Chapter Text
"We all know at times what it is to be wearied in spirits. Mine, I confess, are exhausted."
Emma could only silently take in Jane's pallor and distress. Rendered mute by her uncharacteristic display of emotion.
For so long this woman had been held up to her as the best companion she could have asked for.
And Emma, contrary, vain creature that she was, had spurned any and all attempts by others to make such a companionship possible. Had gone out of her way to harden her heart to any of Jane Fairfax's plights or ills.
But at this moment, she was moved to compassion.
Perhaps it was that Mr. Knightley's many lectures or Mrs. Weston's generous nature were finally improving her, she thought.
"Miss Fairfax, I cannot stand by and allow you to leave in such a state, more ever I cannot allow you to feel so wearied if there is anything I might do to relieve you of your burden." Taking Jane's arm in her own she lead her towards one of Donwell's smaller parlors and waived a footman over.
"Miss Fairfax is not well, please bring some tea, and if we are missed please make it known we are still enjoying Mr. Knightley's extensive collection." She instructed softly, as she gently brought Jane to sit beside her upon on settee.
"Miss Fairfax, I know that we have not been the companions many, my own family included, have wished. And in truth I must own the fault of this." Emma began, she did so hate the feeling of humbling herself, but the penance always made her feel a better person afterwards. "But please, though I know I have never encouraged closeness, is the aught I might do to aid you?"
Then, to Emma's great distress, Jane began heaving great sobs into her hands.
Attempting to sooth her companion Emma spared a thought to hope that Mr. Knightley did not come upon them. Surely he would lay the blame of Miss Fairfax's distress at her own feet.
As Jane quieted Emma, heard a knock at the door as a tray of tea was delivered, and, wanting to spare Jane the added insult of being seen out of state by the servants of Donwell, she rose to intercept the maid. Taking the tray with quiet thanks and a nod of her head, she returned to Jane's side.
The tea at least gave Emma something to do with her hands, and as she took the time to pour to cups she observed Jane Fairfax struggle to regain control of her emotions.
When Miss Fairfax reached for the tea she was again composed, perhaps still pale, but certainly more herself.
"Miss Woodhouse, I must thank you for your kindness and beg for your discretion." She spoke at least, her voice gentle and measured.
"And you are most welcome to both, but I must insist upon knowing what it was that caused you such grief. And I pray it was no behavior of mine... I know I have not acted nearly so well as I should where you are concerned Miss Fairfax, but I must own to envy on my part."
It was almost amusing to see the stunned look upon Jane's lovely face.
"Indeed, I am a vain creature and your accomplishments and graces are so many, and so often listed to me as an example, that I did not treat you with the friendship you were due. That you are still due."
Admitting to her jealousy felt like a weight had lifted off her chest.
"Miss Woodhouse, I- I too must lay claim to some blame for our friendship not being as close as it ought to be. I fear I have not sought out close friendships as I should and now I find myself wishing otherwise." She gave Emma a wan smile.
"As for any accomplishments, if my aunt-"
"I assure you, while your aunt dotes upon you and certainly shares all your news and letters with us, it is not she of whom I speak." Emma assured her softly.
"Miss Fairfax, may I ask, the cause of your distress? Is it a matter with Mr. Knightley?" It tore at Emma's heart to ask such a question, but after Jane's duet with the gentlemen in question she could not help but wonder if Mrs. Weston had been correct in her plans.
What an ill fate, to discover her love for Mr. Knightley only after he had been claimed by another!
"Mr. Knightley! No, no indeed, Miss Woodhouse, you are gravely mistaken." So shocked was Jane Fairfax that she almost let out a laugh. "While I count Mr. Knightley as one of the finest gentlemen of my acquaintance I hold no particular regard for him, and as far as I am aware, he holds none for me beyond that of friendship."
Emma was ashamed when she could not restrain a sigh of relief.
But Jane pressed on.
"Indeed my affections are engaged elsewhere... but it is not a matter that can yet be publicly known."
"Miss Fairfax, Jane," Emma took her hands into her own and looked solemnly into her eyes, "if this secret love is causing you such grief, if speaking of it only to one other person might help, please let me offer my confidence and assure you of my secrecy. For truly, I cannot bare to see you so wretched."
Jane took a bracing breath.
"I am engaged," Emma's mouth fell open in a most ungentlewomanly manner.
"-in secret-" well obviously Emma thought.
"-to Frank Churchill."
Emma was struck dumb by this confession. She could not manage to shut her gaping mouth, much less speak words of sense from it.
But if Emma had felt relieved of weight in her confession of jealousy, then Jane was a bird in flight. Her posture changed instantly as if she had unfolded herself.
"Miss Woodhouse you must swear your secrecy to me, if any were to learn of our attachment before his aunt passes..."
Bringing their hands up between them and giving Jane's a gentle squeeze, Emma managed to gather her wits enough to speak.
"None shall hear of it from me." She swore, and she meant it.
Who would believe her anyway?
"I must apologize Miss Fairfax if I behaved in a flirtatious manner towards your Mr. Churchill, indeed I shamefully admit I found him a pleasant distraction from boredom, but I can assure you I had no true designs upon him." She certainly did not want Jane Fairfax thinking she had plans to steal him away.
"Oh no, please Miss Woodhouse, the apologies are mine to make, we are very aware that we have our parts to play and I could not bear it if Frank broke your heart while playing his!"
Emma did not think Frank Churchill suffered as much as his betrothed under the veil of their secrecy.
In fact, though she was loath to agree with Mr. Knightley, she was inclined to agree with his assessment of Frank Churchill behaving as a fop.
Indeed, fop seemed too gentle a word.
Ass was perhaps a closer account to truth.
Here Jane was distressed to the point of illness, and Frank Churchill would likely swan into the party all smiles and charm, without thought for the pain he may have caused the woman he loved.
She did so hate it when Mr. Knightley was correct and she otherwise.
"Come now, I must have you call me Emma, especially if we are to be confidants," Emma instructed, reclaiming some of her typical smartness. "And while we are occupied today and tomorrow, perhaps you will join me the day after for tea at Hartfield so we might continue to clear the air and you might relieve yourself of any other strenuous secrets which are making you ill in keeping."
Jane gave a laugh and insisted that Emma return the familiarity with the use of her own Christian name.
Expressing relief and owning that she felt much improved Jane suggested they rejoin the party.
But before they left the room she caught Emma's attention.
"Miss Wood- Emma, I do not know what attachment you believed was between Mr. Knightley and myself, but you seemed relieved to learn the truth of it. So I feel I must tell you that I perceived a very different inclination from that gentleman. During my time in Highbury I have come to suspect he does have tender feelings, though most definitely in another direction than myself." She looked at Emma meaningfully. "Indeed, I noticed your dance with him at the Crown Inn, and believe me when I say he was most affected."
Hope bloomed in Emma's chest, and in the spirit of returning confidences, Emma told Jane of Mr. Knightley's flustered appearance at Hartfield immediately afterwards.
"I could swear he had run all the way from Highbury, for he was completely without breath, and stared at me so intensely. But before either of us could speak Mr. Churchill appeared, having rescued Harriet from gypsies."
Which of course wasn't the truth of what had happened to Harriet, but she couldn't betray that confidence.
Harriet! Poor Harriet would be heartbroken at the news of Jane and Frank Churchill, whenever it became known. But for now Emma knew she must remain silent.
Perhaps she should take Mr. Knightley's, previously unwelcome, counsel and encourage Harriet in the direction of Mr. Robert Martin...
"Poor Mr. Knightley! To be interrupted so, likely on the verge of a confession!" Jane looked torn between laughter at the comedy of the situation and sympathy for the gentleman.
Emma was feeling less generous.
"Poor Mr. Knightley has done all he can to ignore me since the incident in question." She groused.
But Jane merely laughed, her spirits much returned now that they were discussing someone else's romance.
"Perhaps you should not be so hard on him. I have perceived him staring at you when you are not looking and he thinks no one might see him. He is likely in torment, unknowing if his affections would be returned."
What a romantic heart Jane Fairfax had been hiding beneath her reserve.
But then Jane gave her a sly look and continued, "Indeed earlier today, out on the grounds you ate a strawberry and I thought he might throw his good manners to the wind and drag you over before Mr. Elton right here."
A romantic heart and apparently some utterly improper thoughts!
"You cannot be in earnest!" Emma laughed along with Jane now, but she could own she had seen that look. It caused warmth to coil low and tight in her belly and her heart to race in her chest.
The thought of causing Mr. Knightley to shed his manners was titillating in a manner she had never experienced before.
"Come now, while Frank was always open in his manners, I fear Mr. Knightley's reserve, proper and mannerly as it may be in company, will be easier to broach with the aid of a second set of eyes to observe his inclinations."
Now Jane's dark eyes were sparkling and Emma let forth a laugh.
"Perhaps he shall come to regret encouraging our friendship." Emma mused.
"Maybe he shall, but only shortly. Then I think he will be most grateful." Jane said with a smile and the two quit the sitting room find the rest of the party.