Chapter Text
Wario and Waluigi raced through Wario Stadium, eager to reach the end of the track, seeing as it was the final lap. All was going well — the two of them were having a good time — when...
It happened.
Waluigi was struck by a red shell. As he was sent spiraling to the side of the track, his head spinning, Wario passed by him, sticking his tongue out teasingly as he passed.
Waluigi felt a stinging pain in his heart as he found himself crying, “Wario, why?!” Tears were beginning to stream down his face. “I thought we had something!”
As he was driving away, Wario turned his head around to meet the sobbing, lanky man in a car that looked like a vacuum cleaner. He yelled, “We never had anything, Waluigi! I never loved you, idiot!” His voice faded away as he continued on the dirt track, disappearing from Waluigi’s sight.
Waluigi was left on the side of the road, sitting in his vacuum cleaner kart, heartbroken. He felt as if his entire world had some crashing down upon him from hearing those words come out of his former lover’s mouth. However, despite his extreme anguish, he started up his engine and continued driving, because he was still in a race, after all! Besides that, he needed to catch up to Wario. He needed to talk to him. But he wasn’t sure if Wario would be willing to respond...
Waluigi made a sharp turn before racing across an area covered in mud. He drove into an item box. ‘Please be something I can hit Wario with, please be something I can hit Wario with...’ And lo and behold, a blue shell appeared in Waluigi’s hand. Not skipping a beat, he threw the blue shell into the air, watching as it zoomed ahead, momentarily leaving a blue trail behind it. A few seconds later, a distressed “WAAAA” could be heard in the distance. Waluigi smiled. He slammed his foot on the accelerator of his car, wanting to take full advantage of the situation, until he saw Wario in his swanky-looking car, recovering from the blue shell hit.
Wario glared at Waluigi as he drove past. “What was that for?!” he shouted through gritted teeth.
Waluigi completely ignored his question. “Wario... Is that how you really feel about me?” he asked in a surprisingly emotional-sounding tone.
“...What?” Wario responded. He was confused. What were they even talking about again?
The two were now driving side-by-side through the twists and turns of Wario Stadium.
Waluigi frowned. “When you said that you don’t love me,” he reminded his opponent as both of them drove through an item box, “Did you... I mean...” He found it hard to find the right words. “After all these years... Is that just... it?”
Wario finally realised what Waluigi was talking about. He answered quickly and bluntly, “Well, yeah.”
Waluigi responded just as quickly, tears welling up in his eyes and his sorrow evident in the cracking of his voice, “But— But we’ve done so much together! Wh–What about all those times we made fun of Mario and Luigi? Or when we hung around Toad Town tripping random Toads?? Or when we — Or when we sat on the shores of Cheep Cheep Beach, eating garlic together as we watched the sunset fall over the ocean??? Did all of that mean nothing to you?!”
Waluigi slammed his car against Wario’s, sending the yellow-clad man colliding into the wall.
Wario frowned. He was now a bit behind Waluigi, but luckily he had grabbed Triple Mushrooms from the last item box, so he used one of the Mushrooms to catch up to the lanky purple-clad man. “Well,” he retorted as he came face-to-face with Waluigi, “You stood me up at that dance that one time! You went with—” He paused for dramatic effect. “You went with Peach!”
Wario slammed his car back against Waluigi’s, almost sending him into the pool of mud nearby. Waluigi quickly turned back onto the track, next to Wario, eager to respond to his accusation.
“That was just a phase, Wario!” Waluigi shouted as he returned to Wario’s side. Wario looked away, an annoyed look plastered on his face. He didn’t look convinced, so Waluigi continued with the first thing that came to his head, “A-And she was always eyeing that Mario! She didn’t treat me right, man. You’re the only one who could ever treat me right!”
Wario used another of his Triple Mushrooms to boost ahead of Waluigi, leaving him in his dust. Waluigi coughed from the dust going into his lungs.
“WARIO!” Waluigi shouted between coughing fits. “PLEASE — DON’T LEAVE ME!”
Wario turned his head around to once again face the sobbing lanky man. “No, Waluigi,” he said calmly, “This is it.” He then used the final of his Triple Mushrooms to boost himself across the finish line, finishing the race.
Victorious music began to play from the speakers around the stadium, as Wario continued to drive through the course, making a pose that he viewed as “cool”, but really wasn’t cool at all.
Meanwhile, Waluigi was left just centimetres before the finish line, his head in his hands, tears flowing down his face as he internally debated exactly where he had gone wrong.