Chapter Text
Milk laced with cinnamon and sugar, a light spice to it that burns Soobin’s nose the slightest bit. In about a month or so, the spice will develop into a new scent that will determine the scent of the child now growing in Yeonjun’s womb. His child, Soobin ’s child.
He can barely believe it. But Taehyun and Jimin both confirmed that the smell was what Soobin thought it was. It had been a couple hours since the fight and Soobin had smelled something on Yeonjun while he rested. It confused him at first, then it worried him and soon enough, he brought in the other two wolves and asked if they smelled it as well.
They both confirmed that they smelled it as well and Soobin, at first, was mad. He was mad because Yeonjun put their children at risk so recklessly, but then realized that Yeonjun most likely didn’t know either. Yeonjun isn’t like that, he wouldn’t sacrifice the lives of their children, or any children, just to get a position on the guard. Plus, if Namjoon found out, he would’ve forced Yeonjun out of there, whether he was on the team or not because of his pregnancy.
Soobin can’t stop staring at Yeonjun. He looks so at peace even though his body has to be aching and sore. Soobin also can’t stop worrying over the baby and he wants to figure out if the child is okay or not. It’s hard to tell, especially so early, at this point, only time will tell in one of two forms, blood and loss of the milky scent or a swollen belly and an undertone of another scent along with the milky smell. Soobin prays, begs to the moon goddess that it’s not the first option.
Taehyun enters again, holding a basket full of assorted berries. He sets them beside Yeonjun and sits on the other side, the one opposite of Soobin. “You look worried.”
“How can I not be?”
Taehyun sighs, “True.”
“I’m also frustrated.”
“Why?”
“It’s just…” Soobin huffs out his frustration, “how come I couldn’t smell it on him earlier?”
“That’s just how his body works, it decided now was the time to make it known.”
“But,” Soobin sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “...shouldn’t it take days before we know?”
“It might’ve happened the first day, you guys were in the tent for a little while, enough days for his body to change.”
Soobin shakes his head and groans, “I-I don’t understand this, he just-he just fought like nine wolves in this condition! What if it did damage to-”
“I don’t think we can figure that out until he’s awake, Soobin.”
As if on cue, Yeonjun hums and clenches his eyes shut before blinking them open and looking at Soobin with hazy, tired eyes. Soobin can’t stop himself from smiling down at his mate, he’s so beautiful even when he’s just waking up. Unfortunately, that doesn’t erase the worry that’s deep seated inside his heart.
“Yeonjunnie?” Soobin rests his hands against Yeonjun’s arm, “baby, my sweet mate, are you awake?” He looks half asleep, his eyelids keep fluttering downwards, but for the most part he’s managing to keep his eyes open.
“Hi, Soo-Soobinnie,” the corner of Yeonjun’s lip tilts up in a small smile. His voice is low and raspy and rough, Soobin wishes to get him some water, but his mind is slightly preoccupied by an important question.
“Did you know, Yeonjun?” Taehyun voices the question before Soobin can even form the words.
Yeonjun looks over at Taehyun on his right and furrows his eyebrows together, “Know? Know what?”
Soobin speaks this time, “Did you know you were pregnant?”
Yeonjun processes the question. Soobin can see the gears turning, the words running through the machine that is Yeonjun’s mind. Then his eyes widen and he’s inching a hand to touch his stomach protectively.
“I’m-what?”
“You’re pregnant, Yeonjun.”
“How-how long? Did I-?” Yeonjun gasps to himself, glancing down at his stomach, and his smell turns the slightest bit sour with his fear.
Soobin knows what he’s going to say before Yeonjun finishes, “As far as we know, the baby is still okay. Only time will really tell. Do you remember any direct hits to your stomach?”
Yeonjun stutters through his answer nervously, “N-No, I don’t.”
“Does it hurt in that area? Like are you cramping or just have general pain there?” Taehyun asks this time.
“Not-Not specifically there, no,” Yeonjun glances down at his stomach worriedly.
“Usually it’s easier to tell if you’ve had a miscarrage because the milky scent will fade away. We’ll have to monitor you for a couple days, see what happens. Another indication would be bleeding, if you see blood then you’ll know,” Taehyun sighs, his demeanor dampened at the prospect of a miscarriage.
“But try not to stress yourself over this too much, for all we know, the baby could be completely fine. Only time will tell. If there weren’t any major blows to your abdomen, I believe you will be alright, Yeonjun, and you know I wouldn’t lie to you,” Taehyun grabs his hand and squeezes it gently, “I’ll give you two some alone time, I have to check up on some other wolves.”
Taehyun leaves and Soobin turns his attention to Yeonjun, who is laying on his back, tears spilling over his eyes and stroking the sides of his face, puddling in the curve of his ears. He speaks up, his voice weak and saddened, breaking on the first word, “If we lose this baby...it’ll be all my fault.”
“Don’t say that, Yeonjunnie, it’ll be okay,” Soobin says that but he’s terrified, scared of what might show in the next couple of days, “you didn’t know. No one did, I know that if you had known, you wouldn’t have even thought about doing it.”
Yeonjun sniffles, brings up a hand to paw away the tears, “But...I should’ve known. My heat just ended yesterday and there wasn’t anything to stop it from happening, you came in me too many times for it not to happen,” light pink dusts his cheeks once he’s finished speaking.
Soobin sighs in frustration, “Okay, so we both weren’t thinking, it happens, Yeonjun. We weren’t even thinking about having a baby, we are smarter than this, but it happens to everyone. We’ll be more careful in the future.”
“I’m so scared, Soobinnie,” Yeonjun sobs out, bringing up his hands to block out his face, “I just killed our baby!”
Soobin gently moves his hands away from his face and frowns, “Stop it, Yeonjun. I think the baby will be okay. You didn’t get hit in the stomach, so that in itself is a good sign. We have to remain optimistic and trust that it is our time to have this baby, okay? Can you do that for me, mate? Can you do that with me?”
Yeonjun takes his time answering the question, calms himself down a bit, still crying, but not nearly as hard a couple minutes ago, “I-I can...can do that.”
“Good,” Soobin leans down and presses a kiss to Yeonjun’s pouting lips, “we can do this, together. I love you, Yeonjun, and I will love our pup once we are reassured that they are alive and well. We will get that reassurance, right?”
“Right…”
+++
Soobin lies awake, staring into the roof of the tent, a sleeping Yeonjun cuddled into his chest for a sense of safety and warmth. His mind won’t shut up, won’t allow him to rest. His wolf is anxious about the previous events and failure simmers warm in his chest at the prospect of losing his child.
The need and urge to protect the child growing within Yeonjun has been overwhelming since the moment he figured out Yeonjun was pregnant. But he’s failed before he could even start. Yeonjun fought in that fight and it was rough, Yeonjun is physically exhausted and sore and even though he wasn’t hit in the stomach directly, because of the strain on his body, there’s still a higher risk for miscarriage.
Soobin remembers when his mother told him and Kai about the miscarriage she had before giving birth to Soobin. It took a toll on her, mentally, physically, and affected his father as well, put him and her in a grieving state for quite a while.
When they figured out Soobin was growing within her, they were fearful it would happen again, constantly on edge, constantly monitoring and being careful, more than careful. It was a reassurance when Soobin was born, then came along Kai, and yet again, they were cautious, overly cautious, his mother terrified that she would wake up one night and find herself submersed into a pool of blood.
As far as he knows, they haven't even lost the child yet, but here he is, terrified that Yeonjun will wake up with blood leaking from his nether regions, that the milkiness of his smell will fade as easily and as suddenly as it came.
Yeonjun stirs in his sleep, twitches his nose like a rabbit, his eyes moving back and forth behind his eyelids, then he falls silent and still, except for his eyes. He’s dreaming. Soobin wonders if it’s another nightmare, if he’ll get another sobbing Yeonjun to coddle and kiss and to comfort back to sleep.
Now that Soobin thinks about it, Yeonjun hasn’t had as many nightmares. It’s less frequent than it used to be, but it still happens. Soobin worried so much when they first happened, not only because Yeonjun woke up scared or crying, but because Yeonjun has been terrorized and traumatized for so long.
Soobin doesn’t undermine the power of Yeonjun’s nightmares, however, this is how Yeonjun’s mind and body has chosen to deal with the trauma and Soobin can’t change that even if he desperately wishes he could. All Soobin can do is be there for him when Yeonjun needs him, and that’s what he’ll always do, until the end of time or until Yeonjun wishes to get rid of him.
Soobin watches Yeonjun a little bit longer, rakes his fingers through Yeonjun’s hair in an attempt to keep himself and Yeonjun calm, just in case. Yeonjun’s chest rises and falls, slowly, evenly, and curls closer to Soobin.
Soobin hurts for Yeonjun and his child, wants to kiss away the pain, hold them both longer than eternity, protect them with every inch of his being. His heart gushes and clenches, fierce possessiveness and protectiveness flows through him while staring at Yeonjun with fond eyes, at Yeonjun and their baby .
Everything, Soobin would do everything if that’s what it took to keep his mate and baby safe, happy, and loved.
+++
Soobin is stirred when he feels the weight on his chest lifting. He forces his eyes open right as Yeonjun slips outside of the tent. He rubs his eyes quickly and sits up, attempting to shake off the sleepiness that wishes to drag him back down into unconsciousness.
Instead, Soobin crawls out of the tent and stumbles to his feet clumsily, looking around while blinking his eyes hard to make the grogginess go away. He squints and scans the area outside of their tent.
Yeonjun sits over by the body of water, staring up at the sky. Soobin ambles his way over quietly, but stops a fair distance away when he hears Yeonjun speaking out loud.
“...I’m so sorry,” Yeonjun’s voice breaks, “that I did that to you, you’re my baby and I-I…I almost hurt you for selfish reasons. I just want to know if you’re okay. I didn’t mean it, I promise. I already love you so much, but you might be...and it’s all because of me.”
Soobin’s immediate instinct is to walk over and comfort his mate, but he hesitates. He wants to see what Yeonjun will say next, how he’ll handle his own words.
“I don’t wanna cry,” Yeonjun brings an arm up and wipes his tears, “I don’t, so I’ll tell you some good things about life to convince you to stay.”
Soobin smiles at the words, he can’t help the tug of the corner of his lips, he’s stuck letting them spread and revealing his teeth as he watches Yeonjun’s interaction with the child situated in his belly.
“Life is beautiful, not always nice, but always gorgeous. It surrounds you, the trees, bushes, animals, flowers, berries, humans, werewolves. If you decide to stay, I’ll make sure you have a good life, that you’ll be okay. You won’t live like me, you’ll live happy and loved and surrounded by good people,” Yeonjun pauses and rubs a hand over his flat belly.
“Unfortunately, I’ll have to teach you about the bad things life gives too. Like the bad people, the mean wolves, the scary animals, the poisonous fruits and plants. They’re always beautiful, like the rivers, like the flowers, but they can hurt you. I’ll do my best to protect you, but to learn and grow, you’ll make mistakes, break rules, and get hurt, whether self-inflicted or not. It’ll happen.”
“That’s what Soobin is for, he’ll help you back up no matter what, over and over again, he will save you and lift you back up and help you to your feet no matter what. Then, when you find a mate, they’ll take over for me and Soobin. By yourself and together with them, you will learn to grow and navigate life. And if you still need us sometimes, that’s okay, Soobin and I will always be there for you. Life is hard, but you will survive. I promise you, baby, all of it, if you just...stay.”
Soobin walks forward carefully and seats himself carefully. Yeonjun turns his head, but his eyes hold no surprise, “Smelled me?”
Yeonjun’s eyes shine with unshed tears but he smiles and whispers with a little nod, “Yeah.”
“Well, just so you know, you drive a hard bargain. I think our pup will definitely stay after that speech,” Soobin smiles gently, glances down at Yeonjun’s stomach before staring back into his eyes with a fondness that paints his irises a darker brown.
A tear slips down Yeonjun’s cheek, but his smile only grows wider, “I sure hope so.”
Soobin scoots closer and wraps an arm around Yeonjun’s shoulders, Yeonjun leaning his head on Soobin’s shoulder as they stare out at the river, at the gleaming night sky, the wise and watchful moon, eyes of the protective moon goddess. “Whatever they decide, we’ll make it through, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Yeonjunnie. I love you and our baby.”
“...we love you too, Soobin, so much .”