Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ship’s log : Crewmate Y47005  [Yellow]

Day 1

We successfully departed with enough rations, O2 and water for two months. The crew is nervous: reports from impostors invading ships and murdering the crew have increased in the past few weeks.

I passed some advices to the crew: report any suspicious behavior and be careful. Do your tasks in pair, and stick together in case of sabotage. Our mission is crucial for the survival of our kind, and the outpost is waiting for us to expand across the planet. We cannot fail this mission.

For my part, I’m pretty confident. Despite the general atmosphere of suspicion, the crew seems competent. I already know Red, Green and Pink, and they are efficient and trustworthy.

I’m already wary of Blue. They seem skilled, but obnoxious. Not two hours after our departure, they had already tried to set up a prank involving black paint, three screwdrivers, and a bag of confetti (where did they even get that?).

Purple is… anxious. I can see they are trying to be accepted as fast as possible, but I don’t want to play cards with them. I hate cards games.

Black is a bit weird. Shy, maybe. Very discreet, I almost forgot about them while we were dividing our daily tasks for the week. They don’t talk much, but they don’t look menacing. On the contrary. They follow orders obediently, and ignore Blue with admirable stoicism.

I will try to keep this log updated as we go. In case we all die/disappear/get eaten by a potential impostor, someone will know exactly what happened.

Day 2

Blue accused me of being “an overbearing unofficial leader”. I bet they are an impostor. No, I don’t have any proof. Yes, I will try to convince the crew to keep their distances with this annoying prankster. Just because “glitter is not poisonous” doesn’t mean we should eat it for breakfast.

Purple tried to gather all the crew for a “cards night”. I hate it here. I want to go home.

Day 3

Purple threatened me to fill an official complaint about the psychological harassment they are apparently suffering. When I asked for more details, they said (and I quote):

 “Nobody wants to play with me, despite the fact you asked us to stick together. This is a clear demonstration of the crew’s disinterest with my psychological wellbeing.”

I’m tired, and it’s only been three days. The crew unequivocally refuses to participate in “cards night”, and I can’t blame them.

Ship’s communication system

Yellow: Good job team. Nobody was killed, and we managed to fix the lights and the reactor before any further damages could be done. I’m proud of us.

Blue: Awww thanks Mom.

Pink: I was a little worried… I don’t like the dark.

Green: You are afraid of the dark??? And you decided to work on a SPACESHIP??? What’s wrong with you?

Red: Do we have any leads on who did this? I was in the Med bay.

Green: I was in Communication with Blue.

Purple: I was in Navigation with Pink.

Red: Okay, so we were all doing something, right?

Blue: Hold on, Yellow didn’t say where they were? That’s sus.

Yellow: Calm down. I was on my way to the Shields Room. I’m pretty sure Green and Blue saw me.

Green: Yep, can confirm.

Yellow: And we have forgotten someone.

Red: BLACK.

Pink: Do they even know how to use the ship’s communication system? They haven’t said anything on it since we left.

Blue: hold on, Black is right next to me, I’m going to ask them.

Yellow: I should have called an emergency meeting this is taking way too long.

Black:  [Was in     Weapons/)

Yellow: Okay, can anyone confirm?

Pink: Yes! I saw them on my way to Navigation!

Blue: Nobody is going to comment on the fact that Blakc doesn’t know how to text??

Green: Blakc

Red: Blakc

Purple: Blakc

Black: Blakc

Blue: Oh fuck you all.

Day 4

We underwent our first sabotage today. It was nerve-wracking, but we managed to handle the crisis efficiently. I congratulated the team, and Blue complained (again) about me taking up the leader’s role unprompted.

I don’t know who did the sabotage, and it worries me. I know it’s not Red: they were in the Med Bay, working on some samples. Plus, I trust Red with my life.

Blue and Green were in the Communications Room, doing what, I don’t know. Probably planning their next prank. They saw me going to the Shields Room, so the three of us have an alibi.

I asked Pink, Purple and Black where they were, and what they were doing. The first two were together in the Navigation Room, taking care of our next chart course. I trust Pink, and I doubt Purple has enough nerves to sabotage something. Not on purpose at least… they are very clumsy.

Black was in the Weapons Room, clearing some asteroids, a task they seem to appreciate (unlike wiring). Pink attested they saw them in here while on their way to the Navigation Room.

So everyone, including me, has an alibi. But some of them could be lying.

Or I could be an impostor. A sleep-walking impostor maybe? Trust nobody, especially yourself.

That’s stupid. I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed, and I will think about it tomorrow.

Day 6

Pink asked me a worrisome question while we were taking a break in the cafeteria.

“Is there another dorm room that I don’t know about?” they said.

I immediately said no, and asked them why they were asking that. We all know the layout of the ship.

“I’ve been talking with Purple and Blue, and we all realize Black never sleeps in their bed. I woke up three times during the night, and they weren’t there” Pink explained, and I felt a lot of confusion, but also a great deal of worry. Our beds are not that uncomfortable, especially after a long day of work.

I told Pink I was going to talk to Red about it. Maybe they have a rational explanation for this strange behavior.

Day 6, later

I asked Red. The traitor told me “no everyone sleeps in their bed, like you, I know you take naps in storage, it’s bad for your back, you should sleep more at night” and so on. TRAITOR.

I decided to take the issue to the person concerned, namely Black. They told me they found the bed a bit uncomfortable, and that they also suffered from insomnia, and making rounds in the corridors helps them.

I reported this explanation to Pink, and they seemed relieved. Suspicious. Do they have a little crush on Black?

 In other news, I need to schedule a meeting with the crew soon. I have some adjustments to make concerning our tasks.

Ship’s communication system

Yellow: Okay team, meeting in 10 min, be there or be square

Purple: Why? You finally want to play cards?

Yellow: No. We have a few things to discuss concerning our tasks. We need to rethink the distribution. Black struggles a lot with wires, Blue, you suck at calibrating the telescope, and you, Purple, you suck at everything.

Purple:  ಠ╭╮ಠ

Blue: that was cold, even for you, Yellow.

Green: Purple doesn’t suck at everything. They are very talented with inventing boring cards game and making everyone fall asleep on the spot.

Yellow: don’t push it, Green.

Purple: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Pink: Okay, I will be here! Purple, you know Ancient Scriptures?? That’s so cool!

Purple: yes I studied them a few years ago (~˘▾˘)~  I could teach you if you want!

Pink: that would be great!

Blue: Wow careful Black, looks like you got some competition.

Green: do you mean Blakc

Blue: COME ON IT’S BEEN 3 DAYS LET IT GO

Yellow: Never. Meeting in 5, team. If you’re not here you will be assigned to mop duty for a month.

Purple:  (ʘᗩʘ')

Day 8

After reassigning some of the tasks, we reached a good balance, and I’m proud of myself. Purple is now ALWAYS paired with Pink or Green for any electrical tasks. Black is mainly assigned to the Green House and to the Shields Room. Red takes care of the Med Bay and any related tasks with Blue. And I’m assigned to the two Reactor Rooms, with a rotation between Black, Green and Blue to assist me.

It works perfectly. I still don’t understand why the Mother Ship insists on giving us tasks that don’t match our skills. It’s ridiculous: Red has a medic formation, why are they expected to take care of the ship’s navigation course? Why not assign this task to Purple, the only one who has a cartographer-astrophysics formation among us? I’m tired.

Day 10

Assigning the Green House to Black was a brilliant idea (I’m a genius). Our plants have never looked better, and I can finally have some certainty about our mission’s success. The number of ships finally arriving at the colony only to realize all of their samples have died is astronomical. With Black, we are sure to achieve our mission.

We have not been subjected to any sabotage since the last one, six days ago. Was this first sabotage a simple mistake of a clumsy crewmate (Purple, randomly)? Or do we really have an impostor on board, but a very polite impostor who realized their sabotage was more annoying that anything else? Our team is cohesive, and smart. If there is an impostor on the ship, maybe they haven’t found any opening to kill us.

If I had to speculate, I would say my top three suspects are Blue (they are just very annoying, and sending them out of the ship will actually be a relief for me), Purple (maybe they are clumsy on purpose) or Black (just a feeling, they are sometimes a bit too awkward or quiet for my liking).

Red told me I was paranoid when I exposed my theories to them. They have been on a ship with an impostor before, and they are pretty sure they would have either exposed them, or somebody would have already been killed.

“What if our impostor doesn’t want to kill us?” I asked. Red didn’t have any answers to that. They simply told me we didn’t have any information on the impostors, and we couldn’t make conjectures like that. Red is a rationalist, they like concrete data. I think one of their dreams is to meet a real impostor to study them, “in the pure respect of medical ethics”.

Of course. As if MIRA wouldn’t immediately lock the impostor away, and treats them like a test-subject with no feelings.

Red agrees with me on this part. Impostors are maybe dangerous, but they are not the mindless beasts MIRA tries to sell us. They have enough intelligence to infiltrate our ships, impersonate our crew members, and manipulate us into throwing each other through the airlock. They are smart. Maybe more than us.

Day 12

I managed to convince the crew to play with Purple just for one night, and it went terribly. It was so boring I think a few of us almost fell asleep. I left after one game, and Red followed me. We ended up in the Med Bay, and Red talked about their latest experiments while we were listening to the Space Station Radio. It was nice.

I will apologize discreetly to the crew tomorrow, and thank them for agreeing to play with Purple. I hope one “cards night” will buy us some tranquility for at least a week.

And also, I hope Purple’s threat of filing a complaint against the crew wasn’t serious. I don’t want any troubles with MIRA.

Day 13

I’m starting to get a bit suspicious of Black. Red told me they haven’t done a complete body scan since we left. Everyone one of us has done it at least once. It’s weird.

Ship’s communication system

Red: I really don’t want to alert anyone

Red: but has anyone seen Black eat since we left the HQ?

Pink: ರ_ರ

Purple: ಠ~ಠ

Green: great there are two of them now

Green: to answer your question Red, no. Black always eats alone, I think.

Blue: yeah, I think they prefer to eat while doing their tasks, something like that

Red: Thank for your input, team.

Blue: be careful Red, you are starting to sound like Yellow

Green: Spent too much time with them maybe

Blue: it wouldn’t surprise me

Purple: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Red: you two are the worst.

Blue: at least I’m not the one crying at night because I don’t know if my crush likes me back

Red: I WILL POISON YOUR RATION

Yellow: Blue is sus. I vote Blue. They are the impostor. Let’s eject them.

Blue: That’s not how it works

Yellow: Try me.

Day 14

I’m seriously considering cutting Blue’s access to the ship’s communication system. They are a nuisance, and only use it to spread lies and slander everyone.

My personal relationships are not supposed to be the subject of childish speculations and mockery.

I almost forgot Red’s worries with all of that. They are wondering why Black never seems to eat. They asked me if they could conduct a small experimentation using the Green House. I said yes, because I know Red never tries anything without a solid theory to support them.

Red didn’t give me any details, but I think I’m starting to see where they are going with this.

Day 18

BLACK IS AN IMPOSTOR BLACK IS AN IMPOSTOR I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!!!

FEELS SO GOOD TO BE RIGHT!! AGAIN!!!

Day 18, later

Some explanations: Black was, for me, already pretty suspicious. They showed a staggering lack of knowledge concerning some things our children learn at birth. They almost never talked, and their voice seemed a little off. They never slept in their bed. They never ate in front of us.

But it was Red’s data that cemented this suspicion into an indisputable truth: Black needs to eat organic substance to survive. It’s not, as it is for us, a matter of taste. Black can’t survive on our rations. Eating plants is a good way for them to feed themselves.

Red has a lot of scientific data to back up this claim, and for now, we are the only ones who know about Black’s true identity.

I feel conflicted. Black is an impostor, but apart for some minor sabotage at the beginning of our journey, they haven’t done anything wrong. They are a good crewmate, they take care of their tasks diligently, and they haven’t started any drama like Blue does twice a day.

I went to the Reactor Room to check on the temperatures, and Black was there. They seemed a bit unwell, but they brushed off my concerns and left.

I need to talk to the team before taking a decision.

Day 21

Black is making the situation more complicated than they should. They are now fully integrated to the crew, and they even invented a new cards game that is way more fun than the ones Purple tried to make us play. We have now played together two nights in a row, and it’s impossible for me to imagine Black going on a killing spree. They also started cooking meals for the crew, and despite my primary concerns, they are very good.

Red shares my reservations, and we spend three hours trying to come up with a satisfying outcome before giving up and going to bed.

We fell asleep holding hands. Oh, I think I love them, but is it really the time to think about love? I should worry about the FUCKING IMPOSTOR ON THE SHIP, not about my stupid, silly crush on Red.    

Ship’s communication system

Red: Purple, please come to the Med Bay right now, you haven’t done a scan in 10 days

Pink: Purple is busy, they have to fuel the engines. I can replace them if you want?

Red: that would be great, thanks

Pink: No problem  \ (•◡•) /

Blue: has anyone seen Green? I’ve been looking for them all morning

Yellow: They are in the Lower Engines, helping Purple.

Green: Please… help me… Purple is on his fifth try…

Yellow: Green, you are supposed to assist Purple, not make fun of them.

Green: you would be desperate too, Yellow. It’s so annoying to watch.

Purpe: I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M TRYING

Yellow: Both of you drop your tablet and GET TO WORK.

Blue: Mom’s angry.

Yellow: Blue, you are on garbage duty for the week.

Blue: OH COME ON

Day 25

I managed to hold a secret meeting in the Storage Room while Black was taking care of the plants in the Green House. Blue insisted on turning off the light, sitting behind a crate and whispering instead of talking normally, and I let it slide. I’m pretty sure they are still mad at me for the garbage duty thing.

The whole meeting was completely ridiculous – a bunch of adults crouching behind crates and speaking so low we had to repeat ourselves half of the time.

(Me: “Thank you all for coming, I know it’s a bit unusual…” Purple : “WAIT WHAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU” Blue : “LOWER YOUR VOICE THIS IS A secret meeting!” etc)

But I was able to tell the rest of the crew Black was the impostor. I was surprised to see how little they reacted. Pink shrugged. Blue and Green exchanged a funny look, and started snickering. I heard Green whispers “I thought secret meetings were supposed to be the moment where you learn something new” to Blue. I wanted to hit them both really hard, but I didn’t.

“Yeah, everyone knows that” Purple said, and they sounded so sure of themselves, for once. I was, for the first time in my life, at loss for words.

Red took over and asked the crew to explain themselves. Apparently, while we were conducting our experimentations, the rest of them were also trying to understand why Black was so weird.

“They asked me what sus meant” Blue said.

“They never slept in their bed. I know there is a rational explanation for that, but I still think it’s weird” Pink said.

“They didn’t know the difference between our rations and garbage” Green said.

“They refused my hugs four times” Purple said (I’m still not sure how this behavior is suspicious to them, but well).

Of course, everything added up, and we all came to the same conclusion: Black was the impostor. Black was potentially dangerous to us. Black had also never harmed us in any way, and was a great cook (Green insisted on this part). So we all decided to continue to treat Black as if nothing was wrong.

“But if someone dies, we will all know who did it” I added, to keep things real.

“Geez thanks, killjoy” Blue whispered.

I finally snapped, and punched them in the mouth. Green yelled “FIGHT” and our secret meeting was definitely over, and not so secret anymore. Pink rushed to the Green House to keep up appearances. Red manages to hold me back before I truly hurt Blue, and dragged me to the Med Bay so I could cool myself down.

While checking for any broken phalanges, Red told me “violence is never the answer”. I agreed, and said I always had troubles managing my anger. It was probably not the time to unpack my tragic back-story, but we had nothing better to do while waiting for the scan to complete.

I apologized to Blue an hour later. They simply said “I had it coming”, clapped me on the shoulder, and left. I don’t understand this person, and I probably never will.

Black is the impostor, the crew is well aware of this fact, and I have some anger management exercises Red recommended to me. All is well in our little world.

Day 27

I can’t do it I can’t do it.

I’m a good liar, but this is just ridiculous. We are all pretending nothing has changed, but I feel like we are all so suspicious. Black MUST have realized we know, right?

 Purple almost let the information slip during lunch. They were complimenting Black on their cooking skill, and they asked if Black used to cook on their home planet.

There was a very heavy silence, and everyone looked at Purple with varying degrees of exasperation and horror. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only thinking about throwing this idiot into space.

Thankfully, Black only nodded, and didn’t comment on the weird question.

None of us has a home planet. We live on a random colony outpost for a few months before moving around. I don’t have any memory of my childhood where I stayed for an extended period of time in the same place. But apparently, Black doesn’t know that.

I wonder what their home planet looks like…

Ship’s communication system

Yellow: I think Purple’s big mistake showed us we can’t do this any longer. One of us is going to slip one day, and Black will understand we all know they are an impostor.

Purple: I’m sorry  ಥ_ಥ

Blue: it’s okay Purple, we know you are a disaster

Purple: ಠ~ಠ

Red: I agree with Yellow

Green: Wow, what a surprise!

Red: … I think it would be a good idea to tell Black we know who they are. But we need to be delicate about it.

Pink: I hope they are not going to freak out…

Blue: yes, being killed by a terrified impostor would suck.

Yellow: emergency meeting tomorrow. We will try to talk about it with Black.

Pink: How should we react when you tell them they are an impostor?

Red: I think we shouldn’t show any surprise or fear. It will comfort them.

Blue: if Black eats me, I want you to give my belongings to my first born.

Purple: You have a child, Blue ◉_◉ ??

Blue: yeah ? They are with my partner on Outpost 2846.

Green: Plot-twist of the century.

Yellow: Who let someone as irresponsible as you become a parent?

Red: I’m shook.

Pink: That’s so cute!! Have they been assigned a color yet?

Blue: they are a bit too young, but my partner and I are pretty sure it’s going to be Cyan, since I’m Blue and my partner is White

Yellow: Is this real. Am I dreaming. Is Blue really talking about their kid like a functioning adult.

Blue: you want some pictures to convince yourself?

Purple: yeah baby pictures!! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

Yellow: Am I having a stroke?

Red: Blue, I think you broke Yellow.

Blue: Go kiss them better then

Blue: [mylittlebaby.ghp]

Pink: ohhh they are adorable!

Green: luckily the kid didn’t take after their parents

Blue: fuck you Green you are just jealous.

Purple: (>人<)

Red: This is a healthy child, congrats! Now, I need to find where Yellow is hiding and convince them to come out for our emergency meeting.

Blue: This is the best day of my life, I managed to break Yellow

Pink: Maybe I’m wrong, but I though having a child was the best day of someone’s life…

Blue: second best day of my life.

Day 28

The fact that Blue managed to find a partner, make them fall in love with them, convince them to have a child and had a fucking child proves that sometimes the stupidest people are the smartest.

I’m not saying parenthood is the best thing that could ever happen to someone. Personally, I would NEVER choose to have a child. I already have enough troubles managing a crew and my own personal issues. Nor I am saying that love is the obvious answer to every problem we have. Some people are very happy without a partner. Green, for example.

But the fact that Blue of all the people has a NORMAL, HEALTHY family life… I can’t wrap my head around that. It’s too surreal.

Red told me I was being dramatic. I KNOW THAT. But I still want to complain.

Our emergency meeting is scheduled in an hour and twelve minutes. I’m feeling a bit anxious, to be honest. Purple is sending “funny pictures” on the communication’s system to make us laugh. I barely smiled at most of them. But the one with the submerged iron pole saying “hope I’m not going to rust” made me exhale a bit louder.

Green wrote “mood” in the conversation. Whatever that means.

I really hope Black is not going to eat us.

Day 28, later

Black didn’t eat us.

They were upset, we could all see that. But not in a bad way. It was more of a “I can’t believe you are allowing me to stay on the ship despite my specie’s penchant for murder and manipulation” kind of upset.

Red was literally vibrating when we left the cafeteria.

“Imagine all the things we could learn about the impostor!” they said. They started rambling about data and experimentations and observations, and I just listened to them.

I was relieved. Maybe Black is simply taking their time and waiting for the perfect opportunity, but I think I’m a pretty good judge of character, and they weren’t faking the relief I could hear in their voice.

Pink agrees with me. They think a murderer couldn’t be so nice and shy. I personally think Pink is way too inclined to trust anyone who is kind to them, but well. I can’t blame Pink for their personal biases. I have my own concerning Red.

We still have 18 days before we reach the outpost. In the mean time, I will try to make sure Black is ready for our arrival. If they get exposed, the crew will not be able to protect them for MIRA.

Day 31

Red and Purple are in charge of Black’s “training”. It’s going well, I believe. Black is showing a deep curiosity regarding our customs, and they are a good student.

Now that this issue is more or less fixed, I can finally take care of my personal concern (i.e: my infatuation with Red).

I talked with Green about it. They told to me to “grow up and kiss them already”. That’s what I get for asking advices to the only crewmate who doesn’t care about relationships. So I asked Pink. They were not useful either, telling me that it’s obvious Red likes me back, and I should just go for it and hope I’m not making a mistake. What if I’m wrong and I completely misunderstood the situation? It will be very embarrassing for the both of us, and I don’t want to lose a friend.

This is so complicated. Sometimes I wish I was like Black, not having to care about feelings and emotions.

(But then, if I was like Black, I would have a ton of other problems in front of me.)

Ship’s communication system

Red: Yellow, I saw you sleeping in storage. Again. Please go to bed early today. You are breaking your back.

Yellow: I was merely resting my eyes. I’m good, I swear, don’t worry.

Blue: hey lovebirds this is a serious conversation, not pillow talk

Green: yeah, you two need to take the dirty talk in the bedroom

Red: HOW IS THIS DIRTY TALK???

Yellow: Blue, we are allowed to talk about mundane things on this conversation. Green, I don’t envy your sexual partner, if this is how you talk “dirty” to them. Also, fuck you two.

Purple: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Black: whats dirtytalk)

Blue: HAHAHAHAHA good luck explaining this one Purple

Green: Black do you even know what sex is?

Yellow: It’s too early for this. Good luck, team, I’m out.

Red: If you don’t stop napping in storage I will drag you out myself, Yellow. You have been warned.

Blue: Black, it’s simple, everything Red and Yellow say to each other is dirty talk.

Purple: (¬‿¬)

Pink: ◔ ⌣ ◔

Red: I hate you all. Except you, Black. I’m thrilled to have you here. I think you are the only sane and stable individual on this ship.

Black: ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Blue: Purple, have you been teaching Black Ancient Scriptures too???

Purple: Yep! And they are learning very fast, so be prepared

Blue: how come Black still doesn’t know how to text but can use a forgotten language nobody knows how to speak except for nerds like Purple

Black: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Day 34

I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT!

I KISSED RED AND THEY KISSED ME BACK I’M SO HAPPY I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING TO BURST HAHAHAHA!

Day 34, later

Now that I’ve calmed myself, I can give some details on what happened exactly. I think this journal went from “Useful record of the events taking place on the ship” to “My life as a dumbass in love with another dumbass, a story in 10 volumes”.

So. I was in the Reactor Room, trying to understand why the fucking temperature gauge was blinking red despite my best efforts. A bad start, I know, but it gets better very fast, I swear.

I tried to fix the gauge, failed, punched a wall, almost cried because it hurt, and ended up lying on the floor wondering how I ended up in this situation in the first place. I heard footsteps in the corridors, so I got up, and pretended I was doing okay. It was Black.

They told me Red saw me struggling while looking at the cameras in the Security Room, and since Black was free, they were sent to help me. Red is truly a gift to my cold, cruel world.

Black may suck at electrical tasks, but they are a good teammate, and they follow instructions without making any dumb comments (unlike Blue).  We managed to fix whatever was wrong with the temperature gauge (almost burned my right hand in the process), and I talked a little bit with Black.

They told me the crew was the principal factor of their change of mind. They apparently boarded on the ship with the clear goal of killing us, but they quickly realized how awful it would be. It’s nice, I think, to know we are too lovable to be murdered.

I was feeling better, and I left the Reactor Room to meet Red and thank them for sending Black to the rescue. Red was in the Med Bay, apparently having finished their tasks in the Security Room. I had a million thoughts crossing my head, and like a dumbass, I choose to take Red’s hand to get their attention, and kiss them.

Just thinking about it makes me want to squeal like a child. I can’t let anyone know. The crew will NEVER let this one go. I know how Blue and Green work.

So, I kissed Red. And they kissed me back. It was lovely. That’s all I will say about this part, in case someone found this journal.

I’m happy.

Day 34, later again

I just heard Green whistling a very old love song in the corridors. I can’t trust anyone around here. Pink congratulated me, and I can’t be mad at them. They seemed truly happy for me and Red.

Green is on mop duty for the rest of the week. I don’t care.

Ship’s communication system

Blue: Congrats, Red and Yellow! You finally managed to hold hands without crying!

Yellow: Do you want to be on mop duty with Green? Because it seems to me like you really want to be on mop duty with Green for the rest of the trip.

Green: Hey, don’t drag me into this, I didn’t do anything wrong!

Yellow: don’t care, didn’t ask.

Red: our personal life is not your business, Blue.

Purple: I think you two are cute (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Pink: I’m happy for you, Red and Yellow!

Black: (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

Red: Thanks! Now, can we talk about something else. Please. Anything.

Pink: Game night this evening?

Green: I’m in. But if Yellow eliminated me on the first round like last time, I’m out

Yellow: Then you better be ready to leave very fast.

Blue: Ouuuuhhh sounds festive I’m in too. I want to see Green kick Yellow’s ass for once.

Green: I really want to make a dirty joke but I don’t want to be on garbage duty

Yellow: Good. Stay silent.

Red: I’m the only one allowed to touch Yellow’s ass.

Blue: …

Green: …

Yellow: …

Red: Just so we’re clear.

Black: ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

Day 37

Don’t have time to write. Too busy kissing Red. Bye.

Day 38

Black showed us what they call their “true form”.

I was not prepared for that.

Red has told me our kind and the impostors share probably about 9% of the same DNA. It’s an approximation, of course. We have some similarities in our genetic code and bodies we can’t ignore.

But Black is definitely not like any of us.

They are taller. Not a lot, but Green, our tallest member, looks almost small next to Black, who can apparently MODIFY THEIR HEIGHT AND WEIGH AT WILL.

THAT’S SO COOL. I didn’t say it out loud, because I have a reputation, but still. So cool. I wish I was a bit taller.

Black’s skin is also different from our. Instead of having two separate layers like us, it’s just one thick skin they can modify as they want. They showed us this by RIPPING THEIR CHEST IN TWO TO OPEN THEIR MOUTH.

Yes, Black has a second mouth on their chest. And one on their face, like us. It’s so weird. Their teeth are very sharp.

Red was delighted. They took so many notes, asked a few questions, and they immediately ran to the Med Bay to document their discoveries once Black was finished.

I love Red so much. They are so cute. I love seeing them work.

Day 41

I subjected Black to a quick pop quiz about our culture, to make sure they know everything they need when we arrive at the Outpost in 7 days.

I’m satisfied with the results. Of course, there are still some stuffs Black doesn’t know, but I trust them to ask us for an explanation. 

Red is confident in their ability to undercover the truth about the impostors. All of their research needs to be conducted illegally, and without MIRA knowing about it, but they have made some progress.

They think the impostors are not evil by nature. I think we can all agree on that. Our impostor spends their time in the Green House, taking care of the plants and lovingly stroking their leaves while whispering little words of encouragement. If Black is a born killer, I am the Ruler of the Galaxy.

Red still has some troubles determining where exactly the impostors are from. Our genetic similarities make it hard for them to pinpoint the exact planet. Red is also 100% sure that the impostors are not some of our people infested by parasites. Their shape-shifting capabilities are way too impressive and unusual for that.

Red is waiting for us to arrive at the Outpost to continue their research. In the meantime, we spend as much time as possible together. I like it.

Day 44

I overheard Black and Pink talking in the Navigation Room. Pink was trying to teach Black how to text properly. It was kind of adorable.

Day 46

I overheard Black and Blue talking about the Outpost. Apparently, they have a deal: if someone is rude to Black, the crew will protect them at all cost, and if someone is rude to the crew, Black will eat them. It’s kind of worrisome.

I whispered “What about our no-murder rule”, But I think only Black heard me.

I hope Black doesn’t eat anyone in front of me.

Chapter Text

Medical report n°1mp0573ur

Examiner: Crewmate R72480 [Red]                                                                                                                              Patient: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Examination’s report:

1. PATIENT’S HEALTH HISTORY

No previous records of the patient’s health history have been found.

2. PHYSICAL EXAMINATION

Height:  Unknown                                                          Weight: Unknown

Pulse rate: 60bpm                                                         Pulse rate regular: yes

Vision: 20/20                                                                Hearing: Perfect

Notes: Taking into consideration the lack of data available on the patient’s species, I can affirm that the patient is in good health. No further medical examination have been made, considering the lack of appropriate equipment.   

Examiner’s additional observations:

Being able to study an impostor is a huge opportunity for me. There are so much we don’t know about them, and I’m grateful to have Crewmate B75290 [Black] with me. They seem relatively fine with my examinations for now, but I don’t want to make them uncomfortable. I tried to be as respectful and considerate as possible, and I don’t want them to think they are just a test-subject for me.

But understanding how the impostors work is, according to me, the first step in befriending them. If we can understand their bodies, we can understand their minds.

For what I managed to discover, impostors share a small amount of similarities with our kind. Our organs’ disposition appears to be the same (the scanner doesn’t work on impostors, so I had to improvise). But impostors have an elevated pulse rate (60bpm at rest) and an elevated body temperature (97.8 degree). It’s no wonder Black doesn’t appreciate the warm that much. Their body runs too hot for them to regulate their temperate accordingly. According to Black, their home planet is much colder than our ship and Outpost. I didn’t ask where exactly said home planet was, and Black didn’t elaborate.

Their skin was for me the most fascinating thing about them. Our species has developed an extra layer of artificial skin, which is slowly integrated to our body during our childhood, to protect us in space.  Impostors only have one layer of skin, but the thickness of it is enough to protect them. They are, in a way, “naked”.

This layer can be modified at will, hence why I consider the species we call impostors to be some sort of shape shifters.  They can expand it to appear bigger or taller, or simply form new shapes with their body. Black was kind enough to give me a demonstration by extending their arm to touch the opposite wall. It was very impressive.

The impostors need to feed on organic matter to survive. Their organism simply cannot process our food. I wish I had a better scanner in my possession, so I could see how Black’s digestive system works… They seem pretty satisfied with their plant-based diet, and it’s a relief for me. I don’t know what we would have done if Black had started asking for more… organic meals.

Personality wise, Black is soft-spoken, almost shy, and very sensitive. No wonder they seem to get along so well with Pink, our most sensible member of the crew. Black also doesn’t like to ask questions, and prefers to signify their perplexity by standing very still with some sort of shrug. It’s pretty hilarious. They don’t talk much, but they told me they have been writing a diary since we left. Just like Yellow. These two should totally compare their notes.

Update: Our arrival at the Outpost seems to have taken a toll on Black’s mental health. They are almost mute, and avoid social interactions at all cost. I’m worried.  I asked Black to come to my temporary office (a minuscule med bay with zero furniture and second-hand equipment, I love being a medic) so we could “debrief”, but we quickly realized how suspicious it would have been to have Black go to the “Med Bay” every day.

Instead, we decided Black would send me some quick updates every now and then through the personal communications system Green set for us. Green assured me MIRA will not be able to look through our exchanges, and I trust them.

[This report is strictly confidential, and will not be uploaded to MIRA’s drive.]

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

As requested, here is a quick update to let you know how I am doing, Red.

I hate the Outpost. It’s too loud. Too bright. Too warm. I’m not used to that environment. I was perfectly content to stay in the ship with our crewmates. I knew them, and they knew me, and everything was fine. I could cook for them every day, and I had the Green House in case things got too overwhelming for me.

But at the Outpost, everything is different. I’ve been assigned to a team of five complete strangers and we are responsible for cleaning the building and collecting trash. It’s awful. I don’t like the smell of the products we use to sanitize everything, and my teammates are not exactly nice to me. They make fun of me for being too quiet or criticize me for being too slow. I miss being on the ship with the crew.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black, don’t give up. I know your situation is far from being ideal, but it will get better.

By the way, congratulation on your writing, you’ve improved a lot! I can see Pink’s lessons have paid off. You sound very much like a normal crewmate, now!

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Thank you for the compliment, I tried to imitate your writing as much as I can. It’s hard for me to write in your language, but as long as you can understand me, it’s enough for me.

Pink, who has being assigned to the engineers’ team, came to see me during my break.  It was nice to see them. They asked me how I was doing, and I lied. Please, Red, don’t tell the others how terrible I am. I don’t want them to risk their positions by trying to protect me.

I also ran into Blue at the end of the day, as I was pretending to eat alone in some dark corner. They discreetly gave me a box which contained some plants from the Green House. I don’t know how they managed to get them, as the Green House of the Outpost is heavily monitored. But I was very thankful. Red, did you tell the crew about my personal issue? Please don’t, they will only get in troubles if they try to help me.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black, I didn’t say anything to the crew. My situation is similar to yours, as I don’t see them as much as I would like, and I’m only exchanging messages with Yellow on a regular basis. But the food situation is concerning, to be honest. I know you can survive for days without food before feeling hungry, but I don’t want you to be more uncomfortable than you already are. Please, if you can, come to my office, we will figure out a solution.

Take care. We are here if you need anything. I’m sure the other crewmates are keeping an eye on you, just in case.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

13 days since we arrived at the Outpost. I want to leave. Red, do you have any information concerning an eventual mission? I want so badly to be in space again, with the crew, and not having to hide who I am. Maybe it will be easier if I just turned myself in?

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black, turning yourself in to MIRA is NOT A GOOD IDEA. Yellow agrees with me, and you know they are usually right about this kind of things. MIRA is not known for its compassion, especially toward impostors. You haven’t done anything wrong, but remember: some of your kind killed our people. If MIRA discovers you, you will be locked away and treated… well, like a murderer. And a test-subject. We talked about that, remember? I don’t think you can handle that kind of treatment (not a lot of people could, to be honest).

Yellow thinks MIRA is preparing a bunch of new missions. Crews will be formed randomly, but Yellow has some acquaintances in the Administration team, and they are going to try to get our crew together. I miss them too, you know. And I’m sure they miss you.

Also, you didn’t tell me if the modified rations work for you? Please keep me updated, and take care.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

I’m sorry for being so gloomy, Red. You probably miss Yellow a lot. Since you two are. In love? I’m still struggling with feelings, as you can guess. But I hope it’s not too hard for you two.

Rations work fine for me, sorry I forgot to tell you. I don’t know what you did, but it’s almost like eating plants. The taste is different, of course. But I’m not hungry anymore.

I saw Purple and Green today. Purple works with the cartographers and Green with the... computer people. I don’t remember how they are called. They are fine, and they told me they miss our game nights. I miss them too. It was fun.

A member of my team keeps trying to make me angry. They like to poke me in the back and pretend it’s not them when I turn around. They make fun of my speech pattern, and they imitate me when they think I’m not listening. I know I’m not supposed to kill people but… can we make an exception just for this one? They are very rude, and I’m sure nobody will miss them. Please ?

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

As hilarious as it would be, I don’t think you can eat every rude person you come across, Black. I’m sorry. Try to ignore the asshole, they are not worth it. If you want, I can ask Yellow to put them in another team. Or Blue to annoy them very hard. But please, no murder.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Murder is prohibited, I know. But I still think it’s a good way of getting rid of “assholes”.

Tell Blue Crewmate B08100 [Brown] needs a little reminded that it’s not cool to be rude. I’m sure Blue will find some creative way to get the message across.

I’m feeling a bit better. I think I’m getting used to my life in the Outpost. But I don’t know if I can live forever like this. I feel lonely, and expendable. One of my team members was transferred to another cleaning team, and nobody cares.  I asked if I could potentially be reassigned to the Green House, but apparently, this assignment is in high demand, and my request could take months to be treated.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Red I don’t want to alarm you, but I think my body is acting very weird. My skin is extremely dry, I can’t shape-shift like I used to, and it hurts when I breathe sometimes. I’m tired, very tired, but I can’t sleep. I know you are very busy, and it could get you in trouble, but do you think you can do something about all of that? I don’t want to be a burden, but I think I’m sick.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black you better come to my office RIGHT NOW. Your health is more important than you think.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Thanks again for everything, Red. I feel better now. The soap you gave me helped with the dryness a lot. I’m going to try not to get any sanitizing product on me during work. I hope Yellow can help me get my transfer quickly.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

You’re welcome, Black. We still don’t know if it really was the sanitizing product that caused the allergy. We will have to carry out more examination if we want to know what exactly happened, but for now, just be careful.

I talked to Yellow, and they are trying to get in contact with an old friend in the Administration team who can get your file accepted. It may take a few days, but you can’t keep working with the Cleaning team, it’s very bad for your health. And you will be much better as a gardener.  

Blue is trying to throw a little party with the crew in two days. They probably sent you the coordinates already, but I want to make sure you’ve checked your messages. Everyone will be here, and Purple is ready to have a “wild game night” like we used to. It’s going to be fun.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

It was nice seeing the crew again. I felt like myself for a few hours. Blue is still annoying, but I’m happy to have them on my side. My rude team member hasn’t made any jokes about him since Blue paid them a visit. I don’t know what they did, but it was efficient.

I missed all of you. I wish we could do that more often. Yellow probably told you already, but they are trying to get a mission organized with just our crew, and I hope it’s not going to fail.

Pink and Green managed to get me a box full of plants. How did they do that? They are amazing. I believe Green has some friend who works as a Gardener, and they bribe them to get the plants. I feel happy and loved again.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Red, I’ve been transferred to the Green House. If you see Yellow, can you thank them for me? I’m going to send them a personal message, but I really want them to know how grateful I am.

This is so much better than the Cleaning team. The other gardeners are way nicer than my previous team. Some of them are even weirder than me. One told me they were married to the Musaceae Magnoliophyta (they are teaching me the names of the plants!) and another one likes to eat dirt. Just dirt. Even for me, it’s weird. So I feel almost at home. It’s nothing like being with the crew, but it’s better than the Cleaning team.

Also, I learned that the plants are not just used for O2 production and samples (to spread wildlife on foreign colonies), but can also be used as… gifts?? I didn’t ask my teammates what they mean by that, but I don’t think I truly understand what gifts are.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Gifts are another way to show affection for us, like hugs. It’s a thing given willingly to someone without payment. You give someone something to show that you care about them, or because you want to please them, and you expect nothing in return. The plants Blue and Green stole for you were gifts. The new tablet Yellow got me is a gift. The game you invented for us during our mission was a gift. You gave to us a new way to have fun.

I hope I explained the concept clearly, tell me if you need more details.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

No, I get it. I think my species share this notion with yours. It’s just less… natural. Gifts are given under very specific circumstances.  They are rare. I’ve never received a gift until I met the crew. It’s nice. Thank you.

The fact that your species considers plants as expendable baffles me. Why don’t you eat them? I can see how they make a nice gift – plants do have an aesthetic value that doesn’t leave me indifferent, I can admit it – but it seems to me you are just wasting valuable food. I know you are capable of digesting plants, as the crew greatly appreciated my cooking while we were on the ship, so why do you eat tasteless rations instead?

I’m sorry for asking so many questions – I know you are very busy – but it just makes no sense to me.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Just a quick message to let you know I gave some plants to Pink, to thank them for everything. I couldn’t see myself giving them to Blue (I’m sure they would have laughed at me) and Green doesn’t strike me as someone who holds a particular affection to beautiful things. 

Pink liked the plants. I think I made them happy, and it feels nice. I can see why your species gives gifts so freely, it made my heart beats a bit faster, and I had this weird bubbly feeling in my chest when Pink thanked me.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m here to help you understand my species quirks.

About the plants: as you saw yes, we can eat them. But you also saw how populated the Outpost is: can you imagine how difficult it would be to feed all of us with plants? Plants have great nutritional values, but they are also very demanding in water, soil and fertilizer. To feed the entire population of just one Outpost, we would need at least four green houses, plus the required staff to take care of the plants. Rations may taste bad to you, but you know, we’re used to the flavor. They are way easier to produce than plants, and they don’t have to be cooked.

I’m sure Pink loved the gift, it was a great idea! And yes, Blue is a terrible person who doesn’t know how to receive gifts. You did well to avoid them. I once tried to give them a little gift, nothing fancy, just a new electronic pen to thank them for a service, and they immediately made fun of me, called me a “cheesy baby”, and asked how old I was. They consider gifts to be a childish gesture. But I think they secretly appreciate them.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

Thank you for the explanation, it makes a bit more sense now. I’m still perplexed with a lot of things, but I think I’m getting the hang of it.

Have you received your mission order, Red? I got mine today, and I’m supposed to leave in four days with the crew, plus two new members I’m not familiar with, Orange and Lime. I’m a little concerned about this part, since they don’t know I’m an impostor, and I hope they won’t expose me to MIRA. Maybe if you explain the situation to them, they will accept me?

But still, I’m very happy to finally leave the Outpost with all of you. I like working in the Green House, but I feel very exposed, and finally being able to be myself with all of you will be a relief for me.

Everyone seems enthusiastic about the news. Blue and Purple came to see me during my break, and they hugged me and said they were very happy to go on a mission with me again. We will be able to have “game night” again. I have a lot of other games to propose, I invented them during my time with the Cleaning Team.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Yes, Black, I received the same mission order! I’m really happy, and I’m glad you feel the same.

Don’t worry about our new crewmates. Yellow and I have a plan. I personally know Orange, as they have medical training, just like me. We were trained together at the Academy, and I can tell you Orange is not the kind to act rashly. If we explain the situation calmly, I’m sure they will understand your position and leave you be.

Lime, on the other hand, is a complete stranger to all of us. They are, according to Yellow, very young, and it’s their first mission. They are probably still impressionable, and I can’t predict how they will react when we break out the news to them. But Yellow’s reputation coupled with the crew’s reassurances should do the trick, don’t worry.

I look forward to be with you and the crew again. Until then, take care, and message me if you need anything.

New message from: Crewmate B75290 [Black]

I’m sorry, Red. I’m so sorry. Thanks for everything.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black, what happened? Why are you apologizing? Please, respond.

New message from: Crewmate R72480 [Red]

Black, please, don’t leave, we can fix this.

[The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please try again in a short while, and if the problem persists, please contact MIRA’s Communication Support.] 

Chapter Text

Personal log: Crewmate P14930 [Pink]

Yellow told me they had a diary, to write down their thoughts when they feel overwhelmed by the absolute absurdity of life.  

So. Dear diary. Today, Black killed somebody and ate their fucking face before running away. It was a fucking massacre, I saw the official report, blood everywhere, no head, body cut in half.

Nobody knows what happened exactly. I feel awful, I want to cry, but I also want to get Black back so I can kick their ass and ask them what the fuck happened. They were doing so good, and now, this?

The worst thing is, we were going to leave the Outpost. MIRA assigned us a new mission, with the old crew, with just two new crewmates, and it was going to be good, we were going to another Outpost together, and we would have explained the situation to the newbies and everything would have being fine.

And Black knew about this, they got the same message I got two days ago, we actually talked about it and they were pretty excited and happy, it was so good, so what happened? What make them lose it? They lived with Blue for almost two months on a small ship, and they were fine, and Blue can be pretty annoying (even Yellow lost it at some point and punched them.) But Black wasn’t bothered by Blue, they seemed to find them funny maybe, and sometimes they laughed a little bit when Blue said or did something dumb.

Black offered me flowers not a week ago.

Red is devastated. Apparently, they got pretty close to Black during our stay at the Outpost. They exchanged messages and stuff, kept each other updated. Black was doing fine, Red said, they were doing fine until Red received a last update saying “I’m sorry”, and now Black is gone, we don’t know where, and somebody was killed.

I feel sick and angry and worried. Fuck, this is not how I wanted things to go. MIRA knows Black is an impostor, and they want to find them and bring them to justice because Black is a dangerous bloodthirsty murderer or whatever nonsense they invented to keep everyone on edge.

Black is not a blood-thirsty murderer, for fuck’s sake, they are the sweetest person I’ve ever met, they love gardening and cooking and they never talk too loudly in case sombody is tired. This is ridiculous, I hate MIRA so much. They are demonizing Black and not even trying to understand what happened.

Where are you Black.

You fucking idiot, you couldn’t wait three days before going ballistic and freaking out in space like the rest of us do?

Yellow is so angry they scare me. I knew they always were a bit wild, but still. They are terrifying. Even Blue shut their mouth and stayed silent.

Yellow has a plan. They want to go looking for Black, say to MIRA we are going to arrest them, but they actually want to save them.

I like this plan, but what do we do after we find Black? We can’t just go to another Outpost and pretend everything’s fine, they will know, and we will all be arrested and locked away. Blue has a fucking kid, they can’t risk it. Red is an accomplished medic, they have plans for the future, places to be and stuff to do. Yellow is in love with Red, and they will follow them everywhere. Purple is one of MIRA’s best cartographers, and they are a big nerd with a lot of kind-of-useless-but-still-pretty-cool skills, like they know how to use Ancient Scriptures and it’s pretty neat. Green doesn’t have anything special going on, except the fact that they are a great hacker (but MIRA doesn’t necessarily encourage that kind of skill).   

I think I’m the only one not risking anything big. I don’t have any special talent, MIRA doesn’t need me

Yellow is waiting for MIRA’s authorization to leave the Outpost. They are fuming, and Red can’t calm them down for once. Blue scares me too, they haven’t said anything stupid in hours. Green is vaguely trying to stay positive, but it’s not working, and they know it. Purple is trying not to cry but they are not doing a great job. I’m so fucking tired and angry, I just want to move, but I have to do my job and pretend everything is fine. I hate it, I’m so mad my hands are shaking and everything is going wrong.

MIRA interrogated us one by one today, and it was fucking awful. I almost yelled at them to leave me alone, but I can’t do that, it will just make me more suspicious. They are already wondering why we didn’t realize we had an impostor with us for almost two months. We all said we didn’t know, Black was pretty normal, not aggressive at all, very nice in fact, but they probably didn’t believe us, and it sucks.

I think it was Yellow’s reputation that saved us all – they have a friend in the Administration Team, and they vouched for all of us, and played the “we went to the academy together come on you know me I would never betray MIRA”, as if Yellow wasn’t the biggest MIRA-trash-talker who ever existed. What a hypocrite.

We are all doing terribly. Other people think it’s because we are traumatized, or something like that, because we lived for two months with an impostor and they could have killed us and everything, and I’m not going to correct them. We can’t really say “yeah we’re sad and angry because we knew Black was an impostor, but they were nice and sweet and they cooked for us and took care of the green house and never harmed us”.

Black didn’t even know what a hug was.

I never really liked inaction, and right now, I feel restless and jittery, and I’m so worried, what if Black disappears forever, or gets arrested and locked away? Yellow says it’s the worst case scenario, and that we should focus on getting Black back, but I think it’s very much plausible. We are just five people against MIRA, a big-ass corporation with Outposts all across the universe. What can we do. What are we going to do.

I spent the night with Blue, Green and Purple in a deserted office on the fifth floor. We just ate and drank until none of us could talk (or cry, in Purple’s case) anymore, and we fell asleep in each other’s arms, like we used to do on the ship, except Black wasn’t here. I feel completely dried out. I can’t even cry anymore, I’m just angry and ready to do something.

Red told me I needed to calm down. I don’t care. It’s taking way too much time to get MIRA’s clearance to leave the Outpost in search of Black. If we don’t leave tomorrow, I will steal a ship and run away. I’m sure Green and Purple will be willing to come with me.

I still have the flowers Black gave me. They have started to wither a little bit, but I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

I won’t have to steal a ship and leave. In hinsight, it was a stupid idea, since ships are made to be handled by more than four crewmates. Even with Green and Purple, it would have been impossible.

Yellow just sent us our official mission order. We are leaving in five hours. Finally. MIRA is sending us on a wild chase across the galaxy, trying to find where Black is. According to the reports, Black probably hid inside a departing ship, but considering the number of ships that left during the day of the murder, MIRA is struggling to identify which one it is.

The newbies are still coming with us. Orange and Lime. I didn’t bother to learn their codes. Red told me they knew Orange, so that’s a relief. Lime is very young, and Yellow expects me to befriend them before explaining the situation. It’s annoying. Just because I’m younger doesn’t mean I have an immediate connection with everyone my age. And Lime is a child compared to me. Seriously, MIRA is sending fucking kids in space, it’s so jarring.

Blue wants us to stop at Outpost 2846 so they can see their partner and their child one last time. I don’t know how they can think like that. They may never see their family ever again, and they seem… pretty chill about it? I don’t have anyone who is going to miss me, but fuck, it must be hard for them. Their child is still very young. And what about their partner? They love each other, just like Red and Yellow, so how can they be ready to give up on everything?

Yellow said Blue they will only have a quick moment to say their goodbyes. Fuck, it’s so sad.

Day two on the ship. Everybody’s on edge, except for Lime, who still thinks we are going to have a “great time”. I don’t think MIRA explained to them what our mission was exactly. I’m trying to be nice to them – give them the good old sweet-Pink treatment – but I’m having trouble getting into the right headspace for that. There is so much going on in my brain, I can’t bring myself to be as nice and compassionate as I was before.

Space is still the same, at least. Silent and dark, and I still walk faster when a corridor is too dim for me. I know it’s stupid, I shouldn’t be afraid of the dark, but still. Purple sometimes comes with me, without saying anything, and it’s nice of them to do so.

I miss Black, I think. I miss the way they talked, slowly and in a very soft voice, as if they were scared of being too loud. I miss our quiet little moments in the green house, when we were just looking at the plants and not talking. I miss their cooking, the pride and happiness I could hear in their voice when someone complimented them. I miss our game nights and our little pop quizzes about our culture we gave them before we arrived at the Outpost.

All of this seems so far away, now. We are back in space, on a ship, but everything is so different, more dull, as if MIRA’s eyes were glued on us. There is an old saying Purple told me a few months ago, with a sword maybe, and it describes the situation perfectly. Purple is a nerd, but they know some cool stuff. A sword of Damocles hanging over our heads, maybe? I’m not sure.

We are going to stop at Outpost 2846 tomorrow. Blue is sad, I think. They haven’t said or done anything stupid since Black disappeared, and it’s fucking weird.

Orange is a nice crewmate. They are an old friend of Red, and they are really similar. Maybe they are long lost sibling or something. I went to the Med Bay because I had cut my hand by accident while fixing some wires, and Orange took care of me. They are very chatty, which is surprising, and they rambled for ten minutes about the faulty material we are given, and how MIRA doesn’t care about us. Very similar to Red, yes. Maybe Yellow will fall in love with Orange too, and the three of them will formulate a fucking revolution and overthrow MIRA for good.

In my dreams, maybe.

Blue is such a fucking dumbass and I love them.

Here is what happened. We stopped at Outpost 2846 like we planned. We pretended we had a gas leak and we needed some fuel, or whatever. Blue immediately rushed to their partner’s place, and we waited for them to come back for like. Two hours, I think? Yellow was furious, they kept repeating “we are on a schedule!” and Red kept patting their back with a compassionate expression.

Purple was nervous, they asked four times “maybe we should go and check on them” but Green was completely chill, and said “nah it’s okay don’t worry”, and I know Green is close to Blue, so I listened to them and stayed chill too.

So we were all waiting in the cafeteria near the entrance, and then we heard a commotion, and Blue appeared, completely out of breath, and holding hands with who I assumed was their partner, who was holding a fucking child in their free arm.

Blue yelled “LET’S GO, NOW”, and Yellow and Purple rushed to the navigation room to get the ship going while Green and Orange shut the doors. It was a fucking mess, and it was hilarious. We were all running around trying to get the ship to take off as fast as we could before anyone could try to stop us, and Lime was asking “what is going on???” with an increasing degree of panic.

Blue brought their child and their partner on our mad hunt across the galaxy to find our friendly impostor who ran away after killing someone. I have so much respect for them now. They are crazy.

Blue’s partner is called White, and they are the complete opposite of Blue. They are soft-spoken, very tender, and we immediately adopted them in our merry band of misfits and dumbasses. Yellow has competition, they are not the only “ambiguous parental figure” on the ship anymore. I don’t know how Blue and White came together, but I’m sure it’s a very interesting story. Whenever White is around, Blue turns into a completely different person. It’s so funny. They keep holding hands and looking at each other with so much love and affection.

Their kid is. Well, a kid. Not very interesting, to be honest. But cute. Once we all settled down and took a deep breath, the child started going around asking everyone their names and shaking hands like a fucking adult. It was adorable. I’m sure Black is going to love them.

We are now far from Outpost 2846, and I hope the news of our daring kidnapping hasn’t reached MIRA yet. We still need more time to find where Black is hiding, and Purple and Yellow are spending hours in Admin making conjectures. I brought them tea to cheer them up, and Yellow was grumbling like a mad person while angrily crossing out some options on the board.

Also: I explained the situation to Lime. I tried to be as calm and objective as I could, but it was hard. I like Black and I care about them, and I think Lime saw it very clearly. They were a bit shaken by the news, but they asked a lot of questions, and I think they are in fact more curious about the impostors than frightened. That’s cool. They are very young, but not dumb. I can see myself becoming friend with them.

So here we are. The worst team to ever exist. Sailing across the universe to get our impostor back. A angry rebellious leader (Yellow), their science-obsessed partner (Red), another potential science-obsessed partner (Orange), a nerd (Purple), a very chill hacker (Green), a naïve but smart newbie (Lime), the worst parents in the galaxy (Blue and White) and their fucking child (Cyan, maybe), and me (Pink).

What could go wrong?

We have a lead! Purple and Yellow established some potential escape routes, and they managed to pinpoint three places where Black could have potentially gone. The three Outposts are thankfully not so distant from one another, and if we hurry, we can beat MIRA to the punch and get Black back before they do.

I’m so happy I feel like the old Pink is back. I’m cheerful and nice to everyone, and Lime follows me everywhere, probably because I’m the only one who doesn’t treat them like a kid.

Speaking of kid, Cyan is a very cute but very annoying little thing. They probably got that from Blue, unfortunately. Two days ago, they hid everyone’s tablets in a vent, and watched us frantically look for them without saying anything. Blue congratulated their little demon once the search party was over (Orange was the one who found the tablets, I though Yellow was going to kiss them). A+ parenting, really helpful Blue.

But it’s worth it just for the sight of Blue running around doing their tasks with their little kid following them diligently, wobbling a little bit on their little legs and trying to keep up with their parent.

White works with Purple, since they have a similar formation, and I like them. They are chill, and very comprehensive of the mess we are currently in. If it was me who was forced by my partner to drop everything abruptly and take my child on a deadly adventure, I would have probably said “no are you fucking insane I’m breaking up with you and I’m taking the child far away from your crazy-ass”. But I’m not White (obviously). And they are probably way better at handling relationships than me.

We are currently heading to Outpost 8214. It is situated on a volcanic planet, and Purple gave us a two hours long presentation on the safety measures we should follow to ensure none of us get hurt. I think I fell asleep. Sorry Purple. If I die, you can blame my short attention-span.

Green is trying to hack into MIRA’s drive to steal the autopsy report of Black’s victim. We don’t even know who died, and why, and Yellow wants to know what happened, and they are not the only one. Even Lime is wondering what made Black go ballistic. And they never met Black.

I’m pretty sure Yellow has already filled out the adoption papers for Lime. Every time they see the kid, they mutter “shit so fucking young” and look a little bit horrified. It’s so funny. What a beautiful, dysfunctional family we make.

Black, come back so you can meet your new siblings

I know our species has evolved to support high temperatures without any issue. That’s why we have our second skin, lower body temperature, etc. Red explained it to me once, in great details, but I fell asleep and woke up four hours later tucked in my bed with a ration bar on the bedside table (yes, Red is also part of the “ambiguous parental figures” club).

But I fucking hate Outpost 8214. It’s so hot and dry, and everything tastes like charcoal, especially our rations. Why did MIRA think it was a good idea to settle on this awful planet? Nothing can grow in here, there is absolutely no point in being here, but yeah, let’s build an Outpost and force people to live in this volcanic wasteland!

No signs of Black for now. We are trying to be subtle about it, of course, but I’m pretty sure Purple is starting to raise suspicions. They are definitely not good at lying. Yellow even asked them to stop talking entirely.

Only two ships have arrived to the Outpost before us. One didn’t have a Black crewmate, and on the other, the Black crewmate is definitely not our Black. They are loud and obnoxious and maybe I’m just disappointed but I don’t like them.

We are leaving in two days, thankfully. I don’t think I can handle another week on this planet, even Red is starting to get impatient, and they loooove being uncomfortable (since they are in love with Yellow). 

Can’t wait to eat something that doesn’t taste like it was scraped from the bottom of an active volcano.

Back in space. Lime is now my friend, and we hang out together in the green house when we are bored. I told them about the way Black used to take care of the plants, and they seemed impressed and almost upset. When I asked why, they say “I really want to meet Black now, but I don’t know if I will” and it made me sad. Lime hugged me. I like them. They are like, a very sweet younger sibling who doesn’t cause any trouble but sometimes says upsetting things without meaning them.

I wish Black was here to take care of the plants and cook for us and loom in a corner of the cafeteria waiting for someone to talk to them.

Next stop is Outpost 1573. The planet is 90% ice, Purple told me, so at least we won’t have to go outside. Yellow identified three ships that could have potentially served as an escape plan for Black. We haven’t really heard from MIRA since we left Outpost 2846, and I don’t know if I should be worried or relieved. Green is 90% sure they have successfully deactivated the ship’s tracker, and they are a pretty good hacker, so it should be alright.

Blue and White are still trying to have a “normal family life”, so they give lessons to their kid once in a while, probably to make sure the child is not going to be completely stupid like Blue. They usually do the lesson in Admin, and I went to see them this afternoon. It was funny. Blue is, in fact, kind of smart. Or at least, they sound smart. But if White wasn’t here, I’m pretty sure all the kid would know would be 1) how to piss off as many people as you can in fifteen seconds and 2) how to do a backflip (yes, Blue knows how to do a backflip, it’s quite impressive). So White is here to fill the gaps Blue’s terrible parenting left in this poor child’s mind.

The kid seems to like me, and after their lesson, they came to sit on my laps, and asked me if I could teach them something cool. I first though about telling them the intricacy of freewill during the age of automation and corporation-ruled societies, but then I remembered they were a bit too young to understand all of that, and instead I taught them how to differentiate an inductor from a condenser.

The kid (I should really start calling them by their name) went to bed a bit smarter tonight.

Outpost 1573 is not that bad. A bit colder that what I’m used to, but it’s alright. Blue immediately ran outside with their child to introduce them to the awful wonders of snowballs fights, with the help of Green and Purple. I’m pretty sure the latter was brought outside against their will, but I didn’t move a finger to help them. That’s what they get for taking the last can of my favorite soda.

I watched them throw snow balls at each other from the warm comfort of the Outpost, with a hot tea in my hand and some snacks in the other. Yellow was rubbing their face and muttering “fucking children” like a mantra. I gave them some of my snacks and kept score of the very violent snowballs fight that was happening behind the reinforced glass of the window.

Blue and their kid won 17 to 13. When they all came back inside, drenched in snow and complaining about frozen toes, I gave a snack to the child, congratulated them, and told Green and Purple they needed to step up their game. They seemed offended, but Blue was laughing so hard their sulking didn’t last.

I think we have a high chance of finding Black on this Outpost. They like cold environment, they told me. Tomorrow, we will start looking for them. For now, we are all going to bed early, because Red insists we respect our “inner sleeping schedule” or whatever. What a mom. Yellow agrees with them, but I saw them sleep in Storage at least twelve times since we left Outpost 8214. What a hypocrite.

I’m now in bed, trying to sleep despite the howling of the wind outside and Green’s snoring. I can’t sleep, I wish I could just go to the green house to relax a little, but Red is probably standing guard next to the dorm door.

Not a trace of Black on Outpost 1573. I’m worried, Yellow is worried, Red is worried, EVERYONE is fucking worried.

And also: Red managed to decrypt the autopsy report. They want to do an “emergency meeting but without the emergency” in 15 minutes. Great, I just have to finish all of my tasks in 10 and run to the other side of the Outpost to get to the secret storage room Purple found yesterday. Great.

It was worth it.

Fuck, what the fuck. Red read the autopsy report out loud, and I had never seen the crew so quiet. Even Blue was silent. Even their kid was silent. It was eerie.

Basically, Black killed a crewmate after what they suspect was a “violent altercation”. Black sliced the crewmate in two, ate their head, and ran away. Red tried to keep the gory details to the minimum, because we had a child and Purple in the room, but I still felt nauseous.

The crewmate was called P25518. Everyone kind of turned toward me when Red told us that. I ignored them. Just because we share a color doesn’t mean anything. There are a lot of other Pinks out there.

That was the first blow. The second one was when Red started rambling about medical details none of us could understand except Orange, and when Red saw our confused faces, they just sighed, put their tablet down, rubbed their eyes, and said: “Black killed another impostor”.

There was a very long, very heavy silence after that revelation.

Yellow voices everyone’s confusion with a nice “WHAT THE FUCK”. White politely asked for us to refrain from swearing in front of their kid. Blue mumbled something that sounded like ”fuuudhejajdba”. Purple made a weird little sound, like a whimper but even sadder. Green punched (?) the ground.

I had so many questions. But I couldn’t speak. I felt weird. Almost detached from the conversation. Red was trying to calm everyone by explaining how they knew it was an impostor who was killed, but I wasn’t listening to them. I was just thinking about Black killing one of their own for an unknown reason. Throwing everything out of the window in just a few seconds. All of our plans for the future, the mission, the crew, forgotten. And blood, a lot of blood, and a dead body, and panic and…

I think I started crying at this point, I’m not sure. But my brain stopped working and next thing I knew, Purple and Green were hugging me and Lime was worriedly biting their nails and Red was trying to make me drink a glass of water and Yellow was waving a tissue in front of my face while looking deeply concerned and constipated. For our self-appointed leader/parent of the team, Yellow seems to HATE any kind of emotion’s display.  

I calmed down. Purple kept rubbing my back and I could see they were trying to not cry. The kid climbed into my laps and hugged me until I stopped hiccupping like a dumbass. Good kid. They deserve so much better. 

Red adjourned the meeting (“I think we all need some rest after this upsetting news”) and I rushed to the green house of the Outpost. It was thankfully almost empty, with just two gardeners in the back who ignored me, and I just sat in a corner and tried to think of nothing.

New day, new me, dear diary!

Just kidding. I’m still a mess, but at least I slept nine hours last night and Red got me an official waiver so I don’t have to work today. Victory. Green is very jealous. They told me they were planning on having a mental breakdown in front of Orange to get a waiver too. I wonder if it’s going to work. Green is a great actor, and I think we are all in need of a mental breakdown (or two, or three) right now. I got mine yesterday, so I’m good for at least a week (I hope).

So today, I can just relax, and try not to think about Black, impostors, murders, and everything. Tell me, dear diary, how can I manage that without lobotomizing myself with an ice axe?

I spent the whole morning with Purple in their office. They were working on some map, and we just stayed together, drinking tea and sometimes exchanging pleasantries about the Outpost. We didn’t talk about the autopsy report, or about Black. I think Purple is just as shaken as I am, and we just wanted to pretend everything was fine for a little bit. What a merry band of dysfunctional adults we make. Except Lime. Lime is still a child and they should be protected at all costs.

Yellow is already planning our departure to the last Outpost. They are, quite frankly, a bit frantic. I’m worried. I know they have a temper, but I think this shit show is taking a toll on their mental health. Thankfully, they have Red to monitor them. And Orange, even if it’s not official yet.

(I really hope they’ll confess their feelings for each other soon. I want Black to see their new three parents together.)

Hanged out with Lime during their tasks in the laboratory. It was fun. Lime has some good prank genes in them. I bet Blue is tutoring them or something like that. Lime wanted to mess around with the chief biologist (who is, apparently, a huge dick) and I helped them with the “stink bomb” they plan on throwing in the cafeteria during the chief biologist’s lunch time. Good kid.

A day wasted, but still, it felt good to take a step back and let the world runs without me trying to keep up.

Green was singing “on the road again” this morning as we took off. I don’t know where they learned so many old songs, but it’s cool. If the stereo breaks, we can just ask Green to sing for us.

Space again. Cold, dark and silent space. Lime now follows me everywhere in case we have some power outage and I freak out in the middle of a dark corridor. Thank you, Lime.

Yellow cried this morning during breakfast. When I asked them why, they just pointed at the empty seat we always leave for Black. And Purple started crying too. What a mess. Red and Orange are now roaming the ship with a box of tissues and candies clipped to their utility belts. We are back in kindergarten, apparently. Cyan (the kid) absolutely loves it and asks for candy any chances they get. And Red and Orange don’t have the nerves to tell them no.

Blue is back to their old self. They crack jokes and annoy Yellow and try to plan stupid pranks and I’m so happy to have them back I didn’t even blink when they told me they have a plan to make Yellow feels better. I should be worried, since Blue is not really known for their psychological sensitivity, but whatever. At least, if Blue pisses off Yellow, we won’t have to watch our fucking leader cry in their cereals. That was very upsetting, to be honest.

Our last hope rests in Outpost 5474. I don’t know what we are going to do if Black is not on this one. Probably cry a lot and drown our sorrows in alcohol.  

Outpost 5474 is situated on a sand planet, very dry, very hot, and since there are three suns, there is no night. It’s very strange.

Purple loves this new Outpost. Apparently, they have very fond memories of this place from their childhood. Lime hates this new Outpost. Apparently, they have very terrible memories of this place from their childhood.

Yellow immediately left us to go look for another “old friend” (I’m starting to think it’s just how Yellow calls their exes) who can potentially help us. Until then, we were encouraged to stay on the ship and do nothing. MIRA is probably starting to get suspicious, and Yellow wants to be ready to leave as fast as we can. I get that, but it still doesn’t make me less bored.

I started playing chess with Purple, but I suck at this game, and Purple absolutely destroyed me, so I let Lime take my seat and wandered into the ship, trying to keep my cool. Blue was with their kid in the dorms, playing some kind of game of catch with Yellow’s pillow, and White was reading in a corner. They smiled and waved when I walked by the door, but I didn’t stop to talk to them.

I wanted to be alone. Green was in Communications, doing I don’t know what, and they barely looked up from their keyboard when I entered the room.

Red and Orange were doing medical stuff in the med bay. I left them alone, and kept roaming through the corridors like a fucking ghost looking for their long lost body.

I finally went to the green house to write down everything, and now I wait.

Black was here. On Outpost 5474. They hate the heat and they hid on a desert planet. What a fucking idiot.

I was the one who found them.

It feels so weird. I want to cry, but I also need to write down what happened in case I hit my head and forget or something dumb like that, or in case MIRA stops us and finds a way to brainwash us.

I was chilling in the green house, living my best life (lol) when Red came to me and told me we had a lead. Apparently, four ships had stopped at this Outpost in the past few weeks, and two of them had registered Black crewmates.

We all tried to stay calm, and we left the ship one by one, wandering into our designated areas of expertise with as much natural as we could muster. I went to the electrical team’s office, asked if they had a place for me, chatted a little bit with the administration’s person and got some valuable infos about the two Black crewmates. One of them was apparently working in electrical, so they can’t be our Black, who sucks very badly at this kind of tasks.

I pretended I had some call to make with my team, and left the office. I relayed the information to Yellow, and waited a little bit. I started to think (yeah, I know, it doesn’t happen often).

If I was Black – a strange alien creature who doesn’t like warm environments and thrives in cold, dark places – where would I go? The Outpost only had two levels above the ground, so I started going down until I reached the last floor. Storage shelves plunged in darkness, and when I turned on the light, only a few flickering neons came to life. I hate the dark, I always did, but I think I love Black more.

So I started walking around the room, peering into the darkness and it was cold and dark and I knew that if Black was on the Outpost, they were in this place.

I found them near the garbage chute. A convenient exit, probably. I saw them before they saw me, because they were sleeping, curled up in a little ball on the floor, and they opened their eyes when I got closer, and I started running toward them.

And they yelled “NO” and got up and they were terrified, of me, and I stopped. Fuck, it was the one of the hardest things I had ever done, to stop dead in my tracks and not hug them with all my strength and shake them and ask what the fuck happened.

Black was scared, and I suddenly remembered that the other impostor, the one they killed, was Pink, like me, and oh it was so painful to realize Black though I was the impostor, I was here to kill them.

Fuck, it was hard, and it made me so angry.

So I stopped and lifted my hands and spoke in a low voice – I don’t remember what I said exactly, probably something like “hey it’s me Pink, the one who taught you how to text and the one who hung out in the green house with you and the one who is afraid of the dark”. I talked for what I felt were hours and Black stopped shaking, and let me get close enough to hug them.

We hugged for a long time. We didn’t talk. It was almost peaceful. Then Black said “I’m sorry”, in their deep, soft voice, and they couldn’t stop. They repeated “I’m sorry” so many times I lost count, and they didn’t listen to me when I tried to stop them.

They shut up after a while, and I took their hand, and looked at them in the eyes. “We are running away” I said, “Together”.

And Black let me lead them to the elevator, and they didn’t try to free their hand. We walked calmly to the ship’s bay, because running would have been too suspicious, and I sent a message to the crew. We walked into the ship, and Purple was here, and they cried so much, and they hugged Black and they said stupid things like “we missed you so much” and “Pink was so worried about you”.

Everyone arrived shortly after that, and it was chaos. Yellow looked like they wanted to die because they probably felt so happy, and Red was insisting on giving Black a physical examination and Blue was jumping around yelling “WE DID IT WE DID IT” and I cried a little bit.

Green arrived late, and they told us it was because they were in the security room deleting every trace of our visit on the Outpost. They gave Black a firm hug and I swear I saw Green shed a few tears.

We left the Outpost as quickly as we could. I took a break when Red convinced Black to go to the med bay with them for a quick check up, and I went to the green house. Lime came with me, and rubbed my shoulder in silence while I tried to stop crying.  

Red sent us an update – Black is in good health, if not a little malnourished, but some modified rations and a good night sleep should do the trick. Red asked us to not bother their patient (and I’m pretty sure that one request was for Blue).

Everything is okay. We got Black back. The crew is whole again.

It’s been a week since we found Black and ran away from MIRA definitively. I’m sorry, dear diary, for not writing anything during all those days, but I’ve been busy. Very busy.

Black slept for twenty two hours before waking up. According to Orange, it’s normal. We were all eating breakfast in the cafeteria when Black showed up. They stopped at the door and looked at us almost shyly, as if they weren’t sure they were allowed at the table.

Yellow patted the empty seat next to them, and Black came to sit with us. We didn’t ask any sensitive questions (I kicked Blue in the shin when they tried) and we all ate in relative peace. Lime was throwing quick glances toward Black, as if they wanted to ask them something but didn’t want to bother them. Red was gloating about their excellent medical care while Orange made fun of them behind their back. Yellow was eating their cereal, teeth clenched, as if they were restraining themselves from crying.

Yellow is such a mess, I can’t believe I consider them an ambiguous parental figure.

White was eating with Cyan on their laps. The kid was looking at Black with wide eyes and a big smile, but they are very polite and didn’t say anything embarrassing. Black was looking at them curiously. I’m pretty sure none of us told them about children. I hope I won’t have to give them the birds and the bees talk. They know what sex is, at least. Blue made sure of that at the very beginning. A very embarrassing memory for everyone, since Black was absolutely offended we thought an impostor didn’t know about sex.

So breakfast was okay, and we all went to do our tasks (now assigned by Yellow because fuck MIRA) and Black went to the green house. Red cornered me on my way to navigation, and told me that Black was fine physically, but that the whole “murder another impostor” had taken a toll on their mental health and we should give them space. I don’t know why they told me that. I’m not Blue. I’m not going to barge into the green house asking for more gruesome details.

But I stayed away, and didn’t go to the green house. I completed my task, took a break with Lime and Green, talked about our future (we are all worried) and went back to navigation to help Purple with some maps.

The week passed quickly. We all tried to give Black some space, let them heal, and I think we managed to do it without making them feel left out.

Two hours ago, I went to the green house. Black was sitting on the ground, surrounded by plants, and they looked peaceful. At ease. I sat next to them. They started talking, slowly.

They told me the impostor was older than them. A veteran, they called themselves. Sometimes, they didn’t kill their crew to not raise any suspicion. That’s why they were here, with us, on the Outpost. They saw Black and recognized them immediately, went to talk to them. At first, it was okay. Then the impostor started to “crack”. They said they wanted to kill, that they were bored, and if Black was smart they would join forces. And Black couldn’t say no, but they couldn’t agree either, so they killed the impostor, and ran. As far as they could.

I took Black’s hands in mine and listened to them as quietly as I could.

Fuck, I’ve missed them so much.

I don’t care that they killed someone, honestly. Life is tough, even more so for an impostor. They did what they thought was right, and who can blame them? They probably saved a lot of people with one murder. There is probably an old philosopher who would say it wasn’t the good thing to do, but whatever.

Black is here, with us, and that’s the only thing that matters.

Chapter Text

Day 1

I’m starting a new diary. The old one was not lost, as I first though, but when I read it again, I realize I couldn’t continue where I left it. So many things have changed.

I’m currently resting in the Med Bay. Red left two hours ago after giving me a quick medical examination. They told me to rest, and promised nobody would bother me. I should be sleeping, but I can’t.

The past few weeks are blurry, chaotic. I remember the Outpost – the boredom, the anxiety, the Green House, Musaceae Magnoliophyta, exchanging messages with Red. I remember the impostor very clearly, unfortunately. I don’t think I will forget what happened any time soon, despite my best efforts.

I was confused at first. Another impostor living in the Outpost, pretending to be a normal crewmate, just like me? It was strange, and I felt a small wave of relief when I realized who I was talking too. Someone who could understand me, finally, after all those weeks spent hiding and lying.

But the impostor was not friendly. Their lies were not proffered to protect them, but to lure the crewmates into trusting them until the impostor could kill them. I realized this almost immediately. And I was scared. What was I supposed to do? Pretend we had the same goal in mind? But by doing so, I was putting everyone at risk. My crew. The innocent peoples living in the Outpost. Myself.

The most jarring thing about this whole encounter was the fact that the impostor took the identity of a Pink crewmate. My Pink would have never acted this way, I knew this, and I also knew there were two different persons, but still.

I killed them. For the first time, I used my abilities to take a life. It was a split-second decision – I knew I had to do something, and the only logical conclusion was to incapacitate my enemy. I didn’t think about the consequences, I just wanted to be safe again.

I killed them, and I ran away. The taste of blood was oddly familiar, and I liked it. I felt nauseous. I hid on a departing ship, I don’t know how, and I crawled into a vent, and cried silently for hours. I think I fell asleep at some point – when I came back to my senses, the ship had left the Outpost. I could hear the crewmates talk above me, and that’s when the guilt started to rise.

What did was terrible. I murdered someone – yes, it was an impostor, but still – and ran away, without even trying to explain myself. Maybe MIRA would have understood the situation, if I had been more thoughtful. Maybe MIRA would have listened to me. I can’t know for sure, as I don’t have the power to see the future, but still. Maybe this mess could have been avoided, if I had just stayed where I was.

But there is no point in dwelling on the past. What is done is done.

I don’t remember how I managed to leave the ship unnoticed when we arrived at the Outpost. All I know is that I slipped through the garbage chute, and hid in the deepest level I could find. It was dark and cold, and I fell asleep almost immediately. I didn’t feel hungry, just tired, extremely tired, and I blacked out. I spent the new few days in some sort of coma-state, barely conscious of myself.

I woke up sometimes, only to realize I was still alone in the dark, and went back to sleep. The only clear though that was floating in my mind was that I had to hide and disappear. I wasn’t worthy of sympathy or forgiveness.

I must stop here for today. Red told me I shouldn’t dwell over those memories. They are probably right, but I find it hard to move on just like that.

There is still a little voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t be on this ship with my crew, that I don’t deserve this.

I will try to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Day 2

According to Red, I’ve slept for twenty-two hours. So technically, this entry should be titled “day three”.  But since I’ve slept for the entire day, I think it doesn’t matter that much. It’s still the second day for me on the ship.

I feel… better, I guess. Less confused. My sleep was deep and undisturbed. When I woke up, the Med Bay was empty. There was a tablet on the nightstand next to my bed, with a little note on it. On this note was written “it’s yours :)”. I think I recognized Red’s handwriting.

I took the tablet. It was early in the morning, barely past 0700. The crewmates were probably eating breakfast in the cafeteria, and I pondered my next move for a few minutes.

I decided to join them. I was unsure at first. Admittedly, they had hugged me the day before, but I had the feeling they were overwhelmed by my reappearance and the mess I had left behind me. Our departure from the Outpost was rushed, and nobody had the time to truly consider the consequences of my presence on the ship.

But still. I decided to leave the Med Bay. I owed them an apology and a thank-you, at least.

It went well. It wasn’t just like before, because I could sense their wariness, Yellow trying not to cry beside me, Pink stopping Blue from asking me questions, the curious gaze of the crewmembers I had never met before.

Orange is a strange, chatty person. They don’t seem bothered by me, and they have a very dry sense of humor. I think I like them, as much as I can like someone I met three hours ago.

White seems calm and collected. They didn’t talk, because they had a child on their lap. A child. I’ve never seen one before. They are… small… very small… and their skin is a bright, light blue color.

Lime, on the other hand, is very shy. They seem close to Pink, and watch me with open curiosity without daring to come closer to me. I honestly don’t know what to think of them. Yellow told me Lime was very young, “they shouldn’t even be on this ship, MIRA is sending fucking kids in space”, and their timidity was probably just a consequence of their age. They don’t know how to approach me, I think.

I believe the crew wants to act as if nothing happened – Yellow assigned them some tasks and told me I was on bed rest for the rest of the day, but that I was expected to work tomorrow like the rest of them.

So now, I’m back in the Med Bay, writing my thoughts and trying to understand why I feel so bad. It’s a strange feeling, really, and maybe I shouldn’t feel it. Maybe I’m not allowed to feel bad, because technically I am fine. I’m in good health. I’m safe, my friends are here with me, and they all swore to protect me.

(And I swore to myself I will protect them at all cost.)

So why am I feeling so… sad, and angry, and upset?

Day 3

Today was the day where I performed my tasks like a normal crewmate.

Blue accompanied me for most of the day. I expected them to ask me some questions, but they just talked about mundane things, made bad jokes, and when I asked them about the kid I saw in the cafeteria, and the unknown crewmate with them, Blue’s eyes lighted up.

“It’s my kid” they told me, and I was a bit taken aback by this admission. I knew Blue had a child, they had told me so a few months before, but to see them in the same ship as me, as we were running away from MIRA, was a big surprise to say the least. “And White is my partner. I love them both so much” Blue kept going on and on, and I smiled.

It was sweet (and a bit concerning) to see Blue was so attached to their partner and child they had decided to take them with the crew on the ship. “I couldn’t leave them. I love them, and I would have been miserable without them” Blue whispered, before smacking me in the arm and asking me if I had made any progress with Pink.

I stayed silent, and they laughed.

Day 4

Being worried is exhausting.

When I started this journey, I was only worrying about myself. Selfish, maybe, but not surprising. I worried about my future, about my place in the ship, about my crewmates finding out I was an impostor and throwing me out of the ship to let me die in the cold darkness of space.

But now. Now I’m worried about everything. It’s very tiring, and honestly, kind of annoying. The other crewmates don’t seem to have this problem, I believe, or they are way better at hiding it than me. Even Yellow, our unofficial leader, doesn’t seem as mentally exhausted as me.

I am scared. What if MIRA finds us? What will happen to the crew? What will happen to me? What if I snap and kill someone again? What are we going to do?

I don’t want to stress Yellow more than they already are, so I keep these questions to myself. I overheard Purple and Green talking about the future in the Communications Room. Apparently, they believe we have at least two months before MIRA arrest us.

Purple was worried. Green was… strangely very calm, as if this perspective wasn’t that scary to them. As if they weren’t risking everything to protect a murderous impostor. I don’t want to die, or to be locked up for a crime I committed, but I think I will learn to accept this possibility as time passes.

But my crewmates don’t deserve this. They all have dreams. Friends. Families. People they care about, and who care about them. They have plans for the future, and the means to make them happen. If MIRA catches them, they will be forced to abandon all of this.  

I ruined their lives.

Red asked me how I was doing after dinner. I lied, and pretended I was fine. I don’t like deceiving them, but I don’t want to be a burden to them.

I’m going to sleep now. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow.

Day 5

I do not feel better today.

I should. I had the opportunity to talk to Pink this morning, as they had a task to complete in the Green House. They were fine, but only in surface. Deep-down, I could sense an unspoken worry, something that made them avoid my eyes and talk less. It was unnerving, but I didn’t say anything.

I hurt them so much. We had a bond, before I messed up. We were close. I could talk to them freely. But now… I think I broke something.

And I don’t know how to fix it.

Day 6

The child (Cyan, as they told me) came to see me today. They are a curious being, I must say. Very small and fragile, but seemingly unaware of it. They asked me a lot of questions about plants, and played in the dirt for a few hours without being bored. Fascinating.

White came to retrieve their child because it was time for their “lesson”, and asked me if I had anything to teach to Cyan. I told them I had some limited knowledge about plants. After some conversation, we agreed on private lessons twice a week in the Green House. I’m surprised White is willing to trust me with their child.

But I’m also flattered. Maybe these lessons will be the opportunity for me to feel more at ease. I don’t know. I’m confused.

I asked Yellow during lunch if they had a plan concerning MIRA. They took a worrying amount of time to answer me. Purple was nervously looking at them, and Red sighted very loudly.

“Not yet” Yellow said, and I knew that was the only answer I would get. Thankfully, Green piped in and told me they were working on a program that would allow them to rewrite the ship’s identification key. According to them, it could potentially fool MIRA into thinking our ship had gotten destroyed or lost. And we could also stop at Outpost for gas, equipment and food.

I was a bit reassured by Green’s explanation. But I don’t understand why Yellow didn’t tell me they had a plan.

Maybe they thought I was asking for a plan that could work on the long-run? But to be honest, I don’t think I will stay long enough on the ship to see the charade exposed. One day or another, the crew is going to realize how much of a burden I am.

Until then, I will try to make the most out of it.

Day 7

Pink came to the Green House today. They didn’t have any task to do, they just wanted to be here, for an unknown reason.

I didn’t know what to do at first. They was this weird tension between us, and I didn’t want to completely ruin their day, and I was scared they were here to tell me they were sick of running away from MIRA, and that they just wanted their life back.

Maybe it was bravery, maybe it was cowardice, but I opened my mouth before they could, and I told them what happened, in great details. Nobody had heard the whole story before, and I was constantly asking myself is this too much? Am I risking our friendship by telling them I murdered someone in cold blood? Are they going to be disgusted forever?

Pink listened to me, and when I stopped talking, they took my hand and squeezed. I was shaking. Very badly. And I wanted to cry.

They hugged me, just like they did on the Outpost, after I mistook them for the impostor. It was a nice hug. It helped me calm down.

Do I deserve Pink’s compassion? Probably not. But am I going to take as much affection as I can before having to leave again? Yes.

[Yellow] created the conversation.

[Yellow] added [Blue] [Green] [Lime] [Orange] [Pink] [Purple] [Red] [White]

Blue: let me guess Yellow

Blue: you want to have a private conversation without Black

Yellow: Good guess, Blue.

Green: and you want to talk about Black’s obvious mental breakdown?

Yellow: Again, good guess. Even though I’m not an expert on mental health, I can see Black is not doing okay.

Red: Indeed. I think they are suffering from PTSD, if you want the opinion of someone who went to med school.

Pink: what’s PTSD?

Blue: PROFICIENT TALENT FOR SUCKING D

[Yellow] has muted [Blue]

Green: lol

Yellow: There is a child on this conversation. Crude jokes will not be tolerated.

Lime: I’m legally an adult???

Yellow: YOU ARE A CHILD.

Green: you just wanted an excuse to mute Blue, admit it

Yellow: Yes. No. Maybe. I’m the administrator, I get to choose who talk.

Pink: Hey, WHAT’S PTSD?

Orange: it’s short for “post-traumatic stress disorder”, Pink.

Red: Hold on, let me get the exact definition.

Green: wiping out the dictionary already Red?

Yellow: Green, shut up or you will be muted too.

Green: sorry mom

Red: PTSD is “a mental condition in which a person suffers severe anxiety and depression after a very frightening or shocking experience, such as an accident or a war”.

Pink: oh

Lime: :(

Purple: (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

Orange: considering what Black went through, it’s no surprise it had a serious effect on their mental health. But it doesn’t mean they are doomed.

Red: I’m planning on giving Black a few sessions to talk about it this week, but I don’t know if it’s going to be enough.

Pink: what can we do to help?

Orange: just be here for them. Show them that you care. I know you all do, but we’ve all been trying to give them some space during the first week, and maybe it gave them the wrong idea…

Green: you mean we can finally ANNOY THEM TO DEATH WITH OUR AFFECTION???

Yellow: NO!!!

Purple: I think we should be subtle about it Green ಠ_ಠ

Green: yeah sorry Blue took my tablet they are pissed off because they are still muted Yellow can you unmute them they are very annoying lol

Yellow: Fine, but don’t blame me if Blue starts their antics again.

[Yellow] has unmuted [Blue]

Blue: I LIIIIIIIIVED

White: babe please

Yellow: Behave yourself, Blue. Or I will kick you out of the conversation.

Blue: okay mom srry

Red: This is going to be a disaster.

Blue: come on all we need to do is show Black we care about them how hard can it be we already convinced them to not kill us by being ourselves

Pink: pretty sure you weren’t the key factor in their final decision, Blue

Blue: well, we can’t all be the love interest of the story, can we Pink?

Pink: BITCH WHAT

Yellow: Not now, kids, we still have a lot to discuss.

Pink: call me a love interest one more time, Blue, I dare you.

Purple: What’s wrong with being a love interest?

Blue: idk ask Pink they are the only love interest here

Pink: Blue, you are dead.

White: Oh dear. Don’t hit them on the face please. It’s their only redeeming quality.

Blue: I knew you only liked me for my good looks :(

Pink: ok

[Pink] has disconnected

Yellow: Terrible job, everyone. Go back to work and try not to upset Black even further.

Green: lol okay mom

Purple: Hey I just saw Pink going to Communication with a metal bar should I be worried?

Green: oh fuck Blue, you better run

Blue: SHIT

[Blue] has disconnected

Green: rip Blue

White: I’m too young to be widowed :(

Red: Don’t worry, the assurance will cover everything.

Yellow: I’m going, I’m going. I don’t want Pink to destroy any furniture.

Green: you got me for a second I thought you were worried about Blue

Yellow: Hahaha.

[Yellow] has disconnected

Orange: very ominous

Red: Okay, remember everyone. We have to show Black we care about them and we want them to stay. But keep it simple: nothing too overwhelming.

Green: titleofyoursextape lol

Lime: lol

Orange: lol

Red: Very mature, Green. Very mature. I’m asking Yellow to put you on garbage duty for two weeks.

Green: it was worth it B)

Day 9

Something’s wrong with my crewmates.

Yesterday, Pink and Blue had a fight in the Communication Room. I don’t know what prompted it: when I asked Green what happened, they just clapped my shoulder with a sympathetic smile.

Pink almost destroyed the card reader and Blue sprained their ankle when they tried to run away. Yellow had to separate them with the help of Orange and White, and Blue was laughing so much I feared for a minute or two they had a concussion.

Red assured me Blue was just an idiot. I waited until Pink was calmed down, and asked them if they were okay. They shrugged, avoiding my eyes, and said everything was fine, and Blue was just being annoying.

 I know Blue can be really infuriating, but until now, Pink had never lost their cool because of a dumb joke. It was strange, but nobody seemed worried about that.

But it’s nothing compared to the gradual weirdness I have witnessed today.

This morning, I was eating breakfast alone, as everyone was still asleep. It was quiet and relaxing, and I enjoyed it very much. Red and Purple were the first to arrive, and they hugged me in turn before grabbing their breakfast and sitting at the table.

 I was confused. I knew my crewmates were quite affectionate with each other, but never like this. They usually hug when they are particularly happy with something (Green hugging Purple after they managed to get rid of the preconceived ship’s courses) or when they want to show their affection (Red and Yellow hugging to great each other in the morning).

So I was, understandably, confused, but I didn’t ask what was going on. I kept on eating, listening to Red complains about the lack of proper equipments in the Med Bay.

Then Green, Blue and White (with their kid) arrived in the Cafeteria. While White and Green went to retrieve their breakfast, Blue sat down next to me, plopped their child on my lap, and gave me a one-harmed hug before asking me if I could cook something nice tonight.

I was a bit overwhelmed with the child sitting on my lap poking my chest and trying to get my attention, but I managed to ask Blue if today was a special day. They shook their head, said “Sometimes you just want something nice, you know?” and winked. Strange.

It got even weirder when Green and White came back and hugged me too before sitting down. I was so puzzled I left the cafeteria without eating the rest of my breakfast.

Was it some elaborate prank Blue planned to confuse me? Were my crewmates losing their head? I avoided the more frequented corridors and took refuge in the Green House.

I stayed hidden all morning, but I had to come out for lunch. I went early, to avoid any embarrassing encounters, but Yellow and Orange were already in the Cafeteria, trying to fix the vending machine. When they saw me, they immediately stopped talking, and almost ran to sit next to me.

I was so baffled I forgot to protest when Orange gave me a quick hug. I’m pretty sure my confusion was written all over my face, but none of them reacted. Yellow asked me if I had a good night sleep, and Orange made a passing remark on my lunch:  they thought it was “not enough”.

I left them as soon as I could. It felt weird. They were watching me very closely and asking strange questions (“If the ship temperature is too hot for you we can lower it if you want?” or “Purple wants us to have a game night are you in?”).

I had an appointment with Red scheduled this afternoon. As soon as I entered the Med Bay, Red was rushing to me, asking how I was doing, and when I sat down in front of their desk, they offered me candies. “I’m not a child”, I said, a bit vexed, because I had seen White offer these kinds of treats to Cyan to coax them into doing their “homework”.

But I still took the candies. I like them. They make my tongue fizzy.

Red asked me a few mundane questions – about the Green House, my sleeping arrangements, my diet – and I could tell they were dancing around something bad. I braced myself.

Red punched a button and some kind of slide-shows appeared in front of us. On the first slide, the words “POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER FOR DUMMIES” were written.

Bemused, I waited. Red coughed, scratched their head, and muttered something about graduating in medical care and not psychological counseling.

It was very awkward for the next hour. Red fumbled throughout his entire explanation, and I was way too shocked to say more than “Okay” and “I understand”.

Red concluded with an eloquent “so that’s it” and I nodded. They had spend an hour telling me I was (probably) deeply traumatized by the murder, which apparently counted as a “traumatic event”, and I was supposed to… talk about it (?) with them three times a week.

Needless to say, I was absolutely unconvinced by Red’s speech. Still, I thanked them and left the Med Bay.

I met Pink in the corridor. They asked me how I was doing. Thankfully, they didn’t try to hug me like the other crewmates. I would have probably combusted on the spot. I told them I was fine. They seemed skeptical. Am I a bad liar?

I spent the rest of the day in the Green House, trying to make sense of… everything. Maybe my crewmates are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder too?

Day 10

What is going on.

We just had what Purple enthusiastically calls a “movie night”. I had heard of movies before, even saw a few of them during our first mission, but it was never this weird.

Pink and White came to see me before dinner, and asked me to come with them. I obeyed, and when we arrived in the Cafeteria, the lights were dimmed, and the tables had been moved to make room for a giant screen. There were a lot of blankets and pillows on the floor, and the rest of the crew was sitting on them, plates of candies in front of them. Blue waved an empty spot next to them, calling my name, and I sat down warily. 

I didn’t know what was going on. Our previous “movie nights” usually took place in the Communication room, and there was never more than two crewmates with me.

Pink sat next to me, and handed me a plate of candies. “We can share” they whispered, and I nodded, a bit dumbfounded.

The movie started. Yellow shushed when Blue started to sing the intro song. Green and Purple were fighting over a plate of candies, and Orange had to sit between them to stop the quarrel. I was trying not to move too much, because Pink was sitting very close to me. Our shoulders brushed every time one of us took a candy from the plate.

When the movie ended, we started talking about it. Personally, I liked it a lot. It was an adventure story, with a group of misfits trying to fight against an evil organization (they called it “the empire”) and succeeding against all odds. There were a lot of action scenes, dumb dialogues, witty one-liners and emotional moments. It was nice.

There was even a character played by a Pink actor that acted a bit like our Pink. Blue made fun of them for the rest of the night, calling them “your majesty” and bowing whenever they looked at each other. Pink threatened to punch Blue in the face “for real this time”, but they were laughing.

We all went to bed late in the night. Cyan was sleeping on White’s lap and Purple was yawning widely. I had a strange, bubbly feeling in my chest, and I fell asleep smiling for the first time in a long time.

I woke up in cold sweat an hour ago. Some nightmare. So I decided to write everything down, in the hope of conjuring the happy feeling this movie night left me. I don’t know if it’s going to work. I still have graphic images on my head, and they get worse every time I close my eyes.

Day 13

The crew now greets me every morning with a firm hug and a question about my health. After four days of this treatment, I think I’m getting used to it, but it’s still strange. Most of them don’t greet each other that way, except for Red and Yellow, and Blue and Cyan. But there are in love with each other, so it’s normal for them.

I hope my crewmates are not in love with me. It would be very awkward.

I had an appointment with Red this morning. It went well. I talked about our movie night, my nightmares, and the strange attitude of the crew toward me. Red listened to me, nodding and typing on their keyboard, and at the end, they said they were proud of me.

Proud of me? But why? They didn’t explain to me what they meant by that, and I left the Med Bay even more confused than before.

But I think talking with Red helps me, in a way. Having the opportunity to tell someone what’s on my mind is… nice. I hope I’m not a burden for Red. But they assured me multiple times they were here to help me, and that talking about my feelings was the best way for me to feel better.

I trust them.

[Green] renamed the conversation We gon get you some therapy bro

Yellow: Green…

Green: what

Blue: lol

Yellow: I give up. Whatever.

Red: I think all of you will be pleased to learn the therapy is going well.

Green: finally, some good fucking news

Purple: ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Pink: that’s great!

Orange: You know, I’m surprised, Red. When you showed me your powerpoint, I was 99% sure Black was going to run away

Red: How DARE you. My powerpoint was great and Black loved it.

Yellow: Don’t insult Red’s powerpoint skill, Orange.

Blue: yeah Orange, respect the artist

Green: I haven’t seen the powerpoint but I’m sure it was AMAZING

Yellow: Okay stop it you two.

Red: Nobody on this ship knows how to appreciate the fine art of powerpoint. I’m surrounded by philistines.

Lime: philiwhat

Purple: “Philistine, noun: a person who is hostile or indifferent to culture and the arts” ¬_¬

Green: lol did Red just call us a bunch of dumbass?

Blue: that’s not nice Red I though you liked us

Red: I’m trying to be professional here. Let’s talk about our efforts to make Black feel loved.

Blue: yeah!

Red: It’s a disaster.

Lime: :O

Pink: What do you mean?

Green: Personally, I thought we were doing great I’ve never hug someone so much before

Red: That’s the issue. Black thinks you are all losing your head.

Blue: why???

White: how surprising

Blue: babe???

White: I mean, I don’t know Black as well as you do, but I’m pretty sure jumping on them every time you see them to give them a hug is… weird. Especially since they don’t know why you are doing this.

Red: Yes, thank you White, great explanation.

Purple: Oh. That’s why Black was avoiding me this morning ಠ╭╮ಠ

Orange: Maybe Red should have prepared a powerpoint. To show us how to act accordingly.

Pink: Pretty sure it would have lead to an even bigger disaster ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Red: Bunch of ungrateful children, all of you.

Blue: ok so what do we do now

Pink: what if we just tell Black what’s going on

Green: oh bold I like that

Yellow: It can go worse than it did.

Red: Don’t jinx us, sweetie.

Day 15

I am. Upset. I think. Emotional? Feelings are so confusing.

Pink took me aside this morning and told me the truth about our crew’s weird attitude these past few days.

It turns out they were simply trying to help me. To make me feel loved, to show that they cared about me and my well-being.

What did I do to deserve such caring friends? To my greatest shame, I started crying in the middle of the corridor, right in front of Pink. Emotions are so embarrassing.

Fortunately, Pink wasn’t disturbed by my sudden outburst, and they simply hugged me, patting my back and saying nice things in my ear. As soon as I calmed down (approximately 15 min later) they asked me why I was crying.

It was hard, telling them what was going on in my head. I told Pink about the nightmares. About my guilt, and the “it’s going to be over soon” sentiment I had been feeling since we escaped from MIRA. About my fear of losing them all, and spend the rest of my life alone. How could I survive this, now that I had the privilege of knowing what thoughtful friendships were?

Pink kept hugging me, nodding, saying they understood. I don’t know if they were lying to reassure me, or if they truly knew what I was going through. I don’t really care, to be honest.

We shared a cup of tea in the Cafeteria before going back to work. Pink sat closer to me than usual, and I liked it. It felt like the thing I had broken was slowly being repaired.

Like Blue sewing up their child’s torn plushy. 

Day 16

Yesterday, Yellow insisted on an emergency meeting, after diner. We all sat together at the table, and Yellow proposed a vote. Blue asked why. Yellow said they knew why, and that they needed to stop playing dumb.

They bickered for a while. Green passed me a snack while rolling their eyes. Pink was playing on their tablet next to me, and Purple was reading. Red finally stood up, forced Yellow to sit down, and threatened Blue to not give them any candies for a week if they didn’t stop “being a fucking nuisance”. Surprisingly, Blue shut up.

(They started pouting until White told them they were acting like their child. Only then did they reluctantly start behaving like an adult.)

It was a rocky start for a strange reunion.

Yellow started with the bad news. We were almost out of fuel, our rations levels were dangerously low, and the lower engine was barely functioning.

“All of these problems can be solved if we stop at the closest Outpost” Purple added, ever the optimistic one. Everyone nodded, except me. Apparently, I was the only one who hadn’t been updated on the situation. I tried (and failed) to not feel left out.

Then, Yellow delivered the good news.

Green and Purple had successfully disabled our ship identification’s key. They had managed to access MIRA’s database, and stolen a consequential number of identification’s keys from lost ships, or ships that were too damaged to fly. Basically, “we can take a new identity every month for at least five years”, Green explained.

It was great news. But it wasn’t over. Pink stood up, clapped their hands, and declared that they had found a place where we could live whenever space became too oppressive or boring for us. Based on the reactions of the crew, none of them knew that.

(Sweet vindication – I wasn’t the only one surprised!)

What ensued was a chorus of protests (Yellow), questions (Red), laughter (Blue) and emotional noises (Purple). Pink patiently waited for everyone to calm down, and explained themselves.

A week ago, White came to talk to Pink. They were worried about their child growing up on a small spaceship, without the usual enrichment Outposts were able to provide. Since White wasn’t keen on bothering the others with this particular problem, they decided to solve it alone, with Pink’s help.

(At this point, Blue was looking at White with misty eyes.)

So the two of them scoured through MIRA’s list of Outposts, including the abandoned ones, or the ones destroyed by a natural disaster. They were looking for a place where MIRA wouldn’t look, and where we could built a home for the crew.

(Lime started crying, for an unknown reason.)

Yellow pounded on the table, loudly demanding why they hadn’t been told about all of this. Pink looked at them very pointedly. “Because we knew you were going to make a fuss.” Yellow calmed down.

Red passed some tissues to Lime, who quietly blew their nose. I still don’t know why they reacted so strongly to Pink’s announcement, but it probably hit a sensitive spot for them.

After a lot of research, White and Pink came across a small abandoned Outpost, hidden on one of MIRA’s first discovery. A little planet, “nothing too fancy” White said, not very interesting and quickly discarded for more attractive worlds. 78% water, frozen hemispheres, but the old Outpost was constructed on dry land. “On a mountain” Pink added, with a smile, and Blue asked if we would be able to go skiing.

(What’s skiing? I don’t know. Probably another weird and dangerous activity they invented to keep themselves occupied.)

I honestly can’t remember the rest of the conversation. There was this strange, tickling feeling in my chest again, something I had learned to recognize as “happiness”, and my head was filled with noises and questions. It was overwhelming.

Yellow was asking Pink and White so many things, and Blue was making a list of things they wanted to do, and Purple was trying to comfort Lime, Green, Orange and Red were talking about what they needed to get from the next Outpost before we set course to this deserted, watery planet.

I watched them, and I felt like crying.

Outpost 73223. Our last chance of a normal life. 

[Green] renamed the conversation It’s free real estate

Blue: LET’S GOOOOOOO

Green: YEAAAAAAH

Purple: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

Yellow: Let’s not be hasty. We still have a lot of planning to do, not to mention the long journey to get to Outpost 73223.

Blue: don’t ruin it, Yellow

Pink: We are allowed to be happy, you know

Green: we can have a little happiness. As a treat.

Red: I still can’t believe you two did all this behind our backs. None of us realized you were secretly preparing our retirement plan.

White: It was difficult, to be honest. Blue almost caught me twice.

Blue: I knew you were hiding something from me babe <3 but I didn’t want to ruin ur fun

White: Sure.

Pink: Don’t lie Blue, White told me you thought we were planning a prank on Yellow lol

Blue: well in a way I was right Yellow almost had a stroke

Yellow: I did not. I was just surprised. And a bit upset you didn’t ask me for help, or at least told me what was going on.

Pink: Tbh I didn’t tell any of you because we didn’t want to give you false hope ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

White: Exactly. But we did it!

Purple: Yay!

Orange: has anyone seen Lime since the end of the meeting? I’m getting a bit worried, they were very upset…

Pink: they are with Black in the greenhouse, don’t worry

Red: I hope Black is using my therapy tricks to cheer them up.

Yellow: So clever. Using your own patient as a assistant.

Red: What can I say? I love efficiency. That’s why I love you.

Blue: wow keep it in your pants lovebirds

Green: getting a bit frisky huuuh?

Yellow: The first thing I will do when we arrive at the Outpost is locking you two in the furthest room I can find, and kissing Red very hard without the fear of being interrupted by two fucking clowns.

Blue: that’s hot

Red: I agree. Can’t wait.

Blue: I love being called a clown I feel valuated <3 making all of you laugh is very important to me

Yellow: You shouldn’t. It wasn’t a compliment.

Green: too late buddy we are your clowns now, deal with it

Yellow: This family is a fucking nightmare.

Blue: YOU THINK OF US AS YOUR FAMILY???

Green: WOOOOW wait who is the weird relative

Purple: (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

Blue: Black is the weird relative next question

Pink: we love you too Yellow

Orange: That’s cute aww

White: One big happy dysfunctional family! J

Red: Honey, when did we adopt so many kids? :0

Yellow: … a fucking nightmare, indeed.

Day 25

I apologize for not keeping up with this diary as much as I should. But these past few days have been hectic, to say the least, and I haven’t been able to find a quiet moment to write down my thoughts.

Yesterday, we stopped at Outpost 23532 to refill our fuel tanks and our rations reserve. Yellow managed to fix the lower engine with the help of Pink and White, and we departed as fast as we could. Green changed our identification key’s three times, just to be sure, and Purple set the ship’s course to Outpost 73223.

It feels nice, to finally have a purpose. To know I’m not doing all of this for nothing. We have a plan, something to hold into, and my nightmares have been less vivid since we stopped aimlessly floating in space, hiding from MIRA, and deeply scared of the future.

I talked a lot with Pink during these past few days. They have so much to say about the Outpost and about our life when we arrive. The Outpost itself is probably going to need some renovations, but if MIRA does something right, it’s building sturdy, long-lasting settlements.

It’s probably the ONLY things MIRA does right.

Pink has plan. They studied the planet’s ecosystem, and they were very excited to tell me plants were thriving in the milieu, and that I shouldn’t have any problem expanding the Greenhouse and collecting new samples to expand our menu. Very exciting news, indeed!

Purple gave us a quick presentation on the new planet, to make sure we were prepared, and, unlike half of the crew, I really liked it. It was interesting. I can’t wait.

I still meet up with Red regularly. We talk, as always, and I try to be as honest as possible. It’s hard, but I think I’m getting here. Red told me that the “path to inner healing” was not a straight lane, and that I shouldn’t be surprised if I feel like I’m stalling or going backward.

 It’s good to know. I’m very busy right now, and I’m so tired I don’t have the time to worry when I go to bed, but I’m sure when the excitement will have died down, my brain is going to get revenge on me. But I’m ready.

Day 28

Just a quick update: Purple says we are going to arrive at the Outpost in two weeks. It’s a long time, but we have a lot to do, so I don’t mind.

I had a nightmare this morning. I woke up very abruptly, after dreaming of eating some strange meat and realizing too late it was Green’s arm. It was more weird than scary. Disturbing, in fact.

I do not want to eat my crewmates! They look too dry and bony, honestly.

Day 32

Lime is now my friend. They seem to appreciate the Greenhouse as much as Pink, and they sometimes come to say hello before their tasks.

Since I comforted them after our big meeting, Lime is way more comfortable around me. Before that, they always acted a bit shy, and only talked when I asked them a question directly.

But two weeks ago, they cried for a twenty minutes on my shoulder while telling me about their awful childhood, and the gnawing feeling they also had of not fitting anywhere, and that the crew was the first true family they ever knew, and I cried a bit too, to be honest.

How could I not? I understood what they were feeling. And thus, we have a bond.

Pink is still my closest friend. There is something unusual between us, something I don’t feel with the other. Some quietness, I don’t know how to explain. But when I’m with Pink, my brain calms down, and I feel safe.

Yellow is happy. It’s very weird to see. I never saw them so… optimistic. I like it.

Day 35

I fell asleep in Pink’s arm during the night. We were talking in the cafeteria, and we just… fell asleep. In each other’s arms. Like that.

And it was one of the best nights of my life?

I need to talk with Red about that. Maybe there is something with Pink… I don’t know, their chemical composition that makes me feel particularly at ease?

Update: I told Red what happened with Pink. When I brought up my theory about chemical composition, they looked at me very weirdly. Scribbled something on a piece of paper, and gave it to me.

I thought it was just a simple prescription for meds or something like that. But on the paper, Red had written: “YOU ARE IN LOVE, DUMMY.”

Red added, visibly tired: “I hope I was clear enough. I’m not making a powerpoint to explain what love is.”

I nodded, dumbfounded, and left the Med Bay in a hurry. I’m now in my vent. Trying to make sense of the situation. Am I panicking? I’m probably panicking. I don’t want to come out of my vent and face the others.

They probably know. Red knew, apparently. I’m an idiot.

Update : Does Pink know?

Update: I hope Pink know. Our relationship needs someone with a minimum amount of brain cells to work.

Update: I just received a message from Red. There are worried I haven’t eaten diner, and they want me to come out of my vent. They also promise they won’t say anything to the others. It’s tempting. I’m hungry, and I can’t stay in my vent forever.

Update: I will try to go to the Cafeteria. I hope it goes well.

Day 36

Either Red lied and told everyone about my situation, or everyone already knew what was going on, and they were simply being polite by not talking about it in front of me.

Last night, Blue and Green ate with me, and asked me so many questions about Pink. “What’s their favorite color?”, “What made you fall in love with them?”, “Do they really have a tattoo on their ankle?” or “Are you going to kiss them any time soon?”. It was very embarrassing.

Thankfully, we were alone in the Cafeteria, and I managed to escape their questions by playing the Impostor-in-a-bad-mood card.

Purple send me a message, asking if I had confessed my feelings to Pink (they wanted to know if they could congratulate me or if it was too early). I send them the following Ancient Scripture:

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

They understood, and left me alone.

This morning, on my way to the Green House, I found Yellow and Orange talking right in front of the door. Since they are bad actors, I immediately knew they were trying to act disinterested, but wanted to ask me what was happening. I said (a bit too loud, maybe) “Nothing happened”, and locked myself in the Green House.

It’s exhausting. I haven’t seen Pink yet, and I’m scared. What if Blue made a bad joke, and they understood I was in love with them? What if they are disgusted, or horrified? We are a different species, after all, and I won’t be surprised if they tell me they don’t reciprocate my feelings.

Love is so terrifying. I don’t want it, I don’t want it.

Update: Lime came to see me. Thankfully, they didn’t say anything about Pink, and simply asked if I wanted to have a game night this evening. I said yes. I desperately need some normalcy in my life.

Day 37

Pink kissed me.

PINK KISSED ME.

Bubbly feeling, stay right here and never leave me, please. I want to feel that way for the rest of my life.

The game night turned out to be an elaborate scheme organized by Blue. When I arrived in the Cafeteria, at the time Lime told me to come, the room was empty, except from Pink. I almost ran away, but they were looking at me expectantly, so I came to sit next to them, at a safe distance.

 “Red told me you were in love with me” Pink said, and my hands started shaking. I wanted to run away. Very badly.

What followed was the most comforting sentence I had ever heard in my life.

“Guess what. I’m in love with you too.”

It took me a few seconds to process what Pink had just said. I must have looked very dumb, trying to understand what was going on, so Pink scooted closer, put their hands on my shoulder, and kissed me.

Just like that. It was so simple. And strangely familiar. Like coming back in my vent after a long day. Or taking a very cold shower after working in the Reactor Room. Or eating a plant that reminded me of my old home.

Pink started laughing. So I followed, and we laughed like idiots for a few minutes, clinging at each other and I think I shed a few tears.

I wish I could go back in time, and talk to my old self for a few seconds. Just to tell them to hang tight and not give up. Because bright and great things were coming for them, and Pink was one of these things.

But right now, in the present, as I write down everything, with Pink sleeping right next to me, I can say: I’m happy. Maybe not forever, but I have good reasons to be. We arrive at the Outpost in five days.

I’m terrified and excited at the same time, and it’s strange. But it’s nice. Tonight, I’m going to make an effort and sleep in the Dorms Room with Pink. Tomorrow, I will be able to hold their hands! It’s so nice.

So nice.

Goodnight, me.

[Green] renamed the conversation What if we kissed in the cafeteria and we are both crewmates

Blue: it's too long Green, too long

Green: yeah I know but I needed to act quick before another catastrophe ruins the fun

Yellow: What do you mean, another catastrophe?

Green: chill Yellow, nothing happened

Blue: YET

Purple: WHO KISSED WHO??

Blue: Pink kissed Black try to keep up Purple come on

Lime: Purple was working, I didn’t told them about the plan oups

Purple: THEY KISSED??? WHAT WHEN??

Yellow: Two hours ago, in the Cafeteria. We tricked Black into coming out of the Green House by sending Lime to invite them to a game night.

Purple: I’m very emotional right now ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

Blue: we all are buddy, we all are

Green: is it what a parent feels like when their kid finally managed to smash?

Red: Don’t ever use the word “smash” in my presence, Green.

Yellow: Disgusting. Let them kiss in peace. If one of you clowns decides to annoy them, there will be consequences.

Blue: okay mom

White: They are sleeping in the same bed it’s very cute

Lime: awwwww

Orange: Very cute.

Yellow: Great job, team. Try not to wake them up when you go to bed. Goodnight.

[Yellow] has disconnected

Blue: okay now that Yellow is gone can I make some sex jokes?

[Red] had muted [Blue]

Green: how. how did you do that Red

Red: Yellow made me the administrator. So watch your mouth.

White: Great, now I’m the one who is going to suffer through endless bad sex jokes for the rest of the night.

Red: You choose to marry Blue, White. Don’t blame your poor taste in partner on me.

White: Unfortunately, you’re right. Goodnight everybody!

Orange: Good luck, stay strong

[White] has disconnected

Green: Can we throw a party?

Red: On what occasion?

Purple: Black and Pink getting together! They deserve it! (~˘▾˘)~

Red: Nobody threw us a party when Yellow and I got together.

Green: yeah, because you two are terrifying, and a surprise party is the opposite of what Yellow likes

Orange: a non-surprise, meticulously planned party maybe

Red: Let’s talk about it tomorrow. Goodnight.

[Red] has disconnected

Green: wow that was a fast exit someone is getting laid tonight lol

Lime: gross don’t make me think of my parental figures having sex

Green: sorry

Orange: You should all go to bed. Tomorrow is a big day, and you want to be in top condition to convince Yellow to throw a party.

Lime: are you with us :D ?

Orange: yeah why not? I like parties. They are fun. Go to bed, now.

Green: we didn’t need a third mom fuck but if you are willing to side with us you are welcome in the mom club <3

Orange: that’s an honor

Lime: Goodnight everyone!

Purple: Goodnight (─‿‿─)

Green: don’t let the bugs biiiiite

[Lime] has disconnected

[Purple] has disconnected

[Green] has disconnected

Orange: Pink, are you there?

Pink: yes?

Orange: oh, I wasn’t expecting you to answer! Is everything okay?

Pink: yes don’t worry. Black had a nightmare, I woke up to make sure they were alright. They went back to sleep five minutes ago!

Orange: alright, have a goodnight!

Pink: You too, Orange!

[Orange has disconnected]

[Pink] has disconnected