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“I'm really sorry that I asked you to meet me after work like this, Jaehyun. But I thought all those things inside the box are yours, from Doyoung… You need to see it yourself.” the short haired woman said, her warm and delicate hands wrapped around the young man's big hand as if she's trying to give comfort for her child's lover.
Jaehyun didn't give an immediate answer. Instead of that, he just stared blankly at the big box next to two glass of hot drinks he ordered right after his supposed-to-be mother in law arrived. It was not because he wanted to refuse the gift, he just didn't know whether his heart could bear more pain or not. It has been a week since they held his boyfriend's funeral, and seven days since he lost his will to keep on living.
He just wanted Doyoung back, not only his belongings.
“Alright, Mom. I will bring this to my apartment, thank you so much.” Jaehyun replied and gave all of his attention to the beautiful woman in front of him. Although it was a bit painful because Doyoung resembled his mother quite a lot, he tried his best to put a smile on his face so Mrs. Kim wouldn't cry again.
Both of them just stayed in silence for almost thirty minutes, accompanied by classical music which blasted through the shop's speaker. Then they parted ways after Gongmyung, Mrs.Kim's eldest son, came to pick her up. Asked each other to maintain their health, and promised each other to meet again someday if possible.
With that, Jaehyun took the box with him and he went back to his apartment which was quite far from the meeting point since the coffee shop is much nearer to his boyfriend's place.
*******
As soon as he arrived at his place, Jaehyun took shower and changed into pajamas. He placed the box on his bed and then he rested his back on the wooden headboard, both legs tucked under the comforter. After the man went through many contemplations, he reached for the box and opened it slowly so he could prepare his heart to see what his late boyfriend had prepared for him.
The first thing that caught his attention was the bunny ears headband he got for Doyoung when they visited Lotte World amusement park as per Doyoung request, almost three weeks after he got discharged from hospital. The older man was really against it, but Jaehyun successfully convinced Doyoung that lunch and dinner are on him if Doyoung wears the headband all day long.
Jaehyun let out soft chuckles and he placed the bandana back inside the box. Then, among all things Doyoung saved, he landed his hand on a journal book. He has never seen this plain blue coloured cover book before and the idea of his late boyfriend used to write a diary is so intriguing that he opened the book right away without putting many thoughts on it.
Day 1
2020/04/15
I finally woke up from this long dream.
I was so terrified. I was alone.
And all I could think about is my family and Jaehyun.
‘They must be so shocked because I got involved in a car accident.’And then, I found him. I made a promise.
I won't regret it.
I will overcome this.P.S: My bro thought something's wrong with my head because he couldn't believe it when I asked him to buy me this book and pen.
P.S.S: But the most shocking part is the fact that I've been asleep for almost two weeks… my body hurts so much.
P.S.S.S: But the positive thing is I got myself a boyfriend hihi.
P.S.S.S.S: Damn, my handwriting is a mess now.
Jaehyun couldn't understand the last part. Doyoung met someone in his dream? What promise did Doyoung make?
As his curiosity grew, he turned to the next pages—which were mostly about what his boyfriend had done those days. The only thing he noticed was Doyoung's handwritten which got better day by day.
Day 14
Jaehyunie made dinner for us.
I told him my fried egg is way better than his but he couldn't accept it and told me that my fried egg is not as moist as his.Ha, moist my ass. It's fried food! How is it supposed to be moist…
(We had few talks which made us fight each other.)
He cuddled me on the sofa afterwards as if we didn't try to kill each other a few minutes ago. This big baby @@ how could I leave you alone in this cruel world…
Day 26
We visited Lotte World heheh
It's my dream to have an amusement park date even if I'm afraid of those scary rides.
Seems like Jaehyunie enjoyed them a lot (or maybe he was amused by my reaction..@.@ I will forgive you because I'm happy as long as you feel the same.)I feel like my tummy is going to explode because he fed me a lot of delicious food. Thank you, Jaehyunie!
Day 77
I enjoyed my time.
But sometimes,
Sometimes I feel like I get trapped in it,
Sometimes I also feel like I'm being chased by it.Maybe Jaehyunie noticed something has been bugging my mind for days. Thus, he brought me to Busan so I could forget it for a while.
The sunlight was (really) warm
Luckily, the breeze was quite strong this afternoon.
And from the way Jaehyunie smiles,
I think he was trying to tell me that everything's going to be alright.We both came to the seaside, holding hands as we walked.
Jaehyunie found a baby crab and he offered himself to catch it for me.
I don't know what his purpose was to catch the poor baby crab but I told him to get it.In the end, he couldn't catch the crab and seems like it hurted his pride kkkk
Ah, I really love this man so much.
Day 143
Summer is coming to an end.
When summer ends, autumn comes.
When autumn leaves, winter greets.
And then spring will visit once again.When I woke up from a coma, it was spring.
I feel like I've been reborn alongside those trees and flowers.
Trying to live our life once again.The temperature then gets hotter day by day.
I used to hate summer the most
But now I even cherish it's scorching heat
Trying to live my life to the fullest.When the autumn comes,
The leaves will start to change their colour and eventually fall to the ground
I might also start to fall into pieces.When the winter comes,
Those beautiful plants will start to wither and eventually die
I might also need to prepare for an end.
After he read the 143rd page, Jaehyun began to question himself—why his late boyfriend wrote the diary as if he was prepared for another goodbye? As if Doyoung had envisioned the future, the future without him in it. What was wrong with them? What happened to Doyoung?
Day 201
Jaehyunie is busy these days…
I miss my big baby hing ㅠㅠ
But I can't ask him to play with me because I know he is already tired enough with his work.
So I just spent my leisure time reading this diary from day one to yesterday's because everything feels new to me.
I'm glad I spent those days with my beloved.
Day 214
It's already winter
The day is starting to be shorter and night becomes longer
I only sleep when the sun shines and awake when darkness greets me.
Why am I like this?I promised myself that I won't fall in despair and I will live my life to the fullest
But why am I doing this? Why am I withdrawing myself from the others?
I don't take this life for granted but why am I wasting my time to be pathetic like this?Kim Doyoung, please pull yourself together. Don't be like this.
It reminded Jaehyun about when Doyoung asked for some time to be alone and at that time he didn't question it at all.
If it's what Doyoung wants, he will give it. It has always been like that.
Jaehyun checked his phone because he lost track of the time. Surprisingly, he nearly spent two hours just for Doyoung's diary only. His late boyfriend never missed a day, and every page consisted of interesting stories as if Doyoung was trying to pour his whole day's activities into one page.
Day 292
It's my birthday today~
My friends gave me various gifts.
Jaehyunie gave me a bottle of expensive wine (he said) even if he knows that I don't like it when I get something perishable as birthday gift (this brat!).
It tasted sweet and really aromatic, indeed.Of course I sulked a lot
But in the end he gave me a pair of sneakers
There's a saying that goes something like: if you give your lover shoes as a gift, they will run away from you.
He said he wants me to run away with him, to somewhere far, far away from here.
So I told him that he still needs to work his ass off to take us to somewhere far from Korea.
Day 305
My baby peach is one year older today.
I cooked for him and made a lot of side dishes so he can eat them in the future.
Wow, Jaehyunie. You're so lucky.
Your boyfriend is so good looking, and on top of that he can cook~
I think I'm really sexy hihi.I'm kidding. We both are lucky to have each other.
Day 365
2021/04/15
It's the beginning of spring and...
It's our first anniversary today!!! @@
So I took Jaehyunie to the beach even if it's still a bit freezing.He looks so radiant underneath the midday sunshine
When I saw his big smile as he played with water, I held my breath, and I told this to myself: I want to bring this memory with me. I want to cherish this moment forever.
Can I buy more time to be with him, once again?
Jaehyun's eyes started to get wet from holding back his tears. He bited his lower lip hard as he turned to the next page. Actually he was hoping to find a blank page, but instead he found Doyoung's last writing.
To: Jaehyun
Hi, Jaehyunie.
I wonder when will you get to read this book…
Maybe a week? A month later?
I hope my mom will clean my place as soon as possible so she can give it to you.Let me tell you the truth I've been hiding since I woke up that day…
I begged for one more year.
I begged for life once again.
I begged so I can be with you this time.
Of course it's not for free heheh…
He said I can have one more year if only I live my days with no memories of yesterday.
I said yes.
I can do anything just to be with you.That's why I've been keeping a diary so I can remind myself what I have done. To remind myself about our beautiful memories we made together.
I'm sorry, Jaehyun.
I'm sorry that I was not a good boyfriend for you
I'm sorry that I lacked a lot
I'm sorry that I had to leave you alone.I'm so thankful to have you
Thank you for being my light
Thank you for accepting me as who I am
Thank you for loving me with all of your heart
Thank you for being my warming home.I hope you won't resent me for this. I hope you will only think about our beautiful memories. I hope you will live your life to the fullest even after I left you. I want you to be happy, Jaehyun. I need you to be happy and live well in the present and the future without me in it. You can do it, right?
I love you. I love you so much.
Sorry for not saying this sooner.
Kim Doyoung.
He thought he didn't have any tears left after Doyoung's funeral last week. He thought he spent all of his tears and he wouldn't cry again.
Tears overflowed and dripped down to his cheeks and fell to the last page Doyoung wrote. He clutched on his chest as if it would lessen the growing pain he was feeling.
That night, Jaehyun cried his heart out to sleep. He sobbed all alone as he resented himself because he didn't know what his boyfriend had been through for the past year. He would have helped and spent all of his time with Doyoung had he known that his lover suffered a lot and their time is limited.
&&&&&&&&&
“Die? Hell no! I don't want to die yet. Not until Jaehyun becomes my boyfriend!”
Donghyuck, the grim reaper who got assigned to escort Doyoung's spirit to afterlife let out a harsh sigh. He has been doing this kind of work for two decades already but he thought Doyoung is the most stubborn spirit he ever escorted throughout his career as grim reaper with the highest rate of success.
“You hear me. I won't leave.” Doyoung repeated his words and crossed his arms over his chest. He really looked like a child who wouldn't move even a step before he got what he wanted.
“For someone who is on the verge of death, you sure are so loud and stubborn. If you want something, don't you at least need to get on your knees and beg me?” Donghyuck stood with arms on his hips, then he clicked his tongue.
The taller man was silent for a few moments and then suddenly got on his knees.
“Please let me live. There are so many things I need to accomplish in my life. I can't just go like this.”
“You mean you want to have a boyfriend named Jaehyun before you go to hell?”
“Yeah that's also one of my—HEY I'm a decent man why would I go to hell?”
“Anyway, you can't. It's already written on your life chart, you will die at 24 and that's all.” Donghyuck tried his best to keep his poker face.
“Please… help me just this once…”
Doyoung changed his manner. He looked at the grim reaper with his glassy almond eyes, “Give me some time to accomplish my dreams first. At least one year. Please… I beg you. I really can't leave like this…”
“One year?”
“Up to five years is better.”
“This ungrateful bi—”
“Alright, alright. One year will do. Please, I beg you.”
Once again, Donghyuck let out a sigh, “Okay. But I'm not giving it for free.”
“What do you want? Do you want me t o kiss your shoes?”
“That couldn't make for the extra time you get…” the grim reaper smirked, “I will give you one more year to live only if you live your days with no memories of yesterday. Deal?”
Doyoung almost cursed the man who wore all black from head to toe, but he restrained himself from doing so. He needs to live.
“Yes. I will take it.” He answered with determination in his voice and his face.
Anything. He will do anything just to be with Jaehyun, the man he has been in love with these past years.
&&&&&&&&