Archive of Our Own

It’s been a long day, and even as the excitement of meeting Nico goes away, Thomas still feels an inner sense of giddiness, of happiness, of the potential that exists between them. He’s calm enough to think without Virgil or Roman screaming in his ear after a while, with just a small spring in his step from the day’s events.

Virgil’s in the mind palace, in his room, thinking about all the events of the day. The purple eyeshadow came off a while ago, so Virgil looks like a raccoon again. As if to show how happy Thomas is, his room is snowing purple glitter. It’s a nice change of pace from the usual black fog that pervades Virgil’s version of the living room. Virgil is sitting on the couch, hugging a spider-shaped pillow.

He’s trying to get a handle on the feelings of fear that come with the possibility of having a boyfriend, because it’s scary. Love is perhaps the most terrifying thing for Virgil, because it’s giving people an open invitation to hurt him. It’s his job to protect Thomas, which makes it hard to let him be vulnerable. Virgil is trying to distract himself with the more mundane anxieties of Thomas’s life—the update schedule that Logan made is taped to his wall—but even those small fears become mixed with today’s. What if Nico doesn’t like that Thomas is a youtuber? What if he can’t handle Thomas’s irregular work schedule, his frequent travelling, his celebrity status? What if it’s too much for him? What if Thomas messes it up? There are so many things that could go wrong, and Virgil is trying not to think about them. Which, of course, means that it’s all he’s thinking about.

There’s a soft knock on his door, and Virgil, expecting Logan to be bringing him coffee, says, “Come on in.”

“Hello Virgil,” Roman says, and he almost jumps a foot in the air. Since when does Roman knock ? He usually barges in, shoving some piece of writing or singing in his face and asking if it’s good. The only time Roman can be bothered with social norms is when he’s trying to woo someone. Virgil didn’t even think he knew how to knock.

Virgil pushes the thought from his head. “Uh, hey Roman? Why are you here—I mean, of course you’re here. We spent the whole day together, so you’re here in my room to spend—”

“Love is in the air today,” Roman declares, sitting down on the couch next to him. “I just thought, after today’s events, that I would check in and see how you were feeling.”

Virgil’s still not used to Roman being nice to him. He’s more used to Roman being not-mean to him, but never exactly nice . “I’m doing fine. Trying not to stress over it too much. Love, crushes, cute guys at the mall are scary. Exciting, but scary. I’m trying to focus on the good things rather than going down an anxiety spiral.” He neglects to mention, of course, that he had already sort of gone down that spiral.

“Oh good, all I’ve been thinking about since Thomas calmed down is relationship things. I’ve gone through the boyfriend and wedding Pinterest boards again. I’m trying not to put too high of expectations onto this relationship but…fantasies are what I do. It’s hard to stop,” Roman finishes. He looks at Virgil for a beat, as if expecting him to respond. This is the first time in a while, Virgil thinks, that they’ve exchanged a polite dialogue rather than talking over each other constantly.

He finds it rather pleasant. “Overthinking is what Thomas is best at,” he says. “Are you here just to vent? Fair warning that I tend to well, increase negative feelings.” He gestured vaguely at his room, which is still covered in Halloween-related things and sort of smells like Thomas’s teenage bedroom.

“Yeah I was—” Roman chuckles, “kind of worried about that at first. But it’s calmer than last time. Less, er, doom and gloom in the air?” He makes a similar hand gesture to Virgil’s, and Virgil can’t help but notice that his hands are shaking.

Impulsively, he grabs one of Roman’s shaking hands. “Are you sure you’re okay in here? We can go talk in your room if you want, I don’t want you to be too affected by it in here.” Virgil feels his instinct to protect kick in, and he has to stifle the urge to drag Roman out of the room and…an image pops into Virgil’s head of him and Roman and he shoves it away. Not the time , he thinks to himself.

Roman’s face, for some odd reason, is the color of a tomato. “It’s—it’s not the room,” he stutters, avoiding eye contact with Virgil. “I mean, it is far more normal here than usual. The uh, lights are brighter, and you’ve got pictures of Thomas’s friends. They’re dressed as the Addams family characters, but um. They’re there. Because you care. Is that Valerie as Wednesday?” His voice pitches up an octave higher at the end of the question, and Virgil squints at him.

Is Roman nervous about something that isn’t the room?  Why would he be? This is Roman , after all, and nothing less than a cute boy or a full house can fluster him. “Yeah, Valerie is Wednesday Addams. So…if the room isn’t making you anxious, then what is?” It’s a question Virgil has to ask himself sometimes, when he’s not actually freaking out over the thing he thought he was.

“Well, I was just thinking about today and um…we make a pretty good team. You actually managed to push Thomas to do things he was uncomfortable with. I didn’t really think you could do that, you always push him away from things. But this time we worked together, for better or for worse. You were so brave, I know that I told you that before, but you really are!” Panic is edging into his voice, his eyes are getting wider, and the blush is starting to spread to his neck. “And, I don’t know, maybe if Thomas can talk to a cute guy and get his number, then I can…” He looks Virgil in the eyes, with so much vulnerability, baring his heart to the other side, and…

Virgil has no clue what he’s talking about. “You can what?” He can deduct that Roman is having intense feelings, which are not due to being in Virgil’s room, but past that he’s shit out of luck. Instinctively, he wonders if Roman hates him, but that doesn’t seem quite right.

Roman heaves a sigh. “You’re really going to make me say this.”

“Say what? What are you trying to say? Is it choking you? Logan knows the Heimlich maneuver, I can go get him if you want.” Virgil knows that happens sometimes, when one of the sides is stifled and well, they choke on their own words.

“No! I’m not choking,” Roman half-yells. “It’s just a very difficult thing to say to someone, especially if you don’t know if they return the feeling, and you’re nearly overwhelmed from them holding your hand!” He looks Virgil in the eyes to see if he’s gotten it. “Oh, for the love of god I just—I have feelings for you.”

“What kind of feelings?” Virgil asks. He can feel the puzzle pieces slowly start to click in his head.

Roman shakes his head, looking at Virgil incredulously. “Would you like me to show you? Do you need a visual?”

“Yeah, that would be really helpful, you’re being sort of vague—” Roman kisses him, and Virgil’s jaw would drop if not for the fact. After a second, with a pounding heart, Virgil decides to be brave for the second time today.

He kisses Roman back. It’s urgent, but at the same time tender, the way they move closer to each other. Roman’s lips are soft, and he taste like vanilla, like sunshine and rainbows and happily ever after. Probably because he’s literally a fairytale prince , Virgil thinks, still kissing him. He realizes that his chapped lips probably couldn’t be too enjoyable for Roman, and even if Roman has feelings for him that doesn’t necessarily mean he likes this—Oh god, what is he doing?

Virgil breaks apart from the kiss, flustered and feeling anxiety gather in the bottom of his stomach. The only thing he can think of to say is “That was nice.”

“Yeah,” Roman says, smiling. “You’re not too bad yourself, My Chemical Romance.”

“Um, how does this work? A relationship? Us? We’re figments of Thomas’s imagination how can we—aren’t we technically the same person?” The initial bravery Virgil had felt is eroding underneath his fears.

“Shhh,” Roman says, leaning over to give Virgil a soft peck on the lips. “It’s okay. We can be in love because we are. And, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re fine. We haven’t blown anything up. Thomas’s mind won’t fall apart because we kissed. We can figure this out as we go.”

“Okay,” Virgil says, “Is this that self-love thing Patton was talking about?”

Roman laughs. “Sure. Do you want to watch something together?”

“The Addams family?”

“Yeah, please.” And so the two watch the movie together, cuddled on the couch, and it feels strange and new, but right.