Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was exhausting. He could no longer bear the weight forcing his shoulders down. Forcing him lower than he had ever gone. Too long… Conan took his glasses off and turned cerulean eyes to the moon. It had been entirely too long since he had been Kudo Shinichi.

Scoffing, Conan tore his eyes away from the night sky and pushed his thumb and forefinger between his eyes. No one even remembered the teen genius Kudo Shinichi any more. Ran, heartbroken but still loyal, was getting stretched too thin. She waited for Shinichi to return, and Conan watched her worry every day. He could not continue doing that to her.

Sure, he had Hattori, but their rivalry prevented him from relying on Hattori too much. Like Ran, too, Hattori had a life to continue. He saw Conan as the teen he was, but Hattori could only spend so much time with a grade schooler. Haibara had resigned herself to their lot, despite her attempts to help Conan regain his original form as Shinichi.

Conan stopped himself from crossing his few friends from his list. Any further and he would upset himself all over again. He already knew no one really put much stock in Shinichi anymore. Mostly the few that knew his true identity just told him to live his life as Conan. The part of him that still persistently pursued the Black Organization and wanted to make everything go back to normal refused to give up.

Well, that actually meant most of Conan wanted to keep trying. Keep fighting. Keep putting all of the pieces together. The extra ten years of memory Conan should not have made it impossible for him to accept his lot. Flickering above him made Conan look up as the streetlight he stood under went out. Darkness concealed the boy from sight, but he didn’t mind as he just closed his eyes.

Shinichi would be 19 years old had he not turned into Conan. Already, three years had gone by. In those three years, he had barely gotten anything on the Black Org. Shaking his head, Conan put the large glasses back on. He looked up at the street light far in front of him, still lit unlike the one he stood under.

Three years of being a child all over again, and it just felt like the answer kept getting further away. Every time he thought he got another piece of the puzzle, he found out it was even larger. This case, he frowned, was proving impossible. It was too much. Everything was spiraling out of his control and just seemed hopeless.

All alone and afraid to turn to any of the few that knew who he was, Conan did something he never thought he would do. Technically, he hadn’t done it yet, he supposed. Conan twisted his fingers in his short brown hair, mussing it up. Despite his detective side objecting, very loudly, he would go on with it.

Determination in check, Conan began running, no longer willing to wait beneath the unlit streetlamp. His read super-powered shoes slapped against the uneven pavement and his lungs, better than when he first turned into a child, pushed against his ribcage. Not far from the residential district he had stalled in there was a museum.

That very night the museum introduced another gem to the world. However, the museum received a notice by none other than Phantom Thief Kid, saying he would steal that very gem. Of course, the notice wasn’t so easily read and was quite the mystery all on its own, just like Kid’s normal notices.

Kid announced his plans, detailing just how he would steal the gem, but no one had been able to piece together those particular clues. No one but Conan, that is. A few of the policemen, and inspectors, asked if he had figured it out due to his knack of getting closer to Kid than anyone else. Conan denied their questions, hoping to use Kid’s blueprint for his own purposes. If any of the policemen were there, his goal would remain unfulfilled.

By the time Conan reached the skyscraper opposite the museum he was panting. No one took notice of the 9 year old boy, though, since Kid’s entire fanbase was screaming just across the street. It still amazed Conan that the thief actually had a regular following, but he supposed he shouldn’t be too surprised since he, too, had quite the fanbase when he was Kudo Shinichi.

Patting his hair back down into its semi-orderly appearance, still unable to get his cowlicks to stay put, Conan checked his watch. Good. He still had time. Back to running, Conan made his way to the roof of the building. Although the police hadn’t figured out Kid’s point of entry, they would probably check at one point or another.

Bursting onto the roof, Conan whipped around, checking that Kid hadn’t arrived yet. Slumping when no one was in sight, Conan looked back up to the night sky. He could barely see any stars in the sky. Part of his brain supplied, the lights from the city obscure the starlight, but he pushed the thought from his head. Conan’s object of admiration, instead of the stars, was the moon.

It was a full moon, beautifully framed by the sparse clouds hovering in the sky. Sometimes it seemed like the Moonlight Magician was really like the moon. He was so clear, easy to see, but hidden from view at the same time. Conan had very few cases that honestly made him smile, since most involved murder. Kid, however, proved to be Conan’s favorite. Despite Kid’s status as a thief, Conan respected the magician. There had even been times that they teamed up, not to mention their past deals.

Having kept his word for years, Conan still had no clue who Kid was behind the disguises. “Waiting for me, Tantei-kun?” Conan spun on his heel and had his tranquilizer dart at the ready by habit, stopping when he remembered that was the last thing he wanted. Lowering his arm and clicking the watch closed, Conan took in Kid’s appearance.

Kid was the same as ever, with his white get up and cape. Just above his razor sharp smirk, as always, Kid’s eyes glinted playfully. The ever present monocle and top hat made it difficult to discern precise characteristics of Kid’s face, but not many trusted their eyes much anyway since Kid was a master of disguises. “Well,” Kid playfully pretended he was miffed, “since you’re not going to talk Tantei-kun-“

“Wait, Kid!” Kid turned back to look at Conan, surprised by the urgency in the boy’s voice. Conan looked away and bit his lip, wondering just how he would start this conversation. It was strange, what he was thinking. Especially considering the other party was a renowned thief and he was a detective.

What’s wrong, Tantei-kun? Cat got your tongue?” Playful tone aside, Kid carefully examined the boy. Conan was, by far, his favorite critic and Conan sounded very distressed. Normally the boy, as per his actually age, was well put-together and sharp-witted. It was strange to have Conan sound so distressed.

Wind shuffled past both of them, carrying the sound of the below chaos up to the boys. Neither moved, but their minds spun faster than any normal person’s mind could. Finally looking back up at Kid, Conan took off his glasses, “I…” he chewed his lip. It was much more difficult to say out loud than he thought it would be. “I have a favor to ask. Of you.” Conan scowled when he realized how stilted his voice sounded.

Kid almost responded with a teasing, “If it’s for me to turn myself in, I’ll have to decline Meitantei.” Forcing his poker face to stay in check, Kid worried about Conan. The little detective was acting strange. “What would that be?”

Wringing his hands together, Conan quietly spoke up, “I want to talk.” Kid blinked slowly, his smile frozen against his cheeks. Now that was an odd request. Especially since it came from the favored child. Flexing his gloved hands carefully, Kid thought through Conan’s words. It could be a trap, meant to stall him long enough for capture. However, he knew Conan wouldn’t try that since it never really worked anyway.

Conan’s eyebrows drew together so deep they almost touched. Kid seemed to be confused so he resigned himself to explaining. Forget the fact that the whole point was so that he could finally explain it to someone. “You know the truth about me, right? I got turned into a kid, and now I have to keep my identity a secret lest they find out. It’s… lonely.” Conan dropped his eyes and stared at the concrete beneath his feet. It was pocked and worn from the weather so high in the sky, and so much less embarrassing than looking at the thief.

Warily stepping closer to the child, Kid asked, “Then why don’t you talk with the other detective? Or someone else?”

Eyes still lowered, but wavering with the urge to keep an eye on the elusive thief, Conan thought about it again. It all seemed like trivial excuses, but they still held strong when he went over them again. No, the truth was… he wanted to go to Kid in the first place. There was just something that made him trust the thief. Conan clenched his fists and felt his blunt, chipped nails dig painfully into his palms. What explanation could he give Kid that would make sense? The truth?

Looking up, into Kid’s eyes, Conan nodded. Yes, the truth. “I trust you. I-“ feel a connection with you. Like we’re the same. Conan wouldn’t say that unless he had to. Fidgeting under Kid’s silent stare, Conan turned his eyes away again.

Static erupted between them as one of the inspectors shouted something on the radio. Listening closely, Conan heard them say they were on their way up to the roof where he and Kid were standing. It looked like time was up. Pulling a blank expression over his features, Conan looked up at Kid; the magician’s face was still frozen in his cheerful poker face. Chances were, Conan thought, Kid wouldn’t agree. It would be strange if he did.

Conan grit his teeth. He shouldn’t have tried. Warmth encircled him, surprising him. Conan hadn’t even registered the chill against his skin until he was enveloped in Kid’s arms. Was that… Kid’s response? Kid danced back a few feet and tipped his hat. “Later, Tantei-kun.” He jumped off the rooftop just as the roof door slammed open. Conan paid no mind to the men that ran past him, breathless.

As they all checked over the edge of the roof, searching for some vestige of Kid, Conan puzzled out the hug. Blankly walking away, Conan ignored the uproar that started up in the opposite building. Was the hug supposed to be an apology? Or was it an agreement? Could it have meant something else?

Conan hugged himself, curling just slightly to ward off the cold. It felt so much colder after Kid’s warmth left marks on his skin. The way back home, despite taking longer because he was walking, felt like seconds, as Conan was lost in thought.

Since Ran was too busy studying for college, Conan entered his room without any issues. If Detective Mouri ever noticed Conan’s comings and goings, Conan would eat his shoes. Just inside the small room, Conan opted not to turn on the lights and crawled into his bed. At first the room was sparse, but three years of residency filled up the corners with books and the occasional cartoon figure. There were a few knick-knacks Conan accumulated as gifts, but everything was neatly put away belying Conan’s age.

“Aw, Tantei-kun! You won’t even say hi to me?” Conan jumped up and stared in the corner of his room. Perched against Conan’s desk, as if it was perfectly normal that he was there, Kaito Kid grinned back at him. Taking off his glasses, Conan squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was not expecting Kid to visit his room right after a heist. Scanning over the thief, Conan wondered just where the stolen gem was hidden.

Kid glanced around the room, humming when he saw how bare it was. The numerous books were expected, but—Kid picked up one of the masked Yaiba figurines—there were a few surprising things. Everything in Conan screamed at him to jump the thief and arrest him, but Conan forced his muscles still and just watched Kid.

Pretending he didn’t see Conan crouched stiffly on the bed, Kid stood and walked around the room slowly. Even with the slow, languorous movements, Kid circled the entire room in a few seconds. Other than books, a desk, and a bed there was little more to Conan’s room. Pouting, Kid peeked into Conan’s closet then started laughing.

Frowning, Conan tried to figure out what was so funny. Nerves grating on him, he tersely asked, “What?” Kid peeked back at the boy, still in his usual blue blazer and lighter blue shorts. It looked like the little detective was too tired to change out of his clothes. Turning his eyes back to the closet, Kid hoped that was the case.

“You have way too many of this one outfit.” Conan flushed and looked at the plain blue bedding. It was comfortable. Plus, his gadgets from Agasa were made to go with the one outfit, so he could carry them around without causing suspicion. Kid tilted Conan’s face up, close but wary of anything Conan could do to imprison him. “You wanted to talk, Tantei-kun?”

Grumbling past his deepening flush, Conan knocked Kid’s hand away. “I didn’t mean in person.”

Kid tilted his head, wondering what Conan meant. How else were they going to talk? It wasn’t as if he would give Conan his number, since he couldn’t bring himself to trust the genius that much. There was no insurance against Conan tracing his number back to civilian identity as Kuroba Kaito. “Tantei-kun?”

Conan’s eyes flitted across Kid’s face. He worked through what Kid was probably thinking and shook his head. “L-Letters.” He cursed the stutter. It was somewhat embarrassing for him to say he wanted to exchange letters with someone. Conan rarely turned to writing as a medium, since others used to suggest he follow in his father’s footsteps as a mystery novelist.

“Letters?” Kid blinked again, struggling to maintain his mask. Conan just kept blowing him away. Letters seemed even worse than exchanging numbers, though.

Sighing, Conan eyed the wall just past Kid’s shoulder. “Not mail them to each other. Just… leave them at a predetermined point. Or something…” Kid hummed. It was a much slower method of communicating than just talking, but he could see why the detective would be reluctant to share his feelings in person. He, himself, was on edge by being in Conan’s room. Although he hid it well, Kid was well and prepared to run away at the slightest sign of Conan trying to capture him.

It was also difficult, in general, to speak of such things as Kid thought Conan wanted to. Conan, not unlike Kid in that respect, rarely spilled his doubts and fears. However, he should certainly have them stored away considering his past. Kid examined Conan’s face as the boy continued averting his eyes. Everything must have piled on so heavily, one thing on top of another to make Conan turn to anyone, let alone Kaito Kid.

What could cause the strong boy to look to Kid, a criminal, for such a thing? How many unspoken feelings and thoughts had weighed on the genius detective’s mind? Kid gently stroked the boy’s cheek. To fear telling his few allies… Cerulean locked on gold-specked azure as Conan’s eyes snapped to Kid’s. Deep beneath the clear, bold surface of Conan’s eyes, Kid could see a bit of the emotions threatening to come roiling to the surface. “Alright.” He was just as surprised as Conan by his answer. The word had just come forth as he stared into Conan’s eyes.

Conan’s eyes fluttered for a few moments. At no point in time had Conan actually dared to believe Kid would agree to the insane proposal. Kid swooped off the bed towards the window, and, before he could stop himself, Conan grasped the edge of Kid’s cape. “Wait! What about where we… put the letters?” His voice trembled, lightly enough that Kid wondered if he really heard it, but he was assured when Kid just grinned back at him.

“I’ll let you know when I find a suitable spot.” After all, they couldn’t just leave their heart-felt letters anywhere! As Conan’s eyes shifted with his thoughts, his hand still firmly grasping Kid’s cape, Kid let his own thoughts run loose. He knew of a few spots between Ekoda and Beika that might serve as good locations. Both he and Conan could reach those places easily and without arousing suspicion.

“How-I,” Conan frowned, his brows furrowing close together again. Smiling down at the distressed detective, Kid bent just low enough and pressed his forefinger right between Conan’s furrowed eyebrows. “Wha?”

“Just say it Tantei-kun.” Conan pouted and Kid couldn’t resist wondering what he would have looked like had he been in his teenage body. Shinichi probably would have been just as cute as Conan when he pouted. Adding a blush to his mental picture of Shinichi, Kid decided he would be even cuter.

Not knowing what was going through Kid’s head, Conan reworded whatever he attempted to say just moments before. “I don’t know how to start.”

Conan had a point. Kid tapped his finger against his chin in thought, brushing aside the inappropriate and out of place mental picture he just conjured up. It would be awkward for anyone to just spill all of their deepest secrets on paper, even if that was the whole point. “Just say whatever you want to say, Tantei-kun.” Kid patted Conan’s head, smiling back at the scowl he received. “You can tell me about your day, or whatever else you want.” Conan sighed with relief. Although it should strike him as strange to update a criminal on his daily routines, it seemed better than just giving away all of his weaknesses.

Unable to resist the cute look of contemplation Conan was unwittingly providing, Kid pressed a kiss to Conan’s forehead. The wide-eyed shock Conan gave Kid only brought the thief more satisfaction. Cackling, Kid swept the window open and stepped onto the ledge. “Bye bye Tantei-kun! It’s past your bedtime, so I’ll be going now!” With a wave Kid jumped back, snapping open his hang glider and letting the wind pull him away from the Mouri house.

Conan stared after the white triangle drifting away, his mind a mess. Since when… was Phantom Thief Kid so affectionate?!

Chapter Text

Kaito was and wasn’t surprised to already see a letter hidden away in the tree. After some deliberation, he decided the small cubby in the middle of the tree, located in a public park that was usually empty, was the perfect spot for Conan and him to exchange their letters. He had only given Conan the directions for their little cubby the night before, so he had expected to find nothing when he checked the next afternoon.

Looking at the orange and red sky Kaito amended his assessment. It was closer to evening than afternoon. Digging the folded piece of paper from the perfect little nook, Kaito blinked when he realized how tiny it was. Part of him was expecting Conan’s letters to start out as 12 pages of finely written lines filled with Conan’s astute observations.

Eagerly unfolding the torn square of paper, Kaito tried, and failed, to hold back his smile. At least one of his expectations held true; Conan had very pretty penmanship. In perfectly swooping letters, Conan wrote so little Kaito couldn’t consider it a letter. Reading it over again, Kaito felt his grin widen, stretching his cheeks.

The fall breeze threatened to steal the letter so Kaito clenched it tighter, frowning when a crease spread from his fingers across the handwriting. Leaves rustled all around and Kaito could hear the park’s small animals chattering in the distance. Reassured that no one else was around, Kaito looked back to the tiny slip of paper.

Thank you for talking with me, KID. I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused you.

Kaito could only imagine Conan’s face as he carefully put pen to paper. Grinning sheepishly, Kaito rubbed the back of his head, messing up his already messy brown hair even more. A small part of him told him it was strange that he was so happy to get such a simple note, but Kaito pushed the nay-sayer away.

Putting his own letter in the hole, Kaito gently folded Conan’s note and put it in his pocket. Walking away, Kaito could only grin as the fall leaves crinkled beneath his feet. Everything about his evening was going perfectly. As the sun set in a myriad of oranges, reds, blues, and pinks, it lit beautifully on the similarly colored trees all around him.

Conan reached into the tree, curious as to what Kid wrote in response to his—very—short message. Quickly opening the letter, Conan’s eyes scanned over the message. Shaking his head, Conan realized he was smiling at the magician’s silly ways. It shouldn’t have surprised him that Kid would write somewhat like he spoke. With a raised brow at the misused tildes in the letter, Conan chuckled. He supposed those were supposed to indicate Kid’s tone?

Hello, Tantei-kun~ How do you like our little park? Sometimes I love to walk around and take in the sights~ It’s very beautiful, even more so in the spring! Take in the sights and enjoy yourself~ ;)

Just underneath the winking face was Kid’s signature doodle with its monocle. Even though he normally wouldn’t admit it, it was comforting seeing Kid’s cheerful letter. There had been a small fear that Kaito would go off and ignore Conan’s deal. Looking up from the letter, Conan decided to take in the entire park instead of just the small part where the tree waited.

The park was mostly trees and a dirt path winding throughout its entirety. Following the path, Conan gaped when he came across a small bridge. It passed right over a pond, larger than average but not quite large enough to be a lake. He stopped at the railing and climbed up to look down into the water. It was a clear color, running over green moss he could see coating the rocks at the bottom. Every now and then a fish would flit past his vision and Conan would follow its movements until it swam out of his sight.

Jumping down Conan continued his walk. Kid was right; the park was beautiful. Following the path further as it twisted through the tree, Conan caught himself wistfully wishing he could see it in the spring. When he saw a park bench on the path in front of him, Conan ran over and tossed his bag on the painted green seat. Taking out his notebook and a pen, Conan sat down and bent over the notebook, writing out his reply.

Reading over his reply once more, Conan nodded and neatly folded it to put in the cubby hole. Conan patted the pocket holding Kid’s letter, and he smiled. For some reason, he couldn’t wait to read Kid’s next letter.

Dear KID,

Thank you for your letter. I took a walk around the park, and it was just as beautiful as you said. Have you seen the pond just down the path? I’ve never seen such clear water! The artistic detail on the bridge was also amazing. Although some of the paint has faded, I could see the barest hints of design work etched into the railing.

Did you know there were fish—Kaito shuddered at the idea of the beady eyed things—in the pond? I watched them for a while. What is it like in the spring? I can’t imagine it being more beautiful than this.

Humming, Kaito realized Conan avoided any heavy conversation. He didn’t mind the avoidance though. It was probably hard enough for Conan to be writing letters with a thief of all things. Reading through the letter again, Kaito looked up to the path. He had seen the bridge, sure, and walked over it plenty of times.

However, Kaito had never noticed the design work that Conan claimed to have seen. Jogging over to the path and then along it, Kaito crouched at the bridge. Just as Conan had said, all along the railing were tiny pictures and symbols trailing against each other. It looked like the shapes were only there aesthetically, rather than having any specific meaning.

Walking back to their tree, Kaito breathed in the crisp air and did a little skip. He was talking to his Tantei-kun! Albeit in letters, but still! Curling up at the base of the tree, Kaito took out his notebook and pen. He was a genius when it came to making puzzles, but a normal letter took him a bit more time.

A little over an hour later there was barely any light in the sky. The sun was mostly set as Kaito proudly looked over his letter to make sure there weren’t any embarrassing mistakes. It would be terrible if his Tantei-kun thought he was an idiot because he missed the “e” in “the.” Standing up, Kaito wiped his pants of anything that could have stuck on while he was sitting on the ground. Grinning, he folded the letter and slipped it into the cubby hole. So far, he was enjoying the little exchange he had going with Conan. Crossing his fingers, Kaito hoped for everything to keep up as it was.

Of course it’s more beautiful. The sun shines through the rustling green leaves, lighting the world up in vibrant, lively colors. So Kid was a bit of a romantic? When you walk down the path, the trees encircle you and it feels like the whole world is at your fingertips.

I never noticed the design work on the bridge! You have such a keen eye, Tantei-kun~ It looked like random doodles to me. I rarely go over the way of the bridge, but there are quite a few spots in the park that are wonderful for relaxing~ They’re quiet, solitary… ;)

Dear KID,

I found a few clearings that were covered in leaves. It’s almost like the perfect spot to escape from the rest of the world. It’s been a long time since everything has been so calm and quiet for me.

I went back to the bridge and looked at the designs closer. They did appear to be just doodles. There wasn’t anything to indicate a purpose for the etchings in the wood, other than aesthetics. Aesthetics? Kaito knew Conan wasn’t actually 9, but it was still strange seeing the word used as if it was normal. Are there any other secret spots I should explore?

Explore? Tantei-kun, are you always like a detective? Why don’t you explore on your own? I left some puzzles for you in some secret spots. Your first hint is…

43465cbnvg by StrawberryPanda2 on DeviantArt

Dear KID,

Your puzzles are fun, as always. I only managed to finish the first part before I had to leave. Ran gets worried if I stay out too late. Well, she d oesn’t get as worried as she used to, since she has college to prepare for.

I should think you have college as well. I can’t see you working a regular job, with your monthly heists getting in the way. I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t ask too much about your daily life, right? I can’t help but be curious though. Sometimes I feel like I want to know everything about you. Kaito KID. And the person behind the monocle. Kaito blinked. That was… quite a bold statement for the detective. He made it seem so… normal though. Kaito scratched his cheek. Well. He was sure he was blushing.

I look forward to completing the rest of your puzzles. I’m assuming there is something to look forward to at the end of the line? Like a secret spot in the park few people ever stumble upon. Upon. Kaito chuckled. He must have gotten that one from his father. Well, I’m looking forward to it, whatever it is.

“Edogawa-kun.” Conan look back at Haibara then grimaced when he could see the detective boys backing her up. Ayumi pouted cutely at him and both Genta and Mitsuhiko glared down at him. “Where have you been going lately?” It took all of Conan’s willpower to keep a straight face even though his mind flashed towards the park he and Kid frequented.

Every day, for the past two weeks—or was it more—Conan and Kid exchanged letters. In Conan’s case, he would go right after school, read Kid’s letter, write his own, and leave. The next day he always found Kid’s response. They had yet to touch on the topics that started the exchange, but Conan found it hard to bring up his adverse feelings. He always enjoyed the letters Kid wrote, and honestly just wanted to keep their conversations in a happy place.

“I’ve just been going to the park to think.” Haibara narrowed her eyes at Conan’s response, not pleased in the least. “Really! I just like the peace and quiet. Sometimes I take a book and read until it gets too dark.”

Ayumi cooed and attached herself to Conan’s arm, “You’re so smart, Conan-kun!” Edging away from the girl’s advances as much as he could with her clinging to him, Conan rubbed the back of his head. Although he appreciated her affections, he couldn’t see her as anything other than a friend that was ten years younger than him. Even with Ran no longer available—that still hurt, why did he think of her—he found it difficult to accept a relationship with a grade school girl.

“Why don’t we join you today, Edogawa-kun?” Haibara looked down her nose at Conan and he cursed the fact that they were all taller than he was. It was a matter of fact that children would grow over a three year span, but Conan barely grew at all. Looking back to when he really was only nine or so, Conan remembered that it took a few more years before he hit his growth spurts and shot over the other kids.

Having the memory of the previous experience did not make going through it all over again any easier. Mind racing, Conan tried to think of a way to get rid of the Detective Boys without alarming them. “Well, I think you guys would be bored.” If he said he just wanted to be alone, they would stick to him even harder, thinking it was a cry for help. Thinking about it again, Conan figured it could be seen as such since he was going to Kaito Kid for companionship.

“We could play baseball!” Genta threw his arm up in the air, excited at the prospect of the game Conan had no love for. At the very least, they could play soccer, but he gave up that fight long ago.

“Sorry, Genta. Maybe some other time. I’ll hang out with you guys tomorrow.” Conan slipped his arm from Ayumi’s grasp and ran away before they could stop him again. He would have to remember to tell Kid he had to hang out with the kids the next day, so he would be late.

On the train heading home, Conan banged his head against the back of the seat. The few other passengers glanced at the child riding the train alone, but otherwise paid no mind to him. Conan, noticing the brief attention, smiled and bowed his head in apology for interrupting the other passengers. He looked up at the scrolling message indicating the next stop and sighed.

It would be silly to go back to the park once he got back in Beika. Even though he purposely noted he would be late to the park the next day, he completely forgot to add it. All he could think about was a response to Kid’s overly excited letter. With Kid’s daily antics—he was surprised to learn from Kid that he was just as flamboyant in real life—occupying his mind, he had not bothered to remember the end of his dolefully average day.

Sighing one more time, Conan hoped Kid wouldn’t misunderstand the next day. Trying to think more optimistically, Conan hoped that, even if he were late, he would still arrive earlier than Kid would. Dropping his head down, Conan gave up that hope. The chances that Kid would get to the park and leave before Conan even arrived were especially high considering who Conan was spending time with in lieu of going to the park. The Detective Boys had a nasty habit of running into crime whenever they hung out, so Conan might as well resign himself to, possibly, not even making it to the park.

Kaito slid his hand into the tree, smiling as he thought of what Conan wrote for him that day. His eyes lit up when he saw the delicately curved letters that belonged to Conan, and found it even harder to consider the boy the age he looked. Even knowing Conan was actually 19 year old Kudo Shinichi, it was hard to see a 9 year old as a teenager. However, the constant letters they shared made it easier and easier for Kaito to mix the two in his mind.

Yet, at the same time, they made it harder and harder for him to stay away. Conan was definitely a deduction nut. When he spoke about Sherlock Holmes, Kaito couldn’t help but think of Hakuba. There were times, though, that Kaito caught how much of a romantic Conan could be.

With each letter, Kaito had to fight off the urge to hunt down Conan and pull him into a hug. More than anything, he wanted to curl up with Conan at the trunk of the tree as they wrote and just watch the young detective spell out each word, a look of concentrated determination worked over his expressions. When Conan said he loved hearing Sherlock books read out loud, Kaito almost offered to read it out loud for the boy.

It was funny, too, how much more polite Conan was in his letters. He wasn’t nearly as bold as he was in person, and Kaito felt his heart swell with pride at the thought that not even Ran Mouri got to see this side of Conan. With these letters, Conan gave Kaito something he gave no one else.

Shaking his head of the weird thoughts—they were only getting worse as time went by—Kaito forced his focus back on Conan’s letter.

Did you really dye your classmates all blue? Kaito was quite proud of that prank. It was hard to pull off as fast as he had, but somehow he had managed. Seeing everyone in blue from their hair to their shoes reminded him sorely of the small detective. His mind went back to the night he visited Conan’s room and saw everything in some shade of blue. Even as he pulled the prank on his classmates, Kaito wondered if blue was Conan’s favorite color.

I’m sorry, but I’m surprised they haven’t kicked you out of school. Do you even remember what your classes are about? Kaito was surprised. At first he thought it was a snide remark, not very like Conan, but then he continued reading—Sorry. I mean it as a joke, not an insult. I know you’re brilliant. Kaito puffed his chest out. His Tantei-kun thought he was brilliant.

Then he registered that Conan just tried to tease him. Reading back over the few sentences, Kaito felt his grin slowly widen. Conan just tried to tease him! Granted, it was awkward as all hell, but that just made it cuter in Kaito’s opinion. The rest of the letter was just a general response to Kaito’s previous letter, but his smile persisted.

Conan teased him and called him brilliant! Coming from Meitantei, that was a compliment of the highest order. Quickly jotting down a suitably flirtatious response, Kaito put it in the tree and looked back at Conan’s latest letter. It felt like he was getting somewhere with Conan. Instead of the generic and polite letters Conan seemed to prefer, he got something more. Sure that his smile couldn’t get any wider, Kaito pressed the folded letter to his lips and slipped it into his pocket. Every day, the letters he got made his days so much more worthwhile.

Chapter Text

Conan trudged wearily down the dirt path he had grown used to over the days. Already, the sun hid beyond the horizon and only a sliver of pink was left to fight against the dark of the night. It was a running joke that the Detective Boys ran into crime wherever they went, but it was an apt joke. Again, the children were exposed to death and danger. They constantly reassured Conan they were fine, even though he never voiced his concerns, but Conan knew children should never have to know just how twisted people were.

Kaito pressed his hand to his heart, relieved he managed to hide on time. If Conan saw him at the usually empty park, he would easily piece together that Kaito was Kid. Watching the boy from behind the tree, Kaito stepped lightly to avoid alerting the detective to his presence. Conan never even looked up as he settled at the base of the tree, where Kaito normally sat, and took out his notebook and pen. Kaito would have grinned, had the detective not looked so upset.

Mid-letter Conan jumped up, just remembering he should read Kid’s letter. Hastily opening the letter and scanning over it, Conan was glad when he could still smile at the thickly sweet words Kid often wrote. Glancing down at the half-written letter he was working on, Conan debated throwing it away and just responding to Kid. Conan pursed his lips. No, he needed to tell someone these things. Otherwise, he would keep them to himself until they poisoned him from the inside out.

Slowly curling back down onto the crunchy leaves, Conan looked up at the clear skies through the bare trees. There were a few stubborn trees that held onto their leaves, but the majority were already prepared for winter to coat their branches. Picking his pen back up, Conan continued writing his letter.

Kaito itched to get away, feeling like he was intruding somehow. He had expected Conan’s writing face to be more determined and less… sad. It was, however, a boost to his ego when he heard Conan chuckle as he read through Kaito’s letter. Eventually Conan tore the pages out and folded them together. Once he put his letter in the nook, Conan gathered his things and walked away. He didn’t seem as upset as when he came, but Kaito was still worried by Conan’s lack of spirit.

Sure that Conan wouldn’t walk in on him checking their secret spot, Kaito quickly ran over to the tree and pulled out Conan’s letter. What could cause Conan’s bad mood? Would Conan really tell him? Or would Conan just respond to his letter, without explaining what had hurt him so much.

Dear KID, Conan’s letters always started the same way, and Kaito smiled at how formal Conan was sometimes.

I had to come to the park later than usual today. I hope you haven’t already come and gone. Yesterday I promised to hang out with the Detective Boys, because they were getting upset with my frequent visits here. They almost followed me here too.

Honestly, I enjoy my time with them. Even though they’re much younger than me, they’re my important friends; despite their pushiness. I had to play baseball again, since Genta and Mitsuhiko like the game so much. Ayumi isn’t as excited about it as she used to be, but she clings to me much more too. Genta hit the ball too far, and I went to go fetch it.

Following the calculated trajectory, I still couldn’t find it. Then I noticed it went through someone’s window, but no one seemed to care. The others followed after me after a while, and they insisted we knock to get our ball back. There was no answer so Genta suggested we just sneak in and get the ball. The letters were darker at some points, making Kaito think Conan kept his hand still every now and then. It certainly went against Conan’s righteous side to break into someone else’s home, but Kaito couldn’t see why it would upset him so much.

They were dead. The whole family. Ayumi screamed when she tripped over the little girl. There was a woman, a man, and their daughter. It was sick! There was blood everywhere, and I don’t think they’ve ever seen such a brutal crime scene. They shouldn’t have to. Children should never have to walk into a scene like that!

Haibara- Conan struck through the name and Kaito guessed that was when Conan got up to get Kaito’s letter. Haibara helped keep Genta and Mitsuhiko from getting their prints on the scene. I had to calm Ayumi down. We called the police, gave our statements, and Ran and Kogoro came to pick me up. After Ayumi calmed down, they tried to be tough and said they wanted to find out who did it.

It actually wasn’t that hard to figure out what happened. There weren’t any tricks, and it was easy to guess who committed the crime. It was just so wrong. It was a family friend that was just jealous of their happiness. They didn’t even do anything wrong, and he still beat them to death.

What could drive a person to kill their close friend for such a reason? How could anyone bring themselves to kill? I just don’t understand. Every day someone else dies at someone’s hands and it just never seems to end. To kill an innocent little girl. Why?

Kaito’s fingers dug into the edges of the paper, unintentionally creasing the pages. He agreed with Conan whole-heartedly. Why did anyone have to get hurt? There was never a reason good enough for killing. Hell, Kaito couldn’t even stand others getting hurt at his heists!

There’s more. We cornered him, and he explained everything. Before I could stop him, he shot himself. I should have figured out he had that gun. I should have realized that when we drove him into the corner, he would do that. If only I had been faster, he would have lived. To corner someone with your deductions and then let them kill themselves, is the same as murder.

Murder? Kaito almost dropped the pages. Is that what Conan thought? Did he think he murdered the man? His fingers clenched even tighter and his teeth ground together. Conan did not deserve to blame himself for that man’s evil. Before he could stop himself, Kaito slammed his clenched fist into the tree, gritting his teeth harder when he felt the bark dig painfully into his knuckles.

It’s happened before, and I couldn’t stop it then. When will people stop?

I’m sorry, I know this isn’t something anyone likes to hear. KID, I’m so tired of being unable to save anyone. Thousands on cases, thousands of deaths, and thousands more that get away with it. Was his Tantei-kun tired of cases? Kaito looked up at the path where Conan disappeared not long before. After reading the first part of the letter, he was even more worried. Eyes flitting back to read the rest, Kaito frowned when he saw it was just a half-hearted reply to his own. Part of him sighed with relief that Conan had cheered up at least a little bit, but that didn’t change the fact that Conan’s worries went deeper than Kaito had thought.

At most, Kaito thought, Conan was just lonely because he had to dumb himself down and couldn’t be as open about himself with anyone. However, Conan seemed to be tired of the very thing he loved most. Refolding the letter, Kaito sat on the ground to write his response.  There had to be more than just the number of cases. Conan was a strong person, and he had gone through many cases even before he was stuck as a 9 year old, then 6. Kaito would have to check up on his favorite critic to get to the bottom of this.

Conan looked forward, bored out of his mind. Ran insisted on treating him out, since she had been ignoring in lieu of college. Her idea of treating him out was fast food, the movies, and after-movie ice cream. The entire time, she held his hand tight in her own, making Conan think something happened. Or it had to do with the latest case she just found out Conan stumbled into.

“Shinichi!” Huh? Conan’s eyes snapped up to Ran as her hand slipped from his and she followed after something. There was no way that was Shinichi! Conan was Shinichi! Following after Ran, Conan gaped when Ran did a roundhouse kick just above the stranger’s head. He grimaced when he realized that was what Ran actually planned on doing had it been Shinichi.

Pulling up to the long-haired brunette’s side, Conan blinked in confusion. He was definitely Shinichi, but this guy looked exactly like him! The only difference was how their hair was styled. Tilting his head, Conan studied the gaping teen, surprised when he could only see more similarities. Their faces, their eyes, their height, bone structure, hair color, pretty much everything was the same.

“Um, I’m sorry? I’m not this ‘Shinichi’ though, miss.” Ran slowly lowered her leg, the red seeping from her vision. It was only then that she saw that it really wasn’t Shinichi. Gaping, Ran hurriedly bowed.

“I’m so sorry! I thought you were someone else! Are you okay?” Ran checked over the stranger, hoping she hadn’t caused him any harm.

Shaking his head, the stranger lifted his hand, revealing a leaking drink from when he squeezed it out of fear. “I’m fine. My drink, however, has suffered grievously.” He grinned at Ran and shrugged. “No need to worry. I’m Kuroba Kaito, a magician.” Bowing, Kaito presented Ran his hand holding the spilled drink, but instead of the cup there was a beautiful rose.

“Oh my,” Ran muttered as she blushed. Accepting the rose, Ran bowed her head sheepishly. “I’m really very sorry. You just look like an old friend of mine.”

“You mean this Shinichi? Do we really look that much alike?” Ran flinched when she heard Shinichi’s name and her eyes drifted off. Conan watched the girl from the corner of his eye, worried about her.

“You look exactly like Shinichi-nii-chan, Kuroba-nii-san.” Kaito blinked and looked down at Conan. Acting like a child, Conan rocked back and forth on his heel and batted his large eyes innocently.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Ran sighed and looked down at Conan. “Yeah, exactly alike.” She shook her head and turned her eyes back up to Kaito, “Again, I’m really sorry. I can get you another drink?” Standing tall, Kaito held his hand up to stop Ran.

“It’s fine!”

Ran furrowed her brows together and insisted, “But I made you spill your drink and I almost injured you!”

Humming in thought, Kaito looked up to the sky, smiling when he saw the wide blue expanse uncovered by clouds. “Then, why don’t you just join me for a drink?”

Crouching down to Conan’s level, Ran asked him, “How about it, Conan? Would you like to stop for a drink?” Conan looked between Ran and Kaito. Between the two it didn’t seem like he would get away in time to go to the park outside of Beika. Mentally sighing, Conan prayed that Kid wouldn’t be able to go either for whatever reason.

Looking up at Kaito, Conan almost pouted like a child. There was no way that would happen. Especially two days in a row? Resigned, Conan forced a wide smile on his face, “Yeah!” Bowing out of the way, Kaito motioned for Ran to lead.

Fidgeting in his spot, Conan froze when Kaito’s piercing azure eyes pinned him to the spot. Frowning, Conan couldn’t help but think those eyes were familiar. Leaning over the table so he was close to Kaito’s face, Conan examined the surprised orbs staring back at him. On closer inspection, Conan could see the barest hints of gold splattered in the blue of Kaito’s eyes. Why were his eyes so familiar?

“Conan!” Ran walked back to the table, her latte in hand to see the two boys silently staring at each other with only a few inches between them. Jerking in surprise, Conan nearly fell over on top of Kaito’s drink, but Kaito stopped him from hurting himself. Kaito’s chair screeched loudly against the floor as he stood and caught Conan with an arm wrapped around the child’s chest.

Sighing, Kaito looked behind Conan and tried to help the little detective back to his own seat, but frowned when he saw it too had fallen. Shrugging, Kaito pulled Conan the rest of the way towards him. Conan’s feet dangled dangerously close to the table, but Kaito swooped his other arm beneath Conan’s knees and pulled Conan into his chest like a princess. Scowling, Conan kicked out his legs to try to get out of the girly hold.

Grinning down at Conan, Kaito held on tighter. “Hold on. I’ll put you down in a second, Conan-kun.” Carefully, Kaito set Conan on the ground, feet first. Grumbling, Conan almost grimaced when Ran spun him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Conan! That was very rude of you. You could have hurt yourself, too!” Sighing, Ran stood back up and bowed at Kaito. “I am so sorry, Kuroba-kun.”

Laughing it off, Kaito waved his hand to his side, “It’s really fine, Mouri-san.” Kaito was gladder than ever that his father insisted he trained himself to have a poker face. When the little detective cutely leaned over the table to stare into his eyes Kaito almost forget… well, everything. Conan hadn’t yet figured out he was Kid, Conan looked like a 9 year old child, and they were in public. The urge to close the two-inch distance between them had almost been too much.

Then he ended up with an arm full of Conan, and Kaito honestly didn’t want to let go. Keeping the frown that threatened his poker face to himself, Kaito wondered why. Oh, he knew he was definitely attracted to Conan. However, he had been attracted to others before, but he never felt such a strong urge to just touch them.

Still smiling, Kaito righted his chair and patted Conan’s head. His hand still tingled from where Conan’s brown hair touched. He hadn’t even thought before reaching out and doing that. Staring down at his hand, Kaito mentally called it a traitor.

Straightening his hair, Conan glared up at Kaito. “Ran-nee-chan? I have to do my homework. Can I go home now?”

“Oh. Sorry, Conan. Let me just-“

“I can go by myself! It’s been a while since you’ve had fun, right?” Frowning, Ran tried to argue, but Conan grabbed his bag and ran off when her mouth opened again. “Bye Ran-nee-chan!”

Reaching out, Ran could only stare as Conan disappeared in the crowd, “Conan!” Sighing, Ran looked back at Kaito, “I’m sorry about that.” Kaito shook his head as his eyes stayed on the spot Conan disappeared long after Ran had slumped into her seat and dejectedly started drinking her latte. Was he an idiot? How could he let himself get a crush on the detective?

Chapter Text

“Shinichi, come home.” Conan’s voice caught in his throat. Why did Ran sound so… defeated?

“Ran,” he softened his voice, “you know I can’t.” Conan heard a long sigh on the other side and it was silent. Conan searched his mind for something else to say, “Just-“

“I’m tired.” Conan stopped again. Tired? Ran was. “I can’t-“ Ran sighed again and Conan didn’t take the moment of silence to speak. “Shinichi, I’m so tired. I-I can’t wait anymore. Please, come home.”

“Ran,” Conan bit back the panic rising in his throat. “I-I can’t. I can’t-“ Conan’s voice broke, “I can’t come home yet. This case-“

“What case, Shinichi? Why won’t you tell me anything?” Ran didn’t even sound mad. She just sounded… worn out. Tired. “How long have you been away now? Two years? What is this case?”

Conan pursed his lips and stared at the bright red bow tie in his hands. What could he say? He couldn’t tell Ran the truth. Not until he captured the Black Organization. Until then, Conan was about to speak through the voice modifier but Ran spoke up first, “I’m sorry Shinichi. I’m just so tired. I never know where you are, or how you’re doing. I… I can’t take it anymore. Goodbye, Shinichi.” The dial tone screeched against Conan’s ear and he had to fight back the tears. Ran had finally given up.

Conan’s eyes shot open and he scowled as he rubbed at the tears edging his eyes. It had already been a few weeks since that conversation. Every time he tried to get a hold of Ran as Shinichi since then, Ran refused to speak to him. It wasn’t like Conan didn’t understand.

The small part of him that loved Ran since he was a child—a real child and not a result of a failed drug—had thought, hoped, that she would wait until… Until when? Forever? What if Conan never solved the case? What if the Black Organization found out his identity before he could take them down.

Then Ran would never even know Shinichi was dead. All she would know was that Conan died, and Shinichi had finally disappeared for good. All those times, Ran worried so much for her childhood friend, and Conan knew it was tearing her apart. Still, he had never heard Ran sound so… defeated.

Getting up, Conan realized he wouldn’t be going back to sleep after his dream. Every time he thought of the way Ran’s voice had been so weary, Conan’s heart clenched painfully. How could he do that to the girl he loved more than anything? Ran was right, she couldn’t wait forever. Conan knew it was for the best that Ran moved on and forgot all about Shinichi.

After Conan came to that conclusion, though, he realized he had nothing left between himself and hopelessness. Ran helped him fight hard every day, and never give up. Without her, Conan just couldn’t… anything, anymore. Solving cases, trying to defeat the Black Organization; that was all just going through the motions, and Conan knew it.

Grabbing his notebook, Conan left to go leave a letter to Kid earlier than usual. It was easy to sneak out of the detective agency, since he had two years to practice. He was tired, Ran was tired, all the fight in him just seemed to die even more each day. An endless fight with no light at the end of the tunnel. Just how long could Conan keep running in the dark before he couldn’t take it anymore?

Dear KID,

I had a nightmare last night. Or, more accurately, just an hour or so ago. I came here as soon as I woke up. I don’t know why. It wasn’t much of a nightmare, actually. More like a memory. Since that’s what it was. I dreamed about something that happened, and I still-Kaito frowned. The entire last sentence was crossed through, as if Tantei-kun changed his mind. It was rare for the little detective to leave any such marks on his letters, save the last one he wrote.

I’m not actually sure how to say it. Or write it down, I suppose. The dream was a bad memory. Ran doesn’t know I’m Shinichi. I call her every now and then, so she doesn’t worry.

It wasn’t enough. She told me she was tired. Were those tear marks on the paper? No, he had never seen Conan cry. Not once. There was no way those were tear marks smudging the ink. Maybe it rained. Kaito’s mind unhelpfully supplied that it was clear skies all night. Ran told me to come home, not knowing I’ve been next to her this entire time.

KID, I don’t know what to do. I’ve never heard Ran sound so exhausted. I can deal with her anger, and anything else she throws at me! I don’t even know how to explain what it was like. Ran said goodbye.

I can’t see the point anymore. Maybe I should just give up on getting my life back. Maybe Shinichi Kudo really did die two years ago. Everyone has already forgotten about Shinichi, and I don’t know what to do. The paper was crinkled, and the ink was smudged. Kaito’s eyebrows drew together, and his fingers itched to touch Conan again. How could he comfort Conan? How could he drive Conan to keep going, and not give up? He was just a thief Conan felt a bond with, despite his inopportune feelings for the little detective. Kaito dropped his head and breathed in the paper, tears and ink and all.

I know I can’t ask Ran to keep waiting for me. I may never get my body back, after all. I know there is a chance I might die before that even happens. Why was there a difference between Conan dying and never getting his body back? Kaito’s brows lowered from worry to confusion. He never did find out why Conan was a child. There are so many things that could go wrong.

Even if I do get my body back, what happens then? I still have to go into hiding, hiding? Why did Conan have to hide? Who was Conan hiding from? A growl started deep in Kaito’s chest. There was so much he needed to know. Just as Conan said before, Kaito wanted to know everything there was to know about the little detective. Everything. And now he was finding out there were a lot more questions he needed to ask.

If I don’t have to go into hiding, I still lost two years of my life. High school, college. I’ve really lost everything. Shinichi did die that day. Kaito snapped his hands together, unable to keep reading. This wasn’t like the detective at all! This was his favorite critic, the genius boy. The one and only Shinichi Kudo turned boy wonder Conan Edogawa! He was strong.

Kaito fell to his knees. Conan, Shinichi, whatever or whoever he was, was so strong. He shone so brilliantly, that Kaito could swear he was a precious jewel, even more so than the Pandora. Scoffing, Kaito opened his eyes and stared down at the dirt between his knees.

He really had fallen hard. For a kid too. No, Conan was no kid. Conan was 19 year old Shinichi, and he needed Kaito to see him like that. He needed just one person to need Shinichi and not Conan. Carefully folding the letter, Kaito ignored the burning desire to read the rest. That didn’t matter anymore. None of the letters mattered.

The entire time, Conan desperately needed him, and he was too busy joking around and turning their attention from the real problem. How long had it been since Conan gave up? How long had Co—Shinichi. Kaito grit his teeth. Conan was Shinichi. How long had Shinichi been all alone with that weight in his chest threatening to consume him?

The letters were Shinichi’s own magic trick. He couldn’t really say what he felt, so even though he needed Kaito’s help, he had to distract Kaito’s attention. Honestly, Kaito would be more impressed if it wasn’t all so foolish. Getting up, Kaito grabbed his bag without writing a response. It was a trap, and if Kaito fell into it, he had a feeling Shinichi would break.

Conan checked the hole in the tree again. Nothing. It wasn’t a trick. Brows furrowing, Conan ran to the bridge, then checked the rest of their secret spots in the park. Nothing. Nothing, nowhere. Not a thing. Kid had read Conan’s letter, but didn’t leave a response. Conan’s heart rose to his throat and he forced himself to calm down and breathe.

Was it a mistake to write that? Perhaps he should have calmed down before rushing to the park last night and writing out his feelings. After putting the folded letter in the tree trunk, Conan had felt as if everything made sense again. His thoughts had never been more clear. Yet, the very next day he was in twists and knots again.

Conan checked again. Maybe it was another puzzle Kid left him to solve. No. Conan shook his head. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Heart beating hollowly, Conan left the park. Nothing.

Walking into the Mouri Detective Agency, Conan almost didn’t register the police crowding the room. Almost. Even in a trance, Conan couldn’t miss the sudden silence and awkward feeling of all eyes on him.

Forcing himself to snap out of it, Conan looked up at Kogoro, unable to feign innocence on top of everything. “What’s up?”

Scowling, Kogoro slammed a slip of paper on his desk, and Conan walked past the silent officers to pick it up. Ran’s, still unusual, absence was a blow to Conan’s heart and he scowled down at the paper. It was a photocopy of… Conan’s scowl disappeared. It was one of Kaito’s heist notes.

The time and place was that night on the rooftop of a hotel in Beika. Thinking on it, Conan couldn’t think of any new gems appearing in that hotel’s custody. Not that it mattered, since the rest of the note seemed much more confusing.

He said… he would steal something from Conan? What did Conan have? Conan looked around the room of adults, finally realizing why they were just staring at him. They had the same question. What did Conan have? Kogoro snatched the photocopy of the heist note from Conan’s small hands and scowled down at the child.

“Do you know what it is Kid is talking about, brat?” Conan dumbly shook his head. No. He had no clue.

Did all of this have something to do with Conan’s last letter? Conan ran out of the room to his personal room and slammed the door shut against the protesting police officers. What was Kid thinking? Diving under his covers, fully clothed, Conan pressed his head between his hands. He hated not knowing what to do. He hated being this way. Conan was so confused, and he didn’t know what to do again. 

Chapter Text

“Shinichi.” Conan shot up from his bed and glared at Kid. Kid, surprisingly, didn’t have his usual grin, nor did his eyes shine with mischief. “You never showed up at my heist.” Kid walked closer to Conan’s bed, but stopped when Conan’s scowl deepened.

“What are you doing here, Kaito Kid?” Kid reeled back, shock actually covering his face instead of that damnable grin. A small feeling of pleasure sparked in Conan; he was actually able to pull Kid’s poker face down. Then that feeling burned to ashes and drifted down to his gut painfully and Conan closed his eyes to Kid’s bared emotions.

Kid’s hand feathered across Conan’s cheek, and he opened his eyes again, wanting—and yet not wanting—to see Kid’s eyes up close. Conan’s eyes fluttered closed again and he leaned into the gloved touch. He knew he recognized those eyes from somewhere. Did that mean Kid had worried for him and went to check up on him, despite the chance he might recognize Kid? Slapping Kid’s hand away, Conan backed away, trying to drop a veil of anger over his true emotions. It didn’t matter. He realized too late.

Tension sparked between them, and the blue walls seemed a suffocating black pressing down on Conan. “What were you going to steal from me?” Kid drew to his full height, a frown accompanied by beseeching eyes set in his expressions. Conan’s cerulean eyes slid to the wall behind Kid so he wouldn’t have to see the worry in Kid’s eyes.

“I believe,” Kid stepped closer to the bed, “you already know, you just don’t want to believe it.” Kid’s knee propped up on the blue covers of the bed and his gloved hand grasped the white hat on top of his head. Eyes close, Kid started, “Shinichi-“

“Stay away! Don’t you dare, Kaito Kid!” Kaito’s eyes jerked open and he finally saw the raw emotion in Shinichi’s eyes. It wasn’t anger, or doubt; it was fear. Kaito sighed and shook his head, his eyes closing as he thought. Why? Why would Shinichi be scared? Of Kaito? Of Kaito’s sincerity and friendship?

As Shinichi wished, Kaito drew back and left his top hat on his head. “I don’t understand, Shinichi.”

Shinichi’s gaze was stony again when they looked eyes. “You don’t have to.” Kaito heaved a deep sigh, frustration pounding against his head.

“What do you mean I don’t have to understand? I care about you!” Shinichi drew back, his careful veneer of anger still in place. Kaito looked off then back to Shinichi. His mouth dropped open to speak but the words were stuck in his throat.

“You can’t.” Shinichi’s eyes closed, his face screwed up in pain and Kaito felt his eyebrows twitch together as his lips fell into a frown again. It obviously hurt Shinichi so much to say that! Kaito’s jaw trembled and his gloves squeaked together when he clenched his fists.

“Why not?” Kaito took off his hat and threw it to Shinichi’s desk. Shinichi’s eyes opened for a moment then snapped shut when Kaito slowly shed his disguise. “Why can’t I care about you? You need this just as much as I do, Shinichi.” Shinichi covered his ears with his hands and curled up in a ball to block out Kaito’s truth.

Kaito scowled and crawled across the bed, his monocle discarded. If Shinichi would just open his eyes, he would see Kaito for who he truly was. Gently, Kaito pried Shinichi’s hands away from his ears and Kaito pressed his forehead to Shinichi’s own. “I won’t leave you, no matter how hard you push me away. So please, look at me Shinichi.”

All of Shinichi trembled so hard he vibrated, and Kaito tilted his head, and their lips were so close that their breaths brushed against each other. “No.” Shinichi still didn’t open his eyes and Kaito furrowed his brows together once more. “Nonono.” Yanking his wrists from Kaito’s grasp, Shinichi jumped back, over the side of his bed.

“Did you even read that letter? I-I don’t even know anymore! I’m scared and confused and lost!” Shinichi’s voice slowly rose, his eyes still refusing to open. “You never wrote back! You never…” All the fight left Shinichi and his shoulders dropped, “wrote back.” Kaito scooted closer to apologize but Shinichi stumbled back to keep the distance between them.

“You don’t even know, Kaito Kid. I didn’t need this! You already,” Shinichi bit his lip then took a deep breath. Finally he opened his eyes and Kaito froze under the pure anger residing in the deep azure. “It’s too late now. Leave me alone, Kaito Kid.”

“Shini-“

“Leave! Or I will arrest you! I don’t need you, anymore, Kid!  I-“ a knock sounded at the door and both boys’ eyes shot to the plain wood. Only a door stood between all of the police and the suspicious scene between Kaito and Conan.

“Hey, kid! Are you okay in there? Is someone with you?” Conan pursed his lips then shook his head.

“No! I’m,” he turned to look at Kid but only saw the emptiness of the room as the breeze from the open window swirled through, “alone.” Gently closing the window, Conan gasped as the darkness spun all around him, and not even tears could fall.

Kaito’s jaw clenched to the point of pain as he opened the letter to finally read the rest. He knew he made a mistake; he was too impulsive. Kaito berated himself all the way from Beika to Ekoda. Even though he should have known better, Kaito jumped into things without gathering all the information. Why had he done that? Why was he in such a rush to prove to Shinichi that he would be there for Shinichi? It wasn’t like Kaito in the slightest.

… Shinichi did die that day. Kaito grit his teeth tighter and shook his head, forcing himself to go on.

However, I found another family as Conan. I won’t ever give up on being Shinichi again, but I also worry about the friends I have now. What kind of trouble would the Detective Boys get into without me? Ran would probably miss Conan too. To me, it seems like no one would be happy to see Shinichi again.

Until now, those were the thoughts that plagued me. With every moment, every encounter, I thought “would they rather have Conan or Shinichi?” For some reason, though, I feel calm right now.

I became Conan Edogawa when I happened upon a crime committed by a group known as the Black Organization. Should I reveal my identity to anyone, I risk their lives lest the Black Organization search for me again. They have gotten closer to the truth in the past years, but I still managed to hide my identity. Even writing it down scares me.

Here though, I don’t wonder about whether I should remain Conan or return to being Shinichi. I don’t worry about who I am or my beliefs. You make me stop doubting myself for a few brief moments of respite. I can’t even remember how it’s been since I last just felt like me.

Just being able to share these moments with you has given me happiness I haven’t felt in years. The distances I put between myself and everyone else was just to protect them, but it hurts so much. Yet, these letters make me feel like that distance doesn’t exist. Even though you are still out of my reach, I feel like I could reach out my hand and touch you.

Sometimes, it feels to me like you’re the moon. Always there but never seen. It’s silly isn’t it? But, it’s this distorted distance that has saved me. Thank you, Kid.

The letter drifted to the ground as Kaito’s fingers lost their strength. What had he done? He was right, yet so wrong. Shinichi did need him to close the distance, but doing so was just as dangerous. Kaito slammed his fist into the wall and slid to the floor, holding back the stinging tears in his eyes. How could he have done that to Shinichi?

Chapter Text

Okay guys, the day has finally come. This story was finished uploading in December of 2014. Since that time, I have gotten many a comment asking for the (at the time, possible) sequel to this. Due to reasons, I never wrote a sequel, and I really regretted that. So here I am, finally telling you. I have finally started the sequel. At the beginning, I give somewhat of an explanation as to why no sequel ever came. A large part of that was because I had such difficulty writing a happy ending at the time. Depression was, and still is, a large factor in my writing. Those few years ago, writing a happy ending took a lot out of me. And I really love this pairing, and I desperately wanted to do right by them, so I ended up giving up. If I couldn’t write a good ending, why bother writing one at all.

Now, however, I feel that things have changed. I may still feel unsatisfied with my writing, but I can envision a happy ending. So, I wanted to give that to you. Thank you for caring so much for this story. Although short, the first chapter of the sequel to “Letters to the Moon” will be published this Friday, May 4^th. I will continue working on the subsequent chapters and try to truly finish this story. I don’t know how long it will be, nor do I know how long it will take me to finish. But I hope you can enjoy the sequel as much as you enjoyed this one.

Next in the story of these two aching hearts: “Message to the Sea”