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Alex was a good kid, until he wasn’t.
His parents always gushed that he was polite and kept on top of his schoolwork and never complained about going to church on Sunday and did whatever they asked of him.
On paper, he was the perfect son, and as long as he kept one tiny, tiny secret, he always would be.
Alex has always been a good kid .
But then he’s walking through his front door, Reggie on his heels, and his father’s directly on the other side, and his face is twisted in fury, and his mother is sobbing into her hands on the living room couch, and suddenly he isn’t anymore .
“What’s… going on?” Alex says, but his heart is already taking up too much space in his chest and compressing his lungs, and somehow he just knows.
“Why don’t you fucking tell us, Alex!” his father spits, throwing something at Alex. “Look what your mother found in your room!”
He barely catches it with shaking hands.
It’s the magazine he kept tucked under his bed. He feels Reggie staring at its crumpled pages over his shoulder, and shame pools in his stomach.
“I don’t- I don’t know what this is,” Alex says, unconvinced even of his own words.
“Like hell you don’t!” his father says, ripping the magazine out of his hands. He waves it at Reggie. “And I bet your little boyfriend does too, huh? Is that why he’s always over here? So you can- can buttfuck each other while we’re sleeping downstairs?”
Alex’s mother wails from behind him.
“No, it’s not- Reggie isn’t- Dad!” Alex says desperately, trying to stop the whole world from crumbling around him.
“Is it true?” his mother speaks for the first time.
Alex can’t process the words. “What-”
“I said, is it true, Alex?” she says again, her voice shaking. “Are you…?”
She can’t finish the sentence. Alex can barely start one.
“Mom, I…” He can’t get anything else out.
His mother’s face crumples. Her hands are back over her face again as she sobs.
“Get out.” His father turns away from his mother, voice deceivingly calm. His face is red.
Alex’s feet don’t move.
Reggie reaches for him.
“Alex, let’s-” He starts, softly.
Alex shrugs him off. “Dad-”
“Get the fuck out!” he yells, and suddenly he’s surging forward, and Alex doesn’t move his legs, but he’s being dragged out the door.
He blinks and is suddenly halfway down the street, Reggie’s hands twisted up in the sleeves of his hoodie and his own feet stumbling alongside Reggie’s.
Alex doesn’t fully realize what’s happening until they’re a street over.
“Stop- Reggie, stop.” Alex pulls his arm away from Reggie and halts them in the middle of the road. He turns around. The sun is halfway below the horizon. “We need to- I need to-”
“Alex, you can’t go back there.” Reggie’s in front of him again. His hands hesitate above Alex’s shoulders.
“No, Reg, it’s- That’s my house, all of my- My stuff is there- My sticks-”
Alex tries to shove past, but Reggie won’t let him.
“Alex,” Reggie says steadily. “They just kicked you out, man.”
“No, they- That wasn’t- That was just a misunderstanding-”
“Alex.”
“No!” Alex pushes Reggie away from him, and suddenly there isn’t enough room in the world to breathe. “No, that isn’t- They- I don’t even- My stuff-”
His chest is tight and his entire body is collapsing in on itself.
“I don’t even have my shit for school- I don’t- How am I gonna-”
What will his teachers say when he shows up to school tomorrow without his books? He’s not even gonna have a pencil, let alone his chemistry notes. Fuck, and they have a test tomorrow.
“Alex-”
“I don’t- These are the only clothes I have and- I don’t- There’s- My sticks-”
How is he going to play the drums without sticks? Is he going to have to explain that he doesn’t have drumsticks now because-
“Alex…”
Because his parents-
“Alex?”
Because he was-
“Alex!”
He’s crouching on the ground now, his fingers pressed into his eyes and his breaths stalling at the back of his throat.
“Alex?” Reggie says softly, and Alex had almost forgotten he was there.
He was there too, Alex thinks, and he can see behind the pressure of his palms Reggie looking over his shoulder at that magazine, and his father saying they-
The shame explodes in his stomach, swelling until it’s filling up his entire body. He feels it spill out onto his palms, pressed flush against his eyes.
A hand touches his back. “Alex, don’t-”
“Don’t touch me!” Alex shouts weakly, and the words won’t come out right without air.
His hands tear away from his face, and his eyes find Reggie leaning over him. His face is tight, and he’s shaking.
“I’m sorry,” Alex says shakily, pressing into his eyes again and soaking his already wet palms. “I’m sorry. You- You should have just gone with Luke tonight.”
“… But then you’d be alone,” Reggie says quietly. He’s crouching next to Alex now.
Alex chokes on something and more tears come out.
“What am I going to fucking do?” Alex says as hopelessly as he feels.
“It’s alright, man,” Reggie says. Alex feels his hand hovering for a moment before finally coming to rest on his back. “We’ll figure it out. We always do.”
They sit there for awhile, Reggie rubbing circles in his back while Alex tries to remember how to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” Alex croaks, finally peeling his hands away from his eyes for the last time. The sun is completely gone.
“For what?” Reggie asks gently.
“That you had to talk me down,” Alex says, deciding against the “again” that should probably be there. “And that you were there for… that.”
“It’s not a big deal, Alex. It was almost like being home.” Reggie chuckles, but it tapers quickly. “You know you don’t have to apologize for stuff that’s not your fault, right?”
“But it’s true,” Alex whispers, feeling very small. “Not the- Not the stuff about you, obviously, but the rest of it was- They were right.”
“Okay,” Reggie says. His hand pauses on Alex’s back but doesn’t leave. “So?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Dude, for what?”
“That it’s true.” He feels stupid for wanting to cry again.
“Well, don’t be,” Reggie says firmly. “As long as you can still play drums, nothing else really matters.”
Alex’s make a sound somewhere between a sigh of relief and a laugh.
“Oh, is that the only reason we’re friends?” Alex says, wiping at his eyes.
“Nah,” Reggie says immediately. “Even if you sucked at drums, we’d probably still be best friends.”
“In what universe would I suck at drums?”
“Well…”
Alex scoffs, hiding a smile as he shoves Reggie, who laughs and catches himself before he falls.
Alex stands up. “We should probably head over to Luke’s, I guess.”
“Yeah,” Reggie says, lifting himself up too. “Think he’s still awake?”
Alex gives him a strange look. “Are we talking about the same Luke?”
Reggie laughs again. “Yeah, you’re right. Even I didn’t believe it.”
They start down the road again. About a block away from his house, they find Luke.
“Guys?” He says, squinting at them in the dark. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“We could ask you the same thing,” Reggie says.
Alex closes his eyes and sighs. “Please, tell me you didn’t just get into a huge fight with your mom and walk out.”
“Well, that’s not… not what happened,” Luke says tentatively.
“Shit,” Alex curses.
“Why, what happened?” Luke asks. He takes a few steps closer and then squints at Alex. “Dude, are you alright?”
“Do you have fucking night vision or something, jeez?” Alex backs up and tilts his head so Luke can’t see his face.
“No, I just know what your face looks like when you haven’t been crying,” Luke says. “Seriously, what happened?”
Alex shares a look with Reggie and lets out a breath. “Okay, well, um, I sort of got… kicked out?”
Luke blanches, blinks several times, and says. “What, but you’re- Don’t your parents think you’re, like, perfect?”
Alex shrugs. “Yeah, I, uh, I think the gay porn kind of ruined their image of me.”
Luke blinks once, twice. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Alex-”
“It’s fine.” Alex’s throat feels kind of tight, and he doesn’t want to talk about it again.
“No, seriously, dude. That’s fucked up, for real,” Luke says. He rests a hand on Alex’s arm. “Just so you know, if I didn’t run out just now, you’d totally be staying over.”
Alex doesn’t know why that means so much when he’s spent half of his childhood sprawled out on Luke’s bedroom floor.
“So,” Luke says, slinging his arm around Alex’s shoulders while Alex tries to discreetly dab at his eyes. “Guess we’re crashing at Bobby’s.”
“You sure he’s okay to deal with all our shit?” Alex asks like it’s light conversation. “We’ve only known him, like, four months.”
“It’s cute that you think a member of our band doesn’t have his own mommy and daddy issues,” Luke says as they start back down the street.
“Well, I didn’t,” Alex says.
“And yet, here you are.”
“Yep.” Alex sighs. “Here I am.”
They make it to Bobby’s just as he’s closing up the garage.
“Yo, Bobby!” Luke shouts, running ahead of Alex and Reggie.
Bobby jumps, turning towards them. “… The hell are you guys doing here?”
“Need a place to sleep,” Luke says, slapping his shoulder. “Can we borrow the garage?”
Bobby blinks.
“I- Yeah,” Bobby says, already pushing the doors back open. “… Can I ask why?”
“You can ask,” Luke says, stepping into their studio. “Can’t guarantee you’ll get an answer.”
Bobby nods. “Fair enough.”
Bobby sits against the door as Alex and Reggie walk in. Alex can feel him surveying his probably-still-puffy face, and it pisses him off that he’s been walking with the guys for over an hour but thinking about the scene with his parents still makes his chest hurt.
Luke grabs his acoustic and sits on the couch, and Reggie and Alex follow. Alex is just glad to finally be sitting down. He tilts his head against the back of the couch and closes his eyes.
“It’s nothing serious though, right?” Bobby asks.
“… Define serious,” Reggie says carefully.
“Did you commit a crime?”
Alex huffs a laugh. “Only against God.”
He hears Reggie choke on a laugh.
“Alex,” Luke says like he’s hurt. “Don’t say that.”
“Did you murder someone?” Bobby asks, horrified.
Alex genuinely laughs at that.
“No, but my parents sure did act like it,” Alex says. He opens his eyes to look at Bobby, and somehow it feels harder to say like this. “I’m just… They found out I’m gay.”
“Oh,” Bobby says. “… Well, that’s definitely better than murder.”
“You would think,” Alex says sarcastically, and he should stop, because his eyes are starting to sting again, but he doesn’t think he wants to. “But I don’t know, I think I’m still disowned.”
“They disowned you?” Bobby asks softly.
“Not explicitly, but the ‘Get the fuck out!’ felt pretty final, ya know?” Alex laughs, and he can hear the shakiness even in his own ears. “But, hey, I don’t remember any ‘faggot’s or ‘queer’s being thrown around, so maybe there’s still hope.”
“Alex, stop it,” Luke says.
“Sorry, I, um,” Alex tries to blink back the tears, but they’re piling up too fast. He lets out a terrible laugh and they spill over. “I don’t- I already kind of expected this from them, so I- I didn’t think it would hurt this much?”
“They’re your parents,” Reggie says, placing a hand on Alex’s forearm. “Even when you expect them to suck… it still hurts when they do.”
“Well, it’s fucking stupid,” Alex says, wiping frustratedly at his face and wishing he would just stop feeling things.
He tries to take a deep breath, but it tapers off into a sob.
“Fuck,” Alex whispers, and his mouth feels wobbly around the word.
Luke’s arm finds its way around Alex’s shoulders again, in the closest thing to a hug Luke is capable of.
“Alex, it’s okay, dude,” Luke says, pressing Alex against his side. “Right now, we’ve got a place to sleep. We can figure the rest out tomorrow.”
“It’s not gonna be any different tomorrow than it is right now,” Alex says wretchedly.
“Yeah, it will,” Luke says calmly. “It won’t feel as big tomorrow. Promise.”
“Doubtful,” Alex says, but something in his chest loosens.
Once he’s calmed down considerably, Alex pulls away from Luke. His arm still stays loosely around him, and Reggie’s hand has found its way into his.
“Anyway,” Alex says, using his free hand to wipe his eyes. “Blankets.”
They all look at Bobby.
“Right,” Bobby says, standing up from his seat on top of the coffee table. He pats Alex on the knee before leaving through the studio door.
Alex tries really hard to focus on not crying the entire time Bobby’s gone.
When he comes back, the first thing Alex says is, “I’m sorry.”
Bobby pauses halfway through the door, blankets piled up in his arms. “… For what?”
“For, ya know-” Alex gestures to his tear-stained face. “-this.”
“Dude, it’s not that big of a deal,” Luke says.
“Well, not for you. You’ve known me for ten years,” Alex rebuttals. “Bobby’s new.”
“Oh, and what’s he gonna do? Flirt with you in retaliation?” Luke smirks.
“Hey,” Bobby says, back in motion again and closing the door behind him. “I take offense to that.”
“Good, you were supposed to.”
A surprised laugh jumps out of Alex’s throat as a pillows collides with Luke’s face, almost sending him over the arm of the couch.
Luke shoves the pillow onto the floor. “Hey!”
“What are you gonna do, write a song about it?” Bobby mocks, giving Reggie and Alex each a blanket.
“Maybe I will,” Luke says, sticking out his tongue.
“Can’t wait.” Bobby drops a third blanket into Luke’s lap.
“Wait,” Alex says as Bobby wraps the final blanket around his own shoulders. “Are you staying out here, too?”
Bobby shrugs. “Might as well. It’s better than sleeping up in my room while my mom waits for my dad to come back with that milk he said he was going to get seven years ago.”
“Oh,” Alex says. “Sorry, dude, that’s… rough.”
“It’s whatever, we’ve all got our shit,” Bobby says, bending down to grab one side of the coffee table. “Come help me move this.”
Luke springs up at the request and helps Bobby move the table off to the side of the room.
“I call the couch!” Luke says after they’re done.
“Pretty bold of you considering you aren’t even sitting on it anymore,” Alex says, moving to stand up anyway. Reggie follows him onto the floor.
They get comfortable, Luke on the couch and the rest of them huddled together on the floor.
When Bobby turns off the light, Alex finds it hard to fall asleep. He’s definitely exhausted enough, but his mind is still running a mile a minute, and the possibility of a third cry still isn’t out of the question.
“Alex, dude,” Luke whispers from somewhere above. “Your thinking’s keeping me awake.”
“Sorry,” Alex whispers back. He’s pretty sure Bobby and Reggie are asleep.
“It’s okay, just, here.” Alex feels Luke’s hand poke around for a minute before finding his. “I’m here, okay? Reg and Bobby, too. Nothing else’s gonna change before tomorrow, so just go to sleep.”
Alex stares at where he thinks Luke’s face is in the darkness. “… Okay.”
Alex looks back up at the ceiling. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and tries to focuses only on Luke’s hand in his and Bobby’s snoring and Reggie’s warmth against his side.
Nothing else’s gonna change before tomorrow.
When he opens his eyes, it’s morning, and his friends are scattered around him. Yesterday still feels huge and looming, but it’s smaller and breathing feels easier now than it did twelve hours ago.
The world is still a little upside down, but it didn’t fall apart while he wasn’t here to watch it, and maybe in that world he was a good kid until he wasn’t, but here he’s always just been Alex, and that hasn’t changed since the day before.
Things with his parents probably won’t ever be the same, but they’ll figure it out. They always do.
In the meantime, his family will always be right here in this tiny little world they’ve made for themselves.