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Ever since Minamoto Seiichirou was a boy, he had wondered what it would be like to be like everyone else. To be like the kids who would wrestle each other in the grass without fear of being reprimanded by their father for being irresponsible for having a single off wrinkle in his clothes. He wonders how it would of felt to also have the toys to play with that they had instead of books to read.
Seiichirou understood from a young age that he had to force himself to be strong. He would hide any pain he felt from scrapes and bruises gained from tripping over rocks or legs. He would keep his face neutral from any taunts thrown his way. In all essence, he behaved like the perfect child: doing his homework and chores without having to be told, never asking for anything, never complaining, never talking back.
Even though it makes his parents happy, he thinks it had a different effect on his brother; sometimes he would catch him looking at him with a sad look on his face.
His early childhood experiences have cursed him with a surprisingly low self-esteem. When he thinks he’s at fault, he really does think he’s at fault and can’t really understand why someone else would say otherwise. He’s quick to apologize. He’s quick to take the blame he thinks his involvement was the main reason for anything going wrong.
But all of that, it paid off the first time he went to Sanrio Puroland. When he held Cinnamoroll’s warm hand.
Ever since then, every year, he’s only asked for one thing: an annual pass to Sanrio Puroland. It’s strange and weird that the only thing that can truly calm him down and make him happy in an instant. It’s only there that he allows himself to let his guard down, in a place where nobody knows him. He can bow his shoulders and hang is head. He can talk to people with the same interest in the sanrio characters as he does, none of them judging him because they are the same. Even now when he’s gotten real friends in Kouta, Yuu, Shunsuke, and Ryou, he still can’t find himself to really let himself be in their hands. Even when they taught him how to rely on others to let himself be more free. Even when he got Ryou to love sanrio again and helped Shunsuke put his trust in his teammates. When he helped Kouta get his confidence back again with the play.
Even with all of that… there’s still that darkness in the back of his mind that makes anxiety rush through him. He hasn’t done enough. There’s so much left to do. What if they don’t know how to do this? What if they mess that up? What if they try to compensate too much for his absence? What if he was needed? What if something happened? What if what if what if- it seems to be the most often repeated phrase in his head. There’s so many things he could be doing. He doesn’t need to relax. He doesn’t need to waste time. He needs to be productive. He needs to be useful. His absence puts less stress on himself but more on others. His presence puts less stress on others but more on himself. It’s a horrible cycle.
He’s gained his parents full trust. So one day when he wakes up sick and goes to breakfast and doesn’t talk as much as he usual does to hide the slight rasp that likes to pop up when he falls ill, they don’t ask him about it. He’s lucky his brother is back at university- he definitely would of seen through his mask.
It doesn’t help that it’s winter. Seiichirou immune system had gotten weaker in the past year with the stress he’s put on himself. And the wintertime just makes it even worse.
He holds back his sneezes on the train ride to school, watching the cityscape pass outside the windows. His grip feels weak, joints strange when he tries to tighten his grip on the handhold.
Upon arriving at school, he gets changed for morning kyudo practice. It’s takes a great deal effort to not let his arrow randomly fly when he tries to hold back a sneeze. His arrows hit bullseye and around the area. Acceptable enough to not arouse any suspicion that anything is wrong.
One by one, his friends arrive to watch through the fence. Kouta comes first, then Yuu comes running with Shunsuke on his tail. Yuu barely comes later than them, only a minute later. All of them are bundled up warmly in their winter uniforms, jackets and mittens on. Seiichirou feels a flash of longing as he lets go of his arrow, finger tips starting to go numb even under the leather on his fingers and arm. The arrow hits bullseye because of the jolt that runs through him due to the suppressed cough. His nose is runny but he refuses to sniffle right now.
Practice ends and he quickly gets changed, putting on his uniform and blazer, the only thing protecting him from the cold, slipping his outdoor shoes on before exiting to greet the four.
“That was so cool!” Kouta says. “It’s still so amazing when I see those arrows strike bullseye.”
“And you look so calm too” Yuu adds, resting an elbow on Shunsuke’s shoulder.
“Good morning to all of you too” he says, patting Ryou’s head since he was the only one who hadn’t spoken yet. The boy ducks out after one pat but there’s a smile on his face. He guesses it’s also a good thing that he’s a second year, since they are the same age. But because of him being the class president and also being in the college prep class, he won’t have to run into them that often. He sometimes thinks what will happen once they go to college. He doesn’t know what that might do to their friendship, but he hopes it never fades.
After talking for a little bit, they head to the locker rooms and change their shoes before heading off to their respective classes. While walking up the stairs, Seiichirou feels a bit dizzy all of a sudden, but he shakes it off before continuing his way up.
As the teachers rotate classes, Seiichirou finds himself becoming more tired. During the student council meeting, he doesn’t talk as much as usual, allowing his vice to take the lead.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. He finds himself being unable to hold back coughs and sneezes at times. Everything feels so hot and he has to hold back the urge to take off his blazer and hang it off the back of his chair like he’s seen others do.
After class ends, he goes to the student council room to relax for a few moments. After he thinks he’s gatherer enough energy to walk to the train (there’s no way he’ll be able to go to club today) he heads to the staircase. He makes it down most of the steps until a dizzy spell hits him. He stops, hands gripping for the railing, but they’re too cold and too smooth, hands slipping. The world turns as he falls down the last few steps, shins metal, hands scraping harshly against the ground as he sloppily tries to break his fall. He hears his bag thump next to him as he lays there, suddenly so so so cold with stinging hands and a pulsing head and running nose and aching throat. He hears a phone ringing and a slight vibration in his pocket.
Everything turns black.
“He’s not picking up?” Yuu raises his eyebrows at Kouta. The boy shakes his head, flipping his phone shut before pocketing it. Since Shinzuke’s soccer practice got cancelled today due to their teacher representative falling sick and being unable to supervise them, they had all decided to go to a cafe for warm drinks and to get some studying done together since it’s so cold. They also noticed that Seiichirou seemed to be not in a good mood, but not necessarily bad. More like he seemed tired like something.
And none of them like seeing Seiichirou tired. None of them. The last time Seiichirou had seemed like how he was today, he had to go the nurses office. But he seemed fine when they had lunch today, if not a bit less talkative.
“He’s probably in the student council room” Ryou offers. “Is there anything coming up?”
“There’s a practice match next week” Shunsuke replies. Yuu elbows him.
“Not soccer!” Yuu lightly scold. He adjusts his hair. “Now, come on. Let’s see if there’s anything we can help President with.” They walk from where they stationed themselves by the front of the school, Yuu smiling and waving at giggling girls who gazed at them while they walked by. They just had to pass the building where their classrooms classes-
“Hey, there’s someone passed out by the stairs.” Kouta points out. “We should see if they’re alri-” he cuts himself off, eyes widening and jaw dropping. He stops. Yuu gives him a puzzled look and Ryou kicks the back of Kouta’s calf, since the break caused him to run into him.
“Hey, wha-”
“It’s Seiichirou” Kouta breathes. But before he could start moving, Shunsuke has already broken into a run, racing to the base of the stairs. It was so much like the first time they had watched Seiichirou pass out. It had been sudden. But this time, they hadn’t been there. They knew something had been off about Seiichirou but they had passed it off as being nothing.
By the time they catch up to Shunsuke, the soccer captain is turning Seiichirou onto his back. His skin, even in the cold, is coated in sweat, hair plastered to his forehead. His mouth is slightly parted, breathes fast and shallow. His hands are coated in red, blood staining the concrete.
“Should we take him to the nurse’s office?” Ryou asks.
“No” Shinsuke grunts, easily lifting the teen off the ground after passing his own and Seiichirou’s bags to Yuu and Kouta to carry. “He’s sick. His parents will have to pick him up. That’ll take too long.”
“We can walk to my and Shunsuke’s apartment complex- it’s the closest.” Yuu offers. They all nod in agreement. They help Shunsuke position Seiichirou so it looks like he fell asleep while being carried on Shunsuke’s back.
It takes them a good half an hour to reach the apartment complex. Some people cooed at the sight of Shunsuke carrying Seiichirou, probably taking it a different way than what actually happened. When they finally reach Yuu’s place via elevator, they all work together to take care of Seiichirou, Yuu getting stuff for the fever while Kouta worked on getting his shoes off and getting new clothes for him. Ryou used Seiichirou’s phone to text Seiichirou’s mother, asking her while pretending to write like Seiichirou does to the best of his ability if he can sleep over as a friend’s house because they plan on studying late. She sends a text of approval minutes later. Shunsuke, meanwhile, takes care of cleaning out the scrapes on Seiichirou’s hands of any gravel or dirt that got in before bandaging them.
Seiichirou’s fever gets bad. It takes Yuu’s sister two seconds of looking at Seiichirou in his pitiful state before going with her brother to help make dinner. They all texted their parents and got approval for a sleepover. They wouldn’t of slept if they had left Seiichirou alone in this state, even though Yuu is there.
He wakes up twice. The first time he’s delirious, eyes open and sluggishly blinking, random words coming out of his mouth before he went back to sleep. The second time he was coherent but shivering and miserable, only able to eat some of the soup before he went to sleep again. His fever crawled, less than a degree away from reaching temperatures which would require a hospital or a doctor before it breaks and lowers half a degree.
None of them slept that night, running around and sitting and watching and doing their best to keep Seiichirou comfy, giving him the necessary things to fight off the cold.
The next day is saturday. They’re all sleep deprived but more than happy when Seiichirou finally wakes up at four in the morning with his fever reduced to mild.
“Hey, morning sleepy-head!” Yuu chirps. Shunsuke helps him sit up and Ryou passes him a glass of water. “How are you feeling?”
“Horrible.” He rasps before greedily sipping the water. They all relax. He’s actually awake this time. “I...fell? And soup?” His brow furrows with obvious confusion. “What happened?”
They explain to him what happened. By the end of the story, his eyes are closed. He nods.
“Okay.”
“Okay? Only okay!?” Ryou screeches. “Senpai, you need to trust us! We’re your friends! It was so scary, seeing you passed out like that.”
“Were you feeling ill the whole day? You should of told us! We would of helped.” Kouta states. Seiichirou’s lip quivers before it curves into a small smile. He looks down at the blanket in his lap.
“I’ll make sure to tell you next time. I just wasn’t sure if I should of.”
“And how long have we been friends for?” Yuu taps his foot. “Months!” He throws his hands in the air. “Trust us, Seii-kun. We’re all here because of that anyway. We haven’t left you or done anything bad before- we aren’t going to do any of that stuff anytime soon, or ever.” The rest of them nod in agreement. “So trust us- just relax, and let us take care of you for a little bit longer.”
Seiichirou closes his slightly parted mouth and nods. “I believe you...thank you.”