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Ezra’s eyes were crossing as he stared down at the pages of the book that lay open on the table in front of him. He’d been at this so long that the words were no longer making any sense, no matter how many times he read them.
With a sigh, he pressed his hands over his eyes, trying to rub the weariness out of them. If he could just wake up a little bit, he could get through a couple more pages.
He focused his attention back on the book. This page didn’t seem to have any of the information he was looking for, but he forced himself to stick with it. On the off chance there was even one sentence that could help him, he was going to read every word on every page of this spellbook, no matter how many sleepless nights it took him.
Idly, not even noticing at first that he was doing it, Ezra began to run one finger along the edges of the mark burned into the back of his left hand. Even when he realized what he was doing, he still didn’t stop. Against all logic, it was soothing, tracing that burned patch of skin between his thumb and first finger, even though just looking at the brand sometimes made him want to scream just like he had when it was first put there.
The smell of his own burning skin flooded his nose, making his stomach clench and twist. He wanted to pull away and run, but he couldn’t move. He was immobilized, frozen in place by Maul’s magic. It wouldn’t hurt as much if he stayed still, Maul said. But it still hurt so much.
He screamed, the sound muffled by the rag Maul had given him to bite until it was over. The red-hot metal seared his skin until he thought he would pass out from the pain.
At the feeling of someone coming up behind him, Ezra jumped, terror zipping up his spine like an electrical current, immobilizing him. When he felt the familiar hand on his shoulder, he remembered how to breathe again. It was just Kanan.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Ezra said, nodding quickly. “Just tired.”
“What are you…” Kanan trailed off as he looked down at the book and answered his own question. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry,” Ezra said. He carefully slid the book across the table, away from him. “I – I should’ve asked first. I know –”
“It’s okay,” Kanan said, his hand gently squeezing Ezra’s shoulder. “You’re my student now. It’s just as much yours as it is mine.”
Ezra shifted nervously, his eyes fixed on the edge of the table. “I just…it’s hers, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Kanan said. Even that one lone word was heavy with pain. “It was.”
He pulled the book toward him, a finger trailing along the edge of the old, weathered page Ezra had been reading.
“But if there was anything in here I didn’t think you were ready for, I wouldn’t have kept it somewhere you could find it,” he said.
Ezra propped his chin on one hand, raising an eyebrow as he looked up at Kanan.
“That mean you have a secret stash of forbidden knowledge hidden somewhere?” he asked.
“Maybe.” Kanan’s hand moved from his shoulder to his head, gently ruffling his hair. “If I do, you won’t find it.”
Sure I will, Ezra thought. Since I’m stuck in here all day.
“What are you looking for, anyway?” Kanan asked. “Maybe I can help.”
Ezra’s shoulders slumped, his hands falling back to the table. He couldn’t get himself to answer, the words sticking in his throat as he stared down at the brand.
His teeth clamped down harder on the towel as he carefully lifted the knife away from his skin. The metal tugged at the burned flesh, the feeling almost more nauseating than the smell. He inhaled sharply as the blade finally came away. Swallowing down the tickling feeling of bile in his throat, Ezra looked down.
His eyes widened and his jaw went slack, letting the towel drop to the floor at his feet, forgotten.
The mark was still there. It still stood out stark and clean against his skin. There was no reddening, no blisters, no charring. Nothing to show that anything had happened. The skin that surrounded it was marred by the heated blade, but it was as if the brand hadn’t been touched.
Ezra slid his hands off the table and into his lap. The right covered the left, shielding the brand from Kanan’s view. Only a week had passed since Kanan found him sobbing in front of the stove, still holding the red-hot knife he’d used to try and burn the mark away. Kanan had healed the new wound, but of course, his magic hadn’t touched the brand. It seemed like nothing could.
Nothing that either of them knew, anyway.
Neither of them had spoken about the incident since it happened. Ezra didn’t want Kanan thinking he was planning to try again. He didn’t know Kanan’s reasons for keeping silent, but whatever they were, he was glad the man hadn’t brought it up. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Still didn’t want to. But for a week now, he had been poring over this book, trying to find something, anything to break the spells that bound him to Maul, and he had nothing to show for it.
Slowly, Ezra unclenched his hands, his thumb returning to the brand as he rested them on top of the table.
“I want it gone, Kanan.” He choked out the words as he let his nail dig into the skin at the edge of the brand, as if he could peel the mark off of his skin. “I just want this damn thing off of me!”
As tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, he felt Kanan’s hands on his arms, pulling him up off the chair and drawing him into a tight hug.
“I know,” Kanan said, his voice a soft, low rumble in his chest beside Ezra’s ear.
Ezra clung to him, a hard knot twisting in his throat only to unravel again seconds later. Kanan had never asked him about the brand. He didn’t need to. Anyone who lived in this city, who knew anything about the magical underworld, would know on sight what it was. Maul’s mark, burned into Ezra’s skin to show whose protection he was under. And who he belonged to.
The brand was just as much of a curse as the tattoos. Sometimes, he thought it might even be worse. He’d known from the moment they were put on his skin that the tattoos were a punishment. But Maul had said the brand was supposed to be for his protection. And Ezra had been young enough and naïve enough and desperate enough to believe him.
At long last, Ezra pulled away. The worst of the pain that ripped through his chest had eased, but a deep, dull ache still filled him up until he felt like he was drowning.
“It’s not just that.” He held his hands out, palm up, showing Kanan the tattoos that Maul had left there so long ago. “He said that he’s the only one who can undo my Binding. But I have to find another way. If he finds me, I – I have to be able to protect you.”
“Ezra,” Kanan said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I can protect myself. I promise.”
“I know,” Ezra said. “I just –” His hands dropped to his sides, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “I want him gone. He – he can’t own me anymore.”
“Listen to me.” Both of Kanan’s hands were on Ezra’s shoulders now, gripping tightly. If it were anyone but Kanan, Ezra would have spiraled into sheer panic over it. “He doesn’t own you. He never did.”
Ezra’s throat tightened at Kanan’s words. Kanan made it sound so simple, when it was anything but.
“Kid,” Kanan said. “I know how much you hate this. But please, don’t hurt yourself trying to break the Binding. He isn’t worth it.”
He knew why Kanan was saying it. He really did. But Kanan had never been through a Binding. He’d never felt the horror settle in as he realized he was helpless to defend himself against a person who was determined to cause him as much pain as possible.
“I don’t know if I can promise that,” he said, dropping his gaze to the floor so he wouldn’t have to face Kanan. “But I – I think I can promise, whatever I find, if I find anything, I’ll tell you first.”
“Please do,” Kanan said. “I don’t want to see anything happen to you, Ezra.”
For a moment, Ezra just stood there, a swirling mixture of emotions he couldn’t even name building and building in his chest. Barely even realizing he was doing it, he threw his arms around Kanan again, holding tightly as he buried his face in his friend’s chest.
“It’ll be okay, kid.” Kanan’s voice was like a distant rumble of thunder, comforting and familiar and protective. “Even if we can’t break the Binding, I promise, I won’t let him hurt you again.”
His voice held an unwavering confidence, but Ezra knew it was an act. Kanan could keep him hidden in the apartment, away from anyone who might see and recognize either him or the brand on his skin, but Maul was relentless. One day, he would find them.
And when that day came, Ezra would be powerless to stop him.