Archive of Our Own ^beta

before

“Congratulations on finally being appointed as the CEO.” Sehun says in greeting to his older brother who heavily plops himself on the sofa bed inside their living room with a tired groan.

“I didn’t know you were already back from Italy,” the older said with a contented sigh after finding a comfortable position to lie on. “I thought,” a yawn, “you’d be back next week.”

Sehun whistles lowly, perplexed at how exhausted the older looked at that moment.

“Rough day?” Sehun asked, sitting beside the smaller male, his hands immediately started carding through his dark brown locks. Baekhyun nodded once before closing his eyes in tiredness.

Byun Baekhyun had always been a meticulous and determined person, always had that strong-willed streak in him ever since he was young up until he reached high school and university, and he was always the overachiever—once he had set his goal onto something, he would give his all until he achieves it— but he had never compromised his share of fun in the process of his learning and hard work nor did he use dirty tricks to gain whatever he wanted.

He was no sore loser but was rather a good sport, or at least he always tries to be. He would accept his mistakes and made sure to use them as a learning experience and a stepping stone to do better next time.

So, it was no surprise to anyone when he was appointed as CEO at the young age of 25 only a week ago, while his younger brother - Sehun - was in Italy for a business deal with their Italian investors. The younger knew that his brother was given a bigger responsibility by their father—Byun Corporation’s current chairman— thus adding additional workload on his older sibling.

And Sehun could see how the other was overworking himself by simply observing the dark bags under his eyes, his cheeks lacked its usual chubbiness and the younger was sure that his brother lost some weight in the last two weeks that he was gone.

“You’re overworking again,” Sehun frowns at this, “Tell me, when was the last time you’ve gone out to unwind, hm?”

Baekhyun merely hummed in response, content with the way Sehun’s fingers combed through his hair, making his tired body lax and calm. And when Sehun realized he wasn’t getting any answers from the smaller, he quickly retrieved his hand, causing the other to whine loudly.

“Se, I’m tired!” Baekhyun whined softly again, “Please, just let me rest.”

But his brother had other plans, with the way Sehun’s eyes had lit up mischievously, Baekhyun was sure.

“No, you get up.”

Baekhyun slowly sat upright on the sofa with a mix of confusion, annoyance, and disbelief marring his pretty face. “What?”

“I said get up,” Sehun said seriously as he tugged at his brother’s hand, forcing him to stand up. The small male barely had time to balance himself on his feet but Sehun was already pulling him up the staircase of their mansion, “It’s Saturday tomorrow so you’re coming with me.”

“What? Where are we going?” Baekhyun fumbles behind his brother, walking as quickly as he can to catch up with Sehun’s long strides.

“You’re coming with me.” Sehun announced as he pushes Baekhyun inside his walk-in closet, already going through his brother’s clothes with a frown, “Hyung, I know you’re a dedicated person to his work and a filial son to our parents that you have no time for yourself and to socialize…”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows at his brother’s scrutinizing tone.

“But why in God’s name is your closet filled with mostly corporate attires and hoodies?”

“You know I prefer staying indoors,” Baekhyun retorts with no bite, too tired to bother with Sehun’s words as he merely shrugged at his brother’s disapproving expression, “I’m not a fan of going out, you know this.”

Sehun rolled his eyes and continued to look through his brother’s things. Thankfully, he saw a black leather jacket, a pair of ripped denim jeans and a white shirt amongst them which he quickly grabbed and handed over to the older.

“Wear those,” the taller commanded, Baekhyun made a face of disbelief as he stared down at the garments that were thrusted into his arms, “Go on, now.”

“Sehun…” Baekhyun let out an exasperated groan, to which the younger only tsked at, before proceeding to forcefully push him inside the closet.

“Hurry and change,” Sehun yells over the closet door that he had just closed, “I’ll wait for you downstairs. And don’t forget to put on some eyeliner!”

A muffled “Yeah, whatever” was what Sehun heard before going out of the room.

A few moments later, Baekhyun came down wearing the clothes Sehun had chosen for him. He decided to wear his favorite combat boots to go with the outfit and even decided to put on some light make-up on his face. When Sehun looked up and saw him going down the stairs, he smiled widely at his brother.

“You look good, Hyung!” Sehun said, giving him two thumbs up, “So, are you ready to relax and enjoy yourself?”

Baekhyun opened his mouth to give a snarky retort but was cut off when Sehun eagerly pulled his older brother towards the door of his car that was already waiting outside their front door, not bothering for whatever Baekhyun had to say and the smaller could only sigh in defeat as he sat in the passenger’s seat of Sehun’s Audi.

˟˟˟

Baekhyun was led inside an expensive looking club called Club Elyxion through the VIP section by Sehun. The place was apparently owned by one of Sehun’s closest friends who Baekhyun had only met a handful of times. The club was not too dark and dingy like most places Baekhyun had went partying before, and the multicolored lights did not hurt his eyes like they usually did every time he entered a club. The ambiance almost held a calming and chill feel to it despite the crowd on the dance floor and the number of people waiting at the bar.

Baekhyun followed his brother up the second floor and was met by some familiar faces as they entered a VIP room on the balcony of the club.

“Baekhyunnie?” Jongdae’s eyes widened even more as he saw his friend walking inside the room, his kittenish lips turned upwards in happy surprise as he stood to greet him, “Is that really you?”

The Kims were a family friend of the Byuns, and thus Jongdae grew up with Baekhyun and Sehun in their childhood. Jongdae was currently working in the Byun’s company as head of the Human Resource Department and he knew what a homebody and workaholic his friend was, so it was a nice surprise seeing the oldest of the three going out of his house and allowing himself a break from work.

Baekhyun offered a sheepish smile before hugging his friend, “Yeah, yeah. It’s me.”

Baekhyun turned his attention to the two other men sitting at the table who Sehun quickly introduced to Baekhyun.

“Hyung, you remember Minseok Hyung, right?” Sehun points to the man with glowing milky skin and an adorable smile with eyes that remind Baekhyun of a cat, “He owns the place.”

“Hello,” Baekhyun shook his hand with a warm smile, “Junmyeon’s cousin, right?”

Junmyeon was Baekhyun’s best friend who he met at university and was working at their family’s company. It was pure coincidence that his cousin was friends with Baekhyun’s little brother.

“Yep, that’s me.” Minseok nods with a warm smile, “Good to see you again, Baekhyun.”

“Likewise.”

“And this is Wu Yifan, but we call him Kris Hyung.” Sehun points to a tall blonde man with a gummy smile.

“Hello,” Baekhyun greets him with a handshake before sitting down beside Jongdae, “This is the first time I’m seeing you, though?”

“We became friends recently.” Kris nodded his head towards Sehun’s direction who was lounging beside Minseok, “Sehunnie and I met through Yeol.”

“Yeol?” Baekhyun asked in confusion. He was not familiar with the name and being the overprotective older brother that he is, Baekhyun knew most Sehun’s friends, even if it was just by name.

“He means Chanyeol Hyung,” Sehun said, looking around suddenly, “Oh, speaking of which, where is he?”

Ah, Baekhyun thought. He meant Chanyeol.

Park Chanyeol was an enigma to Baekhyun. He had heard about him countless of times from Sehun whenever he talked about his nightly adventures, but the two never had the chance to meet in person, and so the small male never knew what this Park Chanyeol looks like.

Just then, a sudden beat dropped, followed by a smooth rap from a deep voice coming from the DJ’s booth that was placed on a platform in front of the dance floor. Baekhyun could see how everyone was influenced by the man’s voice and his rapping as if they were intoxicated, how the people were hung up on his every word, completely absorbed.

Baekhyun saw a tall man wearing a snapback on the platform, his face hidden from where Baekhyun was sitting and he was craning his neck to see where the husky voice was coming from.

“Oh, there he is.” Sehun said like it was nothing.

“What?” Baekhyun’s head snaps towards his brother, tilting slightly on confusion, “Who?”

“He’s talking about Chanyeol,” Jongdae said after sipping from his drink, pointing at the man rapping below, “That’s Yeol right there.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened at that. “Wait, you know him, too?”

Jongdae raised a single brow at his direction and he was looking at him like he just grew another head.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Baekhyun asked, almost defensive.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae stared at him in the eye, “that’s Park Chanyeol, as in the COO Park Chanyeol of Park Conglomerate.”

Baekhyun’s jaw dropped.

“What!?”

˟˟˟

Baekhyun decided to go down to the bar to grab a drink. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that the COO was a DJ who also happens to rap. He met the man a few times and he always had a smile on his face – he was kind and thoughtful as what Baekhyun heard from his employees and colleagues.

But the idea of the sweet smiling man rapping? Baekhyun couldn’t fathom.

Deep in thought, he barely noticed the man he’s currently thinking about, approaching him from behind, a curious glint shining in his eyes as he eyed the beautiful man sitting alone in the bar.

“Hey, there.” A deep voice startled Baekhyun, making him turn towards the voice immediately and almost knocking the drink in his hand in the process.

“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Baekhyun said as his eyes widened even more when he realized who called him, “Park Chanyeol!?”

The taller chuckled at how cute his business partner looked, red cheeked and flustered. Baekhyun and him have seen each other and know of the other but they have never actually interacted for long, they have merely shared a few meetings that didn’t require them to talk much. But Chanyeol always noticed him, always observed the short male who held a smile that would put the sun to shame.

Byun Corporation had a recent partnership with Park Conglomerate, that’s where Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol a handful of times but the smaller never realized he was the same man who was friends with his younger brother all this time.

But what had surprised Baekhyun that night was how beautiful the taller’s voice was when he had sang a verse in between his rap.

“The one and only,” the tall COO gave him a cheeky grin, showing off his dimple, “This is the first time I’ve seen you here.”

“Oh, my brother forced me to come. Practically shoved me out of the house,” Baekhyun laughed shyly, cheeks a pretty shade of pink, “I’m a homebody, I’d rather play games and sleep in my bed.”

Chanyeol laughed quietly as he observed Baekhyun for a few minutes before he decided to just fuck it and grabbed Baekhyun’s hands, making him stand. He pulled the shorter male towards the dance floor filled with intoxicated individuals.

“Well, since you’re already here inside the club,” Chanyeol stopped them somewhere amongst the throng of people dancing around, the COO placed his hand on Baekhyun’s hip, gently pulling him closer towards himself, “Why not make the most out of it and dance with me, yeah?”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he hesitated and Chanyeol could easily see, so he tugged the smaller towards him, clutching his hips with both his hands, pulling him closer to himself, looking into Baekhyun’s eyes that seemed to shine under the blaring multicolored lights.

He had never seen eyes that shone like that.

“You have the stars in your eyes,” Chanyeol whispered as they continued to stare at each other, his voice was soft and sincere. It made Baekhyun smile. “Dance with me, Starlight.”

present

Baekhyun double checked all the papers in front of him, ever since his family’s company had officially merged with the Park’s three years ago, just after his marriage with Chanyeol, Baekhyun found himself getting busier than before.

“Excuse me, Sir?” Yerim’s voice was heard through the intercom, making Baekhyun stop whatever he was doing at that moment, “Mr. Park Chanyeol is on the line and he wants to speak to you.”

Baekhyun frowned at that and immediately opened the drawer to his right and sure enough, he saw three messages and five missed calls from the same man his secretary was talking about. Baekhyun had forgotten he had his phone on mute again, and so he sighs.

“Why didn’t you just let him through, Yerim?” Baekhyun asked but there was no accusation in his voice. He sounded flat and just a little curious.

“You were busy and you said you weren’t taking any calls.” A beat of silence. “I asked you beforehand if ever your hus-”

“It’s fine.” Baekhyun cuts off immediately, “Let him through, please.”

A short static was heard before Baekhyun heard a deep voice resonating inside his small office.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol said the moment his call was transferred, his baritone held a tone of curiosity mixed with worry, “You weren’t answering your phone, love.”

Baekhyun bit his lower lip as it trembled like it always did every time he heard Chanyeol speak to him so sweetly, like this. The gruffness of his voice was always so in contrast with the softness that his heart was made of.

It made Baekhyun’s heart constrict every time he heard it.

“I’m sorry, Yeol.” The CEO answered his husband, his voice hushed inside the quiet of the room, “I just got out of a meeting and had urgent files to double check before signing everything.”

Another beat of awkward silence.

“Are you overworking yourself again, Baek?”

Why was Chanyeol always so tender with him? So loving despite of everything that happened between them?

“No, Yeol.” Baekhyun said, even though he was, in fact, overworking himself. He had been doing so for the longest time because the demand of work had always been a better distraction to their – his – worries. “I’m fine. I promise.”

The noise Chanyeol made on the other end of the line made Baekhyun think his tall husband wasn’t buying it. But just with everything else, Chanyeol lets him be and turns a blind eye like he usually does.

“Okay.” Chanyeol sighed through the phone, gripping it tightly. He could almost see the indifference from Baekhyun even when they weren’t facing each other, “I just wanted to check up on you.”

“There’s no need,” Baekhyun’s voice turned soft and sweet, and at moments like this, it made Chanyeol hope that they were still okay, “Don’t worry, Yeollie.”

A soft, almost melancholic smile graced the taller’s lips once he heard the nickname.

“Your mom called me this morning,” Chanyeol said after a moment, and he heard Baekhyun’s sharp intake of breath when the realization dawned on him, “She wanted to remind us that we should be there by seven or before eight.”

No answer. And suddenly Chanyeol wished he could hug his smaller husband in his arms like he used to. When Baekhyun would seek his embrace for strength and comfort every time everything became too much for him to handle.

But he couldn’t. Not when Baekhyun doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want him to.

“Baekhyun, love?” Chanyeol called after a few minutes when Baekhyun didn’t reply. “It’s okay if you don’t want to go. I can talk to your mom and we can just -”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun’s soft voice cut through his rambling, “It’s their anniversary, we should be there.”

“Do you want me to come and pick you up?” Chanyeol offered, his hope making him bold, “You can leave your keys with Jongdae and we could -”

“No need,” Baekhyun spoke over him once more, voice turning somewhat cold again, something Chanyeol was more used to hearing now, “I’ll see you at home, okay, Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun could sense the disappointment from his lover but he didn’t comment on it. He sat there feeling disoriented once again.

“Okay.” Chanyeol said after several painstaking minutes of silence, “See you at home, Baekhyun.”

* * *

Baekhyun checks himself in front of the floor-length mirror, making sure that there was not a hair out of place or a wrinkle on his three-piece silver suit that was specifically designed and tailored just for him, upon his mother’s insistence for the Byuns’ anniversary tonight that will be held at their mansion.

A soft knock on his door made him turn from his self-inspection. He was then met by his husband’s handsome face that was framed by his signature comma hairstyle. He is wearing an expensive black tuxedo that fitted him so well, defining the muscles on his arms and his broad shoulders. A golden Rolex watch, which had been a gift from Baekhyun on their first wedding anniversary, was adorning his left wrist, glinting under the fluorescent lights.

“Baekhyun,” The tall male called softly, always so softly, he was wearing a brittle smile as he carefully entered Baekhyun’s room, hands inside his pockets. “Are you done preparing?”

Baekhyun turned towards the mirror again, wanting to observe himself for the last time before nodding his head at his husband, their eyes meeting on the mirror’s surface, and Baekhyun couldn’t help the hitch of his breath as he stared at the taller.

Chanyeol was just simply beautiful in his effortlessness.

They stared at each other for a moment, the air around them carrying the usual feeling of a broken glass at their feet as they tiptoed around each other’s presence. The huge elephant in the room almost glaring at them both, but they ignored it. As they always did for the most of their marriage.

And yet Chanyeol decided to be daring, the moment their eyes met, he found himself slowly walking towards Baekhyun. He couldn’t help it, not when his husband looked so breathtakingly beautiful. He stood behind the smaller, who did not move an inch from where he was rooted, merely following the other with his eyes on the mirror.

Chanyeol ever so gently snaked his arms around Baekhyun’s thin waist, his movement slow and cautious as he rested his chin on his husband’s right shoulder, closing his eyes as he savored the feel of the other’s warmth.

“You look so beautiful, Starlight.” Chanyeol breathed, eyes still closed, lips a feather of touches on his husband’s clothed shoulder. And Baekhyun could feel his stomach churn, his chest constricting at the endearment and the memories it would always bring.

They stood there, like that. Unmoving and savoring each other’s presence until it was yet again broken by a dawning awareness of his pain and guilt. As usual, it was the carrier who would start their dance on broken shards of imagined glass.

“We should go,” Baekhyun said softly, breaking away from his husband’s hold, eyes not meeting the taller anymore, “Mom and Dad are waiting for us.”

Chanyeol couldn’t even find it in him to acknowledge what Baekhyun had said, the feeling of loss settling in his heart the moment Baekhyun’s warmth was gone from his hold.

The look of hurt and disappointment that flashed across Chanyeol’s face was yet again dutifully ignored by Baekhyun as he walked out of his room, leaving the other in sheer devastation.

With his chest heaving, he felt like the walls of Baekhyun’s room were closing in on him, making him gasp and sigh. He breathed in for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts before he quietly followed the smaller out of the room.

Their drive was spent in silence, though Baekhyun had wordlessly asked for Chanyeol’s hand for him to hold just like he always did, a habit he never lost despite how things were currently between them – and who was Chanyeol to refuse when he barely had the chance to feel the warmth of his husband? To appreciate the softness that is Baekhyun, nowadays?

He held Baekhyun’s hand tighter in his.

Chanyeol could see there were a lot of people who came to the Byun couple’s anniversary event, judging by the numerous cars and number of individuals loitering here and there. Chanyeol parked his car at its usual spot, reserved especially for either his or Baekhyun’s car every time the Byuns would host a party.

When the taller got down from the car, he instantly jogged towards the other side of the vehicle to open the door for Baekhyun, who gave him a brittle yet thankful smile as Chanyeol held his waist to help him down.

Baekhyun was clinging to him immediately after, holding onto Chanyeol’s arm tightly. This was not new for the younger, he knew his small husband was an introvert even though he was a friendly and social person, but he was not a fan of parties or big social events, mostly opting to stay at home and play his video games or allocate his extra time on doing his work at home.

And with those thoughts, Chanyeol reminisces the first time he had interacted with Baekhyun – and no, the taller doesn’t consider their meeting at the elevator or the one inside the conference hall where they met to become business partners as their first official meeting – Chanyeol decided that their first official interaction had been a little later that day, during night time where the both of them had shed their corporate attires and professional personas, at a place where Baekhyun would rarely go to destress himself: a club.

Chanyeol could still remember Baekhyun’s shy glances and their subtle flirting, how the little pieces of his heart were stolen by Baekhyun that night with his crescent eyes, melodious laughter and with every breathtaking smile Baekhyun would send his way.

He could still clearly recall how he saw the stars in Baekhyun’s eyes as if they held little specks of starlight in them, and he swore to himself there were no other pair of eyes he wished to be lost in again.

“Baekhyun! Chanyeol!” A voice called them, cutting the taller’s reverie as he was faced by his mother-in-law walking towards their direction after going down from the grand staircase. “I’m so glad the two of you are here.”

They were instantly met with warm hugs and sweet pecks on their cheeks. It made Chanyeol smile.

“How are you, Mom?” Baekhyun asked as Chanyeol slipped his arm around his waist. And he lets him. “And where’s Dad?”

“I’m fine, darling,” Mrs. Byun replied with a kind smile, gesturing for the couple to follow her inside where the party is being held, “Your father is at the bar, drinking with some of our business partners.”

She turned towards Chanyeol, tilting her head towards the opposite side of the room, “Chanyeol, dear, would you please go get him? He’s been looking for you, as well.”

“Oh?” Chanyeol reluctantly lets go of his small husband, “Is there something Dad needs?”

“No, darling,” his mother-in-law pats his cheek affectionately, a soft yet teasing smile gracing her lips, “He just wants to brag about his son-in-law bagging that partnership with the Huangs.”

“Ah,” Chanyeol smiles, half in relief and half in shyness, Baekhyun notes. His husband had successfully convinced the biggest Chinese investors to be a partner of their company recently, and the Huangs had been known in the business world as meticulous and strict when screening their potential partners. And for Chanyeol to have successfully convinced the Chinese businessmen meant that he was very good at his job, making both his and Baekhyun’s parents very proud of him, and Chanyeol being the humble and sweet man that he is, had received their praises and good words with a gracious but dismissive smile.

“Go ahead,” Baekhyun said, smiling softly at his husband, “You deserve to get recognized.”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol only shakes his head slightly at both his husband and mother-in-law before looking at Baekhyun straight in the eye, “I’d rather be with you right now.”

Baekhyun froze ever so slightly when Chanyeol squeezed his waist, the meaning behind his husband’s words ringing in his ears. It wasn’t a wonder to Baekhyun how Chanyeol tended to cling to him whenever they were in public, knowing fully well that Baekhyun couldn’t ignore or avoid him like he always does when it’s just the two of them.

“Nonsense,” Mrs. Byun laughs and waves her hand at Chanyeol, gesturing for him to let go of Baekhyun, “You two spend too much time together at home, already.”

Neither spoke. Neither corrected her. But Mrs. Byun could see.

“And yet I couldn’t get enough of him,” Chanyeol said after a moment, trying to make the air around them lighter. Mrs. Byun laughed at his cheesiness and gestured for the two of them to follow her.

“Then come on, let’s get you two lovebirds some food,” she gave her son a look, “Baekhyun looks smaller the more I see him.”

Once seated, the couple were immediately greeted by everyone else who were already there and without noticing it, the two were enveloped by chit chats and small talks around them.

“Oh, Baekhyunnie,” a woman who was the same age as his mother and whose husband was a board member of their company called for his attention, “You look so pretty tonight, my dear.”

Baekhyun only gave a tight smile and a courteous nod, his appetite was slowly diminishing as dread crept up inside his gut, knowing full well where these questions would lead.

“So, Baekhyun, darling,” Mrs. Kim, Jongdae’s aunt who also happened to be one of their partners said, “How long have you and Chanyeol have been married again?”

Baekhyun could feel his stomach churning as he bit his lip in trying to keep his worry inside.

“We’ve been together for six years,” Chanyeol answers politely, “And we’ve been married for just over three years now, Mrs. Kim.”

“And when do you two plan having a baby?”

And there it was. Both men flinched at the dreaded question. Baekhyun’s grip on his utensils tightened while Chanyeol was checking his husband by the corner of his eye.

“We’re both so busy, so…” Chanyeol starts but he was cut off by Mrs. Choi, another wife of a business partner, “But you two aren’t getting any younger!”

“Is there something wrong with either one of you?” Mrs. Kwon cuts in as she sat down beside Mrs. Choi, her face held sincere worry and yet she had no idea how her words affects the couple, how her innocent curiosity felt like a blow to Baekhyun’s gut, “Have you had yourselves checked? Maybe that’s why.”

Baekhyun abruptly stood, slamming his hands on the table as he did so. He excused himself hastily, steps in a hurried pace as he walked out of the room without glancing at anyone else around him, not even at his own husband. An awkward silence fell upon their table the moment Baekhyun had left and the ladies who had been pestering them slowly left one by one with sheepish looks on their faces.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol,” Mrs. Byun sighed, clasping her son-in-law’s hand tightly in comfort, “I knew you and Baekhyun would be uncomfortable coming here and yet, I forced you to come, I’m so sorry.”

“No it’s okay, Mom,” Chanyeol gave her a tight smile, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze, “We wanted to be here for you and Dad.”

“Oh, darling.” Mrs. Byun whined, feeling somehow guilty and sad. But the tall male only gave her a sweet smile and reassured her that everything was fine, when clearly it was not. Such a sweet boy, she thought to herself.

She observed her son’s husband as he slouches on his seat, a blank expression on his face and a faraway look in his eyes. Chanyeol looked so tired and drained as he sat there with his head hung low between his drooped shoulders and his usually bright eyes looked dim and miserable with dark circles beneath them.

“Chanyeol, darling,” Mrs. Byun said and Chanyeol slowly looked up, “Be honest with me, hmm? How are things between you and Baekhyun?”

Chanyeol stayed quiet, not at all surprised at the question directed his way. Of course, Mrs. Byun would notice, as did his mom the last time they met, and both women had counseled them through the years many times about their issue, always ready to listen and give out advices towards them. But right now, Chanyeol was almost sure that no amount of advice or pep talk from their mothers would help his and Baekhyun’s situation.

“Chanyeol,” there was a tone of reprimand in Mrs. Byun’s tone now at the lack of answer from the younger, “Tell me, how are things between you.”

“Still the same,” Chanyeol confessed with a heavy breath.

“Have you talked to him about -?”

Chanyeol shakes his head, cutting the other off quietly, “He barely talks to me, Mom.”

“Chanyeol, I’m so sorry for the way he is acting,” Mrs. Byun starts, lips in a thin line, “I know he’s being difficult, but please-”

“Don’t give up on him,” Chanyeol finishes for her, nodding slightly as the hurt and sadness washed over his handsome features, “I know, Mom. But sometimes…”

A deep, defeated sigh.

“… Sometimes I get tired, too.”

Mrs. Byun bit her lip, unsure of how to handle the situation in front of her, unsure on how to even comfort someone who seems so lost, so scared, and so unsure of everything around him. Besides, how could she comfort him? When all Chanyeol wants is to be comforted by the very same person as to why he is hurt.

Silence had enveloped the two of them, the older observing the other who could only hang his head.

She knew her son had always wanted children, it had been a dream for Baekhyun to have a large family someday and when her eldest had told her that he would be getting married to the love of his life, she had been ecstatic and happy, knowing that her son’s dream is now in an arm’s reach.

But she had been so wrong. During their first year as a married couple, Baekhyun had confessed to his mother that Chanyeol stopped using protection and he stopped taking his pills on the day of their honeymoon and yet not once had Baekhyun experienced the slightest signs of pregnancy.

Around their second year of marriage, Baekhyun had started to act differently towards Chanyeol. The COO was lost as to how to handle his husband’s sudden change of attitude, and that was when Mrs. Park had suggested of having the two of them tested to see if there was something wrong with either of them.

That day, Baekhyun had been a nervous wreck and kept clinging on to Chanyeol, fearing for whatever results the doctor would tell them – but it was not what they had expected.

You are both healthy, the kind doctor had explained to them, but the carrier has lower reproduction rate than normal.

What does that mean? They both had asked.

Your capacity for reproduction is slightly lesser compared to normal but you can conceive, that’s why I would not recommend artificial means of reproduction for you both because it could affect the chances of conceiving naturally.

Is that why I have not gotten pregnant, yet, Doctor? Baekhyun voiced out his most feared concern.

In a way, yes. Have you tried having intercourse during your fertile days? Baekhyun had nodded immediately, gripping Chanyeol’s hand tightly. The doctor had pursed his lips at that, taking his time to reply, All I can recommend is keep trying, maybe it isn’t the right time yet.

Since that day, Baekhyun had slowly started to change, almost like he was beginning to give up on his dream of starting a family. He had started to become distant and cold towards Chanyeol as well, pushing him away half the time, often rebuffing the taller every time he would try to initiate a hug or a kiss, almost as if any physical interaction with his tall husband was nauseating for Baekhyun. As if Chanyeol’s touches would burn him. Maybe it did.

And Mrs. Byun had felt so helpless for his sweet son-in-law, but not as helpless as Chanyeol could ever feel about their situation. Chanyeol decides to excuse himself from their table at that moment, leaving with a polite bow and a tight smile on his face. Mrs. Byun could only look at his retreating back with an anxious frown.

***

Baekhyun lay on his old bed inside his old room where he had stayed since he was young until the day he moved out of the house to live with Chanyeol. He had one arm slung just below his eyes that keeps staring into a faraway nothingness.

“What are you doing here, sulking all on your own when there’s a party downstairs?” a voice asked out of nowhere, sounding light and easy, but Baekhyun could sense the concern and wonder beneath the words. Baekhyun heard faint footsteps coming closer to where he was, and then he felt the bed dipping just a few inches from him. “And why aren’t you with your husband?”

“I’m tired.” Was Baekhyun’s curt response to his brother, and if Sehun didn’t know better he’d believe the older.

They sat there, silence stretching between them. One was so absorbed with his thoughts while the other was busy observing him with such keen eyes, making the quiet a welcomed friend inside the dimly lit room.

“Tired of what exactly?” Sehun asked nonchalantly and yet Baekhyun flinched, something the other did not miss.

“Work, I guess…” Baekhyun mumbled, to which Sehun snorts with an eye roll. His older brother looked towards his direction upon hearing the sound he made, and he saw how his baby brother had just rolled his eyes on him.

“What?”

Even he had sounded so defensive in his own ears.

“Are you tired of work because you’re purposely overworking yourself so that you have an excuse to see your husband less?” Sehun retorts suddenly, “Are you tired of feeling guilty and envious every time you see your friends or our relatives carrying their child?”

“Why are you snapping at me?” Baekhyun asked in a strained voice, but Sehun ignores him and instead continues with his tirade, “Or are you tired of yourself because you know you’re the only who is making a big deal out of this issue?”

“Stop it, Se.” Baekhyun warns coldly, sitting up abruptly as his eyes flared up in anger. But Sehun didn’t plan on backing down, either. “And it is a big deal! To me it is.”

“No, you stop it! Stop being so selfish,” Sehun snaps back before his voice turns soft in a whisper but still as angry, “Please, Hyung, you’re not the only one who’s hurting.”

But sometimes people are at a point in their lives that the pain becomes too much to handle, the pressure from your frustrations has become unbearable, and all you see and feel are your pain and your pain alone, while the pain others feel becomes background noise to your ears, the pain you inflict on others feels validated since you yourself are hurting so much.

And one becomes selfish in their hurt, blinded by their sorrow and cold in their desperation.

And so Baekhyun chooses not to answer, chooses to stay quiet and childishly settles on ignoring his younger brother. Sehun sighs in defeat.

“Hyung…” the younger tries to reach out in a placating manner, only to have his hand slapped away harshly. Sehun sighs again.

Sehun stands and slowly leaves the room, but not before parting with his brother with a few words by the door, “Hyung, don’t wait until things between you two become unfixable, maybe some things are just given to you and maybe some things are not. But remember it is no one’s fault, not yours, and especially not your husband’s.”

And the door closes with an almost inaudible click, and yet it kept ringing in Baekhyun’s ears.

He sat there, still as a statue. Shame and guilt creeping into his heart as it usually did every time he’d think about his husband and the way he had been treating him for the past two years.

Baekhyun wasn’t sure when it started, when he had started to act differently, when he had started to become aloof and cold towards Chanyeol. But he was certain it had been around after their first year of marriage when they had thought Baekhyun was pregnant, but it turned out only had a stomach bug.

They tried and tried, asked every doctor and specialist but to no avail, nothing had happened. It was all the same, same words that said his reproduction rate was lower than normal, how he should just try and wait it out, because it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen, they said.

But then suddenly Baekhyun had started to sleep in the guestroom, the pressure and frustrations eating Baekhyun from the inside. They became strangers in their own marriage. Chanyeol had tried to coax him to return to their room, try to make things better between them, but at that time, Baekhyun felt Chanyeol’s presence as a cruel reminder of what he wanted but couldn’t be given to him.

He only wanted a child —his own flesh and blood— is that too much to ask?

And it suddenly struck him, the weight of his selfishness, of how unfair he was, slapped him harshly in cold reality.

You’re not the only one who’s hurting, Sehun’s words felt like knives against his skin, a stab to his heart, Don’t wait until things between you two become unfixable.

So Baekhyun stood abruptly from where he sat and he ran. He frantically searched for his husband through the crowd of people inside his family’s estate, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath but never did he slow down his pace.

I need to find Chanyeol, Baekhyun felt his tears threatening to spill, his heart racing in a nervous manner as fear enveloped his entire being, I need to apologize to him.

Baekhyun was rounding a corner that leads to their patio at the back of their house when he saw Chanyeol’s figure, standing with his shoulders slumped and Baekhyun felt his throat narrowing on itself, too overwhelmed with the sudden rush of emotions he was feeling.

But when he was about to take a step towards his husband with his apologies on the tip of his tongue, he hears another familiar voice.

"How have you been, Yeol?" Kyungsoo asked with a small frown, Baekhyun could see the shorter man’s hand was gripping the taller's shoulder, tight and reassuring.

And Baekhyun felt like his gut was being punched a thousand times because of what he was seeing. Doh Kyungsoo, his -husband’s ex-boyfriend, the only man Chanyeol had wanted to marry before meeting Baekhyun –  was there comforting his husband because of him.

Baekhyun feels sick to his stomach.

Chanyeol shakes his head and the other seems to get it immediately, he moves closer to Chanyeol and held his hand firmly.

"How are you and Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo said seriously, but Baekhyun could hear it despite his voice being faint because of the distance, "And don't lie to me. I know you."

The CEO heard his husband laughing humorlessly, and Baekhyun could see the hurt and loss shining through his tired eyes.

"Are you two still in the middle of a "cold war" as you've put it?" Kyungsoo asked while doing air quotes with his hands, making Baekhyun wonder in fear and feel a sliver of doubt.

They’ve talked before? The smaller thinks bitterly, since when?

"I don't know anymore, Kyung," Chanyeol gave a smirk that looked all too forced and too fake as he confessed in a heavy breath after a moment, eyes brimming with unshed tears and Baekhyun would be lying if he said he wasn’t bothered by how Chanyeol had used an endearment, "I really feel like giving up."

Baekhyun felt himself freeze at the words, his heart picking up in speed that is beyond normal. Chanyeol’s words felt like a rusted knife was stabbed into his chest, the hilt being turned over and over until the numbness was spreading from his chest, reaching until his fingertips.

How much have I pushed you away?

Kyungsoo looked up as he studied the other. He reached out and pulled the taller inside his arms for a warm embrace despite their size difference, Chanyeol’s head automatically resting against Kyungsoo’s shoulders like it had always belonged there.

And maybe it did. Maybe it should be.

"If I had known that he'll hurt you like this," Kyungsoo said against the shell of Chanyeol's ear, voice gruff and vile in Baekhyun’s hearing, "Then I shouldn't have let him have you."

And like the coward that he was, Baekhyun chose to run away yet again as a wave of realizations sets in.

***

"If I had known that he'll hurt you like this," Kyungsoo whispered against Chanyeol's ear, "Then I shouldn't have let him have you."

Chanyeol's eyes widened at the words, almost disbelieving, but then he could hear the teasing tone beneath the words and it made him laugh a little. He moved away from the hug and gave his ex a small, weak smile.

"I'll tell Jongin you said that." He teased back softly, but Kyungsoo only rolled his eyes at him.

"By all means, he's cute when he gets jealous," Kyungsoo smirked, wiggling his eyebrows, "You would be doing me a favor."

Chanyeol made a face at him, causing the other to chuckle lightly.

"But seriously, Yeol," his ex-lover turned somber once more, looking straight into his eyes with sincerity in his words, "I believe there is no one else in this world that fits perfectly for you than Baekhyun. Don’t give up on your love so easily, hm?"

Kyungsoo squeezed his hand gently in comfort.

Chanyeol could see the gold band of his wedding ring glinting against his tan skin. Kyungsoo had been married to one of Chanyeol’s business partners, Kim Jongin, only last week, they had accidentally met when he was invited at the wedding, the former lovers rekindling their friendship that night through multiple shots of alcohol and Chanyeol had ended up oversharing. But it still made him smile softly to himself, he was glad that the person he had loved and hurt before was happily living his life now.

If only he and Baekhyun could be the same.

"Do you love him?" Kyungsoo asked.

"With my entire being." He instantly replied.

Kyungsoo nods and asked again, "Do you still believe he is worth it? That the love between you is worth it?"

But Chanyeol didn't answer, he couldn't, he simply stared back into Kyungsoo’s eyes.

And Kyungsoo understood, he could always read the taller like an open book and the latter could already see the answer on his face and in his stare.

"I see," He pats Chanyeol's back consolingly, "Then I think you know what to do."

After Chanyeol’s short catching up with Kyungsoo, the latter had left early, saying he had only came by to deliver the cake Jongin had asked for him to bake as a gift for the Byuns, that’s why their paths had crossed for the second time when Kyungsoo went out of the kitchen, his husband had been talking with Mr. Byun.

Chanyeol started to walk towards the stairs that led to his husband’s old bedroom, he gave curt nods and tight smiles to everyone he met along the way.

When he was in front of Baekhyun’s door, he knocked softly and called out Baekhyun’s name, but he was met by silence. Still, Chanyeol decided to go inside, thinking his small husband was just fast asleep.

But when he turned on the switch to open the lights, he saw Baekhyun sitting on his bed, clutching at his chest as he sobbed in an agonizing stillness, no sound coming out of his mouth and yet his tears couldn’t stop.

Chanyeol scrambled his way towards the smaller, holding him close to his chest as he kept on asking what was wrong, checking his body for any injury just in case.

And Baekhyun lets him, for the first time in over a year his husband allows Chanyeol to cradle him on his lap, his face buried by the crook of the giant’s neck while his hand was holding Baekhyun tightly by his waist, almost like an anchor, while his other hand cupped Baekhyun’s tear stained cheek, skin warm and soothing.

“Starlight, what is it,” Chanyeol practically begged, his heart breaking at the amount of distress on the smaller’s face, “Please talk to me.”

“H-How long…?” Baekhyun answered in a voice just above a whisper, but Chanyeol didn’t seem to understand his words. The taller’s brows were furrowed, eyes looking at him questioningly, clearly confused and at a loss.

“How long…” Baekhyun hiccupped between his sobs, “Y-you… You a-and…”

“Huh? What are you saying, Baek?” Chanyeol is beyond confused by now, “Me and who?”

“You and Kyungsoo!” the smaller shouted after another tearful sob, “How long have you been cheating on me?”

“WHAT,” a disbelieving squeak came out from Chanyeol’s lip, unknowingly shoving Baekhyun slightly away from him, too shocked and a little bit offended, “What did you say?”

Baekhyun didn’t answer his husband’s question, instead he simply moved back, giving space between their bodies as he glared back at Chanyeol with a defiant hurt in his eyes.

“Did I hear that right?” Chanyeol’s face was painted with incredulity as he voiced out his questions in a frustrated manner, “Did you just imply that I cheated on you?”

“Well, what were you doing with Kyungsoo earlier?”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol opened his mouth and then closed it, trying really hard not explode and just scream at his husband as he grabbed at his hair and closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, never had Baekhyun felt fear in front of Chanyeol before, much more because of him, but as he stared into his husband’s beautiful almond shaped eyes, all he saw were pain, hurt, disappointment and anger. So, so much anger.

“Kyungsoo is married,” Chanyeol says, still trying to calm himself down, he kept on licking and biting his bottom lip, his frustration and exasperation almost tangible and Baekhyun wishes nothing more than to just kill himself in embarrassment and guilt at that moment.

“God, Baek, you think I’d cheat on you!?” the taller held a look between furious offense and hurt incredulity, “Do you honestly believe I’m capable of hurting you? Do you really think so little of me, of my love for you?”

“I thought…” But he couldn’t finish his sentence, shame making him lose his voice.

“Thought what exactly?” the taller grits out in anger and Baekhyun flinched, so unused to Chanyeol speaking like this towards him.

“After being so distant towards you,” Baekhyun gulps, eyes unable to meet the giant’s, “I never thought about it until I saw you together with Kyungsoo. I just-”

He didn’t realize he was already crying again. And never had he been so disgusted with himself.

“I just, oh fuck it, I just thought that maybe you’re tired of me and that I can’t even blame you if you decided to leave me because it had been my fault.”

“Baek, I’m hurt,” Chanyeol cries as he finally breaks, the sorrow evident in his entire being, “The moment you decided to sleep in a different room away from me, I was hurt. Every time you avoid my words, my touch, my presence, I was hurt. Every time you come to me to have sex knowing you’re only doing it because you want a baby and not because you miss making love to me, it hurts.”

And Baekhyun believed him. How could he not when that’s all he could see in his husband’s eyes?

“I miss you every day despite the two of us living together, I miss touching you without you cringing away from me like I disgust you, I miss making love to you despite us still having sex. I miss us, Baekhyun.”

Was it possible to cry this much in a span of a few hours? Baekhyun didn’t know, all he knows is that his tears wouldn’t stop falling.

“Baekhyun, I admit you’ve been hurting me for a while and there are days that sometimes I just want to give up, give up on you, give up on us because for a very long time, Baek,” Chanyeol admits softly with a pained sigh, his voice thick and laced with all the suppressed emotions he had been bottling up, “For a long time I felt like there’s no us, anymore.”

Baekhyun couldn’t speak, he could only sob in silence, the pain is so suffocating that he feels his chest ache.

“Not even when I felt so lonely in the house I was sharing with my spouse, not even when you kept giving me reasons to just give in to all the numerous opportunities coming my way.” Chanyeol wipes his face with his hands in a frustrated manner, “But not once did I ever think to cheat on you, not once did I give in even though I’m so burnt out and so, so alone.”

And where Baekhyun had expected an onslaught of the taller’s rage on him, what he saw instead was an immeasurable amount of hurt and disappointment in Chanyeol’s eyes. And Baekhyun had never hated himself so much.

“Why Baekhyun, hm?” Chanyeol slowly approached him, eyes pleading, “Tell me, why would you avoid me and treat me like I’m nonexistent, do I mean so little to you? Is having a child so important to you that you can’t be content with just the two of us for now? Baekhyun,” a whimper escaped from Chanyeol’s lips that sounded so tired and so broken, “Baekhyun, be honest with me, am I not enough for you?”

And Baekhyun couldn’t reply, not when they already both knew the answer before it was even asked.

***

“Baekhyun darling, please, you should eat more.” Mrs. Byun tried to coax his firstborn once again, but like all the other days for the past three weeks since Baekhyun stayed back home at their mansion, Baekhyun only responded with a mere shake of his head.

The moment Mrs. Byun had found her son in his old bedroom, sobbing nonstop, his mother instantly engulfed him in her warm embrace. She comforted him without using words, she didn’t ask him anything either; yet, Baekhyun was sure she already knew despite the lack of explanation on his part.

Ever since Chanyeol had walked out on him inside his childhood bedroom, Baekhyun felt a part of him had walked away with his taller husband, a part of his heart, his soul, himself –  gone.

For the past three weeks, Baekhyun ate just enough to keep him alive but not enough for him to be called healthy. He barely slept without crying his heart out beforehand, and he almost never left his room.

He brought all his work to his home, not leaving the house at all for all those weeks. During meetings in their company that his presence was needed, it was Sehun who would take his place.

To say his parents and Sehun were worried is an understatement, the latter wanting nothing more than to intervene and help his older brother, but he was always stopped by his mother with a simple shake of her head.

It is not our place to interfere in their problem, she would always say to her youngest, This is something both of them must work on. This is something they should overcome by themselves.

“Please, I want to be alone, Mom.”

“But, honey – ”

A soft knock on Baekhyun’s door interrupts their conversation or lack thereof.

“Mom? Can I talk to Hyung?” Both Baekhyun and Mrs. Byun turned to look behind them to find the youngest Byun standing by the doorway. His face was devoid of any emotion, his hands were in the pockets of his suit pants, and he stared into Baekhyun’s eyes with an emotion the older sibling could not fathom but it made the older look away almost immediately, “Please, it’ll just be a few minutes.”

Their mother looked at her tall son for a moment before giving Baekhyun a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder. She gracefully stood from where she had been sitting beside her son and carefully walked out the door, but not before giving Sehun a soft peck on his cheek.

“Be nice to him, yeah?” she had whispered before she closed the door behind her with a click.

Sehun took a deep breath that he immediately released, gathering himself as he walked towards his older brother. He carefully sat beside the other, giving a comfortable distance between the two of them as he leaned his forearms on his thighs, his hands clasped together tightly.

The two brothers just sat there in silence that was neither awkward nor comfortable. The two of them just sat there quietly, both were so consumed by their own thoughts on how did everything became such a mess.

“Why are you here?” Baekhyun asked after a while, eyes trained beyond their window into faraway nothing.

And Sehun was not the type of person to beat around the bush. So, he hands him the reason as to why he came by. “Here.”

A folded piece of paper was placed between their bodies.

“Is it from him?” Baekhyun stared at the paper for a good minute, his heart beating fast inside his still body.

“Yes,” Sehun nods, eyes trained on his brother’s face, “He asked me to give that to you, he said he wanted you to read it before….”

But Sehun did not continue what he was saying.

“What is it?” Baekhyun stared into his brother’s eyes, worried and almost panicking.

“Nothing,” Sehun soothed him immediately as he stood up from the bed, giving Baekhyun a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder, “I’ll leave you with that, okay? Go on, read it.”

He looks up at Sehun and was greeted by a small yet warm smile. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to. The younger gave Baekhyun's forehead a soft peck before standing and leaving him be. And with that, Sehun left.

Baekhyun took the paper on the bed and he gingerly opened it. What he thought was a single letter was actually five letters in total written in smaller pieces of paper placed inside the bigger outer paper.

The CEO didn't realize that he was holding his breath, his heart pounding so fast as he reaches for one of the letters placed on top, the surface was embedded with Chanyeol's familiar handwriting, words upon words of the taller's emotions and thoughts written down and addressed solely to him. Baekhyun suddenly felt his throat constricting at the sight.

Baekhyun held the letters as if he was afraid that he would accidentally tear them off or break them—much like what he did to his husband’s heart. Baekhyun held the letters like he was afraid they would fly out of his grasp suddenly, and he was afraid. Baekhyun admits that to himself, he admits that he is terrified of what is written on these papers, but he carried on.

He inhaled deeply before reading the first letter.

To my beautiful Starlight,

I don't know why I'm writing this letter while waiting for your brother to call me from my room. I kind of feel silly. Can you believe it, my love? We're getting married in a few minutes, and after those minutes are done, I get to call you legally mine. All mine, for the rest of our lives and for the rest of our forever.

My lovely Baekhyun, falling for you was the easiest thing in the world for me to do. But I must confess, when we were dating, there are days that I felt like I was going to lose my mind because of you. And yet, I won’t have it any other way, because I choose to stay, I choose to love you every day, I choose you.

You know why, Starlight? Because I am hopelessly in love with you.

I'm so in love with you, my Starlight. I love you and all your crazy antics and silly jokes. I love your smile and your laughter, your beautiful face when you sleep and when you're about to wake up. I fell in love with you and your adorable little quirks, especially those little noises you make before you fall asleep. I fell in love with the passion you had for your family and the company, I fell even more so after witnessing your perseverance to provide for the thousands of people working under your company. You're such a precious soul, my Baekhyun and there are days I couldn't believe you are mine.

In a matter of minutes, I'll be right there at the altar, waiting for you to come to me and spend the rest of your life with me, and so I'm apologizing in advance if I'll be crying like a baby as you've always pointed out to me. I apologize if I’ll cry when I see you walking towards me to be my husband, I'm sorry if I might not say my vows properly because of all the sobbing I'll be doing.

I'm sorry if I wouldn't be able to contain my love for you and that they would escape in the form of my tears.  I'm sorry, but I'm just so in love with you.

And I can't wait to be yours, and you to be mine. Officially.

All my love,

Your Chanyeol

Baekhyun didn’t realize that he had started crying, he clutched the paper to his chest as he finished reading the first letter. A part of his heart bloomed at the love his husband held for him, yet a part of him felt immeasurable guilt at how he had been so unfair to the taller, how he had been so selfish and blinded with his hurt that he failed to see that he  was hurting Chanyeol, too.

With heavy breaths, Baekhyun carefully placed the first letter beside him and began to read the next one.

To my dearest Starlight,

I don't know why I'm writing this when I know I won't be giving it to you, thinking that you'll only find it cheesy. But I hope that as I write this letter inside my study, you are having beautiful dreams as you sleep. I hope they make you smile and give nothing but good memories when you wake up.

I hope your dreams are kind to you, unlike the many people in the party last night.

Last night, you were generous enough to host a surprise party for Jongdae because of his engagement with Minseok Hyung. I saw how excited you were preparing for it. I witnessed the efforts you gave to the planning, the food and the decorations. Just simply everything, you thought about it well and hard because you’re that type of friend and person. You’re just so giving and so loving.

And it pains me to see how your loving smile had slowly faded bit by bit after every question thrown our way. Sure, it’s normal, expected even, to ask a couple about their plans of having a baby after marriage. Sure, it’s harmless conversation and it’s okay to be curious.

But sometimes I wished people were more perceptive. Because if then, they’d realize their simple, innocent questions were starting to feel tedious. Hurtful, even.

By the time I saw you answering what probably had been the tenth similar question thrown our way, I saw how your smile was starting to look forced, and how your eyes had turned sad and a little hurt. I saw how the light in your eyes slowly dimmed.

After that, I started answering them for you because I knew you were starting to get drained and I wanted nothing more than to make it all better for you, and that’s why I asked for us to leave right away. I saw the hint of gratefulness in your eyes despite you saying you wanted to stay, because I know that deep down you were hurting already.

My darling, you have so much love to give and I am honored to receive your love every day. And I can’t wait for the day when you get to share it with our own bundle of joy someday.

 Trust the process, my love. Our time will come. In the meantime, I am here and you can baby me as much as you want until then.

I love you so much, Baekhyun.

So much.

Your Chanyeol.

Baekhyun didn’t think twice as he grabbed the next letter.

Dear Starlight,

Here I am, writing again and not knowing if I'll be brave enought to hand it to you, at all. I am sitting beside you and watching over you as I write this letter.  I know you’re just pretending to sleep in our room right now with dried tears painting your beautiful face, and every time I see you like that —so devastated and so lost, I feel twice the pain you feel.

We got home from the doctor's appointment a few hours ago and since we arrived, you haven’t left our room, you immediately went to bed and curled in on yourself as you cried yourself to sleep.

I saw how heartbroken you had been when the obstetrician explained to us that your symptoms were only because of a stomach bug and not because you were pregnant. I witnessed how your eyes had slowly dimmed and how your heart broke, all your joy and excitement from beforehand — gone in an instant.

I know you were keeping it all to yourself, the pressure from everyone about having a baby, especially the pressure you give to yourself. I can see how worked up you have been.

I know you're hurting and that you try to hide it from me with your jokes and snide comments paired with your beautiful smile every time I would reach out and ask, but Starlight, you forget I spent all my waking moments loving you, and I know it every time you're hiding something.

But I chose to ignore it and let you be, I chose to let you fight this battle on your own as you seemed to have silently asked. But I hope you know that I am always here for you no matter what.

Your Chanyeol.

Baekhyun cried and cried, his tears never ceasing as he placed the other letter atop the first ones and he began to read the next.

To my Lovely Baekhyun,

Last night you asked me if it's okay if I were to give you a little space – a room for you to allow yourself to heal and shoulder everything. But I never realized the space you were asking for would mean you moving to a different room and distancing yourself away from me.

And even though I wanted to be selfish with you, wanted to assert myself in your decisions, I wanted nothing more than to be with you as you face your problems as your husband and best friend – and yet, I didn’t.

I let you face your problems on your own, deal with the constant pestering and questions from our relatives and friends, basically just everyone around you and I knew it hurt you. It devastates you. Every time they asked you why we still haven’t had a child together, I knew you were hurt as you explained and would tell everyone it wasn’t meant for us just yet. Even though I could see how badly you wanted it to be otherwise.

There are days that I wanted to reach out and talk about your worries with you, but I knew you would only distance yourself farther from me and so I’m sorry if I wasn’t beside you when you needed me the most, I’m sorry I allowed you to distance yourself from me and even though it hurts me more than anything, I allowed it. Because it seemed it was what you needed.

But days pass by into weeks, and weeks turn into months, and suddenly the months had turned into a year and yet nothing changed between us, it only got worse. You only became even more distant and colder towards me and it hurt me every time you stared at me with nothing but dimness and sadness in your eyes. You barely acknowledge me when it’s just us inside the house, and sometimes I just wonder if you already had given up on us. On me?

Slowly, you were starting to feel like a handful of sand to me. The more I want to hold on to you, the more you slip away from my grasp.

That’s why when we’re together for events and functions I couldn’t help myself but to be selfish. I’m always so selfish when it came to you, did you know that? But can you blame me, Baekhyun? Can you really be mad at me because I’m clingy and needy towards you when we’re around everyone when we both know it is only during those times that you allow me to cling to you, to hold and touch you and to actually be with you? We live in the same house yet I feel like I lost my home.

I am selfish with you and there are days that I am so afraid that I might actually lose you. But at the end of the day, all I wish is for you to be happy.

Your Chanyeol.

Baekhyun was a sobbing mess now, his grip on his shirt just above his heart tightened significantly as he felt his chest ache with every word he read from Chanyeol’s letter. Every sentence managed to strike a chord inside his heart. Baekhyun’s down to the last letter and he doesn’t know why, but dread settles in his gut as he opened it.

Baekhyun,

As I write this letter my bags are packed and my indefinite leave from the company has been approved and I'm probably already boarding my plane while you read this.

I called your brother the other day and I asked how you were because I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, Baekhyun. But Sehun told me you weren't taking care of yourself and hearing that broke my heart.

Baekhyun, even with everything that has happened between us, from the day we really talked in the club up to now when we're apart, I have only wanted two things for you.

First, is for you to be healthy. That's why you should eat properly and healthily. I wish that despite the pain you're going through (and please know that I am not mad at you, okay?), you don't lose sight of your own well-being, because you getting sick and hurting is something I never want to happen.

Second, is that I wish nothing but your happiness. And maybe that's I'm writing this letter to you. I'm leaving today, Baekhyun. And I'm not leaving because I'm mad at you, no. I'm leaving because I'm a coward and I'm afraid.

Sometimes I think back on our marriage and wonder where everything started to fall apart for us. And then a dawning realization hit me.

That we started to break the moment we chose silence over our marriage.

We chose to ignore than to talk about the seams of our marriage that was starting to fray and that was something we had done wrong.

We should have communicated with nothing but honesty between us and maybe if we did, we wouldn't be in this situation right now.

And that's why I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't reach out as I should have. I'm sorry if I was afraid.

I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you wished me to be.

I'm sorry if I couldn't be a father of a child we do not have.

I'm sorry for wondering if you still love me because I am not what you had wished me to be.

I’ve been fighting these thoughts and insecurities for so long and sometimes I feel so tired of their weight on me.

I tried to be the strength you need, but now I wonder that I might not be what brings you strength anymore. What if I have become a part of what brings you frustrations and pain? I slowly felt like my presence was bringing you down to sink further and further into yourself.

And I was terrified of you voicing that out and confirming it to me.

Because even after everything, Baekhyun. I still only want you. And you telling me that I no longer make you happy and I'm no longer the person you need were the most devastating realization I had ever experienced in my life.

And I'm so sorry for that. I was terrified of losing you that I allowed my fears to outweigh my love for you and to see you truly be happy.

We aren't given any children yet and maybe it’s because we have minor complications, but it hasn’t happened for us not because we aren't fit to be parents but because it simply isn’t our time yet.

And if along the way, it won't still happen for us, I would always choose to remain by your side. Because I love you and I choose to love you every day. With or without a child. Because for me, children are inconsequential compared to my future with you. Because at the end of the day, I only want you and that I love you.

So fucking much, Baekhyun.

And I love you too much to see you being hurt. And if you choose to end things between us after everything, I promise you one thing:

That I will only love you more. I will love you more for walking away from me and choosing to be free of your burdens and be truly happy than I have loved you when we said our I Dos.

Be happy, Baekhyun. That's all I ask. And if along the way, you realize that it is not with me, then I shall set you free.

Chanyeol.

Baekhyun immediately rushed outside his room after reading the last of Chanyeol's letters. His heart was pounding loudly against his chest as he frantically looked for his brother, almost running in his search.

When one of their maids told him he last saw Sehun leaving, Baekhyun's heart almost stopped.

But still, he tried and ran outside with the smallest glimmer of hope. And so, when he saw Sehun leaning against his car while playing with his car keys, as if he was waiting for Baekhyun this whole time, the shorter male almost broke down in relief.

"Please, take me to him." Baekhyun said immediately when he stood in front of his brother, his eyes were pleading yet they were also firm and determined. Sehun smiled to himself but mostly he was smiling at the fire burning in Baekhyun's eyes.

"It's good to have you back, Hyung." Sehun said before ushering his brother inside the passenger seat.

***

Baekhyun rushes towards the airport, his head turning from left to right, breath ragged as his eyes were searching the area for a tall man with big ears while Sehun followed him around.

"Where is he?" He asked himself in a panicked and frustrated manner, grabbing at his stomach for he fears Chanyeol had already left.

Baekhyun was starting to panic as he kept walking around but there was no sign of his husband, he suddenly feels like throwing up. But Sehun suddenly grabs his arm and steers him to a different direction and as he turned around, he saw a familiar figure standing a few feet away from the line of people that are waiting to board the plane.

Baekhyun didn't hesitate as he runs towards his husband, shouting his name as he did. The COO immediately looked towards the voice that called him and his expression was that of shock and disbelief when he felt a small body hurl itself at him.

"Baekhyun? What are you doing here?" Chanyeol asked with wide eyes, he then looked over to the man standing a few feet away from where they stood with a look that matched his incredulity, but Sehun only gave him a small nod in return, as if to say: hear him out.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the shorter male sobbed, hugging his husband's waist tightly, hiding his face in his chest, "I'm so sorry, Chanyeol. I regret everything, please, I’m so sorry. You don’t know how much but please, please, please don't leave me."

"Baekhyun-" Chanyeol grabbed his shoulder, wanting to pull away and look at him. But it only made his smaller husband hold onto him tighter.

"Please, Chanyeol, don't leave me and let's talk." Baekhyun looks up pleadingly towards his husband, "I've wronged you so much and I don't deserve you and your precious heart, not in a hundred lifetimes. But I am asking you to forgive me and give me another chance to make things right."

Baekhyun was bawling now and people were starting to look their way but the two couldn't give a care.

"I love you so much, Chanyeol. I'm sorry I allowed myself to give in to my pain and insecurities. I'm sorry I treated you like the way I did, I'm sorry for accusing you of something you couldn't and wouldn’t do." Baekhyun clung to him, almost desperately, "I'm so sorry."

"I was mad at you, you know.” Chanyeol said after a moment, sighing heavily, “I was hurt more than anything when you said those things to me. I never felt so much anger towards you before, Baekhyun. And honestly it scared me that I felt that way. I don’t like the feeling of being angry at you."

Chanyeol didn't move or react for a few minutes and Baekhyun was starting to feel scared. He still had his face hidden in the taller’s chest and whose shirt was already wet with his tears, Baekhyun couldn’t see his expression and so he had no idea what his husband was thinking.

He was about to let go and apologize again when he suddenly felt a pair of strong arms around his waist, hugging him close.

The awareness of Chanyeol’s arms around him came gradually to him and it took Baekhyun a good few minutes to realize that Chanyeol was indeed holding him close, that his husband was real and he was hugging Baekhyun tightly. And that only made Baekhyun sob even more.

"Come with me." Chanyeol whispered into his ear.

"What?" Baekhyun asked in surprise, moving back a little to stare at his husband's handsome face.

"Come with me, let's leave everything here for a while," Chanyeol explained, his thumb brushing Baekhyun's cheek lovingly, "What do you say?"

"You're not mad at me?" He asked, confused.

"I am," Chanyeol admits with a chuckle, "But my love would always overpower the anger when it comes to you."

Chanyeol smiled at him and Baekhyun wailed. Literally cried like a toddler inside his husband's arms, clinging to him like he is his lifeline.

"Then, will you come with me?"

"Of course," Baekhyun replied, wiping his tears and snot away, "But... I've no clothes, no ticket, no passport, no anything with me."

"Not a problem." Sehun's voice suddenly came from behind him and Baekhyun turned around to see his brother holding out a ticket and a familiar looking passport. "Just buy your clothes at wherever he's taking you, and I’ll handle the things at the company."

"H-How...?" His adorably confused face made the two giants smile at him.

"Don't ask. Just go with your husband, okay?" Sehun said before kissing his forehead goodbye. "Give him the love he deserves."

"I will," Baekhyun promised, holding tightly onto Chanyeol's hand like a promise.

He gave his baby brother one last tight hug before going inside the plane with his husband.

***

Baekhyun's eyelids slowly flutter as he wakes up to the sound of a piano playing.

Today marks their fifth day at the small town where Chanyeol had whisked them away. Once they arrived at the airport, Chanyeol bought some clothes for his small and unprepared husband at a store near the airport before hailing a cab that lead them to a small beach house.

The two story beach house was simple as it was homey, it had fitted them just right. It had a small garden in front of the house that lead to a spacious living room that held a grand piano at a corner, the kitchen was wide and clean and already had some necessities inside the cupboards. There were three bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs, and a patio at the back of the house that showed a beautiful view of the ocean outside.

Upon seeing the scenery when he first arrived, Baekhyun felt his emotions well up and he couldn’t help cry. Chanyeol had shushed him quietly before guiding him to the room where Chanyeol had announced that they would share the bed for the first time after such a long time. His taller husband had said in a joking manner but Baekhyun saw the excitement his lover’s eyes that he was sure was reflected in his own.  They later on decided to go outside to buy more food for their stay after placing all their belongings inside the room, neatly.

The first few days they had spent together had been a little awkward, especially on their first night, but it was not uncomfortable. It was like they were back to six years ago when they were just getting to know each other. And Baekhyun found himself feeling more light and optimistic as the days went by. Truly, Chanyeol asking to leave him was a wakeup call for him to realize he should put his focus and energy on the here and now rather than cry over a future that wasn't even real in the first place.

And so for the past five days, he slowly feels himself mending the broken parts of himself, slowly accepting the things that aren’t his and simply learning to appreciate the ones that are. But what made things even better was that he had his husband with him, and Chanyeol also had him. They had each other. And for Baekhyun, it was enough to spend all his days together with just his tall husband by his side for a lifetime.

The beautiful melody continued to play and thus cutting off his reverie, and so he slowly stood up from his bed and crept towards the living room where the grand piano was placed. When he walked into the room, he saw his husband's back towards him, sitting in front of the piano as he played a tune that pulled at Baekhyun's heartstrings.

Without thinking, he walked towards Chanyeol and quietly sat beside him on the chair, his husband didn't even flinch when he felt the other's presence. He merely threw a smile at Baekhyun’s direction before continuing to play.

"It's a beautiful piece. What song is this?" Baekhyun asked with his eyes closed.

"It's by Yiruma."

"What's it called?"

"Love Me."

Baekhyun smiled wistfully. How fitting, he thought.

He leaned his head against Chanyeol's shoulder, it was one of the things had slowly developed between during the time they had spent together, Baekhyun easing himself to any physical affection he or Chanyeol wanted to initiate.

He lets himself be captivated by the beautiful melody that the taller was playing. He was so immersed in the song that he almost whined when Chanyeol played the last note with a flourish. He looked up towards his husband as he placed his chin on the taller’s broad shoulder, staring into the depths of his deep brown almond eyes.

Oh, how truly beautiful Chanyeol is.

"I love you." Baekhyun whispered, soft and so sincere. His tears were threatening to escape from his droopy eyes as he stared into Chanyeol's eyes that held nothing but fondness and love for him. "I'm so in love with you, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol’s smile was akin to relief. He stared at his husband as if he was seeing him for the first time. Like he was marveling and discovering something new and beautiful.

Ever so slowly, Chanyeol leans his face towards him and Baekhyun welcomes it. He closes his eyes and patiently waits until he felt a familiar pair of lips against his. The kiss was soft, bordering on innocent. And Baekhyun feels himself tearing up with how Chanyeol was treating him so carefully, so lovingly.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, my love." Baekhyun whispered after pulling away to breath, gasping a little, "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

"Shh," Chanyeol whispered against the skin of his flushed cheeks, "Let's not talk about that right now, okay?"

Baekhyun nods as his tears started to spill from his eyes, his lips searching for his husband's, his hands purchasing themselves on broad shoulders. Their kisses were no longer sweet and innocent by then, they had started to become more bold and needy. And before Baekhyun realized it, Chanyeol had lifted him up to move him on his lap.

They kissed with fervor and longing, clothes were slowly discarded as their hands wandered on each other’s bare skin.

"Chanyeol," Baekhyun moaned as the taller sucked on the junction between his neck and shoulder, where he was always so sensitive, his hands gripping the skin of his side and hip tightly, "Chanyeol, fuck."

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol looked straight into his eyes with love and lust, "Let me make love to you tonight."

Baekhyun made a sound between a sob and sigh, clutching at the taller's neck as he kissed him with passion, nodding his head vigorously as he chanted, "Yes. Yes, please. Please, Chanyeol."

The taller carried him in the direction of their shared bedroom, carefully laying the smaller down. The way Chanyeol held him and worshiped his body felt like the first time they ever did it.

Chanyeol held him with such gentleness and love, like he was discovering Baekhyun's body for the first time as he kissed him so sweetly that it made the shorter male cry. Baekhyun felt so loved and so full of contentment.

When Chanyeol carefully placed himself between his legs, Baekhyun felt light-headed with arousal. When he felt hands fondling his side and thigh, a pair of lips leaving marks on his neck and chest, Baekhyun could swear he would burst any moment.

How he missed this, missed Chanyeol. He missed his husband's touches, his kisses and his hands roaming on his bare skin. He missed making love to him.

He knew it was his fault why things changed between them, that they only had sex together because of his want to conceive and not because he had craved for his husband’s touch. He had forgotten how pleasurable it all felt.

That's why this time he let himself be captivated by his husband's ministrations, he allows himself to be inhibited by Chanyeol.

"You're so beautiful, Starlight," Chanyeol whispered against his ear, his breathing was ragged. He carefully placed a kiss on the smaller's cheek before reaching out to grab some lube inside the drawer. Baekhyun gave him a look, a brow raised, when he saw the unopened bottle.

"What?" Chanyeol chuckled, looking smug as he winked at the smaller, "I wanted to be prepared, just in case."

Baekhyun only rolled his eyes before pulling his husband close to him, kissing him torridly and making Chanyeol moan.

"Fuck, Baek," Chanyeol almost growled, "You taste so heavenly."

He felt the taller's slicked fingers probing at his entrance as he whispered sweet nothings to Baekhyun's ears, alternating kissing his lips and his neck to distract the smaller from the pain as he made scissoring motions with his fingers inside the tight hole.

“Shh,” Chanyeol whispered against his temple before kissing it, “Relax, Starlight, okay? I need to prep you right.”

Baekhyun nodded, trying to concentrate on the pleasure instead of the pain. It had been so long since they had last done it, and now he felt like his body was being torn in half. His nails made scratches on his husband’s back, digging them deep on his skin as he felt a sudden jolt of pleasure Chanyeol when hit his prostrate.

“Ah! Yeol!” Baekhyun moaned out loud.

Once he saw the smaller was prepped, Chanyeol positioned himself in front of the smaller's entrance. “Do you want me to use a condom?”

“No, please,” Baekhyun whispered, shaking his head slightly, his voice cracking at the last word, “I want to feel you.”

"Then, relax for me, Starlight." Chanyeol whispered, giving a loving peck on Baekhyun's forehead as he slowly slid inside the smaller, "I'll make you feel good."

Baekhyun gripped the muscled arms for purchase, nails sinking deep on the flesh as he tried to adjust to Chanyeol’s size inside of him. The taller wasn’t fully in yet, he was still slowly easing himself inside the tight hole but Baekhyun already feels so full.

“I forgot how big you are.” Baekhyun mutters under his breath, eyes shut tightly once Chanyeol had bottomed out. He heard the taller chuckle amusedly before he felt a soft peck on his cheek.

“Are you okay?” He heard Chanyeol asked, his tone was worried, “Does it still hurt?”

Baekhyun cracked one eye open and stared into his husband’s anxious gaze, and then he feels himself smiling widely, “No, I’m okay. You can move.”

The first thrust had the two of them moaning out loud, the pleasure was running through their veins like hot wildfire, making their skin burn at every touch they receive from each other. Chanyeol’s pace was slow and sweet, it had Baekhyun curling his toes at the sensation.

He could feel every fold of skin, every vein and every inch of the delicious cock against his walls. Baekhyun threw his head back against the pillows when Chanyeol had hit his prostrate.

“Oh god, there,” Baekhyun moaned wantonly, too lost in the pleasure and getting fucked well by his husband to care, “Chanyeol, please, harder.”

And Chanyeol did go harder, deeper. But his pace was still slow and Baekhyun was starting to get impatient. He grabbed his husband’s ass and pulled the taller roughly towards his body, the taller’s dick piercing him even deeper because of what he did, making him moan deliciously.

“Baekhyun, what-?” Chanyeol asked confused and surprise at what Baekhyun did, but the latter cut him off immediately.

“Yeol,” he looked at his husband with a knowing look, “I will not break.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened in surprised before he burst out laughing heartily, causing his small husband to slap him on the chest with a whine.

“You’re so adorable, I just want to gobble you up.”

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun whined again, his chest, neck , ears and face all turning bright red at his husband’s teasing.

“Fine, fine, fine,” Chanyeol chuckled against Baekhyun’s forehead, kissing his face all over, “I thought I should be gentle with you, it’s been awhile and I didn’t want you hurt.”

“I won’t get hurt,” Baekhyun smiled adoringly at the giant that had him caged in his arms, “Because you always take good care of me.”

“That I do,” Chanyeol smirked, kissing the shorter sweetly before suddenly manhandling him to be on all fours. Baekhyun made a surprised yelp at the sudden action.

“Then we’re doing this rough.” Chanyeol whispered against the shell of his ear, shoving his hard dick inside the smaller’s puckering hole swiftly. Baekhyun had wanted it rough, and Chanyeol would make sure to give him what he wanted. No, the taller vows his husband won’t be walking tomorrow after he’s done with him.

***

It’s been more than two months since and their days were spent of Baekhyun and Chanyeol visiting different places in town, creating a routine for the two of them, lounging around, doing dates and having tons of sex, like tons of it. The shorter likes to think that he and Chanyeol were slowly but surely opening themselves up to each other again, slowly trusting each other more and slowly returning to how they were used to before Baekhyun allowed his insecurities to eat him up.

Every night the two of them would talk about the past two years in their marriage, how things had changed between them. But mostly, it was Chanyeol asking Baekhyun what had been going on inside his mind the whole time. And Baekhyun, wanting nothing more than to fix what he did wrong, bared himself open to the taller.

The two of them would always talk about random things after rounds and rounds of making love, but more often than not, they talked about themselves and their issues.

Baekhyun confessed absolutely everything, from his deepest insecurities running through his mind to the pressure he felt from the people around them because of not being able to conceive a baby just yet, but mostly he talked about the pressure he gave to himself and how he projected the expectations of his desire of having a perfect family on himself and on Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was nothing but understanding, he was patient when Baekhyun told his stories and was sweet in pacifying him, but he also didn’t hold back on telling Baekhyun on what he did wrong and openly admitting how hurt he had been because of Baekhyun’s actions. The two of them talked and talked until dawn or until Baekhyun would fall asleep listening to his husband’s deep and comforting voice. And that exact same voice that was waking him up at the moment.

“Wake up, sleepy head,” Baekhyun could feel the rumble of his husband’s voice against the crook of his neck where the latter was busy nuzzling himself, “You’ve been so sleepy for the past few days, huh?”

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, “And whose fault is that exactly?”

But Chanyeol only gave him an impish grin before pulling him up, their covers slipping away from his very naked and very well marked body. His pale skin was littered by bluish bruises and love bites courtesy of his tall husband. Not that Baekhyun was complaining, he loved his husband marking his skin and claiming him as his.

“Come on, now,” Chanyeol tugged him towards the bathroom, “Didn’t you say you wanted to donate blood today?”

That was true. A few days ago, the two of them had been walking home from grocery shopping when they spotted a young man outside the store giving out flyers, he was asking help in finding a Type O positive blood donor for his mother who had been in an accident and Baekhyun was so moved that he went ahead and volunteered.

The young man had cried and thanked him when he had said that, he had given directions to the couple that Baekhyun had to be screened first before actually donating. And that’s where they were going today.

“Mister Baekhyun! Mister Chanyeol!” the young man from before, Jungwoo, waved at them before running towards their direction when he saw them walking inside the facility.

“Thank you for coming!” Jungwoo said, teary-eyed as he hugged Baekhyun tightly, “Even if you don’t pass the screening I’m still thankful that you wanted to help me and my mom.”

“It’s no problem,” Baekhyun smiled kindly at him, “Your mom will be fine, okay?”

Jungwoo nods before guiding Baekhyun to Sooyoung, one the staffs at the facility. He was asked about numerous things, such as: was he a carrier? Does he smoke? Did he do drugs? All the basics they needed were asked by Sooyoung who had a professional tone paired with a kind smile.

His blood was then drawn afterwards for some basic tests and his weight was also checked before he was asked to wait for a few minutes.

Baekhyun had been sitting beside Chanyeol, chatting with the latter about what they would be having for dinner later when Sooyoung called his name.

“Mr. Parks, please take a seat,” Sooyoung said, pointing at the two chairs in front of her table, “First off, I want to say thank you for wanting to help Jungwoo. He’s a friend of mine and I am also very thankful for you coming here and wanting to donate and help his mom.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Baekhyun said with a smile.

Sooyoung returned that smile before her expression turned serious, she looked down and stared at the papers in front of her, “Mr. Park as much as I want you to help us, I am afraid you can’t. You are deferred to be a donor.”

“Is he okay?” Chanyeol asked immediately, he worriedly gazed at his husband who let out a shocked gasped, “Why was he deferred?”

“Oh no! He’s completely healthy!” Sooyoung explained immediately with a shy smile as her hands waved frantically, “Mr. Park, your husband is healthy, please don’t worry.”

“Then why am I not qualified to donate?” Baekhyun asked with an adorable cock of his head.

“Oh, we don’t allow pregnant carriers to donate, Mr. Park,” Sooyoung explained kindly, not realizing the weight of her explanation, “That would be bad for you and your baby.”

Complete, utter silence soon followed.

“Err… Mr. Parks….?” Sooyoung asked carefully, seeing the two husbands looking dumbfounded.

“What did you just say?” Baekhyun asked almost breathlessly, his eyes were wild in their disbelief but also glistening with hope.

Sooyoung stared at the two before realization dawned upon her. She took a piece of paper from the table and handed it over to the expecting carried with a soft smile on her face.

"Are you serious?" Baekhyun asked again, one hand clutching at his mouth, the other was reaching out towards his husband who looked like he turned into stone, the shorter was staring at the paper but nothing was sinking in.

Sooyoung giggled before standing up from her chair, and walking around her table. She stood in front of the obviously shocked couple.

"Our hospital is just a few blocks from here, do you want me to call and schedule an appointment with our Obstetrician for you?" Her smile was kind, her eyes shone with excitement for the two, "And don't worry about not donating, Jungwoo is already grateful that you wanted to help."

“So this is real?” Chanyeol whispered, still in an obvious daze, his hand was tight around Baekhyun’s.

“We perform tests before allowing anyone to donate, and for the case of carriers we perform pregnancy tests as protocol,” she then points to a word that had Baekhyun bawling, the bold word: POSITIVE was glaring at him against the white paper. “And here it says you’re pregnant. Congratulations, Mr. Park.”

after

Baekhyun lounged at the sofa with his eyes closed because his body was tired and his feet were aching. The carrier who was heavily pregnant in his fifth month wanted to rest his feet after going about his day.

"Starlight," he heard Chanyeol's voice from somewhere and it immediately made Baekhyun smile.

When he felt a dip on the sofa beside him, he opened his eyes and was met with a pair of almond eyes that screamed nothing but concern and joy.

It made Baekhyun chuckle.

"Are your feet aching again, hm?" Chanyeol moved the smaller's feet to his lap and started massaging the aching muscles.

"That feels so wonderful," Baekhyun sighed, loving the feeling of his husband's hands relieving the pain on his swollen feet, "Thank you, love."

"Were the little demons nice to you today?" Chanyeol asked.

"Which pair of little demons exactly?" Baekhyun asked with a chuckle, "The ones in here?" He points to his baby bump, "Or the ones sleeping inside our room because they got too tired from playing?"

Chanyeol laughed at that, "Both, I guess."

"Well..." Baekhyun starts, patting his stomach for emphasis, "The ones in here were actually little angels today. They were really well-behaved, they barely moved and didn't kick my ribs today at all."

"Ah, my sweet babies," Chanyeol leaned down and kissed the bump affectionately, “Don't hurt Papa in there, okay? He cries when you kick him too much, hm? We don't want Papa hurting or crying now do we?"

Baekhyun loved this, it still makes him emotional and giddy every time he sees Chanyeol like this. The carrier happily listened to his husband talking to their unborn twins with a soft and content smile on his lips.

Oh, that's right, Baekhyun was pregnant with twins. Again.

It had been almost four years ago when Baekhyun had been told that he was pregnant after wanting to donate his blood to help Jungwoo's mother, who had successfully recovered after her operation. Baekhyun and Chanyeol had anonymously donated financial help for Jungwoo shortly after they had found out about Baekhyun's pregnancy.

The news undoubtedly had shocked the two to their core but once they had absorbed all of it, the two expecting parents were nothing but absolutely elated. Chanyeol had immediately taken Baekhyun to the hospital Sooyoung had told them about. She was also kind enough to have given them an appointment with a friend of hers, Dr. Bae Joohyun.

Dr. Bae was very understanding as she was strict about Baekhyun's pregnancy, saying he was absolutely not allowed to stress and overwork himself because his pregnancy was sensitive. She was so meticulous with the dos and don’ts on his pregnancy, but was always sweet when helping Baekhyun out. The pregnant man had been very comfortable in her presence and had trusted her immensely that he had asked Chanyeol to take Dr. Bae as their official Obstetrician, and luckily for them, Joohyun had a clinic in the city, too.

And when the couple had decided to visit their home, Baekhyun had announced his decision to step down as CEO from the company, handing his position over to his younger brother, Sehun.

He had wanted to become a full time Papa to his babies and a full time husband to Chanyeol. He wanted to devout all his time to his family and he didn't want to miss a single milestone in their lives. Chanyeol on the other hand, remained as the COO of the company, but was still on his indefinite leave until Baekhyun gave birth. The two of them had opted to stay in the small town, saying the life there would be more compatible for Baekhyun and his sensitive pregnancy compared to the busy hustle-bustle of the city.

The two of them didn't tell their families immediately about the news of the pregnancy, however. The soon-to-be-parents wanted to savor the miracle for themselves for a little while longer. But that was until Sehun had given them a surprise visit. Baekhyun had been almost three months pregnant when his little brother had yelled for them outside their home. The shorter had been too excited to see his baby brother that he had forgotten to cover his bump.

To say Sehun looked like a goldfish with his mouth agape in shock wasn't far from the truth. Too bad Chanyeol hadn't seen it because he had been out grocery shopping for Baekhyun's (weird) cravings.

Baekhyun defends cereal with strawberry ice cream is not weird.

"Y-You're..." The taller Byun dumbly points to the obvious bump.

"Sehunnie..." Baekhyun realized what his brother was going on about and he immediately turned red.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sehun pouted like a child who wasn't in on a secret.

"We planned to tell everyone when we visit next week," Baekhyun explained, "We wanted to savor it for a little while longer, just the two of us, you know?"

And Sehun did know, he understood like he always did. He gave his brother a tight hug, his eyes moistening.

"I can't believe you're having a baby."

"Babies." Baekhyun corrects with a proud smile.

"What?" Sehun pulled away from the hug to gape at his brother some more. "Twins?"

Baekhyun nods and Sehun pulls him into another embrace.

"I'm so happy for you, Hyung." Sehun had whispered, voice thick with emotion, "You deserve this -  this happiness."

And when the couple did break the news to their family, they had been pulled into warm and tight hugs. The room had been filled with sincere congratulations and happy tears.

Baekhyun couldn't ask for more.

Baekhyun was almost near his due date when he had asked his husband about baby names. The two of them had agreed it would be Chanyeol to name their babies because the former realized he was terrible at making names.

"I'll name them once we meet them." Chanyeol had answered, tucking the pregnant man under his chin.

"Why name them by then?" The smaller curiously wondered but not really against the idea.

"It's a surprise..."

It was truly a surprise, because the couple had opted to not know the genders of their twins during one of their scheduled check-ups.

And so when the time had come, Baekhyun gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, followed by a really loud crying baby boy. It made it all the more special for the two.

Baekhyun held his son for the first time and he couldn't stop his tears, he kissed the small human being in his arms and felt an overwhelming amount of love surge through him. Same goes for the beauty that was sleeping soundly in Chanyeol's arms.

They were absolutely perfect.

"So what are their names, then?"

"Hmmm, this is Hanbyul." Chanyeol said, snuggling the sleeping baby in his arms towards his chest. "It means Big Star, because she's the big sister who will always be there for her baby brother. The big star who we will always be thankful of seeing every time."

"That's beautiful, Yeol... " Baekhyun said, sniffling. "And him? What's his name?"

"Hwanbyul," was the giant father's immediate reply, "It means Bright Star, because he will protect his sister in times when we cannot. He will be the bright star that will remind us of good things in our dark nights."

Baekhyun was bawling by then. The names were perfect, their twins were perfect, Chanyeol was perfect. Everything was so perfect and it was so overwhelming for him.

"Are you happy?" Chanyeol asked, kissing his sweaty forehead.

"I am more than happy, Yeol," the smaller said in between his sobs, "I can't explain how happy I am. I love you, I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Starlight."

"Papa!!!"

"Daddy!!!"

The two were then interrupted by a pair of toddlers who apparently just woke up from their nap, running towards them and screaming their names.

Chanyeol caught his two babies inside his arms, making sure their fussy bodies didn't hit their Papa's bump.

The two resembled each other greatly, and they were absolutely beautiful in their parents' eyes. They had Chanyeol's wide almond eyes, his ears that always stuck out and his plump lips. Their milky skin and button nose, though, were obviously from Baekhyun.

"Well, if it isn't my little devils," Chanyeol teased, blowing raspberries on his children's stomachs. "Were you two well behaved for Papa today?"

"Yes! Yes!" Hanbyul said, "I made milk for Papa and babies!"

"I helped!" Hwanbyul added, wanting his parents' approval, too.

"That's amazing, you two." Chanyeol said, gathering the two and placing each twin on his thigh, "My sweet babies, I'm so proud."

"Daddy, Papa said babies no names?" Hwanbyul asked his giant father, pouting cutely.

Baekhyun smirked at the taller. His husband had wanted to name their current unborn twins when they are born, just like what he did to the two older twins sitting on his lap, pestering him for names.

"They have names, my love." Chanyeol said, smiling widely at his son.

"What names, Daddy?" Hanbyul was pouting, "Tell me!"

"Ah, I can't tell you yet, my lovely," Chanyeol said, winking at his husband when their baby girl started to complain, "It's a surprise..."

Everything was truly a surprise for them. Who would have known they'd be blessed with another set of twins after almost four years? Surely not them. But they're more than happy and grateful nonetheless.

And as Baekhyun stared at his husband trying to appease their children by singing them a song and promising to take them out tomorrow, Baekhyun couldn't ask for more.

Happiness and contentment filled his being as he leaned back on the sofa, hands patting his bump. The twins were starting to kick and turn inside of him but Baekhyun didn't mind, because it meant the babies were healthy and active.

"Hey, love," Baekhyun called for his husband softly, their children were too engrossed with the toys their Daddy had bought for them to notice.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Chanyeol chuckled, eyes turning into crescents. "Love you, too, Starlight."

"Thank you," Baekhyun reached out to hold his hand, "For not giving up on me."

"Of course," Chanyeol's smile was full of understanding and recklessly steadfast love, "I will always hold on to you, Starlight."

And he did. They both did.