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Jisung really, really, tried everything to calm down.
He watched ASMR, youtube videos, he wrote, he listened to music. But this pit in his stomach doesn’t go away.
Too many things to do, to think.
And it’s ok. Sometimes. But today he feels like he has no energy to do anything.
.
He woke up earlier than usual, Jeongin was already out of bed, he heard him going out. His hyungs were already gone from the dormitory, and Hyunjin and Felix were playing games on the couch, limbs all over each other.
Seungmin in the kitchen was making breakfast for three but when he noticed Jisung was up he told him to help him.
Then they ate all together. Nothing bad on his mind. Just confused because of the little sleep he got.
And when everyone got back to their own room, he got back to his own bed, but something was off.
Tomorrow he had to start all over again with work. Composing, which was ok, but was it? Why this feeling was starting to get to him so bad? Like anxiety, like something wrong could happen suddenly. Like he was about to fall.
Maybe being this early was at fault.
He decided to go back to sleep almost immediately but it took a while before his eyes could close enough to go in the world of dreams.
.
When he woke up again, Felix was looking at him, telling him something he couldn’t really get right away.
And the other realized it and got closer, getting on his bed.
Baby.
Hey baby.
“Baby.”
Felix was calling him.
Jisung almost snapped from his position, startled by the boy’s presence, that for sure wasn’t a dreamy vision.
“You ok?” Felix now looked very real, one hand on his shoulder, squeezing it a bit.
Jisung nodded.
“It’s like 2 in the afternoon and I know you want to lay here but maybe eat something first, ok baby?”
Jisung nodded again.
He really had no energy to open his mouth.
Felix took it on him to come to his room and wake him up and Jisung could not even thank him.
He felt like shit. And a pit was starting to form in his stomach.
The freckled boy put his hand on his forehead, feeling it, a bit worried.
“You want me to take you to the kitchen so you can eat?”
Jisung hummed.
Felix then carefully helped him get up of bed, then took him in his arms princess style and Jisung blushed a little, his ears a little red.
It wasn’t the first time the others treated him like this, especially Felix, and all because he joked about being a princess once, fucking once.
But it still made him flustered inside.
“Good?” the other asked, to make sure not to make him uncomfortable.
“Yea.” he managed to say, his head on Felix’s chest.
The others were still eating when they opened the door.
Minho and Changbin were arguing about the last cream caramel while Hyunjin was sitting there not really eating and chatting with Seungmin.
Chan was the first to see them at the door and stared at them before going to place another chair to the table.
Felix helped Jisung down, he still felt numb.
He didn’t even know why.
Minho gave him a look and whispered Chan something to his ear, he couldn’t really get at first. But when the leader came back with food from the counter, he connected the dots.
Jeongin switched places with Minho and Jisung felt eyes on him.
A lot of them.
Hyunjin kneeled near his chair and tried to maintain eye contact with him.
“Baby you ok?” the other asked, not hiding his worry now.
“I am.” Jisung facing him now.
The others stood there, waiting for Jisung to say something else, elaborate on, more.
“I’m just kind of numb, like I’ve slept too much,” he told them, but mostly himself, “and I’m hungry as well.”
“Perfect,” Minho interrupted and all glanced at him “open your mouth then cuz I’m not staying here to feed you all day.” this said, he slowly started patting his head to get his attention.
“Thank you.” Jisung uttered and everyone else agreed to leave the other help Han eat.
And like that everyone got back to their business. Jisung ate, mostly forcibly fed by Minho. And he regained a bit of energy to go back to his room on his feet this time.
.
But now the pit in his stomach was suffocating him.
He felt sick again.
He was on his bed but couldn’t do more than hug his pillow and hope to not cry. Or panic. Or both.
It’s not like something happened, it’s not like stressing over things was so sudden for him.
But something was off.
It had to be.
Cuz he realized not that soon he was sobbing and sniveling. And he couldn’t stop.
He leaned on the pillow, face nuzzling into it.
And trying to breathe slowly after, holding it and exhale. And again. And again.
And again.
And maybe it would stop eventually.
At least he was not sobbing anymore.
But it was still hard to breathe.
Hoping no one would see him like this.
Not that he had a problem asking for help or speaking to the other members, but he didn’t even know what was wrong. Or at least, the things that overwhelmed him weren’t that bad either. He just felt like he was about to explode tho. And it was enough to take him on the verge of crying.
Now, curled in his bed, still hugging his pillow, breathing slowly, he was about to bang his head on the wall. Too many voices in his head. Too much pressure. He blamed the little sleep he got, the fact that he didn’t have much time to relax anyways.
Too much whatever was happening outside his life as well.
He didn’t had time to go and cuddle with others, but Minho entering his room, yawning, eyes tired, was surely not the worse could happen.
Wait.
Huh?
When did he?
“Hey ” Minho snorted, low voice, quite distant.
Shit.
“When did you get here?” Jisung chucked, flustered, peeking behind the pillow.
Minho didn’t answer but got on the bed with him, moving the pillow between them and scooped closer, eyes all over the younger’s face.
Jisung gave him a confused look, Minho still starring at his face.
“What?” he asked again.
“Jisungie,” the younger gulped at the petname “something happened or you just aren’t feeling at ease today?” Minho cupped his face delicately and Jisung shuddered at the contact and leaned on even more.
“Nothing happened.” he let out, shyness controlling his body out of blue.
Minho moved even closer and placed his whole body over the other’s, almost crushing him.
Jisung was surprised by the sudden intrusion of his personal space he gasped out loud.
“You’re breathing so fast, you’re about to panic?”
What the-
He didn’t realize he was doing so. He thought the was doing better.
Apparently, it wasn’t like that and Minho got it just by looking at him. But he still didn’t get why his hyung was crushing him under his body. So he shifted a bit under him, a hand on the back of his head, tapping it to get his attention.
“I thought you were having an anxiety attack and I wanted to distract you from it.” Minho admitted.
“With all your weight over my entire body?” he asked, amused at his action.
“Well yes, you usually get under two or three blankets when you’re stressed,” he stated, now smiling, a bit embarrassed “you may need a weighed blanket.”
Jisung considered it being the reason of his hiding in his bed when he felt anxiety was too much to handle and it usually calmed him down, at least a little, but also because he fell asleep quickly in that way.
“I have you now so it’s ok.” Jisung’s fingers narrowed on his face, lingering on his temples a little more.
Minho almost purred at the touch, pressing his body on his a little more, just to make sure the younger was really ok.
At that Jisung cooed internally.
He’ll never get over Minho getting under his skin every single time.
His hyungs had a way with him, always patient, always gentle.
And Minho especially.
Minho was easily his favorite because he never missed it. He always gets him right. And today as well.
Minho pressed on his cheek a bit with his fingers, pinching it and then smiling.
Not a sad smile, but the look in his eyes screamed worry.
And Jisung was dying inside there.
He hated making others worry, but mostly him.
So he inhaled slowly, decided to speak.
Minho meanwhile got next to him, never looking away from his face.
“I’m just all over the place cuz I don’t think I’ve slept enough,” he exhaled and continued, “I don’t know why I’m like this but I kinda fell deep in my head and a lot of bad thoughts fucked my head up and I don’t know what to do to make them shut up.” He leaned his body completely on his hyung and Minho let him do, an arm over his shoulders, in a strange embrace.
They were next to each other, but Jisung needed to feel his body warmth again.
“Want to be distracted?” the older asked.
“Yes.” he admits.
“What about a kiss?”
That came out of nowhere.
“Why?” Jisung asked, leaning his head up a bit.
He was watching him with the corner of his eyes.
“I think it distracts enough.”
“I’m not sure...” he goes back to the previous position, head on the latter’s, almost knocking him.
“Ok,” with one eyebrow up, thinking, “a hug?” he offered then.
“That will do.”
“Good. Come here.” he stated, inviting the younger in his arms.
Minho was comfortable, his hand in his hair and the other one on his hip, but Minho was right. Not enough distraction.
Jisung leaned up again, just to mumble “I changed my mind.”
“Why I’m not surprised?” Minho blinked, overly dramatic, making a kissy face right before Jisung was about to pout.
“Cuz you know me well,” he leaned in even more, touching the older’s nose with his “now kiss me.”
“You’re the one that needs it. You kiss me.” he wanted to discuss this?
really?
Right now?
“You’re supposed to make me feel better. You kiss me.”
But they met halfway. First a peck. Then Jisung pressed his lips firmly on Minho’s, lingering there more.
He could feel the older sigh, then kissing back.
Everything was on slow mode.
Soft and silent kisses shared between them.
Every part of Jisung’s body mush by now.
Minho’s lips were sweet.
Like Chocolate sweet.
Felix’s brownies for sure.
He was so curious to taste them on Minho’s mouth. And deepening the kiss.
But his hyung detached his lips from his.
To breathe; at least Jisung thought that may be the reason.
Minho’s eyes tho told him something different.
They were pleading, asking for permission to do something, Jisung thought again.
Jisung felt brave at that, his heart beating faster.
“Do tell, baby,” his voice just a whisper, “tell me what you want.”
Minho let out a surprised chuckle, and stared down at his lips.
Jisung was growing impatient.
“Fuck, hyung kiss me for real.”
“You know the brownies are still there in the kitchen, right?” they said, almost at the same time.
What?
“You don’t have to devour my mouth if you want brownies you know?” he buried into him with his eyes, joking flavor on his mouth.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Jisung went as red as Minho’s hoodie.
And the latter only laughed at that. Then cupped his face and kissed his nose. His smile was so sincere Jisung felt like the earth might open in half and swallow him whole.
“I can see right through you, Hana.” he said after a while, still burring into him with his gaze.
“You can’t be real.” the younger managed to mumble, before closing his eyes and nuzzling his face in his hyung’s neck.
“Oh, but I am,” he laughed softly, “serious now, you want me to bring something sweet to you?”
Jisung didn’t answer and left a quick peck on Minho’s neck.
The older hissed at that and decided he’s had enough.
Teasing was ok, but something was still weird about the younger the treasured the most.
So he leaned down and cupped his face again, looking him in the eyes.
“Jisung tell me what you want.” His voice softer than he intended it to be, “and please be very specific.”
Jisung was hit with another wave of braveness.
“You said you can read me well,” he pointed his fingers at his chest, right where his hyung’s heart was racing mad.
“I do. But I also want to hear you say it.” Minho was not giving in.
“You wanna tease.” neither was him.
“No, I want you to find out what you want and say it clearly.”
“What’s the point tho?” he fought back.
“Ok. Let’s say it this way.” Minho started “You feel overwhelmed. But you also don’t feel like talking about it, cuz you have to do those things anyways. So you just want a distraction from it, before you get into it even more and start to panic. You want me to stay here with you but you don’t want to talk about it. Cuz you’re tired, and you need some relief from it. I know all this, because I observe a lot, and especially because I know you that well. But what I don’t and can’t know well, it’s what you want to do precisely, and that’s because you don’t know it yourself.” he took his hands and placed them on his own face, "and I’m afraid to second guess and make it bad for you. I know you want kisses and hugs and cuddles and to be loved and attention, but it’s exactly this you want? Right now? What do you want me to do?” he kissed his fingers lightly and Jisung was combusting.
Minho knew him too well, sometimes better than him.
Even guessing, he was good at it.
From making and buying more food because he knew he would love it, to stay with him when he felt like crying and even when he didn’t know he needed someone to hold him.
He was always there for him and the thought alone send shivers down his spine.
He could feel his own stomach do backflips at every word Minho said.
“Jisung, you need to make up your mind. Not only with me, but with the others as well. You are enough. You are doing enough, but sometimes it’s better to just speak. Tell me what bothers you. If you don’t want to speak about it just give me, and the others as well, give us more signs you don’t feel like speaking about something but it gives you anxiety, just say you have this shit in your head that makes you feel bad and say what you need. It’s ok if you want some time for yourself too, but I see that today’s not the case, am I right?” Jisung nodded and Minho continued, “if the balance between alone time and cuddles seems a bit unstable, just say it. Say you don’t really know, and we’re help you, I’ll help you.” another kiss, this time on his forehead.
Jisung was taken aback.
His hyung was really his soulmate.
It had to be.
That, or he was too simple to read.
Minho hugged him a bit, leaving a quick peck on the lips, Jisung’s redness making him giggle.
The younger looked at him with big eyes, and decided he had to talk.
“You’re right,” he started, “I don’t really know, I just feel the need to have someone close, to have you close right now,” at that Minho pulled him closer, “I don’t need to speak about the shit running through my head now, it’s making so much noise and I want it to stop. So, kissing you makes me feel good, yeah,” he stated, more at himself than Minho, “please kiss me again, hyung,” he cringed at himself for being like this with Minho. And being so direct in telling him what to do.
Asking for love, for cuddles, for kisses, wasn’t a thing they did. Especially not them two.
It was always going for it and seeing if it was ok, acting before and then making sure it was ok. Because they knew their boundaries so well, they always knew what was good and what not.
And it was still true, but now Jisung found this new way to do things. Asking. Saying please.
And he did not dislike it in the slightest.
And Minho did kiss him. No need for other questions or things to say.
He kissed him slowly and Jisung opened his mouth a little, leaving Minho do whatever he wanted with him. And was not enough real quick, even with the older’s tongue down his throat, not so metaphorically speaking.
Jisung’s fingers were tangled in his hair, pulling lightly, eyes squeezed shut. The kiss was becoming so sloppy, the voices in his head making space for the wet noises they were making.
He felt hot.
And good.
Fucking good.
When they stopped, to catch their breath, Jisung just knew he looked so fucked up. But Minho was as well, spit on his lips and eyes dark.
Was there a way to get this view embedded in his head forever? Jisung didn’t know, but he’d dream about it for so so long…
Minho’s hair was a mess. He was exhaling slowly, his hands on the younger’s hips, almost straddling him.
“Cute.” he said, pecking his lips once more and smiling big.
“You should see yourself” Jisung commented, leaning in for another kiss.
But Minho smirked at that, going down instead.
The younger was a bit confused, and then he realized what Minho was about to do and curled his fingers in his hair.
Fuck.
He almost keened when Minho’s mouth was on his neck, kissing the mole he had near his collarbone.
Minho.
He even bucked his hips up, shivering.
Minho Minho Minho.
He should be ashamed.
Fuck.
But he wasn’t.
Minho!
Not even a little bit.
It was Minho after all.
The older noticed his reaction and smiled a little, lips never leaving their place.
“Good?”
“Definitely better than before.” his voice but a tiny chuckle.
“Just making sure.” he said and his mouth started leaving open mouth kisses down his jaw and neck, blowing on them right after to make Jisung even more conscious of what was happening.
Strangely, he didn’t feel overwhelmed by anything Minho was doing. He was feeling good, so good.
His head finally shutting down. Relaxing in the other’s arms.
But Minho stopped torturing him with kisses, now watching him with fond eyes.
“You ok?”
“I swear I’ve been asked this question too much today.” he growled, the sudden vibrato in his voice startling him as well.
At that Minho laughed. Loud. Then pecked his nose, smiling.
“Just making sure, you big baby.” he poked his forehead, hard.
Jisung flinched at that, but smiled as well.
Still in his arms, he tried to change position and get in his lap now, and Minho helped him, now getting face to face.
“Hey baby.” Jisung grinned, noses touching.
Minho smiled at that.
Yes, Jisung was feeling better.