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Logan stares, unwavering, at the shiny pink-red patches littering his forearm. A pink eraser lies innocuously on the desk, only the end rubbed raw revealing what purpose he has put it to.
Useless, his mind whispers. What do you think this is going to accomplish? What do you think the others would say if they knew you did this? What would Remus say? If he knew you lied?
Logan doesn't want to think about that. He swallows convulsively, squeezing his eyelids tightly shut as tears start to burn. Remus knows that he self harms. It was inevitable that the subject would come up at some point. But Logan claimed all that was behind him. It is something I did in my past, he admitted, and never once hinted at his present. He's tried so hard not to do it. But now-
Well. He plucks the eraser from his desk and shoves it into a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind. At least, that's what he hopes will happen.
It's not.
Instead, he finds himself tapping his fingers on his desk, the rhythm just a little to the left. Thinking about the eraser. About the safety pins neatly lined up in his drawer, too. The thumb tacks. The razor in his attached bathroom. The kitchen knives downstairs. Roman's sword. Remus's morningstar.
Logan swallows and stands up. He doesn't know what Remus will say, but he has a feeling that he's about to find out, because he doesn't trust himself alone anymore. The thought frightens him. If he can't trust himself, who can he trust?
As if on cue, Remus taps at his door in a flurry of knocks.
"Come in," Logan says, and his voice is surprisingly steady. Remus rushes in, skidding to a halt when he sees the expression on Logan's face. He frowns.
"Lo Lo?" He asks cautiously, letting the door latch behind him. "What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry," Logan says miserably and his face crumples as he lets himself drop to the bed. Remus rushes over, putting an arm around his shoulders and tugging him closer.
"Why are you sorry, Lo?" Remus asks, eyes searching Logan's face. "What happened?"
"I- I lied to you by omission," Logan says. "Before. I- I said that I self harmed in the past, but I led you to believe that I no longer did it, and I-" He shows Remus his arms. He closes his eyes, afraid to see the hurt filling Remus's expression, or worse- the disgust.
"Oh, Lo Lo," Remus whispers instead and Logan finds himself carefully tucked in Remus's embrace. "Are you okay?"
"No," Logan admits, and his eyes spill over. "I- I was just coming to find you, actually, I don't want to hurt myself more, but I do, and-"
"It's okay," Remus murmurs, surprisingly quiet. He kisses Logan's forehead, smoothing the slightly sweat-dampened hair back. "It will be okay, Lo. Whatever you need, I'm here."
"Can you stay with me?" Logan requests. "I just- I don't want to be alone right now."
"Wish granted!" Remus says, adjusting their positions so they're more comfortable on the bed. "Wanna watch something? A space documentary or something? I don't think any of my faves would be good right now..."
"Yes, please," Logan says, grateful. "I- I think that would help." He carefully doesn't look in the direction of his desk, and Remus doesn't ask. Just snaps his fingers, and the TV turns on, a familiar documentary playing. He pulls a blanket over the two of them, and Logan rests his head on Remus's shoulder.
"Thank you, cephy," he says.
"No prob, Bob," Remus says. "Uh, do you need first aid?"
"It can wait," Logan assures him. "It- it wasn't that bad, but I should do something about it later. I just- I don't want to move right now." He flushes. Remus smiles down at him.
"I'll hold ya to that," Remus advises. "But okay. Black holes, here we come!"