Work Text:
It was quiet as it always was.
But the kind of quiet where the air lingered with questions.
Janai walked in on Amaya who wrote away on the multiple inquiries they had. Since taking over, Janai had come to realize that royalty came with a lot of limitations. Amaya knew this all too well. Only a few months into knowing one another did Janai understand the same pain she had felt when Amaya had told her about her sister. A pain that she wished they didn't have in common.
Yet, the burden that Janai thought she would go at alone was lightened by Amaya as she rose beside her to accompany her as best she could. It was endearing and everything Janai never expected from the human general yet it was what made her all the more alluring and perhaps one of the reasons, Janai had become so smitten by her; if that didn't include everything else that came with the human that had already done so.
Still, it was odd seeing Amaya there in her chamber taking care of the same business that she too, had to take care of. But with time, Janai grew used to having Amaya around. Whether it was the snarky remarks here and there or the genuine interest she had taken in Janai's city, her presence grew on Janai. It was immovable, reassuring and adoring to see the same concern that laced her own eyes with her people mirrored in Amaya's. And although today was like many days, Janai came to notice the slight slump in Amaya's shoulders as she moved about inquiry to inquiry in pure concentration. The stillness in the room, thick and somehow hard to breathe in, Janai tried to dismiss it but something in her screamed otherwise.
I'm back. Janai kicked herself for the awkwardness in not only announcing her return but the way she had signed it with hesitancy.
Taking perhaps a few seconds longer than usual, too entrapped in the work that demanded her attention, Amaya glanced up at her. A smile in place but not exactly the one she expected. Distant, distracted and saddened. Janai knew Amaya well by now than to ask so she focused her attention at the inquiries that scattered the desk before her. Perhaps too much work had taken a toll on the human. Janai frowned. Had her business with the Sunfire mages not needed her dire presence she wouldn't have left Amaya to do all the work by herself.
Welcome back, Amaya stood but Janai stopped her. A flicker of shock passed through brown eyes before Amaya reluctantly sat back down. Placing the quill aside, she glanced at the papers in front of her then back at Janai, I should be done soon.
Shaking her head, Janai waved her hand at the response. They're not important right now. The words had caused Amaya to shoot her a confused look before Janai continued in what could only be described as another bout of awkwardness. I mean, leave them for later. Fumbling with the words she wanted to say but couldn't form, she sighed in a sort of defeat hoping Amaya wouldn't misunderstand.
The slump in Amaya's shoulders grew more prominent and so did Janai's frown. Nonetheless, Amaya nodded and stood up with yet another smile that didn't hold it's own. Janai wondered if perhaps she was beginning to second guess her stay here and something in her felt like it had shattered at the mere thought. Thinking on the many reasons why Amaya would find discomfort here of all places led her down a road of unwanted emotions to rise up. Trying her best to move away from such thoughts, Amaya gently took hold of her hand. Something that she would often do to take her mind off these exact musings. How she knew her so well...
Looking into Amaya's eyes, Janai softly sighed thinking she could get lost in them forever before she was starkly reminded that her concern was in Amaya's not the other way around. Something was on her mind and even though they shared nearly everything together, Amaya had a habit of keeping things that often bothered her to herself. Amaya had acknowledged this and they both knew that it would take time to overcome.
Taking a hint of the different kind of resolve that washed over Janai's expression Amaya looked away, suddenly understanding that Janai was asking with a simple expression. It was a kind of question that wasn't intrusive nor demanding but genuine because it was concern that was true. The kind that Amaya often would melt in simply because Janai's concern was sweet, welcome and unhurried.
Squeezing the already warm hand in her own, Janai prompted Amaya to look at her and she did. Her eyes held a sadness that she hadn't seen in a while. I'm sorry. For what, Janai didn't know. Wanted to know, but didn't understand why she, the woman who was filled with worry, was apologizing even the slightest. Amaya had no reason to. To this, Janai's heart clenched. It pained her but she stood quiet, waiting, patiently.
Janai cupped Amaya's cheek, lovingly and truly looked at her with reassurance, her thumb subconsciously ran over that scar that gave her the reputation that she delightfully deserved. There's nothing you have to apologize for, my sun.
Amaya took in a deep breath at the nickname that Janai had given her. Ridiculous really because she was the Sunfire Queen but beautiful all the same. It's today. Amaya signed, hesitantly. Eyes fell between them before they closed. Amaya leaned into her hand.
It took Janai a bit longer than she would have liked before it clicked.
Oh.
Turning to look at the papers on the desk followed by her unwanted absence earlier… Amaya was quick to catch on. All the things that came crashing down on her and quickly took Janai's hands into her own. An expression reminiscent to that of when she had lost Khessa worked it's way up telling her it wasn't her fault, that she shouldn't have to worry. The pain in her chest resumed.
Janai brought those callous hands to her lips, kissing the knuckles and keeping them there a bit longer against her lips. Today was the day of Sarai's death and she hadn't been there for her. How could she be so foolish. Glancing up at Amaya, the forlorn look she held told her everything she needed to and instead of saying anything further, Janai pulled her into a warm embrace which Amaya gladly accepted.
She too, knew what it was like and wouldn't wish it upon anybody especially the person in her arms. Holding her closer, Amaya let go, unraveled before her and Janai comforted her in the only way she could. The same way she had done to her not that long ago.
It was quiet as it always was yet the silence was more than just that.