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Here’s the thing. You’re my best friend. And the love of my life. And I don’t know how much time we have left, but however much it is, I wanna spend it with you.
Jamie keeps those words tucked tight against her chest. Holds them so close and so fiercely that, after a little while, they slip between her ribs and settle over her heart like a blanket. It becomes a comfort and a ward, staving off any jagged shadows that might try to pierce the thing that may reside in her chest, but that belongs to Dani completely.
One day at a time, for however long they have left; they’ll spend it together.
That’s all Jamie can ask for. She wants and she wishes, but she can’t ask for anything else. She knows what’s waiting for Dani, has seen it with her own eyes, and while the faceless Lady in the Lake looms over them like a ticking clock, Jamie refuses to let it drive them. Control them. Make them into anyone other than who they’re meant to be.
And so, whenever Dani sees her, the Lady in the Lake, and flinches away terrified, Jamie’s there. Right where she’s meant to be. Keeping Dani safe as best she can and reminding her that she isn’t alone. Reminding her that she’ll never be alone, not so long as Jamie still draws breath and even then….
Well. Dead doesn’t mean gone.
So she holds Dani and she loves her, and she cherishes every single second of time that they spend together. Because tomorrow, she knows, it could be over.
If love and determination were enough to keep the Lady at bay, Dani would be free of her. But, despite how much she wishes it weren’t true, Jamie knows that even her seemingly endless, ever-growing supply of both those things just simply aren’t enough.
Still, the idea of losing Dani is one she rejects with every fiber of her being. Refuses outright to accept it as a possibility. Because there isn’t a version of her, in any universe that might exist, that would let Dani go. That would allow her to be taken from where she’s supposed to be. From where Jamie knows she wants to be.
With her.
It’s hard, watching Dani’s light dim. Not as hard as it must be to feel the light going out, but it’s hard nonetheless. Seeing Dani fade, bit by bit, seeing her grow a little weaker each day, it makes Jamie’s soul ache and in the rare moments she finds herself alone, that pain wrecks her. And, however briefly, she lets it. Lets herself feel the enormous, cavernous ache that threatens to consume her. Lets the knowledge that there’s nothing she can do for Dani, who she loves more than anything else in this world, wash over her like a freezing wave. But she sets her jaw and decides that she’ll be strong for the both of them.
Decides that there is something she can do; what she’s been doing all along.
“D’you want company? While you wait for your beast in the jungle? D’you want company?”
There’s nowhere else she’d rather be.
Dani had once asked her why. Why she was wasting her life loving someone who could be taken from her at any moment. Wouldn’t it be better for Jamie if she just moved on.
Jamie’s reply had been simple.
“Why does anyone do it? Anyone who loves another person, they’re on a time limit. And you hope it’ll stretch on forever, but it never does. I’m not wasting anything, Poppins, because time with you is all I want. Besides, not loving you isn’t an option.”
When she arrives home to a flooded hallway and finds Dani leaning slumped over the side of an overflowing bathtub, there’s a second that lasts for an eternity inside Jamie’s mind. In it, she imagines finding Dani’s head submerged, finding her unresponsive, not breathing. She imagines that she’s too late. That their timer has run out.
She falls towards Dani, desperate, and almost cries with relief when Dani responds to her voice, her touch. She holds Dani, tries to reassure her, and feels pieces of her heart being torn away, peeled back with an agonising slowness as Dani crumbles.
That night, Jamie holds Dani extra tight, like those words she’d held against her chest, and tells herself that things will be okay. That they could have so many more years left. That they will. Because the Lady in the Lake might come for Dani, but Jamie will throw herself into the icy water before she lets the vengeful spectre take away the most amazing, wonderful, loving person she’s ever met.
So, when Jamie falls asleep, it’s with defiance in mind. Defiance and love, and a fierce will to hold on.
And when Jamie wakes the next morning, Dani's side of the bed is empty.
Dani had arrived at Bly Manor on the heels of a tragedy she feared she might never outrun.
The guilt over Eddie’s death followed her, quite literally, halfway across the world. She’d hoped that Bly would be a new start, that she’d be able to forget the demons that haunted her and live in some semblance of peace.
Peace has never really been something afforded to her. Her mind has always been home to turbulent thoughts, stemming from many places but largely that one shadowy area in which she hid herself away. Her real self. The version of her that broke Eddie’s heart and caused his death. She’d loved him so much, just not in the way she should, but she thought that maybe she might, one day. Maybe if they got married, had a couple of kids, maybe then it would feel right.
This is what she tried to convince herself of prior to that fateful night. This is how she rationalised going through with it. She could be happy with Eddie, even if that meant she’d never fully be happy within herself. She was willing to sacrifice that for him.
Until she wasn’t.
And that perceived selfishness had killed him.
So, Dani ran. As far away as she could, landing at Bly Manor by way of fate disguised as circumstance. Because once she was there, as she approached the manor on foot and encountered Flora, Miles and Hannah, Dani felt the unmistakable sense of belonging. It was something she couldn’t explain at the time and it’s something she’s never quite been able to explain since, but she knows without a shadow of a doubt that Bly was where she was meant to be.
Because Bly brought her Jamie. And Jamie, it turns out, was a kind of key. One that fit Dani’s lock specifically and opened up all kinds of new wonders. Opened up her heart and her mind, and changed her for the better. Or, rather, simply brought Dani’s true self out from the back of the closet where she’d stuffed it underneath some musty old clothes. Unlocked the chest and quietly reached inside to untie the bindings that held Dani’s heart in place. Thumping but immovable. Always set to the same rhythm.
Jamie had set it free, given it the opportunity to move and grow, like one of her flowers. To choose a rhythm for itself. And finally, Dani could breathe.
But, as it turned out, her heart’s new rhythm had already been selected and each thump-thump against her ribs sent the gardener’s name echoing throughout her chest.
She’d felt a strange pull to Jamie since the moment they met. Which is to say that they never actually met in the traditional sense. Jamie had never introduced herself, not like the others had, and she’d barely spared Dani a glance that first time she’d walked into the kitchen.
She simply treated Dani as if she’d always been there and Dani might have been offended if she hadn’t felt like she knew Jamie the moment she saw her. Which was impossible, but the truth of it felt real enough. And that, Dani supposes, is when the first tether took hold. When the roots of their tree started sinking into the soil.
As time passed, as they spent more of it together, other tethers wound themselves around her like vines, gently pulling her towards Jamie until there was no space left between them on the couch in the greenhouse.
But Eddie was still there, the manifestation of her guilt, watching and judging her. Silently screaming at her.
This is your fault.
Look what you did.
You don’t deserve this. To be happy.
It should have been you.
They were not, of course, things that Eddie would have ever said to her, but rather things Dani imagined he should say. Things that she deserved to hear.
But then, there’s a late night walk into the wooded grounds of the Manor and before a backdrop of moonflowers Jamie pours her heart into the earth between them. Growing the roots of their tree until they stick, solid and unmoving.
“I know you’re carrying this guilt around, but I also know you don’t decide who lives and who doesn’t. I’m sorry Dani, but you don’t.”
And she frees Dani.
Bly had trapped so many people over the years, but it’s there that Dani finds her freedom. Finds love and strength, both of which become enough to call the Lady in the Lake to her. To save Flora. Something that she knows, ultimately, will trap Dani again. But even the act of that is freeing in a way. It frees the souls trapped at Bly Manor, it frees Miles from Peter Quint, and it allows Hannah and Rebecca to move on to a better place.
But back in that hidden place, standing with the moonflowers and Jamie, Dani feels something let go and it allows her to reach out. To draw Jamie to her again and finally, everything slots into place. Into perfect, precise place, with no gaps between edges and no missing pieces.
They’re happy after Bly. For a while, things are scary, but whenever Dani thinks things might become too much, Jamie’s hand slips into hers and she smiles at Dani in a way that says, “Hey, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not alone.”
At first, she thinks she’s being selfish. Allowing Jamie to give up everything to be with someone who is the living embodiment of a time bomb, but Jamie, as she is known to do, puts a stop to that train of thought with an effectiveness that doesn’t waiver over the years that follow. Dani puts all thoughts of selfishness to bed and does something that’s as easy as breathing.
She loves Jamie. And she lets Jamie love her.
Soon, the Lady in the Lake fades into the background, her call easy to ignore with the sound of Jamie’s laughter running over it.
They’re happy, having finally found their peace, and for almost a decade they remain undisturbed in their happy little life.
And then Dani sees her. Her faceless form hovering in the doorway of their Flower Shop, her reflection blanketing the image of Jamie inside like it’s trying to suffocate her.
She hides it until she can’t anymore and even with this familiar new threat hanging over them, Jamie refuses to be anywhere other than by Dani’s side. And, really, Dani doesn’t want her to go. She loves Jamie and their life together so fiercely that the thought of losing it all makes her blood boil with rage. Turns her skin icy with fear and makes her heart ache like pieces of it are being picked away with each passing day.
She’s just so tired. She wants to fall into the overflowing bathtub and let herself be taken just so this will end.
But then Jamie’s there, holding her tight, keeping her tethered and telling her that no one is going anywhere.
And oh, how Dani wants to believe her.
She lets Jamie lead her from the bathroom to their bedroom, lets Jamie help her change and lets Jamie take her to bed. She finds that sleep comes surprisingly easy, though with her body and soul growing so weary, perhaps it shouldn’t have been a surprise at all.
Waking up to find herself looming over her wife, her hand stalled in mid-air just before reaching Jamie’s throat, that is the true surprise of the night.
She stares at the sight before her, only jolting out of her trance when her trembling fingers brush the skin of Jamie’s neck and then it’s a sob that leaves her. Her expression crumples and a mournful cry rips itself free from her throat. She can’t help it, can’t hold it in. Her world shatters like glass around her, each pane depicting a different treasured memory that meets the floor with a sound that reminds Dani of crashing waves. And suddenly, she's drowning.
“Dani? Dani!” Jamie’s voice pierces the surface of the water and Dani sees Jamie’s form, rippling above her. Watches as Jamie plunges her whole upper body into the water, her hands clawing through the liquid as she catches Dani’s forearm and tries to hold on. She sees Jamie scream, hears the muffled, water-logged terror of it and feels the pressure of tears behind her eyes. Tears that fall but are washed away, leaving no trace.
Dani watches this as she sinks and thinks how terrible it is that it has to end this way, at this time. How unfair it is, that her selfless sacrifice to a selfish, scornful woman will punish them both. And maybe Dani could stand it, if it was just her, but to see the horror and outrage on Jamie’s face, to see the pain etched there in harsh lines that don’t belong, well.
Dani’s fate suddenly becomes something she simply can’t accept.
And so, she reaches out.
“Dani, hey. It’s me. You’re okay. I’ve got you, you’re okay.”
The words that leave Jamie’s mouth aren’t ones she thinks about. They’re automatic, knee-jerk reactions to the overwhelming need to comfort Dani. To let her know she’s safe and that she isn’t alone. She doesn’t know why her wife is sitting astride her with tears streaming down her face, but she’ll find that out later. For now, she focuses on bringing Dani back.
“Hey, it’s okay-”
“No,” Dani cuts in, the word a sorrowful moan as it slips past her lips, and Jamie smothers the sting that slices through her when Dani jerks her arm out of her grasp, tearing it away as though the touch burns her. “No, it’s not. I’m not.” Dani’s eyes flit about, unseeing, not landing on anything for longer than a second. "I just tried to kill you." Dani's voice trembles, as though she can’t believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. Can’t quite connect to the reality of them. Hopes that they describe a dream, but knows that they do not. “I-I was dreaming and then I-, she-”
“Hey.” Struggling beneath her wife, Jamie manages to shuffle her body far enough up the bed that she can sit up without moving Dani. “Look at me.” When Dani doesn’t comply, Jamie lifts her hands to her face and forces their gazes to meet, happy that Dani doesn’t jerk away this time. “Look at me.” And it’s awful, she thinks, the terror she sees in Dani’s eyes. Eyes that, while one bears a colour belonging to another, are still undoubtedly, beautifully Dani’s. “It was just a dream.”
“No!” Firm and final, Dani’s outburst silences the gardener for the time being. Dani’s eyes flutter closed and tears spill out from beneath their lids. “It wasn’t just a dream, Jamie. I woke up with my hand around your throat.” She swipes her fingers across her cheeks and wipes at her eyes. “She was here . In our bed. Trying to take you.”
Dropping her hands to Dani’s hips, Jamie grips her tightly before running her fingers up and down the length of Dani’s back in a pattern she knows Dani finds soothing. She tilts her head to look up at her wife and tries to force as much comfort into her tone as she can.
“I’m still here. You’re still here.” At first, her words seem to be working, but then Dani is shaking her head, wide-eyed and looking ready to bolt.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be.” It’s spoken so quietly and with such sadness, and when Jamie sees the determined little crease form between Dani’s eyebrows, fear winds itself through her chest and pulls tight. Two different coloured eyes find hers again and Dani smiles at her so softly, it’s like the blow of a hammer against her ribs. “Maybe it’s time.”
“No,” Jamie says, almost annoyed, twisting her neck like she’s trying to work out an uncomfortable kink. She reaches up to cup Dani’s cheeks, thumbs brushing away the damp streaks tears have left on her cheeks. “It isn’t. It can’t be, okay?” Her own threatening tears trickle into her voice, shaking the timber of it, and Jamie considers herself to be quite strong. Able to carry the weight of things others might think her incapable of.
But not this.
Jamie isn’t strong enough for this.
“I’m not ready,” she bites out through gritted teeth, her body tense with anger but her touch soft enough for Dani to lean into it.
“I don’t want to leave,” Dani hiccups a sob between the last two words and the tears in Jamie’s eyes finally spill over. “But I won’t let her hurt you. I love you too much.”
“If you love me, then stay,” Jamie blurts out and she knows it’s unfair. Knows this isn’t Dani’s choice, but she’s never felt so desperate in her entire life. “You’re still you, Dani. We can fight this. We can fight her, together.” Her hands fall to Dani’s waist, grasping at the material of her sleep shirt and balling it between her fists.
“I can feel her. Pulling at me. I don’t think she’s ever gonna let me go.” The words are a whisper against the skin of Jamie’s palm and they trickle along the length of her arm, up and around until they spark inside her chest and set off a flurry of pyrotechnics.
“Yeah? Well neither am I.” And she wraps her arms around Dani, holding her with the same fierce denial she’d had her mind on before falling asleep. “She can’t take you if I won’t let her.”
“Jamie…” Dani brushes wayward curls away from a face she’s stared at so many times and for so many hours that she could draw a perfect likeness from memory alone, and deep blue eyes flutter closed. “Jamie.” She sinks her fingers into Jamie’s hair, combing through messy locks with the same slow and methodical movements that always bring with them a wave of calmness.
Jamie lets her head fall forward until it rests against Dani’s breastbone and flattens the palms of her hands against Dani’s shoulder blades.
"I love you," Jamie says, breathing heavily into Dani's shirt. "So much." A shaking exhale, a wet sniffle and then, "Please don't leave me."
Jamie's hands clutch and cling, desperate, but Dani's soft touch at her cheeks gives her movements pause as she's being urged to lift her head. To tilt it back ever so slightly and look into Dani's eyes.
"I'd never leave you," Dani tells her, all fierce insistence and quiet conviction, her mouth set in a thin, determined line. And Jamie feels it, feels the truth of the words resonate deep in her bones. Feels how much Dani means them and sees the unshakable certainty in her expression.
Hands that shake with longing climb clumsily back to Dani's face, one winding into her hair and drawing her down into a kiss that starts off a little messy and tastes of tears. Every beat of Jamie's heart screams 'stay' and she can almost hear Dani's doing the same.
Stay. Stay. Stay.
Their tongues brush together, sweet and slow, and rails of electricity circle Jamie's body the way they always have. Like a train without breaks, moving fast around a repeating track, over and over until Jamie has to pause to take a breath. But Dani's impatience when it comes to such things has never waned and her mouth soon finds Jamie's again, seeking reassurance as much as she's wanting to instill it, while also showing she intends to keep fighting. Fighting to stay, to live, to keep loving Jamie for as long as she's allowed.
And Jamie too shows that there's nothing she wouldn't do for her Dani.
She rolls them over, flipping their positions without breaking their kiss and Dani moves with a fluidity that bears all the marks of an almost painfully familiar intimacy; they've done this so many times before that everything is effortlessly automatic. The motions branded into her muscles, like the steps of a dance, and she shifts so that Jamie is the one straddling her now. Holding her to the bed not with her physical weight, but with that of her unyeilding love and devotion. Her loyalty. All things that she hopes tell Dani she isn't going anywhere, no matter what it is trying to take her away.
And it's not about possession, she isn't staking any claim of ownership nor would she ever dream to do so. No, it's about how Jamie will fight Dani's demons for her. Would fight all her battles for her, if she could. It's about reminding Dani that she's still here.
Alive.
It's Dani who breaks for breath this time, tipping her head back to drag in a lungful of air that turns into a gasp when Jamie's lips find her neck. They stay there for a long moment, as Jamie revels in the softness of Dani's skin and breathes her in. Closes her eyes and remaps those sensory memories as Dani's fingers comb through her hair with a weightiness that makes her chest tighten.
Tears fall as Jamie pulls back, glinting in the moonlight where they land on Dani's skin, and she lifts herself up a little so that she can look down.
And Jamie hates to be a walking cliche but, for the millionth time, she finds herself in awe of the fact that Dani is and always has been the most beautiful person she's ever seen. Made all the moreso by the fact that her beauty is matched and exceeded by what's on the inside, too.
Gently, Jamie takes hold of Dani's hand and lifts it towards her neck. Curves it around the column of her throat, just above her shoulder, and then leaves it there as she stares into Dani's glassy eyes.
Eyes that grow wide for a second, panicked, before drooping with tearful understanding.
"You can't hurt me, Dani," Jamie says, stroking Dani's cheek with the back of her hand. "You would never."
Dani cries. She cries so hard her body quakes and Jamie moves to lie beside her. Gathers her up in her arms and holds her tight. Holds her close. Holds her fiercely. Kisses her forehead and strokes her hair, and forces her own tears back as Dani sheds hers.
"I love you," Dani whispers weakly, her hand slipping beneath the collar of Jamie's shirt to rest over her clavicle. Her fingers twitch restlessly for a few seconds, brushing Jamie's shoulder before stilling and slowly, slowly, Dani's crying eases.
"I'm not letting you go." Jamie presses the words to the top of Dani's head like a kiss. "You hear that?" Like a promise. "I will never let her take you." She takes comfort in the rise and fall of Dani's chest and, soon enough, her own breathing pattern falls into sync.
Heartbeats matching.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
Sunlight bathes the street outside, warming up their little town and gently rousing it from sleep. There are a couple of early-birders up and out already, looking for their worm which usually resides in the coffee shop across the road opposite The Leafling. It opens early, earlier than most, and she's spent a few restless mornings standing in this very spot, watching people come and go.
The Sweetleaf is owned and operated by an older couple who have been serving hot beverages and confectionery there since they opened in the early sixties.
They're kind and cheerful, and clearly still very much in love. Dani enjoys talking to them whenever she stops by to pick up an order, which usually consists of a coffee, a tea, and the occasional cake or similar sweet.
It has, in the past, also made her heart ache, seeing them still so happy together. Grey-haired and with a lifetime of stories written in wrinkles across their faces. Things she and Jamie would never achieve, at least, not together.
She'd imagined them growing old together many times. Imagined how Jamie would look with silver hair and smile lines, boney hands still strong as they continued caring for the plants she'd spent the better part of her life loving. They'd cuddle up together on a swinging bench out front of the little cottage in the countryside they'd bought at the beginning of their retirement and watch the sun set from the covered porch, their fingers entwined beneath the blanket covering them.
Dani had ached for the chance to see those wishes become reality. Late at night, unable to sleep, she would watch Jamie take in deep, easy breaths and beg the thing inside of her to give them more time.
But she'd doubted the Lady of Bly Manor lake cared much for the wants and desires of the living. She certainly hadn't while walking the grounds, night after night, year after year. Taking lives without mercy, without purpose, and simply moving on. Her silent footsteps leaving rage and vengefulness in her wake.
"Dani?" Startled by the sound of Jamie's sleep-roughened voice, Dani jumps a little, half turning to look over her shoulder.
Jamie's hair is wild, just like it always is when she wakes up. Curls unwilling to be tamed without just the right touch, not unlike the woman herself. The brown, plaid shirt she sleeps in is rumpled and rucked up, showing pale skin that disappears under the waistband of the Ramones boxer shorts Dani had bought her the previous Christmas.
The sight fills Dani's chest with so much love, so much fondness, that tears begin to well before she can stop them. Jamie, immediately concerned, kicks the sheets and duvet the rest of the way off her body and scrambles out of the bed. Dani tries to shake her head, tries to insist she's okay, but Jamie reaches her in two strides.
"Hey, hey," Jamie says, her tone as soothing as it's always been as she strokes her hands along her wife's upper arms. "What's up?" She ducks her head to catch Dani's downward gaze and pulls it back up with her.
And that's when Jamie notices.
Her hands still, fingers unconsciously flexing, and she stares at the woman in front of her.
"Dani-"
"She's gone," Dani says, a small, watery smile curving the shape of her mouth, her sky blue eyes filled with a light that had been absent too long.
"What?" Jamie chokes out, breathless with disbelief.
"I can't- I can't feel her anymore." Dani brings a hand up to her chest and rests it over her breastbone, searching for that deeply buried feeling of rage that had begun to resurface.
But all she feels is peace.
And Jamie brings her own hand up to cover Dani's, her mouth moving soundlessly as she searches for the right words and eventually, without speaking, she asks Dani if she's sure.
Dani nods.
The tears that land on Jamie's cheeks now aren't ones of desperation or sorrow. They spill out with a relief the likes of which she's never known before. Something of a half sob-half laugh leaves her as she blinds Dani with a wide smile, eyes crinkling at the corners, and she brings her other hand up to cup Dani's cheek.
She doesn't draw Dani in this time, instead she goes to her. Taking her time as she closes the distance, soaking in the feeling of not having a clock ticking over their heads. She brushes their noses together, once, twice, and they both smile. Dani's gaze is soft against Jamie's skin, her fingers warm where they slip beneath the material of Jamie's shirt and brush over her hip.
The touch is a catalyst and Jamie brings their lips together in a kiss that's so achingly tender, Jamie feels it rattle her soul.
And that shakes off those lingering, skeletal fingers of Dread that have been hanging onto something Jamie's been pushing down ever since they left Bly. Just like that, the grip is gone.
And as happy as she's been these last nine years, as impossible as it might have seemed, somehow she's happier than she's ever been.
Jamie deepens the kiss and Dani sighs into it. Sighs like the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders and, in a way, she supposes, it has. Bly stood as its own little world, its population comprised of those living and dead, and Dani has been waiting to return. Waiting without wanting, dreading that day, when she would become part of that world forever.
And now…
She'd forgotten what it felt like to be free of her ghost. To be free of any ghost for any length of time. She feels lighter and yet more solid than she has in a long time. More herself.
And standing there with Jamie, kissing her with the knowledge that there will be other kisses, be other days, other nights. That the future is something real, not merely made up of dreams and what-ifs, and attainable to them now.
Dani feels complete.
She slips her hand out from beneath Jamie's and lets it fall to Jamie's waist. Arms loop themselves loosely around Dani's neck and the kiss ends but neither woman moves away. Foreheads touching, listening to the other breathe, wearing matching tear stains on their cheeks.
Just existing. In the quiet. Unhurried. Because they have time now.
They have all the time in the world.
And perhaps it had been Jamie's bullish defiance the night before. Her steadfast refusal to accept that Death, in all her sodden, porcelain glory, had come to take her love away.
Not unlike how the Lady herself had refused Death all those years ago.
Maybe it had been Dani's unwillingness to go. That painful, desperate need for one more day that might stretch into forever.
Maybe the Lady in the Lake had simply grown weary of causing so much sorrow. Had, after hundreds of years, somehow recalled her humanity for one brief moment. Felt it through Dani and remembered what it felt like to love and be loved in return.
Whatever the reason, it would make no noticable difference. All that mattered was that with the Lady's departure, the last of their ghosts were gone, the haunting at an end.
And the shadow that had lurked and followed and threatened had finally walked itself out into the sunlight beyond their little apartment above the flower shop.
Out of their lives.
Which, filled with laughter and love, and happiness, they'd finally, fully, be able to live.