Work Text:
“I just.. I wasn’t there for him. I should have been.”
This was the third time this week Giorno had heard Fugo repeat that same phrase, and it hurt to hear for the wrong reasons. The blonde nodded and watched Fugo as he let tears pool at the edges of his eyes, Giorno tentatively reaching out to wipe them. It’s not that Giorno was over their deaths either, but he hadn’t known them for half as long as Fugo had and he had trouble expressing how he felt. On top of that, the only thing he could think of when Fugo was in the room was that he was thinking of someone other than him.
It had started out as a simple crush. Fugo had rejoined Passione and wore a scar from his own stand that Giorno had refused to heal fully as Fugo’s punishment, letting the bubbled skin heal over into reddish pink marks that covered the side of his face in the pattern of smoke from the stand capsule he popped. The scar should have made Giorno feel guilty. He could have healed him completely, but the scarring was attractive, a sign of a battle won, and he found himself following the trail of the scar to the other boy's mouth before he realized what was happening. The only problem was those feelings developed past a haphazard crush to lingering feelings whenever Fugo was in the room, but the name that was on his tongue was rarely Giorno unless directing his attention. Instead, it was --
“Narancia.. I could have made him stay with me.. I could have dove in after him. Pulled him back or even joined you with him. I came back to you in the end, but if anyone should have died, it should have been me in his place,” Fugo cried, bringing Giorno back to his senses to respond to Fugo’s words like ritual.
“It's not your fault, Fugo. Narancia chose to go on his own. It was his decision and we all did the best we could to protect him. By the time I got to call out Golden Experience, he was already gone. You being there wouldn’t have changed his fate, & since you didn’t go, now you’re still here with me and Mista,” Giorno recited.
Fugo scrunched his nose. Giorno was trying his best to assure him, but he could tell that Fugo was used to the repetitive empathy. The words would never change, no matter how many times he asked. Fugo responded, “But he might have attacked me in Narancia’s place. Maybe it would have been me instead of him.”
Giorno winced, but felt relief to not hear a repeat of what he expected, the same since Fugo in anger and dismay, “I wish it would have been you.” It was the night he found out of the rest of the gang's fate, his emotions in tangles, but it didn't crush Giorno any less to hear the words. Especially with the current state of his emotions for the other boy, if Fugo were to repeat the sentiment, Giorno would be absolutely devastated. Fugo had since apologized, and would never wish death upon Giorno again, but the first time hearing Narancia had died within Giorno’s body, not knowing gIorno beyond the boy that led his friends to their deaths, he was overcome with emotion and the words spilled out. He had meant them then, but he didn’t now.
Regardless of his fears, Giorno reached out to tentatively comfort the other boy, grasping his hand. “I'm glad you’re here, Fugo. I miss Narancia too, but it wouldn’t have been better if it were you. It would just be Narancia here in your place.”
Just hearing Narancia’s name, just the idea of him, still brough Fugo to tears.Giorno grasped his hand harder to help in whatever way he could to keep Fugo grounded, Fugo leaning into Giorno's shoulder to cry into the cool fabric.
It's not the right time to say it. It probably never will be. It made Giorno sick to his stomach that he just wished Fugo would get over Narancia, he wished he could be selfish enough that it wouldn’t make him nauseous, and wished he was selfish enough to just lean down and try to kiss him. It just wasn’t the right time. He would have to wait. He would wait.
-
It had been at least a week since Fugo had brought up his guilt for not jumping in the water, for not grabbing Narancia, for not joining, and for not doing any other option than the path he took. Giorno sat with Fugo and Mista and discussed a job that Trish had commissioned. An overzealous stalker needed to be disposed of & Mista & Fugo couldn’t agree over whether they should send the newborn assassination squad, or if Mista should go out on his own to take the creep out. Fugo may trust the assassination team enough, they had been loyal to Giorno thus far, but Trish was family even if she was no longer a part of The Family. Mista ended the argument with the declaration that he would shoot Fugo if he stopped him from going, Giorno being right there could easily heal Fugo from it being anything serious but it would be twice as painful than just letting Mista shoot the bastard willingly.
Mista loaded his gun with a single bullet in a display of confidence that the creep could be killed with only one, but it was in vain to the two boys who knew he had an arsenal on his person at any one time. With his gun prepared, Mista stood up to leave with Fugo cursing under his breath on Mista’s tail.
“Wait, Fugo,” Giorno called out on a desperate whim, the words leaving his mouth before he could think anything through, “please wait, I want to talk to you.”
Fugo froze, a glimpse of fear racing through his eyes before he sat down before his boss. Giorno winced himself, calming Fugo’s nerves. Giorno commonly forgot the position of power he held & what a “word alone” might mean. “Dont, worry,’ he let out with a forced laugh, running his hand down his neck, “I mean a word. I’m not terminating you.”
“I figured as much,” Fugo started, “but the fear is always there. I’ve been rambling to you so much about my grief I thought maybe you might have just gotten tired of me & were going to send me to join them.”
Giorno winced, making Fugo regret his words, “Never.. I wouldn’t get tired of you for having feelings, Fugo. I envy them.”
Fugo held back his scoff, his emotions were something he hated about himself, but he already knew the sentiment was flipped for the other boy. “Then.. what was it you wanted to keep me for?”
“I think I may love you.”
Fugo blinked quickly taking in Giorno’s words, “I'm sorry, what?”
“I think,” Giorno started again, “I’ve fallen in love with you. I know it may be a bad time, and romance is likely the last thing on your mind but.. I can’t help myself. You’re emotive, you care about your friends, you're what I wish I could be and I fell for it all. I know it's selfish but--”
“Yeah, it is.”
Giorno hummed in surprise, looking at the boy who was somewhere between confused & upset. “Giorno,” Fugo began, “If it were another time, maybe another life, of course. You're gorgeous and I’m probably a fool for turning you down right now but I'm just not thinking about who I want to kiss, I’m thinking about how my friends are dead. How no matter what I do I can’t change that. I don’t blame you for trying, I’m getting better at containing it but.. I’m not over them. I don’t know when I will be.. If I ever will be.”
Giornio looked anywhere but Fugo’s eyes. He knew he was being selfish but it still hurt to hear it. He thought maybe, just maye there was a one in a million chance that Fugo might return his feelings, but it was justified for Fugo to turn him down. It wasn’t the right time, this was still a grieving time for them all, even if weeks had passed since the team had died.
“This isn’t a no, though,” Fugo added, Giorno only realizing Fugo was before him when he felt Fugo wipe the single tear that had formed in his eye. “Another time maybe.. Just.. give me more time. Right now it's selfish to expect any romance from me, I lost my family, and the one person left is only slowly warming back up to me. He still considers me a traitor, even now. He doesn’t trust me anymore. It’ll take us all time, but it’s not a no.”
With a single laugh, Giorno nodded, looking back into the other boy's eyes for a second to see that he meant it, nodding. Not a yes, but not a no. Until then, he would only have to imagine.
All i need darling is a life in your shape
I picture it, soft, and I ache.
Look at you, strawberry blonde ~