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« Will you let our souls dance together? Gold and blue meeting each other and discovering our essence for the better?
—Only if you promise that it’ll last forever. »
Kenma is thirteen years old, and he still doesn’t understand how adults can be so inclined to follow destiny. He has always believed that since he is able to make choices in life, it is because he has the power to change fate into the way he wants it to be. So having a significant other bound to you since birth, that you are supposed to love until the day you die, and then even more? Not for him, thank you very much.
What if the universe decides to pair him up with someone mean and loud? What if he is bound to someone that he doesn’t like? Worse, what if he ends up liking his soulmate’s presence, but they end up hating him? He can’t be the only one to think that would be a tragedy. So he wants to choose his friends, he wants to be able to decide by himself who he wants to have a strong bond with. Not the universe, not magic; him.
“That’s not how it works, Kenma,” His mother tells him, slowly pouring water on the crystals. She smiles at him fondly, and passes her hand through his hair. Kenma recoils, frowning, reminding her that he is not five anymore. She sighs. “A soulmate is the perfect person for you. They will be exactly what you need in your life, whether you want them by your side or not.”
Kenma pouts, sorting the crystals with a bit more violence than intended. “I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone. And if I ever want someone alongside me, I want to choose who.”
His mother hums, nodding. “Be more gentle,” She says, looking at his hands. Kenma sighs, and proceeds to treat the crystals more tenderly. She pauses for a moment, tilting her head at him. “You will choose your soulmate, you’ll see.”
“How do I even know who they are?” Kenma asks, closing one bag carefully and posing it to his right, where all the future deliveries are already good to ship.
“I can teach you how, if you want?”
Kenma considers it. Truly, he doesn’t want to know who his soulmate could be. He is happy with the people in his life and is not ready to change that. But thinking about it, knowing who his soulmate is will allow him to stay away from them forever. He would know who they are, and would take particular care to avoid them for the rest of his life.
He finds himself in his mother’s special room at her shop a few weeks after, sitting on the ground next to one of his friends, Lev. Kenma doesn’t know what his friend is doing here. At school earlier, Lev had asked him if he wanted to play with him, and Kenma unfortunately let slip that he had lithotherapy lessons with his mother. So of course, Lev followed him, fascinated as to what lithotherapy lessons entailed, and now, he is sitting so close their knees are touching.
“Now, do you remember what I told you about your crystal?” She asks, crossing her legs and waiting patiently for an answer.
Kenma nods, bringing his hand to the collar around his neck, pulling on the blue crystal. “Yes. Every person has been given a crystal at birth, corresponding to their needs and personality.” The mineral is solidly tied to a cord, that they can’t cut or get rid off, even with magic. They are born with it and will die with it. “The crystal is here to hold our energy, refraining us to use our full capacity while practising magic, to prevent any harm.”
Kenma learned this when he was still a child, curious about his parents’ job and the little jewel around his neck. Since then, he has learned about all the types of crystal and their benefits, even helping his parents in the shop.
“That’s so cool!” Lev chirps at his side, smiling widely. Kenma refrains himself from scrunching his nose, turning around to look at the tall boy. “Kenma-san, how do you know all of this already?”
This time, Kenma can’t help it, he wrinkles his nose. “This is basic knowledge, Lev.”
His mother laughs slightly. “It’s okay Lev, there are different kinds of magic in the world. You can’t possibly know and have an affinity for all of them. Aren’t your parents the owner of that beautiful coffee herbal shop in town?”
Lev nods happily, smiling. “Yes! I know a lot of things about herbs. I could teach you one day if you’d like!”
Kenma rolls his eyes and his mother laughs again, nodding. “I’ll be glad to. For now, listen closely to the lesson!” Lev sits straight, eyes wide. “Kenma, do you remember the name of your mineral?”
“Labradorite,” Kenma says without hesitation. He has been learning about his own crystal for years, searching the rarest and secret information about it, wanting to know how much power he actually has. He knows his crystal by heart by now.
“Oh, can you tell me what mine is?” Lev asks, pulling his crystal from under his shirt and displaying it proudly.
Kenma approaches him, squinting. He presses a hand on the black mineral, and turns to his mother, questioning.
“Is it an onyx?”
His mother smiles at him and nods, and Kenma sits back properly, proud of him. Lev whistles at his side, as if the secret of his crystal has been shared with him even though Kenma is sure that he still knows nothing about it.
“Your crystal contains your most powerful energy. An energy so grand and bright that using it could harm you in very serious ways. This is why finding your soulmate thanks to mineral affinity can be dangerous.” Both teenagers are hooked to her words, and Kenma's heart is beating fast at the only knowledge that he could be way more than who he is at the moment. “To find your soulmate, you have to release that power. Your energy will follow the one it is bound to, leading you to your own soulmate, attracted by the energy of your soulmate’s crystal.”
“How do you do that?” Lev almost screams, getting up on his knees. Kenma doesn’t even scold him for the sudden noise, too eager to know the answer.
His mother laughs, waving a hand at them. “It takes years to learn Lev-kun!” Disappointment showers upon their faces. “We have to have a particular affinity with crystals, to be able to go against its will to protect you. It can take months for the most gifted of us, and years for people that never tried learning minerals.”
Kenma has hoped it would be easier, or at least, shorter. He doesn’t want to put too much effort into finding his soulmate. But he also has that will at the front of his heart, to be strong enough to defeat fate - just strong enough to be able to choose his own life, and live like he wants to. He is a player, and fate is the final boss that Kenma dreams to defeat one day.
And so, he works. He exercises every day with his mother, and goes to bookstores and shops to learn more about magic. He listens to his father explaining to him how many mages succeeded in finding their soulmates that way, and how some others got hurt trying to let out their full potential. Kenma is fine though, he doesn’t want to release his full potential, he wants just enough to find his soulmate, just enough to guarantee him that no one will decide on his life but him.
He doesn’t want any more friends than the ones he has. Lev is trying enough, and Fukanaga is funny and kind enough to listen to him when he needs. He has his parents, and even though they annoy him sometimes, are still people he knows he can count on. He doesn’t need anyone else. He doesn’t want to know about love, about dates, about anything of the sorts. He’s fine by himself.
It takes him six months to finally be able to see a real change. He is able to extrapolate his energy from his crystal into a diffused form, like a spectre or smoke. It’s almost transparent, barely there - but moves around the house before leaving it. Kenma is ecstatic, he runs behind it, eyes wide, impressed. His heart is beating fast in anticipation in his chest as he follows the spectre. But he barely has the time to take five steps outside the house before it dissipates.
Kenma then has a strong headache for two days, unable to get up from his bed. His fever is atrocious and he can’t help but cry and whimper as pain shoots through his head. His parents try to help him with crystal energy and potions, but it barely does the work, and Kenma falls unconscious for three more days.
When he wakes up, his parents try to dissuade him. They force him to go easy, telling him that he is still too young to go that far, that he has time in front of him to learn. But as soon as he gets better, he continues. He’s more careful though. In front of his parents, he goes easy, but then he practices more at night, under the blankets with a small lamp torch on.
And two months later, a small owl appears from his crystal, still a bit transparent, slightly yellow. The owl is fluffy, as round as a ball, with small wings flapping around. He is flying around the room, and Kenma watches it, mesmerized. It’s really cute and pretty, and Kenma wants nothing but to touch it. The spectre of the owl continues to fly around, until Kenma’s mother tells him to stop, and Kenma concentrates to make him disappear. He turns around to look at his mother, nodding to tell her that it had finally appeared in a full form and she smiles at him proudly, tears in her eyes.
At night, Kenma finds himself pulling his energy out of the crystal again, just to see the owl flying around. Warmth spreads over his body, as he can’t help but admire the tuft of feathers, flying without a sound, with an incomparable beauty. The more he makes the spectre appear, the more the yellow transforms itself into gold, and soon enough, there’s a whole golden owl flying around the house, ready to show him where his soulmate is.
One day, after school, Kenma lies to his mother, telling her that he was going to Lev's in the afternoon to play. But the moment he gets out of school, hidden in a corner of a street, Kenma transforms his energy into an owl once again. The small ball of feather seems to be happy as he twirls fast in the air. Kenma barely has the time to smile before the owl flies away. Surprised, Kenma hisses, running behind him. He follows the spectre down the streets, almost losing it several times. His heart is beating fast, both in excitement and in effort, and his breath is erratic, sweat dripping on his temple. He shouldn’t have slacked sports in school.
He stops to a halt when he sees the owl stopping in front of a magic bookstore, turning to him and flying in a circle, waiting for him.
“You could have waited for me since the beginning,” Kenma retorts, out of breath, not even sure the owl can understand him.
Kenma takes a few breaths before opening the door, and the owl gets inside before him. He quickly looks around. Kenma is familiar with this store. He has already come here multiple times with his mother, searching for ancient books about minerals and planets. He looks up to the owl, still flying in circles. He follows him through the shelves, trying not to look up too much so he doesn’t raise suspicions.
Kenma stops when the owl stops spinning around, flying almost immobile over a boy’s head. Then, slowly, the owl flies down, and settles himself on the boy’s shoulder. Funnily enough, the boy looks exactly like the owl; two toned hair, styled as if it wanted to touch the sky, a bright smile, similar to the owl’s energy and two round, golden eyes. The same color as the owl that fades into smoke on his shoulder. He turns to Kenma, smiling at him.
“Hello there! Is there anything I can help you with?”
_______
Bokuto is fourteen years old, and he still doesn’t understand how adults can be so inclined to wait for their destiny. ‘You’ll meet them with time’ his mother says, ‘You’re too young to know’ his grandfather affirms, ‘Maybe in a few years’ his father acquiesces. It’s easy to say for them, they have already met their soulmates. But for him, waiting for the person he would love the most in the world takes too long.
Bokuto is eager. He wants to share his life with his soulmate, and the sooner the better. He wants to have that friend at his side who will always play with him, who will be excited about what he is excited about, who will always listen to him and help him. He wants to know about his soulmate’s life. He wants to share their interests and meet their family. He wants to help them too, talk to them for hours and share tight hugs.
He thinks the sooner he meets his soulmate, the more time they have to spend together, the more they will grow into knowing the other, and the happiest Bokuto will be. Don’t get him wrong, Bokuto loves the people he already has in his life, and the majority of things he will be able to do with his soulmate, he already does with his friends and family. But still, with his soulmate, it would be special, with his soulmate, he would share a bond even more important than blood.
“You’re just too obsessed,” Kuroo says one day, as they help Bokuto’s mother organize the books. “You’re gonna scare them away if you continue,” He jokes, his obnoxious laugh echoing in the shop. He earns a few glares from customers.
Bokuto sends a book flying at him but Kuroo catches it easily. “I am not.” He pouts, frowning. “At least, they will be happy to know I’ve been waiting for them. Yours will just leave you when they’ll know that you don’t care.”
Kuroo snorts, sitting on a table and opening a book, turning the pages and scanning them quickly. “I do care. I’m just not obsessed.” He posed the book behind him on a small pile.
“Stop stealing books.” Bokuto eyes him, but Kuroo ignores it. “This is why my mother doesn’t like you.”
“Your mother adores me, thank you very much,” Kuroo retorts, and he’s right. “And I’m not stealing them. This one seems cool. I’m going to borrow it.”
Bokuto snorts, rolling his eyes. “Nerd.” He takes a huge pile of books, groaning a bit, and disappears behind a bookshelf as Kuroo shouts, earning him more glares:
“At least I’m not a stalker.”
Bokuto is not a stalker. First, because he doesn’t even know who his soulmate is. And second, well, just because he doesn’t know his soulmate yet. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know. He has tried numerous times to look over soulmates books, searching for a way to reveal the mystery. But everything he read about it seemed dangerous and painful. Even more than that, the power of soulmates resides in crystal magic, and he is just a lowly mage whose affinities are herbals and potions.
He is good at it though. He has learned with his grandmother since he was little, and could cure genetic diseases. He isn’t good enough to cure magic diseases, but still, he will get there someday. So he has no other choice than to wait for time to introduce his soulmate. It could take a while.
The only way to be sure that two souls are bound to be together is to go to a crystal mage. They will analyse the chemistry between the crystals, and decide for their fate. But this isn’t some cheap seance that everybody could ask for everytime they would think their partner is the right one. The prices are high, and most of the time the service isn’t paid with money, but with another service of magic that could benefit the mage. Most people live with their partner, not sure that they are with their soulmate, and with no way to find it. Some people are okay with that, but not Bokuto.
Hence why he wants to learn more about his own magic. Being able to reverse a curse, or cure a magic disease isn’t something every mage could do. He is sure that this would be enough to pay a crystal mage one day, and this will allow him and the person he will love the most to verify that they are soulmates. And Bokuto is determined for his life to go that way.
That is, until Kuroo storms in the bookstore one day, completely out of breath. Bokuto barely has the time to notice that Kuroo takes his wrist and pulls him with him, leading him through the shop to the back room, where he shoves them inside before closing the door behind him. Stunned, Bokuto blinks at him, and Kuroo bends down, desperately trying to catch his breath.
“Kuroo? What’s happening?” Bokuto finally asks, worry building up in his chest, heart beating so loud he is sure his friend could hear it. Kuroo raises his hand, silently asking him to wait for him to catch his breath.
Bokuto wants to ask again, chest tightening and breath coming up short at how scared he is. But he waits patiently, shifting his weight between his feet. When Kuroo straightens up again, smirking, Bokuto is hooked to his lips.
“I found a solution.” Kuroo finally breathes out, his smile growing wider as he poses his hands on his hips.
Bokuto frowns. “A solution to what?”
“Our soulmates of course.” His friend rolls his eyes, half chuckling as if Bokuto is the weird one in the room. “Well, not me,” He adds, scratching the back of his neck. “Grandma told me I was old enough to know now, and told me how to find my soulmate.”
Bokuto’s eyes grow wide and he can’t help but take a step forward and grip Kuroo’s arms. “You’re not messing with me, aren’t you?”
Kuroo rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Of course not! When have I ever joked about this?” The pointed look Bokuto gives him makes him wince and admit. “Okay, I’ll allow you that one. But I’m serious Bo’. There is a way.”
Bokuto lets go of him, a smile slowly finding its way on his lips. He scoffs, and raises a brow. “For someone who didn’t care, you seem pretty excited about this.”
Kuroo frowns, pushing Bokuto away. There is a small layer of pink on his cheeks, and Bokuto being Bokuto, doesn’t let him live by it.
“Aw, look who’s blushing. Someone’s eager to know who they are bound to!” He pokes Kuroo’s cheeks and his friend shoves him away, groaning. “Who are you hoping it could be? Is it a wonderful girl with long hair that will look up to you? Or a strong boy with a wonderful smile that will take care of you?”
Kuroo pushes him further growling and fails to hide his embarrassment. “Shut up Bo’.”
Bokuto only laughs, finally keeping his hands for himself and letting his friend breathe. His heart is beating fast, anticipation and excitation flowing in his veins. “So, how do we do it?” Kuroo winces, and Bokuto’s blood turns cold. “What’s the trick?”
“It’s a crystal affinity magic.” Bokuto’s heart sinks, and Kuroo continues. “I mean, anyone can try. But people who don't have affinity with crystals are not sure to succeed in the end. And even if they eventually succeed, it can take years.”
Bokuto sighs, taking a few steps back to lean against a table. Years. That is what everyone says to him when it concerns soulmates. He doesn’t want to wait years, he is just wasting time like this, spending less and less time with his soulmate. He wants someone that can understand him better than anyone else, and he wants them now. He knows he sounds like a child who has been deprived of sweets, but since he was little he has always wanted to have someone capable to understand his mood swings at his side, and helps him through it. The longer he waits, the harder it will be for him to prevent them.
“Why doesn’t everyone use this method if anyone can do it?” Bokuto finally asks, looking up to Kuroo.
He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. “Because it’s dangerous. Even powerful mages can die from it.”
“Then why are you offering me this?”
Kuroo shrugged, looking up. “You’re my friend. And I know how much this means to you. Plus, I wouldn’t have said it if I was sure you couldn’t do it Bo’. You’re strong, and with grandma’s help, I’m sure you can find your soulmate. I’m sure we can find them together.”
What does he have to lose? Either way, finding his soulmate takes time. Maybe he has already seen them, maybe he has already talked to them, but he truly wants to know who they are. If either way takes the same time, then he better go for the one that will make him stronger.
Kuroo is smirking when Bokuto looks at him again. “What’s your motto already?” He asks, lips tilting upward wider.
Bokuto laughs, conveying his emotions through his gaze. It’s useless though, Kuroo knows already how grateful he is.
“It’s hard, not impossible,” he answers. Kuroo nods, approaching him. “You’re right. I will do it.” His friend passes an arm around his shoulders and pulls him down, ruffling his hair with his fist. And Bokuto can’t help but laugh, as he tries to get away from Kuroo’s hold.
They both go out of the room, arms on each other’s shoulder, grinning like fools.
“That’s my boy. I’m proud of you Bo’,” Kuroo says, tightening his hold.
Bokuto rolls his eyes, but squeezes back. “Let’s make a bet,” He starts, letting go of his friend to sit on the counter. Kuroo arches a brow at him, but smirks. “The first one to find their soulmate wins.”
Kuroo snorts, “You know I’m a crystal type, right?” Bokuto nods, smirking at his turn, feeling ecstatic. His best friend laughs, expanding his arms and they shake hands happily, grinning at each other. “Deal.”
And so, he works. He goes to Kuroo’s two times a week, and learns about his crystal and its energy with his grandmother. It’s tiring, most of the time Bokuto is too tired to go back to his alone so Kuroo goes with him. Kuroo clearly has fewer difficulties than him, but he’s not surprised.
When Bokuto is not learning about crystals, he’s learning about potions with his own family. He learns to make revitalizing potions against magic, which he takes every time he exercises himself with Kuroo, to make sure he doesn’t get too tired for the rest of the week. It’s hard, and it’s long, and Bokuto loses motivation more than once. But Kuroo is always here with him, to encourage him and make sure he doesn’t give up.
It’s one and a half years later when Kuroo finally succeeds in materializing his spectre. He says it’s still foggy, and doesn’t want to go beyond his house, but it’s still progressing. Bokuto is so happy for him that he doubles his own efforts, certain that he can do it. And he does. His first spectre apparition happens when he’s seventeen. They all are so happy for him when he tells them that Kuroo, and even Kuroo’s grandmother, cried in his arms. It is small progress, but still, after trying for three years, it is something.
Unfortunately, this year is also the year Kuroo’s grandmother dies, leaving behind her the shell of a man whose life has always relied on her. And so, Kuroo gives up. Bokuto tries to support him through it, telling him that his grandmother would have preferred for him to continue. Kuroo tries, but where before he was able to form a small owl a few weeks, now the simple act of materializing the spectre made him weak to the point he had to stay in bed for two weeks.
Even though Bokuto could understand Kuroo’s pain - even though he himself felt miserable at the loss of someone he has learned to love - he doesn’t want to give up. He doesn’t want for his, as well as Kuroo’s grandmother’s, efforts to be in vain. So he continues. At night in his bedroom, he tries to remember what he has been taught, and put it into practice. This time, with Kuroo’s bare support, it’s harder, and he gives up more than once. But eventually, he holds on, and two years later, he is nineteen and his spectre takes its form for the first time. It’s a cat, small, with two-toned fur. The spectre is blue, almost azure, and Bokuto is mesmerized.
The first thing he does is go to his best friend’s. He is crying, pride, tension and fatigue taking the best of him. Kuroo is proud too, he takes him in his arms, and murmurs how happy he is for Bokuto into his ears.
“I’m proud of you,” Kuroo says, and when they part, there are tears in his eyes.
“You can find them too,” Bokuto says, posing his hands on Kuroo’s shoulders. “I’m sure you can. You just have to try again.”
Kuroo smiles sadly, but nods. He pulls him in for another hug, tapping forcefully in his back. “Thanks, Bo’. I’ll try. Now, go find your soulmate.”
And so, Bokuto does. The next day, he concentrates all his energy into his crystal, and when the blue cat appears, he almost cries again. But he shakes it off, and the moment the cat stands on his feet Bokuto chases him. They cross street after street, Bokuto’s heart beating fast in anticipation.
When the cat finally stops in front of a coffee shop, Bokuto's heart is ready to explode. He approaches the shop, and stands in front of the door, looking inside. His excitement drops quickly though, when he notices the lights turned off and the small ‘closed’ sign. He tries anyway, he pushes on the door, but it stays closed. He bit his lips, frustration taking the better of him. He looks down at the cat, whose tail is swaying from side to side. In a matter of seconds, he disappears in a cloud of smoke.
Bokuto tries again the next day, but the cat brings him to a deserted court, where children usually play after school. He tries again the day after, but he finds himself sitting in front of a closed school, since it’s Sunday. He tries again the day after, and even the day after that, and every day for a whole week, but the spectre leads him to no one.
He gets sick after a week, and is forced to stop when his family and Kuroo put him to bed. His own potions aren’t enough to make him feel better this time, and even with the help of his family's magical drinks, he is unable to stand, even with help, for two weeks. Confused, lost, and in tremendous pain, Bokuto finds himself crying every night with Kuroo by his side. Kuroo has refused to leave him alone. He comes everyday with treats and stays with him in the room, whether it is to distract him from his pain or support him through it. Bokuto is not surprised, Kuroo has always been genuinely kind and has always cared for his friends, still, he feels very grateful.
That doesn’t prevent him from trying again once he feels better. He is more careful though, and tries only once a week. But the result is always the same. Each time, the cat brings him somewhere new, sometimes, it brings him back to the coffee shop, sometimes in a crystal shop, but never to anyone in particular.
And a whole year passes and he hasn’t found his soulmate yet.
Bokuto is twenty when he looks at the blue cat grooming in front of his own bookstore, and for the first time, he thinks that maybe he doesn’t have a soulmate.
_________
Kenma doesn’t hear the end of the question before he feels his head spinning and his legs collapsing. Hissing slightly, Kenma opens his eyes with difficulty, bringing his hand to his head. The pain shooting from his skull is barely bearable, and he struggles to think properly.
“Hey? Hey dude! Can you hear me?”
Kenma winces at the sudden loud voice next to him, feeling his upper body slowly getting up. When he’s finally able to see beyond his eyelashes, he is immediately met with two round golden eyes, looking at him worriedly. His breath gets caught up in his lungs as Kenma blinks stupidly, unable to look away. The eyes are mesmerizing, he feels a strong pull to it, and he is sure he could lose himself staring at them.
“Are you okay?”
Kenma snaps out of it, breaking eye contact and quickly looking around. He finally registers the bookshop around him, and remembers following his spectre, watching it dissipate on his soulmate’s shoulders. Kenma tries to get up but strong arms hold him down against a chest, and the voice almost screams again.
“Woah, woah, woah! Easy there. You’re trembling.”
He is. He feels his hand trembling and he knows his legs probably are too, warning him that he wouldn’t be able to stand alone. His head still hurts, but he is conscientious enough to know that he won’t faint again.
“Here, let me help you.”
Kenma is suddenly aware of the arm helping him to stand up, wrapped around his waist, and the hand holding his own in support. It finally occurs to him that he fainted in the middle of the shop and that his soulmate is trying to help him. His eyes trail to their hands. The warmth spreading at the contact of their skin burns, and Kenma quickly lets go of his hand, flush covering his cheeks.
The boy looks down at him, worried, and Kenma can’t take it anymore, face turning red. He fidgets around to get away from his hold, and says in a rapid murmur once free, gaze locked on the ground, embarrassment making his voice tremble:
“Thanks. I’m okay now.” He clears his throat, and has to refrain himself from running out to hide from the piercing gaze of his soulmate on him. He nods politely and whispers instead, “I have to go.”
“You don’t seem okay. I can make you a potion or-” The boy starts, but Kenma shakes his head.
Kenma feels his heart squeeze, overwhelmed. He needs air, and wants to be alone, away from the people probably looking at him, and the attention his soulmate is giving to him. So he doesn’t wait for a response and turns his heels walking fast to the exit.
He runs down the street, head throbbing, and heart racing in his ribcage, trying to get free. He doesn’t stop until he enters his mother’s shop, where he falls on the couch, burying his head into the pillows. Cheeks flushed from embarrassment, and chest tight, Kenma groans loudly.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
* * *
His mother doesn’t know if she wants to cry of pride or reprimand him for being reckless when he tells her he found his soulmate. His father does both, giving him prideful taps on the back but telling him that if he had any headache in the few days, he would have to deal with them alone. He does have headaches for two days after, but clenches his teeth and bears it. It doesn’t matter now anyway, it will be the last time he will experience them, since he doesn’t have to overdo himself anymore.
He knows who his soulmate is.
Bokuto Koutarou.
Kenma is not proud to know his name, because that in itself is proof that he went back to the bookstore to know more. He goes back to the shop every week actually, hiding behind books and shelves and eavesdropping to know a bit more about his soulmate.
At first, he said it was to gather information and make sure he could avoid the man. The more information he could get, the more he would be able to prevent Bokuto from coming into his life, right?
But week after week, Kenma admits that there is more to it. There is a pull that brings him here more often than he would like, as if his soul wants to see Bokuto every day, as if his soul needs to know more about Bokuto. He doesn’t know if it is because of the boy’s energy. Bokuto is always bright, chatting happily with the customers, screaming and laughing with his weird friend, smiling at any hour of the day. Maybe the pull comes from his smile, so wide and sincere that could dazzle someone. Kenma doesn’t know exactly why, but he finds himself coming to the bookstore anyway, eyes trailing on his soulmate.
Once he realizes how much of a creep he looks like, Kenma forces himself to stay home. But that’s when things get complicated. He finds himself daydreaming about gold eyes, he hears Bokuto’s voice in his sleep, and sometimes, in the trick of the light, Kenma thinks he sees Bokuto’s crystal; a pyrite.
Quickly enough, Kenma gets frustrated. He’s not supposed to think about his soulmate, he surely isn’t supposed to befriend him. He did all of this to be able to choose what he wants in life. Wanting to be friends with Bokuto is just admitting defeat against fate.
Kenma is so deep in thought, frowning, that he almost drops his book when a reedy voice exclaims next to him. He does jump though.
“Hey! You’re the guy that fainted a few months ago, right?”
Kenma looks, horrified, at the boy next to him, smiling widely. He quickly glances to the counter, where Bokuto is supposed to be, or least where he was a few seconds before. Kenma winces, upset that he has been caught.
“You don’t remember me? I’m the one who saved you!” Bokuto chirps, pointing both thumbs to his chest.
Kenma can’t help himself, he scoffs and grumbles. “Saving is a big world.”
“Aw man! You could have been nice and followed me on that one!” Bokuto laughs, extending two books to Kenma, silently asking for help. Kenma takes them, smiling slightly. “How are you? Are you feeling better? You should have stayed last time, my grandma makes the best revitalizing potions in town!”
Bokuto takes a small ladder, climbing the three first steps before extending his arms to Kenma. Kenma gives him back the books, rolling his eyes.
“It’s been three months since. I’m fine.”
Bokuto gets down the ladder and smiles so brightly that Kenma squints. “Better ask! You never know!”
Kenma can’t help the smile on his face and is about to retort something when the door opens forcefully, stopping him on his track. They both turn their head to Bokuto’s best friend running in their direction, dishevelled, out of breath. Neither of them has the time to say anything that the rooster head takes Bokuto’s wrist and leads him away and Kenma barely has the time to blink that he finds himself standing alone.
There’s a bittersweet feeling in his throat as he crosses his arms against his chest, a book crushed between them. His eyes are making holes in the door the two friends disappeared behind, and Kenma curses the taller man in his breath. For the whole time he is waiting for them to get out of the room, Kenma is tapping his feet, blowing on the strands of hair that keep falling in front of his eyes.
When the door finally opens again, Kenma backs down a bit against the shelves, trying to make himself small. The two friends are smiling widely, arms wrapped around their shoulders. Bokuto rolls his eyes, but his smile is an indication that he is in fact not annoyed to the slightest. Curious, Kenma listens.
“Let’s make a bet.” Bokuto sits on the counter and Kenma can’t help the smile on his face as he knows the two-toned haired boy is going to get yelled at by his mom for this. “The first one to find their soulmate wins.”
Kenma freezes, eyes growing wider and breath hitching in his lungs. That couldn’t be possible. Bokuto is a herbal mage, he had said it himself, how would he possibly find his soulmate? The souls are bound together by the force of crystals, and it is the only magic that could help with anything soulmate related.
Bokuto’s friend snorts, “You know I’m a crystal type, right?”
Kenma feels his head spinning, and he looks down, holding tightly on the book between his arms to ground himself. He is not ready. Not now, not so soon. He doesn’t know what he wants in his life, but he still doesn’t want to let fate decide for him. He’s not ready for Bokuto to come to him and hope- hope that Kenma will accept his friendship, hope that Kenma will stay forever by his side. Kenma doesn’t want to be the reason why Bokuto would be miserable, but he is not ready for Bokuto to know yet.
He hears Bokuto’s friend speaking, and the word echoes in his head. “Deal.”
He lets go of the book, and runs out of the shop.
* * *
Kenma looks at the bowl of crystals escaping his mother’s hands and falling on the ground as if it is in slow motion. He hears his mother gasp and she brings her hands to cover her mouth, looking at him with horror. Kenma just stands here, waiting patiently.
“Kenma,” she breathes out, voice trembling. “Who talked to you about that?”
He doesn’t want to tell her that he had researched and had found a book about it, judging by her extreme reaction that she is against it. So he shrugs, looking down.
“It was just a question.”
His mother sighs deeply, bringing her hands to her heart. Closing her eyes, she takes a few inspirations. “Kenma, you can’t ask things like that out of the blue! You-” She bits her lips, opening her mouth again, to try and add something but closes it soon after. Kenma doesn’t understand why she is making a big scene out of it. She whimpers. “Kenma. Erasing your energy’s footprints is extremely dangerous.”
“Searching for my soulmate was too.” He only says, looking up.
The moment Kenma heard about Bokuto practicing to find him, he plunged himself into books to find a way to stop him. It has been hard, most of the time there was no information on how to prevent their soulmate from finding them. But eventually, Kenma found something. He read that one could erase his energy’s footprints. This way, the spectre would have nothing to follow, no way to know where the soul its energy is bound to could be. So he immediately came back to his mother and asked her if it is possible.
Her voice is firmer when she speaks again. “Not the same type of danger. I’m not talking about having little headaches because you’re using too much of your energy. I’m talking about erasing your energy.” She huffs through her nose and squints at him. “Without energy, you can die, Kenma. You are thirteen years old, don’t you dare think you can pull out such dark and strong magic, do you hear me? If I find you trying by any means to learn it, I will make sure that your life will turn to hell. I am clear?”
Kenma nods, “Limpid.”
His mother breathes out, and bends down to pick up the crystals on the floor. She clearly won’t teach him anything about the matter, she has been clear about it.
So naturally, Kenma will learn by himself.
And he does. He goes to bookstore after bookstore, making sure to borrow nothing and scribble what he needs on a piece of paper instead. He hides from the Bokuto’s bookstore, but still goes there from time to gather information about how Bokuto is doing. It seems like the two-toned haired boy is struggling, and if Kenma has to be honest, he is too.
Without his mother’s help, it is more difficult for him. Learning from books and learning from someone is two different things, and he feels that he is going slower than ever. But he continues, driven by the fear of Bokuto finding him before he could do anything about it, driven by the fear of disappointing his soulmate.
Every night he practices a bit, and every morning he does revitalizing exercises to make sure his mother doesn’t suspect anything. He pushes through pain and fatigue, and two years later, his first result is noticeable.
His crystal is clearer, growing more transparent, less vibrant. And when he tries to make his little golden owl appear, he can’t create anything more than fog. Which is a good sign, since it means he has less energy to create it. He starts hiding his crystal under his shirt, and spends less and less time with his parents, knowing they would pick up what was happening easily.
* * *
“Hey! Faint guy!” A voice screams and Kenma jumps at the sound, sighing deeply.
All his hopes of not seeing Bokuto fly away, and he turns around to face the man. He had hoped that his soulmate wouldn’t be at the store today, since he needs a book that could only be found here, but life isn’t gentle with him.
“Will you drop that nickname one day?” Kenma grumbles under his breath, coughing slightly under his elbow. He can’t help the smile on his lips though as he tightens the book in his hands. He is surprised to see that Bokuto remembers him, but he would lie if he says it doesn’t make his heart warm.
Bokuto waves a hand at him, “It’s cute, I’m keeping it.” He points to the book and asks. “You’re borrowing that?”
Kenma nods, giving him the book and following him to the counter. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you,” Bokuto says, looking over his shoulder. “Last time we talked was like, three years ago?”
Kenma snorts. “If you call that talking, yeah.”
Bokuto laughs at that, typing on the computer. “I’ve seen you around since, but you always hide or disappear real quick. It’s sad, I’d love to talk more! You seem like a cool guy!”
Kenma doesn’t answer, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers, concentrating a bit more on his crystal to make sure he is hiding well. He had thought he had been careful enough each time he had been obligated to come back to the shop, but he probably underestimated his soulmate. Bokuto admitting that he noticed him makes him feel both grateful to feel seen, and stressed about his magical footprints.
“What’s your name?” Bokuto asks suddenly. It’s so out of the blue that Kenma feels his heart squeeze and he looks up, eyes wide. “For the book,” Bokuto adds, waving the object around.
Kenma sighs imperceptibly, clearing his throat. “Kozume.”
He barely has the time to breathe that Bokuto screams, gasping and eyes wide, leaning on the counter into Kenma’s personal space. Kenma backs down.
“Kozume?! You’re family with that crystal shop?” Kenma can see the hope and excitement in Bokuto’s eyes, and he takes another step back.
He nods anyway.
“That’s cool! Can you, uh- could you help me with something?” Bokuto’s cheeks are slightly pink from anticipation and his eyes shine. “I have a problem about uh… my soulmate? Can you he-”
Kenma closes his mouth in a firm line, not giving Bokuto the time to finish as he takes a step forward and snatches the book from the counter, heart throbbing. He only breathes out a solid “no” before he turns around and walks away from the shop.
He feels his heart sink down to his stomach when Bokuto calls out his name.
* * *
Eventually, Kenma succeeds. He is eighteen, and is not sure that he can completely erase his energy’s footprints, but he knows it’s enough to keep Bokuto away. He dyes his hair blonde, and keeps his energy low. He knows he will have to bring his energy back someday, he just wants to keep it that way until Bokuto gives up, or at least, until he can admit to himself that he wants Bokuto in his life.
Until then, he hides it, pushes through the pain and clenches his teeth. His skin is pale, his muscles tremble so much sometimes that he can’t hold anything, and the gold in his eyes slowly fades to a flat yellow. His crystal is transparent, and he can’t release its energy anymore. He knows he still has some in it, or else he wouldn’t be alive, but it is thin, barely there.
He is nineteen when he enters Bokuto’s shop one day, with the intention to find a book to help him with the aftermath of his condition. His parents are slowly starting to get suspicious, and he needs to find a way to hide it better. He is not surprised to see Bokuto smiling at him the moment he pushes the doors, waving slightly. What is surprising though, is the edge to his smile. Bokuto seems sadder than before, empty of any light. Kenma doesn’t like the sadness in his smile.
This time, Kenma doesn’t have the time to hear his question before he collapses unconscious on the floor.
________
“You know me,” Kuroo says for the fifth time since he started talking, waving his hand around, brows knitted together. “I’m not as good at interaction as I look. So I was fidgeting, and my hands kept sweating, and my heart was pounding, and- Are you listening to me?” Kuroo asks, turning to him. Bokuto hums. “And he was sitting there, turning the pages of the book as if he was an angel, you know? He was so pretty and hot with his glasses which kept sliding on his cute little nose. And I finally got the nerves to walk toward him. But, you know me-”
Bokuto turns around to take the leaves his grandmother has left for him, putting them on the hot water. He bit his lips, forcing himself to go back to listening to his friend.
“-I nearly tripped but I was fine. So I came to him and stopped in front of his table. And then,” Kuroo says dramatically, emphasizing the word. “He looked up. And I almost died because damn he has such beautiful eyes. You should see them, they’re not blue but not green either. It's a mix of the two and they are breathtaking but this is not the point. The thing is, that fucker- that fucker sighed. But not like a dreamy sighed because he finally met his knight in shining armor, you know?”
“You’re not a knight in-”
“Bo’ shut up. Don’t interrupt me, this is important.” Bokuto rolls his eyes and sighs, but keeps his mouth shut. “So he sighed, but he was so annoyed. So I just stood there, confused. And you won’t believe what he said to me. He said ‘I was hoping you’d take longer to find me’. The moment he opened his mouth, all the magic around him, all this divine atmosphere just flew away. And his whole angel appearance is just a lie, because he’s actually a demon disguised.”
Kuroo finally stopped, and Bokuto frowned, turning to him. “So you don’t like your soulmate?”
Outraged, Kuroo squints at him, screaming. “Dude! Did you even listen to what I said?”
Bokuto growls, taking the bowl and pouring its potion into the sink as he knows he fucked it up. His voice turns out a bit more sarcastic than he wants when he speaks. “Yeah. He’s as beautiful as a god but is actually an asshole. I’m happy you found your soulmate, Kuroo.”
Bokuto sees his friend’s expression fall and he turns to the sink, bending down and hiding his head between his arms, sighing deeply. “Sorry, didn’t mean to snap.”
Kuroo puts his hands on his shoulder and shakes him a bit, voice gentle. “It’s okay, no need to say sorry. I should have been more considerate.”
Bokuto stands up, turning around and leaning against the sink, biting his lips. “No really, it’s me- It’s just. It’s been a year.”
“I know, but don’t lose hope Bo’. I’m sure you’re going to find them.”
His throat is knotted, heart heavy, when he admits. “I’m not even sure I really have a soulmate anymore.”
* * *
Bokuto is at the counter, taking care of the burrowings when he looks up at the newcomer of the shop. He has difficulties recognizing him at first, but his last interaction with Kozume passes through his head and it clicks.
Bokuto smiles widely. He’s happy to see the small man again. He changed a lot since the last time he saw him a few months ago though. For instance, he is blonde now. He also seems a bit taller, but his frame is still small, and he looks fragile, as if touching him could break him. But that’s not what shocks Bokuto the most. The man is paler, almost frighteningly. His posture is even more slouched than usual, and Bokuto can see how much his hands are shaking from where he stood.
Bokuto is about to greet him, to ask him if he is okay despite the answer being obvious. He doesn’t have the time to say anything though, that the blonde stops in his track, standing in the middle of the entrance. And in a matter of seconds, he’s lying unconscious on the floor.
Bokuto gasps, he jumps over the counter, and runs to the blonde. But as he is about to bend down to help him, Bokuto freezes, stunned. He blinks once, twice, mouth slightly open, eyes wide. His heart misses a beat and he has to remind himself to breathe.
There, sitting on the boy’s body, is a blue spectre in the form of a cat that Bokuto knows too well, swaying his tail from left to right, eyes piercing through his soul.
* * *
Kenma finally stirs into consciousness three weeks after the incident, and Bokuto can’t help the sigh of relief the moment he sees him opening his eyes. He patiently waits for the man to look around and take in the room before he speaks.
“It’s okay. You’re at my house.” Kenma turns to him, hissing and closing his eyes at the sudden move. Bokuto gets up from his chair and approaches him. “Careful, you’re not healed yet.”
Kenma sighs, settling his head comfortably on the pillow and closing his eyes. Bokuto can see the guilt on his face in the way he gulps and he shuts his eyes closed.
“The only thing you have to feel guilty for is for not taking care of your health Kozume,” Bokuto says with a small smile, and Kenma nods.
They stay in silence for a while, until Kenma’s mother enters the room, and Bokuto pushes himself aside to let her hug her son. She’s crying, sobbing, the tension of the previous weeks visibly flying out of her.
“Kenma, you scared us to death! I told you not to do it, and you put yourself in danger, what if- what if you-” A sob prevents her from continuing and Kenma loosely wraps his arms around her, plunging his head into the crook of her neck. “Thank god the Bokutos’ were here to help you. Crystal magic isn’t enough to reverse such strong magic and they have been so generous as to help me save you-” She stops here, unable to continue, sobbing against Kenma, shoulders shaking. It takes her a few minutes to calm down before she lets go of him, frowning. “What did you do?” She almost screams. “What on earth did you-”
“It’s my fault,” Bokuto interrupts her.
He almost backs down when she turns to him, confused, as he picks on his fingers and is unable to keep eye contact. He taps his feet on the ground a few times.
“I searched for a way to find him. I didn’t take his feelings into consideration and I probably scared him into taking severe decisions to protect himself. I’m sorry, please don’t blame him. It’s my fault.”
Bokuto doesn’t dare look up at Kozume, but he crosses Kenma’s confused look and smiles softly. Kenma’s mother sighs, wiping her tears away, turning to her son.
“Don’t even think you’ll get away with this that easily.” She warns, pointing a finger at him. “I’ll be waiting for you at home, for now, until you’re able to walk, it is better for you to stay here.” Kenma bits his lips and nods. “I have to go, but I'm coming back with dad later this afternoon, okay? You better be awake.” She bends down to leave a kiss on his forehead and Kenma scrunches his nose, rolling his eyes.
His mother turns to Bokuto, and smiles fondly at him. “Thank you for taking care of my son.”
This time, Bokuto’s smile is wide and bright when he answers. “It’s my pleasure, Ma’am!”
She leaves, letting the two men alone in the room again. Kenma is looking directly at him, eyes piercing like a cat, as if he is trying to see through his soul. Bokuto can’t help but grimace, uncomfortable.
“Why did you lie?” Kenma finally says in a whisper, never looking away.
Bokuto smiles sadly, shrugging. “I didn’t lie.” He admits, kicking the air. “Isn’t that why you hid your energy? Weren’t you afraid that I’d find you and force you to be my soulmate?”
Kenma closes his eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again. Bokuto’s heart sinks, and he has more difficulties than he’d like to keep himself from crying. He found his soulmate. But worse than thinking he didn’t have one, his soulmate doesn’t want him at his side.
“Why did you help me, then? Why did you defend when I’ve been so horrid to you?” Kenma asks, eyes locked on the ceiling.
“You’re my soulmate.” He simply answers. “Whether you like it or not, you still are. I’m not saying that to try and force you to stay with me. If you don’t choose me, that’s fine, I’ll respect that. But you can’t ask me to leave you when you need me. Whether you want me or not, the fact that I want to help you be happy and healthy doesn’t change.”
Bokuto means it, he has hoped all his life that his soulmate would be the person to understand him best, to help him in his decision, to support him when he needed it. But if his soulmate doesn’t want to be that person for him, then that’s fine. But whenever his soulmate would need him, whenever Kenma will allow him to, he will be there to help the best he can. Because they’re soulmates, and that’s what soulmates do.
A small laugh echoes in the room, and Bokuto looks up to see Kenma smiling, chuckling slightly behind his hand. It’s mesmerizing, it’s tender, and Bokuto thinks it’s the most beautiful music he’s ever heard.
“Whether I want you or not in life, you’ll be what I need, right?” Kenma says. His is tone so airy that Bokuto feels dizzy.
Confused, Bokuto looks at him, not knowing what to say. Kenma slowly turns to him, and his smile is candid, sincere, so pretty that Bokuto’s heart misses a beat.
“Let’s give this a try then. I choose you.”
Bokuto blinks at the blonde, eyes wide, heart pounding in his chest. He feels as if he has been hit by a gust of wind, hope slowly finds its way inside him, body moving in anticipation. He straightens up, taking a few steps to the bed. He’s about to ask something, but Kenma interrupts him, chuckling again. The blonde extends his hand, and Bokuto notices only now the slight blush on the blonde’s cheeks.
“Hi, I’m Kozume Kenma. You can call me Kenma.” He says, lips curling up a little. “I’m your soulmate, I guess.”
Bokuto can’t help himself, he smiles brightly, cheeks pink, delighted. Joy flowing down his veins, hope bursting in his brain, he has never felt that elated from a long time. He found his soulmate, and his soulmate wants him at his side. He has to physically refrain himself from jumping on the bed and hug Kenma, not wanting to scare him away. Instead, he takes Kenma’s hand and shakes it.
“Bokuto. Bokuto Koutarou. I’ve been waiting for you.”