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“What time can I get you out of your scrubs?” Maya asked breathily as she pushed Carina against a rack in the tiny Grey-Sloan storage closet.
“Right now, bella, I don’t have surgery for a few hours,” Carina smirked and brought her hand down to untie her scrub pants, but Maya stopped her and pinned her hands to the storage rack behind them. Then, Carina wrapped one of her legs around one of Maya’s hip to pull the blonde closer.
“No, not that, I want to take you to dinner.”
“Oh, I get off at around 8.”
“We should stop having sex,” Maya blurted suddenly.
Carina looked at the blonde as if she was speaking an alien language. Since when did Maya Bishop not want to have sex?
“Um, oh, okay-” Carina almost asked why, but took a deep breath before she started to move her leg and her arms Maya had pinned against a storage rack.
“Wait,” Maya started and held the doctor’s hands and the blonde’s leg, “Carina, I love you. I love you so much, but can you name one occasion where it didn’t end in sex, or attempted sex interrupted by moms?.”
Carina thought for a moment before shaking her head no.
“Exactly, I need to prove to myself we can be more than just sex,” Maya explained- well tried to, that wording maybe wasn’t the best choice judging by the scoff and hurt look on Carina’s face.
“So all I am is a good lay?”
“No, babe, of course not, I love you-”
“Maya, you just you needed to prove to yourself I’m more than just sex- so are you just in love with sleeping with me or are you actually in love with me?” Carina asked, Maya thought she saw angers in the brown eyes, but really it was insecurity. Was Carina wrong to have taken Maya back? Did Maya really love her or was it just the orgasms Carina brought? If it was just the sex, maybe her sleeping with Jack made more sense now.
“It’s not- it’s not what I meant!” Maya defended herself.
“Then what did you mean, Maya? It seemed pretty clear to me!”
“I mean that I’m afraid it’s just sex to you!” Maya almost yelled in admission. Carina’s eyes went wide in shock which Maya used as an opportunity to continue, “I love you, Carina, I know every inch of your body, even the things you hide well. I know every scar, every curve, every dip, and even your tattoo which you think I don’t know about.
“But since Jack, I feel like we don’t go on dates as much. I know that’s mostly because of scheduling, but it makes me-“ Maya stopped herself, she didn’t want to physically say she was insecure. You are Maya goddamn Bishop you don’t get insecure she thought to herself. Luckily- or unluckily, she couldn’t decide- Carina knew what Maya meant though.
“You know about my tattoo?” Carina asked, lightly ignoring the end of Maya’s statement.
“Yeah, it’s behind your ear and small, only noticeable if you’re looking for it. It’s initials, I’m pretty sure your mom’s,” Maya answered as if she had to prove she knew it.
“I didn’t know you knew.”
“I realized it the day you brought me lasagna,” Maya shrugged. Carina looked at Maya with confusion in her eyes.
“So, you want to stop sleeping together? Carina asked, seemingly more understanding to Maya’s point of view.
“No, of course, I don’t, but I think it might be what we need.”
“Okay, but Maya, we don’t have to- I mean stop or anything. We just have to slow down. Go on more dates. If you don’t want to and I don't want to, we don’t have to stop,” Carina shrugged.
That night they went to dinner downtown, it was nice and quiet. They didn’t really have to talk- well, yeah, they did have to talk, but not yet. At some point during dinner, Carina noticed that Maya hadn’t eaten that much. When she looked at Maya, she saw the blonde studying her face.
“Yes, my love?” Carina asked as she cut some of her food. She hadn’t been prompted with a question, but the staring was starting to concern her.
“Nothing, you’re just cute,” Maya smiled and Carina blushed before quickly regaining her composure and responding with, “I know.”
“Can we pretend the storage closet today never happened?” Maya asked while she rubbed the back of her neck nervously. To her surprise, Carina answered, “No.”
“You know about my tattoo. Something I thought you had no clue about. I don’t want to forget that, Maya,” Carina smiled kindly.
“I love you.” “I love you so much.”
The blonde and brunette said at the same time respectively.
They loved each other. They had both grown up with abuse and had always had hard times falling in love. Even harder of a time admitting it. Here they were though, in love. Maybe they just needed to take it slower. Learn how to truly love.