Archive of Our Own

Year 6

The six year old was playing with her pink car when she heard the doorbell ring. Naturally curious, she walked out of her room to look outside. Her father opened the door with a big grin on his face. She hid behind her mother’s legs when she saw three strangers walk into her house.

“Jingnu, don’t be scared. These are our new neighbors. The nice sir over there is your dad’s old friend from college.” She bent down to fix the little buns on her daughter’s hair and smoothed out the creases on her red shirt.

Jingnu peeked around her mother to see an older couple and a little girl. The man was tall like her father and the woman had kind eyes similar to her mother’s. Her curious eyes landed on the girl who was much taller than herself, her long hair was covering her face and she looked scared. Jingnu’s shy demeanor instantly vanished once she realized she wasn’t the only one nervous. Her mother fixed her hair once more and stood up.

“Honey, don’t be scared. They have a daughter the same age as you. Come on, I’ll introduce you to her.” She held her daughter’s hand and led her towards the family of three.

“Sukhbaru! Furong! It’s so nice to see you again!” The couple mutually expressed their joy of seeing their longtime friend again, then they looked at the little girl with the buns on her head.

Jingnu’s mother smiled, “This is Jingnu, my daughter.” As her mother introduced her, she watched the taller girl next to the older couple with wide eyes. She really wanted to know her name. The couple sensed her curiosity.

“Hi Jingnu, this our daughter Qi Yan.”

Qi Yan was still staring at the ground when her parents introduced her. She was too nervous being in a new environment, but she was also feeling insecure about her eyes. She realized at a young age that having amber-colored eyes was not normal. Her old classmates constantly teased her for it. Her head was still tilted down when she saw a pair of small feet step into her focus.

“Hi Qi Yan, would you like to be my friend?”, a cute little voice asked her.

Qi Yan unconsciously tightened her hands together and kept her head down. She didn’t want to scare the little girl in front of her. Jingnu watched the taller girl shrink back.

“Hey, don’t be scared. My mommy taught me to always be kind to others!” Her parents smiled at her with proud eyes while Qi Yan’s parents laughed at the adorable six year old.

Qi Yan slowly lifted her head to look at Jingnu ready to see the fear in her eyes.

Impatient to see what her new friend looked like, Jingnu stepped closer. She let out a small gasp when she saw Qi Yan’s eyes, she had never seen eyes with those colors before.

Qi Yan expected a loud reaction but she was surprised to see astonishment instead of fear in the little girl’s eyes.

Jingnu grinned with a missing tooth. “Your eyes look so cool!” She turned around to her parents, “Mommy, I want those eyes too!”

Qi Yan’s parents were relieved to see this reaction, they secretly hoped for Qi Yan to have friends who would accept her. As Jingnu turned back to look at Qi Yan, the taller girl let out a giggle. Qi Yan couldn’t help but laugh at the girl with a missing tooth, added with the little buns on her head. She was so cute. Qi Yan wanted to be her friend.

Jingnu felt pleased so she asked, “Do you want to play with my toys?” Qi Yan nodded then let the girl grab her hand. They ran to Jingnu’s room, Qi Yan couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the huge collection of dollhouses and toy cars.

“Whoa, you have everything here.” Jingnu grinned in response.

“From now on, they’re yours too!”

Qi Yan didn’t understand why Jingnu was being so nice to her, she also didn’t realize her eyes were getting wet. Jingnu was too busy organizing her dollhouse so she didn’t see teardrops soaking into a blue sweater. She quickly turned around when she heard a quiet sniff. Qi Yan wiped her tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Qi Yan, what’s wrong? Is it because you don’t like these toys?”, Jingnu sadly asked.

She was ready to ask her parents to buy her new toys for Qi Yan until the latter retorted, “Why are you so nice to me? Everyone hates me. They’re scared of my eyes.” She started to cry again. Jingnu furrowed her brows.

“They’re wrong! Your eyes are pretty!”

Qi Yan stopped crying, she stared at Jingnu with shining round eyes.

“Qi Yan, I promise to be your friend no matter what! Pinky promise!” She held out her little pinky finger towards Qi Yan. The latter let out a genuine smile once she pinky swore with Jingnu. She finally had a friend.

Year 9

Jingnu was in the middle of doing math homework when she heard pebbles being thrown at her window. Glancing out the window, she saw her best friend grinning next to a blue bike. She dashed outside to greet Qi Yan.

“Qi Yan, is that a new bike? It’s so cool and it’s your favorite color!” Qi Yan nodded.

“My dad bought me the bike so we can get to the park faster! You can sit on the back.”

Qi Yan grabbed the helmets and gave one to Jingnu. She finished putting it on but saw her best friend struggling. “I’ll help you”, she secured the helmet around Jingnu’s head as the latter grinned at her. She didn’t have a missing tooth anymore. Jingnu’s mother walked out of the house and smiled at their interaction.

“Be safe, kids!” The two eight-year olds waved at her and slowly accelerated away.

Jingnu had her arms firmly around Qi Yan’s waist as they sped down the sidewalk. “Jingnu, hold on tight! We’re going down a hill!”, she yelled over the strong winds. Qi Yan accelerated too fast, she didn’t notice the tree branch sticking out of the fence.

“Qi Yan look out!”, Jingnu screamed, loudly.

Before she knew it, Qi Yan felt a stinging pain underneath her left eye. She got whipped by a tree branch, the pain was getting worse by the second plus she felt something dripping down her face. They came to a harsh stop as she pumped the brakes. Qi Yan tipped over in pain leaving Jingnu on the bike. The shorter girl was too worried about her best friend, she jumped off and pushed the bike down in the opposite direction. She saw Qi Yan clutching onto her left eye. Her heart was beating out of her chest.

“Qi Yan, is your eye okay?”, Jingnu asked, nervously.

Qi Yan tried to stay strong but the teardrops slipped past her eyes. “It hurts and I’m scared”, she sobbed.

Jingnu didn’t know how to help, she panicked and pulled Qi Yan up.

“Get on the bike. I’ll ride us back to mommy, she can help.” Jingnu wanted to cry once she saw blood but she knew she had to be calm for her best friend. They got back to the house in record time. Jingnu screamed for her mother’s help, she could no longer keep the tears in. Sniffles were heard from the two as Jingnu’s mother cleaned Qi Yan’s wound. She patted the ointment under Qi Yan’s eye and put a big band-aid over it. She knew there was going to be a scar but she didn’t want to scare Qi Yan much farther.

“Jingnu, I’m proud of you for staying calm and bringing Qi Yan back here. I’ll tell her mother later, don’t worry. The both of you go to the room to rest, okay?”

Jingnu held Qi Yan’s hand as they walked to the room. As they sat on the bed Jingnu quietly asked, “Are you okay?” Her eyes were still red.

“Mhm, I feel fine now.”, Qi Yan assured her.

“It only hurts a little bit.”

Jingnu’s eyes suddenly lit up. “I know what can make you feel better!”

“What is it?”, Qi Yan looked at Jingnu with curious eyes.

“A kiss!”, she exclaimed with joy on her face.

A blush started to form on Qi Yan’s face. She didn’t know how a kiss would help her feel better.

“Mommy always gives me a kiss when I get a booboo. It helps me feel better, maybe it will help you too.”

Qi Yan was stunned. Jingnu moved closer to her, Qi Yan felt shy and closed her eyes. She felt a soft peck underneath her left eye where her wound was. The thin line of her lips blossomed into a smile, she did feel better! Jingnu saw her smile and grinned.

“I told you! A kiss works!”

The blush on Qi Yan’s face turned into a deeper shade of red.

Year 12

“Freaky eyes! Freaky eyes!”, two boys taunted her.

Qi Yan clenched her fist, ready to defend herself. She had been belittled by adults and kids alike ever since she knew how to speak. The same words grated in her head over and over again. She unclenched her fist as tears welled up in her eyes, she didn’t have the courage anymore.

“Hey, freaky eyes! Aren’t you going to say something?” The pudgy leader poked at her and directed his brother to kick her. The tallest of the two landed a hard kick on Qi Yan’s shin. Qi Yan fell over as tears started to drip onto the cement. She rolled up into a protective position but couldn’t do much more to deflect the kicks. Qi Yan felt dizzy until she heard fast footsteps running towards her.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” The little girl’s high-pitched screaming was getting closer.

Qi Yan turned her head around to see Jingnu sprinting with a determined look on her face, she knew her best friend was ready to take the Lu brothers down. She also knew Jingnu would get hurt in the process. Qi Yan quickly got up as the brothers turned around to see what the commotion was. She wanted to run towards Jingnu to grab her hand and run the other way, but she underestimated the pain in her shin.

She tripped and screamed, “No, Jingnu! Go find an adult to help! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

Jingnu saw Qi Yan fall then she fell into a deeper haze of fury.

“How dare you hurt Qi Yan? Both of you will pay for this!”

Jingnu spread out her arms and tackled Lu Boyan to the ground. He didn’t expect for this little girl to actually hurt him, he started to cry from shock. Jingnu wasn’t free from hurt either, she felt her forehead knock on the ground. Jingnu had a stubborn streak she would never let them see that she was affected, so she got up and kicked Lu Boyan.

“Why are you crying? Weren’t you the one who hurt Qi Yan? It doesn’t feel nice, does it?”, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

She landed a few more kicks until his brother pulled her arms and swung her to the side.

“Get away from my brother, you stupid little girl!”

Jingnu really felt the pain this time. Big teardrops rained down her cheeks as she tried to get up. Everything happened so fast Qi Yan didn’t process it until she saw Lu Zhongxing violently throw Jingnu a few feet away from her. She saw red and the pain disappeared. Qi Yan ran towards Lu Zhongxing and jumped onto his back. He fell down near his brother as Qi Yan threw punches on his back, she turned his body around to make sure he would feel pain on his face too. Lu Zhongxing didn’t know what came over the girl on top of him, he couldn’t get out of her grip no matter how much he tried. He was petrified.

“How can you hurt a little girl, huh?”, she yelled in his face.

Lu Zhongxing was so scared, he felt his pants getting wet. Lu Boyan watched the fight with wide eyes, he cried even harder once he saw his brother pee his pants. Qi Yan continued to teach the Lu brothers a lesson until she heard Jingnu sniff behind her. She turned around and saw her best friend’s blotchy eyes, then she saw Jingnu tightly clutching onto her left arm. Qi Yan let go of Lu Zhongxing and sprinted back to Jingnu.

“Jingnu, are you okay?”

She inspected her arm to see if it was broken, she looked around the arm until she saw a scrape on the shorter girl’s elbow.

“Jingnu, you’re bleeding, but it will be okay. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Jingnu shook her head, she was more worried about Qi Yan’s injury. Jingnu sniffed one more time and asked, “Qi Yan, aren’t you hurt too?”

Her tears welled up again as she looked at Qi Yan’s leg. Qi Yan looked down, she forgot that she was hurt too. She didn’t feel the pain down there anymore, she was too worried about Jingnu. “It doesn’t hurt anymore”, she smiled to reassure her that she was okay.

Seeing that Jingnu still had a distressed look on her face, she gently embraced the girl into her arms.

“I’m fine I promise. From now on, I won’t let anyone hurt us.” She made a silent promise to never let the girl in her arms be hurt ever again. Jingnu tightened her arms around Qi Yan.

“I want to go home”, she muffled into Qi Yan’s shoulder.

Qi Yan let go of Jingnu and checked one more time to make sure the shorter girl was okay, then she interlocked their hands as they walked home. Qi Yan’s mom fussed over them but they reassured her that it was just an accident. She didn’t believe them but she let it go. The two sat at the kitchen table as they laughed over ice cream.

Jingnu waved her ice cream cone around, “Mint chocolate chip is the best ice cream!”

“No way! It tastes like toothpaste!”

Year 17

Qi Yan paced around her room. She couldn’t keep these feelings to herself much longer. The past three years were torturous. She was in love with her best friend, she knew it. They were graduating from high school soon. She had to confess to Jingnu. She didn’t want to live a life of regrets, a life of what-ifs. Qi Yan didn’t know if her best friend felt the same way but if their mutual glances of affection meant the same thing, she had a chance. She made up her mind. ‘Tonight, I’ll tell her I love her.’

On the other side of the city, a young woman was lying in the grass near a small lake. The sun’s rays shined on her as she got lost in her thoughts.

‘Qi Yan will be sad if she knew I went here without her.’

This was their secret place. They stumbled upon it on one of their adventures. She reminisced about the memories they created there. All the times they would eat snacks while doing their homework in the grass; the splashing around in the water; the hundreds of sunsets they witnessed together; and the quiet times where they would gaze at the stars all night. She let out a long sigh.

She sat up, wrapped her arms around her legs, and put her chin on her knees. She watched the cerulean water gently flow then she focused on the part of the lake where the sun’s rays reflected against the water causing a shining gleam. The bright light reminded her of Qi Yan’s unique eyes. She let out another sigh. Everything reminded her of Qi Yan these days.

“Keep it together, Jingnu”, she muttered to herself.

Jingnu didn’t know when it happened but Qi Yan consumed her thoughts daily. She would daydream about the taller girl in class. She prolonged every minute they spent together. Her mother would joke that they should just marry each other. Jingnu furiously shook her head out of protest but that didn’t hide the blush on her face. Jingnu knew that she loved Qi Yan, but was she in love with her? She thought of the way her fingers would tingle whenever Qi Yan interlocked their hands. She remembered the thunderous rhythm in her chest when Qi Yan gazed at her with those soft tender eyes. It felt so natural. She wanted Qi Yan to look at her that way forever. She suddenly had the urge to see Qi Yan, she wanted to hold her in her arms. Jingnu snapped out of her thoughts. She knew now.

“I’m in love with Qi Yan”, she quietly spoke to herself.

She repeated it again in a louder tone, “I’m in love with my best friend.”

It felt so right. She stood up with a soft smile and determined look on her face, then she raced to Qi Yan’s house.

Qi Yan was wired with nervous energy. Her attempts to rehearse her confession only resulted in crumpled sheets of paper around the trash bin. She wanted to appear confident in front of Jingnu, not a nervous wreck. She was in the middle of wiping the sweat off her forehead when she heard a knock on her door.

“Qi Yan, it’s me.”

Qi Yan felt her heart jump out of her chest. The girl she wanted to confess to was here and she wasn’t ready. She also found it odd that Jingnu knocked when she usually barged in. She was too nervous to analyze her best friend’s behavior.

“The door is unlocked.” She hoped Jingnu couldn’t hear the crack in her voice.

The shorter girl walked in. Qi Yan sucked in her breath. Jingnu’s hair was tied up into a messy bun with wisps of baby hair near her eyes. The rosy color on her cheeks only added to her natural beauty. The booming rhythm in her heart crescendo-ed.

Jingnu was ready to tell Qi Yan that she was in love with her but as she gazed at her best friend’s pale face, the want turned into worry. She treaded towards Qi Yan.

“What’s wrong? Are you sick? Are you hurt somewhere?”

Her protective nature won out, the confession forgotten. She reached up to touch Qi Yan’s forehead. Her temperature felt fine. She gently touched around her face, she didn’t realize this person would grow to be this tall. She avoided looking into Qi Yan’s eyes, it was too easy to get lost in them.

Qi Yan stood as straight as a ramrod, she tried to get her breathing back to normal as Jingnu inspected her. She still didn’t know what to say. Jingnu’s hands touching her didn’t help with the situation.

The shorter girl looked down at Qi Yan’s hands to see them tightly clenched together. She furrowed her brows. She grabbed the pair of hands and gently unclenched them, they felt cold and clammy. She meshed their hands together then looked into Qi Yan’s eyes.

“Qi Yan, what’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything.”

“I-,” Qi Yan stuttered then looked around the room to avoid the questioning eyes.

Jingnu had never seen her best friend act this way before. She followed Qi Yan’s eyes to see multiple sheets of paper crumpled on the floor. She knew Qi Yan had a habit of jotting down her thoughts and feelings so she let go of her hands to pick up the piece closest to her.

Qi Yan didn’t know what to do anymore, she simply accepted her fate. ‘I wish you feel the same way. If you don’t, I hope that we can still be friends.’

She watched the shorter girl anxiously. Jingnu opened the crumpled paper, the first and middle lines were crossed out so she couldn’t read it. She let out a gasp when she read the short line at the bottom. ‘I’m in love with you Jingnu.’

Qi Yan saw Jingnu’s wide eyes staring at her in shock.

“Is it true?”, she hastily questioned.

Qi Yan simply nodded. With resolute eyes, Qi Yan stared at the floor. ‘I can’t look at her. I don’t know what her reaction means.’

Jingnu could not believe it. She picked up the rest of the papers, all of them with crossed out content leaving only a few words exactly the same as the first one. ‘I’m in love with you, Jingnu.’ Jingnu couldn’t contain her joy. Her person felt the same way. She threw the papers down and looked at Qi Yan, whose head was down. Jingnu sensed an air of defeat around her best friend. She softly smiled. ‘You’ve always been like this, getting ahead of yourself.’

Slowly walking towards the taller girl, she asked, ”Qi Yan, please look at me.”

Seeing that she wouldn’t budge, Jingnu delicately lifted Qi Yan’s face to look at her. She held her face with her small hands tenderly. Qi Yan finally looked back into her eyes.

“Qi Yan, is there something you want to tell me?”

The sorrow in her eyes was overpowered by the love gazing back at her. She knew in her heart that Qi Yan loved her but she still wanted to hear it.

Qi Yan didn’t understand the intentions behind her question. Didn’t she read the notes? Did this mean she felt the same way? She cleared her throat, “I don’t understand.”

Jingnu couldn’t bear to listen to Qi Yan’s tortured voice much longer, she finally let out the smile she was hiding. She brushed Qi Yan’s hair out of her face and pulled her closer. She could hear her heartbeat. She brushed her knuckle down Qi Yan’s cheek. She softly traced the scar underneath her eye and murmured, “I’m in love with you, silly. You’re not alone in this and you never will be.”

Qi Yan couldn’t hide her astonishment.

‘She feels the same way! Jingnu loves me!’

Qi Yan wrapped her arms around Jingnu’s waist and pulled her in a tight embrace. The latter shifted her hands to wrap her arms around Qi Yan’s neck. Their faces were only centimeters apart.

“Aren’t you going to tell me?”, Jingnu whispered.

Qi Yan chuckled lightly. “Nangong Jingnu, I am hopelessly in love with you.”

Jingnu beamed, the stars couldn’t compare to the twinkle in her eyes. She didn’t want to waste another moment, she tugged Qi Yan towards her as they met in a chaste kiss. A soft, sweet kiss that they would cherish for the rest of their lives.

Qi Yan wanted this moment to last forever, she shifted her lips to give her lover a deeper kiss. She felt Jingnu melt into her. They kissed for minutes until they slowly let go. Jingnu let out a shy giggle while Qi Yan felt bashful.

The taller girl led the shorter girl to her bed. She held her on her chest. They talked about their feelings until they fell asleep.

Their relationship elevated after the mutual confessions. They spent most of their days together at their secret place engaged in heavy make out sessions. There was a brief period of turbulence in their relationship as college acceptance letters arrived, but that dissipated when they both got accepted into the same prestigious university. They moved into a small apartment a few hours away from their hometown.

They were eighteen now.

That night as they settled into their new place, Jingnu pondered over their future.

“Qi Yan, what do you think will happen to us in ten years?”

The answer came out quickly and confidently.

“We will still be together.” She added a thought to herself, ‘And hopefully you will be my wife.’

Jingnu agreed and grinned, “I will never leave your side.”

Qi Yan pulled her lover into her embrace and gave her a soft peck on the lips. “I know. Sweet dreams, my love.”

Year 28

She was late for dinner. The raven-haired driver zipped down the highway, she missed her lover dearly. She let out a relieved sigh when saw the lights on in their apartment. It was bigger than their old college apartment and closer to their workplaces. She parked the car and grabbed her leather jacket. She sped to the apartment door, she was in the process of unlocking it when the door opened from the other side.

“Welcome home, baby.” A warm smile greeted her.

They hugged in the middle of the doorway.

“Jingnu, I-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself.” They let go of each other. Jingnu grabbed the leather jacket out of Qi Yan’s hands to hang it up.

“Judging by the look on your face, you had a long day.” Qi Yan simply nodded. Even after all these years, she was amazed that this person knew her so well.

She followed Jingnu to the dinner table, she noticed that her lover’s medium-length hair was still wet from a shower. She sighed, she really needed one too. Jingnu turned around to look at her.

“Why don’t you take a hot shower while I heat up the food?”

Qi Yan beamed. She loved this person so much.

“I’ll be quick”, she said.

She was already halfway towards the bathroom but she traced back to Jingnu. She kissed Jingnu on the forehead and looked into her eyes.

“I love you.” The latter blushed. It seemed like Qi Yan got more romantic over the years. She didn’t complain though, she loved it.

As soon as she placed the food on the table, Qi Yan walked out of the bathroom. Her hair was damp, with some strands sticking to her neck. Jingnu thought she looked incredibly attractive.

Qi Yan walked towards the dinner table to see all of her favorite food. She was touched. She was grateful to have Jingnu in her life.

Their dinner was filled with tender moments. They fed each other and put food on each other’s plates. They openly gazed at each other with soft smiles. ‘Something feels different tonight’, they both thought to themselves.

They playfully washed the dishes together then settled on the couch to watch a movie. Qi Yan had her arm around her lover’s shoulder as they laughed at the screen. Midway through the movie, Qi Yan heard light snoring. She looked down at the girl sleeping on her chest and smiled. Seeing how tightly Jingnu’s arms held her waist, she smiled even wider.

“You’re like a cute koala bear, always clinging onto me.”

She shifted Jingnu’s body to carry her bridal style. She kissed her on the forehead after she tucked her in bed. Qi Yan tidied up the place before she went back to the bedroom. Qi Yan had just put the covers over her when she felt arms around her body and a head resting on her chest. Qi Yan smirked then she let out a content sigh. ‘As long as I have Jingnu, I’m happy.’ She drifted off to sleep.

Jingnu was sure she was caught in a nightmare. She stood by the side as she saw a replica of her sprint towards a room. She watched as the woman weeped in front of a man. The man looked pale as he lay on the bed, she assumed that he was gone from this world. She wanted to get a closer look but the dream morphed, she was stuck observing this version of herself watching over her husband. Jingnu noticed that the woman got thinner as the days went by. She felt the grief and the pain like it happened to herself. She couldn’t bear the pain anymore so she ran towards the foot of the bed, determined to get out of this nightmare. Jingnu gasped out loud when she caught sight of blood dripping out of her dream version’s eyes. She was hauntingly beautiful. Jingnu calmly collected herself as she slowly turned her head to look at the husband. She screamed in horror and collapsed on the floor. He looked exactly like her Qi Yan! She steadily got back up to look at the husband again. She inspected every inch of his face. This was her Qi Yan, they even had similar scars underneath their eyes to match it. She sobbed.

“Qi Yan, no!”

She fell down again, she shuffled backwards until her back lay against the wall then she wailed, “Qi Yan, I’m scared.”

It was half past midnight when Qi Yan felt movement against her. Hearing her lover’s whimpers, she opened her eyes and turned on the light.

Jingnu clenched the blankets until her knuckles turned white, she tossed her head around as she murmured in sleep.

Qi Yan saw tears leaking out of her closed eyes, she panicked and pulled Jingnu closer to her.

“Jingnu, wake up.”

She couldn’t hear her. Qi Yan heard Jingnu call out her name three times. She gently shook her.

“Baby, please wake up. I’m right here.”

Jingnu still didn’t wake up, her face gradually became more distressed. Qi Yan had no choice but to shout, “Jingnu, wake up!”

The girl in her embrace snapped her eyes wide open and looked at Qi Yan. She sobbed into Qi Yan’s chest and held her in a bone-crushing hug.

“Qi Yan, y-you died.” She stuttered and hiccuped.

“Qi Yan, I was so scared. You were just lying there. So quiet and so cold,” she bawled.

“Qi Yan, you can’t leave me!”

“Baby you have to breathe, okay? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere I promise.”

Qi Yan didn’t know what her lover’s nightmare consisted of, but she knew she had to reassure her. She rubbed Jingnu’s back and gave her words of assurance. An hour passed by, she felt her calm down but the latter was still firmly holding onto Qi Yan. She was afraid to let go.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Qi Yan desperately wanted to help.

Jingnu pushed herself back then she shifted her arms so she could hold Qi Yan’s face in her hands. She cleared her throat and spoke in a coarse voice. “I was trapped in a nightmare. I was in an old, historical setting. Apparently, I was the first female emperor in that time period. Sounds badass, huh?”

She tried to lighten the mood but Qi Yan saw through it. She didn’t say a single word but her eyes encouraged Jingnu to continue. Jingnu sighed as she proceeded, “Someone delivered bad news to me- I mean, the female emperor. I didn’t know what it was until I saw her break down in front of her dead husband. Her husband who looked exactly like you.”

The frightened look returned to Jingnu’s face.

“She was howling with pain. Her grief intensified as the days went by. I felt everything she felt. I wanted so badly to escape but I was trapped.”

Qi Yan drew Jingnu closer to her.

“I figured the only way out was to confront whatever was in front of me. I didn’t expect to see blood raining down her eyes, or to see her husband look like an exact replica of you.” Jingnu started to sob again. She really thought that she had lost Qi Yan forever.

Qi Yan couldn’t bear to see the love of her life in this state of agony. She kissed Jingnu’s hands, held them near her heart, then she kissed every inch of Jingnu’s face.

“I’m right here, my love. I will always be here right by your side.”

Jingnu felt slightly better but she was still too scared. It felt too real.

“Qi Yan, it felt like the emperor and I were one and the same. How did I understand her perfectly when I’ve never even experienced the same things she had?”

Qi Yan remained silent as Jingnu expressed her thoughts.

“The death of her husband completely destroyed her, but what she felt after that was worse. The loneliness shattered her heart. It killed her spirit. She wasn’t living anymore. I felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. She may have been the most powerful being but she was still living in a man’s world. She was grappled by responsibilities and the limitations set upon her.”

Qi Yan watched as Jingnu spoke passionately with shining eyes. She admired her lover’s compassion and intelligence.

Qi Yan let Jingnu cry a little bit more before she asked, “Are you feeling better now?”

Jingnu nodded. “Thank you for listening.”

She traced Qi Yan’s scar, it was barely visible now. She kissed it carefully then she kissed Qi Yan’s soft lips to reassure herself that she was really there. She buried her face into Qi Yan’s neck.

“I love you so much”, she murmured.

She thought about the dream once more.

“What if it’s our past life? No, I don’t want to think about it.” Jingnu was confused, she couldn’t deny the pain she felt through her dream self.

“Qi Yan hold me tighter.” The taller girl tightened her arms around Jingnu.

“Don’t worry, it was just a bad dream.”

“I know but it felt so real.” Jingnu felt something profound rise beneath the surface. She felt the deep need to tell her how much she loved her.

“Qi Yan, I love you. I will-“

“Hm?” Qi Yan wondered why Jingnu stopped.

Jingnu suddenly recalled something her dream self said. She looked up into Qi Yan’s eyes and gently held her face, “I will hold up the sky for you. Qi Yan, I would hold up the sky for you if I could.”

Qi Yan didn’t know why but those words resonated deep inside her heart. She pulled Jingnu close and kissed her on the forehead.

“You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. This heart of mine can’t keep anyone else in this life and this world.”

Qi Yan didn’t know where those words came from but Jingnu softly wept in her arms.

“Baby, don’t cry.” Qi Yan thought about the intense love she felt for this woman tightly clinging onto her. She thought about all of the precious memories they made together; she realized this was it, this was the moment she was waiting for.

“Jingnu, wait here.”

Qi Yan slowly got out of her lover’s embrace and paced to the dresser. She dug all of her clothes out until she saw the little box on the bottom. She smiled to herself and muttered under her breath, “It’s finally time.”

On the other side of the room, Jingnu wiped her eyes and slowly sat up. She wondered what Qi Yan was up to until the latter turned around with a nervous smile and a little box in her hand. Jingnu gasped. Tears welled up in her eyes once again. She held her breath as Qi Yan sat down next to her.

Qi Yan held Jingnu’s hands and deeply gazed into her eyes to ask her the most important question of her life.

“Jingnu, everyday for twenty-two years, we have never left each other’s side. I remember the little girl with the cute buns on her head and the missing tooth promising to be my friend no matter what.”

Jingnu lightly shoved Qi Yan’s hands away for teasing her but she smiled, the glimmer in her eyes told a different story.

Qi Yan smiled then continued, “I never told you how significant that moment was to me. I didn’t feel alone in this world anymore. I finally had someone who accepted me. Someone who stuck by my side.”

Jingnu watched as a teardrop slid down Qi Yan’s eye.

“Jingnu, I feel as if I have loved you since I was six.”

Overwhelmed with emotions, Jingnu pressed their foreheads together.

“Qi Yan, didn’t I tell you that you would never be alone in this? From the moment I met you, I knew you would be my favorite person, always.”

Qi Yan grinned from ear to ear. She exhaled. “We have been through so much together. Calling you my girlfriend never did our relationship any justice. You are more than that, to me.” She looked down at the little box next to her, she let go of her Jingnu’s hands to grab it.

Jingnu observed with anticipation, she gasped when she saw the ring. It was a small metal band with a sparkling pink diamond in the middle of it. She recalled a memory.

“Qi Yan! Look how pretty that is!” They were walking down the mall when Jingnu stopped in front of a jewelry store. She pressed on the window and pointed at a small diamond ring. “Qi Yan, I want a ring like that but in pink!” She blushed when she realized her intentions behind that statement. Qi Yan chuckled at her girlfriend’s flustered face. “I will buy you a beautiful ring one day.” Jingnu’s blush turned into a deeper shade of red. “Okay,” she shyly murmured.

‘She remembered!’ Jingnu was deeply touched.

Pleased with the reaction, Qi Yan held Jingnu’s hand while the ring rested in her other hand. She took a deep breath as she gazed into her lover’s eyes.

“Nangong Jingnu, will you marry me?”

Jingnu had already said yes a thousand times in her head. She bobbed her head up and down.

“Yes, I will marry you!”

She pounced into Qi Yan’s arms and sobbed into her chest. She felt like she was on top of the world.

Qi Yan chuckled lightly. “Baby, wait. I didn’t even put the ring on your finger yet.”

Jingnu pushed Qi Yan back, sat up, and wiped her tears.

Qi Yan grasped Jingnu’s right hand and slowly slid the ring onto her finger, then she pulled her hand to her lips and gently kissed her.

Jingnu couldn’t wait anymore. With urgent fervor, she passionately kissed Qi Yan. She was consumed by the smell of Qi Yan all over her. After their lips separated they simply stared at each other, eyes twinkling. Jingnu spoke first.

“I can’t wait to tell mom about this.”

“She wouldn’t be surprised”, Qi Yan smirked.

She brushed Jingnu’s hair with her fingers. “I asked for your parent’s blessing.”

Jingnu smiled fondly at her person. The soft smile gradually morphed into an alluring smile. Her eyes reflected need and want.

Qi Yan knew what that look meant.

They met in a long kiss.

That night two lovers shared a passionate, intimate night. Light peeked through the windows by the time they fell asleep. Qi Yan slept lightly until she heard the girl in her arms murmur, “I love you.”

Qi Yan smiled and held Jingnu tightly in her arms.

“And I love you.” She kissed her on the forehead then drifted off to sleep once more.