Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Year Nine
Balthazar
"Pass the ball!"
One sentence. That was all it took for Balthazar to realise that his feelings for Pedro were more than friendly.
They were at Western Springs, kicking the soccer ball around. Balthazar liked soccer, was even pretty good at it, but he wasn't passionate about it the way Pedro was. It was just something that guys their age did; kick the ball around, slide-tackle unnecessarily, and make spectacularly dramatic diving saves. Balthazar would rather have been at home, playing piano, or practising on the guitar. Music was his vocation, the way soccer (and just generally being good at everything) was Pedro's.
Hero and Ursula were sprawled on a picnic blanket next to their makeshift goal, and Beatrice was wrestling Pedro for the ball. Balthazar smiled, watching them. He knew that Pedro had a little crush on Bea. He and Ursula talked about it all the time, because they were the only ones smart enough to notice. Beatrice was book-smart, much more so than he was, but she had a gift for completely missing the obvious. Plus, she was still stuck in the 'boys are evil, avoid them at all costs' stage. Pedro and Balthazar were exempt, because Pedro had long since been friend-zoned, and Balthazar was more of a background character in her life than a protagonist, so she could overlook the small issue of his gender. Balthazar wasn't sure what would happen when Beatrice finally met someone that she like-liked. Either they would be instantly inseparable, or she would drive him completely crazy and bully him mercilessly. His money was on the latter.
Pedro scooped the ball out from under Bea's feet, but she grabbed onto his shirt, holding him back. The ball bounced away, landing at Balthazar's feet.
"Pass the ball!" Pedro called, his voice breathless with laughter as he grappled with Beatrice. She was more angry than amused. Her competitive nature made it difficult for her to just relax and enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon kick-around.
Balthazar looked up, ready to kick the ball, when he suddenly froze. The sun had just emerged from behind a cloud, shining down on Pedro, highlighting his profile. His eyes caught a reflection of the sunshine, flashing as he smiled. It was like someone had punched Balthazar in the gut; all the wind left his body in one gust, leaving him breathless and uncertain. Beatrice broke free of Pedro's hold and stole the soccer ball from him, sprinting off to score. She threw her hands up in the air triumphantly, while Hero and Ursula cheered.
"I will always beat you!" she cried, pointing at Pedro.
"Balthazar, what was that?" he asked. He wasn't mad, just bemused. He walked over, shielding his eyes from the sun. His hair was messier than usual, strands of it sticking damply to his forehead.
Balthazar didn't know what to say. He couldn't think with Pedro standing so close. Something weird was happening, something he couldn't understand or explain. His heart was thundering against his ribcage, and there was a tightness in his chest that had nothing to do with the exercise. It was almost like...but, no...he couldn't...not Pedro.
"Are you okay, man?" Pedro peered at him in concern.
"What's going on?" Beatrice called. The girls were all watching them. Beatrice looked a bit annoyed, like she thought this was all some ploy to invalidate her goal. Hero was, as usual, all sweetness and light, worried about her friend. Ursula had a knowing look on her face that Balthazar didn't like.
Pedro clapped his hand on Balthazar's shoulder. "Come on. Come sit down."
Balthazar flinched away from his touch. "I'm fine," he said. "Don't worry about me."
"Hard not to, mate," Pedro smiled, a little uncertainly. He still looked concerned.
Balthazar skirted around him and joined the girls, accepting the bottle of water that Hero offered him. He could feel Pedro coming up behind him and started to panic.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asked, looking at Ursula. She nodded wordlessly and stood up, brushing the grass off of her skirt.
They fled the group, leaving Pedro staring after them, clearly a bit upset at having his best friend prefer Ursula's company over his.
As soon as they were out of sight of the others, Balthazar placed a hand over his chest, close to hyperventilating. "Oh my god."
"Just breathe." Ursula rubbed his back bracingly.
"What's happening to me, Urs?"
"I think you know."
Balthazar looked up at her with wide eyes. "But I can't...I'm not..."
"Not what?" Ursula asked, smiling gently.
"You know..."
"Say it."
"Gay."
Ursula's smile widened. "There's nothing wrong with being gay, Balthy. Look at Hero's parents. They're the happiest couple I know. Gender doesn't even really come into it."
"But, it's Pedro. Oh god, why is it Pedro? It's so inconvenient."
Ursula laughed. "Balthy, you are one of the most anti-social people I know. Apart from me, Pedro is the only one you spend any real time with. Is it really such a surprise that you've developed feelings for him?"
"Why couldn't I like you instead?" Balthazar whimpered, but they both knew he didn't mean it. As awful and scary as it felt, he couldn't imagine liking anyone other than Pedro. Not now that he had finally acknowledged his feelings.
Ursula laughed. "We would make a terrible couple. We're too similar. We'd just sit there, not speaking. Me filming, you playing the guitar."
"What's wrong with that? It sounds perfect."
Ursula fixed him with a meaningful look. "You need someone to bring you out of your shell. Pedro is that person for you. I'm happy that you've found him."
"You seem to be forgetting something."
"What's that?"
Balthazar smiled sadly. "Pedro is straight."
Pedro
Balthazar had been his friend for as long as he could remember. Their relationship had always been so easy. Balthazar was the most low-maintenance friend in the world. Pedro couldn't remember them having one single fight, throughout their entire friendship. So why was Balthazar pulling away from him now?
It upset him more than he thought it would when Balthazar left with Ursula. He'd always wondered if maybe there was something going on between them. They were too young for it to be anything serious, but apart from Pedro, Ursula was the only one Balthazar ever seemed to confide in.
Balthazar was a very private person. He didn't live to be noticed, like so many other people Pedro knew. Even Beatrice - beautiful, fiery, stubborn Beatrice - made more of a spectacle of herself than Balthazar ever did. It was the typical teenage mentality to want to stand out from the crowd, to be noticed, to be adored. Pedro had achieved that status without even really trying. Balthazar didn't try, and didn't seem to care that he was constantly overlooked. Hardly any of the teachers at school remembered his name. If they did remember, they always called him 'Stanley', which anyone who knew Balthazar knew that he hated. There was a reason he had adopted the nickname permanently in Year Six.
Balthazar was entirely content in himself. He had his friends and his music, and he never seemed to need anything else. Pedro had always admired him for that. Everyone always considered Pedro to be the mature one, the one that had everything all figured out, but he was sure they had it wrong. It should have been Balthazar that they all looked up to, not him.
The only time anyone ever seemed to notice Balthazar was when they were bullying him. He was such a nice guy, but short. Scrawny. An easy target. He was too laid back and kind to ever fight back. He just sort of shook his head, like getting beaten up was the price he had to pay for being so happy and content with his life. It made Pedro ridiculously angry that anyone would even think about hurting someone as awesome as Balthazar. It just didn't make sense to him that not everyone could see his worth. Sometimes even he was guilty of taking Balthazar's friendship for granted. There were just so many times when he had needed someone, and Balthazar had been there, no questions asked, to lend his support.
It was even just the little things...like the cheesy little songs Balthazar had written and performed for him when his parents split up. Or when Balthazar had turned up at his house unexpectedly with a backpack full of snacks and a couple video games, after Pedro got injured during the inter-school soccer semi-final. Whenever he needed him, Balthazar was there. Always.
So why wouldn't he let Pedro return the favour?
Clearly, something was up. Something Balthy felt comfortable talking to Ursula about, but not him. He spotted them the moment they got back from their 'walk', smiling and laughing together. Ursula had her arm linked through Balthy's.
Beatrice noticed this too, and wolf-whistled. "I bet you 5 dollars they were just in the bushes somewhere making out."
"Beatrice..." Hero sounded reproachful, but she was smiling.
Pedro frowned. "Are they dating?"
"Oh, you dear, simple boy." Beatrice patted his arm condescendingly. It wasn't really the answer Pedro had been hoping for.
"Hey, guys!" Bea called, exaggeratedly bright. She was terrible at subtlety.
Ursula rolled her eyes and sat down, pulling her arm back into her side. Balthy glanced at her, raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything. His eyes flickered briefly his way, but to Pedro's annoyance he refused to meet his gaze.
"Is everything okay now?" Pedro asked in an undertone. Beatrice and Hero were bantering, having a very Bea-dominated argument, and Ursula was pretending not to eavesdrop.
Balthy shrugged, still not quite looking him in the eye. "Just a bit hot."
Yeah, you are.
Pedro smirked to himself as the thought flitted briefly through his mind. He had always known he was bi-sexual, although he wasn't sure if anyone else had guessed. It just didn't feel like the sort of thing he needed to advertise. He wasn't hiding his sexuality, he was just so completely self-aware and confident that he didn't feel the need to broadcast something that had never been a secret to begin with. He wasn't actively hiding the truth. Why make a big deal out of it unnecessarily? If anyone thought to ask, he wouldn't lie. It was just no one had ever asked him. Maybe because, so far, he had only ever developed feelings (the kind of feelings you acted on) for girls. Right now it was Bea. Before her, it had been Viola.
Pedro had been attracted to guys before, but never enough to want to date them. Like right now. He had always thought Balthazar was cute...in an adorable, younger-sibling kind of way. But this was definitely the first time he had ever looked at him and thought 'you know what...I would make out with his face.' Still, Balthazar was his friend. His best friend. There was too much history there for it ever to be any other way. Besides, he had a crush on Beatrice now. She was much more his style...keep him on his toes. At least, that had always been his type in the past. Although that could be why his previous relationships had all flamed out after only a few weeks...But, whatever. He was in Year Nine. He didn't need to take this stuff too seriously yet anyway. He had plenty of time to figure out his feelings. And having them for his straight male best friend was not on the agenda.
"Hey, Ursula?" Balthazar's voice was quiet, but it stopped the rest of the conversations that were happening around him.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you could give me a lift? I'm not feeling too good."
"I'll do it!" Pedro volunteered instantly. He would get Balthy alone and beat the truth out of him if he had to (not literally. Who could ever hit such a sweet face?)
Beatrice pinched him. "Maybe Balthazar would like to be alone with Ursula? Ever think of that?"
"It's okay," Ursula said, and Balthy shot her a look of betrayal. "My Mum can't pick us up until later." She looked at Balthazar. "You would be better going with him, if you want to leave now."
Balthazar was trapped. He had no choice but to agree.
Pedro had ridden his bike to the park. He swung his leg over and motioned for Balthazar to climb aboard.
"Are you sure this is safe?" Balthy asked, standing on the back bars and gripping Pedro's shoulders for balance.
"Perfectly," Pedro said, "but you might want to hold on tight, just in case."
As he started to pedal, Pedro felt Balthazar's arms wrap around his torso. It made him smile despite himself.
The way they were riding didn't allow much room for conversation. Pedro was forced to wait until they had veered into Balthy's driveway before he could begin the interrogation.
"What's up with you today?" he asked, leaning his bike up against Balthy's garage. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Um, yeah. Mmm-hmm."
Pedro sighed. "I can tell when you're lying to me."
Balthazar's eyebrows rose. "Can you?"
"Don't answer my question with a question. Talk to me. What's up?"
Balthy sighed, running his fingers through his hair. It made it stick up even more than usual. "Am I not allowed to have an off-day?"
"Is it something to do with Ursula? Are you guys together?"
"Together?" Balthazar looked amused about something.
Pedro shrugged, rubbing his arm a little self-consciously. He and Balthy had never really been the sort of friends who talked about crushes and like-likes. They had always stuck to safer topics; football, music, Beatrice and Benedick's latest antics. Pedro wasn't sure why they had never talked about girls together before. It wasn't like he didn't trust Balthazar...he did. It had just always felt a little awkward, for no discernible reason. Maybe because Balthazar didn't know the truth...that Pedro was bi. Or maybe because Pedro had an attraction for his best friend simmering away under the surface there. Either way, Pedro wanted to change that now. He just wanted Balthazar to talk to him. Was that too much to ask? He wasn't sure why it mattered so much, only that it did.
"Why don't you want to tell me?" Pedro asked, struggling to keep the hurt out of his voice. He was used to getting his own way, more often than not. This was driving him crazy.
"Why do you want to know so bad?" Balthazar countered. He was trying to edge his way towards the house, to freedom.
"Why do you keep stalling?"
Balthy sighed. "Ursula and I aren't together. In fact, I think I might be-" He stopped himself. Blinked.
Pedro blinked, too. "Might be what?"
Balthazar swallowed, fiddling with the hem of his sleeve. "You know..."
"No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"
"I like...guys. Okay? I'm gay. Are you happy now?" Balthazar tried to flee into the house, but Pedro grabbed his arm. Now would be the perfect time to tell Balthy that he was bi-sexual, but for some reason he just couldn't do it. Maybe because it would be almost like a confession if he did it now. It would be like he was saying 'hey, you're into guys, I'm into guys. What a coincidence? Let's make-out'. Pedro didn't want things to be awkward between them, so he held back, to avoid any miscommunication. He didn't like Balthy like that, and he didn't want Balthy to think that he did.
"Since always? Or is it, like, a recent discovery?"
Balthazar looked down at his hand on his arm. "Pretty recent. Although I've kind of always known that I wasn't in to girls the way you and the other guys on the team are."
Pedro opened his mouth, but decided against it.
"Well?" Balthy looked up at him challengingly, as if daring him to make fun of him. "Got anything to say?"
Pedro let go of his arm. "Nope. It's all cool with me."
Balthazar's eyebrows sky-rocketed. "Seriously?"
Pedro grinned. "Seriously. Why? Did you think I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore, if you said you liked guys? Give me some credit."
Balthazar laughed nervously. "No...I...the thought had crossed my mind, I guess. But I should have known. I should have trusted you to be an all-round great guy about this."
"Hey, that should be my tagline!"