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Tsukishima was having a terrible day. If he knew why he was feeling this way he’d nip the problem right at the bud, but the problem was that he didn’t know. It pisses him off. It was one of those days again. One of these days where he felt like shit for no reason. All he knows is the pain in his chest making him feel like he’s suffocating. The thoughts in his head cloud his mind, telling him that he’s useless, that no one really gives a shit about him, that it’s pointless to even try. So he takes it out of other people to cope. His usual teasing remarks turn less light hearted and more scathing. Of course people noticed the shift. After all, when Tsukishima wanted people to hurt he’s efficient, always knowing the right buttons to push.
It gets so bad that Ennoshita had to send him outside to take a walk and cool down. Yamaguchi gives him a worried glance from across the gym, being friends for so long taught him to know when Tsukishima was feeling down. Tsukishima ignores the looks of his teammates as he steps outside. As he leaves he watches the first years continue practicing. He hears Coach Ukai complimenting their blocking, saying how if they kept it up they’ll have a spot as a regular. He feels his chest clench.
Replaceable. Something dark whispers into his ear, and he tries to ignore it.
He gingerly takes a seat on a gym step, legs collapsing underneath him, sore from running around and jumping for blocks during practice. Tsukishima takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. He couldn’t wait to go home.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
After swiftly escaping Yamaguchi’s worried remarks and antsy looks, he eventually gets home and runs upstairs to collapse on his bed.
The words kept coming back; they echoed like an endless mantra in his head drowning out any kind of positivity. He rolls over on his back, and removes his glasses to place it on his nightstand along with his cellphone. He buries himself in his covers as he curls up into a fetal position, hugging his dinosaur plushie tight as he attempts to sleep off his sadness. A few moments pass and he’s slowly drifting closer and closer to sleep, however a soft noise coming from his phone catches his attention. He blearily wipes his eyes as he reaches out to grab his phone. He opens it, squinting a bit at the light and checks his notifications. It was Kuroo.
rooster head(nekoma)
How’s my little moonshine doing today? ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
It was stupid, how a simple text just made all the voices in his head quiet down, even for a little bit. How it made his heart a little lighter and let him breathe a bit easier. He lets out a huff of laughter, rolling his eyes before typing out a response.
Me
I’m taller than you, Tetsu. Stop calling me little.
rooster head(nekoma)
you’re my baby tho (//∇//)
Tsukishima feels his face redden as he reads the text. He groans and buries his face into his pillow. His phone continues to vibrate with messages from Kuroo, no doubt teasing him about getting flustered since Tsukishima hasn’t answered. It makes him think about just how far they’ve come in their relationship, from their first meeting with Tsukishima thinking of Kuroo as an annoying senpai who wouldn’t leave him alone, to texting each other almost every day, actually getting to know each other, and then hitting it off and becoming a couple a few months later. Now here they were, one and a half years into their relationship, still going on strong even with the 427.4 km of distance between them. Tsukishima never expected their relationship to last this long if he was to be honest, with Kuroo focusing on his studies in University at Tokyo and with Tsukishima trying to survive his second year of highschool back in Miyagi. He still feels like one day Kuroo will tire of him, that one day Kuroo will decide that Tsukishima wasn’t worth all that time and effort, that Kuroo would realize that he can do so much better than Tsukishima.
Yet he looks at Tsukishima with such love and adoration that it both scares him and grounds him, it's enough to quell his negative thoughts, just a little bit.
Those kinds of insecurities still creep into his thoughts, they’re like little whispers in his head that make him doubt. Perhaps one day it will become reality, for both of them are too young for such an important commitment, but for now, Tsukishima will hold on to Kuroo’s tender kisses, gentle touches and his loving words for as long as he can. For as long as he is able to have this small bit of happiness in his life.
Maybe it was his shitty day, or maybe it was the fact that he’s been repressing so much emotions for so long, but the thought of Kuroo leaving him was the tipping point that he begins to cry. He turns to lay on his back to face the ceiling, feeling his tears stream down his cheek, and he just lets it flow.
He was so lost in his own head that he forgot to reply to Kuroo. He opens his phone and thumbs through Kuroo’s messages.
rooster head(nekoma)
keiiiii
what, no smartass comment?
wait a minute…
awwww baby, are you flustered? xD
agh you’re so cute i love you
this isn’t fair btw, you dont get to be this cute
great now i wanna see ur face
can i call you? I miss your face babe (T ^ T)
Kei?
It’s ok if ur busy, I can call you some other time.
we can just text :3 I like texting u
He really doesn’t deserve Kuroo. He rolls so he’s laying on his stomach, still cuddling the dinosaur plushie, before he types out a reply.
Me
We literally called each other a few hours ago
rooster head(nekoma)
Thats 7 hours too longgggg
Me
Ugh fine, give me two minutes
rooster head(nekoma)
Ily <3
Tsukishima tries wiping the tears away from his face, giving himself a once over in his phone camera to make sure he looks somewhat presentable. He could see the redness in his eyes despite his blurry vision and he sighs, knowing that Kuroo would probably notice. He learned pretty early on in their relationship that Kuroo was surprisingly really good at reading him, he’d see right through Tsukishima’s attempts at hiding but that doesn’t mean that Tsukishima wouldn’t try.
He hears his phone start ringing and answers it, dabbing at his tears with his blanket as he waits for the call to connect. He turns his face to the side, smushing his left cheek to his pillow and he pulls his blanket up higher, hoping that it’ll prevent his boyfriend from seeing the redness in his eyes.
It only takes a few seconds for Kuroo’s handsome face to appear on his screen. The raven was sitting against his headboard, hair as messy as usual. His boyfriend’s face was in a pout at first, but the moment he saw Tsukishima his entire face lit up. To this day, the blonde doesn’t know why he has that effect on him.
“ Moonshine!” Kuroo exclaims, “ I miss your beautiful face.” Tsukishima scrunches his nose as Kuroo pulls the camera into a kiss, yet he could feel his face heat up at that action.
Tsukishima plays with a loose thread of his pillow case as he mumbles, “I miss you too.” From the corner of his eye he sees his boyfriend’s lips stretch into a wide smile. “ You’re too cute babe. “ The older man sighs, face still a few inches away from his own phone screen, “ I can’t wait until I visit you in Miyagi again.”
I can’t wait either . Tsukishima hums in agreement, picking at the fluff of his plushie.
He hears Kuroo chuckle, “ Kei, why do you have your covers halfway up ur face?”
Tsukishima responds by covering even more of his face with his blanket.
“ Noooooo.” Kuroo whines, while the other smirks at the sound. “ Don’t keep the face of an angel away from my sight, you’re so cruel.”
Tsukishima feels his face warm up at that. He was glad that he had blankets covering his splotchy red cheeks. No matter how many times Kuroo compliments him, it always catches him off guard, and his boyfriend never fails to tease him when he becomes flustered.
“ Babe,” Kuroo drawls out. “ Let me see your face, please.”
God, Tsukishima can practically hear the pout in his voice. I’m dating a child, he thinks. Sighing, he removes the covers from his face, and tries his hardest to glare at the camera, hoping that his boyfriend would ignore his red-rimmed eyes and tear stained face.
“ Babe…? Were you crying?”
Tsukishima slams his phone flat into his pillow, his screen face down, effectively blocking the front camera. “No,” He grumbles. He hears Kuroo squak in indignation at having his view of Tsukishima covered. His boyfriend starts whining again about not being able to see Tsukishima. But he stubbornly keeps his phone face down into his pillow. After a few seconds Kuroo falls silent, it makes Tsukishima panic, thinking that Kuroo had actually grown tired of him but then he hears:
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Kuroo’s voice was a bit muffled from his phone still laying on his pillow, but Tsukishima heard him loud and clear. He closes his eyes again, and feels another set of tears escape, dampening his pillow. He takes a deep, shuddering breath before replying, “I know.”
Tsukishimac, trying his hardest to keep the tears from flowing, but once he sees the sincere and worried look on Kuroo’s face he just breaks down. He pulls his blanket up to his face, trying to muffle his sobs once again.
“ Aw fuck,” He hears Kuroo curse, “ Let it all out moonshine, it's ok. I’m here for you.”
His tears continue to fall for a few minutes. Eventually, Kuroo’s soft voice and encouraging words calm him down. He peers at his phone screen again and sees Kuroo looking at him with such a sad expression. His boyfriend was chewing on his bottom lip, a nervous habit that Tsukishima noted.
“Do you… want to talk about it?”
“Not right now,” Tsukishima mumbles.
“ Ok babe, no pressure,” He hears Kuroo sigh, “ I just wish I was there to kiss your tears away.”
They fall into comfortable silence, and Tsukishima shifts his position so he can settle in his bed better.
“Hey look at this moonshine,” Kuroo calls out.
“Yes?”
“ If you hold your phone like that it kinda looks like I’m right next to you.”
And with that the somber mood disappears. Tsukishima lets out a laugh “You’re a dumbass.”
“I’m your dumbass.” Kuroo says with a wink. Tsukishima watches as the corners of Kuroo’s eyes crinkles as he smiles. “ A few more weeks until winter break then I can visit your cute face.”
He watches Kuroo as he rolls over so he lays on his right side, “ Hold on a little longer for me, ok babe?”
“I will.”
They both continue talking for a while, telling each other about their day, (Tsukishima does open up a bit about it), updating each other about their friends’ lives. They joke around and tease each other a bit before Kuroo has to leave.
“I’m meeting with Bokuto and Akaashi in a bit, I’ll call you later if you’re still awake. Make sure to eat your dinner by the way babe.”
“Ok,” Tsukishima replies.
“See you soon moonshine.” Kuroo says as he kisses the camera, “ I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He hears Kuroo hang up. Tsukishima misses his voice already.
He places his phone down on his bedside table, setting a timer for an hour so he can get up to eat. Tsukishima raises his covers higher up and snuggles into his pillows. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and tries to pretend for a moment that Kuroo’s there with him. That the soft dinosaur plushie that he’s hugging is Kuroo’s warm body, that he’s burying his face into Kuroo’s neck and smelling the coffee that he just drank. He pretends that Kuroo’s arms are wrapped around him, settling all those mind numbing thoughts that run through his head. And for a moment, it's enough. He drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face, knowing that in a couple hours, Kuroo would be there to talk to him again.