Work Text:
DAVE: im bored
DAVE: wanna watch a movie
KARKAT: OKAY.
KARKAT: BUT YOU'RE GETTING THE SNACKS THIS TIME.
DAVE: aw man what
DAVE: i got them last time though
KARKAT: YEAH, AND BEFORE THAT, *I* GOT THEM TWO TIMES IN A ROW.
KARKAT: ERGO, GET THE SNACKS, FUCKHEAD.
DAVE: damn
DAVE: ...
KARKAT: SO?
KARKAT: AREN'T YOU GOING TO GET THEM?
DAVE: nah
KARKAT: ??
DAVE: dont feel like it
KARKAT: THEN I GUESS WE'RE NOT WATCHING A MOVIE.
DAVE: what no
DAVE: it was my turn to choose the movie
DAVE: i had one picked out already
KARKAT: GET THE FUCKING SNACKS THEN.
DAVE: no
KARKAT: OH MY GOD.
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE SUCH A CHILD RIGHT NOW.
DAVE: i am a child
KARKAT: YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, ASSHOLE.
KARKAT: IF YOU WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE, YOU GO GET THE SNACKS.
KARKAT: SIMPLE AS THAT.
DAVE: ughhhhhhhh
KARKAT: JEGUS.
KARKAT: HOW AM I PALE FOR YOU?
DAVE: uhhh cause im awesome
KARKAT: THAT'S A HORRIBLE ANSWER.
DAVE: no its not
DAVE: "cause im awesome" is objectively the best and most effective way to end an argument
DAVE: like how do you counter that
DAVE: the answer is you dont
DAVE: youll just have to live out the rest of your sad miserable life knowing that you lost an argument to "cause im awesome"
DAVE: because you simply could not come up with an awesomer comeback than that
DAVE: youll go home to your family and when your wife asks you how your day was all you can do is start crying because of the realization that your entire life has been a sham
DAVE: shes gonna look at the kids at the dinner table waiting to be fed as the casserole she lovingly cooked and just took out of the oven is steaming on the kitchen counter
DAVE: then shes going to look back at you with a worried expression on her face and once you can finally utter out how your day truly was she and the kids will be long gone
DAVE: who did they go to
DAVE: take a long and wild fucking guess
KARKAT: ...DID THEY GO TO THE AWESOME GUY
DAVE: bingo
DAVE: see youre starting to understand
KARKAT: I AM NOT.
KARKAT: HOW DOES THIS PERTAIN TO YOU GETTING THE SNACKS?
DAVE: damnit
KARKAT: ?
DAVE: i thought i could distract you enough so you would forget that whole thing
KARKAT: HOLY FUCK DAVE.
KARKAT: IT'S *REALLY* NOT THAT HARD.
KARKAT: THE SNACKS ARE LITERALLY FIVE FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU.
DAVE: what
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT?
KARKAT: I GOT THAT MINIFRIDGE SO IT WOULD BE EASIER TO STORE THEM.
KARKAT: DID YOU NOT SEE IT?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: would you be disappointed in me if i said yes
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: ...HAHAHA!
KARKAT: HOW DID YOU NOT NOTICE IT??
KARKAT: IT'S BEEN THERE FOR LIKE, 2 DAYS!
DAVE: two days??
DAVE: holy shit am i actually an idiot
KARKAT: YES.
DAVE: ouch
DAVE: look man i honestly have no idea how i didnt notice it
DAVE: like looking at it now
DAVE: its so obviously there
KARKAT: I'M *NEVER* GOING TO LET YOU LIVE THIS DOWN.
DAVE: nooo please
DAVE: dont mention this to the others i have to maintain my carefully crafted image
KARKAT: WHAT IMAGE?
DAVE: youre hurting me deeply karkat
KARKAT: SORRY.
KARKAT: CAN YOU GET THE SNACKS NOW THOUGH?
DAVE: yeah okay