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It has been raining heavily since the morning, a common one in summer days like this. With the grey umbrella I hold, I walk through the pavement, sometimes looking down at my feet and step on the puddles, reflecting my own reflection. I stopped short when I saw a flower sticking out from the bushes on my left, turned to it finding there are bushes of blooming hydrangeasーanother common thing in these summer days. I reached out for one but paused abruptly hearing someone suddenly calling out to me.
"So today you actually brought your umbrella!"
That familiar voice made me accidentally pluck one of the petals of the hydrangea I touched. I was surprised to see him again, in the same spot where he found me drenched in rain after a really bad breakup.
"What do you want?"
I answered rather coldly, I did it out of instinct since I just didn't want to see his face, not after he saw me being pathetic on the side of the road. He winced slightly seeing my cold response and actually backed off a step.
"I-I just… wanted to say hi… is that bad?"
He fidgeted with his fingers while looking to the side, even I wouldn't have the heart to drive him off completely when he's being like that.
"No… sorry. And yes I brought my umbrella… this time."
He chuckled a bit and smiled again, hopping some steps towards me before looking at the hydrangeas in front of me.
"You really like them huh?"
He turned his head to me with a smile, before continuing. "I mean, few days back you also were staring at them intently in the rain. I understand though! They're reaaally colorful."
I just scoffed with a dry smile, feeling it funny that he would assume I like those flowers because I was staring at them, and also because 'colorful' wouldn't be the first thing that'd come to my mind.
Suddenly he gasped loudly, startling me. "I don't even know your name yet! I'm Han Jisung, just moved here recently for uni."
He held out his hand to me, but I just stared at it, making him retreat it quickly and put it behind his neck awkwardly. "Oh, uh, if you don't want to it's fine…"
Somehow that little thing managed to bring humor to me, I snorted slightly before chuckling under my hand then laughed. "I'm Lee Minho, I've been living here since I was born." I managed to say my name after a good while of laughing, and he stared at me dumbfoundedly but then smiled, reaching his eyes, and the rain stopped like his smile had been the sun stopping the heavy rain.
"Look look, it's a rainbow!"
He pointed to the sky excitedly but I just turned to it with a dry smile. As I thought, I could only see such colorful rainbows in a dull, gray scale.
I turned my head to look at him, staring excitedly at the rainbow. I felt like I could see them in his eyes, and I wished I could see it the way as he did… once again.
----
I know he said he came here for university, but I didn't expect him to attend the same campusーheck, the same major even.
"I think it's fate Minho! I mean, how else can we end up in the same campus and major?"
I just smiled and shrugged then focused back on my notebook, he shut his mouth quickly enough scratching his neck again, awkwardly. It's not that I dislike him- I'm just originally not the type to get along easily with people from the get-go, and the mental scar I got recently kinda changed me as well.
"That's the first time I see someone writing with a red pen."
His statement got me startled, and I immediately checked out what pen colour I'm holding but of course I can't tell. I panicked and searched my pencil case but I dropped it from my hand and its continents fell to the desk, mixing up the pen with all my other identical pensーnow I have no idea which color is which. I never cared what pen I use even when I started going colorblind, since in the end I'll be the only one to read my notebook, but now that he mentioned it I somehow panicked, though it's not really a big deal if he finds out I'm colorblind.
"Are you alright?"
He looked at me worriedly, maybe he thought he said something wrong. I let out an exhale before finally spitting it out while tidy up my pens. "I'm fully colorblind, I see everything in grayscale."
I could hear he gasped loudly, and bombarded me with questions from 'Really?' 'Since when?' 'Why does it happen?' then started to give compliments and excitements that this is the first time he met someone who's colorblind.
"It's not genetic… maybe. But I wasn't like this since I was born. It's a bit hard to explain…"
I turned my head to him, my eyes staring directly at his circular black orbs, pausing for a bit while to gather my thoughts. My mind stranded for a bit there thinking how cute he actually is now that I got a good look at him.
"Minho?"
His voice snapped me out of my thoughts, I blinked a few times and broke our eye contact. I could feel my cheeks heating up but I quickly shook my headーfalling in love again is basically a deathwish for me.
"Minho…? Are you okay?"
He inched closer with a worried look and I instinctively jolted, inching away. Then I noticed the lecturer finally leaving the class and everyone else stood up, readying to leave. I found my chance and quickly tidied up my belongings, standing up and walked away fast, thinking of running away.
As I walked out of class, I could hear him following behind me, and as I turned my head around, there he isーpanting while catching his breath.
"Wait! ...haah…I still wanna know more about your colorblindness!"
I slumped my shoulders and sighed defeatedly. "Why are you always nagging me? You have other friends don't you?"
He tidied up his hair and outfit while answering me. "I told you I came here just this summer right? And I mostly spent the holiday with my family… I only know you and your name in here for now."
He caught up to me while he talked, and smiled towards me after that. I could feel a thump in my heart but I quickly dismissed it as I just thought his sudden smile was cute. I mean, it's normal anyone would find something as cute, right?
"I mean, aren't you some kind of a loner too?"
He grinned innocently then chuckled while walking a few steps ahead than me. I just shook my head and smiled, following him.
----
I didn't know how I ended up having lunch together with him, it just kind of happened. He kept blabbering about himself though it also drove me to tell some bits about myself too. He only asked me about mundane and simple things until it suddenly took a different turn.
“Hey Minho… are you aware of the star tear disease?”
I almost choke on my iced americanoーno I actually choke on it. I coughed some before it finally came to a stop and I managed to spout a “why?” in-between my violent coughing. He waited until I stopped coughing before continuing.
“It might sound unbelievable but I heard there’s a disease where you cry colored stars until you finally lose all the colors from your eyesight, even going blind in the worst case. It happens when you have unrequited love and it’s a pretty rare disease…”
I just listened in and responded with a hum, then he scratched his head and laughed sheepishly. “I just thought of it because your colorblindness reminded me of it, since you said your case wasn’t genetic so...”
Little did he know I’m fully aware of the diseaseーwell, it is what robbed the colors from my eyesight. Though I can’t let him know about that because I’m just gonna repeat the history, where my ex accepted my confession just because of this disease then finally broke up, not being able to put up with me anymore.
----
I ended up hanging out with him everyday, although unwillingly, and it also turns out that we walk the same way home, now I understand how I always end up meeting him at that one hydrangea bushes.
I found myself stopping again at that spot, staring at the hydrangeas that are basically different shades of grey in my eyes.
"Do you wanna know why you found me drenched in rain a while back?"
I didn't wait for him to answer to continue. "I broke up with my ex that day, well he was the one who ended it." I touched a petal of the hydrangea in front of me, though I don't know what color it is. "The last gift he gave me was a blue hydrangea. Do you know what it means in flower language?" I turned to him to be greeted by him shaking his head. "It means a sincere apology… he gave it to me right before he asked for us to break up."
"I came to hate the color blue since then, well not like I can see it anyway."
I let out a dry chuckle after that. I just felt like I needed to let out a laugh after all that. I also felt funny how even though we just met today, I ended up telling this story. Maybe because I got lured by how open-book he is, and maybe because I never had a friend to tell this story to before.
"That's not good!"
Suddenly I felt a hand holding mine, so I turned to him and saw his pouty face, making my chest leapt with that cuteness again.
"Blue isn't always bad! It could mean faith, trust, intelligence… and the summer sky is a beautiful shade of blue too!"
"Like I said, it's not like Iー"
I paused abruptly with my mouth opened when I realized what I just saw.
I could see them, the blue sky that I had almost forgotten how clear and pretty it looked like in a shade of blue, instead of the dull grey I see everyday.
"The sky…"
I mouthed out, still couldn't take my eyes away from it. Though it seems I still see everything else the same.
"You can see it now!?"
I turned to him and met his excited smile. Instantly, I could feel my heart beating and my cheeks heating up. I yanked my hands off him and ran away as fast as I could, not batting an eye to him who called out to me. This is bad, really bad. I made a note to myself to avoid him from now on.
Or that's what I planned to do.
I could feel my eyes heating, and something trying to get out. I can't let myself cry. If I cry, I might go completely blind forever. Being colorblind was already enough, I don't wanna lose my eyesight. I don’t even care about my surroundings anymore, I kept making turns and bumped into some people, even the drizzling rain that has grown heavier didn’t stop me from running.
I tripped at something because I closed my eyes shut while running. I could hear footsteps running faster and a worried toneー his worried tone. I tried to stand up but my knee hurts, I think I scraped it and the raindrops falling onto it just made the pain worse.
"What happened Minho!? Are you okay?"
I could hear the stars and sparkles falling out of my eyes along with my tears, from both physical and mental pain. I could only see his figure in a blur in front of me, probably shocked in seeing my current state.
"Why should I have these feelings for someone I barely met? Just after I had a painful breakup? I don't wanna go blind…"
My sobs stopped in a halt when I felt a soft press against my lips. In that instantーa strong wave of colorful shades overwhelmed my eyes, coming in like a big rush of wind.
I could see the blue sky after the rain, the shiny green trees from the reflective raindrops, the colorful houses around the block andーthe beautiful blue dyed hair Jisung has.
"Why…?"
I mouthed out, a shaky voice as the remnants of sobbing still came out of my mouth. "If you kissed me just because of this disease then being blind is much better!"
I yelled out, the tears are still fighting to come back. But then I felt another kiss, a more deeper one attempting to open my lips but I kept them shut and squirmed, pushing him away before anyone could catch us kissing in public.
"I kissed you because you're hot, idiot."
He mumbled with a pout, and I was too stunned by his words to spout a reply. There were so many things going on at the same time.
"You didn't even notice you used male pronouns so casually when telling about your ex, I guess that made me think I got a chance."
I leaned forward and let myself fall into him, hiding my blushing face from the embarrassment and alsoーI wanted some embrace after such a strong sense of relief.
He wrapped his arms around me, understanding what I wanted immediately and I cried into his shoulder. Not the colored stars and sparklesーjust normal tears, tears from relief, exhaustion, and happiness I don't have very much often in my life. He stroked my back and hair softly while chanting soft reassuring words, it’s supposed to be comforting but I really couldn’t stop crying.
My love was returned this time, and I could finally see colors again. I could see his honey-tanned skin complimenting his bright red headphones dangling around his neck, but I think that eye-catching headphones would be beaten by his eccentric blue dyed hair, glowing bright under the sun.
“You’re so much more colorful than I could ever imagine.”
I chuckled, still slightly shaky from the earlier sobs but soon I was laughing, with his laugh also following after me. The rainbow coming in after the rain was more beautiful than I could ever imagine.