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Tonight’s quarter moon is obscured by clouds. Lan Jingyi lets it mesmerize him, where it peeks through as the wind stirs the sky, and then he goes inside. His rooms are empty without Lan Sizhui and he immediately scolds himself for the thought. Lan Sizhui is on a very important journey right now, travelling with The Ghost General to learn about himself and his other family, and Lan Jingyi can’t begrudge him that, no matter how lonely the last hour of the evening is without him in Cloud Recesses.
It hasn’t even been long enough even for Lan Sizhui to have sent a letter. Lan Jingyi knows he’s fine; it’s not that he needs that reassurance, but as the moon briefly bursts through the clouds again to cast a column of light on Lan Sizhui’s bed, Jingyi reminds himself that Lan Sizhui will come back. He hasn’t left for good and Lan Jingyi still gets more time with him before Lan Sizhui finally finds the home he’s meant to have. The home he deserves.
There’s a howl, pained and scared, and Lan Jingyi is moving before the sound stops. Outside on the path, there is a small white wolf, pacing back and forth, letting out little distressed barks. The cloud-patterned ribbon on the wolf tells him this isn't a wild creature - it's one of his fellow clan members, caught in an unintentional shift. Unintentional shifts happen the same way practiced sword wielders stumble. A momentary loss of control, a distraction at the wrong moment, a mistake. At least they’ve come to him. It means they remember enough to accept help, and the shift back won’t be as difficult.
There are several ways Lan Jingyi can coax a wolf back out of a shift. But there’s one surefire way that always works, and if this wolf is in pain, Lan Jingyi’s not going to mess around with a teachable moment on how to talk themself back into control.
He’s just going to take off their forehead ribbon.
This is possibly the most significant of responsibilities granted to him as Head Disciple in Charge of Full Moons. Forehead ribbons are deeply personal, and not meant to be touched by anyone but family, spouses - and the Head Werewolf Disciple. Lan Jingyi takes it very seriously, to be entrusted with this. A Lan’s forehead ribbon means restraint, and with werewolf forms, it’s a literal magical restraint. It helps a human not shift into a wolf, and if that happens anyway, removing it can instantly allow the wolf to shift back into a person.
Lan Jingyi approaches cautiously, and the wolf slows their pacing. Lan Jingyi telegraphs his intentions, and the wolf stops and stands still. He thinks it’s Lan Mingyan, but he isn’t sure until they show their teeth; it translates almost exactly as their human form’s perpetual scowl. She’s a few years younger than Lan Jingyi and she’s been struggling with unwanted shifts in the evenings when she’s tired.
Jingy reaches for the tie at the back of their neck and pulls it off.
Instantly, instead of a white wolf, there is a white-robbed Lan disciple, kneeling on the ground.
Lan Mingyan pulls herself up to stand. She bows to Lan Jingyi. “Thank you, Head Disciple.”
“You did a good job coming here,” Lan Jingyi says. “That’s definite improvement.”
“I will report to Lan Qiren in the morning for discipline.”
“I will report to Lan Qiren that you sought me out,” Lan Jingyi says. This is another thing Lan Jingyi likes about being Head Disciple of Full Moons; the chance to get a foot in between an unintentional transformation and the Lan rules. Lan Mingyan’s scowl softens just a little, and they bow to one another as Lan Mingyan heads back to her rooms.
Lan Jingyi didn’t get to be the absolute best of his rank, possibly the best in the Sect (though pride is frowned upon) at controlling his wolf shift just by being disciplined. He got here with a lot of encouragement and praise, and until Lan Jingyi is a teacher, he will do what he can to remember that control breaks for everyone, and that what you do when it breaks is what’s important.
Zewu-Jun is the one who taught Lan Jingyi everything he knows about the shift. Zewu-Jun, the absolute best, the Lan with complete mastery of his spiritual energy and his wolf form, who radiates restraint. Lan Jingyi was honored to receive Zewu-Jun’s tutoring, and he quickly built a control that was comparable to the First Jade of Lan.
No one except Zewu-Jun knows exactly why Lan Jingyi is at the pinnacle of his control. Since he was very small, he’s channeled whatever natural talent he had into one single objective: protect Lan Sizhui.
Hanguang-Jun had long suspected that Lan Sizhui would never become a wolf, even before the coming of age tradition of taking the bite. He had never explained the reasons behind his belief, and Lan Sizhui had accepted it without question, so, of course, Jingyi had, too. The return of The Ghost General brought with it confirmation that Sizhui was likely gifted with some other kind of magic from the Dafan Wens that simply had not manifested yet.
Lan Sizhui is family to Hanging-Jun and Zewu-Jun, and he is a Lan, so he will always be recognized and protected. Except that Lan Jingyi understands the heart of Lan cultivation practice is against the monster inside the wolf, against the base instincts of an animal.
No matter how much someone loves Lan Sizhui, there is always a chance that he can get hurt.
Four moons after the disaster that has driven Zewu-Jun into seclusion, the sect - the pack - starts to feel off. Weird. He’s scolded by Lan Qiren for his imprecision when he tries to explain it, but Lan Qiren still listens because he is not the only one who has noticed.
There are lots of possible reasons more Lan wolves are shifting accidentally, even during the day. Lots of potential explanations for why there are more fights, more territory issues, more disconsolate howling.
But gradually, it becomes more than a few disciples: cultivators with perfectly developed golden cores who haven’t lost control of their form for years; a few times, an elder who has been managing their transformations for twice as long as Lan Jingyi has been alive.
In the days leading up to the full moon, unintentional shifts befall a quarter of the sect. Not all at once, but like drops of water merging and falling, faster and faster.
This moon cycle is the worst so far. Lan Jingyi has lots of headaches, and sore muscles from all the extra fighting to wrangle wolves. He has several very uncomfortable meetings with Lan Qiren, and a few even more uncomfortable ones with Hanguang-Jun. They can only strategize to a certain point when they are all skirting around speaking their fears about what the cause might be.
Exhausted and anxious, Lan Jingyi goes to the quiet corner of Cloud Recesses where Zewu-Jun keeps to himself.
Lan Jingyi sits on the steps of the Hanshi. He can feel Lan Xichen on the other side of the doors, waiting, but not coming out, and not inviting Lan Jingyi in. It’s after curfew, but Lan Jingyi has always had more freedom to walk around at night, and Lan Xichen is not going to turn him in for punishment.
“It’s you, isn’t it?” Lan Jingyi asks. He looks at the clouds moving fast over the half-moon, bright and dark and bright again. “We’re all upset because you’re upset. Sorry, Zongzhu, I don’t mean it like that, I'm tired from fighting all day, do you have any idea how many bites I have? Sixteen. Sixteen bites!”
Jingyi shuffles his feet against the Hanshi’s steps. “I’m worried about you. I know, a disciple worried about the sect leader is like a flake of snow on a mountain, but you’re alone here and something terrible happened, and the people who care about you want to be with you to make it better.”
In the quiet, Lan Jingyi realizes how badly he’s overstepped with what he’s said.
“This disciple should go to sleep,” he says. “Sixteen bites, though.” And then, before he gets up to leave, he stands close to the door.
After so long without response that he knows he isn’t going to get one, Lan Jingyi’s fingers and toes start to get stiff in the cold. He says, “Goodnight Zongzhu,” and he walks back to his rooms, which feel even more empty tonight without Lan Sizhui.
“I hope you’re having fun on your ancestral adventure," Lan Jingyi says, as though Lan Sizhui could hear him, “while I’m getting bitten and talking nonsense at Zewu-Jun that’s gonna get me doing hours of handstands if I get caught. I miss you. Come back soon. Come back when you’re ready, but come back soon.”
Lan Jingyi becomes certain this is not going to go away on its own.
Only halfway through the day, and Lan Jingyi is burning through all his spiritual energy to talk to wolves while maintaining his human form so he could relay the information to the others. Three wolves in an hour, unable to turn back.
Hanguang-Jun looks exhausted, Lan Qiren looks almost ill, and Lan Jingyi is barely able to focus at all on any of his studies. It’s wolves, and disciples fighting like wolves while still in human form, and palpable tension and unease. A pervasive sense that spiritual energy was seeping from people and collecting like a mist throughout Cloud Recesses, like it, too, wanted to shift into wolf form and run throughout the sect, and past the borders, out of Gusu, and tear into the world.
He mediates, or he tries, his concentration broken over and over, until he is almost crying in front of Lan Qiren with worry.
“It’s not getting better. It’s getting worse. I’m sorry, I will continue to do my best, but I’m just - I’m scared.”
Lan Qiren does not answer, but it is both reassuring and terrifying to note that he looks a little scared, too.
Lan Jingyi wakes up to the sound of barking. That’s never good, especially in the middle of the moon cycle. He rushes out of bed, pulls on the least amount of robes that will be acceptable, and tears out of his room.
There are wolves everywhere. Flashes of white darting past, paws kicking up dirt.
“Oh fuck,” Jingy says, stupidly, and looks up at the sky as if somehow he’s missed the full moon. It’s nearly dawn and even if he’s somehow missed a rare celestial event, everyone should be turning back now.
There are two disciples - two wolves - doing something very carnal and wolves cannot dual cultivate, so it’s definitely -
“Stop!” Lan Jingyi shouts. “You’re going to regret that later!” They scatter.
Lan Jingyi has possibly lost his mind. Everywhere he looks, there are only wolves.
The discipline stick goes flying across the courtyard, followed by a series of sharp barks, and - ok, that’s Lan Qiren, who is clearly very mad at the fucking out in the open and - are they chewing on the desks? Lan Jingyi runs into the Lanshi, claps his hands several times, and the wolves stream out the side door, noticeably in the opposite direction away from Lan Qiren.
Lan Jingyi’s mind is stumbling over itself to keep up. Some of the wolves obviously still have some solid connection to their human consciousness, like Lan Qiren, who gives chase.
Lan Jingyi sends up a signal for help, and he hears several barks in acknowledgement. A few wolves come running to him, but fewer than he’d first seen tearing through the courtyard and in range of the talisman, so things are definitely approaching crisis level bad.
“Hey,” Lan Jingyi says to one of the wolves who’s come over. It’s Lan Mingyan again. She’s improving so much, Lan Jingyi feels a flush of pride. “Hey, I’m gonna reach over your head and take off your ribbon, ok?” Lan Jingyi says, “Just like the other day.” He watches her ears flick. There’s something more than nervousness and apprehension in her frame. Something that looks like the ripples that pass over the youngest born-wolves when there’s a storm coming. A physical urge to take shelter.
Lan Jingyi breathes calm into himself, and tugs at Lan Mingyan’s ribbon. It comes off in his hand, but she does not shift. Not even a hint of it, not even a sign of a struggle between her human form and her wolf form. Just - all wolf.
“Fuck,” Lan Jingyi says. Lan Mingyan’s ears flatten. “No, no, you’re good, you did a great job coming when I sent the talisman. This isn’t you, this is happening all around. You’re ok, you’re just gonna have to stay a wolf for a little while, ok? Let me put your ribbon back on?”
Her ears lift. Lan Jingyi quickly and efficiently ties the ribbon back on, which feels weird to do on a wolf and not a human form. He tucks away the knowledge that it catches better when the knot’s lower on their neck, so, sure, that is information he now knows. Information gathering is good.
“Fuck,” Lan Jingyi says again. Cloud Recesses is full of wolves wearing Lan forehead ribbons, more than half of them with the token to freely come and go, meaning if any of them get spooked, they’re gonna run, and run far. The basic wards won’t be able to hold more than the youngest, if they’re really determined.
Great, an ancient secret is gonna be revealed to the whole cultivation world in one fell swoop.
But he’s a Lan and Lans make plans. There are protocols to follow, actions to take. Rules even when the other rules seem to be disintegrating.
Lan Jingyi runs to the overlook where he can see the gate to Cloud Recesses and sends out a locking talisman that reinforces the barriers, not from outside, but from in.
The wolves usually overtake the back hills on the nights around full moons, so Lan Jingyi hopes that they’ll follow one another there rather than go running down into Caiyi, but, just in case.
Next, he’s supposed to account for everyone, which is going to be impossible. Lan Jingyi's only one disciple and he can’t cover the entirety of the back hills even in one night, so he’s going to start from the top. He’s already seen Lan Qiren, and it’s unlikely that Zewu-Jun will come out of seclusion, though Lan Jingyi is going to check later, maybe peer in the window and see if his instincts are right, that Zewu-Jun is also a wolf.
Why not Lan Jingyi himself? No, no, that’s not an important question, the whys can wait for later. Right now, he needs to make sure everyone is here, and everyone is safe.
He spends the next half an hour running back and forth over the grounds, and he can no longer avoid the creeping upset pulsing through him. The absence.
He cannot find Hanguang-Jun.
After a few more incredibly panicked passes by the Jingshi, Lan Jingyi notices Lan Qiren following him, and he stops to talk to him.
“He’s not here, is he?”
Lan Qiren goes unusually still, ears to tail.
“Ok, that’s very bad,” Lan Jingyi says, “Maybe he’s with Zewu-Jun. Maybe he felt it and went to him.” He starts jogging around to the Hanshi, deciding to lean into the slightest chance that Hanguang-Jun might be there.
Lan Qiren trails behind him.
Lan Jingyi knocks at the Hanshi door. This is a blatant violation of Zewu-Jun’s seclusion, but it’s better than just charging in there, and there’s something very serious going on, so if Lan Jingyi can just check that Hanguang-Jun isn’t hiding out in there with his brother, Zewu-Jun doesn’t need to speak to him. He doesn’t even need to look at him.
Lan Qiren barks, once.
There is silence from within the Hanshi.
Lan Jingyi breaks rules ingrained in him since childhood. He pounds on the Hanshi door. “Zewu-Jun, I need your help, you don’t need to talk but you need to come out here, everyone is a wolf including Lan Qiren, and it’s kind of freaking me out!”
It’s in the middle of his panicked rant that he notices the door to the Hanshi is open just the slightest bit. “Zewu-Jun?” he says. But there’s no one inside when he opens the door all the way. He breathes out a sigh of relief. Maybe Zewu-Jun has felt the pull of the wrongness throughout the sect and has come out of seclusion just long enough to investigate.
All feelings of hope that have briefly entered Lan Jingyi’s head are knocked out when Zewu-Jun in wolf form topples him, front paws on his shoulders. Everything makes so much sense now.
“It was you,” Lan Jingyi says, with what little air hasn’t been squeezed out of him by the weight of Zewu-Jun on him. “Everyone’s all messed up because of you.” It's unaccountably rude, and way beyond his station to accuse Zewu-Jun of this.
Zewu-Jun growls, shows his teeth. Oh, fuck, this is how Lan Jingyi’s going to die.
But then Zewu-Jun bolts over Lan Jingyi, and takes off, running so fast he’s out of Lan Jingyi’s sight in just a few blinks.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Lan Jingyi says.
Oh, fuck, he’s so thankful Lan Sizhui is off with Wen Ning. “Lan Sizhui,” he whispers, “We are so fucked.”
Lan Jingyi turns to face Lan Qiren, who he’s honestly surprised to see is still sitting right there and not running after Zewu-Jun.
“Any chance if I try the forehead ribbon, it will work on you?”
Lan Qiren inclines his head. Lan Jingyi unties Lan Qiren’s ribbon. Nothing happens.
Lan Jingyi’s shaking as he re-ties Lan Qiren’s ribbon. “Ok, ok, I can do this,” he says softly to himself, because if he’s gonna use all his spiritual energy to force one reluctant wolf to change back into human form, he’s going to choose the person most likely to have some clue what to do. He hopes he won’t get a lecture about the state of his robes, ripped and dirty, and then he laughs so hard he feels tears down his cheeks because Lan Qiren can’t punish him until Lan Jingyi turns him back into a human and that kind of gives him the higher ground.
“Ok, ok, sorry,” he says, wiping at his cheeks, and he draws several talismans out of his robe, bites his finger to draw blood, and writes in all the radicals.
Forcibly turning a wolf back into its human form, when it clearly can’t do it itself, takes a lot of power. Werewolf transformation magic is complicated and layered, and bound up in the individual’s own magic, and so someone with a strong golden core like Lan Qiren is going to be pushing most of their own magic out against Lan Jingyi and the forced transformation talisman.
He’s hoping by the way Lan Qiren is carefully watching him that he’s going to do his best not to fight it, that he’s going to help as best he can.
Lan Jingyi feels the energy being pulled from him through the talisman, and then incredibly, Lan Qiren is there before him, hands and knees on the ground. He pulls himself up.
“This is not a curse,” Lan Qiren says, “Of that I am certain.”
“What is it, then?” Lan Jingyi says. “Even Zewu-Jun is a wolf, and he never loses control.”
“That is the heart of what’s happened. My nephew has lost control.”
“You think it’s a qi deviation?’ Lan Jingyi asks, trying not to tuck his hands into his sleeve the way he’d done when he was a fidgeting kid in the classroom.
“There is another possibility,” Lan Qiren says, but he does not elaborate.
Lan Qiren sets up several arrays across Cloud Recesses over the next few minutes, and with them, he’s able to bring many of the wolves back around from their senseless, aimless running. It seems it’s temporary, but it’s enough to get a sense of who is still within the boundaries. Most of them. Maybe all of them. Except -
Except for the Twin Jades of Lan. That’s no big deal, not a problem at all.
The next few hours become an endless loop of nearly exhausting his spiritual energy, bringing Lan Qiren back to human form, collapsing from spiritual exhaustion, receiving an infusion of Lan Qiren’s spiritual energy, and then trying to get as much strategizing done as possible before Lan Qiren reverts to wolf form.
Lan Xiyan, because she has a clear head when she’s a wolf and when she’s a human, is frequently in charge of maintaining the safety of the borders of Cloud Recesses. She comes trotting up to Lan Jingyi, as he sits collapsed in front of Lan Qiren. She tugs and tugs at his robes.
“Ok, ok, hang on, I’m coming. Please stay here if you can, Lan laoshi, I will return soon.” If Lan Qiren is deeply offended by Lan Jingyi asking him to wait, it doesn’t show as sternly in his wolf form, and he does not chase after him, so he thinks that has to be enough.
Lan Xiyan brings him all the way to the gates, where he can hear someone shouting. No, screaming.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, please let me in, please save me from this dog!”
This dog. Oh, no.
He runs the rest of the way to the gate, where he can clearly see Wei Wuxian dancing around a wolf at his heels.
A wolf wearing a Lan forehead ribbon.
Lan Jingyi was appointed the Head Disciple in Charge of Full Moons nearly a year before the world inside and outside of Cloud Recesses tipped on its axis with Wei Wuxian’s resurrection. Wei Wuxian is a character out of a story Lan Jingyi had grown up hearing about, and he is much cooler than Lan Jingyi could ever have imagined. His reappearance also means that Lan Jingyi has gotten to hold a happy-crying Lan Sizhui more than a few times.
Like most people in the cultivation world, Lan Jingyi holds multiple conflicting impressions of Wei Wuxian in his head. The genius inventor of their spirit lure flags. The Yiling Patriarch with his fierce corpse bodyguard. The guy who made him spicy congee to save him from corpse-poison. A man who has been dead for 16 years and resurrected. A wandering cultivator. A visitor with unrestricted access to Cloud Recesses, though one who did not know the Lan Sect secret.
The warring perceptions are not quick to resolve themselves in Lan Jingy’s mind, despite the increasing frequency with which he visits the Cloud Recesses. Conveniently, never on the full moon. Because there are two opposing truths about Wei Wuxian that trouble Lan Jingyi the most: Hanguang-Jun is in love with him, and Wei Wuxian is deathly afraid of dogs.
“Lan Jingyi!” Wei Wuxian waves frantically when he sees Lan Jingyi. “Help me, he chased me all the way from town, he just came up and bit my heels and herded me and chased me, all the way here!”
Lan Jingyi spells open the gate, and Wei Wuxian comes running in, but so does the wolf.
“Jingyi, Jingyi, no, don’t let him in, where’s Hanguang-Jun, please, where’s Lan Zhan, he can help, right?”
The wolf chasing Wei Wuxian sits at attention.
Hanguang-Jun ran off when everything fell apart, and he wasn’t running wild or senselessly. He was running straight for Wei Wuxian.
“So,” Lan Jingyi says, clapping Wei Wuxian on the shoulder. “Good news, that’s not a dog, it’s a wolf, and better news, Hanguang-Jun was missing, but you helped us find him.”
Understanding dawns on Wei Wuxian’s face. “Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian says, voice shaking, to the wolf at his feet.
“Yeah, things are fucked,” Lan Jingyi says, “Glad you’re here to help.”
Lan Jingyi gives Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun the briefest of explanations as they hurry back to the heart of Cloud Recesses. He has several things he wants to tell Hanguang-Jun that he can’t say in front of Wei Wuxian without giving away more of the secret than is visible right now.
“So, everyone’s wolves,” Wei Wuxian says, eyes darting around as flashes of white run by, but always returning to Hanguang-Jun.
“Yes,” Lan Jingyi says. “Everyone’s wolves.”
“Is it a curse?” Oddly, Wei Wuxian has not jumped to the obvious conclusion.
“Sure,” Lan Jingyi says, because Wei Wuxian does not look at all capable of interrogating Lan Jingyi’s lies of omission right now. Just add it to the list of Sect rules he’s violated. This is a crisis after all, surely there’s an argument to be made for lax interpretation of the rules when, as Wei Wuxian says, everyone’s wolves.
“Why are you - you?” Wei Wuxian asks, and ok, maybe he’s a little more coherent in panic than Lan Jingyi gave him credit for.
“I was out of range of the curse,” Lan Jingyi says. “I can turn one person back at a time with spiritual energy, but it only lasts for a quarter hour and then they turn back.”
“Can you change Lan Zhan back?”
Lan Jingyi doesn’t think so. Unlike Lan Qiren, Hanguang-Jun is not going to be trying to help him with the shift. Hanguang-Jun is stronger, and his magic is, well, simply more stubborn.
“I’ll try,” Lan Jingyi says. He prepares the talisman, and mouths an apology at Hanguang-Jun, who, while not exactly growling, does not look like he’s thrilled about what Lan Jingyi’s about to do.
The blowback of spiritual energy is like a physical manifestation of Hanguang-Jun's steely glare and it knocks Lan Jingyi to the ground. Wei Wuxian helps him back to his feet, and then stumbles backwards as Hanguang-Jun walks toward him, nipping at his heels.
“That didn’t work, did it? Ah, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, that’s really alarming,” he says, and he keeps looking at Hanguang-Jun, away, and back at Lan Jingyi. “Who can you turn, then?”
“You're not gonna like it,” Lan Jingyi says, “And neither is he.”
Wei Wuxian allows Hanguang-Jun’s nips and nudges at his ankles to speed him toward the center of Cloud Recesses. Hanguang-Jun knows where they’re going, even if Wei Wuxian thankfully hasn’t figured it out yet.
“This is gonna be bad,” Lan Jingyi says, as they approach. Wei Wuxian, rather than adapting, appears to become more and more nervous with each wolf they pass, and he still jumps every time Hanguang-Jun makes a sound. He keeps muttering “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” a fervid reminder every time his eyes dart to the wolf at his side.
“No matter what happens, just try to stay still?” Lan Jingyi says.
“What do you mean? What’s gonna happen? Jingyi!”
Lan Jingyi opens the door to Lan Qiren’s residence. As Lan Jingyi had both expected and feared, the moment Lan Qiren sees Wei Wuxian, he lunges at him. Wei Wuxian shouts, but what Lan Jingyi did not expect was for Hanguang-Jun to leap at Lan Qiren. An awful, growling fight commences.
Lan Jingyi creates another talisman, focuses as much energy as he can spare and sends it to Lan Qiren. He shifts into human form and immediately lunges at Wei Wuxian again. Hanguang-Jun leaps at him. It’s only then that Lan Qiren stops. “Wangji?” he says.
Hanguang Jun growls.
“He brought Wei-qianbei here,” Jingyi says.
“Chased,” Wei Wuxian says with a very nervous laugh.
“Maybe he thinks Wei Wuxian can help,” Lan Jingyi says
“What do you think?” Lan Qiren asks Lan Jingyi and he’s not sure if it’s the shock of being asked for his opinion by Lan Qiren or if he just burned too much spiritual energy this time, but he passes out.
“Jingyi,” Wei Wuxian is saying and Lan Jingyi feels cool spiritual energy pouring into him from a silent Lan Qiren. “Do you know what curse it is that turned everyone into a wolf?
“It’s complicated,” Lan Jingyi says his voice slurring a little. “It’s - it’s about Zewu-Jun.”
Wei Wuxian is still holding himself tense, as if he is trying to master his desire to recoil from Hanguang-Jun.
“So where is he?”
Lan Jingyi feels the abandonment hit him, the despair. “He ran.”
“Is that why Lan Zhan is - he keeps nosing me, I think he wants me to… go somewhere.”
“He might be trying to bring you back to the Jingshi. You would be safer there.”
“Safer!” Wei Wuxian says and then takes several deep breaths. “I’m supposed to be helping you, Jingyi,” Wei Wuxian says. “Non-wolf to non-wolf, apologies, Master Qiren.”
Lan Jingyi watches Lan Qiren glare at Wei Wuxian and then turn back to him.
Lan Qiren turns back into a wolf much sooner this time, with a hushed “Mind the rules, Jingyi!” and a last glance at Wei Wuxian. Lan Jingyi feels terrible about it but he just has to ignore Wei Wuxian’s almost shaking apart and focus on writing one more talisman, bringing Lan Qiren back again. Lan Qiren immediately pulls Lan Jingyi away from Wei Wuxian to speak more privately. Wei Wuxian seems torn, happy to be free of Lan Qiren’s focus, but throwing awkward, tight smiles at Hanguang-Jun.
“Even these forced shifts are becoming impossible. I must make you Sect Leader,” Lan Qiren says after the particularly painful and draining transformation. Lan Jingyi literally laughs in his face and then stumbles and nearly knocks over a table. Lan Qiren grabs his arm and steadies him.
“Forgive this disciple,” Lan Jingyi says, “I was not prepared for your sense of humor at this time.”
“I am serious, Jingyi. This is not new to me, this imbalance, and I was remiss in not seeing it before. My brother, after his wife’s death, became deeply lost in his grief and his qi imbalance radiated out throughout the sect. That was when Xichen became Sect Leader.”
“So we just need to get Zewu-Jun back here, and fix his qi imbalance. And then no one else has to be Sect Leader. Not me. Absolutely not me. Wait, can you make yourself Sect Leader?” Lan Jingyi says hopefully.
Lan Qiren shakes his head, “That is not within my power.”
“Could you make me Sect Leader for just a few minutes? And everyone would come back to themselves?”
“No,” Lan Qiren says. “You will need to force recognition upon every individual.”
That sounds very bad.
“For some, that may require a conversation. The youngest will be more willing to accept the change. Others will require a fight. Some will resist.”
“Resist.”
“You may need to fight an elder to the death - ”
“No,” Lan Jingyi says, cutting Lan Qiren off. “No, nope, I’m not fighting anyone to the death.”
But Lan Qiren continues. “It will also be difficult for Xichen to accept, especially as he is not here. I fear if he is experiencing any level of qi deviation while in his wolf form then he will be lost.”
Lan Jingyi did not think he could feel more scared then he is now, but the pulsing ache in his ribcage begs to differ. “What do you mean, lost?”
Lan Qiren says nothing.
“There has to be something else. There has to be,” Lan Jingyi says, “I can find Zewu-Jun, now that Hanguang-Jun is here. There has to be something… less extreme.”
“You are the only one not affected by the Sect Leader’s imbalance. Our current tactic is unsustainable. If you wear yourself to exhaustion and become incapacitated, what will happen then?”
“Oh no,” Lan Jingyi says. He sinks to his knees. “I can’t do this. I can’t do any of this.”
“You are brave and strong, Lan Jingyi, you can bear this,” Lan Qiren says “You cannot keep bringing me back to human form. You are exhausting yourself and you can do this without me.”
“Master - ”
“Bring me back to form at dawn. It will be easiest on your energy at that natural shift marker. If your search for, as you say, something less extreme has not brought you a solution, I will make you Sect Leader and we will proceed from there.”
“Master- ”
“Act judiciously, Lan Jingyi.”
And with that Lan Qiren becomes a wolf once more.
The next hour is a blur. Lan Jingyi knows he spends some of it crying, some of it pacing back and forth talking to himself. He tries to have a conversation with Wei Wuxian, who may be slowly going out of his mind with fear. Hanguang-Jun is restless, hackles raised, pacing in circles and growling at any wolf who comes close at all. Wei Wuxian can at least act as a sounding board as Lan Jingyi cycles through every single possibility he can think of, most of which are absolutely out of his control, and all of them hinge on Zewu-Jun.
As Lan Jingyi feared, the already strained tranquility of Cloud Recesses is starting to gain a wound up agitation all around, like a too fast melody the player is rushing to end.
Lan Jingyi is thankful that most of the sect has gone now to the back hills, to the familiar trails there where they can run off their restlessness and anxiety, where they can play-fight before the tension breaks into real fighting.
He knows it’s coming, though. The Lan Sect studies restraint for the very reason that it’s so hard for wolves to maintain.
Abruptly, four wolves surround them, growling and crouching low.
“This is really not where you want to be,” Lan Jingyi says. He doesn't know what’s got them riled up, whether Wei Wuxian’s fear is enough, or Hanguang-Jun’s radiating threat.
Lan Jingyi certainly feels like he’s scraping his fingernails against his palms a whole lot more to keep a clear mind, but he thought that was just the enormous life or death pressure of his situation. Maybe it’s more.
He has to think fast, because if the wolves attack, Hanguang-Jun is just going to straight up murder them, and they have to know that, but whatever is clouding their mind is making everyone very, very stupid. Maybe very, very suicidal.
“Fuck,” he says. Wei Wuxian whimpers and Hanguang-jun growls.
Lan Jingyi grabs at Hanguang-Jun’s forehead ribbon. Hanguang-Jun gets Lan Jingyi’s wrist in his jaw and bites. Lan Jingyi hisses.
“You know what I’m doing, come on,” Jingyi says under his breath. He stares at Hanguang-Jun’s dark, furious eyes, willing him to understand.
The wolves are watching, nervous. They seem to remember a little at least who Hanguang-Jun is.
“No, no,” Wei Wuxian is whispering and Lan Jingyi tugs his wrist away from Hanguang-Jun, feeling the flesh tear and trying not to focus on it, just focus on this one task, this one thing.
Hanguang-Jun’s forehead ribbon comes away in Lan Jingyi’s palm and Lan Jingy presses it to Wei Wuxian’s forehead.
“What - “ Wei Wuxian says, and Lan Jingyi gets right in his face.
“Take it and put it on. Now.”
Wei Wuxian’s whole body is trembling, but with fumbling fingers, he holds the metal clouds, ties the ribbon around his forehead. It’s crooked.
There’s an incredibly tense pause.
Anything could happen. Hanguang-jun could rip out his throat for the offense. The wolves could reject Lan Jingyi’s gesture. They could fight Hanguang-Jun for Wei Wuxian. For the right to this new member of the sect.
Because, yeah, that’s what Lan Jingyi just did. He just made Wei Wuxian a disciple of the Lan Sect.
It’s also possible he just married him to Hanguang-Jun, but he’s gonna put that aside right now because the hysteria is threatening to overwhelm him and this is exactly why he can’t become a Sect Leader, he can’t handle this.
The wolves drop their heads, back away, and eventually scatter. “Ok,” Lan Jingyi says, wiping blood on his robes. “Ok. Ok.”
“He bit you!” Wei Wuxian says, his voice almost gone.
“It’s ok, I’m not hurt.”
“He bit you - ”
Lan Jingyi grabs Wei Wuxian’s arms, squeezes tight. “Look at me, I’m fine.” He takes Wei Wuxian’s hands and guides them to his forehead ribbon. “I did it so you could wear this. It’s going to make sure they recognize you as one of us.”
“Ah,” Wei Wuxian says, fingers sliding along the ribbon.
Lan Jingyi has never seen Hangnung-Jun calmer in his life. And that’s something, that’s really something Lan Jingyi is not going to touch. He watches Hanguang-Jun’s defensive posture just go lax.
“Why - why didn’t you do this earlier?” Wei Wuxian asks.
A lot of reasons. So many reasons. “Because it’s a great offense to take the forehead ribbon from another sect member without asking permission,” Lan Jingyi says, which is another lie and not a lie. A reasonable extrapolation.
“Ah,” Wei Wuxian says. He touches the ribbon again. “What do you think, Lan Zhan? Would I make a good Lan disciple? I think we both know the answer to that, but I do know the sect rules!” Hanguang-Jun looks like he’s going to jump into Wei Wuxian’s lap.
Lan Jingyi is going to be in so much trouble. But later. At least it will be later.
“Oh, hey this makes me think of the last time Lan Zhan had me wrapped up in his ribbon.”
Lan Jingyi chokes. “The last time he - ”
“At Cold Pond, we got to meet Lan Yi, right, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian’s eyes go wide and he loses his train of thought when he looks at Hanguang-Jun as though momentarily forgetting he doesn’t look like a person.
“Wait, what was that? Tell me again,” Lan Jingyi says, “Nope, nope, don’t look at Hanguang-Jun, look at me. Just picture him as a person, sitting there at your side. He’s usually quiet, right? Still and peaceful. Easy to imagine.”
Wei Wuxian nods. He does not look like he finds this easy to imagine. “When Lan Zhan and I were teenagers, we - it doesn't matter. You’ve read about Master Lan Yi?”
Lan Jingyi nods. He’d always thought she sounded really cool. “Well, we met her. She was protecting the Yin Iron. She told us her control was weakening as she ran out of strength, as her time to die was coming close. But she said, even when she was gone, her - her wolf - ” Wei Ying’s voice kind of catches on the word “Her wolf would protect the hills. I didn’t understand what she meant, I thought maybe it was poetic but it seems relevant.”
Hanguang-Jun makes a whining noise. Wei Ying jumps.
“Ok, there's a Sect Leader ghost. Not a ghost - a - a -” Lan Jingyi stammers for the right word. “A protective magic that can maybe take form.”
“A wolf form,” Wei Wuxian says distantly, then freezes up when he looks at Hanguang-Jun.
Lan Jingyi snaps his fingers. “Look at me,” he says. Wei Wuxians eyes snap to him. He’d been slowly inching away from Hanguang-Jun’s paws. “Locating ancient protective magic. I could... maybe do that if I had… another year of disciple training. Do you think if I go to Cold Pond, and, what, just shout for her?”
Hanguang-Jun barks. Wei Ying flinches.
“Yes, yes, no loud voices in Cloud Recesses. I’ll bow and ask very politely. But do you think she might actually be able to speak with me?”
“Can you play Inquiry?” Wei Wuxian asks. It definitely helps his coherence when he’s forcing himself to look at Lan Jingyi.
Lan Jingyi shakes his head. Hanguang Jun’s eyes narrow.
“Oh, you’re right, I am an idiot,” and Lan Jingyi only barely stops himself from saying the second part aloud. He can talk to her as a wolf. “I can… play Inquiry.” he says instead of the truth. “But I’ll need to go alone. Wei-qianbei, I need you to stay here.”
“No!” Wei Ying says and then he looks furious with himself. Hanguang-Jun looks conflicted, like he wants to put a paw on Wei Ying, butt his head against him to comfort him. He does not.
“It’s fine, Wei-qianbei,” Lan Jingyi says, “Hanguang-Jun will protect you.”
“I - I know,” Wei Wuxian says. He lowers his head to Hanguang-Jun, who looks startled, Senior Wei looks into his eyes “I know you’ll protect me, Lan Zhan, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be scared of you. I’m not scared of you, I’m scared of street dogs. You’re refined, you’re so stately as a wolf, your fur is beautiful. It looks soft.” Wei Wuxian reaches out a hand, like maybe he’s ready to try and touch Hanguang-Jun’s fur.
This is definitely Lan Jingyi’s moment to slip away.
He doesn’t get more than halfway to Cold Pond when there’s a vicious fight on the path ahead of him. He can feel it as he approaches and speeds up, and then he can smell the blood.
Lan Jingyi has a talisman ready as soon as he’s in sight. There are three wolves circling another wolf, and their muzzles are red. He throws it at them - the spiritual energy equivalent of throwing cold water, and if they’d been closer to the pond, Lan Jingyi might have actually tried that. If he weren’t as exhausted, or if there wasn’t as much blood, he’d transform and get himself in the middle of the fight.
“Run it off,” Lan Jingyi says, and his voice cracks in frustration. The wolves look at him, and there’s a moment - a truly terrifying moment - where they advance on him. “Run it off,” Lan Jingyi says again, drawing himself up, digging deep for an authority he doesn’t quite have right now. He is not letting his pack turn on one another right now. He reaches for another talisman paper and that gesture finally seems to be enough, and they take off for the back hills, close at one another’s heels, like a line of disciples rushing to lessons.
Lan Jingyi presses his hands to his eyes. For a long moment, the world twists around him like the first moment of waking, where nothing makes sense except the dark softness of sleep and he wants nothing more to sink back into it. To run to the back hills. To lie down on the path right here, and give in to his panic. He has to force himself to take the first few stumbling steps to resume his path to Cold Pond.
He doesn’t get very far when Wei Wuxian comes running after him, and his chest caves in with the fear that he’s being chased and Hanguang-Jun is not behind him.
“Jingyi, it’s Sizhui! Sizhui’s here! He’s at the gate. Lan Zhan ran there but won’t let him in.”
“Sizhui,” Lan Jingyi says with wonder, and then “He’s not alone, is he?” He’s probably come back with Wen Ning, that’s why Hanguang-Jun won’t let him in, with the pack all nervous and imbalanced like this, they might attack The Ghost General, and if Lan Sizhui tries to protect him -
Lan Jingyi is already running and Wei Wuxian falls in after him. “Lan Zhan just took off running,” Wei Wuxian says, “All of a sudden, I guess he could sense him.”
Lan Jingyi is having trouble processing anything beyond the sheer relief he feels that Lan Sizhui is here.
And there he is, in his white robes, his bright, beautiful face turned up into an anxious smile when he sees Lan Jingyi running.
“Sizhui,” Lan Jingyi says, and reaches for Lan Sizhui’s hand to squeeze it tight. Lan Sizhui pulls him into a hug and Lan Jingyi could not need it more.
“Wen-qianbei,” Lan Jingyi says, bowing. The Ghost General looks startled, but he bows in return.
“Jingyi, what’s going on?” Lan Sizhui asks. “Why is Hanguang-Jun a wolf, is he ok?” Lan Sizhui also looks between Hanguang-Jun and Wei Wuxian with his eyes wide. “Is....everything ok?”
“Sizhui, there’s been a curse.” He looks at Wei Wuxian then back to Lan Sizhui. “It’s affected all of Cloud Recesses. Everyone’s in their - everyone’s wolves.”
“But not you,” Lan Sizhui says.
“No,” Lan Jingyi says. “Not me.”
Lan Sizhui nods his understanding.
“Lan Qiren believes Zewu-Jun is at the center of the curse.”
“Lan Qiren isn’t a wolf?”
“I can shift him back to a person for a few minutes at a time but he made me stop because it was draining my spiritual energy.”
“Jingyi!” Lan Sizhui protests, and reaches to feel Lan Jingyi’s meridians. Lan Jingyi waves him off.
“I’m fine, I’m fine.”
“Why is Hangunang-Jun trying to keep me out?”
“I think he anticipated the wolves might be startled by your return.”
Lan Jingyi looks at Hanguang-Jun, who is still circling around Lan Sizhui in a way Lan Jingyi knows is protective and defensive but it’s making Wei Wuxian’s eyes go even wider.
“Yes, I understand,” Lan Sizhui says. “Do you think I might be permitted to enter at your side?”
Lan Jingyi wants to grab Lan Sizui’s hand and never let it go.
“Yes,” Lan Jingyi says, but looks to the Ghost General. “Wen-qianbei, perhaps you could -”
“Of course I could… go somewhere else.”
But abruptly Hanguang-Jun ceases his circling around Lan Sizhui and goes behind Wen Ning, nudging at him behind his knees. Unmistakably moving him forward.
Wei Wuxian is muttering, “It’s Lan Zhan, it’s Lan Zhan.”
“Wen-qianbei, Hanguang-Jun obviously wants you to come with us, I think as protection for Lan Sizhui.”
“I will be fine,” Lan Sizhui says, putting a hand on Lan Jingyi’s shoulders. “I have lived among these people for most of my life. I do not fear them.”
That’s exactly what’s going to keep him safe, Lan Sizhui’s calm and his kindness. He’s so good. Too good. Lan Jingyi cannot think about how good Lan Sizhui is right now.
“I will stay with Sizhui.” Wen Ning says.
“This is very important,” Lan Jingyi says, “I don’t think this is going to happen since all the wolves know Sizhui, but if you need to hit someone, can you be careful not to hurt them too much? They’re confused and scared. I’m not saying let them bite you but it will stir them up, if there’s too much fighting and then more of them will come and - ”
“I will protect Sizhui but nothing more,” Wen Ning says.
“No punching wolves, Ghost General,” Wei Wuxian says faintly.
“No punching wolves, Master Wei.”
As they walk the rest of the way to the interior of Cloud Recesses, Lan Jingyi manages to pull Lan Sizhui ahead so they can talk directly.
“Are you alright?” Lan Sizhui asks. “I can feel that Baba - Hanguang-Jun is upset, and I don’t know how you’ve fooled Wei-qianbei -”
“I didn’t fool him, he’s just too freaked out to question much.”
“He’s wearing a forehead ribbon.”
“Yes,” Lan Jingyi says, though he’d almost already forgotten about that. “I had to do it, the pack - the sect members were freaking out and they were gonna try and fight with Hanguang-Jun.”
“You’re very clever, Jingyi, that was such a smart decision. Wait, that’s Hangunang-Jun’s ribbon?”
Lan Jingyi raises his eyebrows. Lan Sizhui’s smile is small, but good, so good.
“Lan Qiren said this happened once before, with Hanguang-Jun and Zewu-Jun’s father, when his wife died. That’s when Zewu-Jun was made Sect Leader.” There’s silence and Lan Jingyi comes out with it. “Sizhui, Lan Qiren thinks if we can’t get Zewu-Jun back, he’s going to make me Sect Leader. And it’s not gonna go well, because I am not Sect Leader material, and I’m not ready to fight to the death and -”
“Jingyi,” Lan Sizhui says, hands on Lan Jingyi’s shoulders, “What do you mean, fight to the death?”
“It won’t be a normal transfer of sect leadership, it’s like - it will be jarring. And the kids should be ok with it but some of the elders will challenge me. No, listen, it gets worse. Lan Qiren said it will hurt Zewu-Jun.I’ll be tearing something from him, and if he’s already in qi deviation - I can’t.”
“It’s ok,” Lan Sizhui says, “It’s ok, we’re not gonna let anything happen to Zewu-Jun. We need to ask Jin Ling for help.”
Lan Jingyi’s eyes go wide. “We can’t just ask Jin Ling to go looking for a wolf. The Little Mistress is going to be instantly suspicious. And oh, by the way, the wolf is probably wearing a forehead ribbon, no big deal. He’s gonna have no problem connecting the dots to the Lan Werewolf Secret.”
“He and Fairy could help find Zewu-Jun faster than anyone.”
It’s true. Lan Sizhui’s right. Jin Ling actually has the best chance.
Lan Jingyi nods. “You think he’ll go, just like that?” Lan Sizhui gives Lan Jingyi a look.
“This is a serious threat to an allied sect,” Lan Sizhui says, “Besides, he’s our friend.”
Lan Jingyi takes several steadying breaths. Lan Sizhui reaches for wrist, and their fingers brush as he tries to send spiritual energy into him.
“I’m fine, I’m just stressed. And anxious. And terrified.”
“And all of those things disrupt your spiritual energy, Jingyi, now is not the time to pretend to be invincible.”
“I don’t pretend,” Lan Jingyi says. Lan Sizhui gives him a deeply fond smile that makes Lan Jingyi feel light. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Lan Jingyi says as Lan Sizhui’s cool spiritual energy flows into him. If he moved just a little, he could tangle their fingers together, but no. Not now.
Lan Sizhui eases and then stops the flow of spiritual energy. Lan Jingyi does feel better. It’s absolutely not just being able to look into Sizui’s soft brown eyes.
Lan Sizhui sends a message to Jin Ling, and makes an attempt to urge Wei Wuxian to the Jingshi, or somewhere out of the way, once Lan Sizhui figures out that’s what Hanguang-Jun keeps attempting to do.
“No, no,” Wei Wuxian says, “I need to stay with you!”
“I am fine,” Lan Sizhui says. Wei Wuxian shakes his head as Hanguang-Jun nudges at the backs of his knees and Wei Wuxian squeaks. “I am not afraid.”
“I’m not afraid either!” Wei Wuxian protests.
In a perfect imitation of Hanguang-Jun, Lan Sizhui says, “Lying is forbidden.” It makes Wei Wuxian laugh, and then his expression goes sheepish.
“Hi,” Lan Jingyi says to Wen Ning, who is hanging back and watching, face as placid as ever. Lan Jingyi’s still pretty scared of him.
“Hi,” Wen Ning says, “are you not a wolf?”
“I am,” Lan Jingyi says, “I have pretty good control over my transformation.”
“It seems like more than that,” Wen Ning says.
“I needed to protect Sizhui,” Lan Jingyi says. Wen Ning nods, as if that’s enough.
Lan Sizhui joins them, seemingly having given the attempts to coerce Wei Wuxian into getting away from the fray back over to Hanguang-Jun.
“Before you got here,” Lan Jingyi says. “I was going to try something really out there.”
“Like how out there?” Lan Sizhui asks.
“Wei Wuxian says he and Hanguang-Jun met Lan Yi in Cold Pond Cave when they were teenagers.”
“I remember Hanguang-Jun telling me that story. But that was years ago, she couldn’t possibly still be there.”
“Well Wei Wuxian remembers that Lan Yi said her spirit - in the form of a wolf - would always protect the Lan clan.”
“She said that to him? ‘In the form of a wolf?’”
“Yes,” Lan Jingyi says, eyebrows at his hairline. “And he thought that it might be relevant to the curse, since everyone is wolves.”
“Yes,” Lan Sizhui says, “That does seem… relevant.”
“We could come with you,” Lan Sizhui says. Wen Ning agrees.
Wei Wuxian’s high-pitched laughter draws all of their gazes back.
“I think it’s better if you stay together.” He lowers his voice and says, “Hanguang-Jun thinks I’ll only be able to talk to her as a wolf.”
Lan Sizhui squeezes Lan Jingyi’s hand. “I understand,” he says. “Be safe.”
Ok, he’s gonna talk to a ghost. This is a good plan. Great. Great.
Lan Sizhui promises to watch over Wei Wuxian and let Lan Jingyi know immediately if anything else happens to disturb the peace of the pack.
Lan Jingyi lets himself transform into a wolf and it’s a glorious relief, like finally coming down from disciplinary headstands just before his arms go numb and his head goes swimmy. Like slipping into the bath on the coldest mornings in winter. Like seeing Lan Sizhui smile.
He hasn’t realized how strong the tug of Zewu-Jun’s imbalance is until he’s in his wolf form. Like loud music, or distant shrieks of upset, one note over and over. Mourning.
Lan Jingyi should have done something. He should have done anything, if Zewu-Jun was in so much pain that the whole Sect could feel his imbalance.
This is what he can do now. He runs.
Cold Pond is mist-covered and quiet, and as Lan Jingyi always does when he’s near the water in wolf form, he looks down at his reflection. He’s not nearly as scrawny as he used to be, his muzzle looking less like a puppy’s and more like - well, like a senior disciple’s.
He sits, belly to the ground, paws out. As close to a meditating pose as a wolf can get. And he casts his mind as far out as it can go, dials up his awareness of the space around him, focusing on the smells and the gentle vibration of spiritual energy that marks this place as home.
He feels something stir, a breeze that doesn’t cease blowing, tugging at his fur.
He opens his eyes. There is a wolf spirit before him. White, shining white, like everything about her is sun on pearls.
It’s incredible. Lan Jingyi is not this powerful and he is not this lucky. She must feel the imbalance. She must, in some way, still be a part of the pack. And she’s appeared for him.
No offense, Great Master Lan he thinks into her mind, as he would speak to another wolf, but touched with hysteria and panic and the part of Lan Jingyi that’s still a really scared kid who hasn’t learned deference. but you have to help me not become Sect Leader!
Lan Jingyi finds out even a spirit wolf can give him the side-eye.
He calms himself, as best he can. He sends her thoughts and images, which are much easier than words to explain what’s going on, and over and over they circle back to Zewu-Jun, his paws on Lan Jingyi’s shoulders. His escape.
You cannot heal the broken heart of someone who does not want to heal Her voice is like the trickle of water.
I understand Lan Jingyi says. But he still came here after - everything that happened. He still came home. There must be something he wants to stay for.
Then you must help him remember.
So that’s what I have to do. I have to get him to listen? What am I supposed to say? How do I even figure out what will get him back?
How do you speak to those you care about when they are far?
He thinks of Lan Sizhui, of the long times they’ve been parted. He can’t send a message. He can -
Are you saying if I just… think of him, he might hear me?”
Master Lan Yi looks at him, steady. Her eyes are deeper than Cold Pond, deeper than the ocean.
Lan Jingyi needs his teacher. He needs the teacher who taught him everything, who taught him control, and restraint, and faith in himself. He needs him more than anything.
If there’s a chance Zewu-Jun can hear him, he will call for him with everything left in him.
Before he can bow to Master Lan Yi, her spirit vanishes. For a moment Lan Jingyi watches it dissipate, and he breathes in the cold air, transforms back into his human form, and heads for the Hanshi. The door is still open, the building achingly empty.
He sits at the place he would sit across from Zewu-Jun, before he was Head Disciple of Full Moons. Before he had anything close to this kind of control. The scent of osmanthus, the joss sticks for meditation, the scrolls that Zewu-Jun would ready for him, shifting from wolf to human and back again at the low table by the window. All of it rushes back to him. Everything Zewu-Jun gave him, and he’s still going to ask for more.
“Zewu-Jun,” Lan Jingyi says, “I need your help, the same way I did then. But I also think - forgive this disciple his presumption, but I also think you need my help. You need someone’s help, and right now I guess I’m the one available. I know you're giving me the look, the one you always gave me when I was being too precocious, even though you were always so careful not to squash my personality.”
Lan Jingyi takes a breath and tries again.
“I can’t truly understand what you went through, but I know what Jin Ling told me about Yunping. I know we’re not peers, Zewu-Jun, I will always be your student, but whatever happened to you is big, too big for you to carry yourself. It passed through you and into the pack, through the Sect and I’m not - I’m not blaming you, I know you care too much about us. Which is why I think you ran.
“It’s grief, I get it now. If I’d lost someone important - if I lost Sizhui. It would turn my whole world upside down, It would hollow me out. Maybe that’s what you’re feeling. I just wish you could feel it here. With us”
If it had been Lan Sizhui, if I’d had to see his blood -
“I’m desperate and I’m scared, but it’s better when you’re here, I don’t even know if you can hear me, but I miss you, and I don’t want to be Sect Leader,” Lan Jingyi says, the last one a joke to get through his tears. “I don’t want to be Sect Leader until you’re ready not to be Sect Leader anymore, and if that’s right now, if you’re finished with it, you have to come here and tell me that to my face!”
Lan Jingyi shouts the last part, half hysteria, half tantrum, and then he goes out and lays on the porch of the Hanshi, looking up at the sky. It’s just going dark, and if this doesn’t work, he’ll wake Lan Qiren at dawn, and he’ll… he’ll do whatever he has to do next. Fight to the death. It might be his death and then the Lan Sect will going to fall and -
Jin Ling’s butterfly dances too close to Lan Jingyi’s face and he swats at it when it won’t land in his hand. It flies off, because of course the Little Mistress wouldn’t miss a chance to hold an audience.
Lan Jingyi is getting pretty tired of walking down to the gate of Cloud Recesses, but even the wolves who had been dutifully guarding were starting to get restless and Lan Jingyi had sent them to run it off on the back hills, so he was not only Head Disciple Desperately Avoiding Becoming Sect leader but he was also the only one who could open the gate.
Jin Ling looks annoyed, and worried. “Where is everyone? Don’t you guys have guards?”
“Yeah, about that,” Lan Jingyi says but then he doesn’t explain and Jin Ling puts his hands on his hips.
“Where’s Sizhui?”
“Trying to make sure Wei Wuxian doesn’t have a qi deviation from panic.”
“What does Wei Wuxian have to panic about?” Jin Ling demands. “Especially in Cloud Recesses?”
Before Lan Jingyi can explain, Ouyang Zizhen comes running up the steps, red-faced and sweaty.
“What?” Lan Jingyi says, “You brought Zizhen? Sizhui asked you to go out alone!”
“Going out with Zizhen is the same as going out alone!”
Ouyang Zizhen smiles, unsure whether it’s a compliment or not and then seeming to go with yes. “They’re fighting again,” Ouyang Zizhen says. “They won’t come all the way up the stairs.”
“Who’s fighting?” Lan Jingyi says. “How many people did you bring?”
Jin Ling rolls his eyes. “You think I’d come here without what you sent me to retrieve?”
The swoop of hope in Lan Jingyi’s belly almost knocks him over. “Did you - you found - ”
“Yeah I found a Lan Sect member who had been turned into a wolf,” Jin Ling says, “Which is interesting since I didn’t know that was a thing that could happen.” He looks significantly at Lan Jingyi.
“Yes, yes, ok, we’re werewolves,” Lan Jingyi says. “Please tell me you have Zewu-Jun.”
“Oh my fucking god, that’s Zewu-Jun?” Ouyang Zizhen shouts, hand over his mouth.
Jin Ling actually looks nervous. He whistles for Fairy, who comes running up, then promptly turns around and bounds back down the stairs, only to return with -
“Oh fuck,” Lan Jingyi says, falling to his knees when he sees the white wolf ascending at Fairy’s side.
“Hey, you’re ok, you’re ok,” Ouyang Zizhen says, gesturing for Jin Ling to help heft up Lan Jingyi. “I absolutely cannot fucking wait for you to tell me what’s going on and also change into a werewolf for me.”
“I want to see Wei Wuxian freak out,” Jin Ling says.
“It’s actually kind of sad,” Lan Jingyi says. “He’s genuinely terrified and his soulmate is sitting right at his feet, all furry.”
“Can you not call them soulmates?” Jin Ling protests.
“They are, though,” Ouyang Zizhen says, clutching at his heart.
“I need Sizhui,” Jin Ling says in exasperation. “Wait, is he a werewolf, too?”
“No, though The Ghost General thinks he might be some kind of Wen shifter, he’s still figuring it out.”
“What?” Jin Ling protests.”Sizhui’s a Wen?”
“There are a lot of secrets!” Jingyi flails.
Zewu-Jun goes tearing off, but this time it’s into Cloud Recesses, and not away. Fairy, thankfully, follows.
“Wow,” Ouyang Zizhen says dreamily. “This is so cool.”
“Look, my nephew!” Wei Wuxian says.
Lan Jingyi thinks he's looking a little better than the last time he saw him, but Jing Ling says, not even a whisper, “Yeah, he looks terrible.”
“There’s no reason to be scared, Jin Ling,” Wei Wuxian says, though it’s definitely also for his own benefit. “It’s just a curse that’s made them wolves.”
“Isn’t it just supposed to be on the full moon?” Ouyang Zizhen asks, “Or are all the nightmare fuel books I read about werewolves completely wrong?”
“They’re probably wrong,” Lan Jingyi says, “But yeah, usually the full moon is - “
Lan Jingyi’s heart nearly explodes when Wei Wuxian says, “Werewolves?”
Shit shit shit.
“What do you mean, werewolves?” Wei Wuxian says, louder. Ouygang Zixhen and Jin Ling look at one another.
“He’s a wolf,” Jin Ling says, gesturing to Hanguang-Jun, who is reacting to Wei Wuxian’s near panic and starting to pace. “Why did you think he was a wolf?”
“Lan Jingyi said it was a curse.”
“Yeah, a werewolf curse,” Jin Ling says.
Thankfully, Lan Sizhui slides next to Wei Wuxian and starts murmuring.
“A-Yuan, are you a werewolf?” Wei Wuxian asks, still looking like he’s about to start screeching, or maybe running.
“No,” Lan Sizhui says.
“See?” Wei Wuxian says to no one. “Ah, hahaha,” Wei Wuxian says, and then he genuinely starts to panic, Lan Jingyi feels it, and what’s worse, he knows the other wolves feel it too because there’s howling in the back hills which makes Wei Ying start to shake. Hanguang-Jun is pressed up against his legs, and Wei Wuxian looks down at him and says, “Lan Zhan, I’m fine, I’m fine.” But he’s not fine.
“I need someone to get me something from the healer’s. Something to… make him calmer.”
“I can find something,” Wen Ning says. The wolves howl again.
“I’ll take you,” Lan Sizhui says and practically flies off with Wen Ning.
“What’s going on?” Jin Ling says.
“Try not to panic,” Lan Jingyi says.
“I’m not panicking but when you say things like that you make me feel like I want to panic!”
“I’m maybe panicking,” Ouyang Zizhen says. Jin Ling rolls his eyes at him.
“Everyone’s really… sensitive right now, and Wei Wuxian is kind of… giving off some extreme emotions that are kind of gonna make everyone freak out.”
“Freak out how?” Jin Ling says.
The howls get louder. Closer.
“Hey, hey,” Lan Jingyi says, focusing all his attention on Wei Wuxian. “Look at me.” Wei Wuxian does, but his eyes are almost unfocused. “Yeah, ok, I lied, I’m sorry, everybody’s turned wolves because we were always wolves. The Lan Sect is secretly werewolves, and normally we’ve got it under control and so you’d never know! But something went wrong with Zewu-Jun and now everyone’s really, really stressed.”
“Are you - are you not a werewolf?” Wei Wuxian says. He reaches out for Lan Jingyi’s shoulder but he can’t seem to make contact. Lan Jingyi puts both his hands on Wei Wuxian’s shoulders, squeezing tight.
“I am,” Lan Jingyi says. Wei Wuxian shakes underneath his hands.
“Why didn’t Lan Zhan tell me?” Wei Wuxian says, sounding so sad, it almost feels like this isn’t something Lan Jingyi should be here for at all.
“Look at me,” Lan Jingyi says, sharp, and Wei Wuxian’s eyes clear, locked onto his. Lan Jingyi feels it, he has one chance to do this right.
“Because he knew you were scared of dogs.”
Wei Wuxian laughs, scared and panicked, and tears start to fall. The wolves howl, closer, too close.
Lan Sizhui arrives, with a cup of medicine.
“Senior Wei, please drink this,” Lan Sizhui says. Wei Wuxian isn’t moving, and so Lan Sizhui, bold, confident Lan Sizhui, lifts it to Wei Wuxian’s lips until he starts to drink, then takes the cup himself.
Hanguang-Jun growls.
“Stop it,” Lan Jingyi says, forgetting himself. “You know we have to do this. He’ll be fine, and this will keep everyone calm, ok? Don’t look at me like that, and don’t bite me again, ok?”
“Again,” Wei Wuxian says before he starts to sway and Sizhui catches him. “I’ll bring him to the Jingshi,” Lan Sizhui says, and Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen go over and help. Hanguang-Jun looks at Lan Jingyi for a long moment before trotting away.
The howls space themselves out, then quiet, and then stop. He takes a deep breath.
Lan Jingyi knows what he has to do next. It’s simple, it’s straightforward, it’s terrifying. He’s going to have to force the absolute strongest wolf he knows back into human form. The Sect Leader.
His friends find him pacing on the path up to the Hanshi.
“I thought you were just going to change him back,” Jin Ling says. “Why do you look like you’re about to jump off a cliff?”
It shouldn't be any different than transforming Lan Qiren, which admittedly Lan Jingyi did without thinking it through all that much, and certainly without knowing that his ability to make it actually happen was the only thing standing between everyone’s safety and complete chaos.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen if he fights it. I tried it with Hanguang-Jun and it’s like running at the mountain, I can’t go through it, I just end up trying to run over it and exhaust myself.”
“What makes you think it will be any different?”
“Jin Ling,” Lan Sizhui says softly.
“I’m not being mean! I want to know why it’s different so we don’t just let him try to run up a mountain and burn out his golden core!”
“I really don’t know if it will be different, I’m just scared,” Lan Jingyi says.
“It’s ok,” Ouyang Zizhen says. Jin Ling nods, because he can’t say it himself.
“Hanguang-Jun is known for his immovability,” Lan Sizhui says, “It makes sense that even if he was aware of the danger, his instincts would not allow someone to forcibly transform him.”
“So you’re just hoping that Zewu-Jun won’t fight as hard?” Jin Ling asks.
“I don’t fucking know what I’m hoping, ok? This is the only thing I can think to do so I’m going to try it, but at least he came back. He’s here even though he ran off, so maybe he wants to help and this is what I can do -”
Jin Ling has his hand on Lan Jingyi’s shoulder. “I get it,” Jin Ling says, “I ask a lot of questions when I’m trying to help.”
Ouyang Zizhen comes over nodding. “He really does.”
“You can do this, Jingyi.” Lan Sizhui says. “We’ll be right here.”
Inside the Hanshi, Zewu-Jun is pacing. Fairy is at the door and they seem to be having some sort of argument, and every time Zewu-Jun looks like he’s going to slip out, Fairy just snaps at him. If Lan Jingyi were a little less exhausted and a little less overwhelmed and maybe a little more experienced, he could figure out the subtle dynamics of it.
“Ok, I think you know what I’m going to do, right? I don’t know, Fairy, do you think he knows?” Zewu-Jun does not look quite like himself, quite like he’s listening but also he does not look like he wants to tear Lan Jingyi to pieces. “Fuck, I wish one of you was human, but that’s kind of the point here isn’t it?”
“Lan Jingyi,” Lan Sizhui says soothingly at his back.
“No, I know, I know, i’m sorry, I’m just so scared it isn’t gonna work. What if it doesn’t work?”
“Fairy, I want you to bite him if he falls apart,” Jin Ling says.
It startles a laugh out of Lan Jingyi.
“If it doesn’t work, then Sizhui said you get to run a sect, which I still think is a pretty cool thing. Then I’ll have two sect leaders as friends and that means we’re a third of the way there to taking over the cultivation world.”
Lan Jingyi stares open-mouthed at Ouyang Zizhen, and then Jin Ling makes a gesture and Fairy takes a step towards him.
“Ok, ok, tell Fairy not to bite me, I’m ready, I can do this,” Lan Jingyi says. He cuts his finger, writes the radicals, feels for every little bit of spiritual energy he has to spare, and he presses the talisman between Zewu-Jun’s eyes.
He goes someplace that feels like Master Lan Yi’s opalescent mist. Someplace that feels like the splash of lantern oil and sleep paralysis, when he looks at a scroll but can’t read it because he’s not actually awake and he can’t quite control his limbs but he knows he has to do something.
This is not what a transformation talisman is supposed to feel like.
He thinks this must be what it feels like to be struck by the moon in it’s barely visible phase.
He is nowhere, and he can’t see Zewu-Jun, he can’t see himself, he can’t tell if he's a person or wolf or if he’s stuck in between, if he is even entirely inside himself. Spiritual energy flows from him, billowing around him. Some of it is coming from him and some of it is Zewu-Jun’s.
The flutter of prayer flags. Billowing white curtains. The coldness in his very core from his spiritual energy being cut off. Rain and blood and the curve of familiar fingers around his sword.
The flight of a crane as he makes a feint at it. Running in the snow for the first time, chasing the paw prints of family.
Waking from a nightmare where Lan Sizhui’s bed was covered in blood. Wishing it was a nightmare as he touched the ugly black stitches along the cold skin of his friend. Pleas and screams and the sulphur smell of resentful energy. The damp of the cave and the tightness of ropes around his arms and The Ghost General lifting him up.
A sweet song turned bitter. Woodsmoke and high thin clouds and safety. The catch of stones against the pads of his paws and he runs and runs and runs.
The mist of who he is fades, like the moon when the sun’s coming out. He hopes it isn’t dawn yet, he thought he had more time, he needs more time, he needs-
When Lan Jingyi wakes, he’s on a stiff cot under several heavy blankets. He struggles to move them aside so he can sit up.
“No, no, I have to - It didn’t work and you have to let me try - ” He tries to call forth the transformation talisman, to fill his palms with energy and the effort burns.
“Shhh, baobei,” Zewu-Jun says.
Zewu-Jun is here. He’s here with Lan Jingyi in the Hanshi, on a small cot by the window, his favorite place to watch the moon. Lan Jingyi starts to cry.
Zewu-Jun squeezes his hand, takes a warm washcloth and wipes his tears away.
“Is everything - is everyone - ”
“Shhh,” Zewu-Jun says, “All is well and you have exhausted your spiritual energy managing the Sect,” Zewu-Jun says, “And bringing me back.”
“I didn’t bring you back, you came back when Jin Ling found you and -”
Zewu-Jun’s smile is tight but still somehow indulgent. “Jingyi, do you think in the state I was in, I would have willingly followed Jin Ling and his spirit dog? That I would have followed anyone? Let anyone lead me anywhere?”
“Zewu-Jun,” Lan Jingyi says.
“I heard you,” Zewu-Jun says. Lan Jingyi has to fight another wave of tears. “You are very brave, and very kind.”
Lan Jingyi just closes his eyes and breathes through his nose until he is almost sure he won’t break into sobs.
“Wait,” Lan Jingyi says, after Zewu-Jun has helped him to sit up enough that he can drink the tea Zewu-Jun hands him. “I shouldn't be here, I’m breaking your seclusion - “
Zewu-Jun’s look is stern. “This is my burden to bear. The Sect needs me. You need me. I am here.”
Lan Jingyi lets his eyes close and finds they’re harder to open again. Zewu-Jun removes the pillows behind him, eases him back down. He feels cool spiritual energy pouring into him, and like the rain after the endless low pressure and humidity in the air, the downpour of it soothes him to sleep.
Ouyang Zizhen and Jin Ling stop to see him before they have to return home.
“I want you to know I am extremely disappointed, Lan Jingyi,” Ouyang Zizhen says, “That I did not get to see you turn into a werewolf, and do not think our business is done until I have seen your wolfish face.”
“Zizhen, let’s go,” Jin Ling says.
“He’s disappointed, too,” Ouyang Zizhen assures him.
“Thanks,” Lan Jingyi says. “For coming.”
“Yeah,” Jin Ling says, trying to wave it off while obviously looking pleased. “Fairy has a crush on Zewu-Jun, it’s gross,” Jin Ling says, and Lan Jingyi laughs so hard he coughs.
It’s another few days before Lan Jingyi is released from Zewu-Jun’s constant observation, another week before Lan Jingyi can go through the day without needing to take a midday rest. Lan Sizhui trails him closely, and in the mornings and evenings they sit together as Lan Sizhui tells him about all that happened to him in his travels with Wen Ning, and gives him spiritual energy that Lan Jingyi insists he doesn't need but is a balm to the raw, exhausted place that still lingers from everything that happened.
Two weeks later, just before the full moon, Lan Jingyi is summoned before Lan Qiren.
Lan Jingyi’s bow is deep. Lan Qiren does not speak. Lan Jingyi can usually be patient - well, patient for him, at least, but the silence is terrifying.
“Lan laoshi, I know this disciple disappointed you and I broke many rules and so if you wanted a different Head Disciple for full moons, I understand.”
Lan Qiren stares at him.
“I am not disappointed,” Lan Qiren says, voice firm and it takes Lan Jingyi a moment to understand he’s not being rebuked. “You protected the Sect and you returned my nephew to us.”
“I told like five people about the Sect secret. Another Sect leader. And Wei Wuxian.”
Lan Qiren’s mouth twitches at Wei Wuxian’s name. “Were these decisions made lightly?”
“No,” Lan Jingyi says.
“Were they made with ill intent?”
“No,” Lan Jingyi says.
“I do not want another to replace you in your duties,” Lan Qiren says. Lan Jingyi can hardly believe it. “You will copy all of the rules pertaining to our traditions 12 times.”
Once for each of the full moons.
Lan Jingyi tries not to grin at Lan Qiren. He bows, and quickly hurries out.
Lan Jingyi concludes from the gossip that is absolutely not allowed that Wei Wuxian is still in Cloud Recesses, and it’s confirmed by Lan Sizhui, who is quietly pleased. Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun are rarely seen, but the one time Lan Jingyi catches sight of Wei Wuxian, he’s not wearing the forehead ribbon anymore. He’s still here. He knows Hanguang-Jun is a werewolf and he’s still here.
Lan Jingyi scolds himself for being this tied up in Hanguang-Jun’s romantic life, but they’re basically like Lan Sizhui’s dads and so if Lan Jingyi has a vested interest in their happiness, well. That’s his own business.
Lan Jingyi’s hand is aching and his eyes dry from his sect rule copying session in the library, but Lan Sizhui has made tea and is smiling at him when he comes back to their rooms.
“Zewu-Jun came to speak to me today,” Lan Sizhui says. Lan Jingyi still gets tired so easily, so he just lays there on his bed and knows Lan Sizhui will know he’s listening. “He told me why you’re so good at controlling your change.”
“Yeah, ‘cause I have worked my ass off.”
“He said you had an innate ability which you drew on and continued to expand. You were able to retain control even when Lan Qiren could not.”
“Don’t think I don’t get lectures weekly from Lan Qiren about my sword forms and my ‘un-Lan-like propensity to favor inventions by Wei Wuxian.’ I mean, actually, if he thought about it, it really is pretty Lan-like, considering Hanguang-Jun.”
“Zewu-Jun told me,” Lan Sizhui says, ignoring Lan Jingyi’s aside. “Why you focused on this.”
Lan Jingyi goes still.
“For me,” Lan Sizhui says. “From the first moment I came to Cloud Recesses, you were there. Even when I didn’t need to be guarded anymore, when the pack accepted me. You kept working on your control. You kept improving. Zewu-Jun knows, because he was the one who taught you.”
Lan Jingyi is quiet.
“Why? Why did you work so hard when I was already safe?”
“You could never be safe enough,” Lan Jingyi says, and it’s harsh. Raw. “There was always a chance, a curse, a fight, a possession, there are so many things that could make one of us hurt you.”
“For a while now, I’ve felt - I’ve wanted - '' Lan Sizhui hesitates and Lan Jingyi’s absolutely going to break apart. Lan Sizhui can’t possibly mean this. “I thought you wanted to be with a wolf. You always said I needed to be protected, and I assumed you wanted to be with someone who - ”
“You need protection from me!” Lan Jingyi says, voice raised much louder than is respectful but he can’t help it.
“You would never hurt me, Jingyi,” Lan Sizhui says. He reaches down and brushes his fingers lightly over Lan Jingyi’s cheek and Lan Jingyi leans into it. He thinks he makes a small sound. Almost a whimper.
“You don’t know that,” Lan Jingyi says.
“I do,” Lan Sizhui counters, “I do know.” He holds out his hand, and Lan Jingyi takes it, and pulls him down.
Lan Sizhui is on top of him. His face - his mouth is right there and - Lan Jingyi wants. Slowly, Lan Sizhui rests his weight on top of Lan Jingyi so their bodies are flush.
Then he takes Lan Jingyi’s hands and brings them to his hair.
“Sizhui.” Lan Jingyi is trembling. But Lan Sizhui doesn’t stop there. He places his hands over Lan Jingyi’s, guiding them to the knot of his headband before letting his own hands drop to either side of Lan Jingyi’s face.
“Remove it,” Lan Sizhui says. “You’re allowed.”
“For wolves. You’re not a wolf.”
“No. I’m not,” Lan Sizhui says. “Untie it.”
When Lan Jingyi feels the knot slip loose, the ribbon falling into his hand, Lan Sizhui kisses him. Lan Sizhui’s lips are soft, and his mouth is hot, and Lan Jingyi can’t believe he actually gets to feel Lan Sizhui like this. This close.
Lan Sizhui pulls back just to look and Lan Jingyi pulls him in again. They kiss for a long time. Lan Jingyi lets himself start to touch Lan Sizhui, his face, his shoulders, his arms.
“Jingyi,” Lan Sizhui says, then stopping to kiss him again, “you don’t have to love me quietly anymore.”
Lan Jingyi makes a needy, shocked sound. He feels tears slip down his cheeks.
“I want you to tell me every day,” Lan Sizhui says and Lan Jingyi kisses him with his hands on his face. They kiss like that until dark, learning one another’s mouths, and Lan Jingyi drinks in every single one of Lan Sizhui’s gasps and pleased exhalations. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get enough. When Lan Sizhui notices it’s past time when they should be asleep, he gentles their kisses. “Tomorrow,” Lan Sizhui says. “And they day after that.”
“And the day after that,” Lan Jingyi says. He goes to get up and Lan Sizhui’s hand catches his arm.
“Will you stay? Will you sleep beside me?”
Lan Jingyi didn’t die during the whole sect’s forced transformation, and he didn’t die talking to the spirit of Lan Yi, and he didn’t die bringing Zewu-Jun back, so he certainly isn’t going to die right now from all-consuming joy. But it’s a close thing.
Lan Jingyi runs into Wei Wuxian on his way to the library for more rule-copying. Behind him trails a group of younger disciples. :an Jingyi wonders if Hanguang-Jun has coerced him into teaching. He wonders if Lan Qiren knows, and then decides he does not want to find out. At the other end of the line of disciples walks Lan Sizhui, who gives Lan Jingyi a lingering look that makes Lan Jingyi twitch in nervous embarrassment.
“Lan Jingyi! I never said thanks, you know,” Wei Wuxian says. “For making me a temporary member of the Lan Sect. For trying to keep me calm.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Wei-quinabei.”
Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “You’re good at it. Staying calm.”
“The Lan Sect values restraint,” Lan Jingyi says, which makes Wei Wuxian laugh, much too loud for the paths of Cloud Recesses. Lan Jingyi hopes he stays around.
Lan Jingyi bows, and continues on his way to the library when the quiet baritone of Hanguang-Jun rings out behind him.
“Lan Jingyi.” This is the first time Hanguang-Jun has spoken to him since the whole sect's werewolf breakdown. Since Lan Jingyi had sassed him, and taken his forehead ribbon off and tied it around Wei Wuxian.
“Oh noooooo,” Lan Jingyi hisses. Lan Sizhui is hanging back for a moment from the line of disciples. Lan Jingyi blindly reaches for his hand. “I’m going to die. Sizhui, I’m going to be thrown out of the sect. I’m going to be exiled to the back hills. I’m going to be -”
Lan Sizhui stops him with a kiss. In front of everyone. In front of Lan Sizhui’s dads.
“Oh shit,” Lan Jingyi whispers.
Lan Sizhui just beams at him and puts his hands on his shoulders to turn him to face Hanguang-Jun.
Lan Jingyi walks over, and bows low. He knows his cheeks are red. He knows Hanguang-Jun can destroy him with a word.
“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have touched your forehead ribbon. I shouldn’t have - ”
“You protected Wei Ying,” he says. “For that I am grateful.”
Lan Jingyi literally cannot believe Hanguang-Jun just said that.
“You will make a devoted cultivation partner for Sizhui,” Haunguang-Jun says and Lan Jingyi just stands there with his mouth open. He thinks in his utter panic that Hanguang-Jun’s eyes have almost a glimmer of amusement
“Thank you Hanguang-Jun,” he manages to squeak out belatedly, bowing deeply.
When Jingy goes back over to the disciplines all he can say is “oh no” as he squeezes Lan Sizhui’s hand until he can get out the part about him being grateful. He tells no one the second part.
Not until that night, sitting at the foot of Lan Sizhui’s bed, letting Lan Sizhui brush his hair.
“Hanguang-Jun said,” and his voice goes croaky “Hanguang-Jun said that I would be a devoted cultivation partner. To you.”
Lan Sizhui’s hands stop on his hair, but it’s not in shock or objection, it’s to kiss the top of Lan Jingyi’s head.
“Hanguang-Jun is a good judge of character.” Lan Sizhui says, and Lan Jingyi can hear he’s smiling.
“Is that something you’d want? Someday?” Lan Jingyi asks, making sure to add the last part, to leave it open, to make sure not to pressure Lan Sizhui.
“I love you,” Lan Sizhui says, and resumes the slow strokes of the comb through Lan Jingyi’s hair.