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The air was laced with awkwardness when Kai greeted Soobin in front of the cafe door. He was upset, though Soobin’s calm demeanor worked well to ebb away some of his jitters.
They ordered coffee and stood in line, chatting idly as they waited for their orders.
“How have you been, hyung?” Kai asked, as if he hadn't seen Soobin just the day before.
Soobin raised an eyebrow. “Um, it was fine. Nothing major happened, except maybe that Yeonjun-hyung and I broke a few plates and he got a cut on his finger? Does that count as news?”
“How did you break plates, plural?” Kai scoffed. To be honest, he had an idea of how. But he wasn't going to pass down an opportunity to be distracted by their escapades...even if he was probably going to have to hear some gross story about his hyungs kissing.
“Well…” Soobin’s cheeks flushed slightly. “We were, like, kissing, and stuff—” So Kai was right, it was kissing. “—and he wanted to get higher than me? So he sat on the counter and I guess there was a dish—”
Kai barked out a laugh, quickly silencing himself and muffling his life when he got a few angry looks from the table of soccer moms a few feet away. “He sat on it?” Typical Yeonjun.
“No, I, uh. I actually ended up pushing him into a stack of them and his hand brushed them off the counter.” He smiled softly to himself, rolling his eyes fondly. (Whipped, Kai thought.) “Of course, he's stupid, so he tried to just pick the shards up and hurt his thumb. And then he had the nerve to whine about it, like it isn't his fault.” He finished with an endeared eye roll.
Kai was perfectly content to stand and make fun of Yeonjun, but the barista called their names and handed them their orders. Soobin took both their coffees, passing Kai’s to him, before thanking her and grabbing the little bag of scones that they’d gotten because apparently Beomgyu had a caffeine addiction and was willing to give his almost-finished hole-punch card to get a free pastry with his tenth order.
They walked to an empty table, setting out a napkin to place their scones on. Kai sat across from Soobin, almost immediately trying to avoid his gaze. Soobin was distracted taking a picture of his latte art. Once he was done, he turned to Kai with a smile.
“So, what’s up, Kai? You said this was urgent?”
Kai didn't reply, choosing instead to focus on the small napkin of pastries between them. Soobin was gently drinking from his coffee, blowing on it before each little sip. Kai started fiddling with the straw of his iced caramel macchiato, which was barely even iced at this point. He hadn't taken a single sip since he got it and the ice had almost fully melted.
“It is,” Kai said, trying to keep his voice steady. This was tough, okay? He’d had these since he was little. It was like giving away a body part. “I...I'm going to get rid of my plushies.”
There was a beat of silence. Soobin took a sip from his coffee, taking the time to gently wipe froth off his top lip before looking Kai in the eyes, face riddled with disbelief. “You want to get rid of all your plushies?”
“Well, not all of them, but-”
“Kai. Hueningie.” Soobin placed his large, soft hand on the table over Kai’s own jittery one. “What's wrong?” His eyes were soft with concern.
Kai opened his mouth. Shut it. Looked away. “I just...don't want them anymore…”
Soobin’s grip tightened. “I don't want to overstep— Well, actually, I do. Now I've been friends with you for years and stuff and you've never wanted to get rid of plushies. And yesterday I talked to Namjoon-hyung and he's a psychology major and apparently if you're giving all your stuff away...Kai, are you safe?”
“What?” Kai hadn't realized that Soobin’s first thought would be that. “Yes! My plushies just aren't cute enough anymore.”
Soobin visibly relaxed. Then his shoulders started shaking with laughter. “What do you mean, ‘not cute enough?’”
Kai sighed exasperatedly. “I mean that yesterday, Taehyun stayed over. And we shared the bed so I had to kick some of my plushies off, since he refused to let me pile them on top of him. And I did it, and it doesn't make any sense, because I haven't ever kicked them off for you...so obviously they must not be cute enough.” He finished by clasping his hands together, mouth set in a grim line.
“Okay, first of all, rude. You better move your plushies for me. Second of all, maybe it's not the plushies?” Soobin’s eyes were alight with amusement. He took another happy sip of coffee.
“What would it be if it’s not the plushies?” Kai finally took the straw into his mouth and took his first sip of watered-down caramel macchiato. Beneath the table, his leg was jiggling nervously. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to hear Soobin’s answer.
“Maybe you just think Taehyun is cuter?”
Kai had never experienced the feeling of room temperature coffee shooting out of his nose until now. He coughed for an extended amount of time, Soobin’s words running through his mind repeatedly. “Why would I— Taehyun isn’t cute—”
Soobin shrugged and looked into his cup. “I think he can be adorable, especially when he wants to be.” He glanced back up at Kai with a smile. “If that isn't it, I’ll help you pack them.” He checked his watch and stood up.
“I have class now, text me later?” Still shocked, Kai just nodded. He waited until Soobin was out of the cafe, already long gone, before throwing out his still-full coffee cup and leaving as well.
It couldn’t be Taehyun, he thought, it can’t be.
--
It was. And Kai blamed Soobin.
Taehyun and Kai had been innocently hanging out, when Kai got the notification that Soobin had texted him. Maybe it was the sight of his name, or the content of the text, but it brought back their conversation from that morning.
Maybe you just think Taehyun is cuter?
Kai suddenly couldn't think of anything else. He kept noticing things. The way his nose would scrunch up then he laughed. The way his smile would light up his generally stoic face. The sound of his voice as he spoke. How small he looked in his oversized sweater. Kai had the inexplicable urge to cuddle up to him.
Something funny must have happened in the movie they were watching, because suddenly he let out a laugh— no, a giggle, and that was all Kai could hear. Maybe Taehyun...was cute. But he couldn't be cuter than plushies, right? Right.
Just as Taehyun’s cute giggle faded from his mind, said boy leaned on Kai’s shoulder and reached into the popcorn bowl on his lap. “Are you even paying attention?” He asked. Kai felt his face grow warm, butterflies taking flight in his stomach.
“Of course, Taehyunie.” He did his best to sound casual. It didn't work, if the look Taehyun shot him was to say anything. And because the universe was against Kai, Taehyun stayed leaning on him, cuddled up to his side with his head resting gently back on Kai’s chest.
At least I got my cuddles.
Having Taehyun in such close proximity was proving to be dangerous. Why was Kai like this? It's not like he’d never seen cute people before. Soobin was cute, and Kai had cuddled with him without and of these…symptoms. Beomgyu was cute, and he and Kai had weekly napping sessions that involved being absolutely entangled together, and usually took a few minutes to break apart once they woke up. Yeonjun could be cute, and the only person who got flustered by his cuddles was Soobin.
Kai cut off his train of thought before it reached its destination of if Soobin gets flustered with Yeonjun because he has feelings for him, you get flustered with Taehyun because you have feelings for him. Which was preposterous, because Kai didn't even like boys. He just happened to maybe think Taehyun was sort of cute.
No feelings involved.
He chanted those words like a mantra in his head, a feeble attempt to convince himself that there was nothing behind the way his stomach and heart fluttered at the sight of a sleepy Taehyun clinging to his shirt, eyes shining as they watched the screen and hair messy. That there was nothing prompting him to coo over the way Taehyun’s head kept almost dropping because he was tired, or how his body fit perfectly against Kai’s.
There was nothing there. Taehyun had a nice face, and that was it.
“Hueningie,” Taehyun’s voice was slurred with sleepiness. “Can we go to bed?”
We. Kai pushed back the urge to ponder over that word until it lost meaning. “Of course,” he replied.
Kai had already moved a select group of plushies off his bed to make room for Taehyun. They were sitting on his desk and desk chair, eyes seemingly boring into Kai’s soul. He felt like they were mocking him as he assisted an exhausted Taehyun with wiggling out of his clingy t-shirt. He turned away when Taehyun changed, choosing instead to take in the sight of his plushies and wonder if they were truly no longer cute.
Taehyun called from the bed, “Hurry uuuuuup,” and Kai snapped his gaze away, turning to him. His response died in his throat when he saw Taehyun in his hoodie, practically drowning in it. He was holding one of Kai’s plushies, resting his chin on the top of it, and was very very cute all cuddled up under the blankets. As if that wasn't enough, he had a tired pout drawn across his lips that Kai couldn't wait to kiss off.
Wait, what?
Kai felt his face heat up, something that was becoming a common occurrence when in Taehyun’s presence. Quickly, so Taehyun wouldn't see (not that his eyes were open anyway), Kai changed into random t-shirt and sweatpants and climbed under the covers with Taehyun, flicking out the light.
It shouldn't have surprised him the way it did when Taehyun plopped his head onto Kai’s chest again, throwing an arm and a leg over his body to cling closer to him. It's not like Taehyun hadn't done it only minutes before, and he was constantly making comments on how broad Kai’s chest had gotten when they cuddled. Still, Kai felt his heart leap into his chest as soon as they made contact.
For some reason, Kai couldn't sleep. He kept looking down at Taehyun, silently relishing in the way the moonlight drifted through his window and settled across Taehyun’s skin. The light cast shadows from his eyelashes over his nose, softening his sharp features. If Kai couldn't feel Taehyun’s body heat and heartbeat from where they were pressed together, he would have thought he was carved from stone.
Taehyun wasn't just cute. He was pretty. He was handsome. Kai thought back to any time he had work a suit, so simple yet so eye-catching. Or the time he had worn a crop top and Kai hadn’t been able to pull his eyes away from his abs, eyes stuck to Taehyun’s tan and toned stomach the entire day. Whether he was wearing huge sweaters or crop tops or suits or even just a school sweatshirt, Taehyun looked amazing.
It was something Kai had always noticed. He wasn't blind. When they were younger he would get angry at people for not complimenting Taehyun’s hairstyles, or the way he looked in their school uniform. It never occurred to him that they just...didn't see it. Because how could you not?
Kai pretended that the feeling bubbling up inside him was jealousy and not attraction. He also tried to convince himself that these feelings (that didn't exist, of course) were new. Neither worked enough to calm him.
He brushed a hand through Taehyun’s hair, wrapping an arm around him and cuddling closer into his warmth. He let Taehyun’s slow breaths calm him to sleep, the rise and fall of his chest against Kai’s side lulling him into a gentle slumber.
And if, that night, Kai dreamt of Taehyun kissing him and running his hands through his hair, gently tugging at the ends as their lips slid together, nobody needed to know.
--
“Choi Soobin.”
That was the only warning Kai offered before he grabbed Soobin by the arm and dragged him into one of the unlocked cleaning closets in the hall. Behind them, Yeonjun was yelling for Soobin as Beomgyu’s gleeful laughter echoed through the hall. Taehyun was quietly apologizing to a girl he’d spilled coffee on when Kai had startled the group.
As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, Kai grabbed Soobin by the shirt and pushed him into the wall. It didn't hurt, Soobin seemed to find it amusing, but it was confusing.
“Kai? Uhh...may I ask why you—”
“This is your fault, hyung,” Kai interrupted.
“What?” Soobin sounded confused.
“It's your fault for making me think Taehyun is cute and now I get all weird when he touches me and yesterday I had a dream about kissing him and it's all your fault, ‘cause—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Soobin placed his hands on Kai’s shoulders. “Breathe. First of all it's not my fault you have feelings for him—”
“I don’t have feelings for him! I just think he's cute and I wanna kiss him! I don't even like guys!” Kai interjected.
Soobin rolled his eyes. “Right, you just wanna kiss him as a bro.”
“It's not gay to kiss the homies,” Kai retorted.
“Whatever,”
Kai ran a hand through his hair, clearly stressed. “Hyung, I don't like guys, right?”
Soobin looked perplexed as he opened his mouth to reply. “I dont—”
Luckily, he was saved by the door opening and Beomgyu magically appearing in the doorway, shoving his way in and closing the door. After a few huffs and angry grunts (and the loud crack of a mop handle being stepped on and broken), he straightened up. “I wanted to join the closet party, too!”
Soobin chuckled. “Funny you should mention the closet, actually—”
“I don't like guys!” Kai knew he was being irrational. He didn't even care about liking guys.
Beomgyu’s eyes were wide as he stared between the two of them. “What?”
“Kai? Would you like to explain?” Soobin offered. Kai shook his head stubbornly, instead focusing on picking one of his nails.
Soobin sighed. “The other day, Kai said he was gonna get rid of all his plushies because they weren't cute. I asked him if maybe he just found Taehyun cuter, and apparently now he wants to kiss him. But he also apparently doesn't like guys?” He turned to Kai. “Does that sound right?”
Kai nodded. “Sure,”
Beomgyu looked confused for a moment. “Maybe you're only attracted to Taehyun?”
With a sigh, Kai looked up at both of them. “I don't care who I'm attracted to. I just- I don't know what to do,”
“It's okay not to know,” Beomgyu said comfortingly. “Hell, I don't know and I've dated tons more people than you. It's not important,”
“Yeah,” Soobin added, “If you like someone, you like someone. Do you think you like boys? It doesn't matter to us. Now Taehyun, on the other hand, well. I mean…”
Beomgyu nodded in agreement to whatever the hell Soobin just said. “You know what you should do~”
“Confess?” Soobin offered. Beomgyu nodded again, bouncing up and down excitedly.
“Confess!” He echoed.
“Oh, yeah, what’ll I say?” Kai scoffed. He turned to Beomgyu, playing out the choppy, wkward, cheesy confession he would probably have. “Oh, you're so cute and cuddly, and pretty, and when I see you in a suit I have trouble functioning.”
Kai heard Soobin choking back his laughter, and kept going.
“I dream about kissing you whenever we fall asleep cuddling. Oh, Beomgyu-hyung!” Kai flung himself dramatically into Beomgyu’s arms. “Please kiss me!”
Beomgyu leaned in, jokingly puckering his lips and making a rather gross smoochy sound.
The door swung open to reveal Taehyun and Yeonjun, both looking different degrees of disgusted and horrified. Kai realized, suddenly, that to anyone but Soobin it looked like him and Beomgyu were about to kiss. Kai didn't miss the look of hurt that flashed across Taehyun’s face, or the look of guilt that passed on Yeonjun’s. At the sound of the door, Beomgyu flung himself back, landing in a corner of mops.
Yeonjun cleared his throat, his voice cutting through the thick silence. “Hey, boyfriend-napper, what's the big idea?”
“Only old people say that, Yeonjun-hyung,” Beomgyu said from his moo corner.
Soobin climbed over a few buckets, tripping ungracefully into Yeonjun’s arms. The eldest shot a playful glare at Kai as he helped Soobin stumble out of the small enclosure.
“Can anyone help me out of this mop cage?”
Once Kai and Beomgyu made it out, Kai could feel Taehyun’s gaze piercing him. He purposefully kept his eyes trained on a spot just over Soobin’s shoulder to avoid eye contact.
Yeonjun and Soobin could obviously sense the awkward, tense air that hung around the youngest three in a cloud. Beomgyu clearly didn't notice, nor did he notice Taehyun’s sour expression every time he would be affectionate with Kai.
“So, are you guys dating now?” Taehyun asked, voice thick with badly-feigned nonchalance. The five of them had moved to sit at a table outside, Yeonjun and Soobin both being gross and coupley next to Taehyun on one side, Beomgyu and Kai on the other. Beomgyu looked shocked at the question.
“What? Why would I be dating Kai?”
Taehyun sighed, lowering his head to rest on his arms. “You were, like, about to kiss,”
Kai stayed silent, clenching and unclenching his hands underneath the table.
Beomgyu shrugged. “Not for reals. He was talking about you—”
Shit.
“Who?” Taehyun had clearly heard it. When no one replied, he stood up, even drawing the attention from the sappy couple. “Beomgyu-hyung. Who was he talking about?”
Kai let out a little squeak. This can’t be happening. He pushed himself up from the table, already climbing over the bench to speed away. Behind him, he heard Soobin stand up and go after him.
“Kai!” He grabbed Kai’s arm, turning him to look at Soobin’s face. “What's wrong?”
Kai shook his head. “Nothing. I just...I dunno. I'm fine, though. Just—” he waved a hand in the direction of the table. “—gotta go breathe.”
“Okay…” Soobin clearly had more to say. Kai didn't give him the chance. He just ran.
--
Taehyun, surprisingly, still showed up at Kai’s house that night.
Kai hadn't been lying when he said he was fine. He'd gone home and tried to muster up tears, but he wasn't upset, so there were none. Instead, he’d taken a nap. When he woke up, he’d put a frozen pizza (he was 90% certain he’d stolen it from Soobin) in the oven. He’d continued his nap on the couch and woken up to the sound of sharp knocks on his door.
Groggily, he got up and made his way to the door, unlocking it and swinging it open to reveal Taehyun standing, anxiously shifting from foot to foot until he saw Kai. He immediately schooled his face into a bright smile.
“Kai!” The excitement dripping from Taehyun’s voice was sickeningly sweet. And also fake.
“Hey, Taehyunie,” Kai said. He stepped aside to let Taehyun enter. “What's up? I didn't think we had movie night tonight,”
Taehyun shook his head. “We don't. I just...I have something to tell you.” He sat on the couch, posture tense. “Can you sit?” He asked, patting the spot next to him. Kai complied, wondering briefly what was happening.
“So...Kai. You and Beomgyu—”
“We aren't dating,” Kai rushed out. “You don't know everything that happened.”
Taehyun nodded. “I know. But in case something does happen, I wanna...I have something to get off my chest.”
And of course, Kai’s mind went wild. The word chest had him looking to Taehyun’s chest. Then noticing he had a sweatshirt on, then noticing that it covered his hands. Then he just stared at Taehyun’s hand, mind screaming at him to look away and heart screaming at him to take it and hold it and never let go.
“I like you, Kai.” The words brought him back to earth.
“I like you too! But what does that have to do with Beomgyu?”
Taehyun stared at him for a moment, shocked that he could be so completely stupid. “No, like, I wanna kiss you. And cuddle. And date, and like I like you, you know?”
Kai’s first thought was He said the word ‘like’ a lot. His second was Oh shit, Taehyun likes me?
The silence was proving to be too much for Taehyun. “Please say something,”
And so, Kai said the first thing that came to mind. “You're cuter than my plushies.”
“Wh—”
“Also, you're pretty and I want to kiss you.”
Taehyun stared again. “You...want to kiss me?”
Kai nodded. “Yep,”
“And...date?”
“That-that would be nice, yeah.” Kai hadn't put an excessive amount of thought into it but now that he did? He definitely had feelings for Taehyun. And Taehyun had feelings for him, too.
“Taehyun…” Taehyun scooted closer, bumping their knees together.
“Yeah?”
Kai swallowed the nervous lump in his throat and took Taehyun’s hand. It felt like electricity, the way excitement and happiness shot through his body when they touched. “Can I? Kiss you, I mean,”
If Kai thought Taehyun was cute before (and he did), it was nothing compared to how cute he looked when he blushed. He smiled shyly, turning his face to his lap but still glancing up at Kai. “Me?”
“You're literally the only other person in the room, Taehyun,”
“Right.” He glanced down to their joined hands and scooted closer. Closer. Closer, until he was close enough to run his free hand up to cup Kai’s cheek. Kai watched the way Taehyun’s eyes flicked from his own thumb to his lips, gazing up at him through his lashes.
“Can I kiss you?” Kai asked again, leaning in close enough that Taehyun could feel his breath on his lips when he asked.
Taehyun nodded. “Yes, please,”
And so Kai did. He unlinked their hands and placed one on Taehyun's hip. They were close, lips on the verge of brushing together. Taehyun closed the gap first, using his grip on Kai’s face to pull him down to meet his lips.
It was soft at first. Slow, steady. Uncertain, as they’d never been like this with each other before. Kai got the gist pretty quickly, though. They broke apart to smile at each other before kissing again.
Kai wasted no time tilting his head, gently pressing closer and closer to Taehyun. He felt Taehyun move his other hand up and wrap his arms around the back of his neck, shifting so he could sit on his foot and be higher.
They kissed and kissed, and then kissed some more. Just when Taehyun took Kai’s bottom lip into his mouth, beeping from the kitchen startled them apart.
“The pizza’s ready,” Kai said. Taehyun laughed, the sound like music to Kai’s ears, and dropped his head on Kai’s shoulder.
“Go get it before it burns, then,”
“I can't, you're sitting on my leg,”
Taehyun flushed and moved off, pulling his sleeves over his hands. Kai wanted to kiss him again, just because he looked so goddamn cute.
That night, Kai finally got to kiss the pout off Taehyun’s lips. And he finally got to live out his dream of kissing Taehyun while they cuddled.
From the desk, the dejected plushies watched on.