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Before marriage, Sunday mornings were spent with early morning coffee, then helping her mother with her floral shop, studying for her PhD in sociology and finally voluntary work. Trish believed in the importance of following a strict routine as a way to keep herself grounded – if she simply wandered aimlessly through the day with no purpose, eventually she might find herself too lazy to do anything at all. She was determined that way, and it had been like that since she was in college, no matter how busy her college life was, she would find something to keep herself occupied.
After marriage, however, was a different matter entirely.
While the morning coffee and voluntary work still occasionally happened on a lazy Sunday in the middle of a hot, humid summer, Trish found herself contented to just lounge in bed the moment she first woke in the arms of the woman she was deeply attracted to. Theo was addictive that way, whether it was the sex, or their dates or their conversations about work, family, Theo’s patients or Trish’s cases in general. Trish had a taste (figuratively and metaphorically) of her on that night they first met at the nightclub, and ever since Trish found it hard to resist her. She knew she should be smart enough to back off when this woman unceremoniously kicked her out of her house (her sister’s house, technically) immediately after their tumble in the bed, but every time Theo called her back Trish couldn’t help but answer. Like a moth to a flame hoping for a different outcome each time.
And miraculously, Theo called after the funeral. When she sounded different, Trish had hoped. Against all odds, Theo started letting her in. And the rest was history.
That Sunday was no different. Knowing eventually she would have to get up and get the day going, Trish blinked her tiredness away. She turned to her side, saw her wife’s serene, peaceful face and her bare hands connected to Trish’s back, and Trish felt the need to stop for a moment and just stare in wonder. She could feel the hot, stuffy summer weather in their bedroom, but Trish simply ignored it and kicked the blanket away from herself. It was rare to see Theodora Crain sleeping peacefully without her brows furrowed in a frown, as though she was constantly pissed at whoever or whatever she was facing in her dreams. She had been worried that Theo might not be able to sleep well these few nights. Trish had noticed that something must bother her recently, considering how Theo had been picking at her food these few days, and sometimes seemed distant and moody. While she was worried Trish knew how much Theo needed her own space sometimes, and so Trish chose to be patient. If Theo was ready to tell her, she would.
Soon, the temperature was getting unbearable, and Trish felt her own discomfort growing despite her wishes to remain in bed. She frowned as she noticed beads of sweat on Theo’s bare skin, so she placed a gentle hand on Theo’s cheek out of worry, and frowned at how warm her wife’s skin was.
“Theo,” Trish called, shaking Theo’s shoulder gently. Her wife grunted and the smallest creases formed on her brows. “Theo, wake up,”
“Whuh – ” her wife croaked, but her eyes were still closed and she merely buried her face in the pillow. “It’s a Sunday, Trish,”
“Babe, you’re hot,”
A sly smile formed on Theo’s face, though her eyes still did not open. “I know,” she merely said, then ignored Trish completely. Trish waited a full minute, and rolled her eyes when she heard Theo’s soft snores.
“Theo, get up. I need to get you in the shower –” she tugged on Theo’s arm, but her stubborn, sleepy wife groaned and chose to stay in bed.
“It’s too early, Trish. Seduce me later,”
“You’re burning up,” Trish tapped her wife’s cheek this time. “Theodora,”
Theo’s eyes opened, and blue-grey orbs met Trish’s dark brown ones. Trish knew that was one way to get her wife’s attention, and she only ever used it when she needed to get Theo to at least pay attention to what she had to say. And though it always worked, Trish knew not to abuse that privilege. She knew when was the right time to push Theo’s buttons, and when not to do so. This was one of those moments.
Trish sighed and her gaze was full of concern. “How do you feel? You were fine yesterday,”
“Really tired,” Theo groaned, her half-lidded eyes staring at the wall behind Trish. “I probably ate something wrong few days ago, I don’t feel so hot,”
“You were barely eating since a few days ago,” Trish frowned. “I’ll make you some tea, okay? Pancakes sound good?”
“Actually, I don’t wanna eat anything. I don’t wanna move at all,” Theo mumbled, and shrank further into their bed. That worried Trish even more because she had seen Theo sick before. Whether it was a cold or a headache or a mild case of stomach flu, Theo would just shrug it off and carry on with the day. On the contrary, usually it was Trish who would be whining and begging for help if she were to be sick, not stubborn, bull-headed Theo.
“You wanna see a doctor, babe?”
Theo narrowed her eyes at the thought. “Maybe I’ll just pop a pill and sleep it off,”
“Theo, a couple of times you got sick and you still carried on like nothing happened. Whatever this is, I think we should be worried,”
“You’re overthinking, Trish,” Theo pouted like a child whose toy had just been taken away.
“Maybe. But if it gets worse I’m dragging you off to see a doctor,” Trish got up from the bed, ready to head into the kitchen to make Theo something warm to get some food in her belly. She made a mental note to heat up some leftover soup from last night, maybe that ought to trigger her appetite.
Theo pulled the blanket over her head. “Try me,”
“Don’t make me call Shirley,” Trish chided. “I’m making you some tea and pancakes, okay? Then I’ll get you into the shower, maybe that’ll bring the fever down,”
Her sick, lazy wife only moaned in response, and Trish left the room to head into the kitchen.
Trish was about to bring Theo the breakfast she prepared when her phone rang unexpectedly. Putting down the tea, pancakes and the paracetamol for Theo’s fever, she picked up her phone from the kitchen counter, and was puzzled to see her sister-in-law calling her this early in the morning.
“Shirley? Is everything okay?”
“Hi. Hi, Trish, how are you? I’m just calling because Theo isn’t picking up…”
Trish furrowed her brow. She could tell Shirley was deeply disturbed by something. “I’m good. Just surprised that you called on a Sunday morning. Theo’s just a bit under the weather today, are you looking for her?”
The other end of the call was silent for too long. And this only made Trish frown even more. The Crains had always been a little odd, but Trish had gotten used to it somehow. Otherwise she would not be married to one. So she called out. “Shirley?”
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Is Theo okay?”
Trish sighed. “I don’t know, actually. She has a fever right now, and she just wants to stay in bed for the whole day,” she licked her lips in frustration, then asked. “She usually isn’t this mopey when she was sick. Or at least she isn’t the last few times she had a cold or a headache. Is she usually like this when she’s sick?”
“Theo never had a problem with sickness when we were kids. I remember she had to take care of me when I came down with a fever once,” Shirley chuckled, but it was short-lived and when she next spoke, her tone was serious. “I think you ought to take her to the doctor’s, at least make sure it’s nothing serious?”
“I thought so, but Theo is stubborn. I’ll see if she gets better after taking the medicine,”
“Great,” Shirley said. A brief pause. “Call me if you need anything, alright?”
“Sure,” Trish was ready to hang up, and then she wondered why Shirley even called in the first place. “Wait, do you need to talk to Theo – ”
“It’s fine, actually,” Shirley said quickly. “Just tell her Allie misses her. And tell her to pick up her phone next time,”
They exchanged goodbyes, then hung up. Their conversation only confused Trish even further, but Trish knew she had bigger problems to worry about – a sick wife. Holding up the tray of steaming pancakes and warm, fragrant tea in one hand, Trish headed to their bedroom hastily, only to arch her eyebrows at the sight of the crumpled blanket at the foot of their empty, unkempt bed.
She was hopeful, thinking maybe Theo just caught a simple cold after all. Until she heard a loud retch from the bathroom followed by a wheezing cough. The feeling of dread returned once more, this time its weight added even more with the realization that something was awfully wrong.
“Theo?” Trish called out, hurriedly placing the tray of food on top of a drawer. Reaching the bathroom, she was greeted with the sight of Theo kneeling over the toilet, her knuckles white while she gripped the edge of the toilet seat tightly and the horrible sound of her retching sent Trish panicking. Dropping to her knees next to Theo, Trish could only hold her hair as she continued puking while rubbing her back.
It seemed to go on forever, until Theo gasped and gave one last spluttering cough before leaning her head against the wall. Trish waited, her concern only growing even worse than before.
“It’s okay, babe, please don’t be scared,” Theo rasped. Trish did not even realize her hand had been holding Theo’s, their bare skin touching each other. It still unnerved her sometimes – the knowledge that Theo could know what she was thinking with just a touch, and how it was impossible to keep a secret from her. But Trish knew there should never be secrets in a relationship, so she fought her instincts to pull back her hand, and instead squeezed Theo’s in reassurance.
“We should get you to the hospital,” Trish stated. It wasn’t a question.
Theo only hummed, then grimaced as her hand went to her stomach. Her right side. “I don’t know if I can walk… It’s been hurting earlier this week, but this morning it just got worse,”
“You’ve been having a stomach ache for the whole week and you didn’t bother telling me?” Trish yelled incredulously, which she regretted when her wife winced.
“I thought I ate something wrong, please don’t yell at me,” her head hung low, like a child that had been reprimanded for stealing something. She was not sure if it was because of the fever or Theo actually felt guilty, but her wife seemed genuinely abashed, and it made her guilty for yelling.
“It’s okay. Lean onto me,” she said gently, taking Theo’s arm and hanging it over her shoulder. With the proximity she could feel how hot her skin was, and noticed her face was covered with a thin sheen of sweat. “I think you have a ruptured appendicitis. I had it once when I was a teenager, and we only noticed when I started burning up with a fever. Thought it was a stomach bug, too,”
“You smell wonderful,” Theo drawled, clearly not listening to what she said.
“At least you’re still capable of joking,” Trish chuckled. They slowly made it to Trish’s car, halfway Theo’s knees buckled as she hissed in pain and her grip almost slipped.
“I hope you’re not going to tell Shirley,” Theo mumbled. “Oh, she’s going to be so annoying about it,”
“That’s funny, because your sister did call me this morning,”
Theo made a face. “She did? What for?”
“She was actually asking if you were alright?” Trish shrugged. “And she said Allie misses you and told you to pick up your phone next time. It’s odd. It’s like she knows something happened to you,”
Her wife did not answer after that, and Trish did not know what to make of it.
She would be lying if she said she did not panic when she received a phone call from Trish. And it only took ‘Your sister is in surgery’ for her to excuse herself from a meeting with her clients and immediately rush to the hospital, giving Kevin a pleading look which he understood instantly. Ever since the funeral the Crains had made it mandatory to answer any of the siblings’ phone calls at all time, no matter how inopportune the moment could be.
I knew it, the words repeated itself in her mind, and she had to resist the urge to run down every red light on the way. I knew something was wrong, I should have known.
Though when Shirley entered the ward where Theo resided after her appendicitis surgery, she was not expecting Theo to be high as fuck.
Trish had greeted her outside the ward with a hug. And Shirley always thought about how her sister was right – Trish does give the best, warmest hugs. When she arrived, the doctors were still checking up on Theo, to make sure the ruptured appendicitis did not give her any more complications. Then the doctor came out of the ward and warned them that the patient could be a little out of it, effects of the anaesthetic, he said, and she did not really know what to make of it.
Until both of them entered the ward.
“Oh maaaaaan, has anyone ever told you how sexy you are?” Theo’s voice stretched out in a drawl, her eyes looking dreamy as she stared at Trish, who started giggling while Shirley could only roll her eyes. “Damn, Shirl, look at her,”
“Theo, you’re high,” the older sister simply stated, and noticed the mischievous, albeit slightly drunk, glint in her eyes. “If you’re going to make a joke about our heights I will get the nurse to knock you out immediately,”
Her younger sister pulled a face. “Geez, someone’s cranky,” Theo said, then turned to Trish and gave her a shameless wink. “You, on the other hand,”
Trish was trying her hardest not to burst into laughter. “Honey, you need to rest. We’ll talk more once you’re better, okay?”
Theo pouted, and Shirley swore that she had never seen her this way – not even when she was drunk. Theo had always been an angry drunk, but right now seeing her so giddy and silly while drugged made her thank her lucky stars that Theo did not have a drug addiction issue.
“But will you be here in the morning?” she whined. Trish only sighed.
“Always,” Trish reached out to squeeze Theo’s hand, and curiously Shirley watched Theo’s face for a reaction. Nope. Still that same stupid grin on her face. “And when you’re better maybe we can go out for a date. So rest, okay?”
Then something shifted on Theo’s face. That silly, drugged up grin on her face was gone, replaced by a frown and sombre eyes that stared off in the distance as though something was bothering her. Her wife noticed it, and Shirley could see the worry etched on her face.
“I can’t,” Theo said sadly. “I’m married,”
Oh my God, Shirley covered her mouth with her palm to stifle her laugh. Trish seemed to have lost it this time, and burst into a fit of giggles. “Well, I’m sure your wife is the luckiest person in the world,”
“Noooooooo. I am the luckiest person in the world to be married to that most wonderful, loving human being. So lucky…” her voice drifted off this time, and Theo’s eyes were slowly closing. Trish was definitely not expecting that from her, her eyes glowing with love and sadness for Theo. Suddenly Shirley felt like she was the intruder in that moment. “How do you even know I’m gay…” Theo asked, but her voice was a whisper, and she finally fell back to sleep.
“That’s a first,” Shirley laughed. Trish joined in, her hand still joined with her wife’s. “Thank you for calling me, Trish. And I’m sorry you have to deal with my sister’s stubborn ass,”
“It’s okay, actually. I just wish she had told me she hasn’t been feeling well for the whole week,” Trish said, her eyes downcast for a brief moment before meeting Shirley’s again. “I thought you had a meeting with client today?”
“Kevin’s got it handled, so don’t worry. You have been here for the whole day, why don’t you go home and rest for a few hours? I can stay here for a while,”
“I could really use a shower right now. If that’s okay with you? I’ll be back at night,”
Shirley nodded, then reached over to hug her sister-in-law again. At that moment she felt fortunate to have Trish as part of their family, thankful that Theo had finally found someone she could commit to. “Thank you for taking care of her, Trish. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her,”
Trish only held her tighter. When she pulled back Trish was ready to leave, not before pressing her lips to Theo’s bare knuckles. Before she opened the door, she turned to Shirley again.
“Shirley, about the phone call this morning, it wasn’t random, was it?”
Shirley arched an eyebrow in question.
“I just don’t think it is a coincidence that you would call and ask about Theo’s wellbeing all of a sudden. I know enough about Theo and her gloves, and I don’t mean to pry into your family but…”
“It’s okay, Trish. You’re family too,” Shirley remembered that one time she had snapped at Leigh telling her to stay out of her family’s business during her dispute with Steve and his book, but that seemed so long ago now. In the end, all they have is each other, and Shirley was tired of all the quarrelling and uneasiness among themselves anyway. “Maybe one day when you and Theo come over for dinner we could have a glass of wine and talk about it all. Oddness runs in the Crain family, I hope it doesn’t make you scared of her,” she looked at her younger sister, asleep in that white bed with the most serene expression on her face. Back when they were kids and they shared a room, Theo had that look. Until they moved into Hill House.
“I’m not scared of her,” Trish smiled, but it was melancholic. “For her, maybe. But I’ll never be scared of her,”
Shirley nodded. The door closed. Silence.
And Shirley waited.
It was 4 hours later when Theo woke. She tried to rub the grogginess away from her eyes, and slightly disoriented by the effects of the drugs, she took a moment to take in her surroundings,
Then found her sister staring at her with the most nonchalant expression.
“Good morning to you,” Shirley helped Theo sit up. “Trish is resting at home. Do you want me to call her now?”
Theo was tempted to. It felt like she had been sleeping for a long while and now that she was awake she found herself missing her company. She remembered throwing up in the bathroom, then Trish half-carrying her and taking her to the hospital. After that she was in too much pain to even register the noises around her, then she was put to sleep.
Knowing that her wife deserved rest after the trouble she put her through, Theo shook her head. “How long was I asleep?”
“Just a few hours. Do you remember what happened after the surgery?”
“I don't remember being awake after surgery,”
Shirley arched an eyebrow. “You really don't remember?”
It started to get on her nerves. “What did I do?”
Shirley avoided her gaze, but Theo swore she was trying to stifle a laugh. “Nothing. Just I’m glad it wasn't you with a drug addiction problem,”
“Shirley,”
“Okay, fine,” she threw her hands up in surrender. “You flirted with your wife without even recognizing she’s your wife,”
The look on Theo’s face must have been horrendous, for that was the moment when Shirley lost it, threw back her head and laughed. She would have reached over and wrung her sister’s pretty neck, if she wasn’t fresh off the operating theatre.
“Why the fuck wouldn’t I remember that?!”
“You were drugged up pretty bad. But honestly I have to say, it was priceless. I am so gonna tell Luke and Steve about this,”
“You are the worst,”
“Says the one who didn’t answer any of my calls,” Shirley’s tone became serious, the laughter gone from her face. “Seriously, Theo, we talked about this before. I called you three times and you didn’t even pick up,”
Theo’s mood quickly turned sour. “I was running a fever, Shirl, which was how I ended up in the hospital in the first place,”
“Which apparently you never told your wife you were feeling ill for most of the week,”
“I didn’t think it was something serious.” before she knew it, she started raising her voice. “Cut me some slack, okay? You’re not our mom anymore, plus I’m not the only one who’s keeping secrets from their own spouses,”
The moment she uttered those words, she wished she could take it back. But those words had hit their mark, and Theo had to watch in dismay at how her sister’s face fell. Shirley glared at Theo, but at the same time she looked crestfallen, and for Theo nothing hurt worse than knowing she had unintentionally offended her own sister.
She briefly remembered how her last conversation with Nell was a heated argument, and she winced.
“I’m sorry, Shirl. Fuck,” she bit her lip, ashamed. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone, but I was really sick,”
“I actually had a dream last night,” Shirley said, and this caught her attention. Since they were kids, Theo knew her sister had a tendency to sleepwalk, but mostly she would mumble something in her sleep. Sometimes it would make no sense at all, sometimes it would be something ominous which Theo found out to be true in a few days, though she hadn’t a single idea whether it had been purely coincidence or some supernatural force at work. Ever since Hill House, they never shared a room anyway, but Kevin had made a comment sometimes about how Shirley would suddenly wake up from sleep and mumble something about the family.
Especially that night when Nell died.
And so Theo watched her sister, listened.
“I can’t remember much about it really. But I remember I was vomiting, and this uneasy feeling in my stomach. I felt like I was on fire, then I woke. I didn’t know what I said, either, but Kevin said I called out your name,” her voice became flat, emotionally drained. “I couldn’t sleep after that. I was worried something happened to you,”
Then the pieces clicked together in Theo’s mind. “Is that why you called me, and then Trish?”
Shirley nodded. And that only made Theo feel like shit for lashing out at her.
“Fuck, Shirl, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to go through that,”
Her sister shrugged. “Hey, that means I get to warn you guys if something bad is happening, right?”
“You don’t deserve to live like that,”
“Neither do you,” Shirley grimaced. “But you used it to help other kids who were like us, so they don’t have to go through the same shit. What’s a bit of a nightmare compared to the trauma you have to experience with those kids?”
Theo said nothing. So they sat there quietly, contemplating their own words and just enjoying each other’s company. She had missed this. Back then when she still lived in her sister’s guesthouse, some nights she would sit together with her sister at the front porch and just watched the night go by – no words exchanged, just pure silence, a bottle of beer and each other’s. It was a sibling connection that Theo only shared with her elder sister, a silent conversation that was pure and intimate and impossible to be emulated with anyone else.
“I said this before, but I’ll say it again,” Shirley broke the silence, looking at her with a grateful smile. “I’m happy you found someone, Theo. Someone you’re willing to love and commit to. What you have with Trish is very rare, and she was really worried this morning,”
“And I’m going to make it up to her after this,” Theo gestured at herself in general. “Well, I just hope I didn’t embarrass myself even further when I was high,”
Shirley did not answer, but Theo caught the smirk that she tried to hide. She frowned, and the look on her face was starting to irk her. “What?” she snapped.
“You kinda professed your love in front of Trish and me. And you asked how she knew you were gay,”
Theo felt her face burning, and she could only bury her face in her palms in shame while trying to drown out the sound of her sister’s cackles.