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The room was dimly lit. First sunbeams of the cold winter sun shone through the thin gaps between the wooden planks hammered in front of the windows. It made the dust in the air sparkle and let the house look even greyer. Dried blood was splattered on the floor, it looked nearly black. Furniture was scratched, torn apart. The walls held screams in them most humans had never heard. If you would look at the two story building from the outside, you would have seen an old building, nearly falling apart, that no one but teenagers who wanted to go ghost hunting would care about. The mysterious thing was that the building had been built only six years ago. It was peaceful in the day, just standing in the deep snow cracking in the wind. It was extra quiet this morning. The inside was not as quiet.
A boy was sitting in the middle of a room on the floor, leaning against a nearly destroyed bed. His head was laying on the mattress. His eyes were closed and covered by golden curls which looked flat because of the night. Two clean scars were scratched on his face, defining his nose and splitting his eyebrow. He was tall, taller than most fifteen, nearly sixteen year old boys. He was wearing grey sweatpants that were bloodstained on his right leg, the blood still wet. The shirt he wore was ripped, the right sleeve completely ripped off while there were scratch marks on the rest revealing parts of his chest. Blood was dripping from his arm to the ground, making an uneasy sound. His flesh was ripped off to the point where parts of his bone were visible. In his lap was the head of a black dog. His fur was full of dust and dirt. The boy's left hand was deep in the dog's fur. Both fast asleep.
Remus Lupin opened his eyes only to close them immediately after. He was too tired to do anything. Remus took a deep breath. The more he woke up, the more he noticed how much every part of his body hurt. He could barely feel his arm and there was a sharp pain in his leg. The floor was uncomfortable, his back had been in a sitting position for hours while his neck had been bent over making it hurt even more. The comforting feeling of a weight pressing down his right leg calmed him down. Remus moved his hand not even an inch, just to deepen his connection to the dog's fur. He stayed like that for another minute, not daring to move. It was not a good sign that Remus seemed to not remember turning back into a human.
He did move when he heard dump footsteps. The second try opening his eyes was successful. He was looking at the dark ceiling, a small spider spinning a net from the lamp to the corner of a room. It was dark in the house but Remus could still see nearly everything. He slowly regained control of his neck muscles, forcing himself to look towards the doorway where another boy emerged.
His round glasses were sitting crooked on his nose. He smiled a soft smile at Remus. His hair was as messy as always, but this time it did not look intentional and cute, it did not make his charm. It looked as if the boy had not slept for over forty-eight hours, which was possibly true. His eyes were dark and even though the glasses made a good job at hiding his dark spots, they could not fool Remus. He was wearing a red hoodie with golden stripes which complimented his darker skin in a great way. It also looked not worn, contrary to the black pants which were slightly wet over his shoes. From the snow, Remus guessed. There were a few snowflakes in his hair too. He was holding a white handkerchief which was dripping on the floor and in the other hand a few bandages. The smile faded as James Potter spoke.
Remus could not do anything but stare at him. There was a loud ringing in his ears and his vision went blurry again. He tried focussing on James but the pain in his leg was getting worse and Remus was slowly drifting into unconsciousness again, his head hitting the edge of the bed which startled the black dog.
The next time Remus Lupin opened his eyes they were met by a flash of silver. He felt hands on his face holding it upright. The boy in front of him looked perfect in every way even in his condition. Long black hair was falling to his shoulders in sleek waves, framing his face. His silver eyes were a contrast to his long lashes Remus seemed to notice a bit too often. He could get lost in this intense stare, what he actually also did a bit too often. As soon as their eyes met, the boy's lips twitched a bit indicating a smile. His lips were just as pink as his cheeks' blush. Otherwise his skin was pale and perfectly clean. Sirius Black was not wearing a shirt but Remus could not care less at that moment as he was slowly tracing the scar over his nose until he put his hands in Remus' hair, getting a more stable grip on his head. Everything in the room but Sirius was gone. The ringing tone was still in his ears and if Remus would try to focus on anything else but Sirius he knew he would pass out again. Sirius' lips moved in slow motion as he spoke. He could still not hear the sound.
He moved a few inches away from Remus' face, giving him space to breathe. James was sitting on his right side. When the noises hit in, that's when the pain also hit him. Suddenly he could hear Sirius talk.
“Rem?”
Remus looked as if he was coming back. He was staring at Sirius but now his eyes were not emotionless any more. Weight fell from Sirius' heart. He had never trusted the healing abilities too much. But then Remus' head shifted to his right and Remus was also shifting away again.
His leg felt better than the last time but his arm was close to falling off. With a lot of strength, he managed to turn his head a bit and look at it. Black fabric was tied tight around his arm, probably to stop the blood.
“Moony?”
Remus looked gone. He did not hear Sirius, which was concerning enough. He could hear James whisper something about cold water and moving behind him. Meanwhile, Sirius tried to gain Remus' gaze back. It was always an adventure looking at Remus' face. His eyes were an unnatural colour which made him always stick out. Maybe that was why he hid them behind his golden curls. Sirius loved brushing them out of his face to make him flustered. Over the scar on his eyebrow was a bloody scratch they forgot to wash away. The other one was right over Remus' nose, making him look extremely hot.
Looking at his arm made him want to vomit. Flashes of memories of the last night went through his mind. An ugly green forest troll roaring, trying to grab the small rat next to Remus. He could see himself jumping at the troll, clawing through the dark fur through his skin, which was a bad idea considering the troll bit off half of his arm and then shoved him to the ground next to the deer best friend he had. Although, Remus had no idea how he had hurt his leg.
“Remus.”
He looked too thin. Remus had lost weight in this night only, his cheekbones were more defined than usually, blood smeared over one. Sirius' heart began beating faster and he wanted to press Remus and James both against him and just hold them close for ever. He knew James was just tired but Remus looked worse than on usual moons. James had sat down again, not strong enough to stand up. They shared a worried glance and he shrugged while shaking his head.
He did remember turning back now. He remembered falling on the ground and transforming in the fall, landing on his back, the whole air being pressed out of his lungs. James had been next to him within seconds. Remus also remembered the black dog jumping at the troll, scratching all over his face. Then it went blank. Remus could only remember vivid moments, it was no flowing memory, and feelings. Most times he was glad for it.
“Remus”, Sirius said again. His voice was deep and had a bit of a rasp due to the smoking and that he had only just woken up. “Stay with me.” It was a command.
Remus turned back to Sirius, looking back in the silver eyes. Remus thought they could stare directly into his eyes. He looked worried. James looked just tired. He opened his mouth once and then closed it again, wondering how Sirius saw him right now.
“We've studied werewolves”, he muttered and let his head fall forwards, leaning against Sirius' shoulder. Remus was shivering.
James pushed himself up and began removing the fabric from Remus' arm which turned out to be Sirius' missing shirt and also a big relief as his blood was flowing again.“I know mate”, he said while grabbing the white napkin.
James began wiping the dirt and blood of his arm while Sirius adjusted his position so that Remus' head was now comfortably leaned against him. He let out a wince as James touched his bare flesh.
“So you should know-”, he stopped mid-sentence to clench his teeth so hard that you could hear it. “You should know I-I have healing abilitie- Prongs!” Remus moved away from James and immediately let out a cry.
“It will heal faster if proper care is taken of it.”
Remus let James take back his arm unwillingly while taking Sirius hand in his. He was biting his lower lip to not scream because of the pain, both of them could see that.
“Where is Peter?”, Remus asked, voice short before breaking. He was squeezing Sirius' hand hard.
“He'f gone to fleep”, James said, holding a bandage between his teeth. He began wrapping them calmly around his arm, trying not to apply too much pressure.
Sirius squeezed Remus' hand for a moment. “It was a rough night. We didn't have one of those for a few months”, he whispered so quiet he doubted anyone but the two could hear him even if they were in the room. “Do you think you will be able to walk?”
His arm was hurting less now with the right bandage but his leg still felt as if someone would stab him repeatedly. They really had not had a moon like this in maybe even a year. The first few times Remus would have told them there was no problem and then break down on their way to the castle but he was over that now. He had learned how much he could trust those four and how much they would risk for him to be safe. He owed them the truth so Remus shook his head.
“What time is it?”
“Must be short before seven now? We can get him in there now, no one should be out the common rooms.”
Remus sighed. “Isn't that a bit risky? We could still run into someone.”
“It's a shame you've grown so much. I remember when I was able to pick you up and carry you through the castle. It was cute back then! Why did you have to outgrow your cuteness, Moony?”
“Just because you're a dwarf Pads, doesn't mean that I-”
“OOHHH”, Sirius whispered in his ear. The warmth of his breath made every hair on Remus' body stand up.
“Hey!”, James clinked in. “Stop fighting. We've got more important things to do.”
Remus grumbled something annoyed under his breath while Sirius stared at James with a death glare. “He called me a dwarf!”
“Well, you are a dwarf!”, he argued much to Remus' fun. “So as I was saying, me and Moony-”
“Moony and I.”
“He's a dwarf and you're a know-it-all and I hate both of you so if you could listen to me now?”, James said with a playful annoyance. Both of them shared a look and then mumbled, agreeing.
“Thank you. Moony and I are going under the Cloak so I can support him while walking. You'll walk in front of us and watch out that no one will see us because that man here is too tall for the Cloak. S'that a deal?”
“I love you, Prongs”, Sirius said.
Remus smiled softly, his lips brushing against Sirius' bare skin. He had a messy stick and poke tattoo on his shoulder, the new moon and a few stars. Remus remembered drawing it and then reading while James stung the tattoo, Peter holding Sirius' hand and letting him squeeze whenever it hurt so he would not move too much.
They let go, Sirius standing um and helping James pull Remus to his feet. A small scream escaped his mouth as he tried to shift his weight to his injured leg. Immediately, James was by his side, sliding an arm around him and helping him stand. Sirius took one of Remus' Cardigans, the one he had been wearing the night before and pulled it over his head.
“You'll get that back later.”, he said.
“Keep it. Doesn't fit me anyway.”
Their eyes met for a split second. He looked small in Remus' clothes, not as punk rock as Sirius liked to portray himself with his black clothes and ripped jeans and stupid leather jacket that Remus just wanted to grab by the collar and shove Sirius against a wall, keeping him fixed with his own body and-.
Well, now Sirius Black just looked soft. And Remus did not know which one was harder to look at.
James cleared his throat loudly, making Sirius jump. He pulled the sleeves into his hands, avoiding looking at Remus. When he left the house, leaving all doors open, Remus felt as if he could breath again, the tension in the air gone.
“You two should talk about that”, James told him.
Remus rolled his eyes so hard it hurt but he kept quiet.
He put his injured arm around his shoulders and began walking with James' help, nearly falling off the stairs. Both boys were grunting from the exhaustion and by the time they were at the end of the secret passage they were covered in sweat.
The wall Remus was leaning against was frozen and damp dirt. They were surely going to freeze out there, the invisibility cloak was not particularly warm. James pulled it over Remus, then slipping beneath it to support him.
The cloak was too small to even hide Remus alone and their height difference did not make it easier. James was tall, yes, but Remus had outgrown even him in the last month. But it was better than nothing.
A wave of snow blew against them and the cold wind went under the cloak. Remus shifted closer to James.
“I really mean it.”
“James.”
“No, look”, James said. “You should talk about it. I-”
“James.”
“Remus!”
They looked at each other for a second, standing in the ankle deep snow.
“I'm just saying. You should tell him. Have you ever thought-”, he started again.
Remus sighed unnecessarily loud. “Could we at least postpone this until after the full moon? Four hours ago I was still a raging monster and now you want to talk to me about love?”
“Remus, you are wearing a friendship bracelet I made you two years ago. Excuse me for not trembling at the very sight of you.”
Remus grunted something as an answer, looking at the knitted rainbow bracelet around his wrist, trying not to smile because then, James would have been right. It was one of his favourite things in the world. James had given it to him in their fourth year when Remus had told him that he was gay, he had apologized for it not being perfect but Remus loved it with his whole heart because James supported him and did not care about anything that made Remus different. Of course, Sirius had complained that he had not gotten one when he came out. It nearly broke Remus' heart knowing that he could not wear it because he would destroy it while transforming but then James had explained that he had spelled it bendable and nearly indestructible and his promise had held until now.
“Soooo you're gonna talk to him?”, James teased with a grin because Remus had smiled, despite not wanting to.
“No! I mean maybe. I mean- James!”
His friend gave a loud sigh and they kept walking to the castle. James spelled them dry so no one would see wet footsteps without a body and they followed Sirius through the castle a few metres behind him. The stairs were the next problem and even though James tried really hard to help Remus, the first time he had to shift his weight on his right leg, everything went black.
“And why exactly did you lot think it would be a good idea to walk around the castle before you are allowed to go out of your rooms?”
Remus woke up to the voice of Professor McGonnagal. He immediately knew where he was, recognizing the hospital wing by its bare smell. Shit. That had never happened before. Usually, the Marauders disappeared right before the hospital wing, leaving Remus alone to go inside and get checked by Pomfrey. It had been years since the last time he fainted because of his wounds.
“I don't know what Moon-, Remus, has been up to tonight Professor, but it's obviously a good thing we've been looking for him, I mean look at his injuries! Will he be oka-”
“Oh spare me Black!”, she hissed. “Ten points from Gryffindor for each one of you for being out outside the curfew. And now I want to know exactly what Mr. Lupin has been up to tonight.”
Remus' head hurt from this. They were playing an unbearable game of 'oh I know nothing'. Professor McGonnagal knew exactly where he had been tonight but she did not know that the Marauders knew and was obviously pretending to think they had snuck out together or something. The Marauders also knew exactly where he had been and they knew McGonnagal did not know that they knew and they knew she could never know because then their minds would be wiped so they had to pretend they had no idea while being blamed for something they technically did, being out outside the curfew, but also being blamed for marauding all of them knew had never happened.
Now, Remus' head hurt even more.
“Professor, we've only been out looking for him. He disappeared in the evening, said something about not feeling to well and when we tried to get into the hospital wing tonight he wasn't there and we were worried so we decided to go looking for him”, James explained. Remus was impressed by this. It would probably also convince McGonnagal, since it was definitely not the first time they had tried to break in somewhere. James was a saint. “We found him like that in a bathroom on the first floor. What else were we supposed to do but bring him here?”
“He looked horrible”, Peter said, his voice convincingly concerned. “Is he going to be okay?”
Remus felt better at hearing Peter's voice. He wanted to run to him and pull the boy into a big hug, he had had a very rough night. But Remus knew it was expected from him to be unconscious. He was proven right when Pomfrey slid through the curtains around his bed, giving him a look that definitely said 'keep quiet!'
“Poppy is a very talented healer. We've seen worse, Mr. Pettigrew.”
Peter sighed audibly at the words and Remus had to restrain from laughing.
“I will believe your story until I have spoken to Mr. Lupin, but your points will stay removed because you have still been outside!”
The Marauders' voiced grew quieter and Remus was too tired to focus on them, closing his eyes. Pomfrey changed the bandage on his arm and then went outside.
“Madame Pomfrey?”, Sirius asked.
Remus eyes shut open immediately.
“I was wondering if I could maybe, uhm, stay with him? I don't want him to be alone when he wakes up, I swear I won't annoy him or anything!”
Remus did want Sirius to stay with him and he knew Pomfrey knew this.
“He will be asleep for another few hours, Mr. Black. I don't know if you want to wait for such a long time.”, she said in a soft voice, not restraining Sirius from staying.
“It doesn't matter”, he said. “I just want to.. be with him..” Sirius' voice trailed off. Pomfrey must have given him a nod because Remus could hear footsteps coming his direction.
His heart began racing because how dare Sirius say something like that and ugh feelings. The curtain was opened and Sirius shouted a goodbye to Madame Pomfrey before he turned to Remus.
“Hiya Sleeping Beauty”, he said and Remus could basically see the smile on his lips. “She's gone, you can stop pretending to sleep so she doesn't know I know.”
Remus' eyes shot open and the first thing he noticed was that Sirius was still wearing his jumper. Sirius motioned for him to shift over so he could slide into his bed. Sirius was warm against Remus' body, his injuries were nearly gone.
“I'm glad you're okay. You scared me over there, James just began shouting and I thought shit I-”
Remus just hugged Sirius who went quiet immediately. He buried his face in Sirius' chest, shutting his eyes close while he put his arms around Remus and slowly stroke his back.
“Thank you”, Remus whispered, hoping he would not hear how close he was to crying. “Thank you for being here all the time and doing all that and just- Thank you.”
Sirius just stayed there, saying nothing, his arms around Remus as if he wanted to shield him from the rest of the world.
When Madame Pomfrey came back, she saw the two boys asleep, noses nearly touching, Sirius' arm under Remus' head, their hands holding each other. She left with a small smile and just shut the curtains again.
Remus was awaken by Sirius playing with his hair. They smiled at each other a bit too long and both blushed lightly but Remus did not really care. Maybe James was right and they should talk about this. Remus made a mental note do maybe actually do it as soon as everything else was back to normal.
“McGonsie came in here to shout at you I think but I dared her to wake you up”, Sirius whispered a bit too quiet, their eyes not parting.
“Bet she was intimidated by that”, Remus' words dripping with sarcasm.
Remus sat up, finally ripping the bond between their eyes apart. He looked at his arm, the only thing left a small pink scar which would fade eventually. When he turned back, Sirius was already on his feet. Remus followed and together they mounted the stairs leading them to the common room.
“Hippogriff”, Remus said to the portrait in front of them which swung open, revealing James, Peter and Lily sitting on the sofa. Lily was throwing a card on the table and all three of them jumped slightly when an explosion was heard. Remus smiled slightly at them while he and Sirius climbed through the hole.
“Can we join you?”, Sirius said, nearly throwing himself on the sofa opposite to them, an arm on the backrest.
“Remus!”, Lily said and jumped up, running over to hug him tightly.
“Moony!”, James and Peter both exclaimed.
“They told me what happened last night. Are you okay?”, Lily asked him, now holding his face in her hands, looking at him to figure out if he was feeling better. Remus nodded, guessing they had told her the same story as McGonnagal. Lily ruffled through his hair the same way Sirius usually did and hugged him again, then returned to her place, waiting for James to finish shuffling the deck of exploding Snap, or as he liked to call it, exploding Snape.
“Oh hello Sirius, you are back!”, Sirius said. “My dear friends, how must you have missed me, I have been gone for forever.”
He was shot a dark look by Lily while Peter giggled.
Remus sat down next to Sirius who slowly, very slowly, moved his arm from the backrest down so it was now around Remus' shoulders. A weird feeling shot through Remus' body who was suddenly aware of every part of him and of the heat in the common room. After a few seconds, he relaxed against Sirius' touch and shuffled nearly not noticeable closer to Sirius. No one paid them any attention but James who winked at Remus.
“So where were you tonight, mate?”, he asked Remus, setting the first card down.
“He won't even tell me!” Sirius looked at him with a very hurt look.
“I bet you both deserve that.”
“As if you were not curious, Evans!”
“Guys,”, Peter said with a quiet voice. “I think we should just let Remus be. He has had a very unpleasant night and I don't think he wants to tell us.”
Remus thanked Peter inside. He had no idea how to answer those questions, he was not as good as a liar as the others. Well, he kept his secret a secret for about two years but only two years which was not that good. The only other thing he had ever actually lied about were his feelings for Sirius and everyone around the table knew about them, besides Sirius.
The awkward silence in the room was gone fast when James and Lily began insulting each other playful. Sirius grinned at Peter and Remus and made a heart with his hands, pulling Remus even closer to him while doing so. The hand that was holding his deck of cards was trembling. He was very close to Sirius. Now that he thought about it, it was not even unusual that Sirius was so close to him, they had always done things like this. Someday it had just shifted from playful to Remus' heard made a flutter and he could not breath properly.
Since he and Sirius had spent nearly the whole day in the hospital wing, the sun set fast and one after one excused themselves until it was just him and Sirius again. James was the last to leave, pulling Remus into a tight hug before he went upstairs.
“Get him, Moony”, he whispered into his ear. Remus gave him a death glare and punched him lightly.
They were back in that weird constellation James left them in sometimes. Usually, when Sirius and Remus were alone, it was nice, they were talking constantly. But sometimes, just sometimes, when James made a big show of leaving them alone for something to happen, it got uncomfortable pretty fast. Remus was standing in front of the staircase while Sirius was sitting on the floor.
The fireplace gently shone on his face, making it look like the light was dancing on his hair and in his eyes. While looking at Sirius like that, Remus legs stopped working properly and he leaned against the wall, trying to get his brain to work again.
“You okay?”, Sirius asked, shyly, his voice trembling just a little.
“Mh”
Sirius stood up, flipped his hair over his shoulders which made Remus' heart beat just a little bit faster. The tension between them was strong, the air electric. Sirius kept walking closer, step by step, as if in slow motion. He had pulled off Remus' cardigan some time ago, revealing a white shirt and a loose bound Gryffindor tie. Remus was in more comfortable clothes, as always.
Sirius's hand reached out to his head, which made Remus press his back even closer to the wall behind him. The skin Sirius' hand was touching tingled. He put his other hand on Remus' chest, directly over his heart, holding him against the wall. Something in his eyes changed as he detected his fast heartbeat.
“You're burning”, he murmured with a newly gained confidence, voice rough. Remus could feel the heat of his body, could smell Sirius too close, his senses overwhelming him.
He wanted to escape Sirius and at the same time never move again. Remus was unable to answer as Sirius took his hand from his forehead, putting it on the wall next to him, holding him there with his hands.
“What are you doing?”, Remus whispered, not being able to say anything else.
Sirius just grinned. He took a step closer, removing his hand from Remus' chest while simultaneously moving his legs by putting his between Remus'.
“Sirius.”
His voice was too broken, too raspy to be normal. He was barely breathing, mesmerized by whatever Sirius was doing.
Sirius' hand was on his leg now, softly scratching over the fabric until his hand was on Remus' hip and he stopped as if he just realized what he had been doing.
They looked at each other again,
And then Remus realized what Sirius had been doing. Sirius, his perfect Sirius who he had been in love with since Christmas third year, had caged him to a wall, was touching him, flirting, with him.
Remus blinked.
Before he knew what he was doing, his hand was around Sirius' tie, pulling him closer, their hips touching. He let his fingers slide over Sirius' cheek, pulling his chin up, making Sirius look at him. Sirius' grip on his waist tightened. There was barely an inch between their lips, Remus just had to close his eyes and-
“Rem.”
Their lips brushed while he was talking.
Remus let out a sharp breath against Sirius' lips. He had not realized the moment in which he had closed his eyes.
“Are you sure-”
Every word Sirius was saying was torture, their lips touching so faintly Remus was not sure it even happened.
“Can you stop talking?” And just kiss me already?
But Remus had no time to add that to his sentence because Sirius crushed into him, his hands pushing Remus' shoulders against the wall, his hands crawling into the fabric of Remus' jumper, their bodies pressed together and their lips on each other.
Remus' heart began racing even faster, though had not known that was possible. Sirius' lips were soft and he could still taste the chocolate they had shared before. He could barely move, just hold onto Sirius' tie and shoulder as if his life depended on it. And maybe it did.
After the first second, their kiss got more tenderly. Sirius stepped back a bit, pulling Remus with him whose lips just seemed to not want to leave Sirius'. He felt his hands moving down his chest, stopping on his hip while Remus himself cupped Sirius' cheeks in his hands, holding the hair out of his face.
James had said while you are kissing you can't breathe but Remus was able to breathe just fine. Sirius was warm against him, their lips slightly open, he had not even noticed that had happened. Remus was just overwhelmed and he did not want to let go of Sirius Orion Black ever again in his life.