Work Text:
For someone who’s seen what Yoo Joonghyuk had, it was a miracle that he wasn’t plagued by different nightmares every night. Instead, he only had one, but every time he had it, it filled him with the same dread.
It was always the same damn nightmare.
It didn’t matter how he met his end, or by who, all he registered was the words blinking in front of him, as if welcoming him home from a long trip away.
[The stigma ‘Regression Lv. ???’ has been activated.]
The feeling of his soul shattering into millions of atoms, forcefully pulled apart, shaped into a form that could withstand traveling through space and time. He was pulled through an empty space that quickly turned into a deep night, distant stars and galaxies around him that he knew would be other worldlines if he got close enough, but all of them too far out of reach for him.
All he could do was follow where his stigma took him, always back to that same spot, that same time and place.
Next thing he knew, he was back on that train carriage where it had all started.
He looked up at the subway map over the door, the info screen that let him know that he was back on the 3rd line bound for Bulgwang Station. He didn’t have to look around any further to know that he was currently in carriage number 3707, but he looked down at his smartphone out of habit, watching the ‘6:55 PM’ light up on the display as expected, as always.
He remembered the questions he had tried to find the answers to back when he had first experienced this scene, about who he was, why and what he existed for, unable to solve the puzzle with most of the pieces missing. He hadn’t stopped wondering about this during the many years of fighting and regressing, over and over, and he hadn’t found the answer until that one day on the ruined Dongho Bridge.
The person standing next to him was still reading that article about his gaming career, and Yoo Joonghyuk still hadn’t figured out whether he had realised or known that he was standing next to the person in question. It had never seemed important enough to find out, not when he knew what was happening next.
He recognised every small detail, every person in the carriage, even the large man with the scraggly beard on his chin that had just entered the door closest to him, cackling maniacally to himself while hiding something under his coat, the bomb that had only managed to take Yoo Joonghyuk by surprise during his very first turn.
He looked down at the ‘6:59 PM’ on his phone, completely calm, before once again returning his attention to the actions of the man across the carriage. The soon to be subway-terrorist pulled out the small homemade device from his coat, flicking his lighter as the other passengers who had noticed jumped back, too scared to try and stop him.
Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t try either this round. He knew all of the people in the carriage would die, and none of their lives mattered enough for him to try and change that. Sometimes he would stop the bomber, sometimes he would cause the early explosion like he had done during that one turn, sometimes he simply turned to where he knew the dokkaebi would show up in less than a minute.
The lights went out, and the train came to a sudden emergency stop, the panic spreading through the carriage, probably to the rest of the train as well. Yoo Joonghyuk waited, squinting slightly when the lights turned on once more as his eyes got used to the brightness, watching the CGI-like creature that had appeared, floating above them in an almost cartoon-like manner.
[The free service period of the planetary system no. 8612 has concluded.]
It didn’t really matter what he did after that.
Yoo Joonghyuk was used to persevering in impossible situations, he was used to going against the odds and somehow managing to come out on top. Back before Kim Dokja, he had at least some vague feeling of improvement as he progressed through the scenarios, surviving the 46th, then the 60th, and so on.
That wasn’t the case anymore. The further he looked, the less likely it seemed that he would ever find Kim Dokja or any sign of his existence again.
He had tried breaking into carriage 3807 early, only to find Kim Namwoon and Lee Hyunsung there as the last survivors. He had tried waiting until the moment he had first met Kim Dokja at the broken Dongho bridge, to no avail. He had searched through the destroyed Oksu station for any sign that he had been there, even gone further to Geumho station, saving Jung Heewon, who had no knowledge of the man’s whereabouts or existence, even though she wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him.
Yoo Joonghyuk found no apostles, no unpopular webnovels treated as a revelation, going into far too much detail about Yoo Joonghyuk’s past regressions.
He had learned through his many regressions that no future was set in stone, that if you tried enough times, you would find a way to change it, but no matter how hard he tried, how far he looked, how many times he regressed again, there was no sign of Kim Dokja anywhere.
He had learned through his many regressions that as long as he followed the events he had seen in his earlier turns and didn’t make any changes, everything would repeat itself again exactly the same way. So he tried, again and again, retracing and repeating his earlier steps, tried causing the early explosion, waited until the exact moment he had shown up on the bridge back then, but things were no longer the same as back then, and Kim Dokja was nowhere to be found.
He tried again, in every way imaginable, leaving no stone or pebble unturned, every attempt different from the last.
The only thing every regression had in common was that Kim Dokja was no longer there, and he was alone once more.
A pain much worse than the torture he had been through during certain turns, worse than his soul being pulled through the empty space when regressing fell over him; the feeling of his spirit being broken. He fell to his knees, clenching his fists as he tried gasping for air, unused to the feeling of despair filling him up. He had to continue, to regress, try harder —
[The stigma ‘Regression Lv. ???’ has been activated again.]
Gasping for air, Yoo Joonghyuk sat up, eyes wide open, surrounded by darkness.
It took him a few seconds to realise where he was, back in his soft bed, a warm body sleeping quietly by his side, a leg slung over him.
Lying back down, Yoo Joonghyuk tried to calm his breathing, feeling his heart rate slow down to normal as well. He was covered in sweat, but felt cold despite the blanket covering him and the comfortable temperature of the room, but the warmth from the presence next to him grounded him, and as his eyes got used to the darkness, he watched the silhouette of a sleeping Kim Dokja come into view, snoring peacefully.
Moving closer, Yoo Joonghyuk leaned in, burying his head in the crook of Dokja’s neck and shoulder, needing the physical contact to remind him that he was right there with him.
Kim Dokja stirred a bit before reaching an arm up around him, turning his head slightly to the side.
“Same nightmare?” he asked as he woke up, voice croaky but warm. Joonghyuk simply nodded, the familiar smell and warmth of Kim Dokja surrounding him doing wonders in making his body relax once more.
Kim Dokja reached the arm he had thrown over Joonghyuk’s body up to the back of his head, carding his fingers through his hair in a calming manner.
“I’m right here. You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” he whispered against Joonghyuk’s hair, his lips grazing over his ear lightly.
Joonghyuk pressed a light kiss against Dokja’s neck before mouthing lazily at it, a smile creeping up on his lips when he felt Dokja’s reactions under him, tensing before relaxing, leaning into the touch and tilting his chin up for easier access.
“Any planet, worldline, time and place, I’d follow you,” Joonghyuk mumbled, sliding his nose down Dokja’s throat lazily, pressing another kiss against his collarbone. Dokja let out a low sound, and Joonghyuk knew him well enough at this point to know that it was from holding back a moan.
Dokja pulled lightly at Joonghyuk’s hair to stop him, leaning back to look him in the eyes. Joonghyuk almost thought they were having a Moment before Dokja gave him his trademark smirk.
“That’s good to hear, because we’re all meeting for brunch this Sunday, and I was kind of hoping you would do the cooking,” he said, using that same fake-innocent tone he always did when he was trying to make Joonghyuk do something he didn’t want to.
Joonghyuk stared at him, the features he could barely make out in the dark, his eyes reflecting the pale light from outside their window, his long eyelashes framing them, casting a shadow over his cheek.
“I hate you,” Joonghyuk said, but his actions went against his words, leaning in to nuzzle against Dokja’s neck again.
“You love me,” Dokja said, chuckling lightly, and Joonghyuk could feel his throat vibrate under his lips as the sound came out, proof of his existence.
Leaning back again, Joonghyuk looked Dokja in the eyes once more. “I do,” he said before breaking the distance between them, pressing his lips against Dokja’s.