Chapter Text
She can carry a plane. She can stop a nuclear attack. She has ended a wars. But nothing she ever did seemed enough. No matter what she does, there is always something else to do. For a superhero, there was no such thing as a “rest day”. She was either working at her actual job, getting bossed around by Snapper or off saving someone. Most of the time without even a thank you. She doesn’t do what she does for the praise or the glory, she does it because she can. But is a thank you really that hard for upending her life for humanity?
She will forever be thankful for being Supergirl. She’s grateful that after a long day of barely scraping past in her reporter job she can chase the sunset through the clouds to catch her breath, if only for a fleeting moment.
She will always be grateful that she has that escape if she needs it. The only problem is, being Supergirl has ruined her life and destroyed her relationships, both platonic and romantic. All of her friends and family members are constantly put in danger to get to her. The amount of friendships she has lost from keeping lies is almost immeasurable. Not to mention, all of her romantic relationships are transient, lasting a month at most. It’s not like she doesn’t want to date, she really does, but it’s more that she stops herself before she can fall in love because she knows that if her partner got hurt from her being Supergirl she would not be able to live with it.
Logically, she knows her family is safe but that doesn’t stop the terror eating away at her in every waking moment, even leaching into her dreams.
The worst part is that is that no one understands. No one can comprehend that she was just 13 when everyone and everything she had ever known was gone. Just like that. No one grasps the fact that she was 13 for twenty four years. Stuck. Twenty four years blurred into a lifetime, where all she could do was relive the moment that got her there. No one gets that as soon as she crashed on Earth she saw everything. She heard everything. Everything was new, everything was foreign. Her one mission, the one reason she didn’t lose hope in the empty void of the Phantom Zone was gone, he’d grown up. The only thing she recognised in this strange place didn’t even understand what she was saying, and yet he dared to wear her house crest.
Even with that trauma, she still manages to sew on the fake smile each morning before she leaves her loft because she knows that a single crack in her facade would break her entirely. She wears the smile as another mask even more than her glasses, she wears it so often that nobody can realises it’s insincerity.
And so each day, she waits, waits until she’s alone and sits down in the corner of her shower. She curls up as small as she can to try and seek solace in the familiarity of being trapped. She tries to recreate the silence she experienced for twenty four years. You would think that she would be terrified, even after all that time, but in reality- it’s calming. It brings her back to a time before she heard everything, every scream, every whisper and every cry.
No one knows half of what she’s been through. Not even Alex. She keeps it all contained because she knows that everyone has their own life, their own struggles. And she knows no one else would be able to cope with everything that has happened to her. She knows because most of the time, she can’t even cope with it.
She has the weight of her world on her shoulders. Even the man of steel isn’t strong enough to carry it. This burden, is hers, so every day she carries it, alone.
She knows it’s unhealthy, but in her worst moments -when she’s grieving the loss of an entire civilisation- she’ll be fighting, her crimson cape billowing out behind her and she’ll stop. She just stops. Just to feel a pain she can deal with. And in these moments, she will curse her invulnerable exterior or wish her heart was as tough as her skin.
This isolated loop she’s found herself in is strenuous and she’s stuck. She knows that she needs to let someone in, all the way, so that they can see her pain and her scars and help her through it. To hold her when she cries, and to be an unwavering presence in her darkest moments. She needs a new constant in her arduous life, a constant that isn’t her ceaseless struggle. But she cannot bare the thought that her experiences would cause them pain.
It’s been almost 40 years since she lost everything. And in the months leading up to the anniversary, she shuts down. Completely. She goes to the DEO to retrieve her mother’s hologram and then she leaves, and doesn’t turn back. She doesn’t say goodbye. She flies to the Fortress of Solitude and locks herself in. She doesn’t sleep because her dreams are plagued with pain and torment. She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t work at Catco. She stops being Supergirl. She is entirely off the radar. She breaks. And it took a week for anyone to notice.
Catco didn’t notice because she quit.
The DEO didn’t notice because she wasn’t needed that week.
James didn’t notice because he was in Metropolis.
Kal-El didn’t notice because he was on paternity leave.
J’onn didn’t notice because he was on Mars with M’gann.
Nia didn’t notice because she was helping Brainy with a side project.
Alex didn’t notice because she was on holiday with Kelly.
Lena didn’t notice because they hadn’t spoken since the Crisis.
Nobody noticed she vanished.
It wasn’t until Sara Lance and the Legends showed up requesting the help of Supergirl that anyone acknowledged her absence.
Upon realising Kara wasn’t there, Sara tried calling. No response. So she tried Alex, even if it was still vaguely awkward- it was an emergency. 3 hours later, the Legends and Kelly were in Kara’s apartment with Alex pacing in front of them.
It wasn’t long before James and Superman arrived from Metropolis. Alex was calling Catco when they got there, the “What do you mean she quit!?” could be heard before they even opened the door. Sara was making some calls to Barry and Kate.
Soon, Kara’s loft was overcrowded and so they relocated to the DEO. When they got there Sara pulled Alex aside, “Hey, Alex. Have you called Lena?”
To which Alex responded, “No...” trailing off.
“Alex, I know they’re going through a rough patch but don’t you think she would want to know?”
“Ok, but you’re coming with me.” At that moment Kate Kane walked past, “Hey, Kate. Do you know Lena Luthor?”
“Yeah, I know her. Why?”
“Cool, you’re coming with us.”
The trio left the DEO and had arrived at L-Corp 10 minutes later, Alex flashed her FBI badge and they were knocking on Lena’s door a little while after. Before Lena could even answer they entered the office.
Without looking up, Lena Luthor queried coldly, “Agent Danvers, to what do I owe the pleasure?” She signed a document with a flourish as she gazed up, monetarily going wide-eyed at the presence of Kate Kane before her stoic expression returned. “Hey, Luthor” Kate said with a smirk.
Lena stood up, and sauntered over to her drinks table and offered the others a drink she poured 4 glasses of scotch, and handed them out, she brought the glass to her mouth and without warning Alex began to speak, “Kara’s missing.” Lena choked on her drink, making her nose burn. “We don’t know how long she’s been gone.”
Lena scoffs, “What, so you’ve assumed I happen to have something to do with it? Local Luthor kidnaps Super! I can see the headlines.” Alex lunges as if to punch the CEO but Sara steps in before she gets filed for assault. “Hey, hey. Calm down Alex. No, I remembered when I last worked with Kara and she wouldn’t stop talking about you so I thought you might want to know.”
Once Sara had calmed them down they all headed to the DEO.
The four joined the group around the circle table in the middle of the DEO. There was an awkward silence before Caitlin spoke, “When was she last seen?”
Only a chorus of I don’t knows echoed around the room.
Alex broke the silence, “Well I last saw her on Monday just before I left for my holiday, has anyone seen her more recently?”
No one had.
Suddenly Alex yelled, “Brainy, track her heat signature!” He began tapping away at the computer keyboard when Cisco joined him, speeding up the search.
“There is no sign of her, which means she’s probably off-world or underground.” announced Brainy.
Thinking out loud, Alex pondered, “I already checked with mum to see if she’s in Midvale, which she isn’t and it’s not like she has anywhere to go off-world, Argo vanished in the Crisis. Unless she’s gone to visit J’onn? Someone get a hold of him.”
A few minutes later J’onn and M’gann appeared on the large screen at the head of the room, an “I’m sorry Alex, she’s not here. Keep us updated.” could be vaguely made out between bursts of static before the message faded out.
There was an extensive silence when Sara began, “So, has she been kidnapped?”
Before Alex could get a word in, spinning on his chair, Brainy piped up, “That is the most likely scenario, there is a 96.43% chance she has been taken.”
Lena, who hadn’t spoken since she left L-Corp, started to speak, “I recognise that she has many enemies, but who would want to take her? Last time I checked, my mother and brother were dead. There aren’t many people who are as capable as them, surely?”
Hours had passed and Alex was beginning to feel frantic and she started pacing across the room. She was surrounded by the Legends, Team Flash, Batwoman, all of the DEO and 3 paragons and no one knew where Kara could be. They were all doing everything they could, scouring recent CCTV camera footage, they even had half the DEO searching on foot to see if they could find her.
About twenty minutes earlier, Lena had wandered off to avoid the chaotic environment, she had barely managed to stumble into a random room before she started to have a panic attack. Backing into the wall, clawing at it with perfectly manicured nails, she fell apart. She hadn’t spoken to Kara in months and now she had just disappeared. 20 minutes later, when she finally remembered how to breathe, she looked up to see a platform with a box in front. The box had a hole in the top surface, a hole that looked like it would fit a specific object.
Her fingers were grazing the rough ridges inside as Alex barged in aggressively. She looked up and startled when she acknowledged the presence of the other woman “Luthor! What are you doing in here? This room should have been locked!”
“The door was unlocked when I got here.” She said simply, turning around to face Alex. As she turned, she revealed the empty slot in the box.
“Where is the crystal?” Alex demanded, stepping closer, pointing accusingly.
Tuning back around, continuing to trace the outline, Lena responded, “Oh, is there meant to be a crystal here? Before you start to blame me, there was nothing here when I got here. You can search me if you must.”
Grumpily, Alex retreated. “I need to tell the others, that crystal is the last thing she has of Krypton, aside from her cousin. If, no, when she gets back, if it’s not here she’ll be devastated.” She turned on her heal and left the room, closely followed by Lena.
As soon as they left, Alex immediately darted over to Clark, “Alura’s crystal is missing. Whoever took Kara must have known about it as well, this narrows down our suspects to people in this room which is not particularly useful.”
Lena was still hovering a few feet behind Alex as the conversation continued, but she had zoned out. The chance of Kara having been kidnapped was slowly declining. Even though she is not religious in any way, shape or form, she just preyed that wherever Kara is, she is safe.