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1.
It wasn’t a big moment.
At least, for Seungmin it wasn’t.
Ever since pre-debut (yes, it’s been that long), he knew he’s always seen Changbin differently from the others, treated and acted differently with him, too. Changbin was attractive and maybe Seungmin had a soft spot for him, and he told him that. And Changbin blushed, pushing him lightly as he mumbled a quick thanks. He doesn't have a reason for having a “special treatment” for Changbin, really, he treats everyone else in the group like they’re special but for Changbin, he’s just extra soft.
It all changed when Changbin walked back to their dorms, having come from the stylist and he had dyed his hair a nice, light shade of brown that levelled with his tan skin. Seungmin didn’t know why or how his heart started beating fast but, maybe, just maybe, he had a very teenily, miniscule, infinitesimal, small crush on Changbin.
(And maybe it wasn’t that tiny either.)
Changbin is attractive. Seungmin had concluded that the first time he met him. Although he was shorter than average, Changbin held his personality high enough that his height wasn’t even focused on — his confidence made him even more attractive combined with his obvious physical features.
He doesn’t tell anyone in the group about his tiny-not-actually-tiny crush on Changbin. He took into consideration that his feelings could affect the group, and he really didn’t want to jeopardize the group’s relationship if he had shown interest for the older.
Of course, even if he doesn’t say anything, Hyunjin noticed. He peeked at Seungmin’s phone, smirking at him while he rewatched their live where (he admits) he held Changbin’s hand way too much, singing onto his hand, and latching on to the older like he’s a koala. At one point, he even just wondered if he could cuddle Changbin. He doesn’t — not when Changbin had found his way to the back of the couch, and Seungmin could only hold onto his hand, using his arm like a pillow.
“You’re blushing,” Hyunjin accused and Seungmin had to leap forward just to muffle more of his teases.The older licked his hand, throwing Seungmin back as he wiped the saliva off on his pants. “You have a crush on Changbin-hyung!” he screeched, but his voice came out a whisper.
Seungmin’s eyes widened, warning the boy to shut up. He checked the door for any interruptions, lucky for him, the rest of the members were preoccupied outside.
“Since when?”
“Since he got that stupid brown hair,” Seungmin huffed, dropping his body against the mattress. “Or, I guess since training years—”
“TRAINING YEARS?!” Hyunjin squealed, turning to Seungmin with an expression so stunned Seungmin almost wished it wasn't Hyunjin who first noticed. Seungmin swatted at him, hoping to aim at his stomach.
“I said, be quiet,” he warned again. “I thought he was cute since pre-debut but that's normal. Then, it was a small crush of admiration because he always works hard.
“And, now — I don't know. Ever since he walked back to the dorms with his new hair, smelling fresh from the dye, I’ve just been — it feels like I’m being lured by some gravitational force; pulling me closer to him, wanting to be attached as much as possible.” Seungmin sighed onto his palms, “God, I’m just rambling and not making any sense.”
Hyunjin chortled.
“What?” Seungmin asked, tone flat.
“Nothing,” Hyunjin just grinned.
“What!” Seungmin almost screeched, but Hyunjin just threw his head back laughing. “You're annoying.”
“And you're so whipped for Changbin-hyung,” he teased. Seungmin got a hold of a pillow, lazily hitting Hyunjin with it. The older took the pillow from his hands, hugging it to his chest. “It's cute.”
“Shut up,” Seungmin said, but there was no bite in his words.
“You plan to tell him, right?”
Seungmin laughed dryly, “I'm not insane, Hyunjin. I also don't have a death wish.”
“You won't die from confessing, Min.”
“I just might when it comes to him.” Then, he closed his eyes again, shoving his palms to his socket, “I sound like a middle schooler!”
Hyunjin giggled, taking Seungmin's hand off his face. “Then spell it out for him. He’ll get it eventually.”
Yeah. Eventually.
2.
Ever since having a conversation with Hyunjin about his not-so-little crush on Changbin, Seungmin had put extra effort into spelling it out for Changbin that “hey, I have a crush on you, maybe you wanna date me?”
He was always willing to cuddle whenever Changbin had gotten rejected by the other members, or if Changbin was angry, Seungmin was first to volunteer to hug him and calm him down. But Changbin liked skinship, so Seungmin knew that anything he did would fly over his head as platonic and it’s a little bit frustrating.
No one has noticed, too. That or no one ever really took courage to say that they’ve noticed because Hyunjin wasn’t great at keeping the secret, cooing everytime he sees Seungmin and Changbin cuddling on the couch. He never misses the way Changbin’s ears would burn red and throw a pillow at Hyunjin’s direction, snuggling himself closer to Seungmin’s chest. He supposed Changbin doesn’t notice how his heart would beat a little bit faster, his breath hitching a little bit quicker, and his hands sweating a little bit wetter.
But no one else has noticed.
Not while he helps prepare meals in the morning and Changbin comes out of his room, hair poking in every direction like he didn’t even bother brushing them off.
Not when Seungmin visited the studio because 3RACHA decided to pull an all-nighter for their new album and Seungmin took pity and made them all coffee and cheered them on (but really, he came in for one person only).
Not during rehearsals while they individually go through evaluations and Seungmin gets off his phone when it was Changbin’s turn so he simply watched him dance in the middle of the room.
Until Jeongin had decided to bring the topic up while walking to the company for their vocal training.
“What?” Seungmin played dumb.
Jeongin stared at him. “You don’t actually believe no one has seen you stare at Changbin-hyung a little more than us, do you?”
“I-um,” Seungmin blushed, keeping his gaze forward to avoid Jeongin’s stare but also to hide the flush of his cheeks. “I don’t stare at him that much.”
Jeongin laughed loudly, “You do, though. At rehearsals, whenever he would do mundane things, even going to the studio when it’s not our schedule to do so,” he listed off, and Seungmin could barely keep up with the amount of times Jeongin has caught Seungmin stare at Changbin. Then, he had mentioned how “Hyunjin-hyung is also pretty damn obvious, it’s actually quite hilarious”.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Seungmin pouts.
Jeongin didn’t tear his gaze off him for a while, and Seungmin almost cried, almost wanting the ground to swallow him up whole. But eventually, Jeongin looks at his path, humming softly.
“I don’t judge,” he said reassuringly, and Seungmin is grateful enough for that. “I just hope you’d do something.”
“I am,” Seungmin mumbled, defeated. They stood at the crosswalk, waiting for the lights to turn green and for Seungmin to continue talking. But he decided to not speak again until they’re walking. “I stare at him at the most obvious times, hug him first when he asks. I always visit them at the studio even if Jisung would raise his eyebrows like that’s supposed to mean something,” he huffed, finally entering the company building, “It’s like every hint I’m dropping, he’s either not picking up or purposely ignoring it.”
Seungmin was pouting by the time they reached the elevators, Jeongin humming timidly, as he trailed behind the ranting boy.
“It’s almost as if he’s rejecting me without actually rejecting me.”
“He’s dense as fuck,” Jeongin chuckled, and Seungmin couldn’t hold back himself from chuckling himself. “You just gotta—” he pressed a button to their designated floor, “Pushed the right buttons.”
“Right.”
When they were standing just before their respective vocal training rooms, Jeongin turned to him, and with the slyest smirk, he told him,
“He stares at you too, you know?”
And before Seungmin could say anything, Jeongin already opened the door, entering without looking back at how Seungmin stood absolutely clueless in the middle of the hallway.
3.
“You know you’re not fooling anyone right?” Jisung asks, but it comes out more of a statement. A fact, even. Seungmin knew he isn’t fooling anyone but himself when he says no one sees the way he had an eye for the older.
However, he strongly believed, at the very least, that Changbin doesn’t see the way he looks at him.
“Not Changbin-hyung,” Seungmin mumbles, pouting. He lied down on Jisung’s lap, letting the shorter run his fingers through his black hair.
Seungmin, once again, decided to visit 3RACHA at the studio. Though Chan and Changbin were out to get coffee for them, Jisung had stayed behind with Seungmin. Which only meant he got plenty of teases from the shorter, and in return, Seungmin had thrown all the pillows his direction.
“You sure?” Jisung asked.
Seungmin got up, brows furrowing, “What — are you going to say he stares at me too?” he almost scoffed, “Please. Jeongin already pulled that stunt on me.”
“It’s not a stunt,” the latter laughed loudly. “I’m with Changbin-hyung all the damn time, you think I won’t notice?”
“Notice what?” Seungmin barely laughed, “I’m not always here so who is he staring at?”
“It’s not all about who’s staring at who,” Jisung told him, getting up to pick up a notebook, showing it off to Seungmin. He could clearly make out ‘ Binnie ’ on the front page before Jisung turned it back around him. “It’s about how the songs he writes are practically begging to spell out S-E-U-N-G-M-I-N-I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U.”
Seungmin scrunched his nose, “That’s not true.”
Jisung hummed, shrugging his shoulders as he put the notebook down, adjusting to make it look like Jisung never picked it up. He walked back to Seungmin, this time the one lying on Seungmin’s lap.
“You can’t assume Changbin-hyung doesn't acknowledge your feelings when you’re doubting him too,” Jisung adviced — and honestly, he’s more helpful than Jeongin and Hyunjin combined. “Maybe it’s time for you two to just… talk it out, bro to bro.” Never mind.
Seungmin slapped his stomach, the latter grunting at the heavy hand. But the catfight was almost immediately stopped when the door erupted with knocks.
“I’m serious,” Jisung said one last time before getting up to open the door for who they’ve assumed were Chan and Changbin holding a coffee on each hand. He stopped just before opening the door, “Talk to him.”
And when Changbin entered the room, handing Seungmin the cup of coffee he had ordered for him, their hands brushing a little bit closer — the blushing is most definitely because of his stupid heart beat stupidly fast as Changbin wore a stupid grin on his not-so-stupdily gorgeous face.
And this time, Seungmin doesn't miss the way Changbin shyly sat down on his chair as he wrote more songs, glancing up at Seungmin every now and then.
4.
Seungmin cowered up.
But for the record, he did try. (Well — for the first week or so, before inevitably groaning and complaining yet again to Hyunjin, with sometimes special participation of either Jeongin or Jisung, sometimes both who only actually laugh at him, barely giving any comfort. In return, Seungmin would throw a pillow each on their faces. His aiming was excellent, too, even when lying down.)
They’ve all gone separate ways back to their hometown for the holidays, of course, Chan and Felix staying behind, not necessarily able to fly back to Australia. And all that break got Seungmin to think freely off Changbin — except whenever he acknowledged that look at you, not thinking about your crush! he would fall back to his thoughts about Changbin and his crush.
Seungmin was first to return back. Felix was the only one in the dorms, he said that Chan was at the studio, working on a few projects, but he’ll return soon.
He sat on the countertop, watching Felix cook a meal, sometimes asking him to pass a utensil, or an ingredient. Most times, he was stuck with a job of mixing something while Felix focused on something else.
“You know, Changbin-hyung comes home tonight, too,” Felix said out of nowhere. Seungmin wondered if even he knew about his awful, undying crush on the older. “Thought you’d want to know.”
Seungmin ignored the screaming and panicking mini version of himself on his head. “Why would I?”
Felix sniggered, “I’m not an idiot, Seungmin.”
And that was enough for Seungmin to drop the spatula, stopping to mix the bowl to groan at himself.
“Does everyone know except him?”
“He knows!” Felix squealed. “You think he doesn’t?”
“Then, why isn’t he saying anything?”
“Why aren't you saying anything?” he challenged, raising an eyebrow.
Seungmin opened his mouth, ready to tell him facts, but paused, realizing he had nothing to say except that maybe he’s a coward. And maybe it’s not a maybe and he is in fact a coward, who’s still afraid of rejection even if four out of eight members had been convincing him that Changbin knew.
“He’s older,” Seungmin finally said, even though his excuse was ridiculous and definitely something Felix howled at. “What?”
“You can’t be serious that that’s your excuse?”
“Well, I can’t say he’s the boy when we’re both boys, and it’s logical and — hey! Stop mocking me.” Seungmin pouted while Felix made faces as he continued listing off his “logical” reasons to support his excuse.
Felix laughed loudly again, grabbing the bowl off his hands. “You’re expecting too much from Changbin-hyung,” he said, seriously now. “He’s just as scared, did you ever think that?”
“He can’t be scared to confront me about my feelings,” Seungmin played with his feet, looking down at them, his tone almost as shamed, “It doesn’t work like that.”
The chef stopped just midway to grab a different set of spatula, mouth dropping at Seungmin’s words then on cue, he snorted, shaking his head in the process.
“You're unbelievable.”
“What?” Seungmin asked. Felix just continued to shake his head. “You all can’t just leave me hanging for that.”
“Has no one ever told you he likes you, too?” Felix called out, but there was no actual resentment in his tone.
“I mean,” Seungmin tried to defend, but he doesn’t actually have anything to defend himself against. “Jeongin and Jisung told me.” Pause. A beat. Seungmin sighed, defeated, “Sometimes Hyunjin, too.”
“See!” Felix squeaked, grabbing the baking sheet to their table so they could probably roll the cookies and rest on. Seungmin followed timidly behind, his socks dragging through the floor.
“So, everyone knows,” Seungmin frowned, sitting with his legs crossed on the chair.
Felix handed him a pair of gloves before they started rolling the cookies. “Well, you two aren't exactly subtle, and we’re pretty much all anticipating one of you to confess sooner or later.”
Chan bursted through the doors, mumbling sorry at the loud bang that startled the two. He walked to the kitchen, dropping off some grocery Felix had asked for him to drop by, grinning sheepishly at the two as he walked past and to the fridge behind.
“Where do you want this, babe?”
Seungmin raised an eyebrow at the nickname, holding a laugh back as Felix stuttered to form his words.
“Just, uh, yeah, sure. Right there.”
The youngest in the room didn’t look up throughout their whole interaction, but he did glance for one second just to see Chan give Felix a quick kiss on the cheek. Then he was off to his room to drop the rest of his belongings.
“Babe?” he whispered accusingly, a teasing smile on his face. “What’s going on with you two?”
“Shut up,” Felix barked, but couldn’t hold back the smile rising on his face. “You have to confess first, by the way.”
“What—”
“Everyone placed their bets.”
“What are we making?” Chan asked, coming back to the kitchen, now dressed plainly. “And why is Seungminnie blushing?”
“Told him about the bets,” Felix answered without hesitations. It was as if the topic of Changbin and Seungmin confessing was a recurring topic and not something new for the members to talk about.
“Hm!” Chan mumbled, eating the dough he scooped up with his finger. “I betted on Changbin.”
“So, you have to confess first,” Felix told him again.
Chan rolled his eyes, laughing as he dipped another finger. “Oh, yeah,” Chan swallowed the dough before continuing, “Changbin comes home in — maybe half hour?”
Seungmin pretended to act suave. “Cool.”
The couple snickered at each other, Felix finally slapping Chan’s hand away before he made another attempt to scoop another dough to eat.
(And when Changbin came home, grunting as he pushed through the doors with a bag full of snacks his mother had packed for him, Seungmin couldn’t help but smile at the older.
“Little help?”
“I’m sure Seungminnie would!” Chan teased.
Seungmin pushed him to the floor, getting up with a cookie on hand to offer Changbin. He gasped excitedly, eating the cookie well and complimenting Felix before the two headed to Changbin’s shared room with Chan.
“How was your trip?” Seungmin asked, dropping off the bag of snacks on Changbin’s bed.
“Good,” Changbin answered truthfully, rolling his luggage to the corner. “Missed you, tho.”
“Shut up,” Seungmin blushed, pushing the older.
“No, really,” he said in a cute voice, pouting as he waddled to where Seungmin stood near his bed to wrap his arms around Seungmin. “Missed this.”
Seungmin tried to hide the blush, shoving his nose to the crook of Changbin’s neck.
“Missed you, too,” he mumbled.
“Hey, lovebirds!” they hear Chan call from the living room. “Come out the room and stop kissing.”
Changbin chuckled nervously, pushing Seungmin off. “He’s just kidding.”
Seungmin nodded in agreeance. “Of course,” he laughed dryly, wiping his hands on his pants. He let out a deep breath, getting rid of the nerves.
“Coming?” Changbin asked, standing by the door. Seungmin nodded, letting himself follow the older out the door.
He definitely did not hope to kiss Changbin’s cheeks like Chan did to Felix earlier and have Changbin blush just like Felix did, or the way Chan smiled the whole day getting to cuddle Felix on that couch while Seungmin sulked in the corner, throwing whatever small thing was close to him. Definitely not .
He did.)
5.
Making music videos are Seungmin’s excuse to have a chance at looking at Changbin with a purpose. Minho told him that that was not a viable excuse, but he let him amuse himself anyway. And for the sake of Minho’s entertainment, he would take pictures of Seungmin staring at Changbin, not forgetting to caption it with “hopelessly in love” with a laughing emoji.
(He later found out, he would also send it to a group chat with six of the members, gossiping about the left out’s relationship.)
Despite Minho’s humiliating remarks, Seungmin still doesn’t miss a chance to stare at Changbin. When they were supposed to be on break, or when they’re not called for a certain shoot, Seungmin still finds himself cheering for the older, sometimes dragging one or two of the younger members down with him.
And when the group is called down, Seungmin and Changbin would be latching onto each other (“Like a couple of leeches,” Jeongin once compared, which earned a synchronous laugh from the other younger members but a pillow on the face by Seungmin.)
Seungmin would wrap his arms just around Changbin’s now broad shoulders from behind him. (Speaking of, Seungmin definitely could not hold himself back from staring — not that he ever had the power to before, but — ever since Changbin started working out and specifically coming back to the dorms with a much more lean body. He just thinks Changbin is very, very neat. That’s all.) Then, he would rest his chin on top of his head because he’s tall enough to do so, but sometimes he’d crouch down to his shoulders instead, or just against his head.
And when the directors told them to just act like themselves, Changbin always finds his way towards Seungmin.
One time, for Blueprint’s music video, he had carried Seungmin towards the water, in the back of his mind, Changbin thought about dropping Seungmin, but he knew better than wasting his outfit and his perfectly styled hair that brushed just above his eyebrows. Changbin waited until after they finished filming and they all thanked the crew, given the cue to play for the remaining time against the ocean.
Almost immediately, Changbin carried Seungmin bridal style towards the cold water, dropping him. Seungmin resurfaced back, pulling his hair back away from his face, Changbin stared at him softly with a smile Seungmin only heard stories about. But he didn’t dwell on that, or the warm feeling he felt in his chest despite how cold his skin was, pulling Changbin’s nape almost as if he was going to kiss him.
And maybe, Changbin did think that by the way his mouth gaped and his eyes bulged out of its sockets. Seungmin blushed a crimson red, before pulling the both of them underwater, and Changbin whined playfully.
Or moments where they’re running around that tree for EX. When he noticed how Jisung winked at him showing him how he and Felix were dancing; Jisung spun the two of them around and Felix also shot him a wink, and to his left he saw Changbin just standing.
“Sure, you wouldn’t mind dancing with me right?” Changbin smiled, offering his hand for the younger to take, and they danced like a couple of fools. Not as playful as Jisung and Felix though, just slow and soft and melodic. Seungmin couldn't keep his eyes off the older one, and neither did he.
It was a recurring theme at that point. Hugging each other for the simplest things — like when Seungmin had gotten the ball in for B Me , and the same goes for Changbin. They just always find each other, ignoring the other hands of the members clearly reaching out for a high-five, and into each other’s arms.
“Jisung and Minho-hyung hugged earlier too!” Seungmin defended when Hyunjin had cornered him.
He only snorted as a reply, “That’s Jisung and Minho-hyung though, that’s their sign of affection.”
“Well maybe, it’s Changbin-hyung and mine too.”
“Yeah, but Jisung doesn’t have a crush on Minho-hyung, like you do with Changbin-hyung.”
And that’s when Seungmin would shut up, running away from the conversation — literally or through changing topics, either way, Hyunjin would only laugh teasingly.
After the day had long passed and the making films videos that their division had posted them, Seungmin would only then realize how comfortable he was being around Changbin. How he’d even close his eyes, because with the older in his arms, he’s calm and peaceful. And he definitely hoped Changbin wouldn’t barge in his room, like the rest of the members, teasing him. Even if they all get the same response of pillow on the face, they just never stop.
+1
Ever since finding out about the bet (and his strong will to not let Chan win against Felix because “Us, maknae line, have to stand together and win against the hyungs!” Verbatim by Han Jisung), Seungmin had written a few drafts of confessions, which the other four have taken liberty to edit and almost just as quick to erase the whole paragraph.
Still none of the drafts actually worked and Seungmin is (once again) sulking in his room alone as he stared at the ceiling with not much hope for himself and confessing to Changbin anytime soon.
“Hey.” Seungmin looked up and Changbin’s head peeked through the door, smiling softly. “Can I come in?”
Seungmin let out a barely audible hum before Changbin walked in, sliding on the bed next to the younger. Their hands were barely brushing against each other, but Seungmin could still feel him close enough to synchronize with his breathing.
“They posted our duet earlier,” Changbin began. Seungmin had to think twice before realizing he meant their duet dance for their Japanese comeback. “Have you seen it?”
Seungmin shook his head, no, but he assumed Changbin would be looking at the ceiling just like him, so verbally he sighed, muttering, “Not yet, why?”
Changbin laughed softly and Seungmin finally turned his head to his left to watch Changbin’s expression as he told him, “The members have been teasing us a lot about it.”
“What are they saying?”
The older still held half a smile, but the genuinity of it was held full, “They’re saying you look at me like I was the only guy in the world,” he chuckled.
Seungmin then turned his whole body towards Changbin, “And what’d you think?”
Changbin followed Seungmin through with turning his body towards him, brushing his leg with his until they’re tangled together. “I thought, eh, that’s ridiculous, Seungminnie doesn’t think that.”
“How do I make you believe it then?”
The older blinked at him, mouth gaping as if unsure what to say next. Changbin had always known what to say whenever Seungmin would walk up to him, seeking advice, or anyone in the group for that matter. He always took the high road too, and that’s only one of the many reasons why Seungmin had admired him past the looks and his stage presence.
“I don’t know,” he half shrugged, “How would you make me believe?” he challenged instead.
And since his words weren’t forming correctly on his notes app, and his actions of trying to spell out for Changbin were never enough for Changbin to finally get the message, Seungmin grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, nose touching. Changbin hitched a breath, watching Seungmin inch even closer, so he stopped to ask, “Is this hopefully on the right track?”
“Better than what I had in mind,” Changbin managed to let out a soft laugh, inching closer that their lips are already brushing against each other, but it wouldn’t be a kiss yet.
When Seungmin finally sealed their lips to a kiss, it wasn’t a grand moment either, just like how he found out he liked the older more than just a crush, or when he found out that Changbin wrote love songs dedicated for him, or that everyone else in the group knew about their feelings to each other. It was just a kiss after all. Kisses were not meant to determine your feelings for each other, it was merely a type of affection, and they’ve been very affectionate for each other.
But that simple kiss finally brought out the feelings that have been dying to get out of them. And maybe it wasn’t a grand moment, and it was definitely overdue, but, they don’t let anything spoil the moment, or to regret any days they could’ve talked about it instead of testing around the water, dancing on their words and actions. This is what they were meant to have, and if Seungmin was being honest, he wouldn’t have wished for anything to be different.
They let the time tick by slowly around them like they held all the time in the world — even if the members had been rampaging loudly outside the room, screaming at each other as to who made the move first, or who asked to be official. Changbin and Seungmin only smile through their kiss, promising each other that they’re not going to tell anyone who asked who first.
(Maybe Seungmin would have wished to ask Changbin out first, but when he saw the older’s flustered ears, mumbling his confession out, telling him how much he had liked him since training years as well — he assured himself, he wouldn’t trade the image that lives in the back of his head for anything else.)