Work Text:
He was working at his computer again.
by the time I woke that morning, he was still sitting there, working.
-
I had known that he had gotten a late night in when Jamie had come home rather messier than normal. Daffy and Putunia had trailed in before him, giving me a few moments to greet them with a smile and open arms
"Hello my littol flowerz!" with a laugh, i crouched down so i could scoop both of them up towards me. it wasn't hard, after all! they weighed just about as much as me! not much more then a bag of grapes.
"Heya Pops!" Putunia grinned at me, patting her boxing glove gently against my cheek in greeting, before she wrapped her tiny arms around me. in the beginning, her shows of affection with the glove had made me nervous... okay, MORE than nervous. but this time i didn't wince! and i didn't cry either! simply put i smiled and felt her head against my cheek, turning my gaze to Daffy instead "Hullo littol heroz! what have u been 'up' 2 4 2-day?"
small but practiced hands began to sign, but Putunia was answering in time with Daffy "we played around at the park! cowboys and train robbers! I was one of the cowboys stopping the bad guys, along with my side kick here!" with a gloved hand, she'd gestured to Daffy, who seemed to giggle and do the 'oh stop' hand gesture
with a humming giggle of my own, I stepped closer to the door, looking curiously for the care-taker who should've been with them. since I had some work to catch up on for the floral shop, I hadn't been able to take the kids out to play with the others. but Jamie had volunteered, oddly enough.
and perhaps it wasn't so much odd because he didn't like the kids. on the contrary, it had seemed like he had warmed up to what he considered calling the 'puppy pack' and had been quite fond of spending time with them. it was the theory of some of the others (Mostly Kamal and Tiff) that he had just been afraid of being around kids, not knowing how to act with them.
with this, i could sympathize. i was usually called 'out dated' when ever interacting with any one under my age.
so that was every one.
but! to the point! it was more odd because it had been the middle of the day. night cryptid as he was, i figured an exhausted one he would be. and sure enough sitting on the porch bench was just that. Jamie lay with his arms on the back part of the bench, head leaning against the house frame and looking rather ragged. oh dear.
the rest of the night, i decided to help out with the kids. eventually Jamie did come in, but i could see the tiredness in his slow movements and words. thankfully the children were easily distracted with coloring time, something i quite enjoyed engaging with them on. it gave Jamie a chance to rest, taking his seat on the couch near to us, and more importantly gave time for us to work on our projects! the kids and I were determined to fill as much of the walls of this home with art pieces as we could. even some of the others had donated pieces from time to time! and of course, some of Jamie's pieces would be snuck up onto the walls, despite his shyness of the act.
but he never took them down, so i knew that he liked it.
-
one of those pieces i was currently glancing at, coming down the stairs. the works we typically hung up were his paintings, along with some of his sketches. one was of a deep forest with multi colored trees and a sandbox. he had said it was fairly personal, pertaining to family that he didn't want to explain in depth...and I could understand that. it was such a beautiful drawing however, Dallas had said 'you can really feel the feeling of it' or something along the lines of that.
looking at it, it felt...lonely. which is where i found myself now.
standing in the living room, the light of the morning sun streaming through the sunlight, Jamie was sitting at the couch with a laptop. there was a few computers in this house hold. there was mine, the family computer, the three computers and two laptops Jamie had brought, and Daffy's laptop. quite the many! and it seemed like he was currently working on one of his personal one.
it was roughly 6 in the morning. the sound of the birds outside the windows on the feeders was a welcomed song as i made my way across the wooden and rugged floor. it hardly creaked beneath me as i came behind the couch and looked down at the cryptid. sprawled out on his side, tip-tap-typing away at his keys, he seemed to be working on some kind of writing, but it wasn't anything i could make out from over his shoulder.
"Guud Mornimg" i greeted softly, trying not to smile when he jerked a bit and looked up at me. wide eyed and bags underneath them, he gave a quiet wheeze and settled back into the couch
"Oh, hey Boris...sorry i uh..." gesturing to the laptop, he'd pull the blanket further over himself "...i got caught up"
"Did u?" humming lightly, i moved around the couch and plopped down beside him, running my fingers through his hair gently. the action had him leaning into my hand, and i felt my own expression soften at the gesture. while he was certainly one of the heavier ones in this household, that didn't mean i couldn't support the weight of his head in my palm. my fingers carefully rested under his jaw and cupped his skull, like a cup. still though, my thumb brushed through his hair as best as i was able, massaging him gently as i watched heavy, sleepy eyes droop. "I 'see' no net. how did u get caught?"
"mmmm..."
"Jamee?"
"mmmrr.." his eyes opened again, but there was a different exhaustion that clung to them now. he lifted his head away from my hand, and turned his attention back to the screen "I read something...and i was uhh..doing some research...for a reply" i noticed him rub at his arm lightly, the change in his tone catching my attention
"what did u read..?" concerned, i placed my hand back on his head, this time running long and careful fingers through his curls. his hair was incredibly soft and fluffy, especially after he showered. but despite just enjoying the act of doing it, i knew how much it calmed him. already i could see the tense angle of his shoulders slumping, and the hollow expression of his eyes shifting into something gentler...albeit sadder.
"i was checking up the website. I know we have people keeping it up to date and stuff now, and like...it's not our job... but I like to check on it from time to time. make sure the old place is doing well" he'd scratch at his jaw lightly, moving his hand to the side of his head and down his neck. it made me pause my petting, shifting my hand away as i watched him. his actions were...uncomfortable, and i couldn't exactly tell why. not always the best with body language, i waited for him to continue.
when he did, i had to prompt
"is it? doimg well that is" true, i still got updates about the old Habitat from time to time. the reconstruction was still under way, and the rebuilding was and would take a while. but from what i had heard, it was doing very well! so...what about this was Jamie fretting over?
"yeah it..it is. it has people already applying for help at the new one...and just..." tapping on the keyboard, the movement of the screen drew my eyes towards it, and towards a highlighted comment it seemed had caught his eye
'is this place good with self harm? i want to move past it, and find a way to get rid of the scars i have. i don't want to be reminded of my weakness and failure every waking hour.'
I couldn't help how my brows furrowed at that. the wording was...well, harsh. i could understand it, sure...but still. "Hmmm hmm mm...that person sounds very frownie. I hope they get the help they 'need'"
"....it's not weakness"
blinking, i turned my attention back to Jamie, who was staring at the screen with an expression I had seen quite a few times. his eyes looked far away, and his thumb was rubbing on the underneath of his arm...
"..it's not weakness to self harm, i mean. I...that's why i got caught up. i was going to reply to them, tell them the new place will help with that if they want...but..." he paused, his ears going flat against his head and hair as he sighed "...it's not weak to harm yourself. it's just another way of a cry for help, and your scars aren't....they aren't failures..."
...oh, i could see now.
frowning lightly, i shifted closer on the couch closer to him, gently offering my hand first. the first few touches i had done out of habit (hehe) but... now this was an ask. did he want comfort? to be touched?
when he placed his own in my hand, i knew the answer was yes. i could hear his tired, shaky breath as he leaned into me. carefully, i brought my right arm around him, keeping his left in my own as i tucked him close to my side. self harm was no stranger in this house. not for Jamie, and not for me.
it took many different forms. and in Jamie's case, it took the form of cuts and bite marks that littered his arms. some were in patterns, while others were not. but the little light streaks were hard to miss when you knew they were there. especially right now, given how red his arm looked...he must have been picking and fiddling with them for a while.
my self harm didn't match the same as Jamie's, but had become quite detrimental, near dangerous. isolation and not eating for days on end...it took a while to get back into a pattern of eating what was healthy and normal for a individual my size. and Jamie had been there every step of the way, helping to get me back on track. supporting me and loving me, even at my worst.
so with a gentle hum, i pressed my head into his curls, my voice soft and deep "...it is not weak. they need help, and they 'will' get it. but their scars are not 'failures. and neither are urs" slipping my hand over their right arm, i brushed my thumb gently on the underside. the scarred pads of my finger tips were gentle on the scarred underbelly of their forearm. as gentle as i was with flower petals and roots. but firm, as i pushed away his picky, scratching nails.
"U r a work of art. damaged, but repaired" i brushed my thumb over a particularly noticeable scar, one that i knew he had mixed feelings about "...u r like em-broy-dery. ever-ree stitch shows ur recover-ree and growth"
sniffling for a moment, then giving a soft laugh, he looked up at me through his own curls and my own "embroidery, huh? do i at least say 'home sweet home' or something?"
"mmmm more liek 'lair sweet lair'" I teased, brushing my nose against his own with a smile, which only grew wider when i saw his cheeks flush with color
"wow, sounds like something Trencil would actually like. am i a colorful one then? do i have nice patterns?" his eyes falling to his arms, i held them lovingly in my own. our lines and scars didn't fully match up, but there was something...comfortable in this moment. in this moment where i held his arms and he allowed for my fingers to brush across his scars. in this moment where he'd slip his hands into my own and run his own fingers on my scarred hands. it was vulnerability on a level that required no real words or communication
scars were on both of us, and we could marvel at each other's strength
"I thimk so ,yes" my voice was soft, resting my head against his as i felt him tracing little designs into my hands. it was Jamie's turn this time to hum, giving a soft pleased noise at my response
"...thank you.." with a little movement of his head, he'd place a kiss first on my nose, then my lips, catching me off guard with his sneak attack affection, further more with the sincere and gentle look on his face "...some times i just need to hear that..."
":////-O U r welcom..." blushing, and feeling a little more lighter in this moment, my surprised expression turned into playful "but I thimk I need more of 'those'"
"wait, Boris-"
"neeeed keeeeseeees"
"Booorriiis we have morning bReATH-"
"MWAH~<3"