Chapter Text
She runs like the wind, or as close to it as she can manage, and prays to every god there is that her parents aren’t here. The last thing she needs right now is a scene with them; it’s the last thing Kaidan needs, too.
She ducks and dodges her way around people and equipment, holds her breath as she wedges through partly open doors and eventually vaults herself over a bench in the lobby of the spaceport. It startles the soldier sitting there minding his own business, but she makes no apology for her actions; nothing is going to keep her from reaching him right now. Nothing and no one.
Of course, when she reaches security she’s stopped by a corporal, an act which results in a very creative string of curses. More curses issue forth beneath her breath as Kandra digs through her purse for her ID and flashes it at him, explains her purpose, and when still he hesitates, she narrows her best, If you are lying to me, I’ll Throw you into next year, look. When he continues to hold her up, anger gets the better of her, triggering her biotic corona; she can tell by the way his eyes widen and trail the movement across her skin. He freezes up for just a moment, until he finally stammers she may pass; Kandra briefly wonders if it’s the biotics or the lieutenant two checkpoint stalls over who makes the difference. Maybe later she can find out, once the horror is behind her. Behind him. For now, she hurries through.
She comes to a junction at the end of the hall and, finding a sign to guide her, turns right. It’s more crowded here; personnel, supplies, equipment weaving intricate pathways throughout the area, like a spider creating a web. And it’s loud. Normally, it would be a thing, a worry that it could trigger her vertigo, but she can’t afford to be distracted by it today. She refuses. Her focus is on one ship, one person, not the rest of the spaceport.
The facility is strictly an Alliance operation. She was here, once years before, but she has a good idea of where she’s headed. Before dashing out of the café, she looked up the floorplan and made certain she knew where her destination is. It’s only a matter of getting there. Time is not her friend at the moment, and that frustrates her to no end, but there isn’t anything she can do about it. So, she keeps on running.
There is a narrow miss with a transport vehicle, and she nearly bowls into a squad of marines marching through the halls, but she keeps going, legs churning, ache building. Then finally, up ahead, she sees her next turn.
Right. Another long hall. Then left, then almost immediately right again. Relief slams her in the face when she comes upon the right berth. Docking Bay 3-56H. Her breath catches when she finds his ship is already here, secured and currently unloading. Afraid she might have missed him, she looks around the area, searching. There is a group of about a half dozen people standing off to one side, mostly Alliance personnel if the uniforms mean anything, and moves over to stand with them. The ship is huge, far larger than she expects, and it’s going to take a while for everyone to exit. Listening to the others around her, she comes to understand the ship has only just arrived. It’s a relief in some ways. She doesn’t expect he will be one of the first; she hopes he won’t be one of the last.
Minutes feel like hours as they drag on. Others join the group where she stands. Kandra can’t be bothered to partake in idle chitchat or small talk and instead keeps a keen eye upon the flow of crewmen and women disembarking. Unconsciously, she wraps her arms around her middle as she shifts back and forth from foot to foot. There’s a biting chill in the air and she forgot to grab her heavy sweater. She shivers, but there isn’t anything she can do so she simply waits. Every few minutes, she tears her gaze from the ship and searches around the dock just to make sure she hasn’t missed him in the flow of traffic. At one point, perhaps a half hour in, she wonders if their parents have heard; they must have, their father’s connections within the Alliance remain strong despite his retirement.
After nearly forty-five minutes, she spots him. He’s hunched over, carefully escorting someone bandaged up their arm and around their head. There’s a medical transport waiting on the docks not too far distant and she has no doubt he will assist them the entire way, so she turns in that direction. The docking bay is very crowded now, nearly three times as many people as when she arrived, but there is still no sign of her parents. The struggle to make it through the gathering crowd is a challenge, especially since she isn’t in uniform, but a sergeant notices and takes pity and helps carve out a clear path for her. She smiles her thanks as she passes through.
Several minutes later, she finds him standing off to the side speaking to an older woman. The way the woman rests her hand on his shoulder, head bowed as they speak, Kandra can tell there is concern, but Kaidan, being Kaidan, forces a smile and shakes his head. He opens his mouth to speak, maybe even gets a few words out, she can’t tell from this distance, but then their eyes meet ...
Kandra freezes. The totality of his pain, the depth of it, knocks the air from her lungs and tells her more than any words can. He’s going through hell. Their grandmother always told them when things get bad, you find your port in the storm and take shelter until it passes. He just stares at her a long minute. It’s only when she manages a step forward that he pushes away from his companion. The distance between them disappears in less than a heartbeat, and the next she knows his arms are around her, holding her, squeezing her so tightly that breathing is impossible. A soft sob tears from his lungs, barely audible on the docks but loud enough she can hear and it breaks her heart as she clings back.
Still, if there is one thing she knows, it’s that he’s found his port, and she will shelter him with all her might for as long as he needs.
~
Back at her apartment, Kandra guides him to the sofa in front of the big bay window that looks out over English Bay in her sitting room. Even from a three block distance, the view is stunning, and whenever she needs a peaceful, quiet place to think or just be, she comes here. He sits without argument and she sets his bag and coat aside to deal with later. She retreats into the kitchenette and sets a kettle on the stove to boil, then putters around for a few minutes preparing a tray. When the water is heated, she pours it into an antique pot that their grandmother used to use, then carries the tray into the sitting room.
His eyes are focused outside the window, on the bay, but she knows he isn’t actually seeing it. His position, his posture, hasn’t changed since she left him ten minutes before, but it screams at her; lost, adrift, alone. Kandra winces as she takes a seat next to him. Throughout their lives, she and her twin have always had a very close relationship; one half of a whole to the other. Long separations never went well. When he finally enlisted, on his first shore leave he spent the entire week visiting her. Their parents were a bit miffed he didn’t stop by, but how do you make them understand when twins are closer than close?
Kandra is astute enough to realize that sometime over the past year something has changed. He thinks he’s keeping it secret from her, intentional or not, but Kandra knows what she saw just a few weeks ago in her café, and honestly, she can’t blame him. Commander Michael Shepard is as charismatic as the vids present him. Bright blue and very intense eyes, his broad and slightly crooked smile, laughter that includes everyone around him – all of it. And he is Kaidan’s. Was.
She takes a moment to focus on pouring tea. He doesn’t turn when she nudges his hand with the mug – proper tea cups just won’t work right now – but years of habit have him taking it from her. Kandra positions herself next to him, behind him really, holding her own mug carefully as she rests her head on his shoulder and stares out at the view with him. The sun is beginning to set and the water looks a bit like sparkling crystal as it reflects the dying light. For the moment, she says nothing, and he seems content with that. It’s only after the sun falls below the horizon she murmurs, “Do you want to talk about it?”
He stirs as if woken from a deep sleep, half turning and placing his mostly full mug back on the tray. There is a tremble in his hand she’s never seen before. She wonders if he will actually share any details; she won’t press him about it, just wants him to know the invitation is there. Kaidan is nothing if not private, but he’s never held anything back from her. Not yet, anyway. She hopes this won’t be a first.
He starts to shake his head but stops himself, seemingly changing his mind. It’s only when he looks over his shoulder that she sees just how deep the struggle is. “He –.” His voice cracks painfully and his head drops to his chest.
Kandra sets her mug aside and opens her arms to him giving him the choice. His arms slide around her, pulling her into an embrace as tight if not tighter than the one at the spaceport. This time, he doesn’t hold back; the sobs are torn from deep inside, shaking him violently. It’s painful to hear, but she holds onto him, providing a lifeline. In the past, he’s always been the strong one, even after the incident with Vyrnnus at Jump Zero. Though glad of the opportunity to be the same for him, she wishes desperately it was under other circumstances.
They sit like that for a long time. She murmurs softly and strokes his hair. After a while, as he starts to calm, she hums softly – a song they knew as children, one used to soothe away nightmares. She finds it oddly comforting; she hopes he does as well….