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English
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Published:
2020-10-25
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371
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Grace

Summary:

Kanan Jarrus' final meditation before rescuing Hera in Jedi Night.

CW: I make allusions to Christianity in this. I'm not trying to shove my religion down anyone's throat or anything, but I thought it polite to let potential readers know before hand so they can choose to read or pass.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Physically, Kanan is blind, but everything is connected through the Force.
The Force is an energy field; It surrounds us, and penetrates us, and binds the Galaxy together. It's the reason Kanan can reach for the knife without faltering, without fumbling around in the darkness. It's the reason he can grasp the hilt without cutting himself.
With long, slow, smooth strokes, Kanan Jarrus slides the blade down his cheeks and under his chin, the Force guiding his hand as he shaves.
As Kanan prepares to go into battle one last time, he reflects on the Force, on the tangled web of fate it weaves, and how, through what seemed to be coincidence, it has guided him through his life ever since that fateful day on Kaller.
Every decision he's ever made, every moment of drunken foolishness, of lashing out in pain and anger and grief at a Galaxy that had nearly exterminated his people, his way of life, and his very identity, it had all led to that moment on Gorse when he'd jumped into the brawl between Charko's goons and a petite, feisty, wonderful young Twi'lek woman.
Kanan has often said that Hera is the best thing that ever happened to him.
Because of Hera, Kanan found his way through the drunken haze of booze, questionable substances, and even more questionable company.
Because of Hera, Kanan found his way, becoming the man Master Billaba always hoped he'd be.
Because of Hera, Kanan found his way, becoming the Jedi he'd always dreamed of being, even in his deepest stupor.
Because of Hera, Kanan has a family, a purpose, and a worthy cause to fight for and, if the Force wills it, die for.
Once, early on in their burgeoning relationship, Hera told Kanan her name means Grace in Ryl.
Kanan is reminded now, as he was then, of a sweet, simple song he, and generations of Jedi before him, learned in the Crèche.
Kanan couldn't help but smile as he finished his preparations and left the cave, the opening verse echoing in his mind:

Amazing grace,
How sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost,
But now, I am found.
Was blind, but now I see.

Notes:

Well, this just popped into my head and Wouldn't stop rattling around until I got it down.
I'm sorry about the tear jerker nature of it. I definitely prefer happy endings and tooth-rotting fluff to whatever this thing is.
For the fans of my other work, Damned in the Night, don't worry, it's not abandoned. It's just fighting me really hard right now because it's still in its early stages and I don't want to ruin the pacing by going balls to the wall on it too early, but at the same time I need something to get the ball rolling.
Also, on Tuesday (NZ time, so Monday for all you Americans and Europeans), my government finally got its shit in a pile after one and a half lockdowns and a bunch of delaying, so I'm off on a six week course run by the NZDF aimed at 18-24 year olds (ye gods, a few months more, and I'd have aged out!). While on this course, the internet will be a distant memory.
So, until early December, fare well and MTFBWYA.