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Jinwoo wiped the tears away from his face, letting himself collapse back so that he was sitting on the bathroom floor rather than still hunching over the toilet. He hated himself for what he was doing; Jinwoo knew that purging was a horrible idea, and that he was likely causing himself some serious damage. But he couldn’t make himself stop.
“Hyung… are you in here?” Jinwoo closed his eyes at the sound of Junhyuk’s voice, knowing that the younger boy probably already knew the answer to that question. Junhyuk was observant, and Jinwoo knew that he had likely been paying more attention than Jinwoo had expected when they were eating lunch just a few minutes earlier. “Please say something, hyung… just let me know that you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” Jinwoo replied softly, not moving even as he heard the bell ringing to indicate that their lunch period was over and it was almost time to return to classes for the afternoon. Jinwoo had purposely chosen a bathroom that was rarely used, hoping that no one would be coming into the room until he was finished and had managed to clean up so that no one would know he had been forcing himself to throw up. But he hadn’t counted on on Junhyuk following him, even though logically he knew that the younger boy was well aware of what was going on with Jinwoo’s mental health. Jinwoo had been honest with his friends - mostly because Jinhyuk and Wooseok had assured him that Junhyuk and Dohyon would be able to handle it, and that the two slightly younger rappers would keep his secret.
“Can you open the door, hyung? Please?” Junhyuk asked softly. Jinwoo could tell that the boy had moved closer, and he took a deep breath as he forced himself to move and flush the toilet.
Standing up left Jinwoo dizzy and seeing spots, to the point that he was forced to pause for a moment before he was able to fumble open the lock and let Junhyuk push open the door of the little cubicle. “You’re relapsing?” Junhyuk asked softly, reaching out to gently fix Jinwoo’s hair.
“It’s really bad, Hyuk-ah,” Jinwoo replied, closing his eyes. He didn’t even realize that he’d lost his balance until Junhyuk caught him, taking most of Jinwoo’s weight until he opened his eyes and was able to stand himself up again.
“How long?” Junhyuk asked softly, as the bell rang again to indicate that they were now officially late for their afternoon classes.
“I don’t know…” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head. “Since we filmed everything, I think? Time has been kind of weird…”
“What do you mean?” Junhyuk asked.
Jinwoo bit his bottom lip for a moment, as he tried to figure out how to explain what he was talking about. “Time… it doesn’t really mean anything, I guess? Like, sometimes it’s like everything just drags on forever, but then other times it’s like I can blink and suddenly it’s hours later, or maybe even sometime the next day…” Jinwoo explained, hoping that what he was saying made sense. “Like, I still remember things that happened, but they’re fuzzy and it’s like I wasn’t really there…”
Junhyuk nodded, taking a deep breath. “Okay… okay, that’s not good. Have you talked to your doctors about it?” Junhyuk asked.
Jinwoo sighed, shaking his head. “I haven’t had a single appointment since Teen Teen…” he admitted softly. “The company thought it was a bad idea… that it would look really bad if it came out. So they cancelled my appointments…”
“Teen Teen…” Junhyuk began, clearly doing the math in his head. “Hyung… it’s been over a year!”
Jinwoo winced at the younger boy’s response; even though he knew logically that Junhyuk wasn’t mad at him for what was going on, he still couldn’t help reacting as though he was afraid that the boy was yelling at him. “Mianhe…” he began softly.
“Hyung… it’s not your fault,” Junhyuk replied immediately. “You just… you need help. And I don’t think that I can do anything for you with all of this…”
Jinwoo immediately shook his head, realizing what the younger rapper was implying. “The hyungs can’t know… please, Hyuk-ah, you can’t tell Jinhyuk-hyung or Wooseok-hyung that I’ve relapsed…”
“Hey… they aren’t going to be angry with you,” Junhyuk replied, shaking his head. “You know that they care about you, hyung. And they’re going to want to do whatever they can to help… that’s a lot more than I would be able to do. Plus, I think they would kill me if they found out I knew you were struggling and didn’t do anything about it…”
Jinwoo took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “What if the company doesn’t agree that I need help?” Jinwoo asked softly.
“Then fuck your company.” Jinwoo looked up at the sound of another familiar voice, surprised to see Dohyon standing just inside the doorway of the bathroom. “Hyung… if you’re relapsing, this could be deadly. If they don’t care enough to take care of you properly, then you have to terminate. Your health is a million times more important than whatever contract you signed…”
“And you could easily get signed somewhere else, if you have to terminate,” Junhyuk added softly. “You’re really talented, hyung… and you’ve already got fans. If anything, your company needs you more than you need them.”
Jinwoo nodded slowly. “I just… I don’t know how to even start…” he began softly. “How do I tell them that I have to get some help, before things get any worse?”
There was a long moment of silence, before either of the other boys spoke up. “Maybe you should ask Wooseok-hyung that question,” Dohyon suggested. “He’s been in your shoes before… I’m sure that he knows a lot more than either of us does, and you know that he would be more than willing to answer your call…”
“But he’s busy…” Jinwoo began.
“He’s never too busy for his dongsaengs,” Junhyuk replied. “Even when he was preparing for his solo, he still checked in on us regularly… and I’m pretty sure that he was doing the same for you, too, right?” Jinwoo nodded slowly, knowing that the younger boy was right. Wooseok would answer his call without a second thought, if Jinwoo could just work up the courage to actually make that call.
“Would it help if one of us called him, instead?” Dohyon suggested. “We can tell him what’s going on, and you won’t even have to talk if you don’t feel up to it…”
“I… I don’t know…” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head.
“I’ll call,” Dohyon commented, pulling his cell phone out and immediately searching through his contacts list to pull up the necessary phone number.
“Yeobosayo? Dohyon-ah, is something wrong?” Wooseok’s voice asked, after only two rings. Jinwoo took a deep breath, knowing that there was no turning back now that the younger boy had Wooseok on the phone.
“Hyung… we need help with something,” Dohyon replied. “It’s Jinwoo-hyung…”
“Is he okay?” Wooseok asked, before Dohyon could get any further into his explanation about what was going on.
“I’m relapsing…” Jinwoo replied, forcing himself to speak up enough for the elder man to be able to hear him.
“Junhyuk-ah and I are trying to help him, but we don’t really know what to do…” Dohyon added.
There was a brief moment of silence, before Wooseok spoke again. “How bad is it, Haenamie?” The older man’s voice was soft, and Jinwoo could hear that Wooseok was obviously concerned about him.
“It started when we were filming…” Jinwoo began. “At least, I think that’s when it started. Time has been kind of weird…”
“Weird… what kind of weird, Haenamie?” Wooseok asked.
“It’s hard to describe…” Jinwoo replied. “It’s like time doesn’t really mean anything. Like sometimes, it feels like time drags on forever. But other times, I blink and a lot of time has passed. Like, hours, or sometimes even whole days…”
“Aish… it sounds like you might be dissociating…” Wooseok began. “Jinwoo-yah, when was the last time you saw your therapist?”
Jinwoo bit his bottom lip, not sure that he wanted to admit what had been going on. “August. Of last year.”
Jinwoo could hear the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone line. “Before you debuted?” Wooseok asked.
“I didn’t have a choice, hyung…” Jinwoo began.
“His company cancelled his appointments,” Junhyuk added. “They didn’t want anyone to know that he was struggling… but he needs help…”
“Okay… Jinwoo-yah, can you meet me at my company building after school? Junhyuk-ah can show you where it is…” Wooseok began.
Jinwoo couldn’t help feeling a little nervous at the idea; he knew that he would likely be in trouble with his own company if he didn’t go straight to rehearsals after school. But at the same time, Jinwoo knew that this was far more important than whatever he was supposed to be doing after school. “Yeah, I guess…” Jinwoo replied softly. “I’m supposed to go to the company building to rehearse, but this is more important.”
“Okay. We’re going to fix this, Haenamie. You’re going to be okay.”
***
Being immediately wrapped up in someone’s arms the moment he walked into the TOP Media building was surprising, until Jinwoo recognized the smell of Jinhyuk’s favorite body wash. He found himself relaxing into the older man’s hold without a second thought, closing his eyes and just allowing himself to enjoy the sensation of being wrapped up in a hug by one of the few people in the industry that Jinwoo knew actually cared about him.
“How are you feeling, Haenamie?” Jinhyuk asked, letting go of him just enough to make sure that Jinwoo would be able to breathe so that he could respond.
“Tired. Kind of scared,” Jinwoo admitted. He didn’t feel a need to lie to the older man. Even though he was ashamed of himself for giving in to his illness, he knew that it was safe to be honest with Jinhyuk; the older man wouldn’t judge him, and Jinwoo trusted Jinhyuk to do whatever he could to help Jinwoo with this.
“You don’t have to be afraid, okay? We’re going to make sure that you’re okay,” Jinhyuk replied, stepping back and taking Jinwoo’s backpack from him. “Seokkie is in the car with one of our managers right now… we’re going to take you to his doctor and get you checked out first, just to make sure that you aren’t in any danger right now. Are you okay with that?”
Jinwoo nodded. “I trust you guys,” he replied.
Jinhyuk smiled at him, putting a hand gently on his shoulder before turning to Junhyuk. “Thank you, Junhyuk-ah. We’ll take it from here, okay?”
“Okay… but you’ll let me know if you need anything, right, hyung?” Junhyuk asked, smiling at Jinwoo.
“I will,” he replied, smiling back at the younger rapper. “Thank you, Junhyuk-ah. For everything you and Dohyon-ah have done for me.”
Junhyuk nodded. “That’s what friends are for, hyung,” Junhyuk replied. “I’ll see you at school.”
Jinwoo felt a little strange as Jinhyuk led him through the building and into a little parking area, guiding Jinwoo into the back seat of a van that was already turned on and waiting. Wooseok was already inside, and the singer was quick to pull Jinwoo into the seat next to him. “Are you feeling okay, Haenamie?” Wooseok asked, as Jinwoo buckled his seatbelt and Jinhyuk climbed in and sat in the row in front of them.
“I’m kind of nervous,” Jinwoo replied. “It’s been a long time…”
“It’s going to be okay,” Wooseok replied, shaking his head. “We’re going to make sure that you’re safe first, and then we’ll worry about making sure that you get the treatment you need.”
Jinwoo nodded slowly, as they pulled out of the parking area. “I’m going to be in trouble…” Jinwoo began softly.
“Better to be in trouble with your company than to end up so sick that you hurt yourself permanently,” Wooseok replied, stroking a hand gently through Jinwoo’s hair. “You need this… but I think you already know that.”
“I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to do any of this…” Jinwoo began, closing his eyes and leaning into the older man’s side. “Junhyuk-ah and Dohyon-ah said that I should cancel my contract, if the company won’t work with me on all of this…”
“Hopefully it won’t come to that… but they’re right,” Jinhyuk replied. “If they aren’t going to support you in seeking help for your mental health issues, then they’re knowingly putting you in danger.”
“No matter how much you want to be an Idol, you have to put your own needs first here,” Wooseok added. “If they won’t take care of you, then terminating your contract is the right thing to do.”
Jinwoo nodded, sighing. “It’s worse, somehow… I thought that after Produce, I knew what I was going to be getting myself into with being a debuted Idol,” he began. “On the show, I had people around me who cared about me. But I don’t really know my hyungs that well in this group… we trained together, but we’ve never gotten close. We pretend for the cameras, but I don’t really feel like I can talk to any of them about what’s going on in my head. None of them understand…”
“Have you tried to talk to them?” Wooseok asked.
“I don’t feel like I can,” Jinwoo replied.
“I think that you need to at least try,” Wooseok commented. “You can’t take this on by yourself, Haenamie. Whatever happens at the doctor today, you need more of a support system than the few of us that already know what you’re going through. Your members and your managers can be part of that… they need to be part of that, because they’re going to spend more time with you than anyone else and they’re going to be the main people you have to rely on when things get difficult. You have to have someone there you can ask for help as soon as things start to get bad, so that you don’t end up in really bad shape.”
“Could you talk to Woojin-ah, or Taeseung-ah?” Jinhyuk asked. “You’ve spent more time with them… even if you aren’t comfortable with some of the other guys, you’re pretty close with those two.”
“But… they’re only a year older…” Jinwoo began.
“And? You’ve already got Junhyuk-ah and Dohyon-ah as part of your support system… and they’re a year younger than you are,” Wooseok replied.
“But they already understood, before I told them anything…” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head. “They both know you, hyung. And they know who to ask for help, if they notice something. They pushed me to tell you what was going on… I didn’t want to tell you, because I didn’t want you to be disappointed with me.”
“We aren’t going to be disappointed in you asking for help, aegi,” Jinhyuk replied. “We’re never going to be upset with you for struggling, or for asking for help when you need it. I’d be upset if I found out that you didn’t come to one of us when you were struggling, if something bad happened to you because of it. We’re your friends, and we care about you.”
“I’m sure that your members would care, too, if you would let them in about what’s going on,” Wooseok added. “They should care. You guys are going to be spending a lot of time together, and you need to be able to rely on one another.”
Jinwoo felt sick as his phone went off, knowing that someone had likely noticed his absence already. He pulled the device out, unlocking the screen and opening his messages to see a text from Junhyung, his own group’s leader.
From: Junhyung-hyung
Hey - where are you?
The managers are getting upset that you’re late.
Jinwoo took a deep breath, before replying to the message.
To: Junhyung-hyung
I’m sorry.
There’s something I have to do, and it can’t really wait.
Jinwoo was still trying to figure out the best way to explain what was going on without having to fully explain himself over text messages, when his phone buzzed in his hand again with a message from the older man.
From: Junhyung-hyung
Are you okay?
Jinwoo took a deep breath, realizing that he needed to just tell his leader the basics of what was going on. Keeping secrets had gotten him into enough trouble already, and he would have to tell the whole group what was going on when he got home, anyway.
To: Junhyung-hyung
I have an eating disorder. Jinhyuk-hyung and Wooseok-hyung are taking me to see a doctor because I’m relapsing.
I’ll explain everything when I get home tonight.
I’m sorry, hyung.
“You okay, Haenamie?” Wooseok asked softly, once Jinwoo had put his cell phone back into his pocket. Although he knew that it wasn’t a good idea to ignore the messages from his actual members, Jinwoo was afraid to see what the leader would say in response to his admission.
“Junhyung-hyung knows…” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head. “I’m scared, hyung… I don’t know how he’s going to react. Or how the company is going to handle it when they find out what’s going on. I’m going to be in so much trouble…”
Wooseok sighed, stroking a hand through Jinwoo’s hair in an attempt at comforting him. “They are the ones that should be in trouble, not you,” Wooseok replied. “What did your parents say, when the company cancelled everything? Do they even know what’s happening?”
“I didn’t tell them…” Jinwoo replied, barely loud enough for the older man to hear. “They don’t even know that I was seeing a psychiatrist, actually. My family… they wouldn’t approve of any of this. I tried to talk to my mother about it all once, when things weren’t so bad. But she pretended that she couldn’t hear any of it, and she refused to even acknowledge that I’d ever said anything.”
“Aish… I’m sorry that we didn’t ever ask about your family before,” Jinhyuk replied, shaking his head as he turned so that he was facing them. “I think we just assumed that they would have your back. We should have made sure that you had a better support system before you had to go back to your company…”
“We’re going to make sure that you have more support this time around,” Wooseok added. “We’ll even come with you to talk to your members, if that’s what you need us to do. But we aren’t going to let this go, because we can’t let you get into this state again. Relapse is part of the process, but someone should have caught on sooner than this…”
***
Jinwoo took a deep breath as he typed his code into the door of the dorm, stepping inside and slowly kicking off his shoes with Jinhyuk and Wooseok close behind him. The door hadn’t even closed yet before Jinwoo heard the sound of someone rushing down the hall towards them, and he was suddenly being pulled into a tight hug by one of his members without really knowing who had him.
“Aish… Haenamie, you scared us so much…” Taeseung commented, before the older boy pulled back from the hug. “You’re okay, right? You aren’t hurt or anything…?”
“Taeseung-ah… let him breathe,” Junhyung replied. The leader stood a few feet behind them, watching what was going on before he bowed to Jinhyuk and Wooseok. “Thank you, sunbaenims, for taking care of him. We’re all really thankful that our Jinwoo-yah has people looking out for him, too.”
“Jinwoo-yah is like a younger brother to us, too… we just want to make sure that he’s taken care of,” Wooseok replied. “We were hoping that we could sit down with all of you, to make sure everyone is on the same page about what needs to happen in the future…”
“Of course,” Junhyung replied. “Please, come in… I’ll get the rest of the guys, so that we can talk.”
Jinwoo let Taeseung guide him into the small living room, pulling him down so that he was sitting in the elder’s lap. “You’re okay, right, Haenamie?” Taeseung asked again, as Jinhyuk and Wooseok sat down as well.
“I will be,” Jinwoo replied, biting his bottom lip as the rest of the group began to arrive in the room.
“What’s going on?” Kangseong yelled down the hall, before stopping as he came into the living room and bowing quickly at the two older men. “Mianhamnida… I didn’t know we were having visitors this late…”
“We just need to talk to you guys, before we head home ourselves,” Wooseok replied, motioning for the younger man to sit down, too. It only took a moment for the rest of the group to assemble, all silently waiting for an explanation of what was going on.
Jinwoo took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment before he spoke. “I have an eating disorder,” he admitted, keeping his eyes trained on his knees as he spoke. “Jinhyuk-hyung and Wooseok-hyung have known for a while… I admitted it to them during Produce. I was seeing a psychiatrist for a while, but before we did the Teen Teen project the managers decided that it had to stop, because they didn’t want anyone to find out…”
“Wait… that’s what was going on?” Woojin asked, as Taeseung gently squeezed Jinwoo just a little tighter. Jinwoo nodded slowly.
“You should have told us, Haenamie…” Taeseung added softly.
“I was afraid…” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head. “I didn’t know how you would react. The managers were so adamant that it would be bad if anyone else found out…”
“But you did tell people…” Woojin began. Jinwoo could hear the hurt in the older man’s voice, as Woojin eyed Jinhyuk and Wooseok nervously.
“Jinwoo-yah only told us because he caught me purging during Produce,” Wooseok replied. “I was diagnosed a year and a half before we started the show… and I had a few minor relapses because of the pressure. When I told Jinwoo-yah what he’d walked in on, he admitted to me that he was struggling with the same thing and that he wanted to stop, too. I convinced Jinwoo-yah to tell Jinhyuk-ah what was going on, too - he’s been there for me, and I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to help Jinwoo-yah on my own. We took him to the trainee managers and got them to help him get in with a psychiatrist, which is when he was actually diagnosed…”
“I’m sorry… I just want to make sure that I understand,” Dongjun commented, as the eldest of Jinwoo’s hyungs leaned forward. “So this started during Produce?”
“No… it had been going on for a few years already before that,” Jinwoo replied, shaking his head. “It’s always been worse when I’m stressed. I got pretty bad during Produce, but the last few weeks…” Jinwoo trailed off, closing his eyes and trying his best not to start crying. “It’s really been out of control. Before dinner tonight at the hospital, I hadn’t kept down a full meal in almost a week.”
“Aish… Jinwoo-yah…” Suhyun began.
“Okay. So, what do we need to do? How do we help Jinwoo-yah with this?” Junhyung asked.
“He can’t be alone after meals… at least not for a few hours,” Jinhyuk began.
“It’s harder to purge when you know you have an audience,” Wooseok explained. “Someone needs to stay with him, even in the bathroom or if he’s asleep. It’ll help you guys keep an eye on how he’s doing, so that you aren’t caught off guard by a future relapse.”
“Okay… we can do that,” Junhyung replied, nodding. “What else do we need to do to keep him safe?”
“He’s lost weight… like, a lot of weight. More than he lost on Produce,” Jinhyuk replied. Jinwoo couldn’t help trying to shrink in on himself at Jinhyuk’s words, even though he knew that his members had to know the full story. “I’ll tell you what he weighed before we leave, but not with Jinwoo-yah around. He can’t know… it could trigger another relapse, or some other dangerous behaviors that we don’t want. But it’s something that we have to keep an eye on, because he could cause himself serious harm. You’ll need to weigh him at least once a week, without letting him see the numbers, and keep track of that for his doctors.”
“And it’s important that you guys back him up when he has to stand up to the company about all of this,” Wooseok added. “Denying that he’s sick is just going to hurt Jinwoo-yah even more… the longer he goes without getting this under control, the higher the risks become. It could cause permanent damage to his heart, his teeth, and his digestive system. It’s already causing issues with his blood pressure and electrolyte levels…”
“What did they actually diagnose you with, Jinwoo-yah?” Kangsung asked softly. “Like, specifically? Did they give it a name?”
Jinwoo sat up a little at the question, turning to actually look at his hyungs for the first time since the whole conversation had begun. He was surprised by the fact that none of them looked angry; all he could see were looks of concern and confusion coming from the older men. “Anorexia… and depression and anxiety,” he finally replied, barely loud enough for the whole group to hear.
“That’s pretty common, right? For those things to go together?” Prince asked.
“They’re two of the more common diagnoses that go along with eating disorders,” Wooseok replied. “It was pretty similar for me… they’ve changed the diagnostic criteria for anorexia since then, but if I’d been judged on the same criteria as Jinwoo-yah our diagnoses would be pretty much identical.”
“There are things that the doctors can do to fix this though, right? I mean, they have medications for mental illnesses…” Suhyun began.
“Not for eating disorders,” Dongjun replied. Jinwoo was surprised by the fact that their eldest member knew that much about what was going on. “They can give him medication to help with the anxiety and depression, but they can’t fix the fact that his brain is wired differently…” Dongjun trailed off, clearly lost in thought.
“Hyung?” Junseong began, clearly confused by Dongjun’s knowledge of such an unusual topic.
Dongjun shook his head quickly. “My sister… she’s okay now, but when we were younger she got so thin that she had to be in the hospital,” the eldest replied. “I should have caught the signs that something was wrong… mianhe, Jinwoo-yah.”
There was a prolonged moment of silence, before Junhyung spoke again. “I think we’ve all got a lot of work to do, learning how to look out for each other properly,” the leader began, shaking his head.
“We missed all of the signs, too,” Jinhyuk replied. “Wooseok-ah hid it for months. And we’d all known him for years before he started to really struggle. Working on your relationships is a good thing, but you shouldn’t beat yourselves up about missing that something was going on.”
“Hiding it is pretty normal, actually,” Wooseok added. “It’s like, you know that you shouldn’t. But at the same time, you can’t stop yourself. Because even though you think that you have things under control, in reality it’s the eating disorder controlling you. And no matter how much you try to get it under control, you’re never going to be able to do it without help. But asking for that help is one of the scariest things you can possibly do. The fact that Jinwoo-yah admitted there was a problem before it got any worse is sa good thing.”
“So… how do we handle meals and stuff like that?” Junseong asked. “I mean, food’s obviously going to be a problem, right? What do we need to do, to make sure that Jinwoo-yah doesn’t get any worse?”
“That’s something that you’ll have to figure out with time, unfortunately,” Wooseok replied. “You’ll figure out the tricks he’s been using to hide things, and figure out ways to stop those behaviors. We know that he purges after meals, which means that refusing to give him the opportunity to be alone is a good start. And no working unless he has eaten and kept it down - that has to be a rule.”
“And you can’t let him negotiate on the rules that you make,” Jinhyuk added. “The point of the rules is to get him healthy and keep him safe… if things change and you don’t need a rule any more, that’s one thing. But that isn’t up to Jinwoo-yah to decide. He’s going to push back against the rules, but you guys have to stay strong. If you care about him, you can’t let him get away with things.”
Jinwoo closed his eyes again, leaning back into Taeseung and hiding in the older boy’s neck because he really didn’t want to be involved in the conversation at all. Taeseung seemed to realize that Jinwoo was uncomfortable, and the elder boy gently squeezed him just a little bit tighter and began to rub his back in small circles. “Hey… you’re going to be okay, Jinwoo-yah,” the elder commented, keeping his voice down so that he didn’t draw attention to Jinwoo’s current emotional state. “We’re going to take care of you, and we’ll figure this all out.”
“It’s getting late… and I’m sure that all of you need some time to process everything and start coming up with a plan,” Jinhyuk commented. “We’ll give you guys our phone numbers, in case you need help. But I think that our Jinwoo-yah probably needs some sleep…”
Jinwoo really didn’t want to say goodbye to the two older men; having Jinhyuk and Wooseok there to take on most of the explanations had been comforting, and Jinwoo wasn’t sure that he was ready to face his members on his own. But he also knew that he couldn’t rely on them forever. Delaying the inevitable would only make his anxiety about what was going to happen worse, and Jinwoo needed to just make himself deal with all of it head-on.
“You’re going to be okay, Jinwoo-yah,” Wooseok commented, as he pulled Jinwoo into a tight hug as they waited near the front door while Jinhyuk filled Junhyung and Dongjun in on some of the details that Jinwoo wasn’t allowed to know - specifically just how much weight Jinwoo had lost. “Your members care about you… and that’s a big positive right now. They’re already trying to be supportive, and they clearly want to understand how they can help.”
Jinwoo nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. “I know that I needed to do this,” Jinwoo replied. “I just… it’s still scary.”
“I know… but you’ve done this before,” Wooseok reminded him. “You’ve been in recovery before, and you maintained that for a really long time without the support that you needed. The fact that you went over a year without the support that you should have been receiving, and that you were doing okay for most of that time… that’s a huge accomplishment. Relapse is part of the recovery process, and the fact that you’re struggling right now doesn’t diminish the fact that you’ve accomplished so much. It just means that you’re human, and you need more support.”
“Thank you, hyung,” Jinwoo replied.
Jinwoo looked up as Jinhyuk joined them, putting an arm around Jinwoo’s shoulders and pulling him into a hug. “Get some rest, Haenamie… and call me in the morning, okay? I want to know that you’re still okay,” Jinhyuk commented.
“I will,” Jinwoo replied. “Thank you, hyungs. I don’t think I would have done any of this if you two hadn’t pushed me. And I’m sorry for taking up your whole days…”
“It’s worth the time, if what we did helps at all,” Wooseok replied. “You’re always going to be worth our time, Haenamie… it may have all started with you calling Jinhyuk-ah appa as a joke, but we’re your hyungs and we really do care about you. We don’t mind taking the time to help you and be there for you. You’re stuck with us.”
Jinwoo smiled slightly, shaking his head. “Thank you. Really.”