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It hurts so much. I’ve never known pain like this, it comes in pulses, almost as quickly as the blood is seeping out of me.
I won’t die. I can’t.
I’m the God of this rotten world, the one who’s bringing justice. I’m here to make it better.
I’m doing this for them.
No one can kill me. They don’t have the right. They’ll be punished for even attempting to.
Yes, I’ll find a way, some horrific painful death, they’ll regret this. They’ll see me for what I am.
Only I can fix humanity. That’s what this was all for.
Every sacrifice, every pain I endured.
I’m doing it for them.
How ungrateful are they to not see that?
Not that it matters. I will win.
I have so many people on my side. Someone will save me.
Misa, Mikami, Takada, someone.
Maybe even Ryuk; Ryuk wants to be entertained right? I can do something interesting for him, I’ll do anything.
I won’t die.
I can barely breathe, but this isn’t over yet. Someone will come for me.
Gods don’t die.
Part of me whispers that they aren’t supposed to bleed either, but I ignore it.
This won’t be the end.
What if no one comes though?
Then I realise that no one can. Misa doesn’t remember, Mikami is stuck at the warehouse, Takada is dead.
Ryuk, please say he’ll help.
I didn’t plan for this. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Ryuk can’t help either. He’d turn to dust for interfering.
I can’t die.
Every part of me is screaming that this is over, but it can’t be.
I have so much more work to do, so much to fix.
I am God.
This is all happening for a reason.
I’ll find a way, I always do.
But I can barely move, my breathing is shallow and uneven.
I can’t.
After everything, all that planning, there’s nothing I can do.
I hurt so many people, Mom, Sayu, Dad.
L.
I was convinced it wouldn’t matter, but what was it for? I can’t make excuses now.
If I die here, no one will even remember me.
It will all be for nothing. Absolutely nothing. That hurts more than the bullet wounds.
Tears build up in my eyes, but I don’t bother to wipe them away; no one can see me, and it’s not like I have the strength anymore.
Maybe if I’d killed Matsuda sooner, if I’d hesitated to kill L’s stand in, if I knew about Near.
This is all their fault.
I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to die.
I was trying to help.
I just wanted to make things better.
I should’ve killed them.
Killing them would just delay the inevitable. I’m still making excuses. That’s what I’ve been doing this whole time.
I’m supposed to be a God.
Supposed to be.
They were right. I’m no God, just a childish idiot with a superiority complex and too much power.
Who am I to decide who lives or dies?
I’m a fraud. A murderer.
I didn’t achieve anything.
They won’t remember me in a few years.
I’m so scared.
I don’t want to die.
Maybe God will have mercy on me, maybe He’ll keep me alive, I don’t care what they do to me.
I’ve never cared much for religion, but there’s a chance.
I don’t want to die, please.
Please.
Even if I pray, I doubt He’d listen.
I don’t deserve to live after everything I’ve done.
Everything hurts. My chest feels like it’s being crushed, but I can’t tell why.
Maybe a heart attack.
It’d be oddly poetic, wouldn’t it? Dying like that after killing based on my own definition of justice, but it still feels so unfair.
On a shitty staircase. It’s not exactly a beautiful location for my body to be found.
I’m so terrified, I can’t stop shaking.
I must look awful; drenched in sweat and blood, crying genuinely for the first time in years.
Ryuk laughs in the distance, and I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. It won’t make this any more bearable, but I can pretend.
I can pretend it’ll be okay.
A shooting pain goes through my chest and travels down my arm, making my breath hitch, my ears ringing.
Fuck.
Please don’t let me die, I can’t, I can’t do this.
I have so much more to do, I can’t just end it here.
Far away church bells start to ring, and I think I understand what L meant on the rooftop.
Before I killed him.
If he saw me now, what would he think?
I look pathetic.
This is it. I’m going to die.