Chapter Text
It was 1989, and Alex was 11 when he first heard the word homosexual. He was where he always was on Sunday morning, at church, sitting in a pew and listening to Pastor Martin preach. Today's sermon was about the sins of homosexuality and The Homosexual Agenda.
He was 12 when he heard the kids at school using the words pussy, fairy, and fag to put down any boys who weren't into sports and girls. 12 was also the age when he started noticing boys. He realized the attraction he felt was the same as the other boys felt about girls. He especially liked looking at the guys in the showers after gym class. He quickly learned to hide those feelings and say things about girls that made him cringe.
His parents had given him a drum kit for his 10th birthday. He played it whenever he felt anxious or stressed. It was a great way for him to feel better. He had been playing them a lot since starting the 6th grade.
Alex didn't have a lot of male friends. Most of his friends were girls, which made the other boys jealous; little did they know. There was one boy he was friends with. Billy Martin. Yes, Billy Martin......who was Pastor Martin's son. They sat next to each other in Mrs. Swanson's English class and hung out together on weekends.
There were two weeks left in the school year, and Alex and Billy had been planning all the things they would do during the summer. Billy had been there for most of that Saturday, he had stayed for dinner, and now he and Alex were in Alex's room, sitting side by side at the foot of Alex's bed, playing a game on his new PlayStation. Their shoulders were pressed against each other and Alex thought he felt a spark. He kept losing because he couldn't concentrate on the game. He kept looking over at Billy. Billy was very cute. He had brown hair just past his ears, blue-green eyes, and freckles. Alex loved those freckles. But what Alex liked to look at the most were Billy's lips. Billy had perfect plump red lips. It was the 5th time Alex died in the game because he was staring at Billy's lips.
Billy let out a laugh. "Dude, what's wrong with you? You keep dying." Billy turned to Alex with a smile on his face. "This is the easiest part of the game!"
The kiss was a shock to both boys. Alex's lips softly pressed against Billy's. Billy pushed back immediately and, with eyes wide, yelled "Dude, what the fuck?"
Alex had never heard Billy swear in his life. "Billy.....Billy, I'm sorry, I don't-"
"Just shut up," Billy said as he quickly gathered his stuff and shoved it all in his backpack. He was out the front door in a flash.
Alex's mom appeared in the doorway. "What's wrong with Billy? I hope you didn't do anything to upset him.", "Alex?"
"Ah no, mom, He jus-just had to get home."
“Okay. You should get ready for bed soon. We have to be at church early tomorrow."
Church, tomorrow is church. How can I face him at church tomorrow? He will tell his dad and Pastor Martin will tell mom..... he thought as he fell into his bed.
He hardly slept that night. The next morning he tried to convince his mom how sick he was and he couldn't go to church.
"You can be sick after we get home. Now get up. I don't want to be late."
Church went by without any confrontations. After the sermon, as he, his mom, and his younger sister were greeting the Pastor and his wife, his mom asked about Billy.
"He wasn't feeling well this morning." Mrs. Martin answered.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I hope he didn't catch anything from Alex".
Alex froze.
Alex spent the rest of the day beating away on his drums. He was sweaty and exhausted when his mom called him in for dinner. She made him go to his room and change.
"I wish I could change." He said quietly to himself. He rest of the evening was spent in a near panic about school the next day. How would people react? Surely Billy would tell everyone what he had done. Would they call him names and beat him up, or would they just point and laugh at the "fag”? He prayed that Monday would never come. He could just die in his sleep and not have to deal with pain. He didn't get any sleep that night.
Monday morning did come, and Alex was freaking out as he stood in front of the school staring at the front doors. He moved cautiously through the doors and into the classroom. Nobody said anything hostile or threatening. He took his seat near the front and waited to see what Billy would do when he came in. Would he sit next to him, point at him and call him a fag. But when Billy did come in he was laughing and talking to a couple of other guys. He took a seat near the back leaving his usual seat next to Alex empty.
"Where's Billy?" Mrs Swanson asked as she looked at the empty seat.
"I'm here" Billy called from the back of the room.
"What are you doing back there? Your seat is up here next to Alex."
"I thought I would sit back here today. Get a different point of view." Billy said with a laugh.
“No.” Mrs Swanson said as she walked to the back of the room. She stood in front of Billy, "Get back to your assigned seat, NOW!" Billy moved quickly and took his seat next to Alex.
Billy never did look at Alex. He never said a word, which only made Alex more anxious. It was two days later and Alex couldn't take it any longer. He saw Billy sitting alone at lunch and decided he had to talk to him.
"Billy? Can we t-"
"Get away from me." Billy said without looking up.
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for..... And to thank you for not saying anything to anyone about what happened."
Billy looked up and Alex could see the anger in his eyes. "I haven't said anything yet, and I won't. But if you ever try to talk to me again or even look at me, I will tell everyone. How do you think your mom would react if my dad told her, that her son was a fag?" The words cut Alex deeply and he looked down. "Now stay away from me." Alex turned to walk away. "You're going to burn in hell, you know." Alex moved away quickly and found a secluded spot where he could have a little emotional breakdown.
Two weeks later, school was over and summer was here. True to his word Billy never told anyone about the kiss. But Alex knew it was just a matter of time.
It was the middle of June and after dinner Alex's parents told he and his sister it was time for a family meeting. Alex just figured it was going to be a discussion about their families summer vacation. What boring place were they going this year? He wondered.
"We're moving." his father said. "I've been offered, and accepted, a new job, and we're moving to California." His dad said with excitement in his voice. Alex thought he heard a quiet sob coming from his mom.
"We are?" His sister squealed. "Where daddy where?"
Alex didn't care where. It just meant a new beginning, a fresh start.
“We're moving to Los Angeles, California.
Wait. What? Alex asked himself. "Did you say Los Angeles? As in the Los Angeles where Hollywood is and all the stars live?"
"That's the one." His dad replied. His dad spent the next hour or so telling them about his amazing new job and all the sunshine in California. "No more ice storms."
"When are we moving?" his sister asked.
"Well, I start the job a week from Monday. So I'll be leaving tomorrow morning to go out and find us a home. Hopefully that won't take long."
“ Tomorrow?” Alex asked. "Can I go with you? I think I should go with you. Mom, don't you think I should go with him?"
"No Alex, I need you to stay here and be the man of the house."
"But dad I can help you find the perfect house." Alex said. His excitement growing. "Mom, do you trust dad to make that decision by himself? Do you really want to try to cook in a kitchen that dad picked?"
"Hey! I know how to pick the perfect kitchen. As long as it has a microwave.... What more do you need?"
"That settles it. Alex, you're going to Los Angeles with your father. End of discussion." His mom said with a smile in her eyes.
Alex had been nervous about flying. He brought his sticks with him, so he could drum out a beat anytime he felt anxious. That did not make the woman in the seat in front of him happy. 4 hours later they were in LA. After renting a car, Alex wanted them to rent a convertible sports car, but his dad insisted on something practical and boring. Alex couldn't get over the sunshine, the palm trees, and the traffic. So much traffic. He thought. Where are they all going? Soon they were pulling into the motel where they would be staying until they found a place to live.
That night, Alex was so excited he wasn't sure he would ever get to sleep. The next thing he knew, his dad was waking him, telling him they had to get going. They saw six houses that day, none of which were right for their family. The next morning Alex's dad had to spend the day at his new office. That meant they would have to look at houses in the evening. This left Alex alone during the day. His father left him stern instructions not to leave the motel property. "This isn't a safe place for a boy to be wandering around alone. Your mom would kill me if anything happened to you."
After his dad left for work, Alex took a couple of twenties out of the hidden compartment in his dad's suitcase, tucked his sticks in his back pocket, and made his way to the motel office to ask for directions on how to get to the beach. A couple of buses later, and he was at the pier. It was crowded with tourists and loud with the sounds of seagulls, but Alex was happy. He was just wandering around when he heard the sound of a guitar and a guy singer. He followed the music until found its source, a kid about his age, with an electric guitar and an old amp that had seen better days. The kid was good and it didn't hurt that he was also cute. After listening to a couple of songs Alex pulled out his sticks and started drumming along. He didn't realize how loud he was playing until the young singer stopped and Alex saw him staring at him. He quickly pocketed his sticks and turned to run away.
"Hey, stop" he heard the boy yell. "Dude, wait up."
Alex never looked back. He just kept walking. He spotted a booth that rented bicycles, so he decided to rent a bike and do some more exploring. Soon he found himself away from the tourists and the gift shops. He was riding through a neighborhood of little run-down houses. Stopping his bike he looked around, he felt uneasy when the door of one of the houses flew open and a kid ran out followed by an angry man.
"You get your ass back here, ya little shithead." The man yelled.
Alex watched as the boy ran down the beach until he was out of sight.
"You leave him alone." a woman called from inside the house. The man turned and headed back into the house where the yelling continued.
Alex wasn't sure what he had just seen. He had never heard people so loud. He shrugged his shoulders and continued down the beach. Soon he spotted the kid hunched over behind an old log. Alex could tell the boy was crying and his first thought was to turn around and ride back to the bike rental booth. But Alex's compassion told him this kid needed a friend and before he could think too much he was kneeling in the sand beside the boy.
“Hey. Are you okay?" Alex asked. The boy sprang to his knees and grab Alex, pulling him into a hug. Alex freaked out at first, before relaxing and wrapping his arms around him. The boy sobbed into Alex's shoulder and his tears stained Alex's pink University of Minnesota t-shirt. Soon his crying slowed, and he pushed himself back from Alex.
"Thanks Luke. You always kno---" The boy stopped, stuttered a bit and then calmly asked. "Who are you? I thought you were somebody else."
"I'm Alex, actually." Alex was surprised at the boy's reaction, he knew if he discovered he was crying on the shoulder of a complete stranger he would be more than a little freaked out. "You just looked like you really needed somebody.
"Cool, thanks, I'm Reggie."
What, what was that all about? Who were those people?" Alex immediately felt stupid for asking. They were obviously Reggie's parents or some kind of family.
"My mom and dad. They were just having another fight. The fight a lot.." Reggie replied. "I've never seen you around here before. Are you a tourist?"
"Yes and no. I don't live here yet, but my dad got a new job, and we're here looking for a house."
"Where do you live now?" Reggie asked.
“I'm from Minnesota.” Alex replied.
"Oh, so is that in Europe?"
Alex laughed until he realized Reggie was serious. "No. It's part of the US. It's in the Midwest. It shares a boarder with Canada to the north, and The Great Lakes, to the east
"That's cool. So what's so great about them?" Reggie asked.
"The lakes? I guess they're called The Great Lakes because they're so big."
“Okay. Are they bigger than the ocean?" Reggie asked.
Alex chuckled. "No, they aren't quite as big as the ocean."
"Well then, they don't sound all that great to me."
“Okay.” Was the only thing Alex could say to that.
The boys sat and talked for a while. Alex felt at ease with Reggie. They talked about everything. Well, not everything, but Alex was never going to talk about that part of his life again. That was going to stay in Minnesota and freeze. This was going to be the new Alex.
Alex jumped up when he saw the time. He had to get back to the motel before his dad got back, or he was going to be in big trouble. As he rode away he looked back at Reggie who was waving at him and thought. I'm going to really like it here!
He was able to get back to the motel moments before his dad got there.
“Alright.” His dad said, with a clap of his hands. "Are you ready to find the perfect house?"
“Yes sir.” Alex replied.
It was two days later that they found that perfect house. The offer was made and excepted, and Alex was on his way back to Minnesota to help pack up the house and head to California. The first step was to go through all the nooks and crannies and sort through everything to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. In one the nooks Alex pulled out a bass guitar he had never seen before. He asked his mom about it and she told him about the band his father had been a member of in college.
"Wait, what? Dad was in a band?" Alex exclaimed.
"Yes, he was. They never really were any good, but don't tell your dad I said that. That is definitely going in the, get rid of, pile."
"No, mom, I want to keep it. I might want to play bass someday and if we keep it you won't have to buy a new one." Alex didn't really think he would want to learn the bass, but something told him to keep it. You never know when you might need one.
The moving van was packed and ready to go. His dad had joined them, and first thing in the morning they would be off to Sunny Southern California. Alex couldn't think of anything he was going to miss about Minnesota. He was in his room waving his drumsticks in the air wildly playing his imaginary drum set, when his mom knocked on his door.
"Alex, there's someone here to see you."
Alex had no idea who it could be. His Jaw dropped and his sticks fell to the floor as he saw Billy Martin walk into his room. The absolute last person he ever thought he would see again.
"Hey Alex." Billy said nervously.
"Hey Billy. What- urm, What are you doing here?" Alex mumbled. Rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.
"Can I sit?" Billy asked motioning to a spot on the bed next to Alex.
“Ah.....Yeah, I mean, yes, please sit. Okay so, so what are you doing here? I guess I already asked you that, didn't I?" Alex could feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and a bead of sweat running down the side of his face.
Billy started "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what happened between us. I just was-"
"What? You have nothing to be sorry about. It was all my fault. I never should have kis- I mean, I know you're not gay or anything. It was just me...I was wrong to...You do know I'm moving to California tomorrow, right? So you have nothing to wor-"
Billy pressed a finger to Alex's lips. Alex stopped babbling. "I wasn't ready for you to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you so many times, but I was scared. Scared of you, scared of me, scared of my parents. I freaked out and pushed you away. Those terrible things I said to you.......I regretted immediately after I said them. My heart was telling me to run back into your room and kiss you back." tears began to fall from Billy's eyes. "To kiss you like I had wanted to kiss you so many times. But I couldn't." Billy gently placed his hands on Alex's face, his thumbs caressed Alex's cheeks, "You are so beautiful." Billy whispered. "And I treated you so awfully. I wish I could take it all back."
Alex's heart was fluttering. He stared at Billy's lips. Billy kissed him, or he kissed Billy. It was soft at first, but the passion exploded quickly, And just as quickly, It ended.
"I need to go." Billy said as he stood up. His eyes were down. "I hope you meet someone who can love you as much as you deserve to be loved." Billy's eyes were red with tears. "I hope you don't forget me. Billy turned, opened the door, and stopped. Without looking at Alex, he said, "I love you Alex." his voice breaking. And then he was gone. Gone from his room, from his house and gone from Alex's life.
Alex collapsed on his bed and cried himself to sleep.
The next morning, He was still in a state of shock. All he wanted to do was find Billy and kiss him.
The last of their belongings were packed into the car and the family was on their way to a new life in California.
That was the moment that Alex decided he didn't like change.