Work Text:
The Mystery of the Missing Candy
“I can’t believe we just spent almost $100 on fucking candy,” Gerard said grumbling as he and Frank walked out of the store, the automatic doors closing behind them.
“It’s for Halloween and my birthday,” Frank reminded him, lugging a bag full of treats and spooky decorations. “Besides, you’re the one who wanted those fancy chocolates.” He clicked his car keys and opened the car door, tossing in his bags. Next, he gestured to Gerard to hand him more heavy bags.
Gerard obliged, dumping them into Frank’s arms all at once, forgetting how tiny he was. Frank almost dropped the bags under the unexpected bulk, but Gerard quickly caught the loose ones before they fell to the ground. “Sorry,” he muttered, making sure Frank was able to get the bags in the backseat before he walked over to the driver’s side. When he was settled in the driver’s seat, Gerard said, “I just feel like Halloween is becoming more commercialized and-”
“Gee, you can shit on Christmas for being commercialized, not Halloween. Even if what you’re saying is true, please let me enjoy my favorite holiday without feeling guilty, okay? Last year was bad enough.”
“Okay,” Gerard replied. “Sorry,” he added, squeezing Frank’s hand and then placing his own on the gear shift.
“It’s fine,” Frank said, waving his arms as if he was trying to dissipate the bad vibes. “Why are you so grouchy, though?”
“…Why does my favorite candy have to be the most expensive?” Gerard pulled the car out of the parking spot and started driving toward their house. “And technically, it’s not candy, but… they didn’t have any Frankenberry. How can you NOT have Frankenberry in October?”
“Stop being a drama queen, babe,” Frank teased. “Besides, you’re being hypocritical. Isn’t General Mills technically capitalizing off Halloween by making Halloween-inspired cereal, like Frankenberry?”
Gerard grumbled something to himself and sighed ostentatiously. Frank smiled his signature shit-eating grin. He proceeded to turn on the car’s stereo system and blast Black Flag at full volume, well aware that it would probably piss off Gerard even more.
After arriving home, Frank began hanging up some new Halloween decorations while Gerard secured the candy, except for the fancy chocolates - he wanted to eat those ASAP. “Securing” is not an exaggeration here; Gerard literally locked the candy in a china cabinet with a padlock. There was a reason he was going to such lengths to safeguard the candy. He didn’t want a repeat of last year’s October where Frank had secretly stolen from their candy supply every day until he’d gotten a nasty cavity and a series of stomach aches. He felt so sick on Halloween, they weren’t really able to celebrate. Gerard had been both upset and livid. No one wants to see their lover sick on their favorite holiday AND their birthday.
He wanted this year to go perfectly, which meant:
- waiting to buy candy closer to Halloween itself.
- locking up the candy like it was an ancient magical artifact that would bring chaos to the cosmos if Frank got his hands on it.
Gerard vanished from the living room to hide the cabinet’s key and returned a minute later with a smug expression on his face. “You’ll never find the key,” he said teasingly.
“Is the padlock really necessary?” Frank asked, half serious. He still loved candy (obviously), but he was pretty sure he had learned his lesson.
“Yes,” Gerard answered, flipping his hair out of his face.
“Fine,” Frank said, disappointed yet not defeated. “Can I have at least a little candy before Halloween?”
Gerard put his thumb to mouth, indicating he was in deep thought. “We’ll see,” he said after a beat. When he saw his frown, Gerard walked over to where Frank was studying the wall as if it still didn’t already have enough ghost, skeleton, and pumpkin decorations. Putting his arms around Frank’s waist from behind and leaning his head on Frank’s shoulder, Gerard added, “Let’s have some of my ‘fancy’ chocolate now.”
***
The following morning, Gerard woke up with a cold, empty space next to him in bed. Which meant Frank had gotten up before him. Which meant he might be trying to sneak some candy. Gerard hurried to the china cabinet, ignoring his instinct to follow the smell of coffee that wafted from the kitchen.
The china cabinet was locked. Peering through the cabinet’s glass panel, Gerard could tell everything was accounted for. He sighed happily, but then noticed a rustling sound coming from the spare bedroom. Shit, that’s where I hid the key! he thought. That motherfucker is probably looking for it. Gerard barged into the spare bedroom, not caring if he scared Frank with his fast gait.
He did.
Frank, who was kneeling on the ground, jumped at the sound of the door slamming behind Gerard. He was so startled, he dropped whatever he been holding. Candy wrappers. And not just any candy wrappers – they were wrappers for the chocolate Gerard liked.
“I knew it!” Gerard said, pointing his finger, exasperated. He gasped; it wasn’t just one or two wrappers. There were several ones littered across the floor, all torn up and ripped. Scanning the room, Gerard noticed the chocolate’s packaging, which was also ripped and devoid of all contents. “Jesus Christ, Frank! I knew you liked candy, but this is-”
“It wasn’t me,” Frank cut in. “I swear.”
Gerard put his hand on his hip and made an incredulous expression.
“I found it like this,” Frank continued. “I swear. I was cleaning up the mess. The dog must have gotten to them.”
“We left them in the kitchen. What are they doing in here?” Gerard began impatiently tapping his foot. He honestly looked like he was going to cry (did he love the chocolate that much?).
“I don’t know. Dogs do weird things. It wasn’t me. I know I get feral sometimes, Gee, but do you honestly think I’d rip up an entire bag of candy and leave the wrappers everywhere? With your favorite chocolates no less?”
Gerard looked away from Frank for a second and wiped his eyes. Turning back, he said, “I can totally see you pretending to turn into a werewolf as an excuse to eat candy at night.”
Frank made a face that was a cross between offense and revelation. His eyes read That’s actually a good idea; I should try it.
“I don’t think you’re that crazy, though,” Gerard continued. “However, this could be a setup! Let me smell your breath for chocolatey aftersmells.”
“Seriously?” Frank rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine.” He opened his mouth slightly.
Gerard came over to inspect, bending to get closer to Frank’s mouth. He had to stop himself from kissing Frank because his soft lips were so close and so kissable. Fighting the urge, Gerard concentrated on Frank’s breath. He didn’t smell any chocolate - only coffee.
“Okay, you pass,” Gerard said, finally giving into the temptation and giving Frank a gentle peck. “We better call the vet since that was a lot of chocolate for a dog to eat.”
***
“We’re back,” Frank announced, their dog Waffles trailing behind him. He took off her leash and walked over to the kitchen table where Gerard was drinking tea and reading a book.
“How’d it go?” Gerard asked, looking up from his book to greet Frank with another gentle kiss.
“She’s fine. It’s weird. They said she showed no signs or symptoms of eating chocolate. She must have a stomach of steel or something.” He shrugged.
“That’s good. I’m still mourning the loss of my chocolate, but I’m glad she’s okay.” Waffled had wandered close to the table to beg for food (since an entire bag of chocolate wasn’t enough apparently). Gerard leaned down and affectionately patted her head. “Thanks for taking her. Did that one annoying vet assistant flirt with you? Whenever I bring the cat, they’re always like ‘Where’s your husband? Where’s your husband? I love his tattoos.’ So annoying. You’re MY husband – do they have no shame?”
Frank laughed, turning somewhat red at Gerard’s possessiveness. “No,” he said. “I don’t think they were working today.”
Gerard smiled. “Let’s celebrate Waffles’ good health and you not getting snatched away by the vet assistant. I’ll get out some of the candy. I’m dying for chocolate.”
He went to the spare bedroom to get the key, glancing behind him to make sure Frank wasn’t following. He emerged with the key and a few discarded candy wrappers. They must have missed them when cleaning up the mess. Gerard absentmindedly tossed the wrappers in a nearby waste basket as he made his way to the cabinet.
Frank wasn’t looking because he was playing with Waffles. In the background, he heard the padlock click and the cabinet doors open, followed by a choking sound.
“They’re gone!” Gerard exclaimed.
Frank stopped rolling around with Waffles, looking up mid-roll. “What’s gone?”
“The bag of lollipops!” Gerard spun around and glared at Frank. “Do you have no self-control?”
“It wasn’t me!” Frank shouted. He didn’t want Waffles to think he was yelling at her, so he got up off the floor and sat on the couch, directing his gaze at Gerard.
“I suppose Waffles found the key, got on her hind legs, and unlocked the cabinet all by herself?!”
“I was at the vet, Gee. You think I somehow drove to the vet, drove back, secretly took candy when you were in the shower or something, and went back to pick up Waffles, all within an hour?! It’s not possible.”
“You’re right. Sorry.” Gerard rubbed his face with his palm. “Maybe I accidentally left the bag somewhere else and forgot to put it in the cabinet.”
"It’s okay.”
Gerard sighed and looked away, embarrassed.
“I mean…” Frank began. “If you want a lollipop so bad, I have one right here." He grinned mischievously and pointed toward his crotch.
"Are you really going to use that cheesy pickup line on me?" Gerard asked, blushing in spite of himself.
Frank shrugged, the haughty smile still plastered on his face. "Thought I'd try."
"Well, it worked," Gerard said. Much to Frank's surprise, Gerard walked over and planted himself on top of Frank, kissing him fiercely. Frank eagerly accepted Gerard's kisses, pulling him closer. Soon, their make out session became feverish, and Gerard's shirt was on the floor. Gerard went to take off Frank's hoodie, mistakenly grabbing the hoodie’s front pocket instead of its hem. In the frenzy, his hands got tangled in the pocket. Frank had to help him free his hands and get the hoodie up over his head.
Once the hoodie was out of the way, Gerard started toying with Frank's pants. Frank noticed Gerard wasn't going for the zipper; he was fumbling with Frank's pant pockets as if he was searching for something.
"Are you checking my pockets for the candy?" Frank asked, breaking the kiss.
"Yes," Gerard said with a serious face.
"Using sex as a ruse to check someone's pockets is something I would do."
Gerard laughed, his hand still playing with one of Frank's pockets. "I learned from the best. Admittedly, it would have worked better if I waited until after your clothes were off and unattended."
"As you can see, my pockets were empty, so you can stop seducing me now."
"Who said anything about stopping?" Gerard leaned in and gave Frank more kisses, brushing his jawline. "But you do get bonus points for not being a candy thief."
***
The following morning, Gerard had been the first one to get up. He went through his morning routine and waited at the kitchen table for Frank. Eventually, Frank came down, holding something against his chest, although Gerard couldn’t tell what it was.
“I’m pissed at you,” Gerard said bluntly.
“Wha- what did I do?” Frank asked, confused.
“You lied about the candy. You did take the bag of lollipops.” He stared angrily into his coffee mug as if he could divine the truth out of it.
“Gerard-”
“I found lollipop wrappers in the waste bin, Frank. I didn’t notice yesterday when I threw them out because I wasn’t paying attention. I assumed they were more chocolate wrappers because it’s a similar color.”
Without responding, Frank held out what he had been cradling in his arms. It was the missing bag of lollipops. And it was unopened.
“What the fuck?” Gerard’s eyes grew to the size of Christmas ornament bulbs. “Where did you find that?”
“It was in our bedroom closet. I found it when I was getting changed.”
“I did NOT put that candy in the closet. What the fuck is going on?” He got up and ran to the living room, retrieving the waste bin. When he returned, they looked at the lollipop wrappers. It was the same exact brand as the unopened bag. None of the other candy they bought was made by the same company. “Wrappers in the spare room downstairs… an unopened bag of candy in the main bedroom upstairs… all the same brand… what…” He put his head in hands, clearly at a loss. “Frank, if this is some kind of elaborate scheme just so you can have candy-”
“It’s not,” Frank interjected. “I am just as confused as you are.” He thought for a few seconds. “The only explanation is that the wrappers in the spare bedroom are from last year or another time.”
“No, they’re not, Frank. Don’t you think we would have noticed wrappers sitting there for a whole year?”
“You’re right. Something weird is going on… Have you checked the cabinet today?”
“Shit!” Gerard practically teleported to the living room he moved so fast. “Shit!” he repeated. Frank ran to meet him. The cabinet was still closed, but, through the glass, Frank could tell there were considerably fewer bags of candy than there had been yesterday. “Shit!” Gerard ran into the spare bedroom to get the key, evidently not caring if Frank saw the hiding place.
They both stopped in their tracks when they entered the room. The floor was covered in candy wrappers, much more than the day before. Reeses, Kit Kits, candy corn, sour candy, and all kinds of knock-off brands littered the whole room. It looked as though someone had thrown a box of Legos and let the colorful pieces fall in a kaleidoscope of sugary color.
“What the fuck?” Gerard and Frank mouthed simultaneously.
“Is there a candy-obsessed hobo living in the attic or something?” Frank said.
“I don’t know. This is starting to really freak me out.” He shot a suspicious look at Frank. “Close your eyes while I get the key,” he said, as if it still fucking mattered at this point.
Frank made a Are You Kidding Me face but did as he was told, covering his face with his arms.
Before Gerard even did anything, there was a large crash and a yowl from the living room. They ran toward the sounds, leaving behind the forgotten key. The china cabinet had fallen over, glass shattered on the carpet and unopened bags of candy sadly strewn across the floor. The cabinet wasn’t near the wall, though, where it had been resting. It was more toward the middle of the room; it looked like someone had violently pushed it over. There was no one there except their cat Pancakes, who was hissing at the cabinet as if had somehow offended him.
Gerard was too upset to notice the odd placement of the china cabinet. “That cabinet belonged to my grandmother!” he yelled. Then, turning toward their still-hissing cat, Gerard cried, “PANCAKES! Are you okay, baby?!” He ran over and checked Pancakes’ paws to see if any glass was stuck in them. Once his paw pads were cleared as A-OK, Gerard slowly turned to Frank. “What the fuck is going on?”
“I have no idea, Gee.” He grabbed a broom from the kitchen and began sweeping up the translucent pieces enveloping the cabinet. “Don’t you think it’s weird that the cabinet is in the center of the room?”
“You’re right. I hadn’t noticed.” Gerard was now sitting cross legged on the floor and petting Pancakes who was curled up in his lap. He analyzed Frank as he swept up the mess.
“What?” Frank stopped abruptly, the rhythmic strokes of the broom coming to a halt.
“I’m thinking…”
“You better not still think it’s me, Gee,” Frank said. “I did not psychically shove the cabinet with my mind. Or set up some kind of crazy Rube Goldberg machine that made the cabinet fall when we went into the other room. I’m not that-”
**Author’s Note: A Rube Goldberg machine is one of those crazy contraptions you see in the game Mouse Trap or in cartoons like Tom and Jerry. One action, like pulling a string, will set off a domino effect and set the machine in motion.
“I know,” Gerard replied, still petting Pancakes and pondering the possibilities. “You’re conniving, but you’re not that smart.”
Frank threw the broom across the room, not caring if it destroyed more furniture. “I was going to say I’m not that candy-obsessed, but thanks for insulting my intelligence, you fucker.”
“And you say I’m a drama queen?” Gerard laughed. “You’re smart, babe. Just not Rube-Goldberg-machine-smart.” Frank’s angry posture slackened a little.
“I think…” continued Gerard. “I think the candy is cursed.”
“Are you serious, dude?” Waffles had come to check out the situation and see if any food was involved. Frank used his foot to lightly nudge the dog away from the mess. Waffles quickly gave up on the prospect of candy and walked away, uninterested.
“Yes! Think about it,” Gerard replied. “Weird things have been happening since we brought the candy home. Things disappearing, wrappers showing up everywhere, the cabinet falling… The cashier must have hexed the candy. Did you notice anything strange at the store? Did any employees have a weird eye or mark on them?”
“A ‘weird eye’? Gerard, this isn’t The Tell-Tale Heart.” It was too late to reason with him. Gerard had a manic, inspired look in his eyes, the same one he got whenever he had a new song or comic idea. He was making overexaggerated hand motions – so exaggerated that Pancakes had vacated his lap.
The cat joined Waffles on the other side of the room. Both of them titled their heads to the side and stared at their humans as if they were insane. They probably were.
“It’s not that far-fetched!” Gerard countered, still flailing his arms around. “Remember when that girl put a whammy on me because she thought you were cute?” Frank made an Oh Yeah face as the memory came back to him. “Maybe some crazy fan hexed the candy; you never know!” He paused and suddenly stood up. “We have to get it out of the house. I’ll put it… in my car.”
“Your car, Gee? What good is that gonna do?” Frank asked. Despite his hesitation, he leaned down and picked up a package of candy, helping Gerard gather up all the bags. “Shouldn’t we just throw it out or burn it or something?”
“That shit was expensive!” Gerard reminded him. “Besides, I want it out of the house right away, but close enough that we can keep an eye on it. I can consult my magick books and try to find a purifying spell. It will just take a while. So, in my car the candy goes.”
“Okay,” Frank replied. “Let’s say you’re wrong and my crazy hobo idea is true. What then? He might try to break into your car and fuck it all up.”
“I don’t care about my car. I can always replace it. I can’t replace the pets or you if something bad happens.”
Frank’s first reaction was to swoon at Gerard’s words because he still couldn’t quite believe how lucky he was to be married to him. However, the cynic in Frank thought, You could easily replace the candy, and it would be a lot less expensive than a new car, you dumb ass. You’re so full of shit, and it’s so fucking cute.
Gerard must have realized his silly logic or read Frank’s mind because he added, “I don’t think there’s a candy-hoarding hobo, but I’ll move my car further down the street just in case.”
“Even though it’s pretty cold out, park under a tree or in some shade so the candy won’t melt,” Frank said. Cursed or not, Frank still wanted to be able to have some candy whenever this debacle was over. Not that Gerard would let him have much. I wonder if candy tastes better when it’s cursed, he thought.
“Good idea,” Gerard agreed. Frank recovered the broom and finished sweeping up the broken shards, while Gerard tentatively placed the candy bags in a big tote. One of the bags must have caught on a piece of glass as the cabinet fell because it was torn open with some loose candy pieces sprinkled about. They picked them up individually and threw them in the tote. Frank tried to nab one piece, his curiosity (and sweet tooth) getting the best of him. Gerard smacked the candy out of his hand just in time, scolding Frank and telling him that evil candy probably wouldn’t be good for his stomach.
When they were ready, they placed the tote in Gerard’s car, and Gerard drove it a block or two away. The rest of the day went smoothly with no surprises or flying furniture. Frank worked on music in their house’s basement studio, and Gerard was able to sit down and finally concentrate on his comics since he didn’t have to worry about Frank stealing anything. He kept his car keys close to him, though, because you never know with Frank. Gerard checked his car that evening and was happy to see no signs of a break-in or missing confections. He was so relieved that he didn’t think he needed to place a purifying spell on them; he hadn’t found much in books anyway. Cursed candy is definitely not a hot topic in the world of magick.
Later that night, they went to sleep feeling positive, but only after Frank tickled the shit out of Gerard as revenge for calling him dumb. They fell asleep with childish grins on their faces, tangled up in each other’s arms.
And woke up to another crashing sound, this one much louder than the one that happened in the morning.
“What the FUCK was that?” Gerard asked, looking around the room frantically.
Frank jumped out of bed and grabbed something from the closet. It was a baseball bat. “I don’t know… If the candy thief has revealed themselves, I will beat the shit out of them.” He made his way to the door, heading towards the stairs.
“Frank, wait!” Gerard sprang from his sleeping position and grabbed Frank’s hand. “Let’s go together. Please don’t do anything stupid or dangerous.”
“You know those two words are my middle name, so you’re out of luck,” replied Frank. He let go of his husband’s hand, so he could place a protective arm around Gerard’s waist.
What they discovered downstairs was nothing like either of them had imagined. Earlier that day, they had picked up the cabinet and moved it against the wall, laying it on its side. The cabinet was now on the other side of the room, completely smashed to pieces.
“What the fuck?” Gerard whispered, leaning in closer to Frank and virtually crushing his arm. “I’m scared.”
Frank tightened his grip on Gerard. “It’s okay, babe. I’ll fuck up whoever did this.” They slowly snuck over to the ruined cabinet. Frank found it difficult to move with Gerard clinging to him so much. After some maneuvering, he managed to bend down to inspect the damage. “Gee, it looks like… there is something… written… on the carpet. It’s hard to read in the dark. Do you have your phone so I can get a light?”
“I- I forgot it upstairs.”
Frank could swear he felt Gerard shaking and felt bad for what he was about to ask. “Me too. We need to see what this says. Can you run over to the light switch and turn it on?”
“And let go of you!? Fuck no!”
“It will only take you, like, ten seconds. Plus, it would be kind of hard to beat up anyone with how you’re stuck to me like glue.”
Gerard grimaced. “Fine. If I die, it’s your fault.” He let go of Frank, sprinting over to the light switch. The overhead lamp was so bright, Frank had to close his eyes. By the time he opened them again, Gerard was back by his side.
Frank gave Gerard a thank you kiss on the forehead and turned to see the written message. It said: “WHERE IS THE CANDY?”
The handwriting was very sloppy, and the letters were in lime green; the color reminded Frank of the famous ghost from Ghost Busters. What stood out the most, however, was the letter A in “CANDY.” It was written as the anarchist symbol.
Gerard peered over Frank to read the message. “Oh – FUCK!” he yelled.
“Wha-”
“Wheeeeerrrrrreeeeeee iiiiiiiiiiisssssss tttttthhhhheeeee cccccccaaaaannnnndddddyyyyyy,” a guttural voice moaned. Gerard and Frank looked around, terrified and alarmed. The voice seemed to be coming from the air itself, which felt stagnant and cold. “Wwwwwwhhhhhheeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeee?!”
Eventually, Gerard squeaked out, “My- my car?”
“GGGGGGOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!”
It was literally like something out of The Poltergeist. The (not ruined) furniture in the room began to float and spin in the air. Before long, a furniture tornado was surrounding them, the indoor gust picking up speed. Gerard and Frank clung to each other. Worried they’d get picked up by the strong wind, Gerard tugged Frank’s arm and led them over to the nearby staircase banister, dodging aerial house-hold items on the way. They held onto the banister for dear life. Once they’d recollected themselves as much as possible, Gerard looked at Frank and said something, a strangely calm look on his face.
“What?” shouted Frank. It was hard to hear Gerard over the whirl of the supernatural tornado and the screams of the apparition.
Gerard took a deep breath and shouted, “We need to get out of the house. The spirit is probably tethered here. If we get out, we’ll be safe.”
“Okay.” Frank was worried about leaving behind his guitars which would probably get destroyed. The angry spirit - or whatever it was - seemed more focused on the candy, which reassured him a little. Besides, getting hit in the head with a projectile couch or coffee table and subsequently dying would totally suck. “We have to grab Waffles and Pancakes first.”
“No shit! Where are they?”
They both looked around. Waffles was on the other side of the room, trying to get away from the wind and running in place as if she was on an invisible hamster wheel. She barked at the storm, commanding it to stop. It didn’t listen. Pancakes wasn’t too far away; he had his claw extended into the carpet, determined not to get sucked into the tornado. His tail and hind legs swung behind him, caught in the blustery air.
“I’ll get Waffles and you get Pancakes,” Frank instructed.
Gerard took in the scene before them. “How? Waffles is all the way over there. You’ll get hurt.” He bit down on his index finger, thinking hard. “Unless… unless we use some kind of distraction.”
“Don’t worry, I have the perfect distraction. Just… don’t get pissed.” Frank placed his hand inside his pajama pocket.
“Why would I-”
And produced a wad of candy, the same kind that had spilled all over the floor that morning.
“WHEN DID YOU?!” Gerard was irritated for only a moment before the realization set in. “Never mind, not important. Okay. You should throw the candy away from Waffles, so the ghost will go in the other direction. While you get Waffles, I’ll grab Pancakes. When we’ve got them, we head towards the front door and run to my car, since your car is in the garage. I’m not sure if the garage is out of the ghost’s reach.”
“Sounds like a plan. Do you have your car keys?”
Gerard’s hand disappeared in his own pajama pocket and pulled out his car keys. He jingled them in front of Frank’s face mockingly. “I fell asleep with them because I didn’t trust a certain someone. Looks like I was right to do so.” He gave Frank a You’re So Dead look and assessed the situation again. The tornado hadn’t lost any of its momentum; both Waffles and Pancakes looked like they were getting tired, their little limbs losing against the powerful gusts. They had to act quickly. “Okay, on the count of three, throw the candy and then we’ll break for the pets. One… two…”
Of course Frank’s impatient ass hurled the candy too early. It landed in the corner near the broken cabinet, away from Waffles and Pancakes. The reaction was instantaneous. The moment the candy hit the floor, the apparition stopped wailing. A second later, all of the floating furniture and other crap clattered to the ground with a loud bang. Luckily, no big items were near the animals or the guys when they fell.
Frozen in fear and still feeling the aftershocks of the furniture earthquake, Gerard and Frank almost forgot to run and grab their pets. When it finally sunk in, they launched themselves in opposite directions. Waffles happily jumped into Frank’s arms when she saw him; Pancakes, on the other hand, did not want to unleash his death grip on the carpet. Gerard had to yank him with all of his strength, the carpet tearing as he dislodged the terrified cat. Frank ran over to Gerard, Waffles tucked under arm. He grabbed Gerard’s hand, and together they sprinted toward the front door. Gerard had some trouble unlocking it in his panic; he only managed to do so after a couple seconds.
With the door opened, the two men made a run for Gerard’s car that was parked down the street. “It’s so fucking far away!” Gerard complained, panting heavily from running. “I shouldn’t have listened to you… and just kept the car parked near the house! I don’t think the ghost could… have… gotten into my car… anyway.”
Finally, the car was in sight. Gerard was so breathless, he had trouble clicking the unlock button on his car keys. His fingers were too shaky. Frank reached the car first and somehow unlocked it, although Gerard hadn’t successfully completed the remote lock.
When Gerard caught up, Frank was already in the car with Waffles. “How did you-” He noticed a set of keys dangling in Frank’s hand.
“You gave me a copy when you first got the car,” Frank said, shrugging.
“You were planning to steal candy the whole time!” Gerard said weakly. He was too tired to actually be mad. He climbed into the car, placing Pancakes on the floor and closing the door behind him. After a few deep breaths, Gerard turned to Frank. “I’m glad you’re a thief, though. We wouldn’t have gotten out if you hadn’t swiped that candy. Thank you for that. If I wasn’t so exhausted, I’d make out with you right now.”
Frank looked disheartened. Is he seriously horny now of all times? Gerard thought to himself.
“You know something,” Frank blurted out, scrutinizing Gerard’s face.
“What?” Gerard countered defensively.
“About the ghost or whatever. How did you know the candy would be fine outside of the house, in the car?” He leaned his face closer to Gerard.
“I was just-”
“And you seemed to recognize something about the message on the floor. Stop bullshitting me, Gerard. Spit it out.”
“Fine,” Gerard said dramatically. “I do know something. You can’t get mad, okay? I’m giving you a pass for taking the candy.”
“We’ll see,” answered Frank. “It depends how badly you fucked up.”
Gerard swallowed. “So… umm, a while ago, during one of my magick sessions, I accidentally… ugh, summoned… a ghost.”
“Gee! I’m fine with your witchy stuff, but I told you not to involve dead people!”
“I’m sorry! It was an accident, I swear! And I thought I had sent him back. This was months ago. I had no idea he was still here.”
“Okay,” Frank said, still obviously annoyed at Gerard. “Let’s say he was dormant this whole time. Why is he so active now all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know!” Gerard threw up his hands in frustration. “Actually… Wait. It’s probably because of Halloween.”
“What do you mean?”
“Come on, Frank. Halloween is your favorite holiday. You know that the border between the world of the living and the spirit world becomes thinner around Halloween.” Frank nodded. “That’s it! Halloween is the day after tomorrow. The veil must be really thin now, so Johnny’s presence is much stronger.”
“Who?” asked Frank.
“Johnny. That’s the name of the ghost. He told me.”
“Gee, you’re telling me you had a conversation with this ghost?!”
“Well, yeah! I didn’t try to banish him back to the spirit world right away. That would have been rude as fuck.” Frank facepalmed himself. Gerard ignored him and continued speaking: “Johnny is a punk kid, Frank. You’d honestly get along really well with him.”
Frank’s eyes lit up at the word “punk,” but he quickly shook his head. “You sure about that? He just tried to kill us! Are you sure it’s Johnny and not someone else?”
“Yes. The anarchist symbol proved it. When I summoned him, he wasn’t able to speak, so he wrote little messages to me on paper. He always drew the anarchist symbol on his A’s.” Gerard got lost in thought for a moment. “I’m surprised he was able to talk back there. Then again, it could be because of the Halloween thing.”
“I don’t care about Johnny’s annunciation, Gerard! I want him out of our house. Which is probably trashed now, by the way… thanks to you.”
“I said I tried to send him back! I didn’t know he was still here!” Waffles and Pancakes were cuddling each other on the car floor, probably frightened by their owners’ argument and still ruffled from their scare back at the house.
“Whatever! How do we get rid of him now, Gee?! Our house is a paranormal shitshow!”
“He’ll probably be asleep during the day. Or at least less active. We can go back to the house after sunrise and make preparations.”
“Preparations?”
“I’ll need stuff for the ritual to send him back. Or whatever else I can come up with.”
Frank looked at the sky through the car door window. He had no idea what time it was since they’d forgotten their phones and hadn’t bothered to turn on the car’s engine. “Gee, turn on the car, so we can see the time.” Gerard frowned yet didn’t protest. He put his keys in the ignition. It was 5:12 am. “Okay, the sun will be up in maybe an hour or two,” Frank said. “That’s pretty soon. I’m too shaken up to sleep. We’ll need to find some other way to pass the time.”
Gerard yawned. “What do you suggest?”
Without hesitation, Frank crawled on top of Gerard. He began passionately kissing Gerard and combing his hands through his hair.
“F-Frank,” Gerard stammered, pulling himself away. He was panting, but it was no longer due to running. “I don’t think having morning sex at 5 am in my car is a good idea. And it will probably scar poor Waffles and Pancakes.”
“They’ll survive,” Frank said, kissing Gerard’s neck. “We’ve done much crazier things on tour. Besides, you owe me for all of this crap you’ve put us through.”
***
Around 9 o’clock am, Gerard and Frank made their way back to their house. They had dropped off Waffles and Pancakes at a friend’s house, so they wouldn’t have to worry if everything went to Hell and back (literally?) when they confronted Johnny. In case the rambunctious ghost was still hanging around, they had drawn some protective sigils on their arms with a Sharpie that had been sitting in Gerard’s car.
Both of them gasped when Gerard opened the front door and revealed what was inside. The place was completely trashed. It looked like someone threw a house party that went completely south. Not only was their living room filled with demolished furniture and household items… the walls were also covered in ectoplasm. More anarchist symbols had been hastily written on the walls using the green liquid. They peppered the walls like some kind of anti-government wallpaper. That green totally clashes with the wall’s light orange paint. But I kind of dig it, thought Gerard. He was glad he hadn’t kept his most prized possessions – i.e. comics and geeky stuff – in the living room.
Frank pushed past Gerard and bolted downstairs, most likely to check on his guitars. He didn’t give a shit about the living room. He came back a few minutes later clutching Pansy. “The basement was untouched,” he said, sounding shocked yet thankful. “Nothing was out of place.”
“Yeah,” Gerard responded, coming back from the kitchen. “I just looked in the kitchen. It’s not that bad. Stuff was knocked over, but nothing is broken. Wait!”
“What?”
“In the basement… was my Dungeon and Dragons stuff okay?”
“Untouched, just like I said, you dork,” Frank smiled.
“Thank goodness.” Gerard sighed deeply and clutched his chest. “Let’s go check upstairs. My office is up there with, you know, more important stuff.”
The stairs were a disaster. The wall along the staircase originally had portraits of Frank and Gerard hanging up. The pictures had been knocked down, each lying on different levels of the stairs. Large cracks split their photographed faces in half.
The upstairs itself was a different story. It was also almost entirely unscathed, although there were some things out of place. “This is weird,” Frank said, sticking his head in their bedroom. “Why is downstairs fucked when the basement and up here are fine?” He was still holding Pansy.
“I summoned him downstairs,” Gerard explained, picking up some art that had fallen off the wall. “His powers are probably strongest near where I summoned him. He can’t reach up here without a lot of difficulty.”
“If that’s true, how did he hide the bag of lollipops in our bedroom?”
“Hmm… You said it was in the closet, right?” Gerard knocked on the wall next to him. “The closet is right here. It’s not far from the stairs, so it must be within his reach.” He seemed about as sure as someone taking a physics exam who had not studied the night before. Or, like, ever. Frank didn’t question his vague explanation, though. I must sound like I actually know what the fuck I’m doing, contemplated Gerard. Content, he walked toward his office to see if his collectibles were unharmed.
“So, our dumb asses probably could have hid the candy just a little down the hall instead of in your car,” Frank said, following behind. He did not regret going to Gerard’s car, though. Not one bit.
Gerard shot him a glance, rifling through a box of comics he’d taken off a shelf in his office. “Maybe. But if he was that desperate for candy, he might have been able to exert himself and gotten up here. The car was the safest place.”
“Or the dumpster,” Frank added. “Fuck, Gerard, why didn’t we just put it in the backyard?”
“Racoons?” Gerrard answered meekly. “I wasn’t sure what exactly we were dealing with. The backward may be too close to the house. And I didn’t want to just throw out all the candy or have it get ruined.”
“Does the backyard count as part of the house when it comes to ghosts?” Frank asked, genuinely curious.
“I’m not sure. I guess it depends.” He put his box of comics back on the shelf, satisfied that everything was accounted for.
“Well, what do we do now? Johnny Boy seems to be asleep.”
“Let’s go to my magick room.” Gerard turned toward the office’s exit.
“Wait…” Frank said, pausing for a minute. “He hid the lollipops and knocked over the cabinet in the morning and afternoon. How is that possible if he sleeps during the day?”
“Hmm… I don’t think he’s dead asleep – ugh, no pun intended – during the day. He can still get up if wants to. But I think we’re safe right now. He’s probably extra tired today from that crazy shit he pulled last night.”
“Makes sense. You have an explanation for everything, don’t you?”
“Yep.” Gerard smirked.
They walked back downstairs and toward the spare bedroom. The bedroom had a backroom where Gerard kept most of his occult stuff. He used the spare bedroom to perform works of magick as well. The only reason they called it a “bedroom” was because they had shoved a bed they didn’t know what to do with in the corner. Sometimes guests stayed in that room, surrounded by Gerard’s crystals, candles, and other pagan items.
When they entered it, the spare bedroom was a sight to behold. More fucked up furniture and household items were there to greet them. About half the room was in complete disarray. However, there seemed to be an imaginary line where the ghost’s rampage had stopped – as if there was an invisible wall he could not pass. That side of the room looked pristine. Gerard didn’t seem to notice this. He let out a small gasp when he saw one of his favorite crystals had broken into shards. He looked more upset than when his chocolate was eaten.
“Did you put up a magic barrier or something?” Frank half-joked, pulling Gerard out of his despair. He honestly had no idea how any of this stuff worked.
“I did actually. It’s to protect my magick room. It seems like it works, and Johnny can’t pass through it.” Unexpectedly, Gerard slammed his fist down on a nearby table that usually held his tarot cards. If the tarot cards hadn’t already been flung across the room by Johnny, the force of Gerard’s thud would have sent them drifting to the floor. “I’m so fucking stupid. If I had put the fucking candy in the fucking backroom none of this would have fucking happened.” He put his hands over his eyes. “I’m a fucking idiot…”
Frank placed Pansy down on the bed, which was disheveled but still facing upright. He walked over to Gerard and wrapped his arms around him. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. You didn’t know there was a homicidal, candy-craving ghost in the house. You put it in the living room, in the china cabinet, so it would be easy to keep an eye on it. You know how sneaky I can be.” He gave Gerard a soft kiss on the back of his head.
“You’re right, you asshole,” Gerard said, wiping his eye and managing a little giggle. “I have an idea. Let’s go to the backroom, so we can grab some things.”
Gerard opened the door and let Frank enter first. He’d never been in Gerard’s magick room before. It looked like Dr. Jekyll’s laboratory or some shit. Frank looked around mesmerized. He was convinced his husband was a fucking wizard.
“By the way,” Gerard said, already sorting through an assortment of objects, “I hid the cabinet key in this room. Not that is matters now.”
Frank laughed. “Smart. I wouldn’t have come back here. So… what’s the plan?” Frank asked.
“I want to try to lure Johnny into the barrier.”
“Will that kill him? Or, like, banish him?” Frank tinkered with a bizarre vile full of yellow mush. He sniffed it; it smelled like sulfur.
“No,” Gerard answered. He had made his way over to a massive bookcase and was looking through his spell books. “His presence is too strong for that. But it should trap him. When he’s trapped, I can cast him away. And curse him out for causing us so much trouble.”
Frank laughed, his nostrils still stinging from the strong smell. “How will he get into the barrier? Won’t it be impossible? All I know about barriers and magic circles is what I have seen on Supernatural.”
“He won’t go in willingly. We’re going to push him.” He had found a book that interested him and was leafing through its pages.
“Push him? He’s a ghost, Gerard.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve got an idea.” He closed the book with a quick snap.
***
Gerard and Frank were hiding in the spare room’s bed. They pretended to be sleeping, but occasionally stuck their head out of the blankets to see if Johnny had shown up. The sun was going down, and it was getting dark.
“Do you really think this will work?” Frank said. “We laid out of trail of candy like in fucking Hansel and Gretel. Do you think he’s that naïve?”
“I mean, how else were we going to lure him in here?” Gerard played with a loose string that was sticking out from the sheets.
“True.” Frank cuddled back into the blanket. It was nice and warm; Gerard felt so good pressed up against him. Even though they had taken a nap during the day (they were exhausted from the night before), Frank found himself getting sleepy. He needed to stay awake somehow. “Hey,” he said, poking Gerard. “He didn’t show up until really late last night… we should do something to pass the time… and we’re in a bed… so…”
“Are you saying we should sleep?” Gerard asked, oblivious.
“No, I wasn’t thinking something more… exciting,” he grinned devilishly and went to grab Gerard, who quickly eluded him.
“How horny ARE you?” Gerard pushed him playfully.
“Well, it is Scorpio season,” Frank replied, matter-of-factly.
“Not now, Frank. Ghosts work on a different schedule than us. Ghost Time is weird. Who knows when he’ll show up.”
“Fine,” said Frank, pouting. To try to entertain themselves, they spoke about random crap, Gerard occasionally pushing away Frank’s gropey hands. Eventually, the two of them drifted off to sleep.
At some point, Frank heard the door creak open. When his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see a transparent figure floating through the doorway. It leaned over and picked up a piece of candy, then another. It had to be Johnny.
Frank ducked under the covers quietly and gently shook Gerard who was mumbling something about elves and elephants in his sleep. “Gee,” Frank whispered. “He’s here.”
Gerard’s eyes flew open. However, he remained silent and didn’t budge at first. He ever so slowly peeked out from under the blanket to look at the candy-munching phantom. Johnny was so busy eating – no, devouring – the candy, he did not notice Frank’s and Gerard’s stares. The only sound was vicious biting and slurping. This motherfucker likes candy way more than Frank, Gerard thought.
Johnny had eaten all the individual pieces they had left and was now approaching a bowl full of jawbreakers that was resting on Gerard’s tarot card table. Frank got ready as he saw Johnny lean to pick up the bowl, probably determined to pour the entire thing down his throat.
When Johnny lifted the bowl, there was a snapping sound and SPLASH! Johnny’s ethereal form was covered in a slimy, pink liquid. Their trap had worked. That afternoon, Gerard and Frank had attached a string to the candy bowl. This string was connected to a bucket hung up from the ceiling. When Johnny picked up the bowl, he inadvertently pulled the string, which in turn tipped the bucket, dousing him in a potion Gerard had created. Johnny’s intangible form was now tangible.
“AHA!” Frank yelled, jumping up on the bed and exposing their hiding place. He ran over to Johnny and – no exaggeration – fucking karate kicked him. Johnny, rightfully stunned, fell backwards from the unexpected force and landed on the other side of the barrier. He looked up, dismayed. Reaching out, he tried to put his hand through the invisible barrier but pulled it back in pain.
“How do you think that?!” Frank spat from the safety of the other side. “It’s like an electric dog collar! You ain’t going anywhere!”
Johnny scowled and began banging on the barrier, ignoring the sparks of pain jolting through his fists. He went to a nearby wall and window, hitting them ferociously. His fists bounced off as if he was punching a bouncy castle. He couldn’t phase through anything. He was stuck.
Convinced it was safe, Gerard popped up from the bed. “We did it!” he shouted cheerily. He ran over to Frank.
“Did you see that, baby?” Frank said, opening his arms to catch Gerard.
“You’re ridiculous. Did you need karate kick him like that?” Gerard kissed Frank’s cheeks repeatedly.
“It was for dramatic effect,” Frank said, kissing him back. “And my Rube Goldberg trap worked! I told you I’m smart.”
“It was more like a Scooby Doo trap, but, yes, you’re so smart, Frankie.” The two of them were full-on making out at this point, forgetting about the very thing that had brought about this fiasco.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Frank murmured between kisses.
“Helloooo?” an unfamiliar voice called. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Gerard and Frank stopped kissing and looked toward the voice that addressed them. It was Johnny, although his voice wasn’t nearly as raucous as it had been when he demanded candy. He really was a punk kid, like Gerard said. He had a mohawk, several piercings and tattoos, and a Minor Threat shirt. He also wore a battle jacket adorned in patches, including several with anarchist symbols. He really loved that symbol.
“You!” Gerard hollered, pointing a finger at Johnny. “You little shit! I was so nice to you when I accidentally summoned you! And then you go and do this shit to me and my husband?! What the fuck, man!” His arms were doing the flailing thing again. “Why are you still here? I thought I sent you back.”
“Pfft,” Johnny retorted, batting away Gerard’s insults. “You really thought you sent me back? You’re so gullible, dude. I admit I put on quite the performance, though.”
Gerard looked mortified, and Frank couldn’t help but laugh. He had been right; Frank liked this kid.
“Okay, whatever,” Gerard replied, loftily brushing hair out of his face. “Maybe I didn’t do the best sending ritual. That doesn’t explain why you tormented me and Frank.”
“I was just messing with you, dude. It was so funny seeing you guys freak out.”
Frank laughed again. Messing with Gerard was indeed fun. However, as a trickster himself, Frank could Johnny wasn’t telling the full story. “Those were some great tricks, man,” he said, analyzing Johnny and rubbing his hands together. Gerard looked betrayed. “What about that crazy tornado yesterday, though? It didn’t seem like a prank. You seemed really pissed, like you were going to kill us.”
“I wasn’t trying to kill, bro. Did you notice how none of the big furniture was anywhere near you or your pets? Wasn’t that a little too convenient?”
“Touché,” Frank admitted.
“But… I was pissed about the candy.”
“Why?” Gerard interjected. “It’s just candy. Why have a tantrum? You scared the shit out of us.”
“The reason is… lame. I don’t want to talk about it.” Johnny crossed his arms like a defiant child. Looking closely, Frank noticed that Johnny was very young. He had to still be in his early twenties.
“So, you ruined our Halloween for no reason, then?” Gerard wasn’t holding back any sass. “Oh, and my husband’s birthday. Don’t forget that important tidbit.”
“I just wanted to enjoy Halloween!” Johnny screamed. “I never got to enjoy it when I was alive!”
“Really?” Frank asked, intrigued. “You look like Halloween would be your favorite holiday.”
“IT IS!” Johnny roared. “My mom was a religious freak and never let me celebrate it! She let me dress like this, but wouldn’t let me Trick or Treat or wear a Halloween costume! What kind of bullshit is that? She said Halloween is the devil’s holiday or whatever!” Johnny was pounding his barely opaque arms on the floor. “And I could never have any candy because she was a health nut! So was so fucking controlling!”
Gerard’s anger and smart mouth melted away. Nothing was more powerful than his empathy. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I can see why you’re so angry.”
“You don’t know the half of it!” Johnny yelled, his voice sounding raspy. Apparently, ghosts can get sore throats from screaming too.
“What do you mean?” asked Gerard, exchanging looks with Frank.
“I died on Halloween! I died the same day I was going to celebrate it for the first time.”
“That’s awful,” Frank said gently.
“It is!” Johnny moaned.
“What year did you die? If you don’t mind my asking,” Gerard prompted.
“1980.”
“Shit, that’s exactly a year before I was born!” Frank exclaimed. “How… how did it happen?”
“I was in college, and I thought my mom would finally let me celebrate Halloween, but no… ‘As long as I lived under her roof, I was not celebrating that terrible holiday.’ That night, I tried to sneak out through the window. I fell and broke my neck.”
“Holy shit,” Gerard and Frank said at the same time.
She wouldn’t let him celebrate Halloween when he was in fucking college? But he was allowed to get tattoos and piercings? His mom sounds insane… Frank thought.
“Yeah… I just really wanted to celebrate Halloween, man,” Johnny explained, twirling his ghostly tail in his fingertips. He looked miserable, eyes sunken as if he was holding back tears. Can ghosts cry physical tears? Frank added this to his mental list of questions about ghosts.
“Johnny, next time just ask us! I would have left candy as an offering for you,” Gerard said faintly.
“Thanks, man. It was worth it, in my opinion. It was too much fun messing with you guys,” Johnny replied.
“Look,” Gerard stated. “If you promise to be on your best behavior, you can celebrate Halloween with us tomorrow. I think it would give you some closure. After that, can you please try to move on or let me send you back?”
Johnny brightened up at this possibility. “Well…” Johnny began, averting his eyes from Frank. It looked like he was blushing. Can ghosts blush? Another question. “I’d like that a lot, but there is one condition.”
“What’s the condition?”
Johnny went to open his mouth. It twitched into a mischievous smile, similar to the one Frank always wore when he was up to something. “Gerard… your… y-your husband is really cute.”
Gerard’s complexion went white. “Your point?”
“I’m jealous that you have such a gorgeous husband, Gerard,” Johnny admitted. “That’s part of why I tortured you so much. It’s not fair that you’re married to such a hot guy and I’m dead. I will celebrate with you guys and then leave you alone forever… if I can get one kiss from Frank.”
“WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT MY HUSBAND?!” Gerard threw up his arm in the air. The sass was back. “I’m sick of this shit. He’s MY husband.”
While Gerard was pissed to high Hell, Frank found the whole thing hilarious. He clutched his stomach in a fit of laughter, his knees threatening to give out.
“What is so funny?!” Gerard asked, frazzled.
“I guess I’m just that sexy, babe,” Frank said once he had composed himself. “Now you know how I feel when all those fangirls and fanboys drool over you.”
“Hmph!” Gerard was not amused.
“I’ll do it,” Frank said, referring to Johnny. “I’ll do it because you are young and angry, and there is so much you weren’t able to experience.” Johnny beamed at this. “Remember, my heart belongs to him only.” Frank titled his head toward Gerard. “Come on, let’s do it now.”
“N-now?” Johnny stammered. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“That potion thingy we dumped on you makes your body, ugh, touchable, right? This is the only time you’ll be able to fully enjoy it.”
Maybe it was the pinkish hue from Gerard’s potion or maybe ghosts could really blush because Johnny’s face turned red.
“O-okay.”
“Frank,” Gerard cut in, going into Overprotective Mode. “Stay on this side of the barrier. Don’t pass through. He may try to pull something.”
“If you’re gonna be a dick about it, I won’t cooperate!” Johnny shouted.
“You tore up my house, I invited you to a Halloween party, and I’m letting you kiss my husband. I get to call the shots.”
Taken aback by Gerard’s brassy demeanor, Johnny surrendered. “F-fine.”
“Ready?” Frank asked, moving closer to the barrier, not that he could see it. He just kind of guessed where it was based on Johnny’s position.
“Yes.” Johnny scooched closer, closing his eyes and puckering out his lips awkwardly. Frank leaned in to meet his kiss.
Smooch.
“There, all done!” Gerard said, grabbing Frank and pulling him away from the barrier. Whether he was jealous, concerned for his safety, or a bit of both, Frank couldn’t tell.
Johnny looked dumbstruck. He pressed his hand to his lips as if to savor the kiss. “Thank you,” he said after snapping out of it. “Seriously, man. Thank you. I’ll see you guys at the party tomorrow!”
“Are you leaving? I thought the barrier had you trapped.”
“It does, but the sun is going to be up in a minute. The sunlight makes me sleepy. I’ll fade away soon. Thanks again.”
He was right. A moment later, a strand of sunlight poked through the window. The more intense the sunlight grew, the dimmer Johnny’s form became, until he had completely vanished. Gerard and Frank stood there in silence, taking in everything that just happened.
“Do you want coffee?” Gerard asked, breaking the early morning quiet.
“I’d fucking love some.”
The kitchen hadn’t been beaten up too badly by Johnny’s rage, so Frank sat down at the table as Gerard turned on the coffee machine.
“I’m sorry, babe,” Gerard said, handing Frank a mug of hot coffee once it was ready.
“For what?”
“Unleashing a crazy punk ghost with anger issues and a candy obsession.” He sat down at the table, across from Frank.
“It’s fine, Gee. This whole thing has been pretty fun to be honest.” He sipped his coffee slowly.
Gerard laughed, clearly exhausted. “You’re right. There’s no candy left, though. Except for some caramel swirls which I know you don’t like. I’m sorry about that too.”
“I fucking hate caramel swirls. Really, it’s fine, babe. Why are you so upset over the stupid candy? Yeah, I like it, but not that much.”
“I just… last year was shit, so I wanted to make this year better. I wanted you to enjoy candy – in moderation – and have a great Halloween and birthday you’ll never forget.”
“I will never forget this Halloween. Not for as long as I live.” He chuckled and grabbed Gerard’s hand. “I never cared about the candy, dummy. It’s more about having a good time with you, my adorable husband.”
Gerard kissed Frank’s tattooed hand. “You’re right… I got too obsessed with the candy part of Halloween.”
“You did. You tend to hyper focus on one thing and forget everything else. It’s great for music and comics, but not so great for party planning.” He drank more coffee, playing with Gerard’s fingers with his free hand. “Hey, do you think Johnny watches us have sex since he thinks I’m so cute?”
“Oh, shut up!” Gerard flicked his hand away.
“I’m pretty sure an old lady walking her dog saw us in your car yesterday.”
“SHUT UP!” Gerard picked up a napkin from the table and flung it at Frank.
“Sorry. Johnny’s right. Teasing you is too much fun.”
“I don’t have the energy to flirt right now,” Gerard said, blushing and making no effort to hide it. “I’m too fucking tired. We should get some sleep.” He had barely touched his coffee. “We’ll need all our energy to clean up this place and get it ready for your Halloween-slash-birthday party tomorrow. And we have to go get Waffles and Pancake eventually.”
“Why did you make coffee if we’re gonna go to sleep?” Frank teased. “Don’t worry, we’ll be able to clean it up in time. And if we can’t, Trashed By A Ghost would make a cool party.”
“Johnny’s anarchist décor is pretty rad, to the tell the truth.” Gerard got up from the table and left his neglected coffee, walking toward the living room. “We still have one more night before Halloween. Maybe I can convince Johnny to help us clean… only if he doesn’t ask for more kisses from you in return.”
Frank put his coffee mug in the sink and followed Gerard, unsure if they were going to bed or starting to clean. Gerard stopped walking and stood in the center of the room, pondering how long it would take to get everything back in order. Frank stood next to him. Yeah, there was no way they could clean this all by themselves. Splintered wood, slime-covered walls, torn carpet… and that was just the start of it.
Frank noticed the battered china cabinet and an empty Halloween candy bowl that they usually kept near the front door. “Maybe we should still go and buy some candy for tomorrow,” he said. “You know, for the Trick or Treaters…”
Gerard sighed. “You’re right. But after this year, I’m never buying candy again.”
“It’s for Halloween and my birthday,” Frank pleaded, making the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster.
“Okay, fine.” Gerard replied, unable to resist. “As long as we can buy more of those fancy chocolates.”
~ THE END ~