Work Text:
A yawn leaves your lips as you once again find yourself sitting in for a council meeting. You aren’t sure why you’re constantly being forced to tag along to these stupid meetings-- last you checked you weren’t even a council member. Yet, Lucifer is always insisting (more like forcing) that you come along. If you had it your way, you’d be at home taking the fattest nap of your life right now. A nap so good that even Belphie would be impressed.
And with that, another yawn leaves your lips. Someone clears their throat, and you look up to find your gaze falling onto Lord Diavolo. Oh shit , you’ve totally been caught zoning out. Lucifer is definitely going to kill you later for making him look bad. You hear your name fall from Lord Diavolo’s lips and a blush settles across your cheeks gracefully. “Had I known you were so tired today, I would have suggested the meeting be held tomorrow instead.” Now you’re blushing out of embarrassment. And terror, when you eventually look over at Lucifer. Yeah, definitely not happy.
“Wha-- of course not. I’m not tired,” maybe you should have tried harder at covering up your yawns, “just, uh,” just what? Bored? Yeah, no, that would make it worse. “I’m so excited that I keep yawning. It’s a human thing; you’ve never heard about it?” To yawn while excited? It was most definitely not a human thing, but could any of the brothers really call your bluff? Probably.
“Really?” There’s a look of surprise on Diavolo’s face, and it makes you feel just the slightest bit hopeful that he believed your lie. Lucifer looks unimpressed, however, which means he didn’t. Can’t win them all.
“Yes. It happens to me a lot. If I get really excited, I just yawn. I yawn a lot. In general, many things to be excited over.” You’re sinking into your chair as you feel Lucifer’s glare become stronger and stronger with each passing second.
“And tell me,” Lucifer says your name with barely hidden frustration, “what are you excited over?”
Shit. You should have known that Lucifer would quiz you on this. “Well,” there’s a terrified smile on your lips and the brothers are giving you curious looks, “that’s a great question. What isn’t there to be excited over?” You knew that wouldn’t fly at all. You needed to think of something. It’s as if a tiny lightbulb goes off over your head, a wide smile lighting up your features. “Why, Lord Diavolo’s birthday is coming up, right? I think that’s quite exciting! And Halloween! My personal favorite holiday, although I’m not really sure if you guys celebrate it here, but I’m still excited for it nonetheless.” This time Lucifer’s the one wearing shock on his expression, though he decides not to push the topic. You knew he wouldn’t; he wouldn’t be willing to grill you over Lord Diavolo while in the presence of the Demon Prince himself. You had never been more grateful to Satan, as he was the one who informed you of the upcoming birthday only a few days prior.
“That’s actually what this meeting was called for today.” There’s a sheepish smile on Lord Diavolo’s lips as he speaks. “We don’t necessarily celebrate Halloween in the Devildom, but my birthday does fall upon the human holiday, so we do end up celebrating the week of. It’s just slightly different.” You’re thanking every god in the skies right now for pulling you through that alive. “I only called the meeting to see if everyone was okay with the festivities that will be taking place next week.”
“Of course, Lord Diavolo. Leave everything to us, we’ll have everything planned.” There’s a tight smile on Lucifer’s lips, one that suggests that you should probably avoid the oldest brother for the remainder of the day.
🎃🎃🎃
You sat through another two meetings in the last couple of days, all of which were Lucifer and the brothers going over every last detail for Lord Diavolo’s birthday celebration. Your role, similar to Lucifer’s, was to help each brother whenever requested. Which sounded easy enough at first as you didn’t share the entire weight of their responsibilities, however, that was until all the brothers were calling you non stop because they wanted to spend time with you. While cute at first, you were starting to get annoyed.
Couldn’t they see that you had things to do too? You were already on thin ice with Lucifer since the first council meeting (the eldest even going as far to harass you each morning about getting enough sleep, should you yawn during another meeting). On top of that, you were cooking up some pick up lines for Lord Diavolo. A birthday is a special occasion, it’s another year you’re alive, which is special, right? Even if the person celebrating the birthday has been alive for thousands of years.
You’re currently deciding on what method of delivery you should do. Should you write a shit ton of pick up lines on a homemade card and give it to him? Or should you tell them to him in person? Each method had their own list of pros and cons. For example, the pro of the card would be that Lucifer wouldn’t know, and therefore he wouldn’t kill you for possibly disrespecting the future Devildom King. However, the pros for telling him in person involved seeing his reaction and his response to each one, which was a little more tempting. Another question; should you do it when he’s alone, or when he’s at his party? Could you even get Lord Diavolo alone? You nearly fell apart when you got Barbatos alone, and he’s only Diavolo’s butler.
You flop back onto your cushioned bed, staring at the ceiling above you. You watch as the blades of your ceiling fan lazily spin in circles as your mind works up the perfect birthday plan. Yes, you couldn’t just make a fool of yourself, the stakes are a bit higher this time. This wouldn’t be the same as giving one of the brothers a pick up line. Maybe you should just…
You spring out of bed the second the idea hits you. You had the perfect idea. Why not just text him a pick up line each day of the week leading up to his birthday. This way you wouldn’t have to risk Lucifer overhearing it and you wouldn’t have to worry about cornering the man. Yes, this was perfect.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” Your face turns to a scowl while Mammon spins in circles while in your desk chair. “Ya do realize this is Lord Diavolo, right? We don’t know how he’ll react to this.”
“And while that’s completely fair of you to think that,” you were too busy looking up pick up lines on your D.D.D to care about the outcome, “I know no one else is brave enough to do something like this. Come on, it’ll be great. A present he’s never received before.”
“Ya sure do have an interestin’ way of reasonin’.” Mammon knew it was pointless to argue with you. “But don’t come cryin’ to me when Lucifer catches wind of this. Your funeral, not mine. Make sure ya stress to him that I had nothin’ to do with this.”
🎃🎃🎃
MC:
Lord Diavolo, your birthday is in a few days, right???
Lord Diavolo:
Yup!
Why do you ask?
MC:
I have a unique gift idea for you!
But uh
Don’t tell Lucifer
Please
Lord Diavolo:
Oh my.
Could it be? Are you taking me out to AkuDonald’s?
MC:
w
what
Lord Diavolo:
Don’t worry, MC!
I will keep this our little secret! Lucifer won’t find out. :)
MC:
No, wait.
That wasn’t it.
I mean, I can take you to AkuDonald’s too if you want. I don’t mind.
Lord Diavolo:
It wasn’t?
Well, I hope you’re still willing to take me because now I really want some.
MC:
Is it really okay for the future King to go out like that?
That doesn’t matter. Gift idea.
Are you ready?
Lord Diavolo:
Am I ready?
Are you doing it right now?
MC:
You’re gonna be hotter than the flames on your birthday candles.
Lord Diavolo:
W
Wh
What?
MC:
I broke him.
Anyway, this is just the first of MANY. Okay???
You’re gonna get a wicked birthday pick up line every day until your birthday.
Which is only in two days.
So it looks like you’ll be getting many a day.
My planning wasn’t great; I was a little late coming up with the idea.
But it’s the thought that counts, right?
Lord Diavolo:
I’m not sure what to say…
MC:
I’ll give you one more as a parting gift.
Hey.
Lord Diavolo:
H-Hey??
MC:
I bet you’re sweeter than any birthday cake.
Lord Diavolo:
WHAT
WHAT?
MC, WHAT?
🎃🎃🎃
“Wow.” Is all that comes from Mammon as he reads through your texts. “You’re so fuckin’ dead.”
“What?” You look at the white haired demon with a frown. “But I promised him AkuDonald’s.”
Mammon shoots you a quizzical look. “As if that even matters.” A snort leaves him as he rereads the messages. “It is pretty funny though. I can only imagine how red his face was when he realized what you were doin’. And then ya left him on read! You made him text stutter and then left him on read! As if you weren’t already taking a gamble. Sheesh, what am I supposed to do with ya? Like, seriously-- who leaves the future King on read?” Before you open your mouth to comment, Mammon cuts you off. “And I can’t believe ya told him that you broke him. Ya aren’t supposed to say that to him.”
You sheepishly scratch the back of your neck. “I mean, he didn’t seem to mind that much. Hopefully. I mean, I’ll take the execution if that’s what he wants.” Mammon shoots you another quizzical look, though this time he opts to stay quiet. “The next one I’m sending is tomorrow. I didn’t have a lot up my sleeve, so if I plan it right I should have just enough leading up to his birthday. Do you want to see?”
He leans over to view the pick up lines you had saved on your phone. He presses his lips into a thin line as he reads over them. “Some of these are… brave. What are ya expectin’ to get out of that last one?”
“What do you mean?” You ask with a raised eyebrow.
“Ya really want to tell him a line like that? And ya seriously expect nothin’?”
“I figured I should go all in if I’m going to be giving them to Lord Diavolo. Besides, it’s not like anything will happen, Mammon.”
“Give what to Lord Diavolo?” A chill runs up your spine when the voice meets your ears. How was it that Lucifer scared you more than the actual crowned prince of the Devildom?
“L-Lucifer.” You turn to face the demon with a shaky smile. “Mammon and I were just talking about gift ideas. It seems that no one has thought of anything yet, so we were just throwing ideas around. Nothing serious.”
“You’re a bad liar.” Lucifer deadpans. “But I have a headache, so I’m not going to press you further. Mostly because I’m not sure I can handle whatever it is that you’ll end up telling me.” He pinches the bridge of his nose as he leans against your doorframe. “I just came to let the two of you know that dinner is ready. Come down now, I won’t be stopping Beelzebub from eating your food.”
🎃🎃🎃
MC:
Did you miss me?
Lord Diavolo:
You’re going to give me a heart attack.
MC:
What? Why?
Don’t do that.
I’d get in a lot of trouble with Lucifer for that.
Lord Diavolo:
Are you really going to send me a pick up line each day until my birthday?
MC:
Yup!
Because I know for FACT that no one else is doing this.
Right??
MC:
Diavolo
*Lord Diavolo
Crap, don’t tell Lucifer I forgot the Lord.
MC:
Wait. Answer me.
Is someone else doing this????
Or are you telling Lucifer that I forgot the Lord?
MC:
Omg.
It’s Lucifer, isn’t it?
Fuck.
What would a pick up line from him even be like?
Wait
Can you tell me?
I promise I won’t tell anyone.
Except maybe Mammon.
He reads through my texts a lot.
Don’t ask me why.
Lord Diavolo:
I--
Sorry, Barbatos needed me for something.
Did you just have a crisis?
Over me not answering?
LOL
MC:
Lord Diavolo, I need to know.
Is Lucifer doing this too?
Also I need to know if you told Lucifer about me dropping the Lord.
Lord Diavolo:
No, I didn’t tell him haha.
And why would Lucifer send me something like pick up lines?
MC:
Uh
Anyway. Are you ready?
I’m sending it anyway.
MC:
You’re so beautiful, you made me forget my bad pick up line.
Lord Diavolo:
You think I’m pretty?
I knew having that sticker made of me in the dress was smart.
MC:
o ,,,,
k
MC:
Is that the sun coming up, or is that just the birthday boy shining?
Lord Diavolo:
Oh wait, that one was cute.
MC:
I’m glad!
Tomorrow is your birthday, and naturally I only have one left.
So I suppose I’ll give it to you at your party tomorrow.
Don’t let Lucifer find out.
Contrary to popular belief, I do value my life somewhat.
🎃🎃🎃
“He said he liked it?” Mammon asks with disbelief lacing his tone. “I really thought I had seen everythin’ up until this point, but ya keep provin’ me wrong.” The two of you are crammed together at one of the many booth’s taking up the ballroom of Lord Diavolo’s castle. Everything was set up, and now you and the guests only had to wait for the birthday boy himself to arrive.
“The birthday boy has to be fashionably late. It’s like, law.” Asmodeus had said to you only minutes prior. Law of what? You weren’t sure and he didn’t specify.
“I know. I was surprised he liked them too. The first one was kind of lame, but he seemed pleased nonetheless.” If you have to admit, you’re feeling pretty smug with yourself right now. I mean seriously, pulling off pick up lines with Lord Diavolo? That has to be some kind of accomplishment, right?
“You didn’t give him the scandalous one though. Don’t tell me…” You see a look of horror form on Mammon’s face. “Ya don’t plan on tellin’ him that one in person, do ya?” You only respond with a cheeky wink. “Oh, no.” He buries his face in his hands at the thought of his favorite human dying at the hands of his older brother. What a dilemma indeed.
“Oh, yes . I already told him I’d be giving him the last one today anyway, so it’s not like he’ll be surprised. I just…” A devilish smirk appears on your lips and Mammon decides he doesn’t like it one bit. “Do me a favor?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Mammon, come on.”
“No way.”
“Please?”
“Wha-- no! Don’t give me that look! I told ya a million times that the puppy dog look doesn’t work on me!” Except that it totally does. “Okay, fine.” His face beet red with his arms crossed over his chest, he turns around in his chair so that he’s facing away from you. “What is this favor?” He already knew what it was.
“I need you to distract Lucifer for me so I can get Lord Diavolo alone.” Mammon lets out the loudest whine of his life before slamming his head onto the table. A nervous laugh leaves you when several of the guests (Lucifer included) turn to look at the two of you. “Mammon, please don’t make a scene.” You say through a forced smile.
“I’m sorry, you get to ask me to throw my life on the line so you can give Lord Diavolo a shitty pick up line, and I’m not even allowed to complain ? Did I get that right?”
“Yup.” The cheeky smile is back on your face. “Seriously though, do you think you can distract him?”
“I mean, probably. I don’t know for how long though.” Mammon’s eyeing Lucifer from where he sits, watching the black haired male converse with some of Diavolo’s well known acquaintances. “He might get suspicious the moment I start walkin’ over to him.”
“Just make sure your hands aren’t in your pockets so he can’t accuse you of stealing anything.”
“You make it sound a lot easier than it actually is.”
“I only need five minutes.” You cringe slightly when seeing the exasperated look on Mammon’s face. “Okay, maybe not even that! Three minutes; can you give me three minutes?” Mammon’s quiet for a while, the demon staring down at his hands while thinking over the entire thing.
“Alright, I can probably get ya three minutes alone with Lord Diavolo. I’m serious though, I don’t know if I can promise ya any longer.” You rest your chin on the palms of your hands while looking forward thoughtfully. That’s fine , you tell yourself. You’ll only need three minutes.
You watch as Mammon practically glues himself to Lucifer’s side the moment Lord Diavolo finished his mini birthday speech. It was definitely suspicious, but you also didn’t give Mammon specific instructions, and he was doing this for free, so you really couldn’t complain. You watch as Lucifer tries to pry himself away from Mammon, and you watch as Diavolo catches your eye and walks over to you with a wide smile as he calls out your name. “I’m glad you could make it tonight!” As if I’d be allowed to miss your birthday party , a voice in the back of your mind mutters.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You respond with a smile. “Are you ready for your last pick up line?” A wave of excitement washes over you as you rock on the backs of your heels.
“Of course. I’ve been looking forward to it all day! I can hardly wait to see what you’ve come up with.” His smile is almost blinding and you can feel your cheeks heat up. Was everyone in the Devildom this attractive? It wasn’t fair.
“Well,” you have to get this perfect, although you aren’t entirely sure why, “I noticed you had already had some of your cake.” You knew this because Asmodeus had practically sobbed over how beautiful the cake was, and Beelzebub had almost committed murder while trying to hold himself back from devouring it.
“I did, yes. You also had some.” That too.
“Well, I was wondering if your lips are sweeter than the icing on this cake, because they sure look like it. Better let me taste first and confirm.” You smile widely as you stare at Lord Diavolo. You’re extremely proud of that one and while you aren’t sure why, you had been saving it for last. You wonder if Lord Diavolo also thought it was as cool as you had. Your smile starts to fade when you feel a pair of warm and soft lips pressed against yours, a sea of gasps (and someone choking-- was that Mammon or Lucifer?) echoing around you.
Oh.
Oh.
You see your mistake now.