Work Text:
Oh, you’re so sweet when I’m with you. The way you look at me when we speak always has me on my knees. For you always are there for me. And… and… EFF THIS GARBAGE!
Mea thrust her hands across the cords of her bass guitar. Come on, Mea! There isn’t a single person out there that’s as good as you with lyrics… besides Witch Dagger. No one is as metal as them, not even her. Mea squinted and smirked. Okay, maybe she’s just as good if she knew these freaken songs! She threw her hands in the air. Not her fault. She collapsed her arms by her waist as her bed creaked.
Rays of orange sunlight peered through the window above her bed, illuminating the clumps of drifting dust, roving through time and space just like her. Did she just compare herself to tiny pieces of skin debris? Ew. Mea fixated on the specks. She really needs to clean. God, what if Bea saw this? She’d be all like:
‘Mea, you’re a filthy animal.’ And Mea would all be like, ‘I totally am and you can’t stop me!’ Then Bea would probably squirt her in the face with water or something.
She shuttered at the thought. Blagh, trash mammal for life. Mea chuckled. Okay, back at it. “Hmm.” She stared at her cords. This is as bad as Go Get Dead, Angel Face. She cringed, not the internet kind, the mortifying kind where she realizes she really fucked up and looked really stupid in front of everyone and now it’s etched in time to never be erased and no matter how hard she tries to forget it keeps coming up kind of cringe.
Man, this is stupid.
Mea’s shoulders slumped as she crooked her lip. Whatever. She strummed at the strings. She won’t swoon Bea with a cheesy song. Ef that. She’d do it with charm. She stared at her ‘roundness.’ Oh who is she kidding. She’s pathetic. Mea’s ears slanted. Going to be one of those days. She undid the bass’ strap and sat it to the side of her bed with the rest of her junk. A heavy exhale escaped her lips before she collapsed onto her bed, staring up at the rafters across her roof. How is she supposed to even come on to her? They’re like best friends and yet it feels like she’s still a total stranger. What if she went with ‘Hey BeaBea, I’m in need of a Mayday here, so I need you to come save my day-day?”
That’s effing stupid.
She rested her hands on her stomach and tapped her fingers against her gut. She really needs to go on a diet. But foods just too good to say no to. But how is she going to win anyone overlooking like this? She’s a total disaster. Psst, come in fashion police, we got a niner-niner over here a complete shit show. Got a gal in her early twenties with clown shoes, clown pants, clown shirt, and every time she takes a step a baritone plays. Mea crossed her arms.
They’d probably beat her till she’s pretty. Fuck’em. Fuck the police, FUCK12! They ain’t got shit on her, they’d have to catch her first cuz she’s going to be too busy being the best clown around town, honking all over the place! Mea smirked. She’d totally be the best clown around.
Mea quirked her lips.
She would be if the Alt-Right didn’t ruin clowns. God, all they do is ruin everything. Stupid fascist.
Adjusting herself against the bed, she popped her back. What was she thinking about? Oh right, Bea. Mea slapped her forehead. How could she forget? Sheez, why is she like this? Always a scatterbrain. Scatterbrain Mea, lost in thought like then and still is now, but at least the wacky dreams are… gone? Unless last night counts and the night before and the night after that. Mea rolled onto her side and curled up into a ball. Nothing has changed since then.
A timer on her computer rung.
Mea shot upright, fur bristled and eyes round. What, no-way! She shot towards her computer and shut off the alarm. In the corner of her eye, the time read ‘6:30.’ Oh Eff, she’s going to be late! Her heart raced as thoughts scattered into millions of pieces, all escaping her grasp. Shower, god, please shower. She smells of grease and not cooking grease but the shut-in, stanky-butt kind. Mea approached her mirror and it’s like history repeating itself because she couldn’t find a single good thing to say to herself.
Crimson eyes heavy and saggy. Stress is still killing her. Oh no, is she getting bag under her eyes? What’s happening to herself? Whatever.
Mea touched her disheveled and grody strands of half-assed combed head-fur while the red dye faded on the tips.
This has to be the most depressing sight ever. No, no not really. It’s still Pastaabilities closing down or almost dying to those… creeps. She shuddered.
She slumped her shoulders as she peered into her eyes and all she could see was someone barely holding on.
Wow, Mea, way to be morbid. Gah! She’s wasting time. Shower now, get clean clothes, and meet up with Bea.
…And screw everything up like usual…
Okay, Mea, you GOT THIS. You are going to swoon her off of her feet and she’s going to be all like ‘OH MY EFFING GOD MEA, YOU TOTALLY SWOONED ME OVER WITH YOUR BIG ARMS AND FIRM GRIP ON REALITY!’ Wait, why did Bea sound like a valley girl? Ew, totally not grr. Mea stared at Bea’s apartment door.
What if she just walked out and saw how… weird she is being? Ah, who’s Mea kidding, she’s literally the weirdest animal in Possum Springs.
The apartment’s lights flickered. Geez, talk about cheap and dilapidated.
Mea fluffed the upturned strands of head fur. Okay, gotta look snazzy. She shivered and adjusted her baggy, black coat. Sheez, does this place lack insolation? Mea stared at the sticky carpet. Please mom, if we lose the house, do not let us move in here.
The door creaked open.
Her fur shot up as she froze in place.
Bea stared at her with that lifeless gaze. As usual with her. Her eyes narrowed as they locked with Mea’s. “Hey,” She stated flatly.
Mea playfully waved. “Hey! Sorry I’m late.” She grinned to ease the tension but it seemed Bea wasn’t having any of it.
“What’s that smell?” Bea raised a brow, err, is it a brow if reptilians don’t have fur or hair? “Hello.” She waved her hand in front of Mea. “Earth to Mea, you there?”
“Oh, ugh…” Mea rubbed the back of her neck as she averted her gaze from Bea’s relentless scowl. “Hmm.”
“Is that cologne?” Bea sniffed the air.
“...No…” Mea struggled to conceal her smile.
Bea blinked, her depressing, blue eyes as bleak as her emotional state clashed with Mea’s. “Why?”
“Y’know when you said that fireflies were attracted to me from my stank.” Mea crossed her arms.
“Mmm.” C’mon, take the bait. DO IT.
“It kinda made me feel bad.” Mea rested her hands in her coat’s pockets, playing it chillllllll.
No reply.
Oh crap, DID SHE FIND OUT? Mea trembled as she opened and closed her palms.
“I could’ve sworn.” Bea pointed at Mea. “You bragged about it.”
Mea shivered. “Oh man, can I please come inside? I’m freezing.” She pitifully stared up at Bea.
“Fine.” Bea opened the door for Mea.
“Thank you, any longer and I would’ve died.”
Bea shrugged. “Eh, been through worse.”
Mea smirked. “Tell me about it.” She followed Bea into her room.
Hello generic counter, hello generic fridge, hello generic, ass da--wait. No one sat in the recliner as nothing played on the old-box tv. It’s… empty.
“Hey, Bea.”
“Hm?”
Mea pointed at the empty recliner.
“What?”
“Where’s your dad?”
“He’s elsewhere.” Bea continued into her room.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Mea dragged her feet as she followed.
“Why are you sorry?” Bea glanced at Mea.
“For your loss” Quirking her brow, Mea stared at Bea in disbelief.
“What?” Bea squinted.
Mea raised her brows. “Didn’t you say your dad passed away?”
“...What…” Bea stated flatly.
“You said he’s elsewhere!” Mea threw her hands in the air.
“Yeah, he’s out at the moment. He doesn’t just stay here twenty-four seven.”
Mea pursed her lips.
Bea chuckled. “Why are you so stupid.”
“I am not! It was a poor choice of words.” Mea crossed her arms.
“Uh-huh.” Bea opened the door to her vacant room with the boxes still filled with her belongings. Sheez, is she ever going to unpack? She sat on her bed on the floor as Mea stood beside it. “You can sit, y’know.”
“I don’t know, was thinking you’d bite me if I did.” Mea leaned against the door.
“Please, the only people’s head I bite off our shitty employees.” Bea scooted herself across the bed as her lower half hanged off of it. She cradled her head in her arms.
“Really?” Mea joined her, staring up at the pitch-black window.
“Naw, I haven’t chewed anyone out.”
“Besides me.” Mea smirked.
“Well, that’s because you’re a friend.” Bea chuckled.
Mea’s heart fluttered. “D’aww, are you saying I’m the only one worth chewing out?”
Bea scratched the tip of her nose. “Are you really proud of that?”
She nodded. “Yeah!” Mea bent her knees and crossed her legs. “Means that you trust me enough to yell at me.”
“That…” Bea stared at the roof. “Is a very weird way of looking at it.” She glanced at Mea. “Have you been abused?”
“Pfft all the time” Mea grinned. “ ‘S called life.” She shrugged.
“Mhm.”
Mea rubbed her nose and sniffed. “Y’know you can always hang at my place too.”
“It’s stuffy and reeks of you.” Bea leaned upright and snagged her fake cigarette beside her laptop on a box before she smoked it? Sucked on it? How does it even work?
“What do I even smell like?” Mea tugged on her jacket’s collar and sniffed it. She scrunched her face up. Smells stale? Stale cologne.
“For starters, you are wearing cologne.” Bea rolled onto her side and rested her head in her palm while she squinted at Mea, observing her like she’d done something wrong… again. “And secondly, it’s like this musky stench. Y’know, that P.E. smell.”
“I… don’t mind that smell?” Mea rested her hand on her stomach, tapping her finger against it.
“I do. But, funny enough, you don’t reek right now unlike usual.” Bea eyed Mea. “So, what’s the occasion?”
“Like I said, it’s because you made fun of me.” Mea turned away and scrunched up as her cheeks and ears burned.
“Out of all the rude things I said, you hold on to that one.” Bea raised a brow.
“I am very sensitive about my smell.” Mea upturned her nose and shut her eyes.
“Then stop smelling bad.”
Peaking at Bea, Mea spoke in a haughty tone, “I am with cologne.”
“Cheap cologne. Smells like something my dad would wear.”
“Could I get a gold star for trying?”
Bea shook her head as she spoke in the most coldest and flattest tone ever, “No.”
Denied.
“...Brutal...” Mea said in an attempt to comfort herself. “Say, do you have any music on your laptop?”
“Yeah, but it’s all weird electric or dark-synth.” Bea leaned up and scooted the box with the laptop on it towards her. “Not sure if you’d like it?”
“I listen to anything. I mean anything!” Mea smirked. “Also, like, isn’t that stoner music?”
“Ugh, no?” Bea stared at Mea aghast.
“Oh fine, druggy music.”
“Definitely not.” Bea tinkered with her laptop and played some weird synth or was it electric? They sound so much of the same…
“Huh, not bad.”
“...It hasn’t even started yet.”
Mea sheepishly grinned. “Oh…”
They listened to the music without saying a word.
“So…” Mea fidgeted in place as her dry throat itched. Okay, all or nothing, Mea! “Hey…”
“Hm?”
Palms sweaty. Body tense. Head light. Anxiety constricted her chest like when she was chased by those monsters while the words she so desperately wanted to say seemed off in the stars. No, she got this. She just has… to say it… OKAY, HERE IT GOES:
“H-how was your day?” Mea s stomach churned and burned as she repressed the urge to vomit.
“Work.” Bea stared up at the roof.
Mea blinked, everything spined as she felt so light she could just drift off into space and never return. “How was that?”
“...It’s work?”
God, she is fucking this up so hard. “Yeah but like… nothing happened?”
Bea blinked as her brows quirked. “What do you think happens at work?”
“But what kind of work?”
Bea shrugged. “It’s just work.”
“Yeah but like what happened at work.”
She blinked. “Work.”
“Okay yeah but like what did you do at work?”
Bea smiled. “I worked at work until I was done working.”
Mea adjusted herself. “So, you worked at work doing work while working?”
“I worked while working at work till I got done at work so I could stop working at work.”
Pointing two fingers at Bea, Mea grinned. “I getcha, you worked at work while working at work till your work was done so you could stop working at work un-” She gasped for air. “You were done working at work to stop working?”
“Yup,” Bea stated flatly.
“Wow, you’re very busy, Beatrice.”
“That’s me, Beatrice Santello. Working till my very last breath.” Bea sighed.
“Wow.” Mea turned to Bea. “You made it depressing.”
“Yup, that’s what I do.”
“You honestly need to lighten up.” Mea turned away when Bea scowled.
“Sorry I’m not like Gregg.”
Mea crooked her lip. “I’m not saying be like him. I’m saying lighten up. Jus-”
“Nope.”
She slumped her shoulders as she frowned. “Okay. It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s that I happened to think it’s a bit too much?”
Bea stared at Mea without saying a word as her mouth hung open.
“What?”
She chuckled. “You’re actually open for once?”
Slipping her hands from her pockets, Mea fidgeted with them. “Trying.”
“That’s…” Bea paused. “Really good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m proud of you, Mea?” Bea grinned and she looked really cute like when she smiled back at the mall.
Mea’s heart skipped as her chest felt light and her ears and cheeks burned. Her eyes watered as she struggled to fight her tears before she wiped her eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“Mhm!” Mea sniffled. “Allergies.”
“In winter?”
“Yeah, it’s called winter allergies.”
Bea squinted, not even taking a hint of bait from Mea’s bullshit.
“What?”
“You’re lying.”
Mea shook her head. “Nope.”
“There’s no such thing as winter allergies.” It was kinda strange with how Bea worded winter allergies. It’s like her voice can just do air quotes. Now that’s some next-level sarcasm.
Staring at Bea with a smug look across her face, Mea spoke in a stern voice, “It’s true.”
“You’re not fooling me.”
“Doogle it.”
“No, that’s stupid.”
Mea bobbed her head. “You’re afraid of being wrong?”
Bea rolled her eyes.
They both stared up at the bland roof as the distant sound of cars below whooshed by.
Heat emitted in her chest as her tongue-tied while Mea tensed. Okay, for real. IT’s been months since you wanted to tell her this. So go for it! What’s the worst that could happen? Mea rolled on her side away from Bea.
…Rejection…
Mea’s chest ached as the thought of it lingered, sinking its claws deep within her heart. What if they stop talking? She’d end up losing an amazing friend over saying something stupid. No, Bea isn’t like that. It’d just be awkward? Like ‘HEY I LIKE YOU, OMG, BUT YOU DON’T LIKE ME BACK BUT NOW YOU KNOW THAT, AND IT’S REALLY WEIRD BECAUSE EVERYTHING I MIGHT DO MIGHT BE IN SOME WAY OF FLIRTING.’
Oh geez, it’s getting hard to breathe. Mea gasped for air as her heart cracked.
“Seriously, are you okay?” Bea leaned over Mea and squeezed Mea’s shoulder.
“Yeah, again, allergies.” Mea playfully grinned.
Bea sighed and shook her head before she rested on her side.
Bile churned in her gut and crept up her throat. Mea could’ve sworn she tasted tacos again. Come on… it’ll only sting for a moment but be awkward for eternity.
This is starting to become an uneventful day. Come on Mea!
Mea froze in place. Anchored by fear as her rapid breaths lashed her dry throat and everything spun as she felt so light. Mea jerked towards Bea when she spoke up.
“Sooo.”
“So?” Mea’s body emitted so much heat, she felt like her body was going to eventually roast her unless Bea beats her to that. “Hey, is it hot in here or just me?”
“It’s just you.” Bea paused the music and sat up as she turned to Mea. “You’ve been acting strange lately.”
Mea pointed at Bea. “No, you’ve been acting strange lately.”
Again with the cruel scowl. “Seriously, Mea, what’s up?”
“Ugh… how about this.” Mea tapped her hands on the bed. “If you go first, I’ll go second.”
Bea raised a brow. “Go first on what exactly?”
“On what’s up.”
“I did.”
Mea’s ears folded. “Talking about work doesn’t count.”
“Fine.” Bea paused. “I’ve been stressed.”
“Because…?”
Bea smiled. “Work.”
“Hey now, this is totally not fair!” Mea grimaced.
Shrugging, Bea scratched her nose. “Do you want the truth?”
Mea nodded.
“Promise to not say it’s depressing?”
She threw hands in the air. “No promises.”
“Typical.” Bea laughed.
“But yeah, I can handle it. Not like I haven’t before.” Mea leaned up, cradling her knees into her chest.
“Okay, here it goes.” Bea paused. “I’m frustrated with our government that does nothing for its people and refuses to serve or save them from the impending doom of late-stage Capitalism. Our world is on fire, literally, and the people in power do not give a shit and tell us they know what they’re doing but do as little as possible. Jackie is losing her rights simply because of bigoted, bible belt Conservatives believe she has some kind of made-up problems while also stripping LGBT+ people of their rights.” Bea’s voice wavered with pain and spite as she narrowed her brows. “Our tax paying money funds the genocide of Gaza and a military police force that will gleefully slaughter anyone it wishes without consequences. We also fund medical and big business bullshit ideas while poor people can’t even get an ounce of support and most of us will be left without healthcare or a home. Mass shootings and police brutality. And to top it off on the shit cake, Facebook has enabled genocide in small countries and shirked all responsibility.” Bea stared at Mea. “So yeah, besides stress from work, or how I will end up losing everything when my dad is hospitalized, and I will never be able to do anything I dream of. There’s the looming rise of Fascism too.” She spoke with pure anger, “And the worst thing of all.” Bea paused:
“I feel powerless to do anything.”
“Dude!” Mea eyes rounded as she stared at Bea in awe. “I had no.. idea about any of this.”
Bea huffed. “Yuuuup. Leftist space is both a blessing and a curse.”
“How’d you learn most of this?”
“Me and Jackie talk a lot. Usually about depressing shit.”
“Hey! You can always talk to me about it too.”
“I don’t know.” Bea squinted at Mea. “You tend to say blah, blah, blah. This is depressing!”
“Well… yeah, but… I like to spend time with you and support you.” Mea smiled at Bea and Mea could’ve sworn Bea smirked or silently chuckled to herself? It looked like it at least or maybe it’s a pity smile.
“Heh, thanks, Mea. But really. I know how you can get.” Bea rubbed her nose.
Mea quirked her lip. She isn’t wrong though. “I know but I want you to be able to talk to me like you do with Jackie.”
“Are you… jealous of Jackie?”
“Hmm.” Mea couldn’t answer that, honestly. Is she? “I don’t know?”
Bea raised a brow. “Are you being honest?”
Mea nodded. “I might be? Like… she’s smart and you’re smart and then I’m over here like.” Mea waved at Bea. “Hey. I’m stupid and watch me do stupid things.”
“You’re not wrong.” Bea chuckled.
“...And speaking of that…” Mea hugged her knees as her eyes drooped. “Do you actually enjoy hanging with me?”
Bea snickered. “You’re so insecure.”
Resting her chin against her knees, Mea half-heartedly smiled. “It’s just…” Mea’s chest ached as a pit formed within her heart, consuming all of her joy. “When you were with her… at both of the parties. It was like I’m just this third wheel who’s just there.” Her eyes trailed away from Bea and stung. “I get it if you’d rather hang with her. I’m not trying to guilt-trip you either or make you choose. I just want to know if like… do you really like hanging with me?”
“Huh, it’s kinda weird hearing you be open.” Bea tapped her finger against her chin. “You’re usually like yeah, whatever. I’m fine.”
“Again.” Mea’s brittle voice drifted like a faint wind, “I want to be better. But…” She paused. “What if it’s too late?”
Silence.
…Maybe it’s too late…
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Bea stated with a hint of vexation in her tone.
Raising her ears and head, Mea stared at Bea bewildered.
“Do you think there’s something wrong with you?”
Bea’s eyes dragged towards to flower as her chest ached. She slowly nodded.
“Idiot.”
“Hey, this is a very vulnerable moment for me!” Mea scowled, scrunching her face up.
“No really, you are. There isn’t anything wrong with you.” Bea raised her finger to halt Mea’s comment. “Correction. There’s some bad things about you, but you aren’t a completely god awful being.”
“...Ugh, thanks?” Mea raised a brow.
Bea pointed at Mea. “Seriously, you might embarrass yourself and those around you.” She paused. “But. You try. Sure, you piss me off at times, but you really do try to be better and learn from your mistakes. You’re kinda like a puppy or some shit. You piss on the floor, get told no, and you don’t do it again.”
Blinking, Mea awkwardly chuckled. “So, I’m some kind of dumb animal?”
“Hey, you’re the one who cried out trash mammal or something.”
Mea rested her hands on her chest. “I am, I totally am!”
Bea tinkered with her laptop and played another synthwave song? Or electric. Whatever. “But sure, if you want to talk about depressing things, we can. Just don’t do what you usually do.”
“...Which is…?” Mea couldn’t withhold her snicker.
“The usual.” Bea glared
“Fine, fine. But you have to put a spin on depressing things!”
“How can I put a spin on a Government that mostly wants us dead?” Bea raised her brow.
“I don’t know!” Mea shrugged. “Maybe like… use more sarcasm?”
“If I use anymore sarcasm, it’d literally be drowned in irony to the point where it sounds like I’m okay with it.”
“That’s depressing.” Mea grinned as Bea rolled her eyes.
It was nice. This was nice. This here was nice. Even though they were staring up at a ceiling, it was nice. The strange thing is how different they are and yet, are able to find common ground. A gruff gal who’s a shut-in talking to someone who has their shit together, but struggling to make ends meets. Hold up, does that even make sense? Damnit, Mea, why does she sound so dumb at times? Ahhhh, frick, still have to ask her out. OKAY. You connected over stuff and she also believes you’re not a complete total waste of space, so that’s a plus!
“Hey, Mea.”
“Hm?” Their eyes met before Mea turned away.
“Do you get nightmares?”
“...Yeah?” Okay, that’s an odd question?
Bea chewed on her e-cigarette, rotating it. “Are they about that day?”
“Oh…oh!” Bea’s eyes rounded. “Okay, ugh, sometimes? Like… it is really weird and almost feels so abstract? It’s really hard to believe any of it?”
“Same, yet it’s so lucid for me at times. It almost feels like I’m back there and it…” Bea sighed. “I’ve been losing sleep over it.”
“Yeah, me too. It’s… weird. All of it. But, each time I have that nightmare.” Mea’s eyes wandered to Bea’s soothing, blue ones. “You guys are always there for me.” She smiled and so did Bea.
“Still hard to believe we almost died.”
“Multiple times.”
Bea rested her hand on her forehead as her brittle voice carried like the bitter, chilling breeze within the mines, “Almost lost you too.”
Mea’s chest emitted heat as she fumbled her words, “Y-you were that worried?”
“Jesus, Mea, I effing told Gregg and Angus to come with me after you decided to stumble off and go on some kind of martyr bullshit. Do you know how effing worried I was?” Mea leaned upright, peering down at Mea.
“...I didn’t think I mattered that much…?”
“You’re my friend, Mea. Hell. You’re my best friend. And I love you for that.” Bea leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. “It was also super stupid to go alone. What were you even thinking?”
“Honestly…” Mea pursed her lips. “I think I was messed up on pain killers to think straight. All I know is, I kept having these like… weird visions? A well screaming to me for help, a giant asshole cat who was like a total jerk, and just very weird dreams?”
“Have you been on drugs!”
“No, unless you count the pain killers? But I didn’t take those before the incident.” Mea fidgeted with her hands. “Do you think I’m crazy?”
“Yeah, I r-”
“That’s rude.” Mea frowned as she crossed her arms and slouched.
“I wasn’t done talking.” Bea grimaced.
“Oh, sorry.”
“Anyway, yeah. I think you’re crazy, but I care about you. And I knew there’s something bothering you and, hell, you were right.” Bea pointed at Mea as she squinted. “Not about the ghost, but about the death cult.”
“At least I can say I’m half-right for once.” Mea smiled.
“Just promise me you won’t ever do something as stupid as that ever again.”
Silence.
“Mea?”
Sniffling, a huge smile dimpled Mea’s warm cheeks. “D’awww, I didn’t realize you cared so much about me!”
“Oh no, I totally hate your guts. I risked my life for someone I hate so much and made sure she’s safe and even hang with her despite loathing her existence. I hate you so much Mea that I love having you around.”
“Hey, Beabea.”
Bea grinned and shook her head. “Yes, Mayday?”
Cottonmouth. Tongue-tied. Her heart leapt into the sky: “I love you.”
Snickering, Bea nodded. “I love you too, idiot.”
Oh no, it sounded like the ‘I love you’ in a friend kind of way. Idiot, she should’ve known better. What the hell was she even thinking? Her, having a chance? Psh. After all:
…She’s nothing more than a trash mammal…
Mea froze, her heart ached as the words ‘I love you’ tethered around her heart with barbed wiring of regret. “Yeah,” She stated weakly.
Silence.
Her heart rotted as her chest constricted. Mea wiped her burning, watery eyes.
Bea glanced at Mea. “Are you…” She raised a brow. “Crying?”
“What? No!” Mea struggled to maintain her brittle voice. “Allergies.” She wiped her nose against her sleeve. Shit, now she looks even more like a slob! Ah! This is hopeless!
“You sure you’re okay? You really haven’t been acting sane, lately.” Bea paused the music and scooted beside Mea. “So, tell me what’s up?”
The fur on the back of Mea’s nape stood as her skin crawled. “What do you mean?”
“Seriously, stop with the ‘allergy’ BS.”
“Doogle it!”
Sighing, Bea shook her head. “Can I ask you a question?”
Mea tilted her head back. “Ugh, sure?”
“Do you like me?”
She squinted. “What kind of question is that? Duh, I like you.” Mea smirked.
“How about in the love kind of way?” Bea’s eyes locked with Mea’s as Mea couldn’t look away no matter how much her body wished to.
“Haha, what?”
“Do you love me?” Bea rotated the E-cigarette in her fingers.
Mea froze in place like when she did after she got done beating that poor kid half to death: all eyes on her, everything disorienting and spinning, and her body tense as her breaths sharpened. “W-what makes you say that?”
“The cologne, the way you’ve always been hanging around me, and you’ve been acting really weird. So, either A. You have some kind of brain parasite, or B. You have feelings for me?”
Flicking her tongue against her dry mouth, Mea’s thoughts slipped from her grasp.
“It’s the latter, isn’t it?” Bea stared at the ceiling.
“Excuse me.” Mea darted out the door, into the hallway, and straight to Bea’s bathroom before she locked the door. She clamped her eyes shut. God, now she’s making it dramatic! But, it felt suffocating. Her stomach churned as her heart raced. What is wrong with her? Seriously! Mea tensed, digging her claws into her pants.
Bea knocked on the door. “Hey, seriously. Talk to me. No more game, be honest.”
Running her hands along her face, Mea pursed her lips. Just take the bullet. Better to be done with than be stuck feeling like crap. “Yeah?” Her brittle voice lashed her throat.
“Okay. First. Get out.”
Mea unlocked the door and crept the door open. “Sorry, just had a moment.”
“Noticed. So! Do you actually need a moment?” Bea crossed her arms.
“Probably.” Mea avoided any eye contact from Bea.
“That’s okay, you can lie down in my room.” Bea pointed down the hallway.
“Can… I…” Mea paused, quirking her lips. “Ask something?” Her eyes met Bea’s before Mea’s darted away.
“Sure.”
“How do you feel about all of this?”
Bea rubbed her chin. “Confused. But it’s not a big deal.”
“...Oh…”
Strange. It all just feels so strange? Like it’s painful in a numb kind of way. It’s like some kind of creeping and unsettling emotion waiting to erupt yet it’s so heavy and laden with melancholy and it’d just all be better to letting it all rot than let it out.
“Anyway,” Bea’s words snapped Mea out of her thoughts. “I’ll be chillin’ in the living room. Let me know whenever.” She left because it’s really not a big deal.
Is that a gentle way of saying no? It’s just not a big deal? It really isn’t, is it? Because if it’s not:
Why does it feel like it is?
Dragging her feet, Mea shambled towards Bea’s room before she collapsed onto the bed, peering off into the ceiling.
Besides, Bea is straight. She’d have no interest in her, so why did she even think she had a chance? Like--oh god.
Tears trickled down her cheeks.
She’s crying? Mea sniffled. Really? Isn’t that selfish? To want to be with someone who wouldn’t be into her? God, she’s so selfish and entitled. Mea rolled onto her side and curled into a ball.
Why is she so stupid?
This is stupid. It’s all stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Bea’s head throbbed as her chest ached and her heartstrings severed as each rampant thought tore her dreams asunder.
Okay, eff it. She can feel bad once she gets home. Just bottle it up. Count to ten. And move on.
One.
Mea inhaled, holding it.
Two.
She exhaled.
Three.
Mea struggled to breathe as she broke down into more tears.
Four.
It’ll be fine. She exhaled. Her throat burned.
Five.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ah. It’s not working!
Mea sprawled out, opening and closing her knuckles. About ready to smash something. Whatever, it’ll be another disappointing moment in time. She stood upright, popped her back, and stared at the door. Or maybe it’d be better to just lie down and rot. She huffed before she groaned. “Eff it.” Mea rested her hands in her coat’s pocket and slouched as she dragged herself out the door and into the living room.
Bea leaned against a wall, watching tv. Her eyes met Mea’s and she nodded because she understood it’s not a big deal before she slowly approached Mea and pointed towards her room.
“Yuuup.” Mea clasped her lips while she stared at the floor and dragged her feet until they entered Bea’s room and Mea leaned against the wall while Bea closed the door before she sat on her bed.
“Alright.”
Mea’s ear flicked.
“You can say whatever whenever you feel like it.”
She tapped her foot as she shifted in place. “Okay. Ugh.” Mea leaned her head back. “So, yeah. I… yeah. Y’know?”
“Mhm.” Bea nodded.
“You know that I have that and you get that, so you know that. So yeah.” Mea shrugged.
“I don’t follow.”
Bet Bea is toying with her. “You know what I know so you should already know how I feel ‘bout it.” Mea wrung her hands.
“Can you at least say it?”
“You already know what I know.”
Bea sighed. “Typical.”
“What?” Mea furrowed her brows.
“You can’t say it, can you?” Bea pointed at Mea.
Shrugging, Mea scratched her nose before she stared at the ground.
“Do you want to know how I feel about you?”
Mea’s ear flicked. Her eyes trailed to Bea’s but she didn’t dare to even meet them, so her eyes found themselves back on the ground. Safe. Her stomach contorted as her chest tightened and breaths lashed her throat. She fidgeted. “…Yeah.” Mea clasped her lips.
“Confused.”
“Sor--wait, what?” Mea raised a brow. She said that already, didn’t she?
“Kinda confused that you went out of your way to look nice, put on cologne, and… I guess try to hit on me? Granted, if that was you trying to, it was weak.” Bea laughed.
“Hey now, my flirting game is on point!” Mea pouted.
“Prove it.”
Mea stared nonpluses. Face as hot as if she’d sat the summer sun all day.
“I’m waiting.” Bea rolled onto her bed as her eyes never left Mea.
“You can’t just ask someone to flirt!”
“Why? Cuz cat got your tongue?” Bea smirked.
Mea pursed her lips, attempting to conjure up an answer. “Ugh, so, what’s up beautiful.”
“Weak.”
She quirked her lip. “It has to come naturally.”
“Mhm.” Bea stretched.
“Anyway, I thought you were straight?’ Mea raised a brow.
Bea shrugged, she tapped her finger against her chin. “I think I am? But I’m not sure? Y’know like… when you question yourself?”
“Oh, you think you’re Bi?”
“I don’t know, honestly?” Bea sat upright, staring at the ground. “It’s more like… what am I? Like, looking at a guy I go, huh neat.”
“Right! I know exactly how you feel.” Mea smirked. “It’s all like omg a cute guy, but it’s also like omg a cute guy…” Cute guys at the end of the day, are nothing but cute guys. What’s even the big deal!
“Eh, not really. It’s like, y’know what happened at math camp, right?”
Mea nodded.
“Soooo, it was like eh, cuz I wasn’t all that into it while the guy was. But here’s the thing.” Bea raised her finger in the air. “You know how me and Jackie are buds, right?”
Her lips wilted as her stomach dropped like a leaf in the chill Autumn breeze. “Yeah…”
“You get where I’m going with this, right?”
“Sort of?” Kinda really don’t, but… it’s whatever.
“Soo, me and her kinda did it?”
“Oh.” Mea nodded, pretending to be dumbstruck.
“Just so you know, we’re buddies, okay?”
Not sure what made her ask, but she had to know. “Why?” Mea blinked.
“Long-distance.” Bea shrugged. “Plus with my work and her school life, we couldn’t make it.”
“...Oh…” On one hand Mea was happy? But on the other, that really sucks to be happy that someone couldn’t be with someone else. “I’m sorry to hear. Do you think you’d get back with her?”
“You sound a bit upset.” Bea side-eyed-glanced at Mea.
Raising her hands in the air and shaking them, Mea tensed. “No, no. I was just curious?” She paused. “Like, if you want to be with her, I am one hundred percent for that.”
“Well, it didn’t work, so I’m sure you’re glad to hear that.”
“Umm… no?”
Bea sighed. “Sorry.”
“For?”
“Being on edge. Kind of a touchy subject.”
Mea shrugged. “I get it.”
“Anyway, yeah… that happened.” Bea rubbed her nose.
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“How’d you feel about it?”
Resting her hand on her chin, it seemed as if Bea brooded. “Confusing. Nice, but confusing? Awkward, but again, nice?”
“I getchya. It’s like when you try something you thought you wouldn’t like but it turns out you kinda like it?”
Bea shook her head. “I never said I didn’t like it. It was more so of… huh.”
“Oh.” Mea nodded as if she could comprehend what Bea even meant.
“Yeah, it’s confusing. But I also didn’t care for it?”
Mea squinted. “What?”
“Like, it was better than with the guy, but even so. It was just meh?” Bea shrugged. “Sex just isn’t that great?”
“WHAT?”
“Yeah.”
Mea pointed at Bea. “You mean you’re…”
“Maybe?”
“You think?”
“Maybe…?”
“Are you sure?” Mea’s eye rounded.
“Again, maybe, but what’s the big deal?”
“Nothing. Just kinda wanted to be dramatic?” Mea said.
“So yeah, know that’s on the table.”
“Eh, I can masturbate.” Mea shrugged but Bea, oh god, did Bea give her the weirdest look ever.
Silence. Awkward silence. Really, really awkward silence. So awkward it’s awkward. Awkward.
Bea blurted out, “What the fuck, Mea?”
“What?” Mea’s skin crawled.
“You know what!” Bea shook her finger at Mea.
“No?”
“Seriously, who the fuck does that?”
“Does what?”
“Say ‘hey I masturbate!’ “ Bea crinkled her snout.
An unsettling chill snaked through her spine. “Oops?”
“Do you not understand social cues?”
Mea grinned and shrugged. “I don’t know?”
Slapping her face, Bea shook her head. “You’re so weird.”
“Yup!” Mea chuckled.
An elapse of discomforting silence encapsulated them.
“So,” Bea said.
Mea’s ear flicked.
“Are you going to try and do something?”
She pointed at herself. “Me?”
“Ugh, yeah?”
“Like what?”
“Hit on me?” Bea squinted.
“No, I mean like… how am I suppose to hit on you or ask you out? Aren’t you at least surprised?” Mea’s heart raced.
“No, kinda had a feeling.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, you’re pretty… emotional?” Bea tapped her finger against her chin. “And kinda figured cuz Jackie acted the same way with me, but a lot less weird about it.”
Mea quirked her lip. “What if like… I do something romantic?”
“You?” Bea raised a brow.
“Wow! You really don’t have faith in me?” Mea rested her hands on her hips. “I’ll have you know, I’m super amazing at hitting on someone!”
“Yeah, you’re very good at hitting animals.” Bea smirked.
“That’s a low blow.”
“Sorry, was hard to miss.”
Mea pouted.
“ But anyway, you being romantic sounds so off.”
Mea crossed her arms. “Why?” She furrowed her brows and pouted even more this time so that Bea would get a gosh darn hint!
“I can’t imagine you being romantic.” Bea paused. “It’s like… hmm.”
“Like hmm?” If she could glare even more, her face would compress itself.
“Y’know, hmm. When you see someone and just go hmm.”
Mea blinked. “Wait, what do you see me as then?”
“Someone who…” Bea paused. “Kinda like hey, you want to wrestle or do something equally as strange.”
To be fair, Bea wasn’t wrong. “So?”
“How is that romantic?”
“How isn’t it?”
“Seriously, Mea, answer the question,” Bae demanded.
Mea raised her hands in the air. “Okay, okay. So, you know like how you cuddle?”
“...Mhm?”
“It’s like that, but whoever wins, gets to be on top. And I like that, I want to fight for it. I like to see who’s stronger!” Mea flexed her arm.
“Are you implying you want to wrestle me?”
Mea stared at Bea without saying a word as she struggled to hide her gleeful smile.
“If you dare touch me, I swear, I’ll slap ya.”
“D’aww, Beeatwice wanna fight?”
“I mean it.”
Slowly approaching Bea’s bed with a shit-eating grin, Mea towered over Bea.
“Try it and see what hap-”
Mea sat beside Bea. “Sheez, I’m not that kind of gal.”
Bea sighed. “Thanks.”
Mea leaned into Bea, but it seemed like Bea didn’t mind? Her heart pounded against her chest as her stomach tightened as she wiped the gross sweat off of her palms and onto her coat.
“Pretty daring move.”
“Well, I can’t hit on you because I just don’t have the mojo!”
Bea snorted. “So you’re trying the slow approach?”
“...I don’t know…?” Mea trailed her hand along the bed beside Bea’s and brushed her fingers against hers before Mea nudged hers away.
“Gah, you’re trying what the Math boy did.”
“What, do you want me to just kiss you?”
Bea shrugged. “Eh, just expected something different from you?”
“Like?”
“I don’t know? You always go on about grrr or rough’n tough and yet here we are?”
“Okay, fine… FINE.” Mea inhaled, holding her breath, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Bea’s cheek. A jolt of heat surged through her body like she’d been submerged in a hot bath. “There!”
Bea clicked her tongue. “That’s it?”
Pursing her lips, Mea kissed Bea in the same place, but it didn’t really do a whole lot for Bea or so it seemed. “You’re making this difficult!”
“I’m literally just laying here.”
“Yeah, it’s like hitting on a rock!”
“I don’t know, you’d probably have more charm on the rock.”
Mea frowned. “Are you saying I’m boring?”
“No, but you could do better.”
Hm. Would it hurt to try? “Guess what.” Mea said.
“Wh-” Bea’s eyes rounded.
Mea pinned Bea to the bed, looming over Bea with her arms on Bea’s shoulders. Her face burned as her heart pounded against its cage, demanding to be free.
Squinting, Bea crossed her arms. “Are you trying to wrestle me?”
“No, just thought… this would be better?” Sheez, it’s getting too hot. She’s literally going to melt at this rate.
“Eh.”
“Eh!” Mea’s jaw dropped.
“Are you going to do a lap dance or something?” Bea snorted.
“D-do you want me to?”
Bea shrugged. “Impress me.”
Mea stared at Bea with a blank expression.
“I’m waiting.”
Frigid sweat trickled down Mea’s spine. She averted her gaze before her eyes found their way back to Bea’s, who stared at her like she’s a complete and utter idiot, which to be fair, she wouldn’t be wrong. Mea gulped. “I…”
“You’re such a dweeb.”
Pursing her lips, Mea crossed her arms. “Okay, just let me get in the groove!”
Bea rolled her eyes.
“Okay.” Mea inhaled. Her nerves chipped at her as everything was so fuzzy almost like she’s drunk but—instead of losing control or having fun—it’s more so of confusion, heat, and feeling unbearably anxious. Her body trembled as she leaned forward to embrace Bea. Three, two, one. Contact. Her lips compressed against Bea’s as she shut her eyes and turned her head. Her tongue lapped against Bea’s lips before Bea slid her mouth open and Mea traced her tongue against the roof of Bea’s maw before Mea pulled away as her body tense and fur stood and her heart pounded against her chest.
“Not bad.” Bea snickered. “Thought you were a virgin?”
“...I am…”
“Then how’d you know how to kiss?”
“Hey, I’ve kissed… once!” Mea pouted.
“Yeah, but I expected like a drolly kiss or some shit. But not bad.” Bea shrugged.
“I’ve… watched…” Mea played with her hands. “Vids on how to… y’know.”
Bae burst into laughter. “Are you serious?”
“HEY!”
“That’s…” Bea paused. “Honestly kinda cute?”
“Really?”
Bea waved her hand in the air in the meh fashion. “Really stretching the cute.”
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Her ears pinned to her head.
“Kinda, but you’re doing fine.”
“Is it working?”
“Keep going and let’s see,” Bea asked.
Okay, ugh, what all did that vid say? Kiss. Eye contact is weird, but do it before you kiss and it’s fine? Mea’s eyes met with Bea’s deep-blue eyes as dark as the starless night-sky and they locked--entranced by Bea’s stoic stare. Mea gulped as she inched her muzzle towards Bea’s, but Bea stole her breath.
Arms locked. Knees shaky. Body so hot she could’ve sworn the heater was on way too high.
Mea clung onto Bea the same way Bea held onto her when she almost died in the mines. It was tight, comforting, safe and sound. Mea’s heart beats with Bea’s. But like then:
She felt like she’d lose her. Even in her grasp--she could easily slip away.
Wrapping her arms around Mea, Bea snuggled her as the two cuddled in silence. “Hey, Mea?”
And here comes the rejection. “Yeah?” Mea said, voice wavering.
“Could you roll onto the side? Kinda uncomfortable.”
“Oh yeah.” Mea scooted aside and lie beside Bea as the two stared up at the roof.
“You didn’t have to let go.”
Mea’s ear flicked. “Oh?”
“Also. Are you really-really sure you’d want to date me?”
She vigorously nodded.
“I ask because you know I work a lot and am not looking for sex.” Bea rolled onto her side, resting her palm against her cheek.
Mea waved her hand through the air. “Pshhhh.”
“Just making sure, lotta guys tend to get hanged up on that.” Bea tapped her finger against the bed.
“It’s whatever.” Mea shrugged. “Not like that’s what I need.”
“Yeah, cuz all you need is your hand.” Bea snickered.
“That’s because I’m a handygal!” Mea grinned as she pointed at Bea.
“...What…?” Even though Bea was confused, she still smiled.
“Nothing!”
“God, you’re so…”
“Me?” Resting her hands on her chest, Mea laughed.
“You really are something.”
“D’awww.” Mea’s heart fluttered as her cheeks and ears burned.
Silence.
‘So…” Bea said.
“Sooooo!” Mea stared at Bea.
“I guess we’re girlfriends?” Bea raised a brow.
“But we’ve always been girl friends.”
Again with the confused look.
“I was making a joke. But for real, are we?” Mea tapped her fingers against each other as she hoped that it’d lead to a yes but even if it didn’t, it’d still be okay at this point?
“Kinda?”
Mea’s ear twitched. “Kinda?” She stared at Bae flabbergasted.
“I mean, I’m going to be busy, you have shit you need to figure out, and I am finically unstable and/or might end up homeless.”
“You can live with me!” Mea threw her hands up in the air.
“You very well know I can’t.”
“...I get that. Also speaking of getting my shit together. Do you think I’m crazy?”
Bea tapped her finger against her chin and hummed.
“HEY.”
She laughed. “A bit, but that’s what I like? Love? About you. You’re different. Maybe not in the best of ways, but you’re you and I love you for that.”
Mea smiled. “Really?”
“Yeah, tho, not sure what you love about me?”
“Your take no shit personality!”
Bea snorted before she burst into laughter, resting her palm against her face. “Are you kidding me? Again. I take shit from everyone.”
“Not me!”
“That’s cuz I want you to improve.”
“Huh?” Mea tilted her head to the side.
“I only say it cuz you matter.”
Mea squinted and raised a brow. “Still confused?”
“What I mean is this, I want you to improve and the only way to get you to improve, is to say HEY wake up and stop doing said bad thing. Granted.” Bea paused. “You’ve gotten me to do some stupid things too, but never again.”
“Lame.” Mea quirked her lip.
“No, what’s lame is shoplifting and desecrating someone’s remains.”
“Hey, those are one time things!”
“And climbing up telephone poles. Tho, seriously. How the heck do you do it?”
“Want me to show you?” Mea scooted closer to Bea.
“No.”
“Mannnnn. Lame!” Mea sprawled out.
“Yuuup, that’s me. Lame ol’ Bea coming in and ruining the fun.”
Rolling onto her side and facing Bea, Mea poked Bea’s snout before she recoiled back. “I get it.”
“What?”
“I get you.” Mea smiled. “You’re down to earth. And I like that. You know what to do when things are rough and how to keep it together.”
Bea blinked. “Where is this coming from.”
“My heart.” Mea rested her hands on her beating chest.
She blushed for a moment and in that time span, it captivated Mea. “That’s pretty cheesy.”
“It got you to blush.” Mea adjusted herself beside Bea. She coasted her hand along the bed and touched’s Bea’s fingers before she risked it and held Bea’s hand.
As they sat in silence and their shared warmth cradled them. Everything felt at peace.
Mea’s eyes ambled towards Bea’s and as she peered into them, she couldn’t help but smile. She squeezed Bea’s hand and she squeezed back. All her woes, worries, and fears dissolved as her heart eased and body unwound. Mea inched her muzzle beside Bea’s, her breath brushing against her, before she kissed her.
“I have to say,” Bea’s words carried like a brisk breeze in the spring, “I’m really glad to have you, Mea. You’re strange, but again. You’re you and I love you for that.”
“I love you too and I’m sorry I’m a mess.”
“God, aren’t we all.”
Mea rested her hand on her chest.“Yeah but I’m like the biggest mess of all.”
“You are.”
“Hey, don’t agree with me!” Mea smirked when Bea smiled.
“You know it’s true.”
“Yeah… but I promise I am getting my shit together!”
“Got a job?” Bea asked.
“...Not ye-”
“Then work with me. We got spots open and I’d like someone who I can trust… somewhat.”
Mea squinted. “Somewhat trust?”
“To be fair, you did shoplift.”
“Last time!” Besides from Trollyside News. BUT. That was for the miracle rats, which now infest half of the town…
“It better be.”
Mea hummed. “Do you think I’d be good enough?”
“Eh.”
“Hey!”
They both laughed.
“Seriously,” Bea said, “I’d like to have you around. You’re the only one who…” She paused and clicked her tongue before she sighed. “Lightens up my day.”
Jaw-dropping and heart-stopping, Mea stared at Bea bewildered. “I do?”
“Yeah, you’re my Mayday.”
If she could see her face right now, she’d be so red that’d look like she’d been under the sun for too long. Mea’s heart pounded as the soothing, saccharine sensation surged through her body and shielded her from all of her looming worries. “I could give it a shot.”
Bea pecked Mea’s cheek. “Guess we’ll see where it goes.” She held Mea’s hand as the two stared at the roof.
A benign smile crept up Mea’s cheek. “Yeah.” She paused. “I love you, Bea.”
Snickering, her calming eyes trailed to Mea’s. “Love you too.”