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“Come on, if we don’t hurry we’ll be late.”
“Don’t worry, dear, we’re coming.” The woman giggled as her husband stood a few feet ahead, tapping his foot but smiling. He looked back to the boy holding her hand as he nodded and tried to walk a little faster to catch up to his father. Multicolored leaves crunched under their feet, the sidewalk lined with bright orange, reds, and yellows. It was just cool enough to wear a jacket but warm enough that the crisp air was welcome.
“Just because we’re not going to be a half an hour early, doesn’t mean we’re going to be late. Right, Ignis?” The little boy nodded at his mother as they caught up with the man waiting for them. He took the woman’s open hand, leading the duo down the street. The three of them stopped at the corner, waiting until the red hand blinked off and changed to the white person. There was already a large crowd growing outside of the theater across the street. As they crossed the street it seemed like more and more people were adding to the crowd.
“I didn’t realize it would be so busy. Well, we already have tickets so nothing to worry about.” The man chuckled as he led his family through the crowd towards the door. There were so many people Ignis had to cling to his mother’s hand to avoid being bumped or pushed aside. Could this many people even fit into one theater? Luckily they were let in and taken to their seats, free of the crowds. When general admittance opened the crowd from outside seemed to surge in like a wave. Ignis turned around and stood on his chair, watching the three sets of double doors open to let in as many people as the place could hold.
Since his back was to the stage and his parents were talking to each other, none of them noticed when the crowd’s excitement started to morph. The cheers and loud talking slowly transformed into screams of panic as the room was filled with the sounds of small explosions. Ignis turned around, trying to peer over the crowd. He could see smoke coming from the stage and eventually the flicker of fire. The people who had, only a short while ago, been pushing and shoving to get in were now trying to turn around, shoving each other in a mad dash to escape.
It wasn’t until the mass surged towards him and his parents did any of them entirely realize what was going on. The front of the stage had burst into the flames, the fire licking up the curtains and spreading into the seats. It was a race to escape the fire and the smoke as it rocketed across the wooden chairs and decorations.
“Ignis, this way!” The smoke was quickly filling the room and there were so many people rushing and pushing and screaming. Ignis tried to follow the voice until he felt his mother grab his hand, pulling him from the chairs. They had merged into the crowd although he couldn't see his father. He was probably up ahead. In fact, he couldn’t see anything other than people’s legs. His mother was holding his hand but the crowd was pushing them apart; he couldn’t even see her through the sea of people.
“Mom! Dad!” Suddenly his mother’s hand was ripped from his and he heard her scream. The crowd lurched forward like a ship at sea. There was more screaming and then people were pushing from both in front of him and behind. The boy tried to push through the curtain of bodies, to look for his parents but there were too many, they were too strong. He felt himself tripping over things, something soft and it shifted under his feet. But he wasn’t sure what it was and then he was just carried away by the mob, screaming for his parents all the way through the doors
Once the sea of humans started to part he pulled himself out, wiggling away and turning to try and run back inside. There were small windows in front of the theater, much too small for an adult to fit through but small enough for a boy. He climbed on the bench that sat under the windows and then pulled one open just enough to wiggle his body inside. He was about halfway in, his shoulders just making it through the rectangular opening when he saw it. The burning was burning, fire was eating away everything in its path. But that didn’t matter, the entire theater could burn around him and Ignis wouldn’t notice. All he could see were his parents. Both of their bodies were bruised, bloody, crushed by the mass of people who had tried to escape the chaos.
His father was back in the aisleway, about where he’d lost sight of him. His back was covered in shoeprints, his face purple from bruising and blood. He wasn’t moving. He called for his father, hoping, praying he would just look up, just say something. But nothing happened. Closer to the exit was his mother, lying on her back. Her green eyes were open, staring up, but her face was pale. Her beautiful blue dress was torn and dirty and her arm was twisted at an unnatural angle. She didn’t move, she didn’t turn. She didn’t tell him it was going to be okay.
“No!” Ignis screamed out as he felt himself pulled back out of the window. He yelled and kicked, trying to get away from whoever was pulling him away from his parents. It was only when his fist connected with a mattress instead of a body did his head kick into gear. Dream, right, it was a dream. He lurched up in bed, sitting up so quickly that the springs in his bed groaned in protest. His body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat as he gasped for breath. The room was still completely dark meaning it was probably early morning. The brunette covered his mouth to try and listen to the room, his own frantic breathing much too loud.
He didn’t hear anything. Nothing at all. That meant either his roommate Noctis hadn’t gone to bed yet or he’d woken the other boy up with his yelling.
“We have to get up in like...two hours. So you might as well make yourself some tea. ‘m going back to sleep.” The sleepy voice across the room confirmed the worst. He’d woken him up. At least Noctis was the type of guy who could go right back to sleep no matter what woke him up. But he was right. Sleep would be pointless since he knew closing his eyes would bring him back into that memory. One he did not want to relive.
By the time Ignis got out of bed, he could hear Noctis softly snoring. It was amazing how quickly he could fall back asleep. Good for him. Ignis didn’t bother changing just yet as he moved into the kitchenette as quietly as he could. It had been a long time since he’d had that particular nightmare. With a quiet sigh, he filled a kettle with water and turned on the burner. He knew why it had come back, Noctis knew why it had come back. That didn’t mean he couldn’t pretend and continue to live in denial.
“What is up my dudes! I’m so excited, you’re excited, right? This is a big deal~” Prompto nearly threw himself across Noctis’s and Ignis’s shoulders, his smile so bright it lit up the room. Ignis couldn’t help but chuckle as the slightly younger man let go of them only to swing himself in front. He seemed to have limitless energy and excitement, no matter what Prompto was willing to smile.
“You are making it out to be much more than it is.”
“Iggy! Iggy, you’re going to play a solo in front of like, hundreds of people. Hundreds. That is a huge deal!” While he was chirping happily Noctis snuck a worried glance at his roommate. He noticed that Ignis had paled a little but he just shook it off with a small shake of his head.
“And if you keep reminding me you may make me nervous. And late, we should hurry.” Ignis motioned for his friends to walk in front of them as they got on the train so they could head to the concert. Ignis shifted his violin case in front of him to protect it from being bumped. As he did Noctis turned towards him, whispering quietly enough that Prompto didn’t notice them talking.
“Are you going to be okay with this? Prom’s right, that’s...a lot of people.”
“Noct, I will be fine. You do not need to worry.”
“Specs, you barely made it through Prom’s photography exhibition last month and that was like...forty people at max. This is...I just don’t want you to, ya know?” Noctis was clearly worried, his eyes were looking for any sign of weakness. And Ignis understood his worry. They had been friends since they were children and Noctis was one of the only people that knew he had issues with large groups. He’d been there for it, more than once.
Ever since seeing his parents trampled to death, Ignis hated any large groups. He felt like the air was being crushed out of his lungs if there were too many people around. His heart would pound, everything would spin. It was a horrible, awful feeling. As he grew older he learned to avoid it instead of deal with it. He didn’t go to parties or events, he knew the train schedule well enough to avoid any busy times. Even going to college classes was a challenge and he took whatever he could online or sat in the back for an easy escape if he needed.
Joining the orchestra had been a huge step, one prompted by his friends pushing him. Noctis had been trying to get him to join some sort of musical group for years, but Prompto had been the final push. After hearing Ignis play when he was over to play games with Noctis he’d looked completely mesmerized. The little ray of sunshine refused to stop talking about it until Ignis agreed to at least try. He’d told the blond that he was uncertain because of his schedule since Prompto didn’t know about his ‘condition’.
Now, though, that was starting to bite him in the butt. The orchestra was playing in front of hundreds of people and he had been chosen for the violin solo. Which meant he would be standing up in a room with literally hundreds of other people. Just thinking about it was making him feel faint. He clung to his violin a little tighter, feeling Noct’s hand on his back. While he wasn’t worried about the solo, he knew this piece forwards and backwards in his sleep, he was very worried about the crowd. Would he be able to see them? Would something go wrong?
“If I start to feel ill I will tell the conductor. Just in case, one of the other violins also learned the solo so it will be fine.” Ignis stared out the window of the train, purposefully ignoring the eyes on him.
“Man, Iggy, you look really hot in that suit. Um...I meant that...well I kinda meant it both ways. You’ll knock it out of the park, I’m sure. I’m gonna go get our seats, okay? The big guy texted me to say he’s running late but he’ll meet us inside.” Prompto looked so excited that he was bouncing from foot to foot. It had been the same when he’d been able to set up his own exhibition in the local museum. It was part of a larger event but still, people had come to see his photographs. Ignis thought he might die of happiness right on the spot. And now, again, his face was broken in half with a huge smile as his eyes absolutely danced. He gave Ignis’s back a quick pat before walking off to go inside.
“He’s right. You’ll do great. I’m sure it’ll be too dark for you to see anything. If you need to, close your eyes. You can do this, okay?” Noctis placed both of his hands on Ignis’s shoulders, offering him a much smaller smile.
“Thank you, both. Just…”
“I know. We know. If anything happens, exit swiftly and calmly. Don’t worry Ignis. Nothing is going to happen. Just show ‘em how good you are.” His friend pulled him into a quick hug, patting his back before following the blond inside. Right. It was going to be just fine.
By the time Ignis finished tuning his violin, his hands were shaking. The ready room was much too small for the size of the orchestra and it was taking all of his willpower not to bolt out the back. People kept brushing by him and each time they did it was like a shock to his heart.
“You drink an espresso before you came or something, Four Eyes?” Aranea was much too close for his liking but asking her to move was pointless. She was the type of girl who would only move closer. She pulled a chair over and sat down next to him, acting a little bit as a buffer between him and the crowd of other musicians.
“No, just a little nervous.”
“You, nervous?” She eyed him in a way that screamed disbelief. “Fine. I don’t pry. But you better calm down before we start. You mess up your solo and you owe me a drink.” She crossed her legs, giving him a mischievous nod. She was bold and much too assertive and yet still they were friends. She played the harp which was a little at odds with how brunt of a person she was, but her musical ear was phenomenal. At first, she asked him out nearly every practice even though he kept turning her down. When he finally told her that he wasn’t interested because he was gay she changed her tactic to asking him out for drinks. She said it would mean she didn’t have to worry about getting drunk but he still refused. Bars had too many people, especially in the evening.
“Just don’t think so hard. You’re a natural when you stop overthinking.” She stood up to chat with the conductor as he walked by, giving Ignis a final flirty wave.
It was almost time for the performance to start so the orchestra started to filter into their seats. Ignis made the mistake of peaking around through the edge of the curtain. The lights were still up and Prompto was right. There were hundreds of people. The brunette managed to rush back to the ready room fast enough so that when he crashed to the ground, at least he was alone.
Ignis felt his pulse race, his heart beating so hard that he couldn’t hear over the rush of his own blood. Even though he was sitting on the floor, everything was spinning around him, like the world had suddenly stumbled into a different rotation and nothing was quite right anymore. He pulled his knees to his chest and leaned against them, trying to calm himself down. But instead, it was getting worse. His heart felt like it was being crushed by an outside force.
“Iggy?” He was so focused on his world shattering in front of him, that Ignis didn’t even hear the voice. He didn’t notice anyone until there was a sudden body half crashing into him as Prompto dropped do his knees so quickly that he heard the crash of bone into tile.
“Iggy! What’s going on, are you okay?” Prompto’s wide blue eyes looked panicked instead of happy. Before the musician could try to fathom why Prompto was here and not in his seat, the other boy was hugging him and rubbing his back.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I dunno what’s wrong but we’re gonna fix it, okay?” He felt Prompto’s hand find his, wrapping his hand around Ignis’s own as if he was the only connection Ignis had to the world. As his mind narrowed in on his friend he noticed a small bouquet of white flowers sitting at his feet.
“Oh...ya, sorry. I was gonna bring you flowers. Ya know, good luck? Kinda dumb but I…I forgot to bring them earlier” The blond let out an awkward laugh as his face tinted pink across his freckles. If only Prompto was a little bit more distracting maybe he could forget the crushing weight in his chest. As if on command the other man laid his head on Ignis’s shoulder, moving his hand from Ignis’s back into his hair.
“It’s gonna be okay. I’ll stay here until you feel better, okay?” Ignis knew he should feel completely humiliated. But instead, he smiled, just a little. With no idea of what was going on or what to do, Prompto just figured it out. He rushed in to help and did everything he could. He didn’t know that his mere presence was a comfort or that feeling his blond hair tickle against his neck was helping drag him out of his head and into the real world. His friend hmmed quietly against his neck, just holding him and waiting. He was patient, kind, innocent. Ignis loved those things about him.
“Thank you, Prompto. But I need too-”
“Are you okay? If you’re not you don’t need to do anything.” Prompto sat up and looked him in the eye as he spoke. Normally his face looked so sweet but now there was so seriousness to it that he’d never seen. Like Prompto would force him to sit here until he was okay. That was also comforting in and of itself.
“I”m okay. But can you, can I trouble you to stay back here? Just in case I need to…”
“Decompress? Ya, sure. I can still hear it from back here. I just wanna hear ya. It’s gonna be alright, Iggy.” Prompto placed both of his hands on the sides of his face, offering another sunshine like smile.
“You don’t like people, right? It’s none of my business, I know. But I kinda guessed a while ago. So if the people make you scared, just don’t look at ‘em. Just think of me, sitting back here all by myself. You like to play for just us, so play for just us. Noct and Gladio sitting in the seats, me sitting back here. Close your eyes and pretend you’re only playing for a crowd of three.” Ignis nodded, gently pulling Prompto’s hands down. He was right, he only needed to play for a crowd of three.
“Thank you, Prompto. I will do my best. Hold onto the flowers for me until I’m done, if you will.” The blond nodded and picked up the bouquet as they both stood up. Prompto dusted off Ignis’s clothes until they looked spotless, like before. Luckily his violin had still been in its case when he dropped it to the floor, protected.
“I’ll be waiting for you, okay Iggy~ Do your best.”