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Gokudera wakes up slowly to the very painful state of his body, and the immediate realization he’s in a hospital.
He feels like utter shit, which he’s proud to say didn’t happen for a long time now.
The bandages put on him—all over him, and goddamnit it wasn’t that bad, why does everyone always coddle him?—are tight like they were meant to be used as shackles.
Did some idiots let Bianchi take care of his wounds?
It’s dark in the room, not much of the moon rays coming in from the window. He reaches for the lamp on the bedside table, and bites on his tongue to hold on a groan.
That goddamned crazy prince motherfucker. If he likes to see his blood so much, Gokudera will enjoy—
The mattress’s weight shifts, sleepy mumbles breaking the silence. Gokudera snaps his eyes down the bed.
“T—Tenth!”
A mix of wonder and happiness and utter shame overwhelms him, and he's at a loss of words.
Tsuna straightens from the mattress, rubs his eyes. His back pops when he stretches, and Gokudera winces at the noises.
Tsuna freezes mid-yawn when they make eye contact.
“Gokudera-kun!” He rushes to him, leans on the mattress, a hand on each side of his body. “Thank god, you’re awake! Are you alright?”
Gokudera grits his teeth at the weight shifts. He’s not subtle enough however, because Tsuna removes his hands as if he was burned.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry.”
It’s the turmoil on Tsuna’s face that gives him back his voice.
Gokudera visibly swallows, gets his shit together.
How much more trouble is he going to give him?
“Tenth.” Gokudera leans on his elbows, tries to rise in a semblance of a sitting position. “I—”
“Gokudera-kun lie down, what are you doing?”
“It’s fine Tenth, listen—”
“No!”
Gokudera startles. He gapes at Tsuna, who does stand his ground as conflicted as he seems to be to have raised his voice.
He lies him back down with gentle but firm hands on his shoulders.
“You’re badly hurt, so you should rest.” He pats his pillow before resting his head on it, tucks him in without looking at him. “And don’t you dare apologize.”
Gokudera blinks, and tries to hold on his outrage.
He must absolutely apologize to him. He lost, let Tsuna down—let everyone down—, and worried him.
He can only hope he’ll be forgiven.
“But Tenth—”
“I know you did your best Gokudera-kun, it’s okay. I don’t care about the ring.” Tsuna purses his lips, caught off guard by the harsh tone he used the way Gokudera is, or maybe to stop himself to say more. “I…” He sits back in the chair, every one of his movement speaking of how tired he is. How tired he feels. “You shouldn’t even have been hurt in the first place. None of you should have been.”
Gokudera shifts uncomfortably. This is not something he expected, whatever this is.
Not that he expected to wake up with Tsuna by his side to begin with.
“Tenth, you… don’t look too good.”
“I’m fine.”
“You should go home, sleep in your own bed. I’ll be fine. I am fine,” he adds quickly.
“I’m fine. I want to stay here, if it’s okay with you. I should be here too.”
What about training? Gokudera wants to ask, but something tells him it’s really not the right time for that.
He frowns. “Tenth, do you think this is all because of you? All about you? It’s a bit insulting.”
Tsuna gapes, a dumbfounded look on his face, his eyes wide. Gokudera waits for the apologies to stumble out of his mouth, but they don’t come out.
Well, shit. Guess he’s doing this now.
“Having snowball fights together, watching fireworks together, laughing together… that’s what you said we’re all fighting for, didn’t you? Don’t you think it means everything to us too? That we’d want to fight for all of this too?”
“Of course I do! I’d never—this isn’t—I’m—”
Tsuna’s eyes glisten, his face overwhelmed with so many emotions Gokudera can’t tell them apart.
God, if only he could have won this stupid ring.
“I’m sorry I lost.”
“I don’t care about that!” Tsuna’s chair clatters on the floor. He breathes heavily, both his hands curled into shaking fists. “None of you would be involved in all of this if it wasn’t for me. Or am I just being too self-centered again?”
“You don’t get to tell us whose people we get to care about, Tenth,” Gokduera says as softly as he can. Tsuna shakes his head, averting his eyes once more. “What if I told you you should kicked out the stupid cow, I-Pin, and Fuuta from your house? Because they put you at risk? How would you feel then?”
Tsuna squeezes his eyes shut, breathes out a shaky breath. “Angry. Hurt.”
“Yeah,” Gokudera says lamely.
Tsuna laughs, and he doesn’t mind one bit for once.
His laugh turns into a sob, and he sinks down on his knees, hides his face in the mattress.
“I’m sorry you got hurt.”
“I’m fine Tenth. I’ll heal in no time, you’ll see.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll figure it out. One day at a time. Together.”
There's a beat of silence, before the strangled confession. “I’m so scared.”
Gokudera bites his lip. Maybe he should just shut up already? Is he even helping here, or he’s just making everything worse?
Where’s the baseball freak when he needs him?
“Tenth.” He brushes their hands together, blushing to the tip of his ears, but it’s really not the time for that either. “Tenth.” Tsuna doesn’t make any noise, his fingers curled in the blanket, but he knows he’s crying. Gokudera brushes their hands together again, keeps it up longer. “Tsuna.”
He holds his breath.
It takes a moment, or two, but then Tsuna slips his hand in his.
“Tsuna, look at me. We’ll get through this.”
Tsuna raises his head, wipes his cheeks. “And then what?” He sounds bitter, and exhausted, and bitter. “We’ll just have to get through the next one after that, is that it? And the next one after them, and the one after the last one, and on and on?”
“Yes. And we’ll get stronger each time.” Gokudera squeezes his hand, don’t let his voice sounds anything but unyielding. “And one day we’ll be strong enough no one else will ever be able to stop us from doing snowball fights together. And watch fireworks together. And laugh together as much as we want. Does that sound like a plan?”
Gokudera fears Tsuna will look away again, but he doesn’t. He stares deep into his eyes, and he lets him.
He’d never ever lie to him, least of all about this.
Tsuna cradles his hand in both his own, presses it against his forehead, eyes closed like he’s praying.
He laughs, something that still sounds like sobs, but sounds more like a laugh than a sob at the moment.
He kisses the back of his hand, slow and earnest, kisses it again, and Gokudera’s heart does something he’s pretty sure is physically impossible.
“Yeah,” Tsuna breathes out, “yeah, it sounds like a plan.” He presses his hand against his cheek, and smiles the most genuine smile since this whole Varia bullshit started. “It sounds like the best of plans. Thank you, Gokudera-kun.”