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Today marked her two years being a Survey Corps member. At the end of last year, Erwin, Hange and Mike officially promoted to Squad Leader, even though each of them already serving the position separately for a few month to few weeks immediately after their predecessors killed in the line of duty. After new Squad Leader appointment, usually there will be changes on the members as well and it will be up to the the Squad Leaders to choose who they want to be on their squad.
Nanaba noticed some junior members really trying hard during training, daily chores or expedition to impress and draw attention of their favourite Squad Leaders, so they could be picked into the squad. Hange noticed that too, she said, she's sad that nobody is trying to win her heart, nobody wants to be in her squad. Nanaba just laugh at Hange's dramatic complain, convincing her, anyone she picked will be honored to serve under her command, the same way if they were picked into Erwin or Mike's squad.
Last friday of this month has been chosen as the celebration party for Erwin, Hange and Mike's promotion to Squad Leader. Nanaba had been helping Moblit with the preparation this whole week. The party is actually Hange's idea but Hange wanted it to looks like the other members are the one planning it as a surprise for the three new Squad Leader. So. Moblit became the person everyone knew behind this surprise party.
Friday evening, dinner time. After seeing everyone almost done with their dinner, Moblit nudged her side, code for, it's time. As they make silent movement to the mess hall's side door, they tap several shoulders of other members to follow them. Soon, they were all wheeling in a table filled with meaty foods and another table of full of cups and several bottles of liquor. They were met with confused eyes at first, but when the smell of roasted meat reached the nearest table, cheers erupted through the entire mess hall. Moblit struggling with his pretend speech, while asking everyone to wait until the new Squad Leaders get a taste first.
Hange now dragging Erwin and Mike to come forward and get a taste of the delicious food prepared by these kids with pretend shock in her face and a repetitive, you souldn't have, coming from her mouth. Moblit and Nanaba stand to the side, allowing themselves a sigh of relieve. Finally this hush hush mission is completed. After the wave of people in the food table thins out, she told Moblit she's going to get more food for them. Moblit followed anyway, going for the drinks. They both eat and drink in the table by the wall away from the crowd, just watching everyone having fun.
As she was finishing her third refill of roasted meat, she started to hear someone singing happy birthday song. It was Hange, and she made her way toward her. As they all singing the song, Nanaba just sat there awkwardly, grinning ear to ear. She completely forgot about her birthday, and managed to avoid that topic for the past three years have been quite an achievement. After the singing and the crowd disappear from her table, she stood up to get another drink when someone sat opposite her with two glasses, handing one to her. Nanaba sat back down at the sight of Mike giving her a glass of drink.
"Thank you," she smiled and thank him.
He smiled back and said, "Didn't know today's your birthday. Well, happy birthday."
"Thank you, yeah, never really thought birthdays are that important anyway."
They both sat quietly while watching the other members enjoying themselves.
The next week at morning briefing, the new Squad Leaders took turns each onto the stage to announce the names for their squad members. Nanaba was surprised to hear her name being called by Mike, she was picked to be in Squad Mike. Along with nineteen other members, some her juniors, some her seniors. She remembered the feeling of pride, knowing she was handpicked by a squad leader. Meaning, she was recognized for her talent. She also remembered how Hange was so upset that Mike got a chance to announce his squad first and put Nanaba on his squad's new lineup. She just stormed off the hall leaving Moblit and her new squad members in confusion. By lunch time, things seemed to cool down, for Hange is now at the usual table along with Mike and Erwin, laughing loudly while slapping the table that made her soup spilled all over the table.
**********
Nanaba remembered that day, four months into her new role as Mike's squad member. They were just returning from a week of training in the forest and about to enter the mess hall for dinner. Mike stood by the door with a stack of letters for his squad members, he made it his habit to hand over personal letters for his squad members before dinner. He stopped her by the door and handed her letter. She read the sender's name at the back of the envelope, put it in her jacket pocket and went to the meal line.
Her curiosity finally caught her, and she read the letter while finishing her dinner. The letter was sent by Max, a boy from her village. She remembered him and his three friends were the one who introduced her to the life outside of the village and the four of them finally left the village five years ago. Two of the boys chose The Garrison while one managed to join the Military Police. It wasn't a long letter, pretty to the point in fact. One paragraph of greetings and one paragraph of the real content of the letter. Max informed her that her father has passed away a week ago and burried in the village cemetary by the hill. The village chief would like to know when Nanaba would have the time to return to the village and sort out the documentation, the estate and belongings left behind.
She put the letter back into her pocket and quietly finished her dinner. Suddenly the sound in the mess hall become muted, she barely hear what the person next to her was saying. After putting her tray back on the counter she went outside, for the first time in her life, she didn't know what to do. Nanaba went to the stable instead, to her horse's stall and sit on the hay stack in the corner.
Reading the letter one more time and found herself frowning, confused on why she suddenly couldn't feel anything. To be honest to herself, she found that for the past five years, she didn't even remember that she still have a living father in the village. She enjoyed her life in the Cadet Corps and Survey Corps so much, she forgot she had a life before them. All of a sudden the memories came back and forced her to froze on the hay stack looking at the stable floor.
"Nanaba,"
She didn't hear him.
"Nanaba!" Mike spoke louder.
This time she heard him and raised her head to see her Squad Leader standing by the stall door.
"Squad Leader..."
"You okay?"
She nodded and gave him a smile.
"Bad news?" Mike pointed to the letter in her hand.
"Want to read?" she offered him the letter.
"Can I?"
She nodded.
Mike took the letter from her hand, sat on the hay stack and spent a few minutes reading them while Nanaba is now brushing her horse and occasionally feeding him wheat from the bucket by the door.
Exhaling, Mike fold the letter and put it back into the envelope. "I didn't know you still have a father. Had, and I'm sorry for your lost."
"Hmm, of course you don't. I never told you. I never told anyone. Not a problem."
"So, when do you want to go back to your village?"
Still brushing her horse, Nanaba didn't answer, she just shrugged.
Mike stood up, took the brush from her hand, by force, when she didn't want to let go, "You will take three days off to sort out your personal affairs and I will expect your leave request form on my desk tomorrow morning after breakfast. That is an order, soldier."
"Sir!" Nanaba automatically stand up straight and made a salute at the command.
"Lights out in ten minutes. You might want to get back to the barrack now."
"Sir!"
*****
The next morning Mike saw Nanaba already eating her breakfast when he stepped inside the mess hall. She sat alone in the corner table, away from anyone else. Mike didn't realized the time when she slipped out the mess hall, because her seat now is already occupied by someone else.
After breakfast, Mike went straight to the office building and saw Nanaba at the corner of the administration office, filling out what he assumed to be the leave request form. He went to his office and waited for her there.
Nanaba spent several minutes staring at the form before she finally made her feet move to the stairs to Mike's office. She took a deep breath before knocking and opened the door when Mike's voice told her to come in.
"Good morning, Sir," Nanaba saluted.
"I suppose you're here with your leave request form?"
"Yes, Sir. I am"
"Let's see it then," Mike took the form from her hand, read the content, nodded and signed his signature on the bottom right.
Mike gave her the signed form, "I'll see you in three days, then,"
Nanaba took the signed form, "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir,"
Mike gave her the signed form but immediateley grabbed her wrist when she was about to turned to the door, "Do you need company?"
She didn't answer, only looking at him with a blank stare looking confused, Nanaba blinked several times but not answering.
"Nanaba, do you need company?" Mike repeated.
"No. No, Sir. I'm good," she replied.
Judging by her response, Mike decided that he should apply leave himself.
*****
In the morning, Nanaba went to the mess hall for breakfast ahead of everyone else. Her plan was to slip out to her village when everyone is still at breakfast so she doesn't have to meet or explained to anyone why she's taking a leave that day.
Her plan worked, now she's waiting inside the waiting room of the coach station waiting for the one going to Krolva District. Not long, the coach arrive and everyone in the waiting room made a line to aboard it. Only five people to aboard the coach ment for eight people. Nanaba sat by the door, the best seat inside a coach she always thought. Next to her is a mother and her son. While the other two passenger settled themselves on the other side of the coach by the window. As the station worker about to closed the door, one more person climbed in and sat in the only empty seat in front of her.
His foot bumped into hers as he climbed in, Nanaba retracted her foot back a bit and absentmindedly uttered 'sorry'. She was surprised to see her Squad Leader sitting there.
"Squad Leader...?"
As she was still in shocked, the little boy to her right nagging his mother, telling her that he wanted to sit by the window. The mother refused telling him that it's too drafty there and he will catch a cold if he sit there. Mike told them that this coach is built quite sturdy that no draft can be felt between the door opening and offered to change his seat with the mother and child. The boy was smiling ear to ear as his mother sighed, thanked Mike and switch seats with him.
Nanaba sat up a bit as Mike sat next to her.
It took a while for her to collect herself and asked him, "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to help one of my squad member. Who said that they don't need any help, but I'm going to help them anyway."
It was like a punch to the guts to Nanaba, she felt ashamed for making her Squad Leader worry and go an extra mile like this for her.
"Thank you,"
"You're welcome."
They sat mostly in silent as Nanaba wasn't really sure what to talk about and Mike is understanding enough not to asked questions, he just busied himself with a book.
The sky was getting dark and houses are already lit the lights when they arrive in the coach station in Krolva District. The passengers disembarked the coach and went to collect their luggage. They were lucky there were still a coach service going to Nanaba's village fifteen minutes away from the station.
The coach dropped them at the only inn in the village and Nanaba suggest that they book rooms for two days.
*****
After breakfast they left the inn and went straight to the village chief's house several houses across the inn. At the chief's house, she had to force herself to smile and talk with him and his wife about why they haven't seen her coming home while the other three boys would come back at least once every year. She made up stories on the spot, summarizing her absence these five years and hoped they would just get to the point so she could be on her way to her house. Finally he gave her her father's death certificate and the house key, with that Nanaba bid her leave to the couple.
They went further north where Nanaba's house were located, another ten minutes walk. On their way, Nanaba occasionally explain things around the village to Mike, about how things were and what things had changed within the past five years, while he nodded and hummed his acknowledgement with occasional comments and questions. Mike quietly enjoyed walking around in that peaceful village just with Nanaba like this, if only under a happier circumstances.
They stopped in front of a house, where weeds already grew around ankle length and potted plants withered, dried and died.
He looked at her, standing frozen by the front gate, "We should get in, then?" Mike suggested when Nanaba just stood there, staring at the house.
She nodded and let him enter first, hands him the house key when they reach the front door. Inside, Mike looked around and started to opened the windows to let light and air in. Nanaba stood by the door observing the house she hasn't seen in five years, it looked the same but different at the same time. It felt familiar yet foreign at the same time too. One thing for certain, it felt cold now. Not only because the autumn weather but also because it had been left empty for over a week now. Dust already collecting in surfaces as well.
Nanaba went to one of the rooms, hers. She opened it and found that it had become a storage now, a broken chair, farming tools, boxes, crates, sacks lined up on one side of the wall. Her mattress was folded in half to the edge and covered in old sheets to make room for other things to piled on the bed frame. She opened the dresser and still found her hair brush, some hair pins and ribbons she used when her hair was long. Her remaining clothes left untouched and now cold to the touch.
Mike showed up at the door watching her going through her old life.
"This is my room. Well, was." she introduced him to her old room with a sad smile.
He was about to joined her inside the room when there was a knock on the front door. Nanaba closed the drawers and went to the front door to see who's coming. It was her childhood friend and her mother, they lived next door and was curious when they saw her house's front door open so they went in to see who's inside.
The mother daughter duo invited them both to have lunch at their place, Nanaba couldn't say no when the mother took her hand in hers and with teary eyes insisted that she accepts her invitation. The mother told her everything that happened in the village after she left, about her father until the day he died. He just dropped dead on the field without any signs of illness before. She admitted that Nanaba's father was not an easy person to deal with and that she was glad that Nanaba found the courage to leave and not stuck in the village like her mother. She also said that she never blamed Nanaba for never coming home for five years. She informed her that her father was buried next to her mother, just in case Nanaba wanted to make a visit.
They parted when it's time for mother and daughter to go back to the field. Nanaba went back to her house and as they sat in the kitchen in silence, Mike offered her the idea of visiting her parents' grave. Nanaba just nodded and soon they both leave the house to the village cemetery.
Entering the cemetery gate, Nanaba remembered the day she set her foot on this place, at her mother's burial. She remembered she barely able to see her feet because her tears was constantly flowing from her eyes, her friend and her mother on each of her side, holding her hand so that she didn't fell. They went to the right side to get to her mother's grave and as Nanaba stood in front of her mother's grave, she felt like this is the first time she saw it. The headstone was the same, she knew that, but something felt different. Then, she saw to the left, a new headstone, with his name, birth date and death date. Ah, yes, she remembered now. Her father is buried next to her mother. Inside, she wept for her mother one more time. She was free from him for five years, now, he's back by her side.
She kneeled down even though she didn't know why. What should she do now? pray? pray for what? pray to whom? so, she just plucked weeds around her mother's headstone, tidying the area a bit. She stopped when she felt a sting on her finger, apparently there's a cut there from the grass blade. That's what you get from plucking it with bare hand, she thought.
"Here, for your mother's grave," Mike handed her a handful of wild flowers he picked from the bushes nearby.
She took it and placed it upward on the headstone.
"It's getting dark, I think we should go back to the house to lock up and return to the inn." Nanaba suggested.
*****
At the inn, as they ate dinner, Nanaba broke the silence.
"Sir, I'm sorry I haven't been a pleasant company and I'm sorry you have to involved yourself in this," She apologized to him.
"Not a problem. Really," Mike gave a short assuring answer.
He just realized that she always apologized first every time she started conversation. He doesn't like seeing her like this. She was a different person. Nanaba that he always knew was always happy looking, smiling and eyes full of life. He loved the way she laughed at Hange's antics. He loved her lively eyes even on difficult training session, even on expedition where each time they would return home with cart full of dead comrades. He knew she grieved for them, cried for them, he knew she felt the sadness of loosing her comrades but, not like this. Now, she's just, broken.
"I'm done here. I'm going to go back to my room now," Nanaba excused herself to return to her room to rest.
"Okay, I'm gonna stay here a while." he replied.
He stayed at the diner to have some more drink. Soon, he even found himself tangled in a conversation with the local men, mostly farm and field workers, when he mentioned what brought him to this little village. From them he got another piece of the story to Nanaba's father. The men said that he was always been a difficult person to deal with. Even the men said sometimes he frightened them and the abuse his wife received almost on daily basis were public knowledge but, no one, not even the men, ever dared to intervene. It was always seen as a private matter between husband and wife.
Mike listened to everything. He never thought someone who shines so bright like her could have such a dark past. It was also rather scary to think someone would shine at her brightest in the Survey Corps than in a peaceful village like this.
Finally Mike decided to go retire for the night and bid his leave to his table mates.
Their rooms were next to each other and he decided to check up on her to see if she's alright. As he was about to knocked on her door, a servant girl passed by, interrupted him.
"Oh, Sir. The woman occupying that room is not in there, she left around thirty minutes ago,"
"Do you know where she's going? Did she tell you anything?" he pressed her for more information
"No, Sir. She was only asking if the inn would still be open if she were to return around midnight, and then she left."
Mike thanked her and went outside. Even though he's not sure if she would be there, he has no other option.
*****
From afar he could see a faint of light coming from the inside of her house. The sky is pretty clear that night, stars are beginning to show and the crescent moon appeared bright. The village is really lovely, how he wished he could be with her here in a different circumstances.
The front door was only half closed and he could hear things being moved around. He stepped inside the house when a loud bang heard from her room. He rushed to the room as another wooden crate hit the wall, narrowly missing him. Nanaba was at the corner of the room bending over piles of old things, digging through it. Mike looked around to see that the room are in a mess. Drawers opened, chest content spilled on the floor, mattress halfway down the floor, things scattered all around the floor.
Nanaba still throwing things she got hold of on her hand, soon Mike realized, she wasn't looking for something, she was throwing things around out of anger.
"Nanaba," He made a step closer, calling her carefully.
She stopped for a while without looking back but continued her throwing things around. He came to her and grabbed her arm. She pushed him away but he stayed still.
"Nanaba, come on. Pull yourself together, soldier." he commanded her.
She turned and screamed at him, "BACK OFF! Do not use that on me right now! We're not on duty and you're not my superior officer!"
Her face was red and wet with tears, body trembling, holding back anger. Then, she went back rummaging through stuff in the corner.
Mike waited for a couple of seconds and stepped a little closer, slowly approaching her, pulling her away from the corner. This time she let herself being led away from the dark corner and after a few steps dropped to the floor in his arms.
She screamed out her frustration as loud as she could, emptying every single drop of tears she had. Mike didn't say anything, all he can do now to held her in his arms. Letting her know that she's not alone and he will always be here for her.
*****
The room was finally silent as Nanaba seemed to have fallen asleep, exhausted. Mike moved slowly, maneuvering himself so he can got up and carry her out of the room. Lifting her up slowly as to not awakened her, Mike went to the next room, lay her on the bed, removed her boots and covered her with a blanket. He sighed and went to the kitchen area where he found a water jug and a cup and drank half of it, keeping the other half for her in case she woke up and need water.
After locking the front door and windows, Mike went back to the room with the jug and cup, setting it on the bedside table. He looked around the wooden chest in the corner to see if there's any spare sheet and blanket for him to use. Founding one, he threw the sheet on the floor and lie down on it.
*****
Nanaba opened her eyes to the dark room, blinked several times to adjust her eyes to the low light in the room, the only light coming into the room was from outside, the sky was so clear that even a crescent moon provide light to the dark room. She took a deep sigh when she realized that she was lying on her parents' bed and her brain replayed everything that happened the past two days. She sat up and sit on the edge of the bed, looking around the room when tears started to fall down again, she rubbed her eyes hard, groaning in frustation, hating the fact that she's crying again.
"Nanaba," Mike called her.
She look to the floor where Mike was apparently sleeping.
He immediately got up and go to the bedside table to pour her some water. "Here, drink some."
Excepting the cup with trembled hand, she took deep breaths before proceeding to drink the cup one gulp at a time. He sat next to her, waited until she finished her cup and put it back to the bedside table. Nanaba looked at him and thanked him. When another drop of tear fall, he quickly wiped it with his thumb.
"It's gone, Sir. My mother's belonging. He threw them away. Not a single thing left." Nanaba told him with trembling voice, hiccuping between wiping her eyes.
"Why did he do that? Why did he hate her so much? What did she do that made him hate her like that?" Nanaba stared at him asking these questions.
She looked so broken, eyes red, face swollen after crying that much. Mike didn't have the answer for her questions so he went forward and hugged her. She responded back, holding him as hard as she could. She needed him as an anchor right now. As she continued her story, he tucked her head under his chin, making sure she felt safe and protected. She held on to him so hard he can feel her nails digging to his waist while her other hand clutching on his shirt front. She was so devastated and now she had stopped talking and just silent crying after finishing her story.
Mike slowly lowered himself to lie on the bed, taking Nanaba with him. Hoping the change of position will comfort her more, so that she can go back to sleep, he knew she needed that the most after this long day. Slowly, the crying sound completely stopped and when Mike took a peek, Nanaba was fast asleep.
*****
Mike woke up to the sound of rooster crowing outside and he could ray of light peeking through the clouds in the sky from the window. He jumped up when he saw the other side of the bed was empty. He went outside of the room and saw Nanaba in the next room, tidying things up. He wondered, when did she woke up and how he didn't sensed it. Apparently he was quite tired too, more than he thought he was.
"Good morning, Sir. I'm just going to put these outside for the garbage collector," she greeted him as she pass the doorframe with box full of things. She went outside of the house to add those to the pile of garbage she already made outside the fence.
"You can wait a bit in the kitchen, I'm just going to tidying things up a little bit more."
"Do you need any help?" Mike offered.
"No, it's really just a little bit more and then we can go back to the inn for breakfast."
After making sure all windows and doors locked, they leave the house. Nanaba made a quick stop to her friend's house to bid her goodbye and promise to make another visit in the future.
"Sir, thank you for your help these past days. Apparently you're right, I do needed company," Nanaba thanked him as they walked back to the inn, looking a lot happier and lighter than the days before.
Mike smiled, "Not a problem and you're welcome. So, what are you going to do about the house?"
"I supposed I would have to make routine trips back here. I'm gonna set the house for proper living again, because now, I have a home to come home to now."
THE END.