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Lucifer awoke with a contented sigh, his heart full and a feeling of peace and just pure happiness. It was the same feeling he got every morning, ever since going to sleep holding the most precious thing in the world to him had become his, and their, ‘new normal’. It was an indescribable happiness that was unmatched by any other – one that he had no idea what he’d done to deserve, but that he cherished beyond measure.
The first signs of dawn peeking in through the blinds and casting a soft light into the room told him that it was early and thus that he had time to bask in his own personal piece of Heaven that he had in this bed, and in whose legs were currently entwined with his beneath the silk sheets. It seemed that they were drawn to one another and unwilling to be parted, even in sleep.
Leaning up on his elbow, his chest tightened with affection for her and a doting smile stretched across his face. He was constantly in awe that having her here with him like this was now his reality, and so he would often find himself just staring at her - taking in every detail and committing it to memory. He may be the angel, but with the serene look on her impossibly beautiful face and her now slightly darker, silky hair spilling over the pillow like a halo, it was her that looked like the angelic one.
His body always seemed to wake him up an hour or so before he needed to rise these days – like it craved the extra time in which he could just watch her sleep and marvel at her beauty and how truly lucky he was that despite everything, she chose him – that she wanted to be with him. That she loved him. And that after all these years of wanting her, wanting this, he finally had it – he had everything he could ever want, right here in his arms. Sometimes she would wake up too, or he would wake her up – in her (and his) favourite way, and they would start their day worshipping each other’s bodies in a way that only they could. A physical demonstration of the infinite affection they held for one another.
This morning though he was content to just watch her sleep, a soft, sated smile on her face – he hoped she was dreaming of him. The little snores she emitted, he found utterly adorable - and even the raucous truck driver/ Romanian field wench-like ones that sometimes escaped her impressive lungs, he had a fond affection for. He really was head over heels in love with this woman!
And that was the thing – he was in love with her. Absolutely, completely, irrevocably in love with her. He knew it with every fibre of his being. It may have taken him a while to realise it – and even longer to admit it to himself, but it was the truth – Lucifer Morningstar, the devil, was in love with Chloe Jane Decker, and he was fairly certain he always had been. And he was absolutely certain that he always would be. The only problem was that, as yet, he hadn’t quite managed to tell her that. He’d shown her in every way he knew how, even in ways he wasn’t conscious of. As Dr Linda had pointed out, little things like bringing her her favourite coffee every morning, giving her a prom because she didn’t get to go to hers whilst in high school, keeping a hold of the shoe monopoly counter from their board game night with the urchin, and making a necklace for her out of the bullet she shot him with early in their partnership – apparently those were the actions of a man in love, whether said man was aware of the fact at the time or not. And then there were the bigger things – like jumping in front of bullets and axes for her, literally killing himself in order to retrieve an antidote when she was poisoned, offering his father a blank cheque in exchange for sparing her life, and going back to the place he loathed the most in order to keep her safe. But to him it was just a natural instinct to protect her – he would lay down his life in an instant in order to spare hers. He had known he cared deeply for her to do those things, but as Dr Linda once again explained to him – these were also the actions of a man deeply in love.
Lucifer had honestly thought that the Detective knew of the depth of his feelings for her – he was fairly certain it was glaringly obvious and written all over his face. But perhaps understandably given his seemingly mixed messages in the past (his ill thought out marriage to Candy being one such example), and his dick-head twin needling her fears, it seemed she still had some insecurities regarding the reciprocity of her feelings for him. “Is that why you haven’t said it back?” she’d asked fearfully, tears brimming in her beautiful sea-green eyes. When he realised exactly what it was that he hadn’t said back, as petrified as he was to verbalise those words - given that the only other person he had said them to in the past had abandoned him and cast him out of his home and into a fiery hellpit, he was still determined to say them. He had truly tried – “Detective, Chloe. …I lo-” With his heart thudding in his chest, he was literally on the verge of saying them when Amenadiel had picked the world’s worst moment to have a parental freak out and freeze time – which was confounded further by his elusive father rocking up at the precinct like it was a regular Tuesday and he hadn’t been absent for millennia. That had rather put a bit of a spanner in the works with his whole love confession!
Ever since then, he’d tried on numerous occasions to get the words out, but always found himself frustratingly tongue tied. The closest he’d gotten was “Detective, Chloe… I just wanted to tell you that I- I…think you look beautiful tonight.”. The soft smile she had given him told him that she appreciated the compliment, but he hadn’t missed the flicker of hope in her eyes when he’d began his speech – which she quickly hid upon his deviation. Being the selfless and incredible person that she is though, she hadn’t brought up their conversation in the evidence room again, or pushed him to give an answer to her question. But she deserved an answer – she deserved his honesty and openness, just like she had given to him. And he wanted to give it to her, he wanted to tell her those words that she longed to hear – because they were so very, very true.
Despite the abject fear evoked by the prospect of saying those particular words aloud, he found himself not wanting to take his usual solution of running away and ignoring the problem (Dr Linda would be proud of his emotional growth), but instead he wanted to face that fear. …He just needed to gather enough courage to actually do it.
He was filled with an incredible warmth as he watched her chest rise and fall beneath his far too large white dress shirt - that she’d months ago commandeered as her own. Seeing her wearing his clothes never failed to make him smile and his heart skip a beat. This one seemed to be a particular favourite of hers though, and it held fond memories for him too – it was the one she’d chosen for herself when she’d used his penthouse for an impromptu birthday drinking session when he’d had an equally impromptu trip to Vegas. And more recently, on a night that would live in his memory until the end of time as the happiest night of his life – it was what she wore to sleep in after the first time they made love. The first time he made love. Sometimes she would sleep naked - which he was also a fan of, but whenever she wore actual clothing, whether it was a conscious choice or not, she would always opt for this white shirt – and that would forever warm his ancient heart.
“You will never know quite how much you mean to me” he sighed, smiling softly as he brushed a stray tendril of hair from her eyes, in a whisper-light caress so as not to wake her. “There just simply aren’t the words to adequately describe it. My Detective…Chloe” When he’d returned from Vegas on her birthday to find her asleep in his bed, he’d felt a need to explain and tell her how he felt, and he felt a similar pull now.
“You must know - you’re my world, Chloe – you always have been.” His eyes misted up as the words broke free from his heart. “You changed me – made me a better man, or at least you helped me see the good in myself. You made me realise that I’m not a monster. I- I know you’ve been worried that I don’t feel the same way about you as you do for me, but nothing could be further from the truth, Detective. When I said that I do, I truly meant it – I truly mean it, and I’m sorry that my…emotional constipation, has caused you to doubt it.” He smiled tenderly at her slumbering form. “I’ve been around since time began, but knowing you - loving you, is the best thing that ever happened to me. Matched only by the fact that, for whatever unfathomable reason, you love me. You are my first, and only love, Chloe.”
He paused for a moment, once again just basking in how lucky he was and how indescribably happy she made him.
And then, with a lightness in his heart and without hesitation, he said it. “I love you, Chloe - so very, very much.”
He sighed happily. Maybe it was because she was asleep, but that wasn’t anywhere near as hard as he’d been imagining - it was actually a relief and cathartic to finally get the words out that had been lodged in his chest for all these years. Now that he’d said it once, he wanted to say it again, and again – and this time when she was conscious and could actually hear him.
So caught up was he in the inexplicable euphoria that came with finally voicing his feelings, Lucifer didn’t notice the small smile that tugged at her lips, or the tear that rolled down her cheek.
After a few minutes she rolled over, eyes still closed, and snuggled into his chest. He always loved when she did that. As he wrapped a protective arm around her waist, she placed a soft kiss over his heart. “I love you too, Lucifer.”