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Kell couldn’t sleep. He lain awake; his eyes focused on the person sleeping peacefully by his side on the small bed in their cabin on the Night Spire. It was partially because of her that he hadn’t been able to rest. A few days before, they had briefly returned to the palace for a day. Kell had been ecstatic to see Rhy again, and Lila seemed to be enthusiastic to take a short break from their travels. After docking and settling in Kell’s room, she went to see Alucard. Kell hated to admit it, but he was one of her closest friends. He didn’t mean to spy on them, but he couldn’t help but eavesdrop when he heard them talk in the gardens as he was going back to the palace.
“The king wants to know your birthday, Lila,” Alucard told her.
“The king… or someone else?”
Alucard rolled his eyes. “I don’t care about these things. I’m just doing what Rhy asked me to do. He says that he wants to send you something when it’s due.”
“He shouldn’t bother, really,” she brushed the idea off, and put her hands in her pockets dismissively.
“Come on. Now you make me want to know too.”
Kell was standing behind a tree not too far from them. He saw the indecision in Lila’s eyes, as if she didn’t want to tell him. Maybe the thought of her birthday made her uncomfortable. That was probably the reason she didn’t tell him either. Nor that he asked, but he wanted to know. Damn, he should have asked her.
“It’s on the 23rd of this month,” she revealed. “I’d rather not have this information spread.”
Kell’s heart sunk in his chest. Why didn’t she want him to know? It was just a date. What could that date possibly hold? Kell didn’t know what to do. Should he ask her why? Should he buy something for her? He decided to leave them to their talking and went to Rhy. He had time to decide what to do, even if not much. The 23rd was in less than a week, and they got back on the ship on the following morning. He didn’t know if he should intrude, so he just tucked the information in his pocket and weighted in his options.
His decision-making skills turned out dull, and he ended up not doing anything. The day had eventually arrived, and all of his thinking had led him to this. He was tired but he couldn’t will his eyes to close and to embrace sleep. And to embrace Lila either, because he felt guilty that he didn’t have anything to give her, not even a souvenir from another London.
His eyelids drooped in resignation, but he told himself he shouldn’t beat himself up. He didn’t know about it, right? And if he didn’t confront her about it, she would never know he knew. How hard it was to make a decision, even more out at sea, when you couldn’t go anywhere else to think. He should stop thinking about this issue, anyway. Unless she would tell him, he wouldn’t ask.
Kell’s never ending thoughts were interrupted by Lila herself. Her hand clutched his tunic as if she wanted to drag him somewhere. He didn’t think much about that gesture. She was sleeping, and the bed on which they slept was not too large. It wasn’t unusual for Lila to snug closer to him in her sleep, and she had done it thousand times during their trip. But this time, he noticed that her lip was trembling, and her body shook with shivers. She was dreaming, perhaps. He tugged the covers over their shoulders and placed his arm behind her back to warm her up.
This didn’t stop her from saying things in her sleep. “No,” she whispered. “Don’t do it, please,” she begged, her upper lip curled and she winced as if in pain. This must have really been a nightmare, because Lila never begged, not even in her sleep. Fear crossed her features and she gasped. “It hurts,” she cried, and leaned into him.
He could feel her hand on his skin, because it had slipped underneath his tunic. She dug her nails into his flesh, but it didn’t hurt. She had also drawn blood, but Kell’s attention wasn’t focused on that. Lila’s face was damp with sweat, and he glanced down at her to see her hair plastered on her forehead. Now she was shivering even more, despite being on a set of thick covers that would have made anybody comfortable in a matter of minutes. She was sweating, and he decided that it wasn’t warmth she needed in that moment. At least not the heat a blanket could provide.
He removed the covers and wrapped his arms around her, rocking her body as if she was a little child. Lila didn’t say anything for a while, but he heard her cry, and he felt her tears wet his chest.
“Don’t go, please,” she sobbed silently, pleadingly. “Don’t leave me alone.”
He didn’t know whether she was awake or not, but he replied anyway. Maybe she would wake up if he said something. He didn’t know what to do, and felt even more helpless than he did before, when his main worry had been about her birthday.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he told her, and raked a hand through her hair, then kissed the top of her head. “I’ll always be here.”
“You promise?”
“Yes,” Kell replied. “I promise.”
She stirred in his arms after that, and lifted her chin. There was a candle on a table near the bed, and it lighted up her face. He saw the traces of fresh tears, and the confusion in her eyes.
“What… did you…” she asked, a bit groggy. She rubbed her eyes and then glanced at her hands. “Did I do… something?” she wondered cautiously. She couldn’t remember.
Kell went for honesty. “You were having a nightmare, Lila.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose and a grimaced. “Did I say something?”
“You were in pain,” he just said, and Lila replied with a sigh. “You also asked me to stay.”
“Did I?”
He nodded. “Do you want me to go instead?”
“No,” she said firmly, too quickly. He knew that it was the truth. “It was really that nightmare, then.”
“Can I help?”
Lila decided to sit, and Kell followed her, letting her lean her body against his. With his arm behind her back, they both settled against the pillows of their bed, and Lila started talking.
“I have to be honest with you, Kell,” she began. She was playing with the hem of the blanket as she spoke, and Kell thought she must be very nervous about it. He listened. “Today is my birthday.”
He feigned ignorance. “I wish I knew.”
A sneer escaped Lila’s mouth. “You’re right, I should have told you, especially considering…” she sighed, then continued, “especially after things got serious.” She didn’t say between us, but Kell knew that it was implied. They both knew that what they had between each other was a relationship based on mutual respect and trust, and also affection. “But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, because something happened on that day. Something that I can’t bear to remember.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” he told her, although he was curious.
“No, I need to tell you. I’m trying to… trust you, Kell. And I…” she paused for a moment, and he squeezed his hand on her hip. “I lost my other eye on the day of my birthday.”
“I’m sorry about that,” and he really was. He knew that if he had been the antari born in Grey London, he probably would have suffered the same fate.
“I still have a good eye, don’t I?” Lila giggled, but it didn’t look too cheerful. “That was also the day I started this life on my own.” She didn’t have to say it outright, but he understood that she meant that she was abandoned on the same day.
“When you were having the nightmare, I told you I’ll always be here.”
“That’s insane,” she grunted, as if she didn’t believe it someone would ever promise her that.
“Coming with you on this ship was insane. But I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Correct.”
“So, what do you want for your birthday?”
“I want to sleep a little more. Tomorrow we dock in a new port and we need to stock on food,” she yawned, and started sinking back on the mattress.
“Wish granted,” Kell said, then went back under the covers with her. He kissed her lips and then he finally fell asleep.