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I knew better, really I did. The fact was, I had been aware from the beginning that maybe I was getting a little too invested in Blue. It was something about how his eyes were wide and innocent, and the way that he smiled up at me with blissful unawareness at the fact that I was there to kill him.
And honestly, truly, I was there to kill him. I'd picked him to stalk to begin with because he liked to wander off into the corner to do tasks by himself. It was too easy; and then it was too easy, and he turned around with that damn smile, completely unaware of the knife that I was clearly holding at my side.
"Oh! Hey, Red! Do you need help with your tasks?" He tugged on my arm softly, pulling me to the wiring and beaming up at my taller frame. "It's easy, watch this." And he took my hands and led me through the motion of slipping and twisting them together.
I was incredulous. I had a knife in my hands. And he was completely unaware -- actually took it to cut the edge of one of the wires so he could fuse them together, and then handed it back to me . When we were finished, he stepped back and cheered for me.
"See, wow, Red!" He gave me a gentle tap on the shoulder and a thumbs up. "You did a great job."
And I told myself then that I didn't kill him because someone had seen us come here, and we'd ended up being gone too long. Someone would be by soon to check on us.
I said that.
And I really tried to believe it.
I went that day and killed Pink to make myself feel better -- his screams had been enough to make my stomach curl in satisfaction, to let me know that I wasn't dysfunctional.
Blue had been a fluke. It was a fluke , and I would rectify it the next day.
Blue ran into me right after, and he laughed when he saw the blood spattering my body. "Red, you really have to be less messy..." And then, curious, "When did you have time to eat jam?"
Tomorrow.
And I followed him straight to tasks in the morning... only to find that he was once more standing beside me, once more leading me through the motions. When I stepped towards the vent, wondering if he would give me more of a reason to take him out if he saw me using it...
All he did was smile when I lifted it.
"Do you hide in there when you get scared, Red? It's okay." He leaned in, and his eyes were bluer than anything that I'd ever seen when he offered me his hand. "I won't tell anyone."
And really... really, I told myself that I was going to kill him next time , because it was getting late, and I didn't want to deal with Black and his incessant ramblings about how there was someone on the ship.
Just because he was right did not mean that I wanted to hear him crying sus for a half hour.
That was what I told myself -- tomorrow.
And then it was the day after.
And then it was the day after that, because Blue was trying to show me how to work the trash chutes, and when I showed up with more 'jam' on my body (though, in his defense, it really was just jam this time, because Brown had thrown it at me while she was aiming at Orange), he laughed and took me to the showers. Because he didn't want me to get fussed at by Black if he saw how messy I was.
I... really was going to kill him.
I really was.
In the showers, we were alone. Isolated. I stripped out of my suit and started washing it off, telling myself that now was a perfect time, because no one was going to come in behind us since it was occupied. It would be easier now, because I could wash the blood away. I started to stip out of my jumpsuit...
And then I saw White standing at the door, his stomach opening into a wide maw, the tongue ready to dart out and...
I stepped behind Blue without thinking, felt the sharp stab of pain that ripped through my side as White impaled me.
Either he hadn't been able to stop himself once the motion had started... or he didn't care.
I was betting on the latter.
He scowled at me, and I gripped my side quickly, my eyes flaring wide and then narrowing. My hand came up, and I slammed the door... and then felt myself slip to my knees as a dizzying wave of pain shot through me.
"Re-" Blue's eyes widened. He'd been adjusting the shower's temperature, probably thinking I couldn't manage that either. "Red!" Panic struck through his voice and he instantly came to my side. He lowered me through the floor, and I felt pain rocket through my body. He hadn't hit anything vital.
But god damn it, it hurt.
It hurt more than it should have because it had been White, and he knew what he was doing.
"I... must have... cut myself on the faucet."
It made no sense.
It made absolutely no sense , but Blue's wide eyes were instantly full of sympathetic contrition, as though suggesting that we came to the shower somehow made this his fault. His hand came to the wound, trying to staunch the blood, and he actually pulled open his own suit -- he wasn't in a jumper beneath, but a plain t-shirt. That flipped over his head, and he stood there in front of me... bare and shirtless and so vulnerable that I could have cut him open then and there...
And he pressed the fabric to my stomach. My heart fluttered.
I felt warm.
I felt...
Taken care of.
It wasn't as though White's actions shocked me; my kind was a brutal species. We fought and we fucked and we killed and we ate, and that was the majority of what made up our behaviors.
But... Blue was pressing the shirt to my side, and he was quickly shaking his head back and forth. "Can you stand up?" He was so concerned; there were tears in his eyes.
It was the... cutest... thing... I'd ever seen.
I lifted myself easily, but his arms instantly slid around my waist, anyway. "You have to be careful, Red..." And then he was tugging me forward, pulling me towards the door where White had been only a few minutes prior. I kept myself on high alert, though I was vaguely aware of the fact that the asshole had punctured something that wasn't vital, but was painful.
He was such a sadistic little shit.
Blue didn't stop until he'd pulled me into his room -- I was surprised to see photos taped to the wall, a stuffed animal on his bed, books skewed about everywhere. It was like he was trying to bring the home that he'd left behind to the cool reaches of space.
He really was too pure.
"Just sit down on the bed. I have a medkit." He pushed me, his arms soft but insistent, and I found myself following his instructions even though it was not what I was genetically dispositioned to do. I unzipped the jumper that I wore and let it fall down my chest, slipped my arms out of it, and peeked at the stab wound on my torso.
It was very much spike-shaped, and not at all faucet shaped. My fingers prodded at it gently and I grimaced again; fucking White and his damn vindictive streaks. I was going to have to have words with him tomorrow.
"I don't know if I have an--" There was a clattering sound, and I jerked my gaze up instantly. Blue's fingers still held a half-dumped medical kit, but his eyes were fixated on my bare chest and there was a burst of crimson across his nose and cheeks. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then very, very quickly ducked to pick up the things he'd dropped. "I... uh... uhm..." For some reason, he was having quite a bit of trouble gathering his thoughts. "Uhm, I have some... steri-strips. We can close it up. I just don't know if it will be enough or if you need to go to medical and I--" he was talking so fast that I could barely understand him. I leaned down, picking up a roll of gauze that had bounced over to me, and then found myself unable to stop the motion.
I reached out and ruffled his soft hair -- I'd been wanting to do it since I saw it, floppy and messy on his head. He froze beneath my touch, and then slowly raised his head up and he was smiling. It was such a blissful expression, and it made something in my stomach feel... warm.
Made my human-heart flutter for a moment. I sat back on the bed, and he followed me up, pushing me to lie down. "Do you need to go to the med-bay, Red?"
I didn't want to go to the med-bay. I had a distinct feeling that they might realize that something in my internal anatomy wasn't exactly right. I didn't take the time to transform my insides as well as my outsides... at least not completely. "No. I'm fine."
"You're not fi--"
I took his hand and pressed it to the wound, and his face went all the more red for it. "You'll take care of me, so I'm okay."
He seemed to melt beneath the touch and my words, but the smile on his face only broadened. He nodded and set to work.
I should have known that he would be good at it -- for as sweet and fragile as Blue seemed, he was efficient in doing all of his tasks (and my tasks)... and his fingers were just as clever when it came to my wound. He felt the edges and then frowned, dripped in something that stung and made me squirm beneath his touch.
The only time he stumbled was when he looked up -- saw the broad expanse of my bare chest, my eyes carefully watching him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was yet again aware of the fact that this was a perfect opportunity to kill him. We were closed up in his room. No one would know.
I laid there and watched him instead. He applied disinfectant, and then medical strips... and then, much to my chagrin, a Band-Aid over the top that had...
Cute little bears smiling up at me.
I arched one brow, and he grinned at me in turn. "I think you'll be okay."
"Don't you usually kiss things after you're done fixing a person up?" My eyes widened as soon as the words left my mouth. I didn't know where it had come from, and it was completely pointless for me to be goading him on like that, because he wasn't-- we couldn’t--
He leaned down, pressed his mouth softly to the top of the Band-Aid, and I felt the softness of his lips and the warmth of his breath as he gently kissed the wound that White had left behind.
The warmth in my stomach flared crimson and spread over the fullness of my chest, down to my pelvis, straight to my face. When he raised his head, he was smiling and blushing and looking a little too happy with himself. "Is that better?"
"Yes," I said the word instantly, my eyes still wide.
"Good. Now -- he pulled his cover up over my chest and actually yanked the band that kept my red hair pulled back from my head and fluffed it out. "Why don't you get some rest? I'll finish our tasks and--"
My hand shot out, grabbing his wrist and shaking my head. "Why don't you stay here with me. We can finish them together in a while."
I didn't want him out alone while White was on the prowl.
He looked at me for a moment and then nodded; Blue disentangled himself and sat down on the chair in the corner, pointedly picking up a book from his dresser so I could see that he wasn't going anywhere. Only then did I settle back with a soft sigh. There was silence for a moment, the soft rustling of pages, and then I couldn't stop myself.
"What are you reading?"
"Oh, it's..." He had the grace to look embarrassed, and then he held it up.
Beauty and the Beast.
Well...
"Do you want me to read to you?"
Every second that passed made me realize over and over again that my carefully plotting, my careful planning, my self-whispered promises that I was going to kill him were completely and utterly... pointless.
"I'd like that." I closed my eyes and settled back onto the bed, and the soft sound of Blue's voice reading brought me a measure of peace that I didn't even know I could feel and a bit of knowledge that made me only a little uneasy.
This was going to turn into a big problem.