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You slowly tiptoed your way up the stairs and peeked your head out the window, training your eyes to get used to the darkness. The moon is nowhere near full and the clouds aren’t helping at all but you breathed a sigh of relief when you made out his form in the dark, lying quietly on a bunch of old blankets laid carelessly atop the roof.
Somehow you just knew you’d find him here. And now that you did, you can go back to your own home with peace of mind. You slowly turned around, careful not to make a sound but in your peripheral vision, you noticed him get up and turn to your direction.
“Don’t leave...” he called out. “Stay?” his voice was a tad softer this time, lying on his back again.
You stopped on your tracks and nervously looked at him. You can’t really see his face but you can just imagine how he looked like by the way he sounded.
This isn’t the first time he ‘disappeared’. He always does—he would always seem fun and happy and okay then one day he’d just shut himself out from the world. No one, not even his parents could reach him. And that would go on to an uncertain amount of time—from a few hours to days to weeks.
The first time he did, you worried to death. But as it went on, you just got used to it. You just understood. Because that’s just how he is. You just have to be ready to give him the warmest hug when he’s back—he always comes back anyway. You never asked him anything though, but you always make your presence known. You’d always be there. Whenever he’s ready, that is.
You slowly stepped towards where he was and carefully lied down beside him. For quite some time, you both just laid there, breathing in the night, staring at the skies.
“Thoughts?” He suddenly asked, breaking the silence. You turned your head to look at him but he was still just staring ahead so you just did the same.
“Dude, my head is literally empty right now,” you said, embarrassed you couldn’t give him a worthy conversation. “But the sky is pretty?”
He chuckled softly at your response, “It always is.”
It got quiet again but silences with him were never uncomfortable. Instead, it was calming.
“Isn’t it interesting how the moon is just always there? In the middle of the dark..” he asked after a while. “Do you ever think of how sad it is for the moon to keep on shining for a world that doesn’t care about it?”
You turned to look at him with a scrunched forehead, a ghost of a smile was evident on his face. “How would you know that the world doesn’t care about the moon? You can’t speak in behalf of the world.”
“Do you?”
You scoffed, feeling cornered all of a sudden as you averted your gaze back to the skies. “Maybe just not as much as you do,” you replied defensively. “I like the night sky,” you said as if it makes anything better.
“Because there’s something that makes the darkness bearable. No one ever says they like the darkness alone.”
“Do you?”
He just shrugged his shoulders and turned to you this time. “Maybe? Because of the moon.”
“The darkness scares me. It makes me feel lost. But sure.” You replied, indulging. “Isn’t it like a comforting presence? It’s.. something certain. You know that no matter what, at the end of the day, no matter how hard it has been, you can just look up and know that it will always be there. Some nights you can’t see it but you just know it’s there.”
“Taken for granted..” you heard him whisper.
“When things get too familiar, it tends to go unnoticed. Maybe that’s what makes it sad. But the moon doesn’t need any kind of validation though. It’s perfect as it is,” you insisted, hoping he sees your point.
“People just notice it when it’s full.. but in all of its other phases.. taken for granted.” He said slowly as if hesitating.
“Yet it shines on.”
“I guess..” he finally conceded and moved to a more laxed position, his head on top of his arms. “That’s just how it is.”
“You are valid, Jae. You can’t let anyone define you just as you can’t really define anyone else, too.”
“Hmm..” he hummed nonchalantly and fell quiet again, deep in thoughts. Of what, guess you’ll never know. You heard him sigh before you felt him move and suddenly his warm hand has caught yours. “Cold?”
“Nah.” You squeezed his hand as if to reassure him that it’s fine. “You know I’m always here, right?”
He nodded. “But I want to be able to lean on myself first before I even try to lean on anyone else,” he paused, “On you, especially.”
“I have strong shoulders.”
“And I have a heavy head,” he chuckled before getting serious again, squeezing your hand tightly. “Somehow I just knew you’d come find me tonight.”
You turned to him and met his eyes. Even in the dark, his gaze would always give you warmth. “Maybe because I have this feeling that I’d find you. That you wanted to be found. Tonight, at least. You know I’ll never barge into futile attempts.” You smiled.
“You can always find me. Here beneath the stars,” his tone was suddenly mocking, gesturing his hand up, but you knew better than to take it as it is.
“Always lost in thoughts.”
“Always lost in thoughts,” he repeated more to himself.
“Why do I feel like you’re thinking of that quote from TFIOS?”
He laughed guiltily. “Cos I am. My thoughts are stars—“
“I cannot fathom into constellations.” You finished with him, smiling.
“At least they’re stars.” He grinned.
You gazed back to the skies. “At least they’re shining. For whom, you may never know. But for sure, there’s at least one person out there who appreciates the light you give.”
He nodded before turning to the skies again. “Thank you for staying.”