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Wei Wuxian awoke in a cold sweat. Eyes shot open and he stared into the dark, only the faint light of the moon reminding him where he was. But that didn’t change when he’d been, mere seconds ago.
A stifled groan next to him, a voice husky with sleep, “Wei Ying?”
Oh. He supposed he was shaking. He shifted away from his slowly waking husband, chuckling apologetically, “Ah, Lan Zhan, go back to sleep. Just kicked the blankets off, got a little cold is all.”
He didn’t move, pretending he was going back to sleep himself. But instead of a quiet hum, maybe a slight shift in position, and an easy return to his previous stillness, he heard Lan Zhan sleepily but purposefully sat up.
“Wei Ying, look at me,” Lan Zhan said.
Wei Wuxian sighed, then complied, turning over to face him.
Lan Zhan’s slight frown. The crease between his brow. The way his eyes hung heavy with sleep but sharp as they examined his husband’s face in return. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but let his expression soften, a gentle smile replacing his nervous grin.
But as the tension eased, he also couldn’t stop the pricks of tears rising to his eyes. He only hoped it was too dark for Lan Zhan to notice.
“I’m fine, Lan Zhan. Really,” he whispered, his earlier laughter echoing in his ears, reverberating against the near silence. He leaned in close, closing his eyes and nuzzling back into his husband’s chest. He knew too well that he could only feign sleep right now given how fast his heart still raced, but maybe Lan Zhan could at least get his rest.
“Another dream?” Lan Zhan asked softly, not even acknowledging Wei Wuxian’s obvious lie. He draped an arm around Wei Wuxian and pulled him closer.
“Yeah,” Wuxian let out a huff of laughter, “Just another dream...” his grip on his husband tightened involuntarily.
“Tell me about it.”
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whined, cracking his eyes open to better pout at his husband, “You don’t want to hear about boring things like my dreams now do you?” His voice had a teasing edge to it, but not the intended effect. Lan Zhan flinched, closing his eyes to the word “boring.”
“Things that trouble you are never too boring,” he said, earnest. Stubborn.
Wei Wuxian let out a breath and pushed himself up, leaning against the headboard, “No. Really Lan Zhan, it was nothing. I’m sorry I woke you.”
Those words were met only with a long, patient, but unwavering stare.
The stalemate lasted what felt like minutes, but was truthfully likely only moments before Wei Wuxian broke, “Fine, fine. If you need to hear all the embarrassing things that keep your poor husband up at night…”
“If it would help you to tell me, I want to hear it,” Lan Zhan said, voice steady and calming, like the lakes Wei Wuxian had grown up on, “You wouldn’t be telling me for me. You would be telling me for you.”
A part of him – the old part of him, the part of him trained to be everything, but to expect nothing – wanted to laugh, to tease Lan Zhan for being so serious about something as trivial as a dream.
But he had grown past the need for such a mask, particularly around Lan Zhan. That old part of him was no longer in control. Lan Zhan had seen, accepted, and loved everything behind it. And a larger part of him wanted him – wanted someone – to finally know. His voice took on a mumble as he averted his gaze, the old part of him still carrying a bit of power, “It was that dog.”
To his credit, Lan Zhan didn’t so much as blink in surprise, only murmuring, “Which dog?”
“It’s… it’s… like I said it’s silly,” at the admonishing look from Lan Zhan, Wei Wuxian sighed, “Fine, not silly, just… I don’t know, of all the things I could have dreamed about, this one shouldn’t have bothered me.”
A longer stare, a tiny encouraging nod, from Lan Zhan. Not interrupting, not commenting, only acknowledging.
“It was…” Wei Wuxian narrowed his eyes, trying to remember that time all those years ago, “Did I ever tell you where I was taken after our – ah – gardening expedition in Qishan?”
Lan Zhan shook his head, stiffening at the reminder of the Wen indoctrination, all those years ago. He said nothing, but Wei Wuxian leaned into his touch as Lan Zhan began carding his fingers through Wei Wuxian’s hair.
“Ah… well… see, Wen Chao had this… this dog…”
By the end of the story, Wei Wuxian appreciated just how much Lan Zhan was trying to maintain a calm demeanour, but still, he looked just about ready to try and revive Wen Chao himself just to kill him again, perhaps more brutally this time. Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, was trying his best to keep the tone light, the problem simple, but the memories… the dream…
That lunge... right at the end... teeth... chasing... closing the gap.
He shook his head, “Anyway,” he smiled, gaze fixed not on Lan Zhan’s face, but his shoulder, “It’s all over now, right?” he yawned, stretching his arms theatrically, “Maybe now that I’ve told you, I can finally put it in the past and–”
“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan cut him off abruptly, gently tipping Wei Wuxian’s head back by the chin, lowering his own head bringing their eyes in line with one another, “That never should have happened.”
“Aha, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian gulped, even now reddening at this kind of proximity with his soulmate, “You remember how I was. A night in a dungeon is the least I de–“
“No. You did nothing to deserve any harm. No one does, least of all you.” The tone was firm. Affectionate, but adamant.
“Lan Zhan, I–“ He had carried that memory through two lifetimes. Told himself he shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it. Hid it. Told no one. Had been ashamed at how ludicrous his paralyzing fear had been. How he, one of the top ranked youths in the cultivation world, who would face worse even before he left Qishan, had cowered at the beast, still had nightmares of it, just because it was a dog.
Lan Zhan shook his head, continuing, “You were afraid. That wasn’t wrong to feel. The only wrong was that you were there in the first place. Do you understand?”
Wei Wuxian nodded quietly, letting the words sink in, the cool stream of acceptance flowing through him, relieving points of tension he hadn’t known he’d been holding so long.
“You will tell me next time you feel afraid, no matter what the cause? Let me help you?”
And Wei Wuxian’s face finally cracked into a warm, genuine smile. He nodded, leaning back into Lan Zhan’s chest, “Mmhm… I will,” he paused, then sat back up, “On one condition,” he said, suddenly stern, though with a hint of playfulness in his eyes.
Lan Zhan frowned, “What condition?”
Wei Wuxian smiled, “You’ll tell me if you’re afraid, no matter what. You’ll let me help you too?”
Lan Zhan blinked. Once, twice, then a soft smile grew on his face as well.
“I will.”