Work Text:
“I think part of the issue is that your hands are too soft.” Banri calls out to Sakuya.
He’s of course not referring to Sakuya’s actual physical hands. Banri hasn’t held them before, so he doesn’t know what they feel like. But from his observations, despite their small size, Sakuya’s hands were rather worn out and rough.
Those same small hands that always reached out and offered to help others. They were always seen carrying things for the different occupants of the mansion, busying themselves with different tasks and generally always full of something or another. It was that selfless nature typical of southern wizards, physically manifesting itself in the form of calluses on Sakuya’s hands.
The type to heal instead of hurt. To gently hold onto rather than fiercely grip like Banri’s own. They’re too soft, too clean to do anything like harm others.
And yet, Sakuya appeared before Banri one day asking out of the blue to teach him powerful attack magic.
Going along with his request, the two of them were currently out in the courtyard of the Sage’s Mansion, holding another training session in the middle of the night. The area was surrounded and lit up with crystals that Banri had infused with his magic. They had settled to sit at the edge of the fountain together, the sound of water gently falling at their backs as they took a moment to breathe.
During their first night of training, Sakuya had commented on how enchanting the mansion’s courtyard looked under the night sky. But Banri couldn’t see it, or rather he couldn’t see anything due to his bizarre injury. Because of his wound caused by the last fight with the Great Calamity, he was unable to see anything under the moonlight. It was a pain in the ass needing to provide his own light source if he wanted to navigate the night, but he’d rather take this than some of the bizarre injuries that others had gotten.
Sakuya, by his side, turned to look at Banri hearing his words. His head swiveled back and forth, looking between his hands and Banri’s gaze. He tilted his head sideways indicating his confusion, as if he couldn’t see what he meant.
“Um, I’m not quite sure what you mean by that Banri,” Sakuya asks as much.
Banri doesn’t bother to elaborate his musings any further though. Instead, he just lifts his own gloved hand and ruffles the top of Sakuya’s head, muttering a quiet “don’t sweat it.” The smaller wizard was still very obviously confused, but he just accepts it as is.
Banri’s hand slowly slips off his head, falling back to his side. They’re silent again, basking in the peace of the night. Sakuya was easy enough to talk to, a conversationalist that he could spend countless times with. But Banri enjoys these quiet moments in the dim light of his magic too.
Sakuya turns back to stare up at the moon, while Banri watches Sakuya from the corner of his eye. The soft light emitted from the surrounding crystals casted his face in a gentle blue.
Under the sun, Sakuya was radiant. His face always held a bright smile, and the light always found its way to directly shine down on him, brightening everything around him. Somehow Sakuya managed to embody the warmth the South was known for, completely different from the frigid and cold winds of the North Banri had only ever lived with.
But this was the only time Banri would get to see this side of Sakuya. More mellow, more gentle, rather than full-bodied energy he always seemed to have. That warm quality of his never left, but rather than being akin to the sun, it was like that of a blue flame held within a night light.
Banri wonders if he looked any different under the moonlight.
A moment’s breath passes between them once more. Banri cuts the silence.
“Hey Sakuya,” he starts off, “why did you want to learn attack magic so badly in the first place?”
It was a question that he held in the back of his mind for a while now. Banri accepted the southern wizard’s request on a whim, but thinking back on it, none of it made sense.
In the first place, Sakuya’s specialty magic was healing. The person in question said as much when they first started these private training sessions. Sakuya told Banri he had never harmed a single thing beforehand. It was too ridiculous to believe that Banri teased him endlessly for it. But when Sakuya had first cast a fire spell on a patch of flowers, the remorse on his face was so guilt-ridden that the northern wizard couldn’t bring himself to continue making fun of him.
He had a bleeding heart. Life surrounded Sakuya, and in turn Sakuya gave back to those around him. No matter if it was a plant or animal. A human, or a wizard. He treated all of them with care. Sakuya’s selfless nature was so inherently different from the prideful and arrogant wizards of the North that Banri couldn’t understand him unless he faced him like this.
Sakuya blinks once, twice, before breaking eye contact and looking away. His gaze is cast downwards to the ground. In Sakuya’s hands was his magical tool, a small filled cloth pouch, no larger than the size of his palms. The southern wizard fiddles with it as he ruminates on how to answer the question. The slight jingle of whatever was in his pouch becoming the only source of noise as another silence falls between them.
After a moment of eternity, or maybe only a few seconds passing, Sakuya replies back. “Do you remember on the last mission together between the North and the South, when that calamity attacked us and separated everyone?”
“Ah, yeah I do.” Banri nods along, though he knows Sakuya can’t see him do so.
“I was relieved when we managed to find each other. Especially since we were the first to find the calamity’s real body. I wouldn’t have known what to do except wait for others.”
Sakuya’s words steadily get shakier. His tone became lower and his volume quieted down to a whisper, as if it was hard to get the words out in the first place.
“But, in the short time when I was alone, I saw the reflections of all the others in the forest’s mist, fighting with the calamity. I know I was lucky enough to not have encountered any monsters on the way. But, it felt so, so frustrating to watch as the others fought with their all, and yet not being able to do a single thing to help.”
For the first time since they met, Sakuya vented his feelings to him. Banri knew that the other wasn’t always positive and energetic. It would have been impossible for him as a living being, especially as a wizard, to not experience other ranges of emotions. And yet, when he was with others, a smile was almost always found on his face.
Sakuya was always good at hiding such negative feelings in the face of others. Burying his insecurities, his fears, his loneliness. All of it to keep that easy face. That was one trait the two of them managed to share.
Banri lifted his arm to wrap around Sakuya’s shoulder. Whether out of sympathy, comfort, or something else, he didn’t know. But he held onto him firmly as those small hunched over shoulders began to tremble the slightest bit.
“It’s difficult feeling helpless. To see those I love get hurt and yet be too powerless to aid them. But, you know what the worst of it is?”
It was at this moment that Sakuya lifted his gaze to look straight up at the northern wizard. At this close of a distance, Banri could see the wrinkles of his skin in his furrowed eyebrows. The thin white line of his mouth as his lips pursed. The droplets of tears forming in the corner of his shining eyes, threatening to spill at a moment’s notice.
Ah, he’s beautiful. Banri thought to himself, taking in the sight of a Sakuya who opened his heart and showed him an ugly face he refused to reveal to most others.
“The worst of it,” Sakuya’s voice quietly wavered, ”was when you were within my reach as we fought the calamity together, and I was still too powerless to do anything. I couldn’t stand by your side and help you fight. I would have just been a burden. And if something did happen to me and I couldn’t protect myself from it, then I wouldn’t have even been able to heal you if you did get injured.”
Sakuya’s fists are clenched tight white in his lap. The fabric of his magic tool crumpled in the hands of his right.
“So all I could do was stand useless to the side, watching your lone back fight against the calamity. And if the worst case ever happened and something did happen to you, then I would have truly been left alone.”
The tears that gathered in his cherry-coloured eyes overflow and spill onto his red face. But Sakuya remains completely still, not even bothering to wipe them away. Banri’s not even sure he can hear him breathe.
Sakuya was still looking at Banri, but perhaps it was more accurate to say that he was looking beyond him. Those red eyes held a distant look as those same feelings of helplessness washed over him. He likely couldn’t even register Banri’s presence anymore.
Banri could tell that there was something beyond those feelings of powerlessness he vented. An underlying hint of fear and ever present loneliness tinged Sakuya’s expression. A sight he was all too familiar seeing in everyone in the North.
Banri couldn't even begin to understand all the issues that plagued the gentle southern wizard. He thought that Sakuya lived a rather worry-free life because everyone in the South looked out for each other. But Banri was proven wrong as Sakuya’s fragile frame shook right before him in his arms.
Slowly, so as not to startle the too tense figure before him, Banri moves one of his hands to reach out and grab the other. His hand is large enough to hold both of Sakuya’s in his own. He carefully unfurls them both so they were no longer clenching.
With a gentleness he never knew he had, Banri’s right hand holds onto Sakuya’s left. Banri’s palms were covered in gloves, so he can’t feel it directly, but with the exposed ends of his fingers he can at least feel the heat of the other’s skin.
“Hey,” he calls out to the other, “I’m right here.” He squeezes the other’s hand to show as much.
A breathless ah releases from Sakuya’s mouth. His face relaxes somewhat, and while he’s still facing Banri directly, Sakuya’s eyes drift downward to avoid looking straight back into his sharp sapphire gaze staring right at him.
“Yeah, you are.”
They’re like that for a moment more. The tears still silently falling from his face, but he doesn’t look as troubled as before. Sakuya shifts a bit and moves his face to fall onto Banri’s shoulder. The arm that was holding Sakuya’s upper frame slid down to hold his lower back. Their hands are still intertwined, settling in the both of their laps. It’s not the most comfortable position, but there’s no way Banri was letting him go now.
Still though, curiosity lingered in his brain. One more piece of knowledge he needed to solve the puzzle. It wouldn’t give him the big picture, but it would be enough for him now.
“Sakuya,” Banri’s voice calls out to him once more, “was there any reason why nobody ever taught you attack magic before?”
Sakuya shifts a bit so that his face is no longer buried in the crook of Banri’s neck. Banri misses the warmth a bit, but the other wizard doesn’t move to untangle their hands at least.
“Well, it’s because of my teacher.” He speaks in a quiet tone, likely drained from venting his feelings to somebody else for once.
“Teacher? Do you mean Tsumugi? I thought he’d be the type willing to teach you some defense since he is northern-born after all.”
Sakuya shakes his head. Using his free hand, the smaller wizard wipes any remnants of tears from his face before continuing to speak. They leave behind red rimmed eyes and big splotchy streak marks that make his already naturally pink face appear even more so.
“I owe a lot to mister Tsumugi too, but my teacher is the person who’s raised and taken care of me since I was young. He said that he hated seeing children fight and end up hurt, so he always taught me how to heal first.”
Banri gives a noncommittal hm in acknowledgment of Sakuya’s word. His teacher, huh? This is the first time Sakuya has ever mentioned him, and yet he managed to play such an important role in his life. Banri stores this piece of info into the vaults of his mind for later. For now though, he’ll just fill in the gaps and teach Sakuya himself.
Sakuya glances up at Banri, as if he has something to ask himself. “Hey Banri. Is it okay if we stop here for the night?”
“Ah, yeah that’d probably be for the best.”
The mind makes up the magic, and after Sakuya’s minor confession he’s probably more emotionally tired than he physically shows. If Banri strained him any further, he’d have four other southern wizards and probably the Sage too banging on his door.
Sakuya takes a small moment to quietly swallow any nerves, before asking a follow-up question. “Can you… still stay with me though? At least for a bit longer.”
The weight in Banri’s right hand is solid, warm. Sakuya’s fingers are calloused like he expected them to be, but there’s a certain tenderness to them too. He squeezes his hand in reaffirmation.
“As long as you need me to be.”