Chapter Text
The whole world seemed to stop as Dazai sat there, staring into the sympathetic eyes of the doctor who had just given him the unfortunate news. He felt like he was being suffocated under a mountain of rocks. It wasn't meant to be like this. He was supposed to find a beautiful woman and eventually commit a double suicide with her. He was never supposed to be fated to die alone. Yet, the doctor in front of him was currently confirming that. He was dying, and there was no chance of recovery. He was barely listening to the doctor now, but he heard them utter three words before he got up and left. "I'm so sorry."
As he walked home, Dazai began to think of all the possible ways he might be able to save himself. Which was odd, since his main goal in life was to die. But he just couldn't stand the thought of a brain tumour being the thing that finally ends him. He wanted to die with a beautiful woman. And that was hardly a possibility now that he'd found out he was terminally ill. He was dragged away from his troubling thoughts when he heard a familiar voice. "Dazai."
Looking up, he saw Chuuya standing in front of him, his jacket slung over one shoulder. "Go away, Chuuya." He simply said before slipping past him.
"What?" Chuuya said, surprised by Dazai's unusual response. Usually whenever they'd meet, a fight would break out. Dazai would insult Chuuya a few times and then flash his usual smug smile and then they'd fight for a while until one of them gave up and eventually went home. But this time, Dazai didn't show the slightest bit of interest in fighting Chuuya. "Hey! What's your deal, man?" Chuuya questioned, running in front of Dazai, blocking his way.
Dazai sighed heavily. "I'm not interested in wasting my time today, Chuuya. Now leave."
Chuuya did as he said and walked off in the opposite direction. He was completely baffled by Dazai's actions, but he didn't see the point in trying to provoke him if it wasn't going to work.
***
When Dazai finally returned home, he dug out an old bottle of whiskey and proceeded to slump on the couch and finish the whole bottle. Maybe he'd die of alcohol poisoning instead?
A few hours had passed, and Dazai was sitting on the couch, still holding the empty bottle in his hands. He couldn't stay here, not like this. He was going out.
***
After a couple of hours of wandering the dark streets, Dazai eventually found his way to an old warehouse. The warehouse he knew Chuuya and a group of Mafia members would be at. Without hesitation, he began calling Chuuya's name. "Chuuyaaa!"
Within minutes, the red head was angrily marching out of the building. "What the hell Dazai?!"
"I need a favour."
"What?"
"I need you to kill me." Dazai suddenly said.
Chuuya shot him a puzzled look. "What?"
"Kill me. Come on, I know you want to." Dazai smirked.
"You're drunk. Go home."
"I'm not drunk, I'm dying!" Dazai confessed. "Well, maybe I'm a little drunk too."
Chuuya was speechless. What did he mean, dying? How could Dazai be dying? "What the hell are you talking about?" Chuuya asked, folding his arms across his chest.
Dazai shakily pressed his finger to the side of his head. "I'm talking about the giant tumour in my brain. I'm thinking of naming it Tasha. Tasha the tumour."
"Why the hell are you making jokes? What did the doctors say?"
"They say I have a few months before I cark it."
"There's nothing they can do? No treatment?"
Dazai smirked. "Watch out Chuuya. If you keep talking like that, people might think you actually care about me."
"Shut up, you maniac." Chuuya grumbled, scowling at Dazai. "Look, just go home."
Dazai chuckled. "I don't exactly know where home is right now?"
"Fine, then just wait here and I'll take you home."
***
When they had finally arrived at Dazai's apartment, Chuuya sat Dazai down on the couch, proceeding to take a seat next to him. Dazai had been drunkenly rambling about his diagnosis the whole way here and now he was just hunched over on the couch, mumbling incoherent sentences. He really should've just been put to bed, but Chuuya wanted answers and he intended to get them before Dazai inevitably passed out. As he stared at his former colleague, he tried to think of what to say until he eventually managed to piece something together in his head. "Are you okay?" He simply asked.
Dazai turned to Chuuya, pain evident in his hazel eyes. "I'm dying of a damn brain tumour. How can I be okay?"
"So, this is real then? You're not lying?"
"Nope." He said, shaking his head. "But at least that means you won't ever get the satisfaction of killing me."
Chuuya scowled at Dazai, who was laughing his ass off now. He couldn't stand this guy, yet he was trying to think of ways to comfort him. "What're you gonna do?"
Dazai sighed. "I dunno. Go out and look for a woman who'll commit suicide with me I guess."
Chuuya shook his head, smirking. "Oh, I doubt you'll be going anywhere tomorrow. You seriously drank a whole bottle of whiskey?"
"I was hoping it'd kill me."
"Of course you were. I'm not even surprised."
Looking back to Dazai, Chuuya now saw that he'd fallen asleep. He gently pushed Dazai's shoulders back so that he was leaning in a more comfortable position and then he carefully kicked his feet up on the coffee table, switching the television on. As much as he hated Dazai, he didn't really want to leave his side right now. He was going through some major stuff and he needed to know someone was there for him, even if it was his sworn enemy. Chuuya spent most of the night watching TV as Dazai slept next to him on the couch.
The next morning, Dazai had awoken to a peculiar sight. What was Chuuya doing there? He barely remembered anything from last night but he vaguely recalled visiting a warehouse. The same warehouse Chuuya was scheduled to be at.
Feeling Dazai shift beside him, Chuuya looked over to see that he was now awake, and he had a rather confused expression on his face. "You okay?"
"What happened last night?" Dazai questioned, narrowing his eyes at the red head.
"Well after drinking what I believe was a whole bottle of whiskey, you showed up at the warehouse I was at and almost ruined my meeting."
Dazai let out a long breath. "Oh thank god."
"And then you told me you were dying so I finished the meeting and brought you home." Chuuya informed him, leaving Dazai speechless.
"I was hoping that part was just a dream."
Chuuya shook his head. "Nope. You told me about Tasha the tumour and then I walked you home."
"Tasha the tumour?" Dazai chuckled, sitting up.
"You're the one who named it that."
"Well duh, you're not smart enough to come up with something as clever as that."
"Fuck off." Chuuya scoffed.
"Well, you can leave now." Dazai suddenly said, rubbing his head slightly.
"Uh, yeah. I uh, I guess I'll be going." Chuuya stuttered, shaking his head as he stood up from the couch. As Chuuya began walking away from Dazai, he almost felt guilty for leaving him. And it confused the hell out of him. Because he hated this guy, so how could he feel any guilt towards him if he didn't even like him?
For the rest of the day, Chuuya couldn't get Dazai out of his head. He just kept reliving the moment Dazai had told him he was dying. And as much as he'd like to deny it, he actually didn't want the suicidal maniac to die, nor did he want him to be alone either. Then all of a sudden, Chuuya found himself returning to Dazai's lonely apartment. But when he got to the front door, he hesitated. He knew that the moment he knocked on that door, he'd be admitting he cared for Dazai. And there would be no going back. After giving it some thought, he finally knocked on the hard wood of the door, waiting for a response. Minutes later, Dazai emerged from behind the door, a confused expression now appearing on his face. "Chuuya? What're you doing here?"
"You're not alone, okay? I just need you to know you're not alone." Chuuya suddenly blurted out, becoming flustered by his own words.
Dazai narrowed his eyes at him. "What?"
"I-I don't know. Uh, can I...can I come in for a sec?" What was he doing? Why was he allowing himself to be so vulnerable in front of Dazai?
Dazai slowly stepped aside, letting Chuuya awkwardly brush past him. Clearly, Chuuya had not thought this through as he was now standing in Dazai's apartment with absolutely nothing to say. He was barely able to construct a sentence as Dazai stood there with a puzzled expression on his face. Then, all of a sudden, he found himself saying three familiar words. "I hate you."
Dazai chuckled. "That's very nice, I hate you too. Is that all you came to say?"
"Ugh, I don't know what's going on." Chuuya groaned. "I hate you. I hate you. I know I hate you. But I don't...I don't want..."
Dazai stared at him in amusement. "You don't want what? C'mon hatrack, just spit it out."
He couldn't do it. He couldn't even say the words. He couldn't even think the words. Chuuya quickly pushed past Dazai and hurried out the door, leaving Dazai both amused and bewildered by Chuuya's strange behaviour.
For the rest of the day, Chuuya was wandering around Yokohama, struggling to organise his thoughts. It was like he knew what he wanted to say to Dazai, but he just couldn't conjure the words. All he knew was that he didn't want Dazai to die. At least not yet anyway.
Later that night, Chuuya had once again found himself returning to Dazai's apartment. He had no idea what he was going to do or say, but he just knew that he had to see him. Without hesitation, he impatiently knocked on the door, awaiting Dazai's appearance. After a few seconds of waiting, Chuuya was once again met with Dazai's confused expression as he peered around the door. He barely gave Dazai any time to speak as he quickly pushed past him and entered the small apartment, leaving Dazai stunned. "Uh, come in?"
"I...I have something to say to you." Chuuya stated, unable to stand still.
Dazai sighed, lazily shoving his hands in his pockets. "Ugh, you're not here to tell me you hate me again are you? Because I really do find that quite annoying."
"You're dying."
"And?"
Chuuya was rendered speechless once again, with no idea what to do. So without warning, he pulled Dazai into a hug. "Uh, what's this?" The brunette questioned, surprisingly making no attempt to fight the hug.
"I don't know." Chuuya said, shocked by his own actions. "Why aren't you pulling away?"
"Why aren't you?" Dazai shot back.
"I asked first."
"And I asked second."
"I don't know." Chuuya admitted.
"You wanna let go now?"
"God yes." Chuuya said, breathing a sigh of relief as the two of them parted.
"So Chuuya..." Dazai started.
Chuuya looked up at Dazai, who looked rather flustered.
"What was that about?"
Chuuya scowled. "I dunno."
"Chuuyaaa." Dazai hummed, leaning forward slightly.
"Shut up." Chuuya scoffed, now casting his gaze down to the floor.
"Aw, Chuuya Nakahara? Do you like me?" Dazai teased, a menacing smirk appearing on his lips.
Before Chuuya was able to answer, Dazai was now leaning against the wall, clutching his head in his hands. "Woah, are you okay?" Chuuya asked, stepping closer to the brunette.
"Yup. Everything's fine."
"Doesn't look fine."
Dazai suddenly stood up straight, a wide smile appearing on his lips. "Ya know, I could really go for a drink right now. And I know just the place. You coming?"
Chuuya couldn't understand what was going on right now, but he followed after Dazai regardless.
***
After following Dazai around for about half an hour, the two of them had arrived at a rather secluded area. As they walked, Chuuya noticed a sign that read 'Bar Lupin'. Great, Dazai was probably taking him to some shitty old bar, he thought. When they were inside, Chuuya watched as Dazai quickly seated himself on the middle stool. But when Chuuya went to sit on the stool to his right, Dazai stuck his hand out in front of him. "Sorry, that seat's taken."
"What?"
"You heard me. It's taken. Just sit on the other one."
"But there's not even anyone sitting there." Chuuya complained.
"Odasaku sits there." Dazai said sadly.
Finally giving in, Chuuya proceeded to sit on the stool to Dazai's left. The two sat in silence whilst they waited for their drinks and then Chuuya finally spoke. "Who's Odasaku?"
Dazai smiled sadly, prodding the ice cube in his drink. "A friend."
"You liked him." Chuuya simply stated.
Nodding, Dazai took a quick sip of his drink before setting the glass down in front of him. "At least when I die, I'll finally be able to see him again."
Chuuya didn't say anything. Instead, he just sat there in silence, staring into his glass. He could tell that Dazai was hurting so he didn't want to push further.
"Why did you come?" Dazai suddenly asked, still keeping his eyes fixed on his drink.
"I don't know, because you practically told me to."
"Did you come, because you care about me?"
Chuuya scoffed, shaking his head. "No. Course not."
"Good, because I don't need anyone making this harder than it needs to be."