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Mai was walking on the deck back and forth, back and forth. She really shouldn’t have been so bored, but she was. Things worked out well, she was on her way home, and Zuko was here, and Ty Lee, and Azula, and she should have been satisfied, but she was restless.
It wasn’t like her. She was supposed to sit in the dark corner and throw knives at the wall. But here was she, slowly pacing the deck, trying to figure out what was happening with her. There was joy. Definitely joy. They did everything. They won the war. They took impenetrable Ba Sing Se. Avatar was not a threat any more. They were going home. Zuko was coming with them. With her. So she could relax and enjoy the journey. But there was also a confusion. Zuko was with them, but also… wasn’t. He was the one sitting gloomy and silent in one dark corner or another, or sullen and nervous sitting with the three of them. Shouldn’t he have looked happier? And then, the home. Her parents and Tom-Tom were in Omashu, and while initially she felt almost excited to be alone in their lavish mansion across the Royal Palace, now she wasn’t sure that it would feel like home after half a year away.
Ty Lee dropped from wherever she was practicing her acrobatics.
“The morning is so nice!”
The morning was indeed nice, after the night chill and before afternoon’s scorching heat the air was pleasant, with light breeze and tender cheerful sunlight washing over them. Mai didn’t feel like admitting it aloud though.
“Just a respite before the horrible, with nowhere to go.”
“That’s why you keep measuring the length of the ship! I thought you would be snuggling with Zuko, getting reacquainted or something.”
Mai thought so too, but she was not willing to say it. “It not that cozy on the ship to snuggle.” Than she changed the subject. “Are you returning to your parents’ house?”
Ty Lee grew serious. “I left for a reason, you know. Not just because the circus was in town, and I couldn’t help myself.”
“I don’t know, actually. But fine. So are you back to the circus?”
Ty Lee seemed to consider it. “Nah. It kind of lost its luster after Azula’s visit.”
“You could stay in our mansion, if you want to. It’s mostly empty.”
“No, thanks for the offer. I think I’ll go for our city house, too. There is an old aunt house-sitting it, and I’ll be perfectly comfortable and close by when Azula needs me. And we can visit each other whenever we can! it’s going to be fun!”
“So your parents are not in the Caldera?”
“They should be on their island, at the family estate, they hardly move from there these days.”
Mai had no idea what was going on with Ty Lee’s family, but if her bubbly friend was resolutely silent on this topic, she wasn’t about to pry.
“It is amazing though, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“What we did. Defeated the Earth Kingdom! Took over Ba Sing Se! Ended the threat of the Avatar! Got Zuko back! Just three girls!”
“Two girls and Princess Azula.” Mai corrected. Of course, Azula was also a girl, but still, she was more Azula than the girl, and all the honor of their victories belonged to her. Still, Mai felt proud to be there. All those years at school studying Ba Sing Se and all the failed attempts to capture it, from Lord Sozin to Prince Iroh… and now they came and conquered. And Prince Iroh was in chains on their ship for treason. And Prince Zuko was coming back home with them.
Azula had never told them what exactly had happened in the crystal catacombs. Just that the Avatar is finished, Zuko proved himself, and Iroh committed treason. She was not the one to question Azula, not in her face certainly, and she was happy Zuko is back with them, but a needle-like feeling bothered her. Did Azula kill the Avatar? Did Zuko help her? She remembered the Avatar, from their months of running after him, and before, in Omashu. He seemed a silly boy, powerful, but not dangerous. Well. He was a military target. It had to be done, probably. She shuffled that feeling back and tried to stop herself from thinking about it. They won, and they weer going home. With Zuko.
Zuko didn’t seem that excited to go home though.
“But yes,” Mai continued talking to Ty Lee, “it was amazing. I can’t quite believe we did it.”
“What did we do?” Azula’s voice appeared from behind them.
“We won.”
“We won at everything, Mai and I were just discussing how awesome it is!” Ty Lee added.
Azula stepped into the morning light. “Have you had doubts?”
“No.” Mai answered. “But I didn’t expect it to be that easy.”
“Well. They underestimated me.”
“Always a fatal mistake.” Mai allowed herself a little smile.
Ty Lee grinned in response, and Azula let a satisfied breath out.
“Have you seen Zuko today?”
“No.”
“Oh, well. I guess he forgot how to be around people. Has to be re-trained, but we have time until we reach home. I rely on you, Mai.” Azula’s smile was indulgent, almost happy.
As if in response, Zuko strode on to the deck, disrobed and jumped into the water. Everybody leaned to look as he started swimming back and forth along the ship.
Azula rolled her eyes “So dramatic!”
Mai couldn’t help but agree. She called a sailor who was passing by and asked him to bring a large towel without tearing her eyes away from the lithe figure in the waves below them.
“Isn’t it cold and dangerous?” Ty Lee was clutching her hands in worry.
“He probably is fine, remember he was at sea for three years. Must have missed all the water in Ba Sing Se.” Azula was nonchalant, but Mai could see a slight worry in her, too.
As for herself – she wasn’t sure what she felt. She trusted Zuko to know what he was doing. Well, to an extent. On the other hand, with his obvious lack of excitement about going home, may be he was doing something unbelievably stupid. Wouldn’t be the first time. On the third hand… he looked good while doing it.
After several minutes of swimming Zuko climbed the ship and was back on the deck with them, dripping water and grinning. Mai covered him with a towel, using it as an excuse to get closer. He nodded and smiled.
“What was that about?” Demanded Azula.
“It’s stiffing. I got tired of being cooped up here.”
“You spent three year on a pathetic little boat. And don’t tell me that the company isn’t infinitely better.”
“I won’t.” He actually smirked at his sister. That was more like Zuko Mai wanted to see.
She looked him over stealthily. Well, they were on the deck with everyone else, and Zuko that she remembered was often practicing half-naked to avoid burning his clothes, and he did just undressed for a swim, but still, it suddenly felt so awkward to be close and look at him now. Awkward or not, she still had a good look at Zuko’s body. He was so lean, that it almost could be called gaunt, except he was definitely in a great physical shape, as evidenced by his swimming stunt. And he was pretty. He probably wouldn’t believe me, thought Mai, but, damn, he is pretty. She smiled, suddenly full of ridiculously pleasant feeling.
Zuko dried himself off, dressed, and thanked her curtly.
Azula came closer. “Did you do that sort of thing for three years?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know” Zuko grumbled and disappeared back wherever he came from. Probably his room.
Ty Lee sighed. “It’s getting hotter outside.. I almost want to swim myself. What about you?” She asked Mai.
“Blearg. I don’t mind swimming, but not here. Some nice clean hot springs or a swimming hole… would be nice.”
“Oh, that is such a great idea! Maybe we could all go together on the beach!”
Mai was sure that the four of them on the beach would not be a great idea, but she didn’t say anything, just nodded noncommittally.
It started to get really hot, and Mai couldn’t bear to stay on the deck any longer. The climate was stupid, the deck was crowded, and Mai didn’t like the views. She was quite sick of the Earth Kingdom by now. So she went to her room and sat there until the lunch, contemplating nothing in particular.
At lunch she saw Zuko again. Quiet, retreated in himself, making cutting remarks and being vaguely angry. At least Azula looked entertained by him. There was a slight feeling of unreality – the four of them, together, as if they were kids on a playdate, like many years ago. Except they were not kids. They were coming home from the war.
Ty Lee was trying to be their personal sunshine, as usual. Mai could do without extra cheerfulness, but if it worked for her best friend, she would persevere. Azula reminded Zuko all the things he missed during his exile. It looked helpful, but coming from Azula, it mostly served to remind that the life was going on without him as if nobody noticed he wasn’t there. As if nobody missed him.
That wasn’t true. Three years without Zuko were pretty crappy. They probably would have been crappy anyway, but they would have been better. And Mai was sure Ty Lee missed Zuko. And Azula herself missed Zuko, and as for Mai… She kind of still missed Zuko. Her old friend. A boy with a brilliant smile, who sweet and annoying, and ridiculous, and rash, and honest, and.. something squeezed her heart, and she peered into this new stranger trying to find the boy she missed.
She thought she found him back in Ba Sing Se, during their weird date. When the chance encounter with that girl Jin, who apparently dated him thinking he was a bad circus performer, let something break through. When he ran after her, and they talked, and they kissed, she thought Zuko was back with her. But now he was back to his shell. As if he was an enchanted prince, she thought, from an old tale, whose enchantment was broken only during the kiss. She was a grownup now. Almost. There were no fairytales with happy endings, where kisses could solve all problems. But they surely helped.
She really needed to talk to Zuko. Alone.
After midnight, when everyone – meaning Azula, Ty Lee, and also Lo and Li, were asleep, she knocked on Zuko’s door. There was no answer.
“Are you asleep? it’s Mai. Can I come in?”
The door opened.
“Is everything ok?” There was concern on his face, and Mai smiled.
“Yes. I just wanted to talk to you. Without anyone else.”
“Oh, sure.” He waved her in, closed the door and lit the candles on the little table. The room was standard, same as hers. Narrow bed, table, locked boxes by the wall. He didn’t really have any possessions to bring with him from Ba Sing Se, but then she didn’t have much either, except for her small armory of knives.
The bed was still made up – what did he do here, alone in the dark, if not even trying to sleep? - and Mai gingerly sat on it. It was either that or the floor, she told herself, but she still felt awkward. Zuko dropped on the bed by her side, far enough so they didn’t touch. They sat in silence. It used to be so comfortable, to sit side by side, without talking, just doing whatever they were doing or thinking whatever they were thinking. Mai used to loved those moments. Now it was just awkward.
When she knocked she had in her head a lot of things to say and questions to ask. But now all of them seemed irrelevant of forgotten.
“Was it the same - the boat, the room? The one you were...”
“Smaller.”
“How was it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“Fine.”
“Okay”
“If you ever want to talk..”
“Okay”
“I missed you, you know.”
“I missed you, too.”
Mai felt pretty stupid. How was one even supposed to talk?
“You still have your hair in the silly buns.”
“They are not silly. I like them.”
“I didn’t mean that they are bad. They are nice.”
“Your hair is different.”
“Yeah, well. I cut it off, and it grew...”
She touched the locks falling on his face, then combed them back with her fingers. “I like it”
“I have no idea how to put it in the top knot now.”
“We’ll think of something.” She kept combing through his hair, and he didn’t pull back, instead he closed his eyes and edged closer to her, for better reach. Mai carefully massaged his scalp, until Zuko sighed and opened his eyes.
“It was nice, thank you.”
Mai’s hand reluctantly fell back into her lap. It was impossible, all of it. She had no idea anymore how what to do. She knew what she wanted – or had a vague idea that she wanted to feel good, and Zuko to feel good, and the life to have at least of semblance of meaning, whatever that meaning might have been.
She sighed. “The world is horrible, and there is nothing we can do about it.” She didn’t even mean to say it aloud, but Zuko responded immediately.
“Yeah, I guess.” Then, after a heartbeat. “How do you go on?”
“Little things make it easier.”
“Like what?”
“Like this.” She took his hand and weaved her fingers with his, then brought it up to touch her cheek. “Or like this.”
He smiled. “I think I got it. Like this?” He brought her fingers to his lips.
“Yes.” His understanding wasn’t bad.
Mai leaned in to kiss him. Unfortunately he seemed to get the same idea at the same time and their foreheads bumped. He winced, but he looked so… Zuko-ish at that moment, that she didn’t mind their pain.
“Not like that,” she giggled, rubbing the hurting spot. Then leaned in again, more careful this time, and the kiss happened. It was their best kiss so far, but Mai imagined they could stand to practice some more.
Zuko’s arm snaked around her back and settled comfortably hugging her. Mai in return circled his waist with her hand. The room felt warm and cozy. Mai’s head found a good place on Zuko’s shoulder to lean against. Zuko’s cheek rubbed against her head. She again didn’t have any words, but right now they didn’t seem to need any. They sat together, holding each other in silence, full of things they couldn’t say. The fire in candles flickered and went out, but nobody noticed it.
Mai jumped at the light of dawn sneaking into the small round window. “Did we fall asleep?”
“I didn’t” Zuko grinned sitting in the same position on his bed as he was before. “But I think my legs did.” He got up and stretched.
“I should go back.”
“It’s cold outside.”
“I can persevere a couple of minutes to my room.”
“It’s almost sunrise, let’s go see it!”
Mai didn’t care much about sunrise, she would rather catch several more hours of normal sleep in her bed, but Zuko looked actually excited about it, so they went on the deck together.
The sky was pink, which made Mai immediately think of Ty Lee and her unflagging optimism. She was against optimism on principle, but Zuko was by her side, grinning and holding her in his warm embrace, and the view of the sun rising from the horizon woke something like hope in her. And when they kissed again under the tender morning sunlight, Mai thought that maybe the world could be made less horrible, after all.